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More of Mark Zedler – Podcast #189 – 03/03/10


Hey sex fans,

We’re back with sex historian, Mark Zedler, and more of his fascinating SEX WISDOM. This is Part 2 of our enlightening conversation about some of our culture’s sexual taboos.

If you somehow missed Part 1 of this thought-provoking expose, which premiered at this time last week, you’ll find it in the podcast archive here on my site. All ya have to do is use the site’s search function in the sidebar to your right, type in Podcast #187 and Voilà. It’s that simple. But don’t forget to use the #sign when you search.

Mark and I discuss:

  • Same sex sexual expression integrated into the social fabric of the ancient world.
  • How social stigma become attached to same sex sexual expression.
  • Philo of Alexandria reinterprets the Sodom and Gomorrah story.
  • The repressive theology of John Chrysostom.
  • The power of the dominant culture to dictate social norms.
  • His passion for Female Ejaculation.
  • Does female ejaculation cause performance anxiety?
  • How information about FE was suppressed.

Mark invites you to visit him on his site HERE! Explore themes like alternative lifestyles, erotica, adult humor, taboos and the history of sex.

Mark put together a little slide show for you

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Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.


Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: : Dr Dick’s Stockroom.


We are what we consume!

Name: Norm
Gender:  Male
Age: 27
Location: St. Louis
How dangerous is Ecstasy? Are the herbal substitutes any safer?

Good question.  Unfortunately, it’s so hard to categorically say how dangerous any particular drug is; there are so many variables.  For example, aspirin can be deadly to some people.  If pharmaceuticals are risky, you can be sure that street drugs are way more so, because you never know how adulterated they are due to careless processing.

Simply put, everything we ingest comes with some risk.  The spinach salad you’ll have for lunch could kill you.  Inevitably, it comes down to the individual.  Is the alleged thrill worth the risk?  Sometimes that’s an easier call than at other times.  My rule of thumb is the more organic the substance and the fewer chemicals involved the better.  But there’s always the possibility that a person will have an adverse reaction to even the purest most organic active ingredient.  So beware.

Ecstasy is an amphetamine that has been chemically altered to give it its hallucinogenic property.  Researchers believe it is potentially toxic to the brain and persistent use can cause serious liver damage. At the same time, ecstasy is being used to help ease dying cancer patients deal with the end of life.

So-called herbal substitutes consist of a variety of compounds. Some of which have been associated with liver inflammation. All of these substitutes have some sort of compound that causes what is known as sympathetic stimulation, because it stimulates the sympathetic nervous system. This results in a state of heightened excitability. Specifically, they increase heart rate, body temperature, and blood pressure, and have an effect on muscle tone. This is the same phenomenon that causes a sense of hyper-alertness or the fight or flight response.  Of course one can say the same about caffeine.  Regardless of what the compound is, when you alter your normal physiology and cause excessive stimulation, there will be a price pay.

Drugs, like sex, allow us to transcend ourselves.  At their best, they distract us form the ordinary day-to-day stuff so that we can focus on what’s happening right in the moment.  Both drugs and sex can give us a peak experiences, but they can also devastate. Our ego boundaries go down, but that can leave us vulnerable at best and paranoid at worst.  We can have a heightened sense of connectedness, or a keen sense of isolation.

If it’s a good sex or drug trip, we want to chase the experience longer than we should.  We go to great lengths to postpone the return to the humdrum of daily live.  This relentless pursuit, more often than not, leads us out of bliss and into despair.  Just ask the addict that is looking for just one more hit.

Some people report that ecstasy increases their self-confidence and their ability to connect with others.  It can make sex seem otherworldly. But ecstasy, while increasing our desire for sex, also diminishes our ability to perform. There’s nothing more frustrating than wanting to fuck, but being unable to because of a limp dick.

That’s why lots of party boys mix drugs like Viagra, or another erection educing pharmaceuticals with their Ex.  However, this can be a fatal combination.  Also, men under the influence are much more likely to think with their dicks, which is a prescription for risky sex. Sex under the influence can also get a whole lot rougher than one anticipates, because we’re unable to process physical sensations like normal.

Finally, there’s the basic law of physics.  What goes up must come down.  Remember, the higher the high, the lower the low.  Count on it!

Name: Trisha
Gender: female
Age: 22
Location: Galveston
I want to surprise my BF with a special anniversary dinner.  We’ve been dating for two whole years and just moved in together.  I want to make something special and sexy.  Got any ideas?

