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Well then…

Name: Stanford
Gender: male
Age: 25
Location: Green Bay
I was wondering if you have any suggestions for a homemade dildo?

Do you actually want to craft a dildo yourself? Or is this more a question about what might be readily available to safely bugger yourself with?

If you want to make one yourself, there are several “Make-your-own-dildo” kits out there. You can find them online. They supply you with everything you need to make a latex dildo cast of your own dong. And from that the dildo is made. How fun! But wait, what if you are princess tiny-meat? Cloning your you own willie will satisfy no one, no how. Unless you know someone with a more ample endowment that will lend you his hog for the mold, this is probably not the way for you to go.

A trip to the supermarket might be your next best bet. People have been stuffing fruits and vegetables in every possible orifice for as long as there have been fruits and vegetables…and orifices to stuff. Bananas, zucchini, corn cobs, cucumbers, and well the list goes on and on. One word of caution, make sure that whatever you’re poppin’ in your pooper is long enough that you can keep hold of it while you are workin’ your magic. You definitely don’t want it to let whatever slip past your sphincter and lodge itself inside your rectum. There’s nothing more embarrassing than a trip to the emergency room to have someone fish whatever you got in there out of you bum.

If you’re the least bit competent as a woodworker you could fashion something pleasurable from a hardwood, like maple or oak. The do-it-yourself craftsman will be able to make the exact size he needs and wants. He’ll take pride in sanding, buffing and curing his creation with olive oil before use.

No woodturning tools? Not to worry. A trip to the local Homo Depot may be the answer. Look for wooden dowels. They come in many widths and lengths. Since doweling is often made of a softer wood, the dildo craftsman will be able to round off the top of the dowel using a rasp with relative ease. But because the wood is soft, he’ll have to seal his creation in a smooth varathane or polyurethane finish. Never, ever insert uncured or unfinished wood. Besides the danger of splinters, untreated wood is very porous and you’ll never get the damned thing clean after the first use.

Another word of caution; some people are allergic to various materials or polishes. So test all materials first.

Here’s a dildo-making project just about anyone can do. Make your own beanie baby dildo. You will need several latex condoms, water based lube and whole dried beans or peas. Take a condom fill it with the dried beans and/or peas and tie off the end. Coat the condom with lube and slip it into another condom and tie that one off too. If you want to be super-safe, add a third condom. The beauty part of using dried peas or beans is that, should the condoms break while you’re pleasuring yourself and you lose some of the contents in your love cave, you’ll be able to eliminate them with ease with your next bowel movement. And there’s nothing toxic in dried beans!

But what if you want something more stiff? Building a dildo out of modeling clay might be the answer. You can find this material at your local crafts store. You can be very creative with the shape and size. You’ll also be able to flare the end of the thing so there won’t be a worry of it getting past your sphincter. Before the clay dries, consider pressing dried beans into the shaft for some added texture. Once your new phallus is completely dry you can finish it with a polyurethane seal. However, I encourage you to use a condom over your newly created cock substitute. Even with a sealed dildo like this one.

Name: Heidi & Werner
Gender: couple
Age: 32 & 34
Location: Arizona
My husband and I have been married for 12 years, we love each other very much. About five years into our marriage, while on a retreat for couples, we discovered we are both bisexual. As a consequence we gave each other permission to explore our same-sex interests. For the most part this has worked out really well. At this point in our marriage, however, we’d like to move beyond the casual semi-furtive affairs we’ve been having and embrace polyamory. Problem is we don’t know any other people who are living in successful polyamorous relationships. Is polyamory a viable option even for a few lucky souls?

Congratulations on living a successful marriage, especially since you guys are taking such a non-traditional approach. That can’t be easy. I wish there was a way the two you could bottle whatever it is that you apparently have in spades that allows you to make such an honest assessment of yourselves and your marriage. You must be remarkable people. I’m so glad that you took the time to write.

As a matter of fact, I know a bunch of very successful, long-lasting polyamorous relationships. Most are comprised of people already on the sexual fringe — queer folk, currant and former swingers and kinksters. However, they all tend to keep the dimensions of their relationships relatively private. It takes a lot of psychic energy to live polyamorously, exponentially more than in a traditional marriage. This tends to leave less psychic energy for flying in the face of the popular culture. Of course the down side of this is there are, as you suggest, few good public role models for polyamory.

