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A Whole Lot Of Wonderful!

Hey sex fans,

One of the real treasures of the Pacific Northwest is the marvelous Center for Sex Positive Culture right here in the Emerald City. The Center and its parent foundation offer events like workshops and discussion groups that are open to anyone 18+. You don’t need to be a member of the Center to attend. And many events are free! Visit them on their website HERE!

So ya know how they say that good things come in threes? Well this is particularly true this month. And I am proud to bring you a little taste of what’s in store for you and me at The Center. Check out this outstanding lineup of upcoming events.

The Feminine Fountain: Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot

This coming Friday, October 22, 2010
8:00 PM to 10:00 PM
Annex
$35 (members receive $10 voucher for the WERK lounge that night)

Join female ejaculation expert and author, Deborah Sundahl, for this amazing workshop. She is a female ejaculation pioneer. Her book, Female Ejaculation and the G-spot, and her video line titled: The Female Ejaculation Sex Education Series, draw on her 22 years experience, research, and instruction on this important topic of female sexuality. Come benefit from her wisdom.

Learn about female ejaculation’s ancient history, current scientific studies, where the G-spot is located, how to have a G-spot orgasm, and how to get this wonderful feminine fountain flowing! Open to both men and women, Deborah’s Power Point lecture with pictures, movie clips and Q&A will tell you all you need to know about female ejaculation and the G-spot.

For more information on this event, click HERE!

An Intimate Evening with Author Christopher Ryan

Sunday, October 24
6:00 PM to 8:00 PM
Main Space
$10-25 sliding scale (no one will be turned away)

Co-author of Sex at Dawn, Christopher Ryan, will make a special appearance at The Center to talk about sex and nonmonogamy, and sex and hunters and gathers, and sex and penises, and sex and orgasms, and well sex, sex and more sex. Sex at Dawn is the book everyone is talking about; it’s the book that is turning sexual scholarship on its head.

I’ll be there, so look for me and say hi.

Be sure to bring your copy of Sex at Dawn for Christopher to sign. Don’t have a copy yet? Not to worry; The Center will have books for sale.

For more information on this event, click HERE!

Kinky Carnival Returns

October 29, 2010
7pm until midnight
$25 advance/$30 door/$100 Gold VIP

Ya wanna start your Halloween weekend off with a bang? I thought so! Well I have just the thing for you. The sixth annual Kinky Carnival is heading your way.

Imagine an event where you can sample a load of delightfully edgy sex stuff. The Kinky Carnival is designed for those who are new to sex-positivity and BDSM. It offers a way for you to realize your fantasies at an easy pace and in a safe space. The Carnival will feature the “Ask” booth, where attendees are invited to ask questions about the activities they see. Other booths include “Zap”, “Pierce”, “Submit”, “Sensation”, “Flog”, “Rub”, “Mmm”, and “Ground”.

If you’re a budding pervert, or you’d like to be, or know someone who is, this evening is made for you. Costumes are welcomed, but not required.

For more information on this event, click HERE! For tickets, click HERE!

VAROOM!

Caution:  Amazing Sensations Ahead!

That’s right, sex fans, we have ourselves 4 fantastic and unique vibrators for review this week.  And the Dr Dick Review Crew proclaims each one a winner.  That’s amazing; when was the last time we could say that?

Ok, let’s get the ball rolling.  We’ll be hearing from Review Crew members — Jack, Denise, Jada and yours truly, Dr Dick.

We begin today with a delightful prostate vibe, which comes to us from our friends (and neighbors in BC Canada) at Trinity RomanceJack spills the beans.

Element ——  $64.99

Jack:
Since I’ve started to show an interest in my ass as a reservoir of amazing sexual pleasure, I’ve become increasingly focused on finding just the right toy for my butt play.  My partner, Karen, has loads of vibrating massagers, but none of them really interest me as an insertable.  They are fine for external stimulation, but I’ve been on the lookout for something I can call my own and that I can safely stuff in my ass.

Because I’m so new to this sort of play, I have some very specific requirements for the toy of my prostate-massaging dreams.  It has to be modestly sized, manly looking, something more plug-like then just a dildo and it has to vibrate.  Is that too much to ask?

So along comes the opportunity to test drive Element, a prostate massager from one of the most The Elementtrusted names in sex toys, Tantus.  Curiously enough, I’ve seen pictures of this toy online.  And ya know what, I passed it up thinking it couldn’t possibly be the toy I was looking for.  For some reason, the photos I’ve seen of it make it look more menacing than it is.  Once I had it in my hands, however, I realized this might very well be what I’ve been searching for.

It’s not nearly as big as I imagined it would be from the pictures I saw.  It’s 100% silicone, which makes it soft and pliable.  It’s got a manly enough shape; it’s more of a plug, then it is a dildo.  And it sure enough vibrates.  So check, check, check and check!

Karen said she thought Element would be as an effective G-spot vibe as it is a P-spot vibe.  I suppose she’s right.  But for now, this baby is all mine.

