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What’s that you say?

Name: Scott
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: Kansas
I am a 20-year-old virgin who has never even had phone or cybersex. The reason for this is that when I am complimented in a sexual or sensual manner, for example “your voice is sexy” or “your intelligence is a major turn on” or even something as simple as “you’re cute or adorable or whatever” I get aroused but I also have a very negative reaction. I have a cold, sinking feeling in my stomach. I become slightly dizzy and even occasionally nauseous. I’ve been having these reactions since the 7th grade, which was the first time I was propositioned. When I find the woman of my dreams I want to be able to satisfy her every want and need, but I won’t be able to if I continue to have these reactions. Can you help me get rid of this or at least give me an idea of where it comes from or what is causing it?

Sounds to me, pup, like you got yourself a bad case of sexphobia; an irrational fear of sex. This is classic: “I am aroused but I also have a very negative reaction. I have a cold, sinking feeling in my stomach. I become slightly dizzy and even occasionally nauseous.” You should also know that phobias aren’t particularly uncommon.

sex-phobia-1There’s probably a good reason why you’re experiencing this phobia. If you and I were working together I’d want to take a look at the incident you report happened to you in the 7th grade. You said you were propositioned. What does that mean exactly? You were 12 and someone came on to you? A peer? Someone older? Was it someone inappropriate; a family member, a clergy person, a teacher? Why did you have such a negative response?

That being said, getting over a phobia, of whatever kind — fear of flying, snakes, spiders, public speaking, or sex — can be accomplished without dredging up the past. Here’s how you might begin:

  • Identify the specifics of your fear as they play themselves out in your life now. What precisely frightens you about sex and/or intimacy?
  • Create a plan to take the edge off your fear in small incremental steps. For example, start out with holding hands, move to embracing, then kissing. What behaviors push the panic button for you?
  • Address each and every thing that hampers your progress. For example, why does kissing push your buttons while holding hands and/or cuddling don’t?
  • Be firm in your resolve to push past your discomfort and stretch your limits. Sinking to the lowest common denominator will not do.
  • Address the emotional response you have to each aspect of your phobia before moving on to the next one. Build on your successes.

This is kinda hard to do on one’s own, but it’s not impossible. There are loads of books and programs on the market that can help an individual move through a phobia. You might want to do an online search, look for something like: overcoming a phobia.

Some people have success with visualization techniques, for others hypnotherapy works. Basically, it’s simply a matter of desensitization — defusing the feared thing, and doing it incrementally.

Good luck

Name: Afeisha
Gender: Female
Age: 21
Location: Pennsylvania
I usually have orgasms when I masturbate, but when I’m having sex with my partner it’s so hard to arrive at an orgasm, even when the sex is great?

Women suffer from performance anxiety too, ya know.

While performance anxiety is mostly talked about in terms of men and their erection problems, guys don’t have a monopoly on this annoying issue.No-Genitals

I’d be willing to guess that you, my dear, have got some performance anxiety goin’ on yourself, possibly even big time. Sad to say, this difficulty often plagues younger women the most. Young women tend to have less self-esteem. And if they are new to sex, they may feel like they don’t know what they are doing, which can be both disturbing and distracting. On the other hand, if a young woman is not a sexual novice and she appears too knowledgeable about sex, she runs the risk of being labeled a slut. So basically, young women can’t win for losing. It’s friggin’ regrettable, but there ya have it.

So let’s see if we can get to the bottom of this, as it were. Let me ask you a few questions. First and foremost, where is your mind when you are having sex with a partner? Is it on the pleasure you are giving and receiving? Or is it, like so many people, on something other than the pleasurable sensations?

  • If your mind is busy with how you look, or how you smell, or if you are wondering if that birthmark is too obvious. Or if you’re worried about how accomplished you are at performing a particular sex act, or if you’re concerned about your partner feelings for you. Then you may have performance anxiety.
  • If you’re anxious about what your partner is thinking of you; or if he/she is turned on by you; or loves you; or is just bangin’ away at you like a slab of beef. Then you may have performance anxiety.
  • If you’re afraid to let go and have a screamin’ meme of an orgasm, because it might not look lady-like; or you’re not sure you can trust the person who’s bumpin’ you enough to just relax and enjoy the ride. Then you may have performance anxiety.

This being said, performance anxiety is only one explanation for the problem you experience in partnered sex. Many women report that their partnered sex is not as satisfying as their solo sex, because they’re not able to stimulate themselves in the same fashion in partnered sex as you do when they’re jillin’ off on their own. If you are self-conscious about showing your partner the particulars of gettin yourself off, or too intimidated to incorporate a vibrator in your love making, you might not be getting the kind of stimulation you need when you need it. Thus you might be aroused, but not to the point of lettin’ one loose…if ya catch my drift.

