My podcasts will return next week. Till then enjoy…
Location: San Diego
My dick is kinda small. I want to add 3-5 inches. How do I do that?
Jeez, this is just about my least favorite topic of all. I keep promising myself that I won’t respond to anymore “how do I grow my dick bigger?” questions. And then along comes a young pup, like you John, and asks the question again. Here’s a tip, everything I have to say about cock enlargement schemes I’ve already said. If you want to know my thoughts about this wearisome topic scroll use my site’s search function in the sidebar to your right. Search with key words like “cock shape”, “cock size” and “jelqing”. Once you read through all columns and listen to the podcasts you will have all the information you seek.
Here’s a bit of an overview of what you’ll find. First, you’re not even completely through puberty yet, John. So if you could just chill out for a couple more years till your growing spurt is complete, you might find that nature itself will resolve your issue for you. If, by chance, you find that by your 18th birthday your cock is no bigger than it currently is, then it’s time to make your peace with your piece. Because basically that’s the dick you’re gonna have to work with for the rest of your life.
In other words, you have about as much chance of growing a bigger dick than what your genetics has determined for you as you do growing your feet bigger or adding inches to your height or changing the color of your skin. It’s simply not gonna happen. There is no true way of safely increasing either the width or the length of your johnson, short of a surgical intervention. And I never recommend that.
Just like there are ways to give the illusion of bigger feet, darker or lighter skin or being taller than you really are, there are things you can do to create the illusion that you’re growin’ yourself a bigger dick. But all the creams, the jelqing, the pumps, the weights the what-have-you, will only have a short-term effect if they have any effect at all. In the end you will have spent a whole lot of money, wasted a lot of time, been consumed with a great deal of anxiety and possibly even injured yourself to wind up having what you’ve always had and not significantly more.
May I suggest that you practice accepting what genetics has determined for you in terms of cock size and everything else. Because that will give you more time and energy to learn how to use what you have to its greatest benefit. Luckily, our capacity to be a good, and even great, lover has nothing to do with the size of our cock. Anyone who tries to tell you different is pullin’ your leg.
Location: San Francisco
My best friend, someone I truly love, has been really getting into S&M lately. Some weeks ago she told me she now has a full-time slave. She says it’s a lifestyle thing, but I still don’t get it. The problem I have is that this isn’t a private thing between her and this guy. She parades it around and treats him like a slave 24 hours a day. I find this really disturbing and it’s like she does this just to annoy me. My husband and I are complete equals in every way. I can’t get comfortable watching my friend humiliate and degrade someone like this. My friend says I should just quit being so uptight. Is this really just a question of me being closed-minded? Or is there something radically wrong with someone wanting to humiliate and degrade someone else?
How did your best friend’s lifestyle choices, whatever they might be, suddenly become all about you? If you really cared for this person as much as you say you do, or better yet, as much as you care for yourself and your delicate sensitivities you’d try to look beyond your superficial appreciation of what’s going on with your friend and her slave.
You say your problem with your friend is that she doesn’t keep her perversion private; rather she and her man slave “parade around” 24hr a day. What, you’d prefer she be a dilettante kinkster? Hell I give her credit for taking this thing seriously. So many others compartmentalize their lives — this is me for my family and friends — this is me for playmates — and this over here is my secret me.
As to your friend, I doubt that she gives a flying fuck if her public antics annoy you. In fact, that may very well be why she does it. Let’s try and look at this as dispassionately as possible. Your friend, by being so public with her kink, has entered the realm of political and sexual theater. That is not in any way meant to diminish her commitment to her lifestyle. On the contrary, only someone who is totally into this would have the fortitude to constantly poke a finger in the eye of polite society. She has a message for you and us. And I suspect that it has something to do with the unfortunate sex-role stereotyping and stultifying gender conventions that plague our buttoned down society. But best you get that directly from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.