I greased up Element and my near-virginal pucker with a wad of water-based lube.  (That’s the only kind of lube you can use with this, or any, silicone toy.  But you know that already, huh?)  I gingerly slipped the bulbous head into my ass.  Pretty easy going!  I stop to take some deep breaths, because Element is already working its magic.  The shaft is easy to insert too.  I’m kinda surprised.  Not that it’s particularly thick; it’s just that it’s easy. Element comes to rest with the base tight against my cheeks.  I’m lovin this big time, and I have yet to activate the vibe.

I wait a moment to let my hole adjust to its new friend.  Then I switch on the bullet vibe that is embedded in the toy’s base.  Wow, that’s nice!  It’s  not overpowering or anything, just a nice buzz.  My prostate is jumpin’ for joy though.  My dick is rock hard and drizzlin’ precum like crazy.  I jack myself to nearly cuming then let go of my cock.  I love this edge play; I can do this for a half hour easy. Element is amazingly comfortable in my ass.  I would have never guessed had I not tried it myself.

I finally pop my joy-juice all over my chest.  There’s more spunk then I usually produce.  I’m chalking that up to the prostate massage.  I love my Element!

If you’re a novice ass-diddler like me, and you think, like I thought, that this couldn’t be the ass toy you’ve been looking for; think again.  It’s only 4.5″ x 1″ for chrissake.  The bullet vibe runs on 3 watch batteries (LR44’s) and the first set is included in the package.  THANK YOU Tantus!
FULL REVIEW HERE

Up next; yet another Big Teaze treasure!  Jada will introduce you to this beauty.  Did you somehow miss our earlier reviews?  Look for them HERE!

Onyé —— $55.00

Jada:
I’m delighted to have this beautiful vibe to share with you. It’s one of the Big Teaze elegant B-3 line called, Onyé! I don’t know how to pronounce that, nor do I know what the word means. But they could have called it anything and it would still be the very stylish discreet vibe it is.419W+DHfGaL._SS500_

Onyé has eight separate massage modes (3 speeds and 5 pulse patterns). This little powerhouse is packed into a 4.5″ x 1.25” bullet made of gleaming black virgin ABS with a tasteful silicone band. The non-slip grip silicone band is perfect for keeping lubed fingers from slipping. All of this comes in sophisticated packaging including a satin-lined storage and brochure. You can tell that a lot of thought went into this presentation.

It’s splash proof, not waterproof. I wouldn’t use it in the bath, but it was fine in the shower.

The battery compartment is easy to open; thank you very much! It runs on 3-AAA batteries (not included in the package). Figuring out how the batteries are to be placed in the compartment was a bit of a puzzle till I noticed the tiny-tiny diagrams on the side of the compartment. I really needed my reading glasses for that.

There is just the one button operation on the base of the vibe, which means you have to cycle through all of the modes to locate the sensation best suited to your mood, or to turn it off. That might be aggravating to some, but it wasn’t an issue for me necessarily.
FULL REVIEW HERE

Now we have two vibes from a top of the line toy manufacturer, Vibratex.  They  are industry pioneers who bring a distinctive Japanese aesthetic to the marketplace.  Denise starts us off with a cordless waterproof vibe.

Vibratex Mystic Wand —— $71.32

Denise
I keep saying; my Hitachi Magic Wand is my all time favorite toy! I ain’t about to give it up for nobody. You’ll have to pry it out of my cold dead hands. Got it? OK!

That being said, I have just discovered what I believe is the next best thing to my beloved Magic Wand. I present you with the Mystic Wand. It is the petite, cordless, waterproof sibling of the Magic Wand. And it shakes my word just like its bigger, older sister. It makes a perfect bath companion or a travel companion. It even comes with a sweet little storage bag.Sex_Toys_VMYST

It should come as no surprise to any of us that Vibratex is also responsible for introducing the Hitachi Magic Wand to the American market over twenty years ago. So hurray for that!

Mystic Wand uses of 4-AA batteries (not included in the package). The battery compartment is easy to open, but battery placement is very difficult to figure out. Only after I struggled with this puzzle for like 10 minutes, did I notice that there are minuscule images on the compartment that direct the user to the proper battery placement.

Like my trusty Magic Wand, this sweetheart of a vibe delivers amazing external stimulation. I’m not all that found of insertable vibes, so Mystic Wand is perfect for me. I love the ridges on its bulbous silicone head. A little water-based lube to get things started and before you can say; “whoa nelly!’ I’m on my way to big O-town.

The Mystic Wand features six vibe modes, each one more delicious then the previous one. And here’s something I really like; it has a separate on/off switch. I hate having to cycle through a whole set of functions just to turn the blasted thing off. Oh, and it’s surprisingly quiet; another big plus in my book.

The handle or base of the Mystic Wand is soft and silky. Is that silicone too? I wonder. Whatever it is, it is ideal material to use on the handle. It helps maintain a grip even with lubed fingers.
FULL REVIEW HERE

Finally, yours truly presents the other Vibratex vibe.

Pandora Vibrating Silicone Prostate Massager  ——  $39.00

Dr Dick
I’d like to introduce you to a handy little vibrating plug that’ll surely put a smile on your face.  This unisex toy will jazz up whatever spot you got — G-spot or P-spot.  Since I’m a proud owner of a P-Spot (prostate), I’ll do my testifyin’ from that particular pew.  I’ll let all you G-spot owners come to your own conclusions.

