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Like I was sayin’…

Name: Perth Guy
Gender:
Age: 50
Location: Perth Australia
I am going to have surgery to fix Diverticular Disease by removal of the sigmoid colon, which may result in a temp or Perm stoma (Colostomy). If its a permanent colostomy bag I know they basically remove your rectum, so no more anal sex. If its a temp stoma/colostomy bag can you still have anal sex? (whilst you rectum is “disconnected from the colon) If they are able to reverse it later and connect the transverse colon to the rectum is it still possible to have anal sex? I dont know who to ask this very strange question – its not the question you can ask around ” do you have a colostomy – do you have anal sex?”

Hey thanks for your message, Perth Guy. Sorry to hear you’re feeling poorly.

For those of us unfamiliar with diverticular (say: die-ver-tick-yoo-ler) disease, it affects the large intestine, or colon. It’s caused by small pouches that form, usually on the wall of the last part of the large intestine — the sigmoid colon. These pouches are called diverticula, don’t ‘cha know.

The terms ostomy and stoma are general descriptive terms that are often used interchangeably though they have different meanings. An ostomy refers to the surgically created opening in the body for the discharge of body wastes. A stoma is the actual end of the small or large bowel that is arranged to protrude through the abdominal wall.digestive_big.jpg

I know it’s difficult to find helpful information about sexual concerns, like butt fucking, when facing a radical and disfiguring medical procedure like a colostomy. Our culture has such difficulty talking about sex even as it applies to healthy folks, it’s no wonder we fail those of us who are sick, maimed or disabled. I did, however, find a resource for you, Colostomy Pen Pals.

I suspect that you’ll not readily find the specific information about anal sex that you are looking for on that site. But here’s where you can do yourself and all your fellow ostomy patients a good turn. I want you to march right over to Colostomy Pen Pals and any other ostomy resource you might find online and just come out with it. Just like you did when you wrote to me. You know that if you have a concern about anal sex post surgery, there are a load of others out there who share your concern and interest.  And some may actually have first-hand information to share.

Probably, there a lot of other folks who are too timid to ask or share about sex in general and anal sex in particular. But instead of stewing in isolation and lack of information, why not take the initiative and break open the topic yourself. If you’re gonna wait around for someone else to broach the issue, when you won’t, you’re gonna die waiting, my friend.

And if you think the information you are looking for will miraculously come from the medical industry; you really have to wake up and smell the coffee, my friend. The best resource you’re gonna find are the others in the ostomy community. Those folks, who are similarly challenged as you, will be the front line of the information you seek. But like I said, if you fail to put out there what it is you want, you can be sure no one is gonna spoon feed it to you.

So while it is true what you say: “its not the question you can ask around to the general public do you have a colostomy – do you have anal sex?” It is a very appropriate question to be asking the ostomy community. And if you find resistance in that community for raising this pressing sexual concern, stand your ground, darlin’!  Dont sink to the lowest common denominator.

And just so you don’t think I’m ducking the question, my experience with ostomy patients suggest that it may very well be more of a question of wanting to have anal sex post surgery, than the ability to do so. I guess you’re just gonna have to wait and see for yourself. Keep me posted and I’ll keep our audience posted on this too.

Name: Liora
Gender:
Age: 23
Location: israel
i have a cyber relationship with a man who’s a great deal older than i am, lives several time zones away and has a little girl living with him (so we can only do it when she’s out of the house (which, untill september, will only be on sundays and that usually means that in practice we only do it once a month. i’m a very hormonal girl and this is driving me kind of crazy (masterbating by myself doesn’t make the problem go away somehow even if i get 10 orgasms in a row from it) and cheating or “moving on” are out of the question! i try to repress but the tension seems to make me want to bite his head off a lot lately which never used to happen. i love him very much so porn and cheating are out of the question… any advice on other ways of dealing with this frustration?

Jeez, you sound like a real charmer. What a petulant child you are. It’s a wonder that this grown-up guy puts up with you.

cybersex07.jpgHere’s what I’m reading in your message. You’re hooked on cybersex with an older man who lives thousands of miles away from you. And because he has a daughter living with him for the summer, you can only connect with him once a month. And you’re pissed off and frustrated.

Well, I can understand being frustrated.  Apparently you have a sex drive that would make a sexual athlete blush. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not a bad thing. It’s just that you refuse to satisfy your libido on your own, or with another person nearer to hand. And when you don’t get what you want, when and how you want it, you bite the old dude’s head off. Yeah, that sounds like true love to me.

And yes darlin’, I do have some advice. What you got goin’ here is an obsession, which has absolutely nothing to do with love. You’re selfish and self-absorbed.  Ad if I had to guess, you can’t read the signs that are obvious to others with similar cyber connections. When the frequency of the contact diminishes, it’s apparent that one or the other of the participants is bored or wants to wind-down the liaison. You seem to gloss over this painful truth.

You deny yourself the natural sexual outlets a young woman your age can enjoy because you arecybersex00.jpg unhealthily preoccupied with this cyber connection. Where the fuck do you think this virtual relationship is gonna to wind up? Maybe, just maybe, this older gentleman has got the goods on you, he sees you for the crazed cyber junky you are, and he’s using the excuse of having his daughter around to avoid you.

Girlfriend, give it a rest. This is yesterday’s mashed potatoes. Time to move on. Why not connect with a real human this time, someone you can actually touch and be touched by. I know it sounds real old fashioned, but if you give it a try, you will find that honest-to-goodness human flesh beats a keyboard and monitor every time.

Name: MissK
Gender:
Age: 43
Location: Everett
My longtime male sub wants Me to try something on him that he saw on a web site. I’m not sure at all that it would be safe for him. It’s infusing saline into his scrotum, until they are very heavy. Any advice?

OMG, there are perverts in Everett WA? Who knew?

I am of the mind, as probably are you too, that needle play and blood sports are best left to trained professional doms. I have no way of knowing your level of proficiency in this area, but that’s not to say that one can’t learn to infuse if one really wants to.

I once watched a scrotal infusion demonstration in utter amazement. I don’t know how to do thisinfusion_set.jpg myself, so I won’t offer you a tutorial. However, I did notice that there are a couple “How To” videos for this fetish online. But I can’t recommend them either, since I haven’t had an opportunity to review any of them.

