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Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top

This tutorial is for anyone who is considering being a top, regardless of whether the meat injection is 100% prime, or a beef substitute (a strap-on dildo), these words of wisdom are for you.

What Ya Need To Know

Let’s get something clear right from the get-go. And this is for all you sticklers for semantics out there. The word “top” has several sexual connotations. There are of course BDSM tops, but generally they go by the moniker “dom”. And one can accurately say there a “top” in any sexual activity that involves an active and passive partner — such as cocksucking and watersports. But today’s lesson is for the active partner in butt sex. But you knew that already. Because all you had to do is read the title of this article to figure that out, huh?

Some folks just aren’t open to the idea of experimenting with their assholes. They think it’s gonna be painful, or worse, messy.

So first off, prospective tops, you don’t want to try buggering these folks. A good top should know it makes no sense at all to try to force or belittle an unwilling bottom to give up his or her rosebud. This is simply a waste of everyone’s time. Because if you do succeed in getting the unwilling bottom to relent, and the subsequent fucking attempt confirms the bottom’s earlier suspicions that this activity is indeed painful or gross or both, you’ll have won the skirmish, but lost the war. Remember, it takes two to tango.

Secondly. Before a top commences a fuck of any kind, they need to consider whose pleasure is primary in this particular fuck. There is a big difference between fucking for the top’s pleasure, for the bottom’s pleasure, or for mutual pleasure. For instance, if a top is trying to finesse a novice bottom into exploring ass fucking, that top needs to concentrate on the bottom’s pleasure first.

Start by getting the bottom comfortable being touched where the sun don’t shine. Lubricate your hand generously and massage the outside of their hole. Make some lazy little circles with your fingers and drive your bottom wild with desire. When their sphincter starts to quiver, as it surely will, slowly penetrate your bottom’s bottom with a lubricated fingertip. After a few minutes of just hanging out with your finger in there, you can begin to slowly slide your finger in and out. Be sure to take your time. Allow their muscles to adjust to being penetrated. You might want to incorporate a thin vibrating dildo and/or some expert rimming to pave the way for bigger things.

When a top fingers a bottom, they would do well, at this point, to reconsider the width of his dick or her strap-on. Once your bottom can take two fingers comfortably and three fingers with a minimum of discomfort, they’re ready to take a modest-sized cock or dildo. If you’re very well-endowed or you plan to strap on a monster dildo, you’d better adjust this finger-formula based on the width of your fingers and your equipment. And, you know, make sure your partner is aware of the girth of what awaits him or her.

A clean asshole is a fuckable asshole. Hygiene is essential for both tops and bottoms. Bottoms may wish to use a small bulb syringe and plain water to clean out a few hours before the event. And tops, once your cock or dildo has been inside your bottom’s ass, don’t go puttin’ that thang anywhere else until you’ve washed it down with soap and water. Carelessness in the hygiene department will only invite a very serious infection.

Making It Happen

Tops, be sure to use a good personal lube and have your favorite condoms within reach. Getting your bottom into the right position, one that is comfortable for both of you is paramount. There are way too many positions for me cover here, but when choosing a position, consider your preference, the bottom’s preference, your cock and/or dildo size, your body type and the bottom’s body type. You may find that a pillow or two positioned under your bottom’s pelvis will help support and prop up your bottom’s bottom in most positions.

Painful fucking is a sign that something is being done incorrectly. It is not a sign from God that ass fucking is wrong. In most cases, pain is due to a few predictable factors:

  • The bottom is too tense and is tightening up.
  • The top is being impatient and is pushing too hard too soon.
  • There may not be enough lubricant.
  • The cock or strap-on is too big for the bottom’s experience level.

Obviously, both people should be comfortable and feel pleasure from it. However, it’s perfectly fine, on occasion, to concentrate on one person’s pleasure over the pleasure of the other. Just make sure you both agree on whose pleasure is gonna be the focus of any given fuck.

Topping is a skill like any other. Practice will improve your technique. And while practicing, invite and listen to the feedback coming from your bottom.