This here Pandora massager is the perfect utensil for the novice butt pirate.  Not overly familiar with things pokin’ you in the be-hind?  Not to worry, this smooth ergonomic slim-jim will enter with ease.  Guys who are used to having big toys in their hole will probably be unimpressed with this beginner’s model, but the rest of us will appreciate its modest size.C554

But hold on there, maybe you don’t know a butt plug from a hole in your head.  Okey dokey, here’s the 411 on these puppies.  Plugs are different from most dildos and other anal toys.  They’re shorter and have a unique shape.  The insertable part is tapered, designed for easy insertion and comfort while you got it in ya.

The plug tapers more dramatically near the base into a notch.  This allows your sphincter muscle to close down on the plug keeping it firmly in place.  Finally the flared base keeps it from slipping inside your bum.  Pretty gal-darn clever, huh?

Anyhow, Pandora has everything you’d expect in a plug.  Plus it has this swell hooked end that is designed to hit the spot, if ya catch my drift.  And there’s a bonus; it vibrates too.  Not all butt plugs do, ya know.  There are seven, count them, seven different speeds and pulsations, which makes that little soft hooked end thingy do a happy dance on your P-spot.  And boy if that don’t make you see the light, nothin’ will.
FULL REVIEW HERE

ENJOY

What’s Goin’ On?

Name: Daniel
Gender: male
Age:
Location:
Hey I got a quick question for you.
Every time i have intercourse, a spot of skin on my penis, where my circumcision scar is, gets red and tender. it does not heal for a few days, and even when it looks like its gone, it comes back. It’s almost like that part of me is just missing layers of skin. My girlfriend and i use plenty of lube. Do you know anything i could do/ put on it to make the skin heal, or strengthen? I’m too embarrassed to make a doctor’s appointment,penile_candidiasis.jpg because my aunt is the receptionist.
Thanks, Daniel

The raw spots and/or rashes you have on your dick could be attributed to any number of things. It could be an allergic reaction to a condom, lube or even the laundry detergent you use to clean your undies. You do wear kickers, don’t you? If you’re all like commando style, then the wear and tear of that could effect your unit too.

It could be a yeast infection given to you by your partner who doesn’t know she has one herself. Penile candidiasis most often affects men with diabetes, uncircumcised men, or men whose female sex partners have vaginal candidiasis. Usually the infection produces a red, raw, sometimes painful rash on or near a guy’s dickhead, or sometimes on his balls.

psoriasis.jpgIt could also be psoriasis. Rubbing or friction, like through fucking, are likely to develop lesions, like the one you describe.

Since there are a several plausible explanations of what is causing this mysterious raw spot, I must encourage both you and your GF to get checked out by a physician ASAP. There’s no shame in this. If you don’t want to see your regular GP, maybe you guys should consider a free, or drop-in clinic near you.

To leave this undiagnosed and untreated because you’re embarrassed is just plain irresponsible.

Name: Dave
Gender: male
Age:
Location:
Does male nipple play excite all guys? Is there something wrong if it doesn’t? THANKS Dave

Nipples of either the male or female variety are potential erogenous zones. The operative word innipple_clamps.jpg that sentence is “potential”. Not everyone has yet awakened his/her nipples to the delicious positive sex charge they can (and do) have. Some folks don’t know about the connection between their nipples and their cock (or pussy for that matter), because they’ve not yet taken the time to put 2 and 2 together, don’t cha know.

What’s a person to do? Simple! Spend some time wakin’ up them babies. This is where full-body masturbation comes in handy. While you’re pullin your pud (or jillin’ off); move the building sexual energy from your groin to other parts of your body — nipples, feet, asshole, you name it.

If your nipples aren’t particularly sensitive to start with, you may need a bit more stimulation than merely lightly stroking ‘em. Some guys (and gals) find that the more erect their nips become, the more sensitive they are. No great mystery there, is suppose. To this end, some men (and women) employ some means of nipple enlargement. This might be done through clamps or suction. See Bully Nipple Clamps (C739), or a simple Snake Bite Kit (A300).

a300.jpgOnce you got some nice nipple erections goin’ try stroin’, squeezin’ lickin’, suckin’ or even nibblin’ and bitin’ ‘em. Be sure to pay attention to the whole chest (breast) area, not just the nips.

If you’re workin’ on yourself, you will be getting immediate feedback on how it’s goin’. If you’re workin’ on someone else, or someone else is workin’ your nips — start out nice and gentle like. Either you or your partner can ramp things up depending on the feedback you’re givin’ or gettin’.

I always think adding different sensations like heat (candle wax) or cold (ice cubes) is a way to make things more interesting. In other words, use your imagination. That’s why you have that block of whatever perched up on your shoulders.

Name: Kate
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Location: canada
Lately I’ve been noticing I am attracted to both males and females. So I don’t know if I am a lesbian or not? Is that normal?

Perhaps you are unclear on the concept. If you’re attracted to both women and men, you could hardly be a lesbian, right? I mean think it through, darlin’! A lesbian, by definition, is a woman who is ONLY sexually interested in other woman. Apparently, that rules you out…unless you are fooling yourself (and us) about being attracted to men.

You are more likely bisexual — a rather common phenomenon in them female folk, don’t cha know!kinsey_scale.jpg

All human sexuality is on a continuum. Probably it’s time to haul out my Handy Dandy Kinsey Scale for all of us to have a look-see.

