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One of the more common questions I get at Dr Dick Sex Advice is about how to navigate opening a previously sexually exclusive relationship to include another or others.  It’s generally hard to offer advice to a couple that I don’t know.  So I often wind up suggesting some general guidelines — how the couple could begin the discussion, set some ground rules, find a compatible partner(s), enjoy the ride, and debrief afterward.

Unfortunately, this approach can make the idea of a threesome, group sex or swinging pretty mundane.  And believe you me; they are hardly ever that.  That’s why I’m grateful that my colleague, author, columnist, editor, and sex educator, Tristan Taormino, brings to life the joys of a ménage à trois.

Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Threesomes $29.95

This video is a collaboration between Tristan and the mammoth porn production expert guidecompany, Vivid.  In fact, it’s hard to tell their educational programming from their porn productions.  There are very high production values, as one would expect.  There is none of the awkwardness one might find in an amateur production.  The performers are uniformly beautiful and the sex is hot.

There is a down side to this; however.  It all seems a little too slick and studied; the porn influence, I’d guess.  The performers don’t really discuss what they what to do with each other and everything appears effortless.  This isn’t an accurate representation of any three-way I’ve even known.  And for someone wanting to figure out how to approach this kind of coupling, there’s precious little nuts ‘n bolts kind of information.

But maybe that’s the point, after all.  Does educational and enrichment programming have to be clinical or pedantic?  I don’t think so.  And let’s face it; a whole lot more people fantasize about threesomes than will actually participate in one.  So this is the ideal material for that group.  It’s fun, it’s pretty, it’s full of sex and no one has a care in the world.  Fantasy material indeed!

Oh, and you should know that this presentation has a decidedly heterosexual bent.  There’s girl-on-girl action, no surprise there; but no guy-on-guy action.  Was a teachable moment missed?  I think so, but I wouldn’t have expected anything different from a Vivid production.

I have one major bone to pick with this project; no condoms were used during any of the sex scenes.  This is a HUGE no-no in my book, particularly since this is billed as an educational video.  Would it have killed them to tip their hat to the necessity of safe sex when multiple sex partners are involved?  I gotta tell you I was really disappointed by this.

Tristan opens the DVD with some basics. She talks about some of the reasons why people have a 3-way and the sexual opportunities they present.  She outlines the two kinds of threesomes — The Triangle:  in which everyone is sexual with everyone, and The V: in which two people have sex with a third person, but not each other.

The DVD has, appropriately enough, three scenes.

Scene 1:  We meet India Summer, Hailey James, and Jack Lawrence; they get together for a steamy ménage a trios. Both India and Haileey are hot for some girl-on-girl action, and now they can pig out.  So yeah for that!  There is also some nice toy use in this scene.

Scene 2:  Shows us an example of The “V” type of threesome.  Daisy Marie gets it on with both Derrick Pierce and his friend Christian.  The men do not interact sexually with one another, which was a bummer for me.  But everyone has a good gooey time anyway.

Scene 3: Here we have a wide-open threesome; everyone is into everyone.  Penny Flame and Justice Young make out while Harmony is jillin-off on the bed.  The gals get it on with each other as well as turn their attention to Justice.  A big old vibe is introduced and everyone gets off big time.

Here’s a tip: if you’re can buy materials like this, you can rent this DVD as a whole or by the scene in my How To Video Library.

Full review HERE

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5 Reasons The Sex Toy Market Is Failing The Needs Of Seniors

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By Lisa S. Lawless

Yes, older women want pleasure, too!

Sex toys are quite popular these days, but there are a few challenges that people over the age of 50 may be having with them. First, let’s get past the old myth that age has anything to do with one’s sexuality. Seniors are usually open to sex toys and have a healthy sexual desire. In fact, most people find their desire for sex and involvement in sexual activity continue as they age.

However, there are a few issues seniors are having when it comes to buying sex toys.

Here are 5 issues that seniors might run into when buying sex toys:

1. Sex toys are getting more technologically advanced and confusing.

Sex toys have been getting more and more advanced, and it is not uncommon to find such high-tech features as Bluetooth compatibility, multiple speeds, various functions, and remote controls that can be operated through your smartphone — not to mention the apps that allow users to create specialized vibration settings.

