Search Results: Orgasm

You are browsing the search results for orgasm

4 Stupid Female Masturbation Myths We Wish Would Disappear

FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrShare

By Coleen Singer

Women may be more empowered about their sexuality than ever before, but there are still a few myths about female masturbation that just won’t die.

Masturbation Myths

I still don’t understand why female masturbation is still shrouded by so much misinformation. We live in the age of information. Women are more empowered about their own sexuality than ever before. Yet, without fail, most TV shows and movies portray female masturbation as some mythical thing, one that often involves ridiculously impractical rituals that most women just don’t have time for. We need to clear this right up. I know that writing just one article isn’t going to magically remove the misinformation, but we have to start somewhere, right? Here area few incorrect assumptions I often see in the media and daily life about female masturbation.

We Make a “Night” Out of It

The biggest misinformation I see in the media is that when women masturbate we do shit like light candles, wear sexy things, maybe have a bath – you know make a “night” out of it.

What?! This is certainly worth doing, but it isn’t routine for any woman I know – nobody has time for that! Plus, women are perfectly capable of masturbating without any fanfare: before we sleep, when we wake up, because we’re bored, as a quickie before we leave the house. You know, just like men. The best part is that many of us can do it multiple times in a row, because multiple orgasms.

It’s a Performance

Judging from porn, TV, and movies, every time a woman masturbates, she’s all hot and bothered, gasping for breath, boobs heaving, and when she cums she throws her head back and moans before finally collapsing in an ecstatic heap.

Uh…. no. Masturbation can be really uneventful. It can even be downright ugly. Our faces screw up as we concentrate because we need to in order to climax. Sometimes we’re watching porn. Sometimes we’re just using our imagination. Yet, the media portrays female masturbation as a way to evoke desire in others. Even when we’re all alone and pleasuring ourselves, it’s apparently still supposed to be a performance.

In many cases, women take care of business without sexy lingerie, perfectly tousled hair or even audible moans of pleasure. And that’s OK. It’s what’s happening on the inside that counts.

It’s for a Certain Kind of Girl

I once had a guy tell me that his girlfriend doesn’t masturbate because she’s not a slutty girl. There is so much wrong with this statement that I don’t even know where to begin. First of all, it requires the assumption that most women don’t masturbate (not true). The idea that only slutty women masturbate stems from how female masturbation is often portrayed – as something performative and for the pleasure of others. Dead wrong. The majority of women masturbate. They do it the way they want to and they do it for themselves. It’s healthy and normal, and it says nothing about the kind of people they are.

It’s a Feminist Thing

On the flip side, masturbation has been used by well-meaning feminists as a way to take control of how we feel about our bodies. That’s all well and good, but really, it’s just masturbation. We should be able to do it without having it attached to some kind of political statement. No one is telling men to whack off to feel better about their bodies. The same should go for women. While I’m grateful that we can now talk about our sexuality and explore it more, when I’m touching myself, all I want are my fantasies and to feel good.

Hopefully we start changing these perceptions of women’s sexuality so that women can just have sex and masturbate without any assumptions or judgments.

Complete Article HERE!

But to be young was very heaven!

This is the first time I’ve asked a question and my boyfriend said this is a great place to go, soo here goes…
I recently went off of the anti-depressant medication Lexapro, and what’s fantastic about it is that my sex drive has gone way up. The downfall is since I started that, it’s hard for me to get hard and to come. Now that I am off of the medication, I can come easier and everything feels better and my boyfriend is happy, but it’s still really hard to get hard and stay hard. My boyfriend says he doesn’t mind when I know he does, and it is a really big hit on my confidence and self-esteem. Here’s the kicker, I am a 17-year-old teenage boy.
Is this permanent? Will it, in the future, be easier to get and stay hard the longer I am off the medication? I don’t know if this is normal or not, but I remember before having absolutely no problems. Help? Thank you so much!!
-Very Shy

Well, Very Shy, what I can say for certain is that anti-depressants, as well as a host of other commonly prescribed medications, and even some over the counter meds, can and do have a major impact on a person’s sexual response cycle. Let me begin by asking you; how familiar are you with the concept of a sexual response cycle?

Considering your youth, you may have not heard of it at all. So ok, here’s the 411 on that. We all have a sexual response cycle, each person’s is unique, but everyone’s follows a similar pattern of phases.

sexual response cycle

Phase 1: Excitement — this phase, which can last from a few minutes to several hours, includes the following:

  • Muscle tension increases.
  • Heart rate quickens and breathing accelerates.
  • Skin may become flushed.
  • Nipples become harden or erect.
  • Blood flow to the genitals increases, which swells a woman’s clitoris and labia minora (inner lips), and a guy’s cock bones up.
  • Vaginal lubrication begins.
  • A woman’s breasts become fuller and her vaginal walls begin to swell.
  • The man’s balls swell, his scrotum tightens, and he begins secreting precum.

