Search Results: Safe Sex

You are browsing the search results for safe sex

A Story With A Happy Ending

Name: Nathan
Gender: Male
Age: 37
Location: Dallas
I’m a married guy with a great wife and 3 beautiful kids. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a masseuse I found on Craigslist. I don’t have a lot of experience with massage and thought I would be safe going to a guy instead of a woman. The guy was really nice and did a good massage, but somehow I popped wood near the end of the massage. I was really embarrassed, but he was like totally ok with that. Then he asked if I wanted a happy ending. I didn’t even know what that was till he started to massage my ass and blow me. I have to admit it was totally amazing. I never felt anything like it before in my life. My wife sometimes will give me oral sex, but nothing like this. I blew a load like nothing I ever did before. I though my insides were coming out of my cock. I was amazed and scared and confused and I could hardly sit up. Then the guy said I had a real healthy prostate. I said, WHAT? And he said he was massaging my prostate while he was sucking me off. I can’t stop thinking about this. I want more but I feel really guilty and I’m afraid this is going to make me gay.

What a great story, Nathan. But we need to clear up a few things. A masseuse is a female practitioner of massage. A masseur is a male practitioner. This is a common enough mistake, but I thought you should know the proper usage for further reference. Because you can see how a little unintended slip like this will make all the difference in the world. If you say a masseuse gave you a blowjob that’s totally different from getting a blowjob from a masseur, don’t ‘cha know.massage_butt.jpg

I’m gonna also guess you never had a prostate massage before this encounter with the masseur. A prostate massage coupled with your first blowjob from a guy…hell, you are lucky your insides didn’t shoot out your dick along with your spooge. I’m joking of course, but it does stand to reason that you had such an intense and explosive orgasm and ejaculation. That’s precisely what a prostate massage does, honey.

Now, let’s see if we can figure out why you can’t stop thinking about this. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to analyze that either. This was a peak sexual experience for you. I mean, beside the mind-blowing release, the means by which you had this orgasm — the guy’s finger in your ass and the guy’s mouth on your dick were both unexpected and apparently unprecedented. So I figure you had very little time to cognitively respond to the stimuli before things came to their explosive climax, so to speak, as it were. And you did say you were already relaxed and aroused by the massage, right?

I’d be willing to bet that if you had some emotional distance from the experience you would realize your body was simply responding to the stimulus it was receiving. Your dick and your prostate weren’t able to distinguish the gender of the person diddlin’ your ass and suckin’ your dick. And since your brain was occupied with all these new sensations you had little time, if any to process and possibly protest. And maybe you wouldn’t have protested even if you could. Maybe you wanted to take this little walk on the wild side. Trust me, lots of guys do.

come as you areNow that the event has passed, you have plenty of time to process. And process you are…to within an inch of its life…if ya ask me. This experience looms so large for you because it is forbidden fruit, so to speak. It upsets the apple cart of your cozy and predictable heterosexuality. I mean it’s one thing to pop wood on a massage table. It’s something totally different to blow a wad while a guy is givin’ you head.

And now that you have all this time on your hands to keep pouring over and over this in you head, the event has taken on a proportion it probably wouldn’t have otherwise.

Let me put your mind to rest, one blowjob from a guy…even an earth-shatterin, prostate-massagin’ blowjob, like the kind you got from this fabulous masseur…won’t make you gay. Nor does wanting to repeat the experience make you gay. All this experience really tells us is that you like a good blowjob and you now know where to get a really fantastic one when next you want one.

Think about it this way. Say you went to a Chinese restaurant and, to your great surprise, had the best dim sum ever. You were so impressed with the food that you’ve been eager to return to this particular eatery for another go at those tasty vittles. Does this desire for yummy dim sum make you Chinese? I don’t think so…that is unless you were Chinese before you went to the restaurant.