Ahhh yes, as we all know, the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach…or is it his zipper?  Well, whatever!  I’m assuming that you want this little repast to be a prelude to some hot monkey sex, right?  I love the sound of that!  In ever culture I know of, sex and food have always been intimately linked.

There are a variety of foods that arouse feelings of love and that do wonders for one’s romantic life, at least according to one or another culture.  Everything from black beans to cabbage, from bananas and strawberries to oysters; all have been reported to stir amorous feeling in the consumer.  Are they true aphrodisiacs?  Who knows?  Maybe it’s the combination of the loving preparation, the mutual enjoyment and feelings of being full and satisfied that is the big turn on.

People first sought aphrodisiacs as a remedy for various sexual difficulties, especially performance anxiety.  Aphrodisiacs are also thought to boost both male and female potency.  In ancient times nutrition was always an issue. Food hasn’t always been as available as it is today.  And of course, nothing pulls the plug on the libido like malnutrition.  And hunger radically reduces fertility rates.

Our forbearers believed that anything in nature that looked like or represented the male seed, such as bulbs, eggs, snails were considered to have sexual powers. Other types of foods were considered stimulating because they physically resembled genitalia.

Here are a few things to consider as you plan your menu. Greeks and Romans believed aniseed had special powers. Sucking on the seeds is said to increases your desire.  Or maybe it just freshened the breath enough to get close enough to fuck.

Asparagus has a phallic shape.  It’s also fun to feed your lover.  Steamed spears in a pungent lemon dipping sauce will make for a sensuous experience.

Almonds have been a symbol of fertility throughout the ages.  The aroma is thought to induce passion in a female.  Arugula or “rocket” has been considered an aphrodisiac since the first century A.D.  This ingredient was added to grated orchid bulbs and parsnips and also combined with pine nuts and pistachios for a full-on erotic feast. Try an Arugula salad or use it in a pasta sauce with basil another herb said to stimulate the sex drive and boost fertility.

The Aztecs called the avocado tree the “testicle tree” for obvious reasons. The fruit hanging in pairs, as it does, resembles a man’s balls. Serve this fruit with its sensuous texture in slices with a small amount of Balsamic vinegar and freshly ground pepper.

Bananas have a marvelous phallic shape.  But from a more practical standpoint bananas are rich in potassium and B vitamins, necessities for sex hormone production.

The Aztecs referred to chocolate as the “nourishment of the Gods”. Chocolate contains chemicals thought to effect neurotransmitters in the. It also contains more antioxidants than does red wine.  Here’s a tip, combine the two.  Have a glass of Cabernet with a bit of dark chocolate for dessert.

Carrots are believed to be a stimulant to the male. The phallic shape has long been associated with stimulation since ancient times.  Early Middle Eastern royalty used carrots as an aid to their seductions.

The book of The Arabian nights tells a tale of a merchant who had been childless for 40 years and but was cured by a concoction that included coriander. Cilantro is also known as an “appetite” stimulant.

Fennel, like anise, was found to be a source of natural plant estrogens.  Use of fennel as an aphrodisiac dates back to the ancient Egyptians.

An open fig looks like a vagina.  And traditionally it is thought of as sexual stimulant.  A man breaking open a fig and eating it in front of his lover is a powerful erotic act. Serve fresh ripe figs in a bowl of cool of water as they do in Italy.  Be sure to eat with your fingers!

The ‘heat’ in garlic is said to stir sexual desires. Garlic has been used for centuries to cure everything from the common cold to heart ailments.

Ginger root raw, cooked, pickled or crystallized is a powerful stimulant to the circulatory system. And what is good sex if it isn’t all about healthy blood flow?

The Egyptian believed that honey was a cure for sterility and impotence.  Medieval seducers plied their partners with Mead, a fermented drink made from honey.  Lovers on their “Honeymoon” drank mead and it was thought to “sweeten” the marriage.

Chewing on bits of licorice root is said to enhance love and lust. It is particularly stimulating to women. Mustard, maybe because of its bite, is believed to stimulate the sex glands and increase desire. Chinese women prize nutmeg as an aphrodisiac.  In quantity nutmeg can also produce a hallucinogenic effect.

Oysters are legendary aphrodisiacs.  They of course resemble a pussy, but they are also very nutritious and high in protein.

Zinc is a key mineral necessary to maintaining male potency.  Zinc is also reported to heighten sexual performance in both women and men.  An essential good mood nutrient, it triggers the feel-good brain chemical serotonin. Pine nuts are rich in zinc.   They have been used to stimulate the libido as far back as medieval times.

Pineapple is rich in vitamin C and is used in the homeopathic treatment for impotence. Raspberries and strawberries are perfect finger foods for hand feeding your lover. Both of these luscious fruits are described in erotic literature as fruit nipples.

