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10 Things I Wish I Was Taught in Sex Ed

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By Mysteryvibe

Other than attempting to put a condom on a banana, sex education at school was pretty non-existent.

Being a teenager feels like the hardest thing in the world. You’re growing body parts where you never had body parts before and you’re feeling all warm and tingly down below whenever you look at your crush. You have an urge to touch yourself, but you don’t know why and for some reason, you feel embarrassed and ashamed for these things.

When you finally find out what ‘sex’ is, the only things you’re taught are:

  • If you’re a man, you put your penis inside a vagina and after a while something explodes
  • If you’re a woman, you’ll get pregnant

As we learn about sex, so much education and advice focuses on things like pregnancy, STIs, or what body part goes where and when.

This leads to a whole host of problems, from unsatisfying sex to inability to orgasm.

But sex isn’t about actions – it’s about sensation, and connection. It’s the exploration of sensuality, of love, lust, of things that make you feel good. It’s laughter, pleasure, play.

And it’s the most human thing we do.

You don’t need me to tell you that our sex education needs a serious overhaul, you already know that. But here are 10 things I wish we were taught about sex, sexuality and intimacy.

Hopefully anyone searching for similar enlightenment will read this and not feel so scared, or worried about their future sexual endeavours.

1. I wish I was taught what my clitoris was, and where I could find it

The female anatomy is somewhat an enigma when it comes to sex ed. We’re taught that a man’s penis becomes erect, and that means they’re ready for sex.

But what happens for women? We just lay back and think happy thoughts?

Unlike our male counterparts, we don’t have a natural signal to tell us when we’re feeling aroused, but that doesn’t change the fact we do feel these things.

I wish my sex education teacher taught me about the beauty and delicacy of my clitoris. I wish they told me how pleasurable sex and intimacy could be.

2. I wish I was taught the meaning of consent

It’s a sad reality that the majority of women reading this would have, at some point in their lives, felt sexual discomfort.

When we talk about consent, we mean informed, enthusiastic consent.

There is a huge lack of understanding about what consent means and how we should all practice enthusiastic consent. We’re taught that no means no, but what about if we change our mind halfway through, or we’re too embarrassed to say no?

I wish I were taught that it’s okay to say no. That my body is mine, and nobody has the right to touch it without my consent.

When we first start having sex, sometimes we feel pressured into doing things that we’d rather not. It’s important we’re taught to ignore societal ideologies like ‘you’re a prude if you don’t have sex’ or ‘you’re a tease if you don’t go all the way’.

That’s another point – it is absolutely your right to stop any sexual contact whenever you want.

Sex should never be something you endure.

3. I wish I was taught literally anything about LGBTQ+ sexuality

Even the existence of LGBTQ+ people at all.

Being a teenager is really hard. Being a teenager and feeling as though you’re different, or there’s something wrong, is even harder.

We need to give people context, and teach them that it’s not always boy meets girl.

It may be boy meets boy, girl meets girl. Or even better, X meet X.

4. I wish I was taught sex isn’t just penetrative

What about kissing, caressing, licking, nibbling, touching… usually, sex is defined as penis in vagina penetration, but there’s so much more than that.

Instead of talking about ‘sex’, let’s talk about ‘pleasure’. What makes us feel good? After all, that’s what sex is all about.

5. I wish I knew that pornography doesn’t represent real sex

I remember porn being so alien to me. Why don’t I look like that? Should I be making those noises? Should my sexual partner be doing that to my face?

There are so many misrepresentations of what makes sex ‘good’ in mainstream porn, which it gives us all an unrealistic idea of what we should enjoy.

It’s really important we teach people diversity and give them images of real people having real sex.

There are so many amazing, innovative, creative people out there making porn that doesn’t disrespect women or mistreat their actors. Porn that speaks about sex, passion, lust and pleasure, aimed to excite your mind and body simultaneously.

That’s the stuff we should be teaching in school.

6. I wish I was taught about safe sex, properly

There are so many different forms of contraception on the market, something I only learnt after years of sexual activity.

We were never taught that taking the pill may come with a list of side effects for women, or that you can catch an STI from performing oral sex without a condom.

For some reason, safe sex is often linked with unsexy sex. This needs to change. We should never be embarrassed, or feel ashamed for using or carrying condoms.