The Top’s Handy-Dandy Tally Sheet

Ok, let’s review.

  1. Always use a lubricant. Both water-based and silicone- based lubricants are latex-compatible and highly recommended.
  2. Stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop. I’m not suggesting that you stop trying altogether; just don’t push yourself onto your bottom when he or she wants you to stop. Find the source of the problem—lubrication, position, whatever, resolve the problem, and resume the fuck.
  3. Take it slow. There is no need to rush, especially if you’re experimenting with anal sex for the first time.
  4. A bottom’s desire to be fucked will not insure pleasurable cornholing. It’s nice that he or she might want to surrender their ass, but that’s not gonna make it happen on its own.
  5. Always communicate with your bottom. Keep your communication playful and dirty. Tops, be open about what you want and how it’s feeling. “Oh baby, that’s right you’ve got such a tight hole. You want my big meat in your ass? Yes you do! Open up for daddy…or momma…as the case may be.” Get the picture?
  6. Spread the pleasure around. Keep your hands busy on the bottom’s clit or cock, at least initially. If the bottom can make the connection between the pleasure he/she is familiar with (cock or clit) with the new butt related sensations; then the battle has been won.

In Conclusion

Some experienced bottoms can orgasm with ass fucking alone. Women do so through pelvic muscle contractions and G-spot stimulation; men because of pressure applied to their prostate.

Oh, and here’s something you need to know. We all have two sphincter muscles. If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your ass and press your fingertip against the side you’ll find them both. There is less than a quarter-inch between them. The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system, which means you can tense and relax this sphincter at will. The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system making it involuntary. This muscle responds to fear and anxiety. It may cause your bottom’s hole to tense up automatically even if he or she is trying to relax.

Tops, remember the rectum is not straight. After the short anal canal that connects the asshole to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body, sometimes as much as 90 degrees. That’s way some people are anatomically less suited to ass fucking.

Finally, the best attribute a top can have is his or her sense of humor about the whole friggin’ deal. Fucking ain’t as easy as it looks, at least not at first. But perseverance will carry the day.

Good luck!

Splish-Splash

I don’t know what to attribute this too, but in the last three weeks I’ve received no less than six anonymous messages from people asking about watersports. Some are into it; some are horrified. One person was looking for a way to entice his partner into piss play. Here’s an example of the kind of messages I’m receiving.

Name: Paul
Gender: male
Age: 32
Location: Seattle
I hope this isn’t the first time you’ve gotten this kind of question but I’ve recently discovered that I have a urine fetish. And I guess what I want to know is if among gay men I am in a minority or what? Do you know of other guys out there who share my fetish? Also I’m in a relationship and I don’t think my boyfriend shares my interests so I was wondering if you might have some ideas on how to break the news to him. Thanks a lot.

A urine fetish, huh? Ok! Are you talking about what those in the know call watersports or golden showers? I think you’re telling me you like to play with your pee, or the pee of other folks, right?

Oh my god, this is like a totally popular fetish, and not just common among the gays, don’t cha know. I’m surprised that you haven’t encountered it in loads other people before now. Folks of every sexual stripe and persuasion are known to enjoy piss play. There’s even a scientific name for it: urophilia. Doesn’t that sound fun? Honey, guess what? I’m a urophiliac and you can be one too!

Hell, this is such a popular fetish that it has a full subset of associated fetishes. There are clothes wetting, bed-wetting and diaper fetishes, urinal fetishes and for the BDSM crowd there are humiliation scenes and bladder control scenes just to name a few.

Historically speaking, people have been drinking their own urine as an alternative medicine for as long as…well, as long as there’s been pee to drink. Bathing in urine is also very common in some cultures.

Curiously enough, watersports is not necessarily always a sexual fetish, although it can be sexual in nature. Activities where piss is taken internally (swallowed or received anally or vaginally) can be risky. The pee-ee will no doubt ingest any and all un-metabolized drugs — pharmaceutical as well as recreational — which were consumed by the pee-er. In some societies and in some situations, this is the actual intent — for example intensifying and prolonging the effects of a hallucinogenic drug.

