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Bustin’ A Nut!

Soooo glad the holidays are over. I’m also looking forward to another year of doin’ the Dr Dick thing. Let’s kick things off with this oh so brief question from Chris.

Name: Chris
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Location: Portland, OR
Can a man have an orgasm without ejaculating?

You betcha, Chris! And not only that, but it is relatively easy for a man to become multi-orgasmic. On the other hand, it’s very, very rare indeed for a guy to be multi-ejaculatory. This phenomenon, while not completely unheard of, is generally something that only happens to young men.male_masturbation

It’s pretty evident to anyone who is paying the least amount of attention that an ejaculation is not the same thing as an orgasm. And anyone paying the least amount of attention would also know that it possible to ejaculate without having an orgasm. But that’s the problem isn’t it? Most of us men folk don’t really take the time to notice how our bodies work and so we miss the distinction between the two.

What do ya say we take a minute to discern the difference between an ejaculation and an orgasm? Maybe this will encourage those in my audience who haven’t stopped to notice, to pay a bit more attention to their sexual responses. When we shoot, or dribble as the case may be, a load, or dab as the case may be, of spooge out our cock; this is called an ejaculation. When we have undulating waves of pleasure that seems to rise up from deep inside our pelvis; this is an orgasm. There are big ones and smaller ones. Obviously, these two responses — ejaculation and orgasm — often happen simultaneously. In fact, the muscle contractions of the one often add to the intensity of the other. But still they are independent of one another.

Another thing, a guy can ejaculate and orgasm without an erection. Just because there’s no stiffy doesn’t mean the nerve endings are disconnected. But again, few men bother to discover the joys a soft cock is capable of. And some even have shame when they have difficulty getting an erection. That’s too bad, because it just adds to the performance anxiety.

1sexual_response_cycle_maleAn orgasm is an orgasm, regardless if you are a man or a woman. They are simply waves of pleasure generated by the release of sexual tension and the accompanying muscle contractions. If a guy is to become multi-orgasmic he’s got to learn to ride the wave without rushing to conclude the event with an ejaculation. Some guys do this through edge play, others through tantric sex practices. Either way, the end result is the same; prolonging the pleasure with the intention of building to an explosive orgasm, which may or may not include an ejaculation.

In terms of physiology, an ejaculation is merely a muscle reflex. These can happen independent of conscious pleasuring, like in a wet dream. The same is true for someone with a spinal cord injury. He will indeed ejaculate with the proper stimulus, he just can’t feel it. At the same time, both paraplegic men and women report having orgasmic feelings that are not the result of any genital contact. They say their orgasmic sensations come through kissing, nipple play, neck and ear stimulation, or other kinds of erotic touch.

I know several able-bodied men who also claim to have nipple-generated orgasms. I even jizz009knew a woman once who claimed she was able to “fantasize herself to orgasm.” Our bodies are amazing that way. Unfortunately, most of us never discover the tremendous capacities of our bodies because we condition ourselves to expect the same response from the exact same stimuli.

Ya know how some folks talk about having different kinds of orgasms — vaginal orgasms, G-spot orgasms, clitoral orgasms, prostate orgasms and the like? Well it’s not that one orgasm is physiologically different than another; it’s more an issue of how complex our bodies are. We are hot wired for pleasure in several places on our body. We can discover that stimulating different pleasure centers will achieve a similar response.

Men who don’t take the time to explore the capacities of their bodies basically lose out. It’s like having a $100,000 Ferrari automobile to drive. Then only driving it in first gear. We miss out on so much in our rush to cum. We conflate the two very different experiences — ejaculation and orgasm, leaving a vast territory of pleasure unacknowledged, let alone unexplored.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

All In A Day’s Work

There are so many interesting people out there on the web.  And many of them are doing their damnedest to make a difference in the lives of others. For example, the other day a young woman who has her own relationship advice website asked me if she could interview me for her site. I was very happy to oblige.

Her site is very different from mine in both style and presentation. One of the first questions she asked me is. “Why do you put such sexually explicit images on your site? It sometimes looks like a porn site. Doesn’t that take away from the advice you give?” Without coming right out and saying so, I believe she thought I should have a more formal presentation, a presentation that was befitting a professional of my stature. sexually explicit images

I told her, I add the images to be provocative. Most people who visit my site are already familiar with seeing sexually explicit images online. What they don’t get at those other sites is good, unambiguous, sex-positive information about human sexuality. I’ll be honest, I went on to say, I use the images to entice my audience to read the words around the images. It’s a psychological thing, ya see. Images, even those that may, at first glance, be off-putting can and do rivet one’s attention to the message I’m trying to communicate. Also the images make my site stand out from all the other professional oriented sites that offer similar sex advice. Besides, I like the way the site looks with all the images. I find it edgier as well as more interesting. After all, this is Sex Advice With An Edge!

