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4th Anniversary Show — Podcast #263 — 02/14/11

Hey sex fans,

Happy Valentine’s Day!

And guess what? This week’s show marks my 4th anniversary of podcasting. I know! Can ya fuckin stand it? I mean who would have guessed that we’d have such a long run.

And what a year it has been too. I launched a new podcast series last year it’s called: Play With It. The Sex EDGE-U-cation and the SEX WISDOM series, both of which appear on Wednesdays are going strong. And The Erotic Mind podcast series, which is now three years old, also continues to share Mondays with my traditional Q&A podcasts like today’s show.

I have a bunch of very interesting questions from the sexually worrisome to dazzle you with today. And I also have a little bonus material to offer you in celebration of my podcasting anniversary. I have yet another installment in my acclaimed Sexual Enrichment programming to launch us into year #5 with a bang.

  • Adriana is a new mother, but her hubby is acting like a baby.
  • Jason is afraid he’s gonna run out of sperm.
  • Karen wants to know why people get it on.
  • A special Sexual Enrichment spot: HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN ADULT VIDEO

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

The Open Relationship Model

Podcasts will resume next Monday, September 6th.

Deviating from the norm. Is it worth it?

Since the launch of the Sex EDGE-U-cation podcast series in early 2009; I’ve been hearing from a lot of people who are considering opening their relationships to include additional partners to augment their primary relationships. People point to the increasing media attention polyamory is garnering as a way of justifying their interest.

It’s true; polyamory is enjoying an efflorescence in popular culture these days. But this mirrors the spike in interest that swinging had a couple of decades ago. This suggests to me that there is a fissure at the foundation of the dominant relationship model of the monogamous heterosexual, reproductive pair. All the sociological underpinnings of why our culture promotes this paradigm aside, I think it is undeniable that there is a level of dissatisfaction on the part of many who initially bought into this model as the only way to live, love and raise small herds of children. But is it?

People may feel trapped in the traditional expression of a committed relationship. But while they may be second-guessing the party line, they are equally wary of throwing open the doors in a haphazard way, and rightfully so.

I’ve been reading a lot about polyamory lately. It seems it’s the topic du jour in all the women’s magazines. Do open relationships really work?
—Cameron

For starters, the viability of an open relationship depends on the maturity level of the people who are considering opening up their sexually exclusive relationship. And how much they’re willing to work at communicating with one another through all the little details that such a decision entails. One thing for sure, I am willing to go on record to say that the devil, in this case, really is in the details.

That being said, there are a few things us sex researchers know for sure. In most cultures, people claim to practice sexual exclusivity, which is commonly referred to as monogamy. Although I think that’s a misnomer. Monogamy literally means having one union, which as we all know tells us nothing about the sexual expression either or both partners are supposedly sharing in.

Lifetime sexual exclusivity (being sexually involved with only one person for one’s entire life) is rare. Serial sexual exclusivity (having a series of exclusive relationships over one’s life) is much more common. And despite knowing that we humans do not mate for life, we continue to presume that sexual exclusivity, or monogamy is the only legitimate form of coupling.

This, unfortunately, leads to our culture’s obsession with cheating—that is, having sex with someone outside of a monogamous relationship. And frankly, what I know about humans, human relationships and human sexuality; I can say for certain that fidelity is not necessarily a genital issue. One can indeed be faithful to someone else and still have the freedom to express him/herself sexually with others. It happens all the time. In these cases, fidelity is to the relationship and the agreements, parameters and boundaries mutually agreed upon by the partners. Which gets me back to my opening comment about the need for communication. Of course, it’s much easier to presume that everyone in a relationship is working under the same rubric, but that kind of presumption is a fool’s paradise.