Even if you are using other contraception, but feel a little nervous and would rather use a condom for extra protection – do it!

There are so many great products in the market now, so if any man tells you it doesn’t feel as nice, or it’s desensitising, ignore and tell him to check out our friends HANX.

7. I wish I was taught that orgasm isn’t everything

Did you know that 80% of women find it almost impossible to orgasm through penetrative sex?

I remember the first person I ever had sex with being baffled by the fact I didn’t orgasm “but I always make a woman come!” well, not me.

We read so much about orgasms, that we fixate too much on reaching it. If we don’t climax, sex isn’t successful.

Let’s change that mentality. Pleasure encompasses more than just orgasm.

The ability to orgasm is all in your mind, so if you’re letting yourself worry about it, then it’s probably not going to happen.

Don’t let any sexual partner make you feel bad about your lack of orgasm. Every person is different.

8. I wish I knew fetishes are okay

Through sexual exploration, you may find out that you like being tied up, or spanked, or have a fascination with feet or role-play.

Our sex education should teach people that different sexual desires and tastes are normal, and encourage us to explore different sensations.

9. I wish I was taught our genitals are all normal

In our last blog we spoke about embracing your vulva, and enjoying oral sex.

Whether you’re male or female, try not to worry about the size and shape of your genitals because they are fine. Seriously, we’re all normal. No two penises or vulvae are the same.

I wish we were shown natural images of all different kinds of genitals so that we were able to love our bodies as they are, and not compare ourselves to the idealised images we see through mainstream porn.

10. I wish I was taught about safe sex toys

This is so critical. Naturally, we begin to experiment with masturbation from a young age.

That could mean using household objects to touch or insert. Objects that aren’t body-safe potentially covered in bacteria and harmful chemicals that shouldn’t be anywhere near our genitals.

This is very dangerous, and something that’s not discussed widely enough – educating children about safe sex toys and materials is absolutely essential.

Complete Article HERE!

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Ring-A-Ding-Ding

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Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday once again. This week we welcome back an old friend. The good people at We-Vibe have been part of this review effort since 2008 when we reviewed our first product of their line. Since then we’ve happily reviewed several of their others.

To keep track of all our reviews of the amazing products coming from We-Vibe, use the search function in the sidebar of DrDickSexToyReviews.com, type in We-Vibe, and PRESTO!

Back with us today is one of the newest members of the Dr Dick Review Crew, Trevor, who will introduce us to today’s product.

The Verge Vibrating Ring, Slate —— $88.70

Trevor
Hello again! Just in case you didn’t read my first review, my name is Trevor.  I’m 32 years old. I’m originally from the UK, Manchester to be precise, but have been in the US since I was 13. I live with my da. My mom passed away three years ago. I am dating this great gal. Shelia is her name. We’ve been together for just over a year.

My new toy is the Verge Vibrating Ring by We-Vibe. It’s an amazing new cockring.

If you are unfamiliar with what a cockring (penis ring) is or what it is used for, let me turn your attention to a swell tutorial that Dr Dick put together called, Cockring Crash Course.

The Verge Vibrating Ring is worn around your cock and balls. The ring feature adds a bit of blood flow restriction for fuller, longer lasting erections. The vibration feature, which hits you smack-dab on your perineum, produces mind-blowing orgasms.

You can use the Verge Vibrating Ring alone, like when you’re having a little wank, or with a partner, like when you’re having a little shag. Either way, it’s brilliant!

Sometimes I need a wee bit more stimulation to get off than what I can produce with my hand. For example, I’ve recently discovered all the pleasures that come from stimulating my prostate while I wank. For the longest time my butthole was off limits because I thought that was too gay for a straight bloke like me. I know how stupid that way of thinking is now, but for the longest time I just wouldn’t allow myself the permission to even investigate the other pleasure zones on my body.

My girl, Shelia, helped me over come that. One day we were having sex and she had this little lipstick vibe with her. http://www.drdicksextoyreviews.com/2014/05/09/we-vibe-tango/ She started to use it on her clit while I was inside her. At first, I was pretty upset by this. I thought I wasn’t doing my job pleasuring her enough with my cock. I even started to get soft. I was just about to pull out when Shelia, guessing what was going on with me, took the little vibe and placed it on that patch of skin between my balls and butthole, my perineum. I immediately jumped to attention. I had never felt anything like that before. But I was also scared. It was getting way too close to my hole for comfort.