But since you raised the question…and, like I always say, if there’s one pervert out there who gets off on somethin’, there’s bound to be a shit load of other pervs out there who share that interest.

So I asked around among my more sexually adventurous friends for their advice. The predominant message was that infusing sterile saline solution into a guy’s scrotum requires a lot of time, because it’s a drip process. And that it must be done in a sterile environment to avoid complications. A mishap can cause a serious infection, which will be awfully painful and it can even lead to the loss of the guy’s cajones.

First, ya gotta shave the dude’s family jewels. If you nick his sack; stop right there. Ya gotta wait, until the nick heals before you try again. The infusion bag or bottle must be warmed before the infusion begins. You’ll also want the environment to be warm too, otherwise his scrotum will get all pruney, don’t cha know.

The infusion bag needs to be hung approximately three and a half feet, or one meter, higher than his nuts. You’ll need to know how to set up the infusion apparatus and bleed the infusion tube of air. If you don’t know how to do this, then you are in over your head. Don’t attempt this on your own.scrotal_infusion-2.JPG

Of course, you have to disinfect his scrotum with an alcohol-free Betaisodona solution. There is some disagreement on how best, or where best to sting the needle into the guy’s junk. But one thing for certain, be sure the guy’s dick is out of the way. Two of my experts suggest stinging between the testicles.

YIKES!! I know; I’m such a big baby. But I really hate needles. I got to tell you, all of this is giving me the willies. But hey, let’s not worry about my feelings, this is all about you and your stinkin’ fetish. So, by all means, let’s press on…no pun intended.

I am told that you can sting just about anywhere on the scrotum, but if you sting into a blood vessel, the dude will have a bruise. Probably if he’s into this particular fetish, a little bruising ain’t gonna bother him. But, ya absolutely got to make sure you don’t puncture one of his balls accidentally. This, I understand is very painful.

It’s recommended that the first time you infuse, you not use a whole liter of saline. Once he’s full, so to speak, remove the needle; firmly press your gloved finger on the puncture for a few minutes, then apply a little band aide —maybe one with a happy face or a little kitty on it. If you really loaded him up; don’t be surprised if he leaks a little. …Now there’s a pleasant thought!

Never reuse the needle and don’t just leave the infusion bag or bottle hanging around, this will only invite germs.

Finally, you’ll be happy to know that your man’s nut sack will return to normal in 48-72 hours, as the saline is absorbed into the body.

Good luck ya’ll

Anything Goes…

Name: Denise
Gender: Female
Age: 35
Location: Colorado
My husband and I have two beautiful sons, 11 and 13. We are a naturist family. Our children have grown up in this way of life and they have a healthy appreciation for the human body and are comfortable with nudity. Recently, both our sons said they did not want to join my husband and I at our yearly naturist retreat. We are honoring their wishes, but we are disappointed by their decision. Any thoughts on were we may have gone wrong?

Let’s give our readership a little background first, shall we Denise? For the uninformed, nudists or naturists practice social nudity. While nudity is an obvious aspect of nudism, it is just part of a much larger lifestyle and life philosophy.

festival311.jpg

The nudist/naturist lifestyle promotes a wholesome appreciation of the human body, mind, and spirit. They believe that this wholesomeness comes easiest to those who shed the psychological and social encumbrance of clothing.

Naturists also promote health through complete contact of the whole body with the natural elements. Nudism is practiced, as much as possible, in environments free of the pollution and the stress of modern living. It also involves a holistic approach to nutrition, physical activity, mental health, and social interaction.

As Denise suggests, nudism fosters family participation. Children in naturist families learn to appreciate the human body as part of their natural environment. They often grow up with healthier attitudes toward the physical body and do so with much less fear or shame their non-naturist peers.

naturism2.jpgNow on to your concern, Denise. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. On the contrary, I think you are navigating this seeming change of heart by your kids very well. You’ve decided, and rightly so, to honor their wishes to not participate in the whole naturists thing for the time being.

Your boys are going through puberty and that alone is enough to set their whole world on its head. They may also be facing intense peer pressure from their non-naturist mates. Societal pressures to fit in and conform, even to unhealthy cultural dictates about “proper” behavior and injurious hyper body consciousness is particularly demanding during the early teenage years. Somehow the desire to be popular distorts a kid’s perception and can screw up his/her self-esteem.

Ideally, your son’s nudist upbringing would give them the ability to look past these superficial elements, and maybe they will in time. Right now, they need to feel they have more of a control over some of the externals of their life. And it is easy enough for you and your husband to grant them this. I would hasten to add that you and the hubby ought not sink to the lowest common denominator. I encourage you to continue to live your lifestyle as before. Your kids need to know that if they want their wishes respected, they’ll need to respect yours.

With a little luck, the body acceptance, self-respect and confidence you’ve instilled in your sons will once again kick in once their hormones simmer down. Just know that the anxiety you and your husband are experiencing is simply part and parcel of being parents to teens…nudist or non.

Name: Ed Clarke
Gender:
Age: 52
Location: Chicago
Dr. Dick, Please settle a bet. I say that a man with an 8 inch dick has more nerve endings than one who has only 5 inches of meat, and that means he gets more sexualsailor04.jpg stimulation of his joystick and greater pleasure. What do you say, Doc?

Ahhh, a betting man, are ya Ed? Ok, simply put, an 8-inch dick has indeed more skin than a 5-incher, but not more nerve endings. Just like a guy with a long neck has more skin than a guy with a short neck, but both guys have the same number of neck bones.

The nerve endings in a relatively short dick are more concentrated than those in a longer dick, but they function just the same. If you need further proof, consider a woman’s clit. It’s tiny compared to an 8-inch boner, but it packs more wallop per square centimeter than that big boy.

I also hesitate to endorse any notion that a bigger dick enjoys more sexual stimulation than a smaller dick. Skillful stimulation has less to do with size than it does with technique. And the notion that a bigger dick may somehow be the source of more pleasure than one that’s not so big…is also a myth. Once again, I refer you to that marvelous creation — the clit.

So I guess it’s time to pay up, huh Mr. Clarke?