With basic knowledge in technology required for some of these new adult novelties, many seniors are finding it overwhelming when trying to find just a simple, quality sex toy. Often, they are left more confused when pursuing them than when they began.

2. New toys often require USB ports to charge them.

Many sex toys no longer feature the old fashioned batteries and plug-in chargers and are coming with USB charging technology.

They are less expensive than plug-in chargers to produce and they allow manufacturers to make only one model rather than having to do various models for different electrical outlets outside of the USA. However, many seniors who order sex toys are sometimes surprised when their sex toy arrives with a USB cord and may be unsure of how they are supposed to charge it.

While USB charging is becoming more common across all industries, it can leave some seniors wondering how they get a USB adapter or even what one is.

3. They’re not often ergonomic.

With new technology allowing sex toys to be more compact and artistic in design it sometimes means not being easy to hold especially for those who have arthritis or mobility issues.

There are some sex toy holders and pillows that can help hold toys in place, but those seniors who have such concerns may find it difficult to know how much trouble they might have holding or maneuvering a sex toy without having to buy it first.

4. Their designs can be confusing.

With many of the new sex toys looking more and more like sculptures and less like the human anatomy, it can be difficult for seniors to get an idea of what goes where and how a sex toy is going to stimulate themselves and/or their partner.

Some retail descriptions offer a lot of hype but fail to explain how sex toys specifically work, what parts stimulate the body and instructions on how to use a product.

5. Sex terminologies have changed.

With sex toy retailers using terms like “dils” instead of dildos or phalluses, and “love rings” instead of “cockrings” or “penis rings,” some seniors are having a hard time catching up with the terminology that is being used. Many are not aware that some sex toys contain toxins and why the terms body-safe and phthalate free are so important.

With changing terminology, it can make it difficult for seniors to articulate what type of products they are looking for let alone understand what is available to them.

One beneficial change in the modern era, however, is senior sex toy support!

On the bright side, with sexual wellness education available through quality sex educators, it is easy for seniors to find helpful articles and customer service representatives to become educated about these topics and learn how sex toys can not only provide pleasure but also increase sexual health and intimacy with their partner.

Complete Article HERE!

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Butt Stuff, Part One

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A sexual-health professional reminds us that, however open-minded and experienced we think we are, there’s always something to learn about anuses and rectums.

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As a sexual-health professional, I find that people have many questions about putting things in their butt — and about butts in general. I can’t possibly cover everything ass-related in a single column, so we will break it in two. Speaking in my capacity as the Director of the Safe and Supportive Schools Project at the GSA Network and someone who holds a Ph.D. in health promotion, I give you Butt Stuff, Part One.

Let’s start with some basics. When I refer to the “ass” or “butt,” I’m referring to the whole thing: the gluteus maximus muscle, the anus, and the rectum. Our butts serve a number of purposes, from sitting, standing, and walking to pooping and farting. The rectum and the anus contain a great deal of nerve endings, including ones that generate a pleasurable feeling when stimulated — think about that sensation of feeling full you get when you need to poop, and how good it feels when you take a big dump — making it part of an erogenous zone (an area on the body it feels pleasurable to touch and stimulate).

Many people — those assigned male at birth, typically — also have a prostate gland, which is responsible for producing the white, milky fluid that we associate with semen and which serves as a suspension and protective fluid for sperm. In other words, it helps get sperm out of the body from the testicles and, in procreative sex, into the uterus and fallopian tubes to fertilize an egg.

The prostate is located approximately between the rectum and the bladder, and it can feel quite pleasurable when stimulated by a finger, sex toy, penis, or anything else inserted into the rectum. Some people really, really like it when the area around the anus or between the anus and genitalia — the taint — the rectum, and/or the prostate are stimulated. Other people don’t really care one way or the other, and some just plain don’t like it. All of that is great! It takes all types of people to make butt-play and butt-sex fun.

Also, the older you get, the easier it is to be ashamed of slang terms you hear but don’t know the meaning of. Don’t just laugh along and hope no one exposes your naivete; let a professional help you out! Sure, you know what tops and bottoms are, but versatile people enjoy getting things inserted in their ass and inserting things in other people’s asses. (If they’re lucky and there are enough people or toys, a versatile person can be a top and bottom at the same time!) Rimming or tossing salad means licking, sucking, and lightly biting the asshole and the area around it. Fingering and fisting are pretty self-explanatory, but pegging is when someone puts a dildo, usually a strap-on, or a dick in another person’s ass.