I have no way of knowing why your friend does what she does, but she belongs to a very long and venerable tradition of flying in the face of the popular culture. Sure she risks being cut off by you and ostracized by others. And that has to hurt on some level even for those way out on the fringe. Like all political theatrics she draws you into her world, albeit as an unwilling participant. Humiliating her slave in front of squeamish folks, like you, who don’t share her kink is asking for more than tolerance that’s for sure. One could make the case that her behavior is foolhardy and counterproductive. What’s for certain is she’s walking a fine line between performance art and alienation. In the end, Laurel, you may find that it is you who will need to set the boundaries.
And I don’t think this is simply a question of you being too up tight. But I fear that you are using a conventional mindset to try and decipher these very interesting goings on. That’s simply not gonna work. Like I said earlier, she’s being this public about what most people, including yourself, think should be private because she wants to make a statement. I suspect your conventional mindset doesn’t know what to make of consensual power-play, which is precisely what this is.
You point out that you would never humiliate your husband like this. No kidding? Of course you and hubby aren’t engaged in consensual power-play, are you? Because if you were, you’d understand your friend a whole lot better, even if you still disapproved of her public performances.
If you find your friend’s lifestyle so disturbing, you could simply ask her to chill the scene when you’re around. She may or may not comply. Another solution might be that you ask her for some alone time, just she and you, without her slave. Hell, even a slave get a day off from time to time. Again she may or may not comply. If no arrangement can be made, then perhaps it’s time to part ways. Hopefully you guys could do that with as little acrimony as possible. There’s no need to burn bridges over this. Who knows this might be a phase she’s going through…ya know trying to show everyone how edgy she is. In time she might very well find that the fringe is not all that comfortable and decide to keep her kink more to herself.
I’ve been dating this guy for over a year. He is the love of my life. I love him so much, but he treats me like shit. I met him on vacation in Florida. He’s 26 a stunning, 6’3” 200lbs, blond surfer Adonis. And excuse me for being so graphic; he has the biggest dick I’d ever seen. The first time we had sex I saw stars. He filled me up like no other person has.
When I got home we exchanged emails nearly every day and even had some hot phone sex a couple of times. He was down on his luck, because he lost his barista job for coming to work stoned too many times. I know I shouldn’t have, but I invited him to come live with me. I flew him up, but I told him that this wouldn’t be a free ride, he’d have to stop smoking so much dope and get a job and he agreed.
The sex was fantastic for the first couple of months, but once he established himself as a star at the gym he found his own friends and now I don’t see too much of him. He eats my food and drinks my liquor and drives my car. I pay for his cloths and gym membership. He has yet to find a job.
I know I should just end it, but I love him and I would really miss the sex. My friends ridicule me for thinking he loves me as much as I love him. They tell me they know he sees other guys. I’m so turned around I don’t know what to do.
Like my momma always used to say: if it’s got wheels or a dick, you know you’re gonna have problems with it. And I would add, if it’s got big wheels or a big dick you know you’re gonna have BIG problems with it.
Before we turn our attention to your no good boyfriend, let me make a few quick observations about you. You’re a freakin’ mess, girlfriend! I mean really, you’ve broken all the cardinal rules about dating a hustler. I know, I can hear you now…oh no dr dick, he’s not a hustler; he’s a good kid who’s just down on his luck and I’m just trying to help. Bullshit!
Ya see, that’s the first cardinal rule of dating a hustler is never lose sight of the fact that he’s a hustler and you’re his john. Don’t get me wrong; I have the deepest admiration for hustlers and their johns. It’s just that this arrangement only works if everyone is clear about the ground rules. And here are the ground rules — rich older gentleman connects with needy younger hunky stud for mutual benefit. Rich older gentleman keeps needy younger hunky stud in room and board, booze, cloths, car, gym membership and the like; and needy younger hunky stud buggers rich older gentleman senseless with his big blond surfer-boy dick. Get it? Got it? Good!
Second cardinal rule — what happens on vacation should stay on vacation. Vacation sex, as wonderful and delicious as it may be, does not transplant very well to your non-vacation life. You’re more likely to have success transplanting a delicate tropical orchid to your Milwaukee backyard than transplanting a vacation hustler fuck to your work-a-day world back home.