Wait, are you familiar with the Kinsey Scale, right? The dean of American sex research, Alfred Kinsey, and his associates developed this 0 to 6 scale as a way of classifying a person’s sexuality in terms of both behavior and fantasy.

This is what they developed.
0- Exclusively heterosexual with no same-sex behavior or fantasy.
1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual — most likely in fantasy only.
2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual — fantasy for sure and possibly behavior too.
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual in both behavior and fantasy.
4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual — fantasy for sure and possibly behavior too.
5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual — most likely in fantasy only.
6- Exclusively homosexual with no other-sex behavior or fantasy.

These pioneering sexologists also discovered that an individual could occupy a different position on this scale, at different periods in his/her life. It’s conceivable that one could go from Kinsey 0 to 6 in a lifetime, or just a afternoon at the Lilith Fair, if ya know what I’m gettin at. This seven-point scale comes close to showing the many gradations that actually exist in human sexual expression. Amazing, huh?

Name: Augustt
Gender: Male
Age: 52
Location: San Francisco
I have been clean from meth for just over 6 years but was a hard-core user (injecting) from 1995 until March of 2002. Since then I have no sex drive and low self-confidence since my usage brought me to having Tardive Dyskinesia. What can I do to bring back my sex drive?

Yep, seven years of slammin’ crystal will seriously fuck ya up, no doubt about it. I heartily commend you on gettin’ and stayin’ clean. CONGRATULATIONS! I know for certain that ain’t easy.

You are right to say that the residual effects of years of meth use can devastate a person’s sexual response cycle. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons people take as long as they do to rid themselves of this poison. While they are using, they are dulled to the effects meth is having on their sexual expression.

Before we go any further, we’d better define Tardive dyskinesia for our audience. It is a condition characterized by repetitive, involuntary, movements. It’s like having a tic, but much worse. It canmassage001.jpg include grimacing, rapid eye blinking, uncontrollable arm and leg movements, etc. In other words, people with this condition have difficulty staying still. These symptoms may also induce a pronounced psychological anxiety that can be worse than the jerky movements.

That being said, there is hope for you, Augustt. Regaining a sense of sexual-self post addiction is an arduous, but rewarding task. With your self-confidence in the toilet and zero libido, I suggest that you connect with others in recovery first. They will probably be a whole lot more sympathetic to your travail than non-addicts.

a16606_xlf.jpgTry connecting with people on a sensual level as opposed to a sexual level. I am a firm believer in massage and bodywork for this. If needs be, take a class or workshop in massage. Look for the Body Electric School Of Massage nearest you. They have load of training options. There are also good massage videos online. Check out Dr Dick’s How To Video Library.

You will be impressed with the good you’ll be able to do for others as well as yourself. Therapeutic touch — and in my book that also includes sensual touch — soothes so much more than the jangled nerves ravaged by drug and alcohol abuse. It gives the one doing the touch a renewed sense of him/herself a pleasure giver. The person receiving the touch will begin to reawaken sensory perceptions once thought lost. And a libido can bloom again.

I encourage you to push beyond the isolation I know you are feeling. Purposeful touching, like massage and bodywork will also, in time help take the edge off your Tardive dyskinesia. I know this can happen. I’ve seen it happen. Augustt, now you make it happen!

Name: Shaon
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location:
I am a 20 year old male and recently on a forum I post on someone was talking about how they had to get a circumcision as an adult because they had a condition called Phimosis. Up until a couple of days ago I thought that everything was completely normal down there, I have been able to masturbate normally for as long as I’ve been doing it. I’ve been doing a lot of reading on the internet about the condition and I think I might have it but I’m not really sure and I can’t bring myself to go to a doctor about it. I don’t have any picture now but I can take some and I’m wondering if you would be able to tell me if I have Phimosis simlpy by looking at pictures. Thanks for your help.uncut2.jpg

So you’re reading around on the internet…that’s a good thing. What’s not so good is that your casual reading around has brought you to the conclusion that you have a medical condition called phimosis. Even though, up to this point, you believed everything in your nether regons was working perfectly fine.

That’s the problem with having just a little information. It tends to lead to more questions then answers.

You’re certainly welcome to send me photos of your unit, but I can’t promise that I’ll be able to tell you for sure if you have phimosis or not. If you do send photos, you will have to include some of your erection with your foreskin pulled back as far as it goes.

Let me ask, can you retract your skin over the top of your dickhead? Are you able to retract your foreskin while your dick is hard as well as soft? When you shower or bathe, do you clean out under your foreskin?

There are lots of ways to stretch your foreskin, so you shouldn’t have to worry about circumcision. May I suggest that you take your time and read around my site for all the posting and podcasts that I’ve done under the topic “foreskin”. And there’s more under the topic “Uncut“.

Good luck ya’ll

…don’t let me get too deep

Name: Mystery man
Gender: male
Age:
Location
Hi Dr,
I was wondering how do I make my scrotum more looser? I like to jack-off with them loose for some odd reason…is it something natural where you cannot because its all about the temperature? Thank you, and e-mail me back when you respond! =) Thanks a bunch

Lots of guys are into stretching their balls; it’s a very common practice (fetish). Like you suggest there’s nothing like a pair of low-hangers slappin’ against your junk as you pull your pud.180px-scrotum_by_david_shankbone.jpg

Oh, and you have the whole temperature thing backward. Your nuts hang outside and away from your body so they stay slightly cooler than you normal core body temperature. This keeps sperm production at its peak.