I was torn between the intense pleasure and the fear of the gay thing. What a dolt!

Shelia later told me about all the nerve endings in my pelvis can be the source of great pleasure and that some guys are orgasmic by just stimulating their prostate. To tell the truth, I wasn’t all that sure what or where my prostate was. All I knew was that if it was inside my butt; I wasn’t going there. But I figured stimulating my perineum was OK because it was not technically IN my butt.

To make a long story short, I was using a vibrator on my perineum one day when I, all of a sudden, let the vibe wander to my hole. The sensations were AMAZING! It was only a little while later that I threw caution to the wind and tentatively started to insert the vibe in my butthole. Within minutes I discovered my prostate, which is as sensitive and pleasure producing as my cock if not more so. And guess what? I didn’t turn gay!

Crazy story, right? I’ll bet there are a lotta guys out there who think the way that I used to. Hopefully, reading this will straighten them out…no pun intended.

OK, so I mentioned that if you wear the Verge Vibrating Ring with the pointy part down you get perineum stimulation, right? Well get this, if you wear the Verge with the pointy part up, like when you’re having sex with your partner, the Verge Vibrating Ring delivers the vibration to your partner’s clit.

The Verge Vibrating Ring delivers vibrations that are deep and rumbly, not the little buzzy kind that you get from some vibes. It’s also amazingly quiet.

And while we’re talking about the vibrations, you should know that there are 10 vibration modes built into the Verge Vibrating Ring. But that’s just the beginning. There’s a smartphone app that you get through the We-Vibe website. http://we-vibe.com/app With the app you can connect and control a bunch of We Vibe products, not just the Verge. So when Shelia and I both have our We Vibe vibrator we can share control of each other’s pleasure at the same time. It’s totally wild.

The Verge Vibrating Ring is covered in velvety, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic, body-safe silicone. And because it is fully waterproof and made of silicone it’s a breeze to clean. I toss it into the skink with mild soap and warm water, rub it down a bit, and then let it air dry. Or you can just wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.

The Verge Vibrating Ring is rechargeable via a USB connected port. It takes about 90 minutes to fully charge and a full charge will last for up to two hours of play.

If you’re going to be using lube on or around the Verge Vibrating Ring, be sure to use only water-based lube. A silicone based lube would mar the beautiful finish of the toy.

I love everything about the Verge Vibrating Ring. I love that it is made of body-safe silicone and that it’s 100% waterproof. I love that the vibrations are massive but it’s still really quiet. I love that it is rechargeable. And I love that Shelia and I can play with our toys and each other even if we’re not actually together.

Full Review HERE!

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Why Aren’t Women Getting Enough Oral Sex?

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By Mysteryvibe

Think of all the sexual partners you’ve ever had…

How many of these partners received oral sex from you? Compare that figure to the amount of partners who reciprocated, and gave you oral sex in return. I already know the total doesn’t add up.

The oral sex gap is a thing, and it needs addressing.

What went wrong? When we were reading articles like ‘how to give your boyfriend the best blow job’ or ‘10 tips your boyfriend wish you knew about giving oral sex’, where were the articles saying ‘what every woman wishes you knew about oral sex’ or ‘how to make your girlfriend scream, using your tongue’.

Seldom do we see the same attention given to female pleasure than that of male pleasure, which is crazy when you think that 80% of women find it difficult – or even impossible – to orgasm through penetrative, penis in vagina sex.

A study of men and women (in heterosexual relationships) found that women are more than twice as likely to offer their partners oral sex than men. Why is that? Because we don’t like it? No, that can’t be right. Because it’s too hard? Nope – don’t think so. Because it takes longer? I mean, perhaps but so what?

For some reason, our culture has depicted that oral sex for women is way more intimate than that for men; therefore cunnilingus in casual relationships is often sparse.

Whereas lots of women are comfortable (and used to) performing oral sex with their male partner, receiving it feels like a gift only to be given by regular lovers.

I think it’s time we stop pretending this isn’t happening, stop accepting excuses and start getting the pleasure we deserve.