Finally, the guilt you’re experiencing, where might that be coming from? There are so many sources one would be hard-pressed to come up with an exhaustive list. But let’s look at the top contenders.hands & butt

  • You’re married with a family. You had a sexual experience…unplanned as it might have been…with someone other than your wife. BINGO!
  • Our culture’s buttoned-down sex and gender stereotypes — who can do what to whom. BINGO!
  • The dictates of our sex-negative society about what is proper and what is not in terms of sexual exploration and experimentation. BINGO!
  • The shame of possibly being labeled a fag. BINGO!
  • The fear of your own desires and where they might lead you. BINGO!
  • The allure of the forbidden and the explosive charge the illicit. BINGO.

The experience you had with that masseur, Nathan, is so highly charged, both culturally and sexually, that it will take some while for you to find your balance once again. In the interim, my I suggest that you postpone any judgments about yourself or what the incident might imply about you until you’ve have some emotional distance and the time to calmly process all of this. In the final analysis, I think you’ll come to the conclusion that this is a relatively harmless sexual outlet. The masseur is providing you a service…I mean beyond the obvious. He is providing you a safe, secure non-judgmental environment to exercise and expand your sexual repertoire. Think of it like a place you go to learn about the wonders of sexual dim sum.

Good luck

A Time For Every Purpose

Name: Pete
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: Ohio
Dr Dick: I am gay and I have no idea how to break it to my family. And they say, every time they see a gay guy, look at that fag glad he’s not my kid. I would disown him. Just wondering if u could help me.

Ain’t it a bitch being surrounded by a bunch of yahoos! Coming out is rarely easy, but doing so to ignorant, fearful, bigoted people is the worst.

Pete, you should know that such bigotry is deeply rooted in the bigot’s own fear about him or herself. It stands to reason, all irrational fears and hatred, like homophobia, are more indicative of the troubled psychological make-up of the one with the prejudice rather than the people he or she abhors.

christian coming out

Often people will use religion to back up their prejudice. It’s particularly galling when non-religious people do this. But it’s safe to say that authentically religious people don’t need to persecute or ostracize those who do not believe as they do. Any more than authentically heterosexual people need to persecute or ostracize people of other sexual persuasions. Let that be the standard by which you judge the worth of any message coming from a religious dogmatist or a moralizing heterosexual.

Before you start in on the self-disclosure thing with your family, Pete, I suggest you first try to clear a path for that discussion. Begin by challenging those around you who shame or denigrate those who are different. Ask them why they make such ridiculously uninformed and hurtful statements. Ask them if degrading other people makes them feel superior. And if it does, what does that say about their inadequacies. You could suggest that their intolerance of gay and lesbian people proves they have some hidden, unresolved sexual issues that they need to address. I mean — me thinks you doth protest too much — and all that, right?

If your family environment doesn’t improve with that tactic, you may find that, at least in the short run, discretion is the better part of valor. Sometimes coming out to one’s family is best done only after you’ve come out to friends and co-workers. This strategy will provide you a bank of support that you can fall back on if the family disclosure things turn out badly.

My counsel to those just starting the coming out process is to reserve the good news about you and your sexuality for the audience best situated to receive it. Celebrate your queerness with open-minded people first. Nowadays there’s way more acceptance of alternative lifestyles in the popular culture then ever before. Younger people, particularly, seem to have more tolerance for diversity. But however you choose to handle this difficult yet important developmental task, don’t sink to the lowest common denominator. Don’t cave into the bigotry that surrounds you. Don’t let it intimidate you into a life of shame, repression, or self-loathing. Live authentically, Pete. And live proud! Because when you do, you are a shining example of a happy, healthy and integrated and well-adjusted human being.

Read other people’s coming out stories; they may offer you strategies for your own coming out.  Then consider sharing your story to help others.

Finally, just remember you are not alone. Sex positive and gay positive organizations abound. If you need help with any of your coming out, if you’re feeling isolated and alone — turn to one of them. They are there to help. And there are even support organizations for your family members too. Turn them on to: PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Gays and Lesbians).

Good luck

Pride Goeth Before The Fall

Name: Jen
Gender: female
Age: 59
Location: North Dakota

I’m a widow and I am so sad. The fellow I’m going with, I really love him, but I can’t have an orgasm with him. I was able to have an orgasm with my husband who is passed away. And I can when I am playing with a toy by myself.