Tomatoes, known as the “love apple” are considered love food, because they have great nutritional value and their acidity is considered a sex stimulant.

The scent and flavor of vanilla is believed to increase lust.  Fill tall Champagne glasses to the rim and add a vanilla bean for a heady, bubbly treat.

Eating is so much more than just chewing and swallowing.  So don’t forget about the presentation.  Food that is colorful and attractive to the eye gets one in a good mood. The smell of the food cooking exhilarates the senses and sets in motion feelings of arousal.

Good luck ya’ll

Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me…

Name: John
Gender:  Male
Age: 16
Location: San Diego
My dick is kinda small.  I want to add 3-5 inches.  How do I do that?

Jeez, this is just about my least favorite topic of all.  I keep promising myself that I won’t small_cock1respond to anymore “how do I grow my dick bigger?” questions.  And then along comes a young pup, like you John, and asks the question again.  Here’s a tip, everything I have to say about cock enlargement schemes I’ve already said.  If you want to know my thoughts about this wearisome topic scroll use my site’s search function in the sidebar to your right.  Search with key words like “cock shape”, “cock size” and “jelqing”.  Once you read through all columns and listen to the podcasts you will have all the information you seek.

Here’s a bit of an overview of what you’ll find.  First, you’re not even completely through puberty yet, John.  So if you could just chill out for a couple more years till your growing spurt is complete, you might find that nature itself will resolve your issue for you.  If, by chance, you find that by your 18th birthday your cock is no bigger than it currently is, then it’s time to make your peace with your piece.  Because basically that’s the dick you’re gonna have to work with for the rest of your life.

In other words, you have about as much chance of growing a bigger dick than what your genetics has determined for you as you do growing your feet bigger or adding inches to your height or changing the color of your skin.  It’s simply not gonna happen.  There is no true way of safely increasing either the width or the length of your johnson, short of a small_cock3surgical intervention. And I never recommend that.

Just like there are ways to give the illusion of bigger feet, darker or lighter skin or being taller than you really are, there are things you can do to create the illusion that you’re growin’ yourself a bigger dick.  But all the creams, the jelqing, the pumps, the weights the what-have-you, will only have a short-term effect if they have any effect at all.  In the end you will have spent a whole lot of money, wasted a lot of time, been consumed with a great deal of anxiety and possibly even injured yourself to wind up having what you’ve always had and not significantly more.

May I suggest that you practice accepting what genetics has determined for you in terms of cock size and everything else.  Because that will give you more time and energy to learn how to use what you have to its greatest benefit.  Luckily, our capacity to be a good, and even great, lover has nothing to do with the size of our cock.  Anyone who tries to tell you different is pullin’ your leg.

Name: Laurel
Gender: female
Age: 42
Location: San Francisco
My best friend, someone I truly love, has been really getting into S&M lately.  Some weeks ago she told me she now has a full-time slave.  She says it’s a lifestyle thing, but I still don’t get it.  The problem I have is that this isn’t a private thing between her and this guy. She parades it around and treats him like a slave 24 hours a day.  I find this really disturbing and it’s like she does this just to annoy me.  My husband and I are complete equals in every way.  I can’t get comfortable watching my friend humiliate and degrade someone like this.  My friend says I should just quit being so uptight.  Is this really just a question of me being closed-minded?  Or is there something radically wrong with someone wanting to humiliate and degrade someone else?

How did your best friend’s lifestyle choices, whatever they might be, suddenly become all about you?  If you really cared for this person as much as you say you do, or better yet, as much as you care for yourself and your delicate sensitivities you’d try to look beyond your superficial appreciation of what’s going on with your friend and her slave.

fem-domYou say your problem with your friend is that she doesn’t keep her perversion private; rather she and her man slave “parade around” 24hr a day.  What, you’d prefer she be a dilettante kinkster? Hell I give her credit for taking this thing seriously.  So many others compartmentalize their lives — this is me for my family and friends — this is me for playmates — and this over here is my secret me.