Prospective pee drinkers should be aware that there are a few drugs that pass through the body either partly unchanged or entirely unchanged, like those nasty amphetamines and their derivatives. So it’s all together possible to get really high from drinking a druggie’s piss.

Finally, how do you come out as a pee-queen to your boyfriend? I’m of the mind that the direct approach works best. There’s less room for misunderstandings. You could come right out and ask him for what you want. Darling, meet me in the bathroom. I want to show you something really festive and entertaining. I mean, what homo’s not gonna fall for that?

A less assertive way would be to visit several golden shower oriented websites, they abound on the internet, ya know. Leave the page open for the BF to find. That will surely stir things up. And unless he’s as dense as a post, he’ll begin to get the message. You could also “accidentally” download a watersports video. That would, no doubt, open the desired discussion. “Holy cow honey, look what I got up by mistake. You wanna watch it? Isn’t this hot? Oh my god, I think I just wet my pants. Wanna see?”

Good luck.

Tease For Two

Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday and we have something truly unique for you today and it comes to us directly from the manufacturer, Wet For Her. This is a brand new company that features designs by Parisian lesbians. Can ya stand it?

For more on this, here’s Dr Dick Review Crew members Gina & Kevin.

Wet For Her Two —— $39.00

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “When we swung by Dr Dick pad to pick up our latest product for review, Kevin and I had such a laugh. When we were handed the Wet For Her Two, we though it was one of those gag novelty items you often see in adult stores.”
Kevin: “Absolutely! But upon closer inspection we discovered that Wet For Her Two is not a novelty in a joke sort of way, but a pleasure object that is designed in a novel way.”
Gina: “We probably should have known that our first impression was wrong because the Wet For Her Two packaging is simple but very smart-looking. There is no garish sexual depictions like one would expect to see on a novelty item. There is, however, a totally hot image of a bare-breasted woman holding two fingers over her nipple on the back panel of the box.”
Kevin: “I’ll say; it’s sizzlin’ alright! And the two finger placement over her nipple, besides being discreet, hints at what the Wet For Her Two is.”
Gina: “The Wet For Her Two is a very creative insertable that slips over your forefinger and middle finger an acts as an extension for your fingers so that you can manual penetrate yourself or your partner with ease. The first 3 inches or so of the toy are hollow, the last 2 inches solid. So you get how it works, right? It’s beautifully low-tech.”
Kevin: “When Gina says; “manually penetrate,” what she actually means is finger-fucking. That’s why the concept of finger extensions is such a novel, and I might add brilliant, idea. It makes finger-fucking effortless because the Wet For Her Two extends your reach. I’d never be able to finger Gina’s G-spot using my god-given fingers; they’re just too short. Kudos to the lesbian identified chicks who came up with this idea.”
Gina: “Yeah, leave it to lesbians to know their way around a pussy as well as know how to pleasure one. The Wet For Her Two is made of 100% body-safe silicone. It’s soft and pliable enough to feel your own internal temperature as well as your orgasmic contractions when they cum. That being said, I have to admit that I much preferred Kevin using the Wet For Her Two on me than me using it on myself. When I used it on myself, the palm of my hand covered my clit so that I could only use the heal of my hand to rub myself there.”
Kevin: “Believe me, I was happy to oblige Gina. Her G-spot orgasms are beautiful to behold. And up until this point, I’d been only able to make her cum with a dildo type insertable. Now that I have these finger extensions, I’m like doing it myself, without the help of a foreign object. There is one thing I need to mention though. Clearly the Wet For Her Two is designed for thinner, feminine fingers. It was a struggle to slip this thing over my fat, manly fingers. I wound up dabbing a bit of water-based lube on my fingers and inside the Wet For Her Two for easier insertion. That did the trick.”
Gina: “The Wet For Her Two is made to be shared. Because it’s silicone, it’s nonporous, phthalates-free, hypoallergenic, latex-free and waterproof. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. You can also sanitize it with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution. Drop it in a pot of boiling water or run it through the dishwasher; it’s all good!”
Kevin: “Speaking of sharing; I decided to take the Wet For Her Two for a spin up my ass. Anyone who follows our reviews knows I have penchant for repurposing any and all G-spot toys into P-spot toys. And I am happy to report that this baby worked like a charm. Guys, why struggle to massage your prostate with just your fingers when you can do so more easily and without the wrist strain with the Wet For Her Two.”
Gina: “But, just like me, Kevin preferred that I use the Wet For Her Two on him instead of him poking himself in the ass with it.”
Kevin: “It’s true! I’m perfectly able to diddle myself, but I love it when Gina takes over. Once she gets me warmed up with the Wet For Her Two, I’m all ready for her to peg me senseless with one of her strap-on dildos. YUMMY!”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