Of course there is a downside to this. I’m approached on a regular basis by online advertisers; folks who would love to give me money in exchange for ad space on my very popular sites. And I’m all in favor of taking their money, don’t cha know. But more frequently than not, there are strings to this money. “Dr Dick, we would love to support you and your site, but we have to ask you to first rid your site of any sexually explicit image.” Well, fuck yourself very much! Is my retort. Of course, I try to say it in a real nice sorta way. I explain to my would be sponsors; ya see, this is how sexual repression begins. If I took your money and allowed you to dictate the kinds of images I could use on my site, in short order you would also be asking me to change my written and/or spoken content. And that, sex fans, I will never do, not even for some much needed financial support.

That’s when I hit upon the idea of having my audience help support the site. I added a DONATE button right there in the sidebar to your right, which you may or may not have noticed.  Ya see, infrastructure and administration for a free site like this is very costly. And instead of selling out to advertisers who want to censor my content, I invite all of you who enjoy DrDickSexAdvice.com and DrDickSexToyReviews.com to make a modest, once a year donation. Think of if as a holiday present to all you fellow sex fans. Your donation not only goes to supporting what you consume, but it underscores your social conscience. Your sponsorship helps disseminate badly needed sex education and sexual enrichment messages throughout the whole world. Hint, hint…I could use your support! I even have swell gifts to send to those who contribute as a certain level. Now doesn’t that sound just like your public television station?

jillin-off500Next my young interviewer asked, “If I could give one single piece of advice to her audience about sex, what would that be?” I love it when people ask questions like this. “Say Dr Dick, let’s sum up your life’s work in a sentence or two.” I tried to be gracious and come up with a pithy response that wouldn’t sound trite. I thought for a moment and said, “masturbation!” “Ahhh, what about masturbation exactly?” she inquired. I said, “everything.” She sounded perplexed. I suppose I was being a wee bit too pithy with my one-word answers.

So I went on to elaborate. Ya see masturbation is the key to a successful sex life. It is the most basic building block of all sexual expression. If we take the time to learn everything that masturbation has to teach us about ourselves, both in terms of physical and mental responses, we will be well on our way to being a really great lover. And the best thing about masturbation is that nature supplies all the motivation, because masturbation is it’s own reward. It’s pleasurable, informative, particularly if you pay the slightest attention, and you don’t need a thing other than what has already been supplied by nature.

Just about every sexual dysfunction I can think of has at its root a lack of understanding and appreciation for simple self-pleasuring. Some people never learn how to masturbate. Most of these folks are women, who then are set up for a lifetime of sexual frustration and disappointment. Some people learn to masturbate early in life. Most of these folks are men. But just because they can pull their pud with relative ease, doesn’t make them a student of self-pleasuring. In fact, a lifetime of mindless jerkin’ off can be counterproductive. Years and years of quick wanking just to relieve sexual tension, or just because one is bored, is the major contributing factor of premature ejaculation.

If we spent at least some of our masturbation time acquainting ourselves with our body and our sexual response cycle, we’d not only be male_masturbationpleasuring ourselves, but we’d be learning what makes us tick. And that, my friends, is essential information we’ll want to pass on to our partners.

One of the biggest problems with partnered sex is that most women and a whole lot of men think that their partner should know exactly how to pleasure them, right from the get-go. This is incredibly naive if you stop to think about it. Just because each of us has a relatively similar configuration of parts down there, as does every one else, that doesn’t mean we all function the same way. Each of us is unique, not just in terms of our physical attributes and how we’re hot-wired, but more importantly what turns our crank in our biggest sex organ, our mind.

My interviewer than came up with a humdinger, “since so many people have difficulty expressing themselves sexually, why do you suppose they bother?” I suppose they bother because they are driven to bother. For starters, we’re animals and sex is part of the biological imperative of all animate things. Lots of people muddle through the complexities of sexual coupling just so they can replicate. Once that’s done they don’t bother further. For those who aren’t particularly successful in finding a mate for this purpose they can always burn off excess sexual tension on their own…which gets me back to my masturbation comments. You see how all this sex stuff tends to make a big circle, right?