I’m sure there will be men out there reading this thinking ‘hey wait! I’m a good guy – I like to give’. Yes, I’m not denying there are many generous lovers out there; the problem is (figures show) that you’re part of a minority.

We shouldn’t have to congratulate every man that gives us oral sex; male focused oral is a given. Female focused oral shouldn’t be any different.

The sad reality is that for a lot of women, receiving oral sex is awkward, embarrassing and not enjoyable.

The good news is, we think that’s just because you haven’t learned to embrace it.

Here are a few common concerns we have when it comes to oral sex. I hope reading them will help you sit back, relax and finally enjoy the attention your vulva deserves.

1. You’re worried about how you look and taste

This is our most common concern. The lack of education and exploration surrounding female pleasure has resulted in women feeling ashamed of their vagina.

We’re taught to dislike the appearance of our vulva, and constantly question or feel embarrassed about our natural vaginal smells and tastes.

Whoever said penis tastes, looks or smells better than any vagina had obviously never pleasured a woman.

We all want to have a ‘nice’, ‘normal’ vagina. But what does that even mean?! What constitutes ‘nice’?

There is no ‘normal’ vulva. They come in all shapes, sizes, textures and colours. No two labia or clitoris are alike – some are long, some are thick, some are small, some are big.

As the wonderful Emily Nagoski once wrote:

“When you can see your body as it is, rather than what culture proclaims it to mean, then you experience how much easier it is to live with and love your genitals, along with the rest of your sexuality, precisely as they are.”

I promise you, there is nothing wrong with your vagina. We all smell and taste differently and that’s fine. Your natural scents are nothing to be ashamed of, and should never be the reason you decline oral sex.

If you need more convincing, this article from Cosmopolitan answers some of the questions we’ve all asked ourselves in the past.

2. You’re not used to having all the attention

We all get a bit embarrassed when we’re in the spotlight. Whether that’s opening birthday presents in front of a big crowd, or opening your legs for a slightly smaller crowd… the trick is to not overthink it.

Enjoy the moment and the pleasure your partner is giving you.

Try not to fixate on when you’re going to climax; firstly, that’ll defuse the likelihood of it actually happening, and it will distract you from actually enjoying the experience.

Orgasm isn’t the be all and end all of your sexual experience.

Obviously it’s an added bonus, but enjoy the sensation of your partners tongue around your clitoris, or their lips kissing your inner thigh. That’s just as pleasurable.

Understanding this, and embracing the little things, will help you reach a better, more intense orgasm.

If that doesn’t work, you could always try using your Crescendo at the same time. I guarantee you’ll feel amazing.

3. You’re not taking enough control

Taking control and talking to your partner about what you like isn’t rude.

I speak to so many women who feel bad about stopping their partner from doing something they don’t like. If you don’t like how vigorous he is, or how hard he nibbles, you need to tell him.

There’s nothing worse than bad sex. Oral isn’t about endurance – it’s about pleasure.

Never just ‘put up’ with something because he thinks it feels good. Communicate, and you’ll both become better lovers in the long run.

Don’t be afraid to thrust your hips, angle your vulva around their mouth or even hold their head (as long as they’re into that).

If anything, your partner will find your eagerness to pleasure yourself sexy.

4. You feel awkward giving feedback

Of course you don’t want your sexual partner thinking they did a bad job, and it can be tough voicing your desires, but giving feedback is really beneficial for both of you.

You can’t give yourself oral sex, so it can be difficult to describe how you like it.

You can’t give them a step-by-step guide, but you can give examples of when they did something that felt great.

For example, if you really liked the slow build up, or you enjoyed it when they licked harder or slower or faster, tell them.

You can use this as a way to praise your partner, whilst giving feedback at the same time.

Remember that there’s no need to be silent during sex, so why not try and do this while he’s still down there, that way you have a better chance of having a great time!

 

Guys: if you’re looking for some descriptive advice and techniques, I recommend you read “She Comes First”. I promise it will completely change the way you think about cunnilingus, and maybe even make you quite the connoisseur!

Complete Article HERE!

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Gender Glossary: Understanding ‘Intersex’ Beyond the Binary

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By Harish Iyer

[8] November is designated as the day where we show solidarity and ensure that we educate ourselves about the intersex community. 8 November is the birthday of Herculin Barbin a french intersex person, who was brought up as a girl, but in adulthood discovered that she has a vagina but also a small penis. She thought she was being punished and ended up committing suicide after writing a memoir, which is, a living document of what it meant to be intersex in the mid 1800s.