Finally, one of the easiest solutions to this problem is to simply have a frank discussion with your partner(s) about what gets you off before the fuck-fest begins. That will clear the air of unnecessary anticipation and you both will be able to relax more into the event itself, rather than being distracted by the externals.

Good luck

More SEX WISDOM With Yvonne Fulbright — Podcast #390 — 09/18/13


Hey sex fans! Welcome back.Yvonne Kr

That internationally famous sexologist, sex educator, author, relationship expert, advice columnist, and television and radio personality Dr. Yvonne Fulbright is back with us today for Part 2 of her turn on the SEX WISDOM show. And that means I get to ask her all the questions I didn’t get to last week. So yay for that!

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this show, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #389 and Voilà! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Yvonne and I discuss:

  • Sex coach/sex therapy;
  • Sexual performance concerns for women — preorgasmia;
  • Performance anxiety;
  • Sexual performance concerns for men — premature ejaculation;
  • Masturbation and self-pleasuring;
  • Expanding our sexual repertoire;
  • Sex trends — circumcision;
  • Erection enhancers;
  • The G-spot debate;
  • Sex play;
  • Who inspires her and her sexual heroes.

Yvonne invites you to visit her on her site HERE! Her Sensual Fusion site HERE! Her Facebook page HERE! And her twitter feed HERE!

Click on the book covers below for more information about Yvonne’s books.

YOP cover TMT cover SwEx cover hi res Pleasuring cover HGS cover

 

 

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: SPUNK Lube.

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Down, but not out

Name: Roger
Gender: Male
Age: 70s
Location: Saugatuck Michigan
Hi– linked to your very interesting site via Allkink. My question: last year I underwent radiation on my prostate; it was enlarged and had cancer cells. Apparently it did the job, since my PSA is way down and the Dr. says I’ve shrunk, and am healthy otherwise. But since then I am almost totally impotent (don’t get erect when I want to, though sometimes get semi-erect at random times). I can still orgasm, but don’t ejaculate; sometimes a little clear fluid dribbles out afterwards. Curiously, I could still ejaculate during and right after the radiation treatments, but not now. Also in general a noticeable decrease in libido. Needless to say, very annoying.

I’m gay, solo, in my 70s, celibate since mid-1980s when I tested HIV-, and a dedicated bottom. I knew I was at risk, and “safe-sex” just didn’t turn me on. I’ve been using dildos of all sizes for years. Now, insertion has become a little painful (kinda stings, like the first times way back when), but after several tries they go in OK. Those of larger girth or not-very-smooth texture are really difficult, and I’ve pretty much given up on them (though “John Holmes” still works!). There is occasionally a little blood on the dildo afterwards, but bleeding doesn’t persist, and Dr. says I have no hemorrhoid. The radiologist did warn me that the treatment might produce scar tissue in the colon. Is that a possibility?

I hate to think that I ought to give up altogether on my little pleasures, but would welcome you advice/opinion. I haven’t discussed this with my urologist, whom I don’t know very well, but did bring it up with my (female) GP, who didn’t seem overly concerned and merely suggested lots of lube, which was not news to me.PMB110

Wow, Roger, that was a mouthful. I am so delighted that you wrote in. I love hearing from folks in their 60’s 70’s and 80’s who are still enjoying a rich and fulfilling sex life, even if it is by themselves. I am of the mind that self-pleasuring can be some of the most rewarding sex available to a person at any age. And nowadays, with all the amazing sex toys on the market, one can enjoy solitary sexual pleasure like never before.

I’ve written and spoken a lot about prostate issues including the aftermath of cancer treatments. May I suggest that you take a look at the CATEGORY section on the sidebar of my site? There you will find a category labeled “Health Concerns.” There are subcategories for “Anal Fissures,”  and one for “Prostatectomy.”  I realize that you haven’t had a radical prostatectomy, but your situation is very similar to those men who have. If you click on either of those two subcategories you will find loads of useful information in both written and podcasts form.