As to your friend, I doubt that she gives a flying fuck if her public antics annoy you.  In fact, that may very well be why she does it.  Let’s try and look at this as dispassionately as possible.  Your friend, by being so public with her kink, has entered the realm of political and sexual theater.  That is not in any way meant to diminish her commitment to her lifestyle.  On the contrary, only someone who is totally into this would have the fortitude to constantly poke a finger in the eye of polite society.  She has a message for you and us. And I suspect that it has something to do with the unfortunate sex-role stereotyping and stultifying gender conventions that plague our buttoned down society.  But best you get that directly from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

I have no way of knowing why your friend does what she does, but she belongs to a very long and venerable tradition of flying in the face of the popular culture.  Sure she risks being cut off by you and ostracized by others.  And that has to hurt on some level even for those way out on the fringe.  Like all political theatrics she draws you into her world, albeit as an unwilling participant. Humiliating her slave in front of squeamish folks, like you, who don’t share her kink is asking for more than tolerance that’s for sure.  One could make the case that her behavior is foolhardy and counterproductive.  What’s for certain is she’s walking a fine line between performance art and alienation.  In the end, Laurel, you may find that it is you who will need to set the boundaries.slave

And I don’t think this is simply a question of you being too up tight.  But I fear that you are using a conventional mindset to try and decipher these very interesting goings on.  That’s simply not gonna work.  Like I said earlier, she’s being this public about what most people, including yourself, think should be private because she wants to make a statement.  I suspect your conventional mindset doesn’t know what to make of consensual power-play, which is precisely what this is.

You point out that you would never humiliate your husband like this.  No kidding?  Of course you and hubby aren’t engaged in consensual power-play, are you?  Because if you were, you’d understand your friend a whole lot better, even if you still disapproved of her public performances.

If you find your friend’s lifestyle so disturbing, you could simply ask her to chill the scene when you’re around.  She may or may not comply.  Another solution might be that you ask her for some alone time, just she and you, without her slave.  Hell, even a slave get a day off from time to time.  Again she may or may not comply.  If no arrangement can be made, then perhaps it’s time to part ways.  Hopefully you guys could do that with as little acrimony as possible.  There’s no need to burn bridges over this.  Who knows this might be a phase she’s going through…ya know trying to show everyone how edgy she is.  In time she might very well find that the fringe is not all that comfortable and decide to keep her kink more to herself.

Name: Jack
Age: 52
Location: Milwaukee
I’ve been dating this guy for over a year.  He is the love of my life.  I love him so much, but he treats me like shit.  I met him on vacation in Florida.  He’s 26 a stunning, 6’3” 200lbs, blond surfer Adonis.  And excuse me for being so graphic; he has the biggest dick I’d ever seen.  The first time we had sex I saw stars.  He filled me up like no other person has.
When I got home we exchanged emails nearly every day and even had some hot phone sex a couple of times.  He was down on his luck, because he lost his barista job for coming to work stoned too many times.  I know I shouldn’t have, but I invited him to come live with me.  I flew him up, but I told him that this wouldn’t be a free ride, he’d have to stop smoking so much dope and get a job and he agreed.
The sex was fantastic for the first couple of months, but once he established himself as a star at the gym he found his own friends and now I don’t see too much of him.  He eats my food and drinks my liquor and drives my car.  I pay for his cloths and gym membership.  He has yet to find a job.
I know I should just end it, but I love him and I would really miss the sex.  My friends ridicule me for thinking he loves me as much as I love him.  They tell me they know he sees other guys.  I’m so turned around I don’t know what to do.

Like my momma always used to say:  if it’s got wheels or a dick, you know you’re gonna have problems with it.  And I would add, if it’s got big wheels or a big dick you know you’re gonna have BIG problems with it.

Before we turn our attention to your no good boyfriend, let me make a few quick hot guyobservations about you.  You’re a freakin’ mess, girlfriend! I mean really, you’ve broken all the cardinal rules about dating a hustler.  I know, I can hear you now…oh no dr dick, he’s not a hustler; he’s a good kid who’s just down on his luck and I’m just trying to help.  Bullshit!

Ya see, that’s the first cardinal rule of dating a hustler is never lose sight of the fact that he’s a hustler and you’re his john.  Don’t get me wrong; I have the deepest admiration for hustlers and their johns.  It’s just that this arrangement only works if everyone is clear about the ground rules.   And here are the ground rules — rich older gentleman connects with needy younger hunky stud for mutual benefit.  Rich older gentleman keeps needy younger hunky stud in room and board, booze, cloths, car, gym membership and the like; and needy younger hunky stud buggers rich older gentleman senseless with his big blond surfer-boy dick.  Get it?  Got it?  Good!

Second cardinal rule — what happens on vacation should stay on vacation.  Vacation sex, as wonderful and delicious as it may be, does not transplant very well to your non-vacation life.  You’re more likely to have success transplanting a delicate tropical orchid to your Milwaukee backyard than transplanting a vacation hustler fuck to your work-a-day world back home.