Phase 2: Plateau — this phase, which extends to the brink of orgasm, includes the following:

  • The changes begun in phase 1 intensify.
  • A woman’s vagina continues to swell from increased blood flow, and her vaginal walls turn a dark purple.
  • Her clitoris becomes highly sensitive and retracts under her clitoral hood.
  • A guy’s nuts further withdraw up into his scrotum.
  • Breathing, heart rate and blood pressure continue to rise.
  • Muscle tension increases.
  • Muscle spasms may begin in one’s feet, face and hands.

Phase 3: Orgasm — this is the climax of the sexual response cycle and it generally lasts only a few seconds. It includes the following:

  • Involuntary muscle contractions begin.
  • Blood pressure, heart rate and breathing are at their highest rates, with a rapid intake of oxygen.
  • Muscles in the feet spasm.
  • There is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension.
  • A women’s vagina contracts. She may experience rhythmic contractions in her uterus.
  • The muscles at the base of a guy’s dick will rhythmically contract resulting in an ejaculation of his jizz.
  • A sex flush may appear over one’s body.

Phase 4: Resolution

  • The body slowly returns to its normal level of functioning, and swelled and erect body parts return to their previous size and color.
  • There’s a general sense of well-being, enhanced intimacy and, often, fatigue. Women are capable of rapidly returning to the orgasm phase with further sexual stimulation and can experience multiple orgasms.
  • Us men folk need recovery time after our orgasm. This is called a refractory period, during which we cannot reach orgasm again. The duration of the refractory period varies among men and changes with age.

With that behind us, I can turn my attention to your specific questions. At any point in this cycle there can be an interruption or break down. Like I said at the outset, some pharmaceuticals, as well as lots of over the counter remedies, can and do impede our sexual response.

You don’t mention how long you’ve been off the Lexapro, but I’ll wager it’s not long enough for it to have completely cleared your system. In that case, a little patience with yourself and perhaps a sense of humor about the whole thing will be the best therapy for you. I suspect that you will regain your sexual footing in time. However, a cockring may help you gain and retain an erection till that happens.

Good luck

The SUPER Kinky Sex Act Your Man Is Scared To Tell You He’s Into

By Dawn Michael

Wow! It’s the second highest heterosexual porn search term.

You’ve heard the term “cuckold” and know it’s “kinky”… but what is it really? How does it work? And most importantly … is it for you?

cuckold-1

Sex counselors and sex coaches, like me, are knowledgeable about the practice to some degree. My job as a Clinical Sexologist and Intimacy Counselor is writing educational articles that help enlighten the public about sexuality in all of its forms. Cuckolding is just one of the many kinks people have but do not fully understand.

So, I’m here to answer your curious questions about this kinky ancient marriage practice:

Q. A cuckold marriage … what exactly is it?

I describe cuckolding as a marriage where the husband derives sexual pleasure from watching his wife have sex with a man who has a larger penis.

The couple forms an agreement in their marriage allowing the act of cuckold, which can vary in degree from role play for some couples to an lifestyle of actual cuckolding (the wife engages with sex with other men in front of her husband). This knowledge and tolerance of the wife’s activities with other men makes the husband in such relationships a “wittol,” properly speaking.

Q. Where did the term cuckold come from?

The female equivalent “cuckquean” first appears in English literature in 1562. Cuckold refers to the fact that the man being cuckolded is the last to know about his wife’s infidelity.

This also refers to a tradition claiming that in villages of European time, the community would gather to collectively humiliate a man whose wife gave birth to a child that was not his own. This is where the humiliation aspect of cuckolding first came into play. According to this legend, a parade was held in which they forced the hapless husband into wearing antlers on his head as a symbol of his wife’s infidelity.

Q. What actually happens in a cuckold relationship?

In modern cuckolding, the husband watches his wife engage in sexual activity with other men either right in front of him, or she tells him about her experiences after. The husband feeling like a victim of the cuckold is a major element of the kink.

In the fetish cuckolding subculture, the female is typically sexually dominant while the man takes on a submissive role, only becoming involved with her or her lover when the wife permits it — sometimes he remains completely celibate in the marriage altogether. A main ingredient in cuckolding marriages is humiliation and denying the husband sexual release until his wife decides to allow him to climax. In some marriages, the husband may even wear a male chastity, further allowing his wife control over his orgasm.