Think of the fun you’ll have with a partner too. Do you know about tea baggin? It’s all the rage, don’t cha know! When you stretch out your balls, you’ll be able to straddle your partner and do deep knee bends, while you’re family jewels dip in and out of your partner’s mouth as you proceed with your up and down motion.

a576.jpgDon’t know a ball stretcher from a hole in your head? Not to worry. There are several kinds of devices, all encircle your sack above your balls and then either pushes your balls away from the body, or yanks down on your nuts. Most stretchers are made of soft leather, or metal, or a combination of both. Persistent use can stretch your sack a good 3 inches. By the way, the stretching itself can produce a very erotic sensation both in your balls and your testicle cords (vas deferens). See Dr Dick’s Stockroom for the 411 on all things relating to stretching your balls

For example, check out this little number: The Parachute Ball Stretcher. This is a classic, handmade Parachute Ball Stretcher, made of black leather with a snap closure. The parachute snaps around the balls, and a metal O-ring hangs below, connected by three chains. The Parachute is adjustable and is made in two sizes. You can pull gently on the ring, or attach a leash, etc. Weights can also be attached, but for god sake, have your wits about you when you try this. You can injure yourself if not careful.

Name: Dan and Rebecca
Gender: Couple
Age: 25, 20
Location:
We are a happy but frustrated couple looking for advice. I’m a 25
year old male, and my lovely girlfriend is 20.
I have no problem bringing her to orgasm and pleasing her, but since we’ve been seeing each other I have not been able to cum once. In the past it was always difficult for me to cum during sex, my first time (age 18) my then gf and I went for about three hours before we just gave up. Usually I would have to jerk myself off afterwards but now I can’t even do that.
However if I am alone with porn I am easily able to masturbate and can get off a few times a day. How is it that I can jerk off to pictures that mean nothing to me, but can’t cum for the woman I love the most?
I’ve spoken with a doctor and he said medically there is nothing wrong with my penis. What do you suggest we do? We are really getting frustrated and just want to be able to please each other.

Simply put, there’s a difference between the psychosexual response we have when we are alone and the one we experience with a partner. Your doctor is right, there’s probably nothing wrong with your unit. It’s all in your head…or your mind, to be more exact. And I’m not being flippant.

If I had to guess, I’d say you have a real bad case of performance anxiety. Here’s how this nasty thing works. Say I have a less than satisfying sexual experience for one reason or another. Before I know it, I’m replaying the incident over and over in my mind’s eye till that’s all I can think about. The proverbial molehill has become a mountain. I bring my anxiety to my next encounter. Mykovalik.jpg hyper-consciousness primes me for more disappointment. And I’m ready to interpret all disappointment as a failure. Well, you can see where I’m going with this, huh? My fears become self-fulfilling and I find I’m beginning to avoid sex, my relationship suffers, I develop a full-blown sexual dysfunction and my self-esteem takes a nosedive. My preoccupation with my problem makes it less likely that I’ll be fully present during sex with my partner, which pretty much scuttles my sexual responsiveness and any hope for spontaneity.

It looks to me like performance anxiety is putting a damper on your sexual arousal and short-circuiting your sexual response cycle. Get thee to a sex-positive therapist ASAP, darling! Believe me this is nothing to fool around with, especially for someone at your tender age. When I see this sort of thing in my private practice, I always begin the therapeutic intervention by calling a moratorium on fucking of any kind. This immediately takes a great deal of the pressure off the couple. From there we begin to rebuild the partnered psychosexual response one step at a time. We begin with sensate focus training, stress reduction and relaxation exercises. I have the greatest confidence in this method; it succeeds over 90% of the time.

Good luck

Name: Gene
Gender:
Age: 45
Location: Orlando
I am a homosexual, and I have a “friend” who has been incarcerated for five years. The relationship while he was out with me was excellent. I have asked him numerous of times is he having sex with the homo’s in jail and he responds by saying no. I think otherwise, and he wants to come back to me upon his release. My question is “should I wait for him”?

Gene, Gene, Gene, there are so many things wrong with this picture, I hardly know where to start. Your man’s in the big house for 5 years, and you expect him to keep it in his pants for the duration…just for you? Like WHY? Hey, he’s in the clink, not in a monastery. Oh wait; even monks in the monastery don’t keep it in their habit nowadays! At any rate, it may not be completely up to him if he has sex or not…if you catch my drift. Maybe he’s someone’s bitch right now, he’s just not telling you about it.

Should you wait for him? You mean, all alone by yourself with no one to comfort you while your guys’ doin’ his time? This sounds like the script for a real bad 1950’s prison movie. You could play the Linda Darnell part — the long-suffering girlfriend pining away while her good-for-nothing man pays his debt to society.

Honey, you need to get out more.

Name: omg
Gender:
Age: 32
Location: al
Is it wrong for a married woman to want to masturbate when alone?