Third cardinal rule —don’t try to gloss a perfectly fine, fully functional and even an affectionate hustler/john relationship with talk of love. It’s unnecessary, unseemly and untrue. It’s lust, it’s limerence, it’s love sickness, whatever…it’s just not love. Because LOVE don’t ever make you feel as bad as you’re feelin’. Probably your friends would have less difficulty with your mooning over this guy if you were more honest about the nature of this relationship. They wouldn’t be rubbing your face in the evidence that surfer-boy is pluggin’ other dudes.
Fourth cardinal rule — a size queen, like you Jack, should admit that you are enamored with the guy hose and how it fills you up plain and simple. To pretend that you would string yourself out like this for a guy with tiny meat is just that — pretense. Listen, there’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ a size queen, it’s the dishonesty I object to.
How is this young fella ever supposed to respect you when you don’t respect for yourself? He probably had you pegged (no pun intended) back on the beach in the sunshine state. He knows you will tolerate his misbehavior, which of course gives him permission to do whatever he feels like doing whenever he feel like doing it. And now he don’t even have to give up the occasional mercy fuck any more, even though that was surely part of the deal at the get go, right?
So the waif has yet to find a job after a year, huh? Why is that not surprising? But even a hustler needs his mad money, besides what is doled out to him by his long-suffering john. I’d be willing to guess Mr. surfer dude is turning tricks to keep himself in weed and other essentials.
Thing is, this fellow probably would have treated you better if you would have just stuck to the hustler/john script. Ya see, kids like this need structure. He may have looked to you for this at one time, but when he realized that he had you cock-whipped, the teachable moment evaporated. This lad is probably like most other boys with big dicks. They learn early on that their cock gives them enormous power, because it is the object of desire for so many. He soon discovered that you were no different than all the other men (and some women) in his life — only interested in owning a piece of his sizeable endowment. And so he turned the tables on you. You can hardly fault the guy. You try to manipulate him with your money. He outwits you and manipulates you with his dick.
If you’re really serious about reining in the little monkey, you’d better come up with a clear, unambiguous message about what you will and will not tolerate. And it better be something more than “I expect you to bone my scrawny middle-aged ass on occasion.” Because, until you do, he will roam wherever and whenever he wants.
There are many root causes for his behavior, just like there are many root causes for your behavior. But since I’m talking to you, not him, I suggest that you get to the bottom of all of this by investing a good deal of time and energy with a competent sex-positive therapist. There’s one thing I can say for certain, if the status quo continues your resentment will boil over one day and there will be violence, the kind of violence that you may not think yourself capable of now. But violence there will be; you can bank on it!
Is there enough goodwill between the two of you to resolve this unfortunate situation amicably? Who knows! If I had to guess, I’d say there was a slim to no chance for that. If that’s the case, I advise you pack him up and put him on the next plane south. And no more relationships for you, particularly with unemployed young men with massive schlongs, till you get your head screwed on tighter.
Good Luck Ya’ll
No podcast today, Sex fans! It’s a holiday!
We’ll be back at it again come Wednesday.
This is Part 2 of our LELO reviews. Somehow missed Part 1? Not to worry; find it HERE!
Dr Dick Review Crew members — Denise and Hank & Glenn do the honors.
I have the pleasure of introducing you to IRIS, the beautifully designed and multifunctional silicone vibrating dildo, I mean insertable…I mean pleasure object. Sheesh! LELO is so freakin’ high-end that they’ve taken it upon themselves to euphemize their sex toys as pleasure objects. I say; “a rose by any other name…”
I’ve never been one to buy into the hype about sex toys, especially hype generated by a toy’s manufacturer about its own products. But somehow “pleasure object” fits in this case. LELO spares no expense in treating their customers like we’re someone special. I mean, everything from the stylish upscale (some would say overkill) packaging to the 1-year LELO warranty confidently states quality. Is there another toy on the market that comes with a warranty?