Name: Katrina
Gender:
Age: 26
Location: Dallas
Dear Dr Dick: I am a 26 year old woman and want to trim my bush but am scared to go to the waxing salon. Is the salon safe? Do you have any recommendations for how I could go about this myself? Are there home kits?

Have you considered using the old weed-whacker, darlin’? Oh wait, not that kind of bush trimming, huh?ladypruning.jpg

OK, let’s see, are salons safe? I suppose if you entrusted your precious bush to a licensed establishment you’d be fine.

Any recommendations for how you could go about doing this yourself? I haven’t talked to too many women about this, but most of the men I know who manscape their pubes do so with a disposable razor while in the shower. Some submit to waxing, but most say it hurts way too much. Men are such PUSSIES!

Waxing has been around for centuries. People used to rid themselves of their pubic hair to cut down on infestations of lice and other unwanted vermin. Nowadays waxing and shaving are merely cosmetic in nature. I’m personally a big fan of the natural look, but to each his own, right?

wax_job.jpgWaxing can be done at home, and yes, there are kits available. I don’t know too much about these kits, so I can’t advise you further. What I can offer you is the basics — hot wax is applied to the hair infested areas of the skin, and a strip of cloth or paper is pressed into the wax. The strip is then quickly pulled away, taking the hair with it. OUCH! What price beauty???

This method is fast and relatively inexpensive…at least as one compares it to a salon job. But for the novice at-home waxer, this can also become very messy and if the done improperly the hair can break off below the surface of the skin and cause unsightly red bumps that look like prickly heat. This can also lead to an infection. And that’s never a good thing.

At-home kits can cost from $25-$75. Professional wax jobs can run from $50-$200 depending on the area treated.

Name: Marti
Gender: female
Age: 27
Location: Seattle
Is there such a thing as an asexual? The reason I ask is that I think I am one. I’m happy and well adjusted, but sex does nothing for me. I can’t orgasm. My genitals are icky. My marriage seems fine. I love my husband; we share the same values. And even if there’s nothing in it for me, I’m apparently pretty good at fellatio. We don’t do intercourse. Is this normal for some people? Are some people simply not wired to be sexual? I have no problems with love. I’m passionate about my husband and my friends, but it’s more of a cerebral thing.

Yeah, Marti, I do believe there is such a thing as an asexual. But I don’t think you’re one. Ya know why I say that? It’s because an asexual has an indifference toward sex. You, dear lady, exhibit disgust toward sex and things sexual…including your very own pussy. And that tells me you have an aversion to sex, which is completely different from what an asexual feels about sex.sexy-couple.jpg

I’d also have to challenge you on your statement that you are happy and well adjusted. I just don’t buy it, darlin’! And here’s a tip, if you have to go out of your way to tell someone you are happy and well adjusted, you’re probably neither.

In my estimation, a young married, albeit preorgasmic, woman who denies her hubby the old in and out, but begrudgingly blows him when absolutely necessary is NOT happy or well adjusted. SORRY! Since you have never known the joys of sex, you can hardly dismiss them as unimportant.

If we had access to your long-suffering husband I think he would tell a different tale than you, Miss Marti. I’ll betcha he’s withering on the vine for lack of nookie — the odd semi-obligatory blowjob he gets doled out to him on occasion not withstanding.

Listen darling, you got issues…big fuckin issues that need to be addressed ASAP. Don’t go trying to cover your shit with a happy face like asexuality. You’ll give all those real sexual ascetics a bad name if ya do.

female_masturbate.jpgBegin by resolving your anorgasmia, or as other call it preorgasmia. Because that, my dear, is the root of your sexual aversion. Work with a qualified sex-positive therapist. Learn to masturbate in a way that will bring you sexual satisfaction. Once you and your trusty vibrator slams yourself your first screamin’ meme of an orgasm, I believe you will change your tune about the rest of sex and your much maligned pussy too.

We can only hope that your deprived spousal unit will stick around during this remedial period. But you’re gonna have to level with him. Tell him you’ve finally accepted the fact that you have a problem that you need to get to the bottom of it, so to speak. With his help and support and that of your therapist, you’ll find your way to real happiness and being an authentically well-adjusted person, not just someone who says she is.

Anything short of this kind of honesty will continue to rob your husband of the full-fledged sex life he ought to be enjoying with you his wife. If ya don’t you can be sure ‘ole hubby will find his satisfaction in a more welcoming pussy than yours…if he hasn’t already.

Good luck ya’ll

Loose Change

Name: Tia
Gender: Female
Age: 19
I have a problem. I’m still a virgin, but my bf thinks I’m not. It’s really my fault he thinks this, cuz I told him I was all experienced and everything. We’ve been going together for about 8 months already and I really want my first time to be with him, but how am I going to act all experienced when I don’t know what I’m doing.
HELP ME PLEASE!!!

That sure enough is a pickle you got yourself into darlin’. You’ve got some ‘splanin’ to do Lucy!

Funny, because I’m more likely to hear from young women who are not virgins, but who want to know how they can fool a new partner into thinking they are. I guess we can chalk up all this deception and confusion to the powerful associations every culture imposes on virginity…female virginity, that is.

female_back.JPG

Like most things sexual there is a huge double standard between the cultural and individual importance of virginity for women as opposed to men. Cultural expectations about virginity are also tied to age as well as gender. For example, our society expects its 16-year-old girls to be virgins. To be otherwise, at that tender age, would be a scandal in most communities. (Jamie Lynn Spears comes immediately to mind.) But a 35 year old woman who is still a virgin is considered an old maid — or worse, a dyke.

Of course, things are more fluid when it comes to boys and men. On the one hand, a 16year old boy who is not a virgin may raise some eyebrows in some communities. But many others in those same communities would praise him for being a stud. On the other hand, a 35 year old man who is still a virgin is the butt of jokes — or worse, a queer. In fact, he’s also more of a disgrace to his gender than an old maid is to hers. Funny how that works, huh?

I hasten to add that there is a lot to argue with in terms of these arbitrary cultural norms, and I encourage ya’ll to argue away. God knows I do! And you don’t have to buy into them either. God knows I don’t! But till things change, these norms are the norms, like it or lump it.

I’d love to know why you felt the need to deceive your BF in the first place? Do the people you hang with, prize sexual experience over sexual innocence for a young woman of 19? And what are the expectations of your group regarding a 19 year old guy? I’ll bet the expectation is that he not be a virgin. Right?