I doubt it. What could possibly be wrong with wanting to pleasure yourself when you are alone? As we all know, many women only get off through masturbation. Hell, nowadays liberated women folk everywhere are comfortable enough with their sexuality to jill-off with their partner.

Besides, there’s no better way to get to know your body and your sexual response cycle than through self-pleasuring. Once you’re well acquainted with how your body works, you’ll have a whole lot how much information about how you tic that you can share with your partner when the time comes. It’s a win/win situation.

While I’m at it, let me invite you to send me information about technique, style, fantasy, setting and perhaps implements used in your masturbation. I invite you to submit stories of your earliest experiences; failures as well as successes. You can contribute by using the comments section on the Jillin’ Off page.

Name: JR
Gender:
Age: 20
Location: Florida
Hi Dr. Dick. I’ve been having gay sex since I was 12, so it’s not new to me but I have 2 problems. Problem 1 is that no matter what anyone does to me they can not make me cum. I have had people put it to the test by jerking me off, sucking me, fucking me and jerking me off, but it doesn’t work. I can cum no problem if i do it on my own but the thing is my b/f feels like he can’t please me. problem 2, my boyfriend is new to the whole being gay thing. we have been going out for about a year now and he has been the top. I have only been able to top him 2 since we started going out. that was in the first 6 months of our relationship. but now no matter what i do i can’t top him. i have taken hours to help him prepare, by stretching himself, to rimming, fingering, everything. I can only get my head in when he says that it hurts. we thought that if he sat on it and take more control of it all it would be better but it doesn’t help at all. what can we do for it?

Like I said to Dan and Rebecca above, there’s a difference between the1721-1.jpg psychosexual response we have when we are alone and the one we experience with a partner. Many people are unable to, or choose not to, get off in partnered sex. And there is any number of reasons why. Since you’re able to get yourself off when you are with your partner, why not just leave it at that?

Some people think a sexual encounter is only “successful” if one of the partners gets the other partner off. This is nonsense. Some guys, you may be one of them, can only get off by their own hand. It doesn’t diminish the quality of the encounter, just proves that each person has a unique sexual response. Folks, there’s no necessary connection between an ejaculation and sexual satisfaction, just like there’s no necessary connection between an ejaculation and an orgasm.

As to your hapless boyfriend who can bottom no how…probably it’s simply not his thing, for whatever reason. It seems so unfortunate that you guys are so balled up with all these “shoulds” about what a pleasurable encounter must be like. Why not just relax and enjoy what comes naturally in your being together? No need to force or script the passion into a preconceived idea of how things ought to be.

Name: joy
Gender:
Age: 21
Location: california
I have been dating this guy for almost 3 year and also live with him. I love the way he makes love to me and i love dick, but sometimes i just want to make out with girls… does this make me a lesbian at all?

vol1_avenger.jpgHardly! Takes more than suckin’ face with another chick to make a gal a lesbiterian. You’re gonna need to get yourself a she-mullet, some plaid shirts and a vibrator that you can kick-start. Now that’ll make ya dyke for damn sure! Sheesh!

Good luck ya’ll.

OH THE HUMANITY!

Once again my inbox is filled with quires from all over the globe.

Name: MARK
Gender:
Age: 44
Location: ca
im experiencing ED for 2 years. According to eastern medicine, which i believe in, it’s the result of low kidney chi…are you familiar with mantak chia? can you share any feedback you’ve heard regarding his taoist sex practices?

Alas, I do not know the man or his take on Erectile Dysfunction. If you find out more, do let me know. I’m very interested in cross-cultural philosophies about sex.

Name: Tommy
Gender:
Age: 34
Location: bay area
If your wit this guy for some time. How do you make him be more interested in you. I been sleeping with this person for some time and I feel we have gotten closer> I just want to know I do I reel him in. thanks tommy

vintage311.jpgI am of the mind that humans are not much like fish. They can’t be reeled in. But they can be REASONED in.

Listen, my friend, if you feel like your relationship with this guy has matured to the point where you’d like to take it to the next level, whatever that may be. Why not just come out and tell the bloke how you feel. Ask him to be honest with you about his feelings too. You may be pleasantly surprised to learn that he shares your desire to be more than fuck buddies. If not, at least you’ll know where you stand.

Name: canine
Gender:
Age: 30
Location: philippines
i have a 4 inch dick, 4 inches circumference, would it be enough to satisfy a women. i have tried so many penile enlarging pill, it doesnt work, tried pump, doesnt work either, i am looking at fat transplant is it safe?, would it really lengthen and provide more girth? a 5×5 would be enough for me. help!

manchains.jpgFour inches is plenty to pleasure most women. Most women don’t give a shit about dick size. But ya know what? Even if they were, you are more than your dick size. Presumably you also have functional fingers and a tongue, not to mention an ability to charm a woman. These are the things that will get you laid, my friend, not your 4 or 5 inches.

So you’ve tried enlarging pills and pumps and they don’t work. You don’t say! I keep telling guys to not waste their money. But it looks like you haven’t learned your lesson yet. Now, instead of just useless pills and bogus pumps you want to have some one inject your dick with your own body fat. Is another inch really worth the effort, expense, and risk involved with this procedure if it were to go bad? And mark my words; it will go bad. I have yet to see even one fat injected cock that looks normal. They all look deformed, like they have cottage cheese under the skin. In most cases the body rejects a large portion of the fat injection. The procedure often needs to be repeated several times and each operation carries with it a severe risk of infection.