He has such pride and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, because it would take me about a half hour of foreplay to get there.

Thank you for your message, Jen. Your concern about your man and his inability to rock your world is, sadly, a very familiar complaint. I hear it from women all the time.pride

You say that your man is prideful and that you don’t want to hurt his feelings. But are you really willing to sacrifice your sexual wellbeing on that altar? I hope not. Even prideful men can learn something about pleasuring the woman they are with.

Let’s just say that this guy your dating knew how to pleasure all the women he has ever been with previous to you. That pedigree doesn’t make him an expert on pleasuring every other women he will meet, and that includes you.

Allow me to share with you the exchange I had with another woman in your situation. Perhaps my advice to her will be helpful to you. This is from…

Name: Zoe
Gender: female
Age: 25
Location: Boise
I learned how to masturbate when I was 12. From that first time I’ve loved how it makes me feel. No matter how good my lovers are; they never come close to the pleasure I feel when I’m touching myself. I like the intimacy I have with my boyfriend, but he’s not very good in the sack. I’ve been trying to get him to watch me masturbate, or we could masturbate together, so that he’d know how to touch me and make the bells ring. Unfortunately, he’s really straight-laced and he thinks my suggestion is perverted. He resists every time I bring it up. Sometimes after we have sex, I wait for him to fall asleep then get myself off. Is this selfish?

selfish-man

You betcha it’s selfish, selfish as all get-out. Not you, Zoe, but the bonehead you’re fuckin’. This is a classic, “you can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make him drink” sorta deal. Only here we have a “you can lead the horse’s ass to the mysteries of pussy, but you can’t make him appreciate them.”

I gotta ask, what makes a sexually enlightened chick like you hook up with and stay with bozo like him? Do you actually think that he’s gonna magically come around one fine day and let you lead him to nirvana? I think not. You know why I think this? It’s because you’ve created a monster — an “all I need to worry about is me gettin’ off in my girlfriend’s snatch” kinda monster. And that’s one scary kinda monster.

I am of the mind that it’s fruitless to try to get an obstinate partner, like your guy to do something he doesn’t want to do. The nagging alone will harden his resolve to resist. This does not mean you’ll never get your way. It just means that you have to go about this in a completely different way than, “oh honey, won’t you please cum and watch me jill-off? In the numbskull’s defense, he may be missing the point completely. He may not understand why you want him to watch you pleasure yourself. So if your agenda is to get him to be a better lover, that’s how you’re gonna have to approach the big lug.

First off, he needs to be told, in no uncertain terms, that he’s not the Hercules in the boudoir he thinks he is. This is gonna sting his ego like crazy and it might very well be the end of him and you altogether. But I assure you, risking this is much better than maintaining the status quo. Because, with each passing fuck, he will be more convinced then the fuck before that he’s da man.im_da_man

Once you burst his bubble, you’ll need to immediately inflate a new one for and with him. Us men folk can’t live very long with out our illusions. Begin this inflation process by taking some responsibility for this predicament. Own up to keeping him in the dark about his lack of sexual prowess. Then tell him that there’s a very easy and fun fix for the problem. Maybe if he understands that you want to jill-off for him as a tutorial, he’d be more compliant.

I’d be willing to guess that if you made this presentation more of a game or a role-play scenario then a seminar he’d be more receptive. Why not try something like this. Introduce a blindfold into your sex play. Have him strip down to his jock for you, then blindfold him. It’s gonna be his job to get you off without using the magic wand he has stuck in his jock. The blindfold will necessitate that he use his hands (and mouth) to find and pleasure you. While you tease his dick inside his jock guide his hands to your pussy. He’ll no doubt be fumbling around at first, so you’ll have to encourage him with some dirty talk, or actually use his hand to jill yourself off. Just remember keep it fun and playful and keep his dick safely tucked away.