Third cardinal rule —don’t try to gloss a perfectly fine, fully functional and even an affectionate hustler/john relationship with talk of love.  It’s unnecessary, unseemly and untrue.  It’s lust, it’s limerence, it’s love sickness, whatever…it’s just not love.  Because LOVE don’t ever make you feel as bad as you’re feelin’.  Probably your friends would have less difficulty with your mooning over this guy if you were more honest about the nature of this relationship.  They wouldn’t be rubbing your face in the evidence that surfer-boy is pluggin’ other dudes.

Fourth cardinal rule — a size queen, like you Jack, should admit that you are enamored with the guy hose and how it fills you up plain and simple.  To pretend that you would string yourself out like this for a guy with tiny meat is just that — pretense.  Listen, there’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ a size queen, it’s the dishonesty I object to.

How is this young fella ever supposed to respect you when you don’t respect for yourself?  He probably had you pegged (no pun intended) back on the beach in the sunshine state. He knows you will tolerate his misbehavior, which of course gives him permission to do whatever he feels like doing whenever he feel like doing it.  And now he don’t even have to give up the occasional mercy fuck any more, even though that was surely part of the deal at the get go, right?

So the waif has yet to find a job after a year, huh?  Why is that not surprising?  But even a hustler needs his mad money, besides what is doled out to him by his long-suffering john.  I’d be willing to guess Mr. surfer dude is turning tricks to keep himself in weed and other essentials.

hot_guy2Thing is, this fellow probably would have treated you better if you would have just stuck to the hustler/john script.  Ya see, kids like this need structure.  He may have looked to you for this at one time, but when he realized that he had you cock-whipped, the teachable moment evaporated.  This lad is probably like most other boys with big dicks.  They learn early on that their cock gives them enormous power, because it is the object of desire for so many.  He soon discovered that you were no different than all the other men (and some women) in his life — only interested in owning a piece of his sizeable endowment.  And so he turned the tables on you.  You can hardly fault the guy.  You try to manipulate him with your money.  He outwits you and manipulates you with his dick.

If you’re really serious about reining in the little monkey, you’d better come up with a clear, unambiguous message about what you will and will not tolerate.  And it better be something more than “I expect you to bone my scrawny middle-aged ass on occasion.” Because, until you do, he will roam wherever and whenever he wants.

There are many root causes for his behavior, just like there are many root causes for your behavior.  But since I’m talking to you, not him, I suggest that you get to the bottom of all of this by investing a good deal of time and energy with a competent sex-positive therapist. There’s one thing I can say for certain, if the status quo continues your resentment will boil over one day and there will be violence, the kind of violence that you may not think yourself capable of now.  But violence there will be; you can bank on it!

Is there enough goodwill between the two of you to resolve this unfortunate situation amicably?  Who knows!  If I had to guess, I’d say there was a slim to no chance for that.  If that’s the case, I advise you pack him up and put him on the next plane south.  And no more relationships for you, particularly with unemployed young men with massive schlongs, till you get your head screwed on tighter.

Good Luck Ya’ll

The Coast Is Clear

Name:  ??
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Location: Miami
I have two unrelated questions: 1. I love anal sex but am concerned that as I age I run the risk of eventually becoming incontinent due to the sexual activity down there. Is white_sneakersthis a valid concern or will my sphincter remain tight enough to hold everything in? I’ve read conflicting opinions. 2. My boyfriend likes the twinks. We’ve been together for about four years and even though I’m only a year younger (he‚s 35), part of the reason he’s attracted to me is my youthful appearance. We have a wonderful relationship — supportive and loving and the sex is great! We even have a semi-open relationship, which is working fine for us so far. However, I’m concerned that at some point he may try something with someone under 18. He enjoys visiting those Barely Legal type porn sites (which hold no interest for me and look illegal). I’ve discussed my concerns with him, and he says I have nothing to worry about because he’d never do anything. But on the other hand, he’s not the most disciplined person in the world. I’m worried that if the opportunity presented itself he wouldn’t be able to resist. If that happened, it would then present emotional and moral problems not to mention legal issues not just for him but (I’m assuming) for me as well. I guess
I’m not sure what my question is. I know the gay community (and really the world) is obsessed with youth, but does this sound like more than that?  Do I have a legitimate concern, or am I being a prude? Obviously you don’t know my boyfriend, but I can’t discern if he just enjoys the fantasy of a younger man/boy or if this could become a problem. If it’s just a fantasy then I have no problem letting him have his fun. Heck, he can fuck all the 20 year olds he wants as far as I’m concerned. (Maybe this stems from my insecurity of growing older even though he insists he will love me even when I’m old and grey). But, if this is more than a fantasy then what do I do?
Thanks, Dr. Dick! Your faithful reader

Let’s address your two concerns in turn.  First, regarding your ass sex question.  Your typical butt-pirate has nothing to worry about in terms of becoming incontinent.  However, you oughta do what every power bottom does to stay in tip-top shape down there — Kegel exercises.