Well you can see why a lot of people, not just you Tia, find this whole thing just too damned complicated. And rather than add to the confusion or the deception, I encourage you to come clean with the BF about your cherry.

Here’s why I think this is the best policy. First, if the BF is sexually experienced, it will be very difficult for you to hide the fact that you’re not. Besides, like you said in your message to me. “I really want my first time to be with him.” Why not just come out and tell him that, sweetheart? No man is gonna turn that down…ever. Simply put, that is the most sexually charged and treasured sentence in any language.

Begin the big talk with your man like this. “Baby, I got something real special to tell you. You know how I’ve been sayin that I’ve been with other guys and everything? Well that was just my way of keeping all the other guys from pestering me for my junk. Baby, the truth is that I haven’t had sex before now. And the best part of this is I’ve decided that I really want my first time to be with you. My cherry belongs to you, baby”

Like I said, Tia, no man is gonna turn that down. The BF will be so flattered you won’t have to pretend to be something you’re not. Clearing the air like this will also allow you to relax when the magic moment finally happens. And relaxation is the key to enjoying yourself. And you should enjoy yourself.

Name: Mikel
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Location: Seattle
My problem is: I have a fixation on cut dicks, so when I’m having sex with uncut people, I can’t enjoy it. I feel it’s dirty!!! Should I ask my partners their “shape” before having sex? Wouldn’t I sound like a whore?

What a curious concern you have. I mean, not the cut/uncut thing…that I understand. Lots of people have a preference for either natural or snipped meat, so I’m cool with that. Sometimes the preference is even culturally induced. Ok, fine! I also know that some guys prefer what they don’t have. Lots of clipped men like uncut cock, and lots of natural men prefer their partners to be cut. Some people make a big to-do about foreskin, as you suggest, because they think it’s unsightly and/or unclean. Personally, I think that’s complete baloney, but hey, to each his own. Right?

cock-buffet.jpgI also know that most people who have a strong cut/uncut preference want to know in advance if their perspective partner’s dick is to their liking. And obviously, the only way to find that out is to ask outright. Ok, so far so good.

What I don’t understand about your question is that you think it might be whorish to be up-front and ask a guy about the condition of his trouser snake. Like, WHY? Either you don’t understand the meaning of the word “whore,” or you’re too self-conscious about taking responsibility for your personal tastes in tonsil ticklers . Either way it makes no sense.

Think about it this way, say you don’t ask and you discover, to your great dismay, that the guy you’re about to bone has some fine lace curtains. And you get all turned off and this screws up the screwing. You feel bad, he feels bad, and you look like a jerk. Wouldn’t it have been better to save yourself and your unlucky partner the embarrassment of shutting down a fuck by taking responsibility for your predilection before cloths come flying off? Heck, I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer to be thought of as a whore than a complete asshole.

Dr Dick has a hard and fast rule when it comes to sex. If you can’t bring yourself to ask for what you want, then you deserve what you get.

Name: William
Gender:
Age: 30
Location: UK
Hi There
I am new to this scene, and I have very little experience in anal sex and I am seeking your help and advice. I am a top but I have a problem keeping my dick hard or staying hard during anal sex. I find it harder to fuck an ass compared to fucking a pussy. Here is the problem: Once I get my dick hard, put on a condom and start fucking, my dick sometimes goes soft on me. Is that normal? How can I keep my dick hard long enough in the ass to enjoy the fuck? Sometimes even when my dick is hard, I find it hard to penetrate an ass. I use lube, so what am I doing wrong? People in gay porn can fuck and fuck like there is no tomorrow. I want to enjoy anal sex too!! Any advice? Please let me know if there is anything I can do to improve in this area?

Boy, you’re in luck, William! Last week I published my long-awaited: Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top. Check it out! It’ll answer a lot of the questions you have about butt fucking.

But before you take off to read that, I’d like to address one of the specific issues you raise, about keeping your dick hard while fucking. You are right to point out that fucking an ass (male or female) is different from fucking a pussy. But regardless of what hole you’re invading, a nice hard stiffy issex_toys_dj212901.jpg essential.

Do you know what a cockring is, William? If not, I suggest you acquaint yourself with these amazing low-tech wonders. Here’s what you should do. Turn your attention to the Eden Fantasys banner at the top of this page. Click through that link and go to the Sex Toys for Men section. Look for Erection Help there you will see the link to cockrings. Prepare yourself to be sorely amazed at the variety and functionality of these little devils.

Cock rings can create larger and firmer erections. Since blood flow enters your dick through arteries deep inside your dick, and leaves it through the veins nearer the surface of your schlong; wearing a cock ring can help to sex_toys_gef90178bs.jpgkeep more blood inside your dick shaft. And as all you rocket scientists know, blood flow is what causes erections in the first place. Also some men claim that wearing a cock ring intensifies their orgasm.

I recommend the flexible and/or adjustable cockrings. These are generally made of stretchable rubber or leather. For the more daring there are the metal variety. These may look pretty, but they can be a bitch to put on and to take off. Here’s how ya put a rigid one on.

  1. Pull your ball sack through the ring first.
  2. Follow this by popping each of your balls through the ring one at a time.
  3. Now bend your cock down and pull it through the ring.

As you can see, putting one of these little buggers on before you have a raging hardon is gonna be easier. To take the cock ring off, simply reverse these steps, pushing your flaccid cock back through the ring first, followed by each of your balls and finally your ball sack.

It’s absolutely essential that you not wear an inflexible (metal) ring for longer than a couple hours. Make sure you don’t buy one that is too small either. If your dick is turning an angry red or worse, purple, or it is cold to the touch, you’re in trouble. Take that ring off immediately. If you don’t you will risk serious injury to your precious johnson.

Remember people, play smart with all your toys!

NEXT, ANOTHER SEXUAL ENRICHMENT TUTORIAL

Beginning Sex Play — Tips and Techniques

The most frequent questions I get are from your average dick and jane, (or dick and dick, or jane and jane) who want to spice up their sex life. Inevitably they describe the kind of sex they’re currently having. And almost universally the description makes this grown man cry. Jeez, the boredom. How do they stand it? It’s a wonder any of them are having any sex at all.