Connecting with other like-minded people is less of a challenge these days than in years past thanks to the marvels of the internets, don’t cha know. And being bisexuals, as you are, my make things even easier. I suppose you know this already, but for those in my audience who don’t, polyamory is not the same thing as swinging. Swinging is more about recreational or sport sex; partners having consensual casual sex with others, either other couples or individuals. Swinging is also generally a heterosexual phenomenon. Female bisexual behavior is allowed and even encouraged. The same cannot be said about male bisexual behavior. This seems like an unfortunate double standard to me, but in this respect swinging reflects traditional sexual mores.

Polyamory, on the other hand, connotes more of an emotional bond, a relationship that exceeds pure sport fucking. But not surprisingly many polyamorous relationships evolve from more casual swinger connections. So let’s not knock that.

If you both are seriously into polyamory you’ll have an easier time of it too. The downfall of many budding polyamorists has to do with the reservations one or another in the couple may have about the lifestyle. The one with reservations may play along for a while thinking that this new venture will grow on him/her, but it doesn’t. Some folks are monogamous and it’s breed in the bone. Others are non-monogamous, equally breed in the bone. Trying to convert one or the other to an alternative way of thinking is simply not gonna happen.

The big bugaboo in any type of relationship will be jealousy. You guys seem to have avoided that poison, and again congratulations. The couples retreat you mentioned my have provided you the communication tools you needed to open yourselves to one another in an honest and forthright way. These communication skills will be particularly useful in forming polyamorous relationships too. Whatever the configuration of your future relationships, all parties must allow for and invite an honest and open exchange about passions, desires and needs. And from time to time each individual in the polyamorous relationship will prioritize these things differently. Expect lots of diversity. For more about this see my friend, polyamorous proDOM, Mistress Matisse’s column HERE!

There’s no “one way” to be polyamorous. Some people express their polyamory by having one primary partnership with one or more satellite relationships. They prefer monogamy with one partner but have an open relationship with others. Some polyamorists live in triads or loosely structured groups. Some people express their polyamory by having all partners and lovers as part of an extended family— raising kids together and taking care of elders together. Strong polyamorous relationships carried a number of my closest friends through the worst of the AIDS crisis in the mid 80’s. While you guys seem pretty clear on what you want for yourselves, you may want to be on the lookout for potential partners with incompatible passions needs and desires.

As we all know, a big part of effective communication in a relationship is exploring and expressing feelings. Another part, one that is often overlooked, is the art of negotiation. How do partners and lovers negotiate for what they need and want? “I want to try something new with someone new.” “My lover and I need some private time.” Mature people are flexible, but they also have healthy boundaries. Giving your partner the freedom to share him/herself intimately with others as he/she desires is easier when it is based on the guidelines that you and your partner agree to first. Of course these will need to be readjusted from time to time as new situations evolve.

A secret to successful polyamory is working to maintain a strong primary partnership, in your case, with each other. The more comfortable and secure you guys are with one another, the easier it will be for you to free one another up for others. When the primary relationship is healthy and safe, the polyamorous relationship will add to the support structure, not diminishes it.

Interestingly enough, not all polyamorous relationships are sexual in nature. For example, one person in the group relationship may have a sexual connection with another, while that person enjoys a platonic relationship with that someone else.

One thing for certain, you guys will have to decide what sort of people will be positive additions to your lives. And that will entail a good deal of trial and error. Like my daddy always used to say, “ya gotta walk through a lot of manure before you find the pony.” Remember not everyone who aspires to polyamory is capable of it, nor is everyone one who is capable of being polyamorous suited to be with everyone else who is.

For more about this timely topic I refer you to the two podcasts I did with the insanely marvelous Cunning Minx of PolyWeekly. Look for them HERE and HERE!

Good luck ya’ll

Jeremy Edwards does Dr Dick!

Hey sex fans,

Get a load of this! The delightfully entertaining master of erotica, Jeremy Edwards, talks trash with Dr Dick on his site — HERE. (I guess this is his way of getting back at me for all the nice things I’ve done for him. Like I always say, no good deed goes unpunished.)

All kidding aside, it’s an honor to be in such exalted company once again.Jeremy was my second guest in The Erotic Mind podcast series, don’t cha know. And that was two and a half years ago, if you can believe that. Since then, he’s gone on to become an even bigger and fatter success in the world of erotica. He’s newly published erotic novel, Rock My Socks Off, is receiving critical acclaim. And I feel smarter just knowing him.

Be sure to visit Jeremy and check out the Dr Dick dish.

Go Back To Bed

Hey Sex Fans!

A couple of totally hot Seattle friends, Sex Kitty and Miss September, are launching a new online sex emporium called — Go Back To Bed.  How fun is that?  They asked me to give ‘em a plug here on my site.  And you know there’s nothing I like better than pluggin some bodacious sex entrepreneurs, right?  So consider yourself plugged, girlfriends!