IRIS comes in three appealing girly colors, mine is pink. Judging just from the color palette this pleasure object is obviously part of LELO Femme line. They also have their Homme line that features guy toys in guy colors. I’m not so particular about color, but I’ll bet a man would be less inclined to buy an IRIS because of the color. And that’s too bad, because this toy could easily be enjoyed by either gender or everyone in between.
IRIS is also rechargeable, so a big hurray for that! A three-hour wall charge gives it up to five hours of power. Mmmm! And because it’s fully charged at the factory, you can start playing with the IRIS immediately. Extra points for that!
(By the way, I’m trying to be as responsible as I can with my motorized toys. Whenever possible I choose rechargeable. When that’s not and option I always use rechargeable batteries. To do less is a both expensive and decidedly un-GREEN.)
The insertable part of IRIS is made of firm high-grade silicone molded into a stylized (slightly curved) flower bud shape. Very appealing! I like a little texture to my dildos, so this is perfect for me. And get this; there two separate motors in this baby — one in the shaft and one in the tip. These can be controlled separately or together.
Despite the two motors, the level of vibration can’t compare to a couple of other vibes I own. That actually surprised me, because I was expecting the IRIS to jump out of my hand on the high speed. The sensations are pleasant enough, and I could easily distinguish between the vibrations produced in the shaft as opposed to those produced in the tip. Just don’t expect it to knock your socks off. The motors, however, are very quiet; a feature that is very important to me. I hate it when a vibe sounds like a lawnmower.
You’ll probably want to use lube with IRIS, because she’s thicker than a lot of toys. Be sure you use only a water-based lube on a beautiful silicone pleasure object like this. Using a silicone-based lube will destroy IRIS. Because of it’s length, the pleasure is deep as well as full.
The control button is lighted and it allows me to increase the intensity of vibrations as well as cycle through the five pulsation modes. However, the controls in the handle aren’t particularly easy to adjust with lubed fingers. This can be pretty frustrating.”
Full review HERE!
Next, Glenn & Hank show us BO
LELO BO $79.00
Glenn & Hank
Hank: “This is the fanciest cockring I ever did see!”
Glenn: “Pretty damned expensive too.”
Hank: “Yeah, but hardly the most expensive one I own. That honor goes to my Silver Tongue Cock Ring.”
Glenn: “Yeah, but that one doesn’t vibrate like BO does. And the BO is rechargeable; so you can’t beat that!”
Hank: “LELO calls BO a gentleman’s pleasure object. I call it a vibrating cockring. I mean, please!”
Glenn: “Ya got no class, Hank! I like the pleasure object concept; it’s so elegant.”
Hank: “You weren’t thinking about elegant the other day when I had my cock buried up to the hilt in your bung and the BO was shiverin’ your ass lips.”
Glenn: “True! I was thinking; ‘Oh sweet mystery of life at last I found you!’”
Hank: “You are such a freak!”
Glenn: “Well when it comes to my hole, you know I am.”
Hank: “Let’s get back to the review, shall we? BO actually has two parts — the ring itself and the vibrating attachment. The ring is made of a soft, flexible material. The small print on the LELO site says this material is Thermoplastic elastomers (TPE). Will this be an issue for someone who has an allergy to rubber or latex-based products? It beats the hell out of me.
The vibrating attachment is encased in a sturdy plastic material. Sliding the attachment onto the ring activates the vibe. There is no on/off switch.”
Glenn: “I thought that part was odd. Why there’s no on/off switch is like totally beyond me. Because it’s not so easy sliding the vibe attachment onto, or off of the ring. So once ya have the ring on your johnson, it’ll be thrilling the wearer till he takes it off.”
Hank: “I tried BO first in a little solo JO session. I was happy to discover that the relatively modestly sized ring stretched to fit my dick. Then I had Glenn give me some head while I was wearing BO. That was pretty mind blowing.”
Glenn: “My husband has got a really big one, ladies and gentleman! And I have no gag reflex!”
Full review HERE!