What is it with the humdrum, run of the mill, we’ve always done it that way mentality? Are ya’ll afraid that if you add a little something new to your sex chore. from time to time, that the sky will fall? Holy cow!

Today’s tutorial is another attempt to motivate you to get off your butts and make something interesting happen in the sex department. We’ll begin with what was once called foreplay.

First off, I hate the word “foreplay” because it suggests that all these really great sex activities are only a lead up to a single — “more important” activity — fucking. It also implies that ya’ll can dispense with the one in order to hurry up and get to the other. And that, my friends, is always a huge mistake.

do-not-disturb.jpgFrom now on I want us to banish “foreplay” from our vocabulary. Instead let’s start using “Beginning Sex Play”. It says it all. It says it’s at the beginning, but there’s no suggestion that anything in particular must follow.

I’m of the mind that we’d all be better served if we thought of sex play as a continuum of pleasure and pleasuring — with a beginning, middle and an end. If you ask me, our sex play ought mirror our sexual response cycles — arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. That way we’re less likely to overburden one particular activity at the expense of all the others. Get it? Got it? Good!

Experienced sex fans agree; the best sexual encounters include an extended period of sensual play at the beginning of most sex play. This brings increased pleasure to both partners, and will make whatever else that might follow more satisfying. Just remember, beginning sex play can be a meal in itself.

Beginning sex play brings spice to the encounter because it gets our motors started. Even all yousex_toys_rd9613.jpg major sex athletes out there who are perpetually primed for sex will benefit from some hearty beginning sex play. It will help cool your jets and make the encounter last longer than a firecracker. And I know that you know what I mean!

In our hectic rush around world, beginning sex play is particularly important. It helps us transition from the daily cares and woes to the realm of sensual pleasures. The workaholics among us need more time to become fully aroused. Their minds are still filled with the junk of the day, and not yet ready to give or receive pleasure. And pleasuring and being pleasured takes a big attitude shift from that of the rest of the day. In fact, if you’re gonna approach sex and pleasuring with the same mindset you have on the job or with the kids, give it up now and be done with it. You’ll only walk away from the encounter disappointed.

sex_toys_ki0001.jpgBeginning sex play primes us for maximum pleasure. Men will have the time we need to come to full erection and women will have the time they need to properly lubricate. By the way, this is called the arousal stage in our sexual response cycle. But you probably know that already, right?

When we stop thinking of beginning sex play as “foreplay” we realize there is no such thing as spending too much time giving and getting pleasure. If beginning sex play evolves into full-on fucking — SWELL. Both partners will be fully aroused and fucking will flow naturally and effortlessly from the pleasure enjoyed at the beginning of sex play.

Beginning sex play can include everything from chocolate and whipped cream to whips and chains. But let’s not get too far ahead of our selves. Let’s start at the beginning of beginning sex play. Most people miss out on the pleasure of undressing with and for their partners. Stripping out of, or being helped out of our daily wear and into something sexysex_toys_ks0092.jpg or nothing at all can be very arousing. It’s also a visual signal that we’re shifting out of our work-a-day world and entering the realm of sensuality. Stripping is an art form, ya know. We could all learn a lesson or two from the folks who do this for a living, but more about this in a later tutorial.

Creating the right sex environment is important too. Make sure the room is warm. Proper lighting and music will surely add to the mood. Scents are also important. More and more people are incorporating erotica into their sex play — reading a sexy story together or enjoying some hot porn will make the encounter memorable.

Most women complain that their partners don’t kiss long enough and rush the kissing to get at their pussy. Guys, what the fuck? You want pussy? Use your mouth to maximum advantage kiss and nibble all over everything. Literally devour your partner with your mouth. Believe me, if you do this right, by the time you get to her pussy she’s gonna want sex_toys_055337396x.jpgto give it up big time.

Beginning sex play is the perfect time for setting the mood for all that might follow. It’s a time for sharing fantasies, role-playing, dirty talk or some full body massage. Always have some nice lotion available then use your hands, forearms, feet and elbows to knead your partner’s muscles and naughty bits.

Certain areas on the body are more hot-wired than others. It’s your job to find each and every one your partner has. As you massage vary your strokes and touch to stimulate your partner. Roll your fingertips across his or her nipples and behind his or her ears as you kiss him and tease her with your tongue.

If you’re doin things right, your partner will be moaning with pleasure. If she or he starts getting impatient it’s time to bring out the restraints. There’s nothing like some hot erotic bondage to punctuate your beginning sex play.

While your darling is subdued and possibly blindfolded, crank things up a notch. Add differentsex_toys_ss34047.jpg
sensations and stimuli, a warm chocolate sauce followed by ice cream. A fur mitt followed by a Loofah. Introduce some sex toys — a vibrator, tit clamps, or an anal stimulator.

Don’t forget to check in with your partner from time to time. Ask for some feedback and direction. Do you like this? Or do you like this better? Never presume to know what your partner likes simply because he or she liked it before, this is a recipe for boredom and the dreaded bed death. If words fail you, SHOW your partner what you want. Then encourage your partner to do the same to you.

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Beginning sex play is not about pressing the right buttons in the right order. It is about understanding what makes your partner tick and supplying and applying those things to their greatest sensual advantage. There are many ways to give your partner extreme pleasure, and it all begins in your brain. Beginning sex play is as much of an art form as it is a necessity.

Finally, the basic premise behind all of this is that a great lover is one that gives pleasure because it is its own reward, not a means to getting something else.

Good luck ya’ll

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Merrily We Roll Along!

Hey sex fans,

I hope ya’ll survived the holidays. I did! Although I can’t tell you how glad I am that all that nonsense is over.

Before we begin, I just want to remind you that my podcasts will resume next Monday, January 07. I have a slew of interesting questions that have been piling up over the past couple of weeks. So I can guarantee you it will be a juicy podcast. Don’t miss it!

Name: Fay
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Location: LA
I met this guy on the Internet and he seemed nice and all, but I wasn’t that turned on to him. All I remember is he was pretty nerdy and had really sweaty palms. We went out a couple of time, nothing serious. He just wasn’t my type. So I stopped responding to his calls. Last week I was out at this club with some friends and I saw Mr. Nerdy with this other chic. And I was like, wait a minute, that skank’s hornin’ in on my stuff! I know I wasn’t returning his calls, but still, I saw him first. It was like totally freaky, how they were all kissy-kissy right there in everyone’s face. What should I do?