Don’t know kegel exercises from a hole in your head?  Not to worry.  I’ve written and spoken so much about this timely topic, whicht applies to both men and women, I barely have the energy to repeat myself.  So I won’t!

All ya gotta do is use the SEARCH function in the sidebar to your right.  Simply type in the keyword “kegels” and PRESTO!  Just like magic, all my posting and podcasts that include that topic are displayed.  You can read and listen till your heart’s content.

To your other concern, the one about your BF’s interest in the barely-legal crowd; there’s not much you can do about this one way or another.  Most of the adult people I know who have a thing for the young ones keep it on a purely fantasy level.  Those who stray off the daydream path and onto a course of actual pursuit find themselves in all kinds of jeopardy.  Not lest of which is the ridiculous nature of the quest.  Sounds to me like your BF already knows all of this.  But if he doesn’t, it’ll be he who pays, not you.

My advice to you is; take him at his word and worry not.

Name: james
Gender: Male
Age: 48
Location: sutton in ashfield
I have large veins that stick out on my testicles are these anything to worry about

Some guys have smooth balls; some guys have hairy balls; some guys have veiny balls and some guy’s balls are all shriveled up. That’s all balls_uncutthere is to it.

As we age some of us develop varicose veins in our lower extremities.  It’s the force of gravity, don’t cha know.  Varicose veins can occur in our nut sack too.  Sometimes this is associated with wearing a too tight cockring for too long a time.  But it is just as likely to be an issue of genetics.  Not much you can do about it and there is no real danger.

If you aren’t experiencing any discomfort in your family jewels, things are probably ok and I wouldn’t worry.  However, if you are anxious about this, or there is soreness or tenderness or you have other concerns; take your huevos to an MD and have ‘em checked out.  Simple as all that!

Name: Marcus
Gender: Male
Age: 47
Location: Southeast US
I am intrigued by nipple suction pumps, but cannot find much information about their effectiveness on guys. How long do your nipples stay enlarged? Is there any risk or danger in using one of these contraptions? Thanks for any help/direction you can give!

Nipple play is fun for both women and men.  There are several ways of enlarging one’s nipples.  There are low-tech suction devices, metal stretchers and the more high-tech vacuum devices.  All of these systems are very popular.  Have a look in My Stockroom for some examples.  Just search the site using the key word “nipple”.

1 2 5 8 7 6

Wireless Vibrating Nipple Clamps (D120) $32.00
Tit Tuggers (C656) $125.00
The Titilizer (A237) $16.50
10-Piece Cupping Set (B264) $57.00
Snake Bite Kit (A300) $8.00
Nipple Suction Device (B092) $18.00

If you are a casual tit-torturer your nipples will stay enlarged for a few hours.  If you are a hardcore tit-torturer you can completely and permanently alter the look of your nipples.  Is there a risk or is there danger?  Not unless you overdo it.

Name: Tara
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Location: Hoboken, NJ
I got this cute guy friend who’s asked if he can come on my vacation to Bangor, Maine (Stephen King’s home!). So I asked this guy, who’s single, if he wants one bed or two. He said it didn’t matter, so I booked one bed at the hotel. Does this mean he wants to have sex with me? I’m dumping down a ton of money, so I hope so!

How the hell should I know?  He could be hot to get in your pants, or he might simply need an all expense paid holiday.

Why not just ask him.  What’s with the coy routine?  Of course, you could do like the hippies used to do and tell your cute guy friend — “Ass, gas or grass!  No one rides for free.”


Hi, I have a question that I can not ask anyone else so I found your web site and would really appreciate your advice. Ok, so when I have sex sometimes instead of cuming when I have an orgasm, I pee. Sometimes I do cum though. But when it feels really good and I release, I release pee instead of cum. I just want to know if this happens to other people, and why this happens. And can I fix this. What can I do to make this not happen? I don’t like it happening. I feel bad for my boyfriend who has to have pee on his penis. Please, please, please take the time to reply to me. Thank you for your time. Have a great day.
—   Anonymous.

Are you sure that what you are experiencing is pee?  Could it possibly be that you are ejaculating?  For a good deal of information on this, check out the site called The Clitoris.

Of course, lots of women feel like they have to pee when they cum.  In fact, lots of women actually do pee as they cum.