You can see how this little exercise could be educational for him without being emasculating. Once he figures out that there’s more to sex than the old in and out, he might actually cum around, so to speak. Similarly, you might, on another occasion, submit to the blindfold yourself and have him use your hand to jack himself off. In time, you be able to do away with the blindfold altogether. But then, you might want to introduce restraints of some sort. While he’s buck naked and restrained put on a hot and horny show for him. Tease him with your self-pleasuring, but don’t let him touch you. Maybe rub yourself with his stiff cock. Since he’ll be unable to resist, it will be like masturbating with his pecker. Doesn’t that sound like a load of fun for all concerned?

Good luck

You’re gonna have to come out as a perv, sweetheart!

Name: Tammy
Gender: Female
Age: 32
Location: Chicago
My innermost desire is to have a dominant type man take control in sex and get down and dirty with me. But I never meet that kind of guy in my regular social life. It doesn’t seem like such a difficult thing, but it’s been out of reach all of my life. It has left me feeling like I don’t want to get involved with anyone and only have to deal with more disappointment. I feel like I’m at a dead end…and troubled about it!

Tammy, don’t despair. You’re just looking in the wrong place for the thing you desire most.wishin' & hopin'

Before I get too far into this, I just want to make sure I understand you correctly. When you say you want a dominant type of man to take control in sex; I’m gonna assume you don’t want some loutish, uncouth Neanderthal who will treat you like shit, right? You do, however, want a man to dominate you, but not without respecting you first, right? Ok, lets start there.

First off, you’re gonna have to come out as a perv, sweetheart…yeah, “perv” like in pervert. That’s what the folks in the kink community call themselves. You’re a kinky perv! Say it loud, Say it proud! And you need to connect with other kinky pervs. There may be some closeted pervs in your current social circle, but you’ll probably never know for sure. Times being what they are, most kinksters save that information for their friends in the kink community. So it’s high time to shift gears and start socializing in that community. They’ll welcome you, embrace you and help you realize your innermost desires.

Once you can admit to yourself who you are and give a name to what you desire, you will have more success finding what you want. Tammy, you are a submissive (sub) in search of her Dom (dominant). You also need to figure out if you are looking for a casual hookup or if you want to make this a lifestyle. Here’s a tip; kinksters and pervs alike will be less likely to embrace you if they think you’re a dilettante. A true Dom/sub relationship is one that permeates all layers of a person’s life, not just a role-play in the boudoir. In fact, most Dom/sub relationships are not centered on sex. Not that sex is ruled out, of course.

Begin the process of self-identification by taking stock of who you are, everything from your taste in music to your spirituality and politics. The more you know about yourself, the easier it will be for you to connect with the dom of you’re your dreams.

kinkyThe internets is gonna be your new best friend as you begin your search. You’ll need to learn some of the lingo and there are plenty of resource sites out there that can help you. Do a search using keywords like Dominant, Master, Domme, Mistress, Submissive. Luckily, you’re in a major metropolitan area. You’ll have no trouble at all connecting with the perv community in your area by just following some of the links you discover in your online search.

Be sure to check out Fet Life, it’s the Facebook for the pervy set. Heck, you’ll even find me there if you look hard enough.

Most kink sites have bulletin boards and/or member profiles. Once you get your bearings and have a grip on some of the vocabulary, you’ll want to set up a profile yourself. Be as clear about what it is you want as possible. Big cities, like Chicago, also have perv organizations that welcome a novice kinkster to local social events and meet and greets. Some even have demo’s and workshops. You’d do well to immerse yourself in this subculture, because the more information you have the more enlightened your future choices will be.

When connecting online with other pervs, be courteous. You’ll no doubt encounter an array of lifestyle choices and sexual proclivities, some of which may be off-putting to you. Remember, you are the guest here. Leave your uptight judgments and provincial attitudes at the door. You’re will have to earn the trust and respect of this community if you ever hope to be taken seriously by them.

Once you are acclimated to your new surroundings, you might want to set up a meeting with a Dom who interest you. This should strictly be a vanilla meeting in a neutral place. Look for a seasoned Dom. Ask for references from the Dom you are interviewing. These should include other submissives that this Dom has been with. Beware of a Dom without proper references.