Oh, and for all my local readers; Sex Kitty and Miss September, invite us to a join them for a Launch Party this Saturday night, 02/06/10.  They promise to ply us with decadent desserts, luscious libations, fantastic giveaways and the always anticipated, gift bags.

And get this; our old friend, Monk, founder of Twisted Monk will be the evening’s very special guest.  He will be performing his signature erotic rope bondage that will make us all cheer and touch ourselves impurely.

DON’T MISS THIS, SEX FANS.

For Par-tay location and RSVP info

visit their blog HERE.

IN THE MOOD

Hey Sex Fans!

We came dangerously close to having a fantastic Sex EDGE-U-cation podcast for ya today.  Unfortunately, my scheduled guest had technical difficulties and we had to put off the interview till next week.  Such is life!

In lieu of a podcast, we have some swell Q&A.

Name: Brian
Gender:
Age: 40
Location: Canada
After a guy ejaculates can he have another ejaculation? Like after I cum if I put on a cock ring will it stay hard enough to continue with intercourse and achieve another orgasm? I basically want to cum twice in a row.

Yep, that’s doable.  All depends on your particular refractory period and how turned on you are.  Let’s take a quick look at the male sexual response cycle again, just so we understand what we’re talkin’ about.  Ok?

The sexual response cycle refers to the sequence of physiological changes that occur as we become sexually aroused and move through to afterglow. The sexual response cycle has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Both women and men experience these phases of course, although the timing usually is very different for each gender.  In addition, the intensity of the response and the time spent in each phase will vary from person to person and from situation to situation. That’s why I say cuming twice in a row is doable.  But is it gonna happen for you?  I guess we’ll just have to wait and see, huh?

Ok, Phase 1: Excitement (or the boner stage)

  1. Muscle tension increases.
  2. Heart rate quickens and breathing accelerates.
  3. Our skin may become flushed particularly on our chest and back).
  4. Our nipples may become erect.
  5. Blood flow to the genitals increases, thus the boner.
  6. Our balls swell, our sack tightens, and we may drip precum.  Mmmm, precum!

Phase 2: Plateau (or the strokin’ or pumpin’ stage)

  1. Everything in phase 1 intensifies.
  2. Our balls may pull up into body cavity.
  3. Our breathing, heart rate and blood pressure increase.
  4. Our toes curl, face contorts and hands clench.

Phase 3: Orgasm (or the “yabba dabba doo” stage)

  1. Involuntary muscle contractions begin.
  2. Blood pressure, heart rate and breathing excelerate.
  3. There’s a rapid intake of oxygen.
  4. Muscles in the feet spasm.
  5. There is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension.
  6. Rhythmic contractions of the muscles at the base of our cock result in the ejaculation of spunk.
  7. A “sex flush” may appear all over our body.

Phase 4: Resolution (or the “I need a nappy” stage)

  1. During this phase, the body slowly returns to its normal level of functioning, and the parts of your body that swelled and engorged return to their previous size and color.
  2. This phase is marked by a general sense of well-being, enhanced intimacy and, often, fatigue.
  3. Most women are capable of a rapid return to the orgasm phase with further sexual stimulation and may experience multiple orgasms.

Men, on the other hand need recovery time after orgasm, this period is called the refractory period.  This doesn’t have to be the end of sex.  Like you suggest, a cockring may prevent your dick from going soft.  But don’t count on an immediate second ejaculation, even if your dick stays hard. Don’t forget, the duration of the refractory period varies and is situational.  It will also increase as we age.

Name: Ivan
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Location: Spain
I am considering the social usage of Viagra or Cialis to improve sexual performance. Which of the two would you recommend for recreational usage?

I don’t recommend recreational use of prescription drugs, particularly these vascular dilators.  And certainly not when used in conjunction with other non-prescription drugs.  Maybe you ought consider a low-tech solution like a cockring instead.

I hasten to add that I’m not averse to using some drugs recreationally.  But I think that we’d do well to stick to those that are more natural.  The less processing involved and fewer added chemicals the better, in my humble opinion.

Did you know that health officials in the UK and here in the US are investigating reports of blindness among men using Viagra and Cialis?  Why risk that if ya don’t have to.

I’m really concerned with the alarming rise in recreational use of these drugs by younger men, men in their 20’s and 30’s.  And like I said, this is even more troubling when they combine these drugs with ecstasy, cocaine, or crystal meth.  If your young body is having difficulty producing an erection at this tender age, then you need medical attention ASAP.