If indeed you are peeing when you cum, I’d say you are experiencing what we in the business call — stress incontinence.

Stress incontinence can happen just about any time.  Anxiety, stress, working out, jogging, fucking crreampie1can all trigger this type of incontinence.

Curiously enough, research shows that younger women actually have more stress incontinence during sex than do older women.  While only 3% of women over age 65 reported incontinence during sexual activity, 29% of women under age 60 did.

Regardless of the cause of the stress incontinence — nervousness, exercise or sex there is one common denominator.  It’s always related to the strength of a woman’s pelvic floor muscles. The weaker those muscles are, the more likely a woman will leak pee during physical exercise, fucking, sneezing or even laughing.

While many women experience stress incontinence from time to time, there’s a relatively simple solution to the problem. Your pelvic muscles and the tissues surrounding them get stretched out and damaged with time.  Pregnancies will also do a number on these muscles.  They also weaken with age.  And if you are overweight, well that will weaken pelvic floor muscles too as well as add to the likelihood of stress incontinence.

So you might be asking right about now, what IS this simple solution?  Why, it’s Kegel exercises, of course.  (See my response to the first correspondent above.)

Good luck ya’ll

Time after time

Name: Frasier
Age: 63
Location: Southern Calif
I’ve been a widower for 9 years now.  But before she died it was always my fantasy to see her suck another guy’s cock.  Since she’s passed away I’ve had this fantasy of me sucking another guy’s cock.  This never crossed my mind before she died.  Can you help me understand this?

Hmmm, Frasier, let me see if I got this straight.  You’ve been a widower for 9 years.  However, while your wife was still living you had a fantasy of watching her suck another guy’s cock.  Ok, not a particularly odd fetish that.  But I am unclear about one thing.  Did this wife sucking other guy’s cock actually happen, or not?  Not that this is particularly important, just wondering.  So, now 9 years later you say you suddenly have the urge to smoke some pole yourself, even though you’ve never thought of doing this before.  Is this correct?

Ahhh even if I understand you correctly, I don’t get the question.  Wait, maybe there is no bjbw.jpgquestion?  Maybe you’re just curious about why a 63 year old confirmed, dyed in the wool straight heterosexual guy like you suddenly realizes he want to suck himself some cock.  I can see how you might find this little discovery a bit disconcerting, but it’s certainly not unprecedented. I guess you’re being startled out of our sexual complacency, huh?  Not to worry, it may simply be situational.  You are probably worried that this makes you queer, right?  I think we can safely say that your curious new interest means no such thing.

Let’s just say for the sake of argument that you decide to pursue this little jones of yours and you take the opportunity to wrap your lips around some other dude’s johnson.  Ok, then what?  Well, basically nothing.  If you find, after this little adventure, that you don’t much like sucking cock and that you’re really still into pussy.  No harm done.  You experimented a little and you now have more information about yourself then you did before the experimental blowjob.  You may simply discover that you only like having your female partners do the cock sucking while you do the watching.  Like I said, a relatively harmless and unremarkable fetish.

But, what if you decide to pursue this little jones of yours and you actually take the opportunity to wrap your lips around some other guy’s johnson and you really like it.  Well that’s a horse of different color, isn’t it?  Then you’ll have to come to grips with the realization that despite you long history of straight heterosexualism, you might be, at this point in your life, kinda bisexual.  How fun for you!

There is of course another explanation.  Some exclusively straight heterosexual guys suck dick not because it’s a turn on…the dick sucking that is.  They do it to be submissive.  Alrighty, whatever turns one’s crank!

I think we can safely say that for the most part, humans are not sexual automatons.  Given a more permissive and sex-positive culture then our own, we’d all be more fluid in our eroticism and sexual expression. It’s true; you are in unfamiliar waters, sexually speaking.  But it’s just a little adventure, not the end of the world. I hope you give yourself permission to experiment a bit.

Ya know, you could hook up with a male escort or see an erotic masseur for a little taste.  In fact, I’d tell the provider what you just told me.  Let him know you’re looking to experiment a little, but you’re unsure how to begin.  I’ll bet the provider will be very helpful.  Write back sometime, I’d love to know how it goes for you.

Name: Joey
Age: 22
Location: Southern Calif
Love doing tina with masturbation and watching really hot porn. Think this is just social fun?

Nope, I don’t Joey.  Despite the prevalence of this dastardly drug, there is nothing fun about tina…crystal meth for those unfamiliar with the term “tina”.  If you love doing tina for whatever reason, I’d wager you’re hooked on that shit.