Another shortcoming of setting up sexual exclusivity or monogamy as the only legitimate type of coupling is that it diminishes all the other types of relationships that flourish, albeit in a more covert way. And here I’m talking about an array of open relationship models—and polyamory. The fact that we’re only now hearing about these non-traditional relationships shouldn’t suggest to you, or anyone, that they don’t exist; or that they aren’t practical alternatives to the traditional monogamous model, or that they aren’t practiced by a lot of people. They do and they are! It just means that most people in non-traditional relationships know not to go public in a society that would denigrate them for their lifestyle choices. That’s how things are here in the good old US of A; and I’ll wager it’s also true for the rest of the world. Am I right, or am I right?

Open relationships and polyamorous relationships work because the people in them adhere to some basic tenets about how to conduct themselves.

First among them is the notion that these alternative relationships must be chosen; they can’t be mandated. If one or another of the persons considering an open or poly relationship is being pressured to go along with the flow, or is fearful that he/she will be alone if he/she doesn’t comply with the will of the other(s). That kind of emotional duress will not work.

Each person in the relationship needs to take responsibility for the choices he/she is making. If you’re not up for the task, or if this kind of arrangement is not compatible with your personality type, don’t attempt to override that. You will only jeopardize the relationship for the other(s) involved. However, if the idea appeals to you, give it your best shot. I can guarantee that it will be a learning experience. Just remember, exploring something and having it carved in stone are two very different things.

Second, communication is key. The more complex the relationship structure, the greater the need for open lines of communication. Know your boundaries and express them clearly. Ask questions; never assume you know something when you don’t.

Third, know yourself! You must be able to deal with your emotions, particularly jealousy, in an up-front, adult way. This is often much easier said than done. If you need to be the center of attention just so you can feel good about yourself, or you have serious territorial issues—this is mine, this is mine, and THIS is mine!—then alternative relationship models are probably not for you.

Know what keeps you even keel in terms of what you need and what you are able to give. There has got to be a healthy tension between these two things. If you’re the kind who gives too much and resents not being rewarded for your gifts, stay away from alternative relationships. Or if you are so needy that you can’t stand it when someone else is enjoying his/her time in the sun; open or poly relationships are decidedly not for you.

You should also know that alternative relationships, of whatever stripe, are, for the most part, on the fringes of what society will accept. And some are outright taboo. This doesn’t mean you will have to slug it out on your own in a vacuum of support. On the contrary, you will, no doubt, find that the people who are living contrary to the expectations of the popular culture are often a whole lot more generous with their support and compassion then those following all the rules.

You will find that your support system will shift from more traditional sources like traditional family, church and community to alternative sources like clubs and social groupings of other like-minded individuals as yourself. A common mistake made by those in non-traditional relationships is to take their problems and issues to their traditional support systems. This rarely works because the traditional support system will inevitably blame the non-traditional relationship setup for the problem. This is not true, of course, but how would those in traditional relationships know otherwise.

I always suggest that those in non-traditional relationships bring their issues to a non-traditional support system. Here you are less likely to encounter judgments about your life choices and more help with overcoming the problems at hand.

In the end, it’s your call. Are the potential rewards as well as challenges associated with an open relationship worth taking more than the voyeuristic peek behind the curtain that the women’s magazines provide you?

Good luck!

The Erotic Mind of Jesse Belle-Jones – Podcast #224 – 08/09/10

Hey sex fans,

Do ya’ll remember several weeks ago when I interviewed John Woods & Cass King; they were in town to produce their stage production called SHINE: A Burlesque Musical? I mean, how could you forget that, right?

Well, at about that same time I began to follow the tweets of one the cast members of that show. I became so jazzed by her and all the brilliant stuff she was doing that I decided to hit her up to be my guest for the Sex EDGE-U-cation podcast series. But midway through our conversation I realize that we are discussing erotic art as much as anything else. And that’s when it comes to me; my guest, the exceptional burlesque talent, Jesse Belle-Jones, fits equally well into my The Erotic Mind series too.

So not only is Jesse’s appearance here today another wonderful twofer; she is also the first guest in this series that creates her erotic art using the medium of her very own body! Hot DAMN!