Stop right now. Spend your money on something that will make you more attractive and interesting to the ladies. Take a class in sensual massage, or study tantrac sex techniques. Just leave your dick alone!

Name: jason
Gender:
Age: 33
Location: Connecticut
if I like anal sex but not all the time does this make me gay even though I like to be with women too?

5484782_400.jpgTakin’ it up the ass don’t make you gay, even if you’re being plugged by another dude. It may suggest that you are technically bisexual, since you say you also like to be with women. But hell, even a lot of straight guys get pegged by their girlfriends or wives.

So what’s the lesson in all of this? All these labels are useless unless you yourself choose to identify yourself with one or another of them. And for lots of people, sexual identities are fluid things. Be honest with yourself and let your public identity flow from that.

Name: catherine joanne
Gender:
Age: 42
Location: canada, alberta
I am in a very loving, uderstanding, compasionate relationship, which I have been waiting for for some time now. The only thing is, in every way he stimulates my emotional side, but in the bedroom he is not as sexual as previous partners i have encountered. I do not know if this is because all my previous relationships has always been about the “sex” and fizzled out, or is this how the “real love thing truly is?” If so, how can I mentally get over this one…he just is not inventive, or has a lack of sexual knowledge. I do not desire to end this loving relationship over the bed issue. Please help me out on this one, so I do not sabatouge this relationship. sincerely: Catherine

If this guy is satisfying you as much as you say, hold on to him. He’s a keeper.

You can always teach the old dog some new tricks. Of course, you’re gonna have to take the lead in his sex ed. Let’s just hope he’s not threatened by a woman who is more sexually experienced and progressive than he is. That being said, I think you ought to make your peace with the fact that he’ll never become a wild fuck. But then again, you wouldn’t want that, because those wild fucks don’t make for loving, understanding and compassionate partners. But you already know that, huh?

Just remember: It’s as hard to domesticate a wild fuck as it is to make a domestic fuck wild!

Name: jamie
Gender:
Age: 28
Location: Georrgia
lately when me and my boyfriend have sex, he’s been pulling out because he says his dick burns. WHY IS HE HAVING THAT PROBLEM

What’s goin on in your pussy, girl? Nothing about a healthy cunt is gonna irritate a guy’s dong. SEE YOUR DOCTOR! Hey, maybe he started out with a skin irritation of some sort or another, and pluggin’ you only made it worse. HE OUGHTA SEE HIS DOCTOR!

And what the fuck are you two doin screwin around without a condom? Are you on the pill? You’d better be. Cuz if you ain’t ya’ll are gonna have a whole lot more to worry about than cock burns, if ya catch my drift.

Name: rupalini
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: india
i am unable to have an orgasm.. how ever i try.. its emotionally straining on me.. could be pls tell me techniques to relax and enjoy..?

Let’s begin by dispelling the notion that there may be something wrong with you. There isn’t. You do, however, fall into a category we in the biz call “pre-orgasmic women.”

Orgasms don’t always come easily to some women, and that’s a fact. I suppose there are as many reasons for this as there are preorgasmic women. A woman’s pleasure center (her clit) is more subtle and less obvious than a man’s raging hardon. Women are socialized about sexuality especially where you live — even nowadays — in a much different way then men are. Men have more cultural permissions to be sexually adventuresome than women do.

Case in point. When I was just beginning my sex therapy practice I had a young engaged couple, Joel and Amy, visit me with the very issue you raise. As I would soon learn, Joel considered himself a top-notch cocksmith. He was fond of saying that he could reduce any woman to blubbering jelly with either his mouth or his magic-wand of a dick. (Oh, lord, how us mens love to brag!)

But Joel was completely flummoxed to discover that the love of his life, the young woman sitting next to him, was immune to his sexual prowess. He had to get to the bottom of this…so to speak. So he decided to haul the little woman in for my diagnosis.

Amy squirmed with discomfort during this little introduction. I thought she would absolutely die as Joel detailed the intimacies of their lovemaking. He was being very explicit. I knew I’d get nowhere with Amy while numb-nuts Joel was sitting right there, so I told him to go take a hike while Amy and I had a chat.

I first asked Amy about the early messages she got about her body. She thought for a moment and answered. “I don’t know if this is what you mean, but one of my earliest recollections is my mother teaching me to wash myself. I must have been no more than 5 or 6 years old. She began by telling me I should wash my body like we washed dishes. First and foremost, I was to attend to my hair, my face and my hands…like we would first wash the fine crystal and silverware. My mother explained that my hair, face and hands would be what would attract a husband. Then I was to wash the rest of my body…just like we would then wash the rest of the dishes. Finally, at the end of the bath, I could wash my genitals…but only with a different cloth than the one I used on the rest of me…just like we washed the pots and pans.”