Besides the risk of blindness, there are several other reasons why you ought not abuse Viagra or a similar drug just so you can have wood that lasts for hours.  Your body will habituate itself to the substance and, in time, you won’t be able to get it up at all without ever increasing doses of these drugs.  This will surely fuck up your cardiovascular system big time.  In fact, you may very well be inducing the very sexual dysfunction the drug is supposed to help.

Consider the person who overuses eye drops or lip balm or any other otherwise innocuous over the counter health and beauty products.  Their bodies stop making the natural substances that these products are intended to assist.  It’s counterproductive and it’s ill advised.  And if this is a problem with relatively harmless over the counter products, you know you are playing with fire when you abuse powerful prescription meds.

Name: Yuri
Gender: male
Age: 20
Location: Russia
I want to make love kisses on my girlfriend’s vagina.  But I never did this.  What can I do?

Love kisses on her vagina, huh? You Russians are so romantique!

I think you are talkin about some good old fashioned cunnilingus, right?  Or as we say here in the US or A — eatin’ out at the Y, munchin’ carpet, muff divin’, pussy lappin’ and what have you.

If your girlfriend is as unfamiliar with gettin’ love kisses on her vagina as you are at givin’ them, you might want to give her a head’s up on what you plan to do.  Ya see some of our women folk are none too keen on the idea.  They have it in their head that their pussy is icky and not for oral consumption.  This is very unfortunate, but it is what it is.  If you think you’re gonna get a lot of resistance from your lady friend, you might start kissing her on the face and neck, then to the tops of her tits, her nipples, and her belly.  This will give her an idea where you’re headin’.  If you’re doin’ this right, hopefully she’ll be so busy enjoying herself she’ll not protest your trip south.

Proceed slowly. Make sure you’re you’re both comfortable. If you’re lying down, you best be on your stomach between her legs so that your string of kisses is as effortless as possible. Have a pillow ready to shove under her hips to raise her a bit if she’s willing to proceed.  If, by the time you get to her pussy, she doesn’t try to stop you, you’re home free.  Basically she is giving you tacit permission to proceed.  Of course you could check in with her and ask if you can continue.  But sometimes, in delicate situations like this, you may be better off keeping the conversation to a minimum.  She might be fine with it if she doesn’t actually have to agree to it.  Women are like that sometimes.

Try scooting her butt to the side of the bed while you kneel on the floor between her legs. This will give you all the access you’ll need.  And hey, don’t go divin’ right in there, for heaven’s sakes.  Take a moment to two to admire the beautiful spectacle before you.  Lordy, lordy ain’t that a sight for sore eyes.

Gently nuzzle, kiss, and lick her inner thighs and the area around her vulva.  With a little luck your gal-pal will be so aroused she’ll begin to guide your head into her snatch.  Lick her outer lips. Run your tongue up and down them. Nibble them gently with your lips. Next, work your tongue in between the outer lips to caress her smaller, thinner inner lips.  Circle her vaginal opening and perhaps dart your tongue inside her cunt.

I hope you know your way around a woman’s genitals, because If you don’t you’ll be bumbling around down there to no great effect.  And, while you may get an “A” for effort, you might very well wreck the moment by being too aggressive on her more sensitive parts.  Her clit is her magic button.  If you don’t know a clit from a hole in your head, do some research before you head south.

Approach her clit very slowly and gently.  Some women enjoy a tongue lashing directly on her clit. Others find direct contact too intense, even uncomfortable. Now is a good time to check in with her.  Ask for direction on how she wants you to proceed.  She may prefer you to circle her clit with your tongue, avoiding direct contact.

If your gal is unfamiliar with this kind of pleasure, she may not  kow to direct you.  If that’s the case, you’re gonna have to ask direct questions like:  Do you want it lighter? Or would you like more pressure? More of this?  Not so much of that?  Soon you will be able to tell on your own by observing her pelvic movements and listening to her moan if you’re doing a good job.  Sometimes the best communication is non-verbal.

While you’re down there, why not employ a couple fingers to spread things apart?  Add a little massage.  Use the tip of your tongue, then the flat of your tongue, then your lips as you move around her vulva.  All three feel a little different and each provide subtly different sensations.  Some chicks love pussy raspberries, you know…

Come up for air from time to time.  Look into here eyes, caress and massage her boobs.  Try slipping a finger or two into her mouth so she can suck them while you’re licking her. Or move into a 69 position and enjoy a little blowjob with you’re eating her out.

You may want to incorporate some ass play too.  Insert a lubed finger into her butt hole.  Just make sure that whatever goes in her ass doesn’t then come in contact with her cunt.  You definitely don’t want to introduce bacteria that can cause a urinary infection.

Good luck ya’ll

The trouble with DOMs

My podcasts will return next week.  Till then enjoy…

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