As our forebears evolved and advanced farther from their mere biological urges to something that more closely resembles modern human motivation, their rapidly developing brains began to play a larger the role in dictating their sexual expression. Pleasure soon began to compete with procreation as the dominant reason for exercising our sexuality. Of course, we often run into problems when seeking out another to satisfy our pleasure, which gets me back to my earlier point, but we do nonetheless.

As humans began to develop societies along with culture came religion. Inevitably sexuality became intertwined with that too…not always for the better. On the upside, the earliest religions and gods welcomed and celebrated sexuality and an integral part of human nature. There were sacred prostitutes and sexual orgies were part of religious expression. Unfortunately, these religions and gods didn’t fair well in their upcoming struggle with more militaristic and male dominated religions and gods. Basically the old religions and gods were outlawed and persecuted. A new era of sexual repression was upon us. But even today, one can hear the echo of this ancient tradition. There are some among us who firmly believe that sexuality is the best means to communing with the divine.

Erotic Fresco Painting From Pompeii

As human societies became more complex, the role of sexuality also changed. In a male dominated culture sex was more about aggression and ownership than anything else. The pleasure principle, at least the concept of mutual pleasure disappeared. Women were on the receiving end of this assault, of course. And as a consequence a man never had to bother himself with the niceties giving to get. He just took. Centuries upon centuries of culturally sponsored behavior like this has created a sexual male that is unversed at best and resistant at worst to the idea of mutuality with his partners. The “get it up, get it on and get it off” mentality leaves little room for female sexual expression.

lesbian_tickle.jpgOnly recently, with the rise of the women’s movement, have things begun to change. Happily, some of us men folk are getting the message that that pleasuring one’s mate will actually result in an abundance of more pleasure for them. A novel concept for most of us, don’t cha know. Alas, this still leaves us with the pressing problem that began this discussion. Most men, particularly young men, are unfamiliar with the workings of their own bodies and sexual response cycle. They are absolutely clueless about the great mysteries of the female anatomy and how all those blasted things works.

So we fall upon one another in this hit and miss manner, missing more often than we hit, sadly. And yet we persevere. All I’m saying is if we all took a little more time before for the event to introduce our partner to the peculiarities of our own bodies, there would be more hits than misses. Of course, that’s dependent on having a much better sense of ourselves than most of us do.

Nowadays, it’s très chic to fuck for a myriad of more interpersonal reasons. These include — self-expression, creativity, self-esteem and emotional satisfaction. With motivations like these, physical desirability of the potential partner often plays a much larger role than ever before. This gives rise to the innumerable industries out there that prey upon our natural insecurities. Think of all the ways in which we measure ourselves and one another. And who among us does not find ourselves wanting in one aspect or another? Either our cock isn’t big enough, our tits are too small. We’re too short or too tall, too fat or too thin, too young or too old, too much hair or not enough. We’re the wrong color, or ethnicity, too rich or too poor. Didn’t go to the right school or live in the wrong neighborhood. And the list goes on and on. With all this worry and anxiety it is, as my young interview suggested, a wonder that we ever connect at all.kissing.jpg

Then there’s the “L” word — LOVE. This is the most complicated, irrational and inexplicable of all motivations for connecting with another human on any level, least of all sexually. While love may go a long way to blind us to the inescapable insecurities that plague us all — you know how they say that love is blind — it isn’t always enough to overcome sexual dysfunction. And here is where the sex advice industry, of which I am a proud practitioner, enters the picture.

Good Luck

Nice Try!

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday and we welcome back Dr Dick Review Crew member, Jada, for today’s review. She’s here with another LELO product.

Tiani by LELO —— $145.24

Jada
I used to have an almost reverential admiration for the LELO brand. The Dr Dick Review Crew has reviewed numerous products from their line. You can see all our reviews HERE!  Anyway, way back when, LELO was on the vanguard of exceptional pleasure products. But something tells me they are slipping farther and farther off the cutting edge.

Nowadays, there are more than a few companies that are producing remarkable toys. The Leaf brand jumps immediately to mind.  And most of these companies also have a social conscience, at least in terms of their packaging and the like, which leaves LELO in the dust.

Take today’s product, the Tiani, as an example of what I am talking about. I was delighted I was asked to review this product and I wanted to like it way more than I could. So you have to know that I had a decidedly positive inclination toward the Tiani before I actually put it to the test.