Jesse and I discuss:

  • Behind the scenes at SHINE: A Burlesque Musical;
  • Sinner/Saint Burlesque
  • Local burlesque critics;
  • Body politics;
  • What is “good” burlesque;
  • Naked Girls Reading
  • Her appearance at The Seattle Erotic Art Festival; http://www.seattleerotic.org
  • Will there be a Naked Boys Reading;
  • BurlyCon
  • The purpose of the convention and who’s invited;
  • Workshops and panel discussions;
  • Crossing cultural boundaries;
  • How she got her start in burlesque;
  • Her stage name;
  • Her favorite aspects of burlesque.

Jesse invites you into her world. Visit her on her troupe’s site HERE! You’ll find her at the Naked Girls Reading site HERE! And for all you burlesque aficionados there BurlyCon HERE!

See a slideshow of Jesse at work and play.

Click on the thumbnails below.

[nggallery id=84]

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Fleshlight & FleshJack.

The Erotic Mind of David Lawrence – Podcast #221 – 07/26/10

Hey sex fans,

I have fantastic show in store for you today; it happens to be another twofer. My guest is so talented and his interests so diverse that he rightly falls into both The Erotic Mind and the Sex EDGE-U-cation podcast series. I love when that happens.  I have the distinct pleasure of welcoming a legend, David Lawrence.

I happen to know a number of very talented riggers, some of them have appeared on this show. And I know even more outstanding photographers; and a lot of them have appeared on this show too. But David is both. He has mastered photography and Shibari, the Art of Japanese Rope Bondage. And that, my friends, takes a huge amount of dedication!

David and I discuss:

  • His 30 years of professional photography work.
  • The appearance of erotic themes in his art.
  • Getting his start with Shibari.
  • Rigging all his own shoots.
  • The similarities and differences between the two art forms.
  • It’s all about passion.
  • What comes first — the bondage scene or the photographic concept.
  • His newest endeavor — Men BOUND.
  • Culturally induced responses to an image of a bound woman and a bound man.

Be sure to check out David’s astonishing photography, his brilliant rope work and his workshops and mentoring program, all of which are on his website HERE!

Click on the banner below to reserve your copy of reBOUND.

Enjoy a slideshow of some of David’s stunning images below.

[nggallery id=80]

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

I wanna take a moment to remind you to check out another great website in the Dr Dick family of sites. It’s my new PRODUCT REVIEW site — drdicksextoyreviews.com

That’s right, sex fans, now it’s so easy to see what hot and what’s not in the world of adult products. I review of all kinds of adult related goodies — sex toys for sure, but also condoms, lubes, herbal products, fetish gear as well as educational and enrichment videos. DON’T MISS A SINGLE ONE!

Look for the drdicksextoyreviews.com. You’ll be so glad you did.

Tonya Winter, Part 2 – Podcast #211 – 06/09/10

Hey sex fans,

Today we return to the cavernous workspace of Queen of Kink Couture, Tonya Winter. This week’s audio pilgrimage marks Part 2 of our conversation and her highly anticipated return as part of the Sex EDGE-U-cation as well as The Erotic Mind podcast series

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 or our conversation that appeared here last week, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in my Podcast Archive. All ya gotta do is use the site’s search function in the sidebar to your right; type in Podcast #209 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Tonya and I discuss:

  • Materials and design specifics.
  • Darlex, Spandex, PVC, Stretch Mesh.
  • Arm binders & sleep sacks.
  • Her kinky life.
  • The unique bondage experience using her materials.
  • Endorphins & adrenalin.
  • Power play — bottoming, topping and empathy.
  • The recreation and cathartic aspects of power play.
  • Her sexual heroes.

Be sure to visit Tonya at her websites HERE and HERE! She’s even on Facebook HERE!

See another slideshow of some Tonya’s brilliant work below.

[nggallery id=73]

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Fleshlight & FleshJack.

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