In the meantime, let me see if I can address some of your questions in a nutshell. You ask about possible scar tissue from radiation therapy. The short answer is; yes, scar tissue is possible, even probable. And as we all know scar tissue is not nearly as pliable as regular tissue. Scar tissue also MR01034has fewer nerve ending than normal tissue. You could be injuring yourself without even knowing it since the sensations in your ass are considerably less then they once were. I’d be willing to guess that this might be the source of the bleeding you report. Maybe you need to retire the really big toys, like the John Holmes, and enjoy something more modest for the time being. Another suggestion is to try an inflatable dildo.  or a smaller insertable that vibrates.  There are several on the market. You can find several in My Stockroom. The advantage to something like the inflatable dildo is that you could insert something relatively narrow  and inflate to a larger size once inside. This would avoid ramming a big dildo in bum from the get go. And a vibrating insertable would add stimulation without the length or girth.E477

As to your erection issues; yeah, I hear ya. Aging alone will take its toll on the hydraulics that give us wood. When you couple that with the trauma of invasive surgery and/or radiation therapy, well it’s no wonder stiffies elude us. I tell the men that I see in my private practice, who are similarly challenged as you, to use a cock ring  to assist in getting the best boner possible under the circumstances. A penis pump works pretty well too, if you want to go the distance.  I have lots more to say about these devices if you care to hear about it.

C923Also, several men I know with erection concerns are taking a cue from the women folk and employing a vibrator in their sex play. There are the insertable kind, as I’ve already mentioned, and there are external ones too. Have you given this option a thought? The extra stimulation a vibrator can produce will increase blood flow and thus a more substantial boner. I have a whole lot more to say about this too if you care to write to me for that information.

In the end, it will be desire that will continue to propel you to further enjoy yourself and the pleasures your body has to offer. I wish you continued lust and many more years of healthy and life-affirming sexuality.

Good luck

SEX WISDOM With Yvonne Fulbright — Podcast #389 — 09/11/13


Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

Guess what? It’s my birthday today! So, ya wanna know how old I am? I’ll give you a hint. Remember the old Beatles tune the begins…yvonne head shot

When I get older losing my hair,
Many years from now.
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine.

Yep, pretty freakin’ old, hun?

So I know what you’re thinking; hey Dr Dick, why are you working on such an auspicious occasion? The answer is simple. There’s no rest for the wicked! Oh, and I have an amazing guest who is here as part of the SEX WISDOM series. I am proud to welcome a remarkable woman who is a powerhouse in the field of human sexuality. My guest today is internationally famous sexologist, sex educator, author, relationship expert, advice columnist, and television and radio personality Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright.

Yvonne and I discuss:

  • Being a multimedia sex guru;
  • Her background and early interest in human sexuality;
  • Parent/child sex communication;
  • Sensual Fusion;
  • Holistic and body-centric sex education;
  • Owning our eroticism and sharing that with a partner;
  • Role models and intimate relationships;
  • Sex toys and health concerns;
  • Pornography and erotica;
  • Sex, sexuality, and gender.

 

Yvonne invites you to visit her on her site HERE! Her Sensual Fusion site HERE! Her Facebook page HERE! And her twitter feed HERE!

Click on the book covers below for more information about Yvonne’s books.

YOP cover     TMT cover     SwEx cover hi res     Pleasuring cover     HGS cover

 

 

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: SPUNK Lube.

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Bottoms UP!

Name: Chris
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Location: San Francisco
Dr. Dick- Wow, may I say this is a fantastic site. It is good to see sex as an open topic and that its not only an allowable activity, it is a good activity to take part in. I’m 23, gay, and living in beautiful San Francisco (the perfect place for a 23 year old gay boy to be!), and your tutorials have taken my blowjob and power bottoming skills from that was good to wow lets do that again!

If I may make one suggestion: in the Liberating the Big Old Bottom Within guide, I personally recommend that anyone who wants to bottom get to know the fiber aisle at the grocery/drug store. I find that it helps to keep things squeaky clean longer.

But the question I had was about orgasms while bottoming. Is there any technique that you know of that would help me reach orgasm while bottoming without having to touch myself. I almost reached that point last night while experimenting with some new moves in the sac … but I was wondering if there were any, er, exercises I could do on my own to reach there with my partners (playing safely of course).

Yes, you may say this is a fantastic site. You can say that over and over if you like. All kidding aside, thank you for your very kind words.

grab assAnd I’m hoping you are enjoying the site’s new look. While our logo remains the same, I recently reconfigured the pages. Of particular note, is the Podcast Archive drop-down menu. Now you can go directly to each of my four podcast series: The Erotic Mind, SEX WISDOM, Sex EDGE-U-cation, Play With It shows. The Q&A shows are lumped under the general heading, Podcast.