Part of the sex play is also the comparison of penis size and the wife shaming her husband for not having a large enough penis to give her full enjoyment of penetration. For this reason, many men in the fantasy of cuckold consider a black man dominant.

Q. Is cuckolding the same as swinging or having an open marriage?

Often people confuse cuckolding with swinging or polyamory, but cuckold is different in that the husband is loved by his wife only. He allows her to experience pleasure with another man. But, he does not want her to fall in love with the other men, only just receive pleasure from them.

Q. Is “shame” the only way the wife makes the man submissive to her?

Sometimes submission elevates through the wife using domination or bondage paraphernalia to tie her spouse up and spank, paddle, or flog him as way of “punishment” or shaming for not fulfilling her sexual desires. This can occur just as sexual role play in the couple’s life, or it can become a way of life for the couple depending on the degree of cuckolding in the marriage.

Q. Is the desire for cuckolding common (and is it normal)? 

Cuckolding has been around for centuries and retains its popularity today. In fact, neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam found (after analyzing the contents a billion online search terms) that “cuckold porn” is second only to “youth” in heterosexual porn searches. (Although, it’s important to note that what you typically see depicted in pornography does not explain the psychological aspect of cuckolding.)

In other words —a man wanting to feel submissive to his wife and have her shame him, but he lives in fear of anyone knowing, is not as uncommon as we may think.

One of the main questions I get asked by men is, “How do I tell my wife I want this? And if she does agree, where do I find a person to start the cuckolding with?” As with any new adventure that a married couple takes with sex play, this should all begin slowly and with respect for each other.

Complete Article HERE!

New At This?

Name: Sita
Gender: female
Age: 19
Location: Delhi
Hi!
I came to know u through the net. I am from India and I am 19 years old. I am married for the past one year and I have a problem. Myself and my husband had sexual relationship which meant only breaking of the hymen but whenever he tries to insert it I cry out of pain and stop him from it. I really do not know how to overcome this problem. Kindly help me please.

The two most likely reasons for this painful fucking are: 1) you’re not aroused enough before the fucking begins, or 2) you have a physical condition that might make fucking painful, even if you are aroused.

I’d be willing to bet that, in your case, Sita, the first reason is the more likely cause of your discomfort. This is often the case with young people having their first go at sex. One can hardly fault them, both women and men in our culture as well as the women and men in yours are not particularly informed about their own sexual response cycle, much less the sexual response cycle of their partners.

Young women new to sex, may not have time to come to full arousal before their man starts trying to shove “it” in. A woman, particularly one who is new to fucking, must come to full arousal before her partner attempts penetration. A man, on the other hand, needs only to have a stiff dick. And if the young men in your country are anything like the young men here in the good old US of A, they pretty much have a hardon 24 hours a day. This obviously makes them ready and eager for the old in and out long before their female partners are ready and eager for the same. If your husband is guilty of this, and I’d bet my last rupee that he is, your body will resist him, even if you want to make a go of it.

I’d also be willing to bet that your culture, like ours, doesn’t value a woman’s sexuality or pleasure as much as it values a man’s sexuality and pleasure. If that’s the case, you’re gonna have to struggle against those cultural forces to gain your rightful place as an equal sex partner in your marriage.

jillin off

Start by being well informed about your own sexual response cycle. If you don’t know what turns your crank, don’t expect your hubby to know what to do.

My first question to you is: are you orgasmic? If not, there’s a whole lot of remedial sex learning for you to do on your own. If you resist doing this, for whatever reason — women are not supposed to do that, blah, blah, blah —you can say good by to ever enjoying sex with your man.

Once you figure out how your body work, it’s gonna be your responsibility to instruct your husband on the subtleties and points of interest of your particular pussy. Touch is very important to most women: often a woman will want to be touched and caressed all over, not just on the sexually charged points of her body like her tits and clit. Take your husband on a little touch tour of your body. Literally, take him by the hand and touch yourself with his fingers. Show him the kind of touch you like in the places you like to be touched. Take your time with this. I can guarantee he’s not gonna get it the first time out.

With your help he’s gonna be able to see your arousal build. He should be encouraged to use his lips and mouth as well as his hands. Make your man work for his bone, darling. If you let him just pounce on you like a sack of rice, that’s how he’s gonna respond to you. If you want him to behave like a lover rather than a conqueror, then you’re gonna have to demand that of him.