Seriously? What should you do? How about getting a life. you vacuous twit? And Iwoman_screaming.jpg mean that in the nicest sort of way.

If you could just pull your head out of your ass long enough for you to listen to yourself; your misguided notions about dating and your fundamental lack of respect for the feelings of others would surly grate on you as much as it does me. Your mindless chatter is like fingernails on a blackboard. I mean REALLY!

Think about what you are suggesting here. You’re gettin’ all territorial about some guy you could barely bring yourself to give the time of day to and then blew off like he was excess baggage. You didn’t bother to take the time to look beyond his nerdy-ness and his sweaty palms like this other woman have done. Had you done so, you might have discovered what this other “skank,” as you so lovingly refer to her, has found. But ya didn’t!

Like most nerds, this guy probably developed other means of making himself attractive and interesting to compensate for his nerdy-ness. Maybe he’s got a big ol’ dick, or he’s great in the sack. Maybe he got a big bank account or maybe he simply has a handle on the basic social graces, something that you, dear Fay, have yet to grasp.

Your jealousy is neither cute nor charming. It does, however, mark you as self-centered and childish. For the most part, jealousy is a byproduct of a person’s lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Here’s a tip: try and develop a healthier sense of self, so that you’ll mature into someone who can interact with others in a respectful manner that is befitting another human being.

Oh, and have a nice day!

Name: Joanne
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Location: Toronto
I’m 25, 5-foot-7 and weigh 105 pounds. I take care of my body by eating right and exercising regularly. My problem is that I hate the way I look. I am actually repulsed by my body. I take very brief showers and avoid the mirror as much as possible. I’m not a prude. Others being nude is fine with me. But my body image issues are hindering my sexual encounters. I always want to wear a shirt or have the lights off.

My current boyfriend says that if I trust him enough to sleep with him I should trust him enough to let him see me naked. He also has told me that we can’t continue seeing each other if this doesn’t improve. But I let him see every part of my nude body — just not all at once. So he knows I’m not hiding some monstrous deformity or anything. I guess I thought my boyfriend would be more sensitive to my fear and let me stay covered up. Do I owe him nudity?

Hold on there, girlfriend, you think your BF is being insensitive because he wants to enjoy your body in the buff…with the lights on? You think that he’s sticking around just to needle you about your phobia? Honey, get over yourself!

Do you honestly think that your body-positive BF oughta facilitate and participatecrystal_pussy.jpg in your pathology? Yeah, like why don’t we all just sink to the lowest common denominator? And here’s a tip, doll: you do have a monstrous deformity. Perhaps it’s not a physical deformity, but it sure enough is a psychological one.

I concur with your boyfriend; your relationship is on the line here. You need to get a handle on your hang-ups, darlin’, or you can just say good-bye to whatever sex and intimacy you may currently be enjoying.

Listen, I have a thing about sex and intimacy being a gift one gives another. So I ask you, how can you give yourself as a gift to anyone if you are disgusted with the gift you’re giving? And you’ll never convince me that your body issues aren’t seeping into and sabotaging the sex you may be having with your long-suffering BF. I’ll betcha you don’t let him get too close to the body parts you begrudgingly expose to him…when the lights are out.

Joanne, like I suggest above, being repulsed by your own body is a sign of a deep psychological problem. I’d suggest you get to the bottom of this with a sex-positive therapist right away.

When I encounter this sort of thing in my practice, inevitably my client and I discover a past body related trauma to be at root of his or her current disgust. Left untreated, this aversion could easily morph into a desire to do yourself harm. It’s a common enough phenomenon; so don’t let that happen.

And to your closing question about do you “owe” him nudity; what the fuck is that? Is your sexuality and the intimacy you share with your BF something to be bid and bargained for, like beads in a bazaar? Sex and intimacy is either a gift freely given or it’s coerced.

If you’re feeling coerced about being naked with the man who loves you, you’d better set him free and get thee to a nunnery.

NEXT, ANOTHER SEXUAL ENRICHMENT TUTORIAL

Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top

Without further ado, here’s dr dick’s long awaited seminar on being a great ass fuckin’ top. This is a companion piece to an earlier tutorial for you novice bottoms out there — Liberating the BOB Within (That’s Big Old Bottom).

closeup1.jpgThis tutorial is for anyone who is considering being a top in butt fucking sex, regardless of whether the meat injection is 100% prime or a beef substitute — like a strap-on dildo, these words of wisdom are for you.

Some people are not open to experimentation when it comes to their precious asshole. They think it’s gonna be painful, or worse…the mere idea grosses them out. First off, you don’t want to try toppin’ one of these folks. A good top should know it makes no sense at all to try to force, or worse belittle an unwilling bottom to give up his or her rosebud if he/she is not inclined to do so. This is simply a waste of everyone’s time. Because if you do succeed in gettin’ the unwilling bottom to relent and the attempted fuck confirms the bottom’s earlier suspicions that this activity is indeed painful and/or gross; you will have won the skirmish, but you will have lost the war.

Second, before a top commences a fuck of any kind he or she oughta considerfemale_buttfuck.jpg whose pleasure is primary in this particular fuck-fest. There is a big difference between fucking for the top’s pleasure, for the bottom’s pleasure, or for mutual pleasure. If a top is trying to finesse a novice bottom into exploring his/her ass, that top needs to resign him or herself to concentrating on the bottom’s pleasure first and foremost.

Start by getting the bottom comfortable being touched where the sun don’t shine. Lubricate your hand and massage the outside of his or her hole. Make some lazy little circles with your fingers and drive your bottom wild with desire. When her sphincter starts to quiver, as it surely will, slowly penetrate your bottom’s butt with a lubricated finger tip. After a few minutes of just hangin’ out down there with your finger in his poop chute, you can begin to slowly slide your finger in and out. When you’re fingerin’ someone for the first time, be sure to take your time. Allow his or her muscles to adjust to being penetrated. You might want to incorporate a thin vibrating dildo and/or some expert rimming to pave the way for bigger things.

fingering.jpgWhen a top fingers a bottom like this, he or she ought consider the width of his dick or her strap-on while doing so. For example, once your bottom can take two fingers comfortably and three fingers with a minimum of discomfort he or she is ready to take a modest sized cock or dildo inside. If you’re very well endowed or you plan to strap on a dildo that resembles a floor lamp, you’d better adjust this finger formula based on the width of your fingers and your equipment.