As before, the toy reviews tab takes you to adult product review site. The Video Library tab takes you to Dr Dick How To Video Library, just as it always has. And the About Dr Dick page is also a drop-down menu, which contains the contact page, the Got A Sex Question page, the Therapy Available page and The Buzz page.

Sadly, I had to deactivate the Lick-A-Dee-Split sex advice podcast VOICEMAIL HOTLINE. It was underused and it was very expensive.

You will also notice that the site’s sidebar has been cleaned up considerably. The clutter is gone and I think it looks really nice as is. So ya’ll, go take a look and see what you think. Send me your comments after you’ve had an opportunity to look around.

Ya know, Chris, I was just about your age when I moved to the Bay Area. I finished my undergraduate degree in the spring of 1972 in Washington, DC. Later that year I moved to Oakland to begin my graduate work in Berkeley. I remember thinking to myself back then, OMG, I’ve fallen into a pot of jam. Leaving a very conservative school in the nation’s capitol, I found myself, almost immediately, on the other end of the political spectrum on the other side of the country. The world began to open for me. Berkeley was magical and my life changed immediately for the better.

In 1978, at the age of 28, I moved to San Francisco to begin work on my doctorate. It was like a dream come true. While I was living in Oakland, I would cross the bay bridge several times a week just to soak up San Francisco’s uniqueness. I used to think as I crossed the bridge and approached the city. My god, what a beautiful site! While I thought Oakland was great, I was happy not to have to commute any longer. To finally reside in the city I loved so much felt like I had died and gone to heaven.pegging147

The 70’s and early 80’s were the halcyon days of my youth. Oh to be young and gay and to live in San Francisco at that time. I wouldn’t exchange that experience for all the tea in china. I decided way back then that I would open myself to as many life-expanding experiences as presented themselves. For the most part, I was served very well by this philosophy. Of course, there were plenty of unsavory experiences that I would never want to relive, but even they were full to the brim with helpful information about me, my sexuality, my growing eroticism, as well as and the rest of the world around me. As I look back I have no regrets and lots of very happy memories.

I thought I would reside in the jewel by the bay for as long as I lived. I had surely found home. But as fate would have it, that didn’t happen. I left San Francisco for Seattle in 1999, after nearly 30 years in that amazing place. Now I look back fondly on that transformative time. The life lessons I leaned there continue to serve me well even now. I am immeasurably richer for the time I lived and loved there.

Boy, that got me way off message, huh? Sorry about that. It’s just that your email got me to reminiscing about being young and gay and living in San Francisco.

OK, on to your concerns. First, let me ask you to add your thoughts on the importance of fiber intake for the aspiring BOB (Big Old Bottom) in the comments section of that very posting. Would you do that for me? As much as I appreciate you offering your pearls of wisdom to me, I think all of our audience would benefit. Don’t you agree? The beauty part of a site like this is the cumulative knowledge and insight of all who visit there. I can’t do this all on my own, don’t cha know!  And remember, butt fuckin’ ain’t just for the gays anymore.  Straight men are discovering the joys of their prostate too.

I have a lot to say to your question about prostate orgasms while bottoming. And I would like to begin by saying that, while prostate orgasms are possible for some of us, not all of us will ever experience one. I’m not sure one can actually train himself to have one of these illusive orgasms at will. But what I can say for sure is, that this will never happen unless one is fully prostate aware.

daddy's boysHow does a fella become fully prostate aware, you might ask. Good question. I suppose that would start with an intimate familiarity with your anatomy. Do you know how you are put together “down there?” You sound like a clever lad, so maybe you are. If you’re not, my site has lots of important information. Look for Male Reproductive System in the CATEGORY section of the sidebar.  It falls under the main category — Sex Therapy.

Knowing and loving your prostate is the next step in this process. Prostate massage is where you will begin. You can do this with your fingers, a dildo, or a specialized “tool” like one of the prostate massagers that you can find at drdicksextoyreviews.com. Use the CATEGORY drop-down menu in the sidebar that site. Look for Prostate Massage, and presto!

There’s one final thing you’ll need to master and that is Kegel exercises. If you are unfamiliar with these and/or why you need to practice these exercises, you can read and/or listen to all the posting — written and podcast, I’ve made about this very important regimen. Just look for Kegels in the CATEGORY drop-down menu in the sidebar of drdicksexadvice.com. You will find this subcategory under the main category — Sex Therapy.

I’d be very interested in hearing from you again. I’d like to know how you are cuming along in your quest for the illusive hands-free orgasm. And don’t forget to use the comments section on any of the postings. I want you to share your insights with all of us.

Good luck

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