I was around 12 or 13 when I discovered the joy of sticking things up my rear end. I used to keep a stash of Hustler magazines hidden under the folded towels in the bathroom for jerking off every chance I got. (Hustler was the only one I had access to that had pictures of hard cocks in it!) In that same cabinet under the sink, there was always a jar of Vaseline and a toilet plunger. During one of my multiple-times-a-day jack-off sessions, I decided to rub some Vaseline on the handle of the plunger and stick it up my ass. The world ended, stars collided, and I’m still trying to get other people to put things in my butt to this day.

Just as with most sexual things, there is a great deal of stigma, shame, and guilt about engaging in ass play, mostly around being worried that people will think you are gay — who cares?! — or that it is unsanitary and unhealthy. We will tackle that thoroughly in a future column, but if you want to experiment, here are a few simple pointers: Wash your ass, thoroughly, with soap and water. Use a lot of lube — the more, the better. Relax and don’t force anything. Start small: a finger, a small butt-plug, or a dildo. (Go to a sex-toy store and ask. The staff will be delighted to help out a newbie!) Lastly, if at first you don’t succeed, try again — and if you don’t like it, that’s cool. Maybe try being a top.

Next time, I’ll go a little deeper — wink, wink — laying down the real shit about shit for you about whether or not you should douche, and why straight guys have to call it pegging. Until then, go play with yourself, or help out a friend.

Complete Article HERE!

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The Science of Passionate Sex

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How to have hot sex, according to science

By Scott Barry Kaufman

Our culture is obsessed with sex. Everywhere you look is another article on how to have hot sex, harder erections, mind-bending orgasms, and ejaculations that go on for days. What people seldom realize, though– and which the latest science backs up– is that this is exactly the problem.

There’s nothing wrong with desiring sex. I’m extremely sex positive. Rather, I believe it’s the obsessive focus on the pragmatics and mechanization of sex– in isolation from the rest of the person— that is making us actually less satisfied with sex. We aren’t integrating our sexual desires into the totality of our being, and our whole selves are suffering as a result.

In a series of clever studies, Frédérick PhilippeRobert Vallerand, and colleagues studied a concept they refer to as harmonious sexual passionpassion for sex that is well integrated and in harmony with other aspects of the self, creating minimal conflict with other areas of life. Harmonious integration of ones sexual desires frees one up to fully engage and enjoy sexual activity in an open, spontaneous, and nondefensive manner. Items measuring harmonious sexual passion include: “Sex is in harmony with the other things that are part of me,” “Sex is well integrated in my life,” and “Sex is in harmony with the other activities in my life.”

In contrast, those who have obsessive sexual passion have not well integrated their sexuality into the totality of their being. Their sexual desires remain detached from other areas of their self as well as other domains in life. This leads to more narrow goals, such as immediate sexual gratification (e.g., orgasm), and leads to more of an urgent feeling of sex as a goal, compelling us to perform, instead of us being in control of our sexuality. This can significantly limit the full enjoyment of sex as well as life. Items measuring obsessive sexual passion include: “I have almost an obsessive feeling for sex,” “Sex is the only thing that really turns me on,” and “I have the impression that sex controls me.”

Across a number of studies, the researchers found that these two forms of sexual passion– obsessive and harmonious– differ remarkably in the way sexual information is processed, and how sexual activities are experienced. During sexual activities, obsessive sexual passion was related to negative emotions. Outside of sexual intercourse, obsessive sexual passion was related to intrusive thoughts about sex, conflict with other goals, attention to alternative partners, and difficulty concentrating on a current goal when unconsciously viewing pictures of sexually attractive people.

Obsessive sexual passion was also related to the biased processing of information. Those scoring higher in obsessive sexual passion were more likely to perceive sexual intent in ambiguous social interactions as well as to perceive sexuality in words that don’t explicitly have a sexual connotation (e.g., “nurse”, “heels,” “uniform”). Obsessive sexual passion was also related to violent actions under threat of romantic rejection, as well as greater dissolution of romantic relationships over time.