A Lusty Month of May Q&A Show — Podcast #275 — 05/02/11

Hey sex fans! Welcome back.

Let’s rock out this first podcast of the lusty month of May with our traditional Q&A format. I have a backlog of exceptionally interesting concerns from the sexually worrisome that have come to me as both email and voicemail.

Among today’s correspondents are:

  • Stan is trying to figure out who he is — gay, straight, whatever;
  • Liz has a GF who is missing out on some hot monkey love;
  • Michael is a meth addict, but he can’t bring himself to tell his doctor;
  • Linda wants to try nudism, but the hubby won’t because he has a little willie;
  • Matt wonders if he has “father hunger”;
  • John wants to stimulate his seminal vesicles;
  • Arthur is 76 and wants to bump a 68 year old woman;
  • Craig tuckers out too soon; he want to know what’s up with that.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Adam & Eve.com.

What’s up with me, Doc?

Can we talk about sexual orientation for a bit? I sure hope so, because I’m gonna go ahead and launch into it here, if you’re ready or not.

Among the load of email I get from the sexually worrisome in any given week, I will predictably get a handful of questions, mostly from guys, who are concerned that they might get gay.

The guys writing in are concerned enough by something that is going on inside of them that they’re compelled to broach the issue with me. I hasten to add that rarely are these communications the “Gee, I’m Mildly Curious” type. Rather they’re more likely to be the “Oh My God, What Wrong With Me?” type. They fear that they picked up queer cooties somewhere and their undies are all in a twist fearing they are scared for life. Ya know, kinda like the pox.

Then there are those who write in wanting to me to make sense of their sexual ramblings. They’ve been playing on both sides of the fence, so to speak; and they want me make the call. My response to each group of correspondents is virtually the same — for most of us sexual interests and behaviors are way more fluid than we care to acknowledge. For example, here’s young (20-year-old) Mel.

My first sex was with a guy, and then I got plenty of sex with girls. Then there was the time that I got fucked, it hurts on the first time but as it continued it started to feel tickly and I started to enjoy it. But I still like to have sex with girls. What do you think I am really?

What do I think you are, REALLY? Why would you want me, a total stranger, to offer an opinion on who you REALLY are? I mean, REALLY!

I gather you want me to weigh in on your sexual orientation, right? Well from the bit of information you give me, I’d say you’re able to swing both ways. And that’s a good thing, at least in terms of getting a date. You have it way over all the other folks who acknowledge being interested in only one gender.

Listen, all human sexuality is on a continuum. Have you ever heard of the Kinsey 0-6 scale? The dean of American sex research, Alfred Kinsey, his associate, Wardell Pomeroy, and their colleagues developed this scale as a way of classifying a person’s sexuality in terms of both behavior and fantasy.

This is what they developed.

0 represents an exclusive heterosexual person, who has no homosexual behavior or fantasy.
1 represents a predominantly heterosexual person, who may have incidental same sex feelings — most likely in fantasy only.
2 represents a predominantly heterosexual person, who has more than incidental same sex feelings and experience — fantasy for sure and probably behavior too.
3 represents an equally heterosexual and homosexual person, one who enjoys both other and same sex behavior and fantasy.
4 represents a predominantly homosexual person, who has more than incidental other sex feelings and experience — fantasy for sure and probably behavior too.
5 represents a predominantly homosexual person, who may have incidental same other sex feelings — most likely in fantasy only.
6 represents an exclusively homosexual person, who has no heterosexual behavior or fantasy.