A clean asshole is a happy and fuckable asshole. Hygiene is essential for both tops and bottoms. Bottoms need to anally douche beforehand. And tops, once your cock or your strapped on dildo has been inside your bottom’s ass, don’t go puttin’ that thang anywhere else (mouth, pussy, whatever) until you’ve washed it with soap and water. Carelessness in the hygiene department is just inviting a very serious infection.

Tops, be sure to use a good lube and make sure you have your favorite condoms near to hand. Getting your bottom into the right position, one that is comfortable for both of you is paramount. There are way too many positions for me cover here, but when choosing a position, consider —

  • your preference
  • the bottom’s preference
  • your cock and/or dildo size
  • your body type, and the bottom’s body type.

femalebutthole.jpgYou may find that a pillow or two will help support and prop up the bottom in most positions.

Painful fucking is a sign that something is being done incorrectly. It is definitely not a sign from god that ass fucking itself is wrong. In most cases pain is due to a few predictable reasons: the bottom is too tense and is tightening up. The top is being impatient and is pushing too hard. There may not be enough lubricant. Or the cock or strap-on is too big for the bottom’s experience level.

Obviously. both top and bottom should be comfortable and feel at least some pleasure in the fuck. However, it’s perfectly fine, on occasion, to concentrate on one person’s pleasure over the pleasure of the other. Just make sure you both agree on who’s pleasure is gonna be the focus of any given fuck.

Topping is a skill like any other. Practice will improve your technique. And while practicing, invite and then listen to the feedback coming from your bottom.

Ok, let’s review.

  1. Always use a lubricant…and a lot of it. Water-based lubes are latex-compatible and highly recommended.
  2. Stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop. I’m not suggesting that you stop trying altogether; just don’t push yourself onto your bottom when he or she wants you to stop. Find the source of the problem lubrication, position, whatever, resolve the problem, then resume the fuck.
  3. Take it slow. There is no need to rush, especially if you’re experimenting with anal sex for the first time.
  4. A bottom’s desire to be fucked does not insure pleasurable cornhole-ing. It’s nice that he or she might want to surrender his or her ass, but that’s not gonna make it happen on its own.
  5. Always communicate with your bottom. Keep your communication playful and smutty.
  6. Tops, be open about what you want and how it’s feeling. “Oh baby, that’s right you’ve got such a tight hole. You want my big meat in your ass? Yes you do! Open up for daddy…or momma…as the case may be.” Get the picture?

Some experienced bottoms can orgasm with ass fucking alone. Women do so through pelvic muscle contractions, men because of pressure applied to their prostate.

inthehay.jpgOh, and here’s something you need to know. We all have two sphincter muscles. If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your ass and press your fingertip against the side you’ll find them both. There is less than a quarter-inch between them.

The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system, which means you can tense and relax this sphincter at will. The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system making it involuntary. This muscle responds to fear and anxiety. It may cause your bottom’s hole to tense up automatically even if he or she is trying to relax.

Tops, remember the rectum is not straight (no pun intended). After the short anal canal that connects the asshole to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body, sometimes as much as 90 degrees. That’s way some people are anatomically less suited to ass fucking than others.

Finally, the best attribute a top can have is his or her sense of humor about the whole friggin deal. Fucking ain’t as easy as it looks, at least not at first. But perseverance will win the day.

Good luck ya’ll

OUCH! WHAT? and Mmmm!

Name: Garth
Gender: Male
Age: 44
Location: South Africa
Hi I fissured my butt sometime ago and I think it has healed. I have undergone a Lateral Sphincterotomy twice – inner and outer. Unfortunately the area is now VERY sensitive and when I deficate the area ‘screams’ in pain. It is worse the softer the faecies is. When the faecies is firm, the pain is very low. Will this go? Is there any medication that I can use?

An anal fissure is a common proctological problem, especially for the heavy ass play crowd. An anal fissure is a tear in the anal tissue. The most common complaint is a pain in the ass…literally! during and after taking a dump. There may also be itching and possibly some bleeding. Pain and irritation can cause a spasm of the internal anal sphincter muscle, which sleazes up and further aggravates the condition.

The Lateral Sphincterotomy you mention is a surgical procedure to close theanal-fissure-anterior-chronic-w-papilla.JPG fissure. This operation remains the primary form of treatment for chronic conditions.

All my medical consultants tell me that, if your surgeries healed properly, you shouldn’t be experiencing pain, let alone “screaming pain” when you shit. We all understand that the area will continue to be sensitive, but the pain you describe is not a good sign. You may very well have an infection. You need to have that looked at ASAP. This is nothing to fool around with.

Here’s a tip for everyone in my audience: pain, of any sort, is one way our body talks to us. Its message is— things are not as they should be; get it fixed NOW. Sometimes the pain will subside when we stop doing something…like holding our hand too close to a flame. Some pain will only subside when a condition is fixed…like getting a cavity in our tooth filled. Other pain, like the emotional pain that comes with depression is harder to soothe, but it can be done. Finally, pain like the kind Garth is experiencing means something is very wrong. And if not attended to immediately, things will only get much worse.

Name: Ryan
Gender: Male
Age: 20 something
Location: Lowell MA
A few years back, a friend confided that he contracted genital warts from his ex-girl friend. He had the genital warts on his genitals, anus, hands, feet and in his mouth. His ex-girl friend had it on her hands, in her vagina, mouth, anus and cervix. I can understand having it on the genitals and hands and in the anus, mouth and cervix. I didn’t ask how he got it on his feet.
He went to work in another state, but came back here two years later. He told me16789433_p.jpg he liked a girl he met and would like to bring the relationship into a more intimate level. I asked him about his genital warts. He said he was cured of it. I read that genital warts cannot be cured. That it can be treated, but will remain incurable and contagious although dormant for a while.
Will the girl get it after they had sex? My friend comes to my house very often, drinks beer with me and my girl friend. He uses the bathroom and the hand towel. Even after scrubbing the bathroom and washing the hand towel, can my girl friend and I get the genital warts? As for my friend, was he condemned not to have sex for life? Or, is it safe to have sex if there was no outbreak or external signs?