Listen, I’m not prude when it comes to using some crystalmakesmesexy.jpgdrugs recreationally.  But I think that we’d do well to stick to those drugs that are more natural.  The less processing involved (and meth is the worst in that regard) and fewer added chemicals (OMG, the crap they put in crystal) the better, in my humble opinion.

Despite the admitted high ya get, recent research shows that long-term meth use destroys nerve cells in the brain that regulate dopamine, muscle movement, memory, and decision-making. This damage can be wide-spread and permanent.

Your body reacts to crystal meth the same way it reacts to danger. Crystal floods the body with adrenaline — the same hormone that prepares us for emergencies. Adrenaline gives a super-charge of strength and endurance so the body can deal with danger and injury. But artificially triggering this response over and over again will have serious consequences.

When you use crystal, your nervous system shifts into high gear. The brain floods your body with “danger” messages. Your body responds immediately to what it thinks is a threat. It prepares to fight or to run away. Common body responses to perceived danger include:

  • Pupils dilate to let in more light.
  • Hair stands on end (“getting goose bumps”).
  • Blood vessels just under the skin constrict.
  • Body temperature goes up

Regular, long-term crystal use will diminish sores of neurotransmitters.  Episodes of paranoia and anxiety become more frequent and longer lasting. Blocked blood vessels within the brain can lead to increased chances of stroke.

Crystal fucks with your dopamine levels. Dopamine delivers a sense of reward and pleasure. It is also associated with body movement. Too little dopamine causes paralysis or a Parkinson’s-like tremors and rigidity. Too much dopamine and a person can become paranoid, hear voices and get twisted thoughts. Sound familiar?

Crystal fucks with your serotonin levels.  Serotonin is involved in regulating sleep and sensory perception. It plays a role in moods and regulating body temperature. Serotonin is involved with many emotional disorders like schizophrenia, phobias, super-aggressive states and obsessive-compulsive behavior. Too much serotonin can make it difficult (or impossible) to have an orgasm.  And of course there’s the dreaded “crystal dick”…the inability to get it up.

Joey, listen up!  You’re way too young with too much of your life ahead of you to self-inflict so much serious irreparable damage on yourself.  If this weren’t such a troublesome drug, there wouldn’t be such a virulent anti and reformed tweeker community out there.  Want to know the real truth about “tina” check in at:  You’ll be glad you did.

Name: Shelly
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Location: Raleigh, NC
My boyfriend and I are 20.  We’ve been together for almost two years and we’re in love.  But we have a problem.  I’m pro-choice and he isn’t.  He says he won’t have sex with me unless I agree to have the kid if I get pregnant. I told him there’s no way I can agree to that.  It’s my choice because it’s my body.  But then he says it’s his choice to stop having sex with me because he disagrees with my views. Where do I go from here? I’m not ready to start a family; we’re not even married.

Ya know, Shelly, if men got pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.

Where do you go from here?  Simply put?  Hit the road; or better yet, tell him to.  This dude who you say you love and loves you back is actually trying to control you with his dick.  That’s never a good thing.  It would also set a dangerous precedent for the rest of your relationship.  Because if he gets his way on this one; mark my words, he’ll try the same dickhead ploy over and over again.  I realize you don’t have much of a frame of reference about these things, being as young as you are.  But healthy adult relationships don’t come with sexual unplanned_pregnancy.jpgultimatums.  EVER.

There is of course a way to have your cake and eat it too.  You can enjoy a full and rich sex life and avoid unplanned pregnancies all at the same time.  Let me introduce you kids to a little concept we call contraception.

WTF, you’re both 20 years old, you should have a handle on elementary notion already. Where have you been all your life?  Both of you should be well versed in several methods of contraception.  And you both should practice at least one foolproof method.  If you are too immature to put this together, I can assure you you’re way to immature to commence fucking.  Get it?

Here’s the deal.  I’m not a big fan of abortion either, especially when it’s used as the primary means of avoiding a pregnancy.  And since there’s a very safe and easy way to avoid this unfortunate moral dilemma, you guys would be fools not to take advantage of it.  But wait!  What if the BF is opposed to contraception?  It sure sounds to me like he might.  Well then you really are shit out of luck.  No fucking for you till you’re married.  No, till you are absolutely ready to conceive, even if that’s well after you’re married.  Because you know you’re gonna get knocked up the very first time you let him near your pussy.

Mutual masturbation works an alternative to full on fucking.  But probably there’s some prohibition against that in his world too, huh?  So you see why I said at the beginning that your best option is to hit the road, or tell him to.

Good luck ya’ll

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