As a person from the LGBTIQ community, it is important that we address the I in LGBTIQ. To address that, we need to understand what intersex really means. This is because much of our discrimination is borne out of misinformation or lack of knowledge. In a world where we view everything in binaries, to let people know that there are sexes beyond male and female would need an open mind. But do we understand the binaries well either?

Did You Know: Bisexuals are capable of having romantic feelings with people regardless of gender.

Before we even get to intersex, it is important to understand the difference between sex, gender and sexuality. Let me try simplifying this with the least amount of jargon.

Speaking of sex, I remember the joke way back in school, where we used to giggle whenever we saw “sex” written in any form as we thought the response should be “2 times in a day”. But sex in every context is not the act of sexual intercourse. The most easy and explicit way that I could explain is that sex is between your legs, it is determined by the presence or absence of an organ like a penis or vagina. If you have a penis you get classified as male, if you have a vagina you get classified as female.

Gender is a social construct. It is in your mind and heart and is not determined by the presence or absence of a body organ. One could be a female and identify as female, or be a male and identify as a male. However, you could also be a male (with a penis) but identify as a female, or be a female (with a vagina) and identify as a male. What you identify as, is what we call – “gender identity”.  It is also known as “transgender”.

Segregation of gender would directly detriment a culture of empathy and mutual respect.

Also, when we say gender is a social construct, it could mean that it may take time for people to realise their gender expression. Because of the fact that the society puts people in specific gender roles, it becomes difficult for people to express that they actually are a man but from within they feel they are a woman or the vice versa. It could mean that they wish to identify as gender-queer or transgender.

Like, I am a male and till a few years back I thought my gender was male. But I am realising that my gender expression is more feminine, which could mean that I could identify as gender-queer in coming years.

The bottom-line is that my gender is what I tell you my gender is. My gender is not what you think my gender is.

One could go on and on about gender, sex and sexuality. Now that we have some basic knowledge about sex and gender. Let us understand intersex.

One could go on and on about gender, sex and sexuality. Now that we have some basic knowledge about sex and gender. Let us understand intersex.

Intersex persons are people who are born with a sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit into definitions of sex of male or female in terms of anatomy. A person may be born with a penis and with a depression that leads to a labia. Or a person could be born with a vagina and may have a small penis.

It is rude and incorrect to classify intersex persons as “in-betweens” or “abnormal” people. It is however not rude to state that intersex persons are different.

There is a huge confusion among most people about intersex persons and hijras. Hijras are a community of transgender persons who live together and have their own social and religious practices. They are mainly male persons who have a female gender expression. They may or may not have undergone a sexual re-assignment surgery to align their sex with the gender that they identify with. Hijras could be intersex people too. However, all intersex people are not Hijras.

There is a myth that hijras pick up children with ambiguous gender when they come to bless newborns. In a world where the girl child is drowned and killed at birth, it is not hard to imagine that a child with ambiguous gender is despised and also killed in some cases. Hijras are believed to offer to adopt such children. There is very little research on this. Much of these are myths propagated by folklore and incredibly stupid television serials who’re feeding on such myths and increasing the confusion between our understanding of intersex persons and hijras.

How do you identify if a person is intersex? You will not be able to tell. And you don’t need to identify them. They will tell you if they feel like telling you. It is polite to ask everyone what gender pronoun they would prefer and address them that way.

Didn’t I say, gender is something that people tell you? It is not just he/she or him/her, some could say that they prefer a collective pronoun “they or their” or “ze or hir” as gender neutral pronouns. So the pronouns in short are he/she/ze/ they or him/her/hir/their. Ask, don’t assume such things.

There are very few people in India who are intersex and openly identify as one.  One of my friends, Gopi Shankar is an intersex person who founded an organisation called Srushti Madurai. I used to always refer to Gopi as “he” as his gender expression, I assumed is Male and so did many journalists. Until recently when I discovered that he is intersex and prefers pronoun “ze”.

Ze contested elections in the Tamil Nadu Legistlative assembly in 2016 and has also won a lot of awards and accolades for hir work in the domain of gender and sexuality especially in Madurai, Tamil Nadu.