Before connecting with a Dom, be sure you get his/her phone numbers — home, cell phone. Of course, you’ll have to share your numbers with him/her as well. If ya can’t trust one another with phone numbers there’s no likelihood that this is gonna be the match made in heaven. The more confidence you have in the Dom the more trust you’ll able to invest in him/her…the safer you’ll be. And since all sub/Dom relationships are grounded in trust there’s no substitute for absolute trust.

Being a submissive is a state of mind. It is not a particular sex act, it is not a game, and it is not role-playing and it is not gender specific. The best Dom/sub relationships are those that express a mutuality of care, concern and trust. And here’s a tip: your commitment to you Dom ought exceed your need for him/her.

Finally, if ya don’t mind a little shameless self-promotion, allow me to introduce you to The Gospel of Kink; A Modern Guide To Asking For What You Want And Getting What You Ask For. It’s a communication and relationship-building workshop in book form and it is written specifically for budding kinksters, just like you.Gospel of Kink

The Gospel of Kink’s innovative and interactive format presents the reader with numerous situations and dilemmas that arise as people embrace their kinkiness and integrate their eroticism into daily life.

The Gospel of Kink is on the cutting edge of the sex-positive and kink-aware movements. This workbook helps the reader break free from the painful silence the dominant culture imposes on alt culture and those of us on the sexual fringe.

The Gospel of Kink provides an opportunity to learn from people just like you. Its on-the-page workshop features a group of ten fictional characters who are your fellow participants. In addition, it includes a panel of actual seasoned kinky, BDSM, and alt culture practitioners who share their expertise and life experience with you.

The Gospel of Kink engages you with numerous exercises and homework. As a workshop participant, you will complete A Personal Alt Relationship Inventory, discuss the Essentials of Effective Communication, identify Tools and Techniques for Navigating Alt Relationship Conflicts, and learn how to Keep Things Fresh and Interesting.

The Gospel of Kink provides a safe and secure place for you to air your concerns without fear of being judged for how you live your life or with whom you choose to live it. You will learn within a framework of honesty, activity, alliance, support, and humor.

Good luck

Do you like this posting? Your one-time $10 donation will help support this sex positive effort. With your help we can continue to enrich, inform, and educate all who visit here. Join us and help make a difference!

I’m confused

Name: sexdout
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Location: Toledo
My wife wants to have sex every night, but it’s been three years and I just can’t fuck like I used to. What do I do?

REALLY? You’re 28 and you can give up the bump at least once a day? Holy cow; what’s up with you? Are you stressed out; sleep deprived; or overweight? Are you on any medications like antidepressants or antihistamines?sexual-enrichment

If you can’t fuck like you usta; what can you fuck like? Is this a libido thing? Is it an interest thing? Or is it a boredom thing? Would you know how to pleasure your wife without taxing your pathetic worn-out peanut? If not, that’s where I think you oughta start looking for answers to your question; “What do I do?”

There’s so much more to sexual satisfaction for both women and men than the old in and out. Here’s where your biggest sex organ, the one between your ears, will come in handy. Try some sex toys, read some erotica, look into some kinky stuff. Check out the category pull-down menu in the sidebar to your right. Scroll down till you see the ENRICHMENT category. There’s a subcategory under that called Sexual Enrichment. Choose that and you will be presented with a treasure trove of ideas in both written and podcast form. There are tons of topics under the LIFESTYLE/RELATIONSHIPS Category and the SEX THERAPY Category too. Check ‘em out; you’ll be glad you did.

 

Name: RICKY
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Location: NEW YORK
MY PARTNER HE USES A CONDOM DURING ANAL SEX BUT WHEN HE IS READY TO CUM HE PULLS IT OFF AND CUMS ON MY FACE. IS THIS SAFE?

facialThis is called a facial, pup and it’s completely safe. Unless, of course, you get your partner gets his spunk in your eyes. THAT STUFF WILL BURN LIKE CRAZY.

Good luck you guys!