This unearthed memory startled Amy. Even though she hadn’t thought about it for years, she realized she continued to wash herself in that same manner to that very day. This was so startling to her that she followed that revelation with one equally astonishing. She told me that once she reached puberty her mother took her aside for the “BIG TALK.” Menstruation and all the embarrassment and confusion that brought with it, added to the pot and pan imagery really threw poor Amy for a loop. Her mother said…referring to her genitals, “You must save that for the one you love and will marry.” WHAT? “This dirty part, this thing that’s cursed with a monthly unclean bloodletting was supposed to be SAVED for the man of my dreams. YUCK, why?”

brazilian-bedlock.jpgPoor Amy! She was a tangle of confusion and mixed messages. No wonder she was preorgasmic. No wonder fucking Joel, despite her love for him, was a teeth-clenching chore. No wonder his begging to eat her pussy was met with a “Oh, please don’t. I’m not ready for that.”

There was a lot of work to be done, but she was eager to begin.

We began her home-play exercises with journal work and a self-sexological exam. I instructed her to get a hand mirror and a diagram of female genitalia. She was to get to work familiarizing herself and making friends with her estranged pussy. Her exam would entail a detailed touch test. Every square inch from her asshole to her navel was to be tested for sensitivity. I suggested she draw pictures of cunt and color them to represent the levels of sensitivity — red being the hottest and most pleasurable areas to blue being the more neutral areas and all the colors in-between. I encouraged her to try this exercise with both a wet hand and a dry hand. I suggested a nice personal lubricant for her wet hand exploration. I encouraged her to spend at least 30 minutes a day for three consecutive days. She had a lot of reacquainting to do, don’t cha know. And this was to be private time. Joel was not to invited.

On the forth day, if she was ready, she could invite Joel to join her. No pressure for that to happen, just a suggestion. But whenever she was ready to invite Joel to her little pussy get-acquainted party, he could only attend as a guest, not a participant. I encouraged her to give Joel the royal tour of Amy’s fabulous cunt. She was to show Joel her drawings and once the tour and art show was over that was it. No fucking, no sucking, no nothing just the tour and art show.

Poor Joel was beside himself. He couldn’t see the logic of him not being involved. I had to impress upon him that this was Amy’s work not his. And if he just held on to that magic johnson of his, he’d be back with an orgasmic Amy in no time. But he had to be patient.

When next we were together Amy shared her artwork with me. I could tell right away from just looking at the pictures she drew that she found her clit. Amy was pleased as all get out with her newfound pussy friend. She was eager to take it to the next level.

The following week’s home-play would include a vibrator. Amy was to shop for the one she wanted and take it home to introduce it to her pussy. Using the pictures she created of her genitals, she was to kick-start that vibrator, throw it into first gear and start making small lazy circles around the blue areas, and work her way to the bright red areas. She was to do this privately for 30 minutes for three consecutive days or until there was a breakthrough.

I knew this wasn’t gonna take long, and it didn’t. The very next day, I got the anticipated phone call. Amy was breathless. “Holy shit, I did it!” She exclaimed. “Oh my god, I saw stars, the earth moved and I made so much noise that Joel came running into the room thinking I had somehow hurt myself. He stood there in stunned silence as he watched me throw myself another screaming meme.” I loved the way she already had a name for her orgasms…screamin’ memes.

And so that’s how Amy went from being preorgasmic to being a totally “I know how to give myself a big fat juicy orgasm” in a matter of a couple of weeks. YEAH!

big-13.jpgNow let’s review for you Rupalini. The basic formula for achieving an orgasm is acquainting yourself with your pussy. Map out all the points of interest. Find out what feels good, and repeat it. The object of this first step is not to stress about having an orgasm it’s all about reconnecting with your cunt.

The more you know about this marvelous part of you the better you’re gonna be at slammin yourself a screamin’ meme when the time comes. Knowing your way around your pussy is also gonna be helpful in partnered sex, especially if your partners are men. Like I said earlier, one of the reasons you’re preorgasmic may be you’ve had uninformed lovers.

You see most men’s interest in pussy extends to the end of his dick. And it completely expires once he’s shot his wad. So don’t mistake a man’s pawing at you to get in your pants as authentic interest in you and/or your pussy. Mostly a man is interested in getting’ some relief for his johnson. And that’s about as far as our interest goes. So, if you find a partner that doesn’t know shit from shinola about your love cave, you’ll better have the confidence to give him a tutorial before the fucking commences.

Step two is masturbation. You may have tried it before without success, that’s ok. This time you’ll be better informed about all the hot spots of your coozie that you learned in step one. I’m a big fan of full body masturbation. So while you’re diddlin’ yourself spread the sexual energy all over your body — tits, ass, feet, mouth, whatever.

Vary your technique: stroke, pinch, pat, massage, and rub yourself all over. Vary your breathing, gyrate your hips, listen to sexy music, rent some porn, watch yourself in a mirror, or throw in some Kegel exercises. Try a wet hand. Play with yourself in the bath. Hell, dance around naked with a jewel in your navel…whatever it takes.

022107.jpgMany women experience their first orgasm with the help of a vibrator, just like old Amy. I encourage you to be adventuresome and experiment with one too. Try a dildo or another sex toy.

Be sure to keep a journal during this exploratory period. This will help you later to bridge the gap in communicating with your partners.

Finally, Rupalini, may I turn you on to a fantastic webstie, www.Clitical.com. This is a one-stop shop for all things relating to female sexuality.

Good luck ya’ll

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