If you’re not fully aroused, your pussy will be dry. Use a lubricant to make yourself slippery and to facilitate penetration. If you can’t get commercial lube, cooking oil or saliva is better than nothing at all.

more lube

If you follow these simple steps, Sita, you will have greater success with your fucking. You will experience great pleasure and be a fount of great pleasure for your husband. In the end, it is you who must take the lead in this. Know your own body, so you can give teach your husband about it. Then insist that he must respect and use that information.

Good luck

My Complicated Relationship With Religion and Sex

By

Religion and Sex

Religion and sex have been intertwined for thousands of years. Religion often inspires guilt about sex. That guilt needs to go away.

I was raised Christian, which involved Catholic school, Baptist church and consecutive nights at Bible study. The recurring message throughout all of the teachings was that sex is wrong, wrong, wrong – unless you’re married.

When I’ve written before about the complicated relationship I have with religion and sex, people have messaged me that it’s possible to be religious and fuck. While I’m sure this is true, and there are absolutely liberal churches out there, where I was raised the rules were staunch on this: you don’t have sex until you’re married. Full stop.

Letting Go of My Guilt

I’m an atheist now, for a variety of reasons, and I’ve been working to let go of the guilt I’ve attached to sex for as long as I can remember. The guilt was a combination of my own sensitivity (I’ve always taken things to heart), and the teachings that spanned my school education and social activities. Having dated several committed Christians as a teenager, none of whom believed in sex before marriage, I’d become accustomed to not fucking. I wasn’t one of those “anything but” religious types, either. Sure, I’d engaged in plenty of dry humping, fully clothed, but I was beyond sexually frustrated well into my 20s. When my lon- term boyfriend decided that even making out was sinful, I started to wonder if this was the kind of relationship I even wanted to be in anymore.

More Than Just Teaching Abstinence

Abstaining from sex wasn’t the only thing that religion taught me about sex. Time and again in Bible study and Youth Group, the leaders got majorly specific about what was OK and what wasn’t OK. For instance, one workshop I went to in college told everyone that men could masturbate because they needed the physical release, but that women should abstain altogether. As a massive feminist, this should’ve been the only wake-up call I needed that perhaps religion was not for me, but it was years before I gradually moved away from religion and the rules that went with it. The fact is, letting go of rules that have been programmed into us from an early age can be incredibly difficult. (Read more about the author in How I Became a Sex Positive Feminist.) Friends of mine balked and broke the church rules time and again. When one got pregnant at 16, her family decided in conversation with the church that the solution was simple: she’d get married. Once she was married, she was instantly absolved of the perceived sin that had occurred. Despite the rules, people have sex. They just get shamed for doing it. (Read more in The Worst Analogy for Premarital Sex Ever.)

The Rules Totally Affected My Life

In hindsight, abiding by the rules of the church was no mean feat, and completely fucked my head up. Telling my body to deny itself, and constantly being denied the physical affection I so craved, gave me a bit of a complex about relationships. That being said, I respect anyone whose decision it is to not have sex for whatever reason. It’s all down to personal choice and being respectful of your partner’s wishes. Because religion is often an inflexible set of rules, personal wishes get lost, and this can be problematic. I didn’t have sex until I was 24. I’d previously been in situations where it was offered, but it took me a long time to untie myself from the associated guilt. Even when I stopped going to church and chose to start moving in a new direction, my old habits stuck. It was difficult to shake the thoughts, feelings, and teachings that I’d held for 20 years. It was important for me to reclaim sex for myself and separate it from the shame that so often gets applied to it by religion. Religion has a lot to say about sex. It dictates when, how, with whom, and, to some degree, how often people should have sex. As a feminist, I couldn’t live this way anymore. And I absolutely couldn’t stand the sexist doctrine that set different rules for men and women. I’m pro-masturbation, and don’t think that it should ever be separated out by gender. Repression shouldn’t rest more heavily on women, and any doctrine that says it should isn’t one I can abide by.

Breaking Free From Religious Guilt

There are some religious and spiritual traditions that have a more positive view of sexuality. In fact, in a number of cultures the moment of orgasm has been described as a transcendental experience in which one is momentarily elevated to a divine level of awareness. Instead of designating sex to an off-limits area, only talking about it in conjunction with sin or marriage, and refusing to recognize that it’s a natural and enjoyable part of life, we should celebrate it.

I don’t want outsiders dictating who I can sleep with. I’m ready to discard the shame I’ve been layered in like butter. I want to peel off my guilt and make choices that feel right for me. And I want to encourage you to do the same.

Complete Article HERE!

SEO Powered by Platinum SEO from Techblissonline