I’ve seen several bad cases of genital warts, but never a case that included hands feet and mouth. Perhaps that outbreak was something else, I won’t even hazard a guess.

You are right; technically genital warts remain incurable, though non-contagious and dormant if treated correctly. And proper treatment is the key. For more information you might consult: www.dph.sf.ca.us.

Casual contact, the kind you describe below — bathroom, towels, etc. — cannot pass on the virus. Transmission is dependent on intimate genital contact. Does your friend (his GF) have an outbreak going on now? Can you see something on his (her) hands and face?

I know my friend is a responsible person and he will not knowingly infect me with his genital warts. But, how can he be sure that the wart is dormant and non-contagious? I am now wary because he told me his genital warts were cured. This makes me wonder whether he was given the wrong medical advice or he was just trying to put my mind at ease. Aside from using the bathroom and towels, he also eats dinner at my home and could infect my dishes, utensils, cloth napkins, etc. and pass the virus to me and my girl friend.
This matter has the potential of becoming a dilemma for me and my friendship with him. I don’t want to ask him details such as who is his doctor, what kind of treatment he is getting (it seems the infected person must be tested periodically and the treatment ongoing) and how is he going to determine when he is not contagious. He is a sensitive person and I know that he will get angry if I asked him these questions. I can make excuses not to see him at my house (this only goes so far). If I ask or make excuses, I’d lose his friendship. I don’t want to lose him as a friend. But, I don’t want him to infect me and my girl friend with the virus either, knowingly or unknowingly
I don’t see any warts on his hands and on his feet (he wears sandals sometimes). I don’t know if he plans to tell the girl he plans to get intimate with.
My girl friend doesn’t know about this. She will freak out if I tell her and that will cause more problems. Help!!!???!!!

If I were you I would ask him about the treatment he received for his warts. That would put your mind at ease. Besides, your friendship sounds like it’s on the brink anyway. And here’s a tip: you probably have lots of casual contact with many other people with genital warts without even knowing it — it’s a very common malady.

Thank you very much. I think he should also tell the girl about his genital warts before having sex with her. She must be given the option to reject or accept it. I also read that the virus can be passed just with skin-to-skin contact when there is a flare up. Is this true?
I feel bad about this. Although my friend is a responsible person, there is still a chance he could get carried away in the heat of passion and throw precaution and caution to the wind.
I imagine it is difficult to enjoy sex when you have to do and think of many things that could go wrong. Giving him my sympathy will not help. He alone has the burden of doing what has to be done before having sex to prevent contaminating his girl friend or spreading he genital warts around.
I will appreciate any additional information/clarification/advice you can give me about this.
Thank you again for your help.

Genital warts, like herpes, are contagious only when there’s a flair-up. Skin to skin contact can pass the virus at that point. Also, like herpes, if the genital wart virus has been treated, the likelihood of passing on the virus is negligible.

I am of the mind that we all ought to be responsible and up-front with our sex partners about any health related issues that might impact on their health.

Name: T
Gender: Female
Age: 46
Location: Canada
Do you have any suggestions about FE, I believe I have once and it was total bliss. But achieving it again is quite another.

FE??? Are you talkin’ Female Ejaculation, darlin”? Ok, let’s start with a little background.

The G-spot (or Grafenberg Spot after the physician who first wrote about it) is a small area of spongy tissue just behind the front wall of the vagina, between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix. This is analogous tissue to the male prostate. In fact, the G-spot is sometimes referred to as the female prostate. But like most things sexual, particularly if it has to do with female sexuality, there’s a lot of debate about whether the G-Spot is the same thing as the female prostate. I intend to steer clear of that controversy just as much as possible.

What I can tell you for sure is that during early fetal development both male and female fetuses start out being physically female? This does not change until a male fetus begins to produce its own hormones around the eighth week of gestation. Only then does the physical development of the male and female bodies diverge. Of course, this necessitates that female fetuses initially have structures that could develop into either “male” or “female” reproductive and sexual organs. This means the tissue that develops into the male prostate gland must also be present in women. Get it?

Many women report that their G-area is more sensitive to stimulation than othersquirtingpic5.jpg parts of their vagina. To find your very own G-spot, put two fingers in your pussy and curve them upwards, like toward your belly. Now make a “come here” motion, stroking the upper wall of your vagina with a firm, upward pressure. Feel that? That’s your G-spot, darlin’! How fun is this?

Fingering yourself like this will probably be more pleasurable if you’re already aroused. Some women have orgasms and/or ejaculate from G-spot stimulation, but not all women ejaculate and not all women find G-spot stimulation pleasurable….wouldn’t ya just know it!

Some women report that they feel like they need to pee when their G-Spot is stimulated. Therefore, I suggest. that before you go rootin’ around in your pussy lookin’ for your g-spot, that you completely empty your bladder. Oh and make sure your fingers are well lubricated throughout your exploration. Even if you have a lot of your own vaginal lubrication, I always suggest the use of a water-based lubricant to augment your own juices.

We all know that post-menopausal women experience bouts of vaginal dryness, but even younger women have dry episodes, especially if they are taking antihistamines or antidepressants.

If ya want to hit your G-spot while fucking, may I suggest you try “the woman-on-top — cowgirl” position or the “doggy” position. These are best because your partner’s dick will be better situated to hit the front wall of your pussy.

***Guys, most women need firmer pressure to the front of their pussy to have a G-Spot orgasm. This might best be accomplished by quick strokes and a lot of deeper friction.

Like I mentioned earlier, G-Spot stimulation may cause you to ejaculate a small amount of white or clear fluid. Some women produce more ejaculate than others. Just remember, the gushers…the ones you see in porno movies…are faked for your viewin’ pleasure. I mean, come on; some of these videos would scare the fuck out of Noah!

Enjoy your exploration, T. Like I always say, the more you know about the mysterious workins of your own personal pussy the more information you’ll be able to share with your own personal partners.

If you’re looking for a swell “how to” look here: Dr Dick’s How To Video Library:

Good luck ya’ll

 

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