In contrast, harmonious sexual passion showed much greater integration with more loving aspects of the self, as well as other life domains. For instance, participants were asked to list as many words as they could in 1 minute related to the word “sex”. Those scoring higher in harmonious sexual passion were still sexually passionate beings: they listed quite a number of sexually-related words. However, they had a more balanced profile of purely sexual representations (e.g., “penis”, “breasts”, “vibrator”) and sexual-relational representations (e.g., “intimate,” “caress,” “intercourse”). In fact, the magic number seemed to be a ratio of 2: once the number sexual words outweighed the number of sexual-relational words by a factor of 2, there was a substantial increase in obsessive sexual passion and a marked decrease in harmonious sexual passion.

Those scoring high in harmonious sexual passion also showed greater control over their sexual drive. Whenever a sexual stimulus was subconsciously encountered (e.g., a beautiful person), they were able remain on task (which was to identify natural vs. artificial objects). Harmonious sexual passion was also related to less sexually intrusive thoughts and was unrelated to attentiveness to alternative partners. This greater integration and absence of conflict led to higher relationship quality over time.

It’s important to note that obsessive sexual passion is not the same thing as sexual compulsivity, or even sex addiction (although it is still hotly debated whether sexual addiction really exists). Even though obsessive sexual passion was correlated with negative emotions during sexual activity, it did not lead to greater feelings of distress. Also, both harmonious and obsessive sexual passion were related to loving and enjoying sex-related activities.

In fact, both harmonious and obsessive sexual passion were equally correlated with sexual desire. This is a really important finding, because we have a tendency to stigmatize those with greater sociosexuality in our society. Those with a more unrestricted sociosexual orientation are more willing to engage in casual sex, and report greater sexual desire and frequency of fantasizing about sex. These results suggest that sociosexuality itself is not the problem; rather, it’s how your sociosexuality is integrated into your identity and other areas of your life that really matters.

Perhaps instead of our cultural obsession with sexual performance, we should shift more towards helping people accept and feel comfortable with their sexuality, embrace sexual passion, and help them harness that passion in ways that bring joy, vitality, and openness to all areas of their life.

Complete Article HERE!

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I thought that everything was completely normal down there, but then…

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Name: Shaon
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location:
I am a 20-year-old male and recently on a forum I post on someone was talking about how they had to get a circumcision as an adult because they had a condition called phimosis. Up until a couple of days ago I thought that everything was completely normal down there, I have been able to masturbate normally for as long as I’ve been doing it. I’ve been doing a lot of reading on the internet about the condition and I think I might have it but I’m not really sure and I can’t bring myself to go to a doctor about it. I don’t have any picture now but I can take some and I’m wondering if you would be able to tell me if I have phimosis simply by looking at pictures. Thanks for your help.

So you’re reading around on the internet…that’s a good thing. What’s not so good is that your casual reading around has brought you to the conclusion that you have a medical condition called phimosis. Even though, up to this point, you believed everything in your nether regions was working perfectly fine.

That’s the problem with having just a little information. It tends to lead to more questions then answers.

For those in our audience unfamiliar with the term phimosis, it’s a condition in which the foreskin of the penis cannot be pulled back past the glans.

Shaon, you’re welcome to send me photos of your unit, but I can’t promise that I’ll be able to tell you for sure if you have phimosis or not. (Remember, I’m not a medical doctor, so don’t expect a medical diagnosis.) If you do send photos, you will have to include some of your erection with your foreskin pulled back as far as it goes.

So, let me ask you a couple of questions.  Can you retract your skin over the top of your dickhead? Are you able to retract your foreskin while your dick is hard as well as soft? When you shower or bathe, do you clean out under your foreskin?

Also, you should know that there are lots of ways to stretch your foreskin, so you shouldn’t ever have to worry about circumcision.

May I suggest that you take your time and read around my site for all the posting and podcasts that I’ve done under the topic “foreskin”? To do that, simply use the CATEGORIES pull-down menu in the sidebar of my site. Look for the heading Body Issues. Under that you will find the word “foreskin”. Every thing is alphabetized for your convenience.

And there’s more under the topic “Uncut”.

Good luck

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