These pioneering sexologists also discovered that an individual can, and often does move around on this scale at different periods in his/her life. So if you really want to know what you really are, look to both your fantasy life and your actual behaviors and make your call with that information. Just don’t be overly surprised if you find that you shift from one position to another as you grow into you sexuality.

Good luck!

To elaborate on what I just said to our young friend, Mel, I’m going to go all egghead on you. Because there is a body of sexual research that underscores just how complex this whole issue is.

For example, did you know that a recent study discovered that gay men and straight women have similar brain organization? It’s true!

Researchers in Sweden found that gay men and straight women share some characteristics in the area of the brain responsible for emotion, mood and anxiety. Brain scans also showed the same symmetry among lesbians and straight men. These findings were published in the prestigious journal — The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

The researchers quickly added that their study couldn’t determine whether the differences in brain organization were inherited or due to exposure to hormones, such as testosterone, in the womb. They were also unable to conclude if brain organization is responsible for sexual orientation.

Numerous other studies have examined the roles genetics, biology and environment play in sexual orientation. But little evidence exists that any one factor in particular plays the all-important primary role. This leads most scientists to assert that both nature and nurture play a part.

To make matters worse, some research contradicts other research, and some promising findings never pan out. (Did you know that there was once a belief that male homosexuality and finger length might be linked? Another, later discredited claim, suggested that gays have distinctive fingerprint ridge patterns.) And researchers never agree on how to interpret results even when they find a likely correlation.

Here are some fun facts you might find interesting.

• A study of 87,000 British men published in 2007 found that gay men have more older brothers than straight men do. Only big brothers count. And lesbians don’t show such patterns.

Ray Blanchard of the University of Toronto, an expert on the “big-brother effect” says that each older brother will increase a man’s chances of being gay by 33%. That’s not as dramatic as it might sound. A man’s chance of being gay is pretty low to begin with — perhaps as low as 2%. So having one older brother only ups the chance of being gay to only about 2.6%.

Curiously enough, this “big-brother effect” holds true even for gay men who weren’t raised with their older brothers. This leads researchers to believe the key to understanding this is in the mother’s womb. After giving birth to a boy, a woman’s immune system can create antibodies to foreign, male proteins in her bloodstream. Subsequent sons in the womb could be exposed to these “anti-boy” antibodies, which might affect sexual development in the brain. How freakin’ amazing is that?

• The hand you use to sign your name might have something to do with what gender you are drawn to.

An study containing more than 23,000 men and women from North America and Europe in the year 2000 found that being non-right-handed seems to increase a man’s chances of being gay by about 34%, and a woman’s by about 90%.

Again researchers guess that different-than-normal levels of testosterone in the womb — widely theorized to play a role in determining eventual sexual orientation — could nudge a fetus toward brain organization that favors left-handedness as well as same-sex attraction.

• If exposure to testosterone in the womb influences sexual orientation, scientists reckon that straight and gay people would differ in body parts strongly affected by testosterone, such as a guy’s cock.

Here we get back to Alfred Kinsey’s groundbreaking work. Researchers at Brock University in Ontario reviewed the data on 5,000 gay and straight men collected by Kinsey and his associates from the 1930s to the 1960s. Their results, published in 1999, showed that gay men had longer, thicker penises than did straight men. On average, about 6.5 inches long and 4.95 inches around when erect, versus 6.1 inches long and 4.8 inches around for straight men.

Again, no one can actually say for certain what this means. One guess is that some male fetuses are exposed to a unique mix of hormones in the womb. Testosterone levels might spike early, causing enhanced penis growth, then drop off later in pregnancy — leading to some feminine characteristics.

As you can see, there’s a still a lot of work to be done in this field. The next frontier looks to be in the subtle differences in how gay and straight brains navigate new cities, respond to erotic movies and react to the scent of sweat and urine.

Stay tuned!