Complete Article HERE!

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Does Smoking Pot Lead To More Sex?

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In every group the researchers studied, the more marijuana people smoked the more sex they reported having.

By Angus Chen

Tobacco companies put a lot of effort into giving cigarettes sex appeal, but the more sensual smoke might actually belong to marijuana.

Some users have said pot is a natural aphrodisiac, despite scientific literature turning up mixed results on the subject.

At the very least, a study published Friday in the Journal of Sexual Medicine suggests that people who smoke more weed are having more sex than those who smoke less or abstain. But whether it’s cause or effect isn’t clear.

The researchers pulled together data from roughly 50,000 people who participated in an annual Centers for Disease Control and Prevention survey during various years between 2002 and 2015. “We reported how often they smoke — monthly, weekly or daily — and how many times they’ve had sex in the last month,” says Dr. Michael Eisenberg, a urologist at Stanford University Medical Center and the senior author on the study. “What we found was compared to never-users, those who reported daily use had about 20 percent more sex. So over the course of a year, they’re having sex maybe 20 more times.”

Women who consumed marijuana daily had sex 7.1 times a month, on average; for men, it was 6.9 times. Women who didn’t use marijuana at all had sex 6 times a month, on average, while men who didn’t use marijuana had sex an average of 5.6 times a month.

When the researchers considered other potentially confounding factors, such as alcohol or cocaine use, age, religion or having children, the association between more marijuana and more sex held, Eisenberg says. “It was pretty much every group we studied, this pattern persisted,” he says. The more marijuana people smoked, the more they seemed to be having sex.

Now, that association doesn’t necessarily mean the weed is responsible for the heightened sex drive, says Mitch Earleywine, a psychologist at the University at Albany who has studied cannabis and sex but wasn’t involved in this work. “In some surveys, we saw that people [who used cannabis] did have sex more, but it seemed to be mediated by this personality type that’s willing to try new things or look for thrills,” he says. In other words, it seems that people who like to smoke weed may have other character traits that lead them to be lustier.

Or maybe it really is the weed. “It’s possible it makes men or women more interested in sex,” Eisenberg says. In one study, researchers found they were able to induce sexual behavior by injecting a cannabinoid, the class of psychoactive compounds in marijuana, into rats. But people aren’t rats, of course.

Another study published in 2012 found that women became more aroused when watching erotic films when they had cannabinoids in their system. But that might just be because weed seems to heighten sensory experiences overall. “It gets people to appreciate the moment more anyway,” psychologist Earleywine says. “They like food more, find humor in things more easily, so it wouldn’t be stunning to think they would enjoy sex more.”

Whatever the connection, Eisenberg says his results leads him to think that pot, unlike tobacco which can depress libido and performance, isn’t going to take the steam out of one’s sex drive. “One question my patients always have is will smoking marijuana frequently negatively impact my sexual function?” Eisenberg says. “We don’t want people to smoke to improve sexual function, but it probably doesn’t hurt things.”

Not everyone agrees with that conclusion. “It’s a lot of stretch here,” says Dr. Rany Shamloul, a researcher at Ottawa Hospital in Canada who focuses on sexual health and function. He didn’t work on the latest study. In an odd Catch-22, Shamloul says that recent research suggests cannabis might actually make it harder for a man’s penis to become erect, even if weed might turn people on. “Recent studies have shown cannabinoid receptors in the penis itself, and experiments in the lab show an inhibitory response,” he says. “There was basically a mixed result. Cannabis might increase [sexual arousal] frequency in the brain, but also decrease erectile function in the penis.”

There is another issue that may throw cold water on cannabis’ potential as a love enabler. A frequent side effect of marijuana is a dry mouth, and University at Albany’s Earleywine points out that one’s mouth might not be the only thing turning arid. “Drying of the mucus membranes is a pretty consistent effect of the plant. Women should keep that in mind when considering cannabis as a sexual aid. I know that some products have THC or cannabinoids in a lubricant, but I haven’t seen any actual data on that,” he says.

Stanford’s Eisenberg says his study doesn’t prove the idea that marijuana is getting people into the sack, though he says that is a possibility. There’s really only one conclusion he can safely draw from the work: Cannabis users are doing it more.

Complete Article HERE!

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