Where to start? For all intents and purposes, the Tiani, is LELO’s answer to (knock-off of) the WE-Vibe 3.  And it’s not all that of successful effort. I own a WE-Vibe 3, so I can’t help making the comparison.

The Tiani, like the WE-Vibe 3 is a vibe you can insert into your vagina and “wear” while you have intercourse. There are two motors — one in the insertable end, and one in other end, which is intended for clitoral stimulation. It, like its competition, comes with a remote control device. The LELO model is supposed to be sensitive to motion; every movement you or your partner makes as you/he/she holds the remote is converted to a vibration. Problem is this can lead to very intense or very weak vibrations at the wrong times. And herein lies most of the problem. The remote is supposed to be effective up to 20 feet, but it was inconsistent, at best, even at even 2 feet. And often it simply shuts off for no apparent reason at all. Well you can imagine how frustrating that is.

Another problem with the Tiani is its design. It does not stay in place. The inserted end of the vibe, which is supposed to stimulate my G-spot, doesn’t, or it didn’t for me. It’s too damned short.

On the plus side; the Tiani, is crafted from beautiful, silky silicone. But the silkiness of the silicone is part of the problem; this is what makes the toy slip out of place. It is, however, waterproof, which is one of the features I enjoyed the most.

Like all fine silicone toys, you can only use a water-based lube with this toy. But you know that already, huh? Clean up is easy with mild soap and warm water. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.

While the Tiani itself is rechargeable, the remote is not. It requires 2-AAA batteries. That’s dumb! In its favor, the vibe’s motors are pretty powerful and fairly quiet. The unit charges discreetly and it has a travel lock too.

Take care to store the vibe and its remote control separately. I didn’t and that was a mistake. The silicone on the vibe puffed up and began to peel. Apparently there was some reaction between the controller and the vibe itself.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Vatican Roulette

Name: Ricardo
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: Miami
I have understood that there is a certain period while women have their period that they can have unprotected sex without risk of getting pregnant, is this true? And if it is when is this period? After or before the PMS? And how long does it last? Thanks.

Nope, darlin’, there’s no such thing as a 100% foolproof, absolutely certain period in a woman’s menstrual cycle that she can have unprotected sex without the risk of gettin’ pregnant. This is a myth, and a mighty risky myth at that. If you’re considering this practice as an effective means of birth control, you’re playing Russian Roulette, or better Vatican Roulette, with your dick.

Ok so here’s the low-down on the rhythm method also known as “fertility awareness.” It is not a reliable way to prevent pregnancy for most people. Over 25% of couples that rely on the rhythm method to prevent pregnancy will accidentally conceive. Ya see, one has to be a freakin’ rocket scientist to use the rhythm method correctly and consistently. A woman is generally infertile around 10 days a month. Make one slight miscalculation on when that infertile period begins and you gonna be toast.

The rhythm method is dependent on the couple not have sex around the time of ovulation. But the trick is accurately determining precisely when ovulation happens. Couples can try to track this by using a calendar and a thermometer to measure body temperature. A woman’s temperature will rise a coupe of degrees just before ovulation. But very few women are as regular as clockwork. And lots of things, like stress, prescription medications, even antihistamines can throw a woman’s cycle of by a day or two. The fertile period around ovulation lasts 6 to 12 days. So absolutely no unprotected fucking during this period.

Even when used perfectly, the rhythm method is a highly ineffective means of avoiding a pregnancy. That’s because the methods formula makes several assumptions that are not always true. Sure, one can keep track of past menstrual cycles to predict the length of future cycles. However, the length of the pre-ovulatory phase can vary significantly, depending on a woman’s over all health. Like if for some reason she ovulates early, this will fuck up the rhythm method formula big time. The formula will indicate she is still infertile, when actually she is quite fertile. Look out!

The rhythm method also assumes that all vaginal bleeding is true menstruation. But that’s simply not the case. If you incorrectly identify the onset of menstruation, even by one day, you’ll render your calculations inaccurate. Again, you will be toast, pup.

And consider this, sperm can live in a woman’s reproductive system for up to 7 days. And fertilization may occur even days after fucking. I mean with risks like these, wouldn’t it be safer and easier just to slip on a condom?

If by chance you are trying to reconcile your religious indoctrination (the rhythm method is the only means of family planning embraced by the Catholic Church) and your youthful libido, you may be playing with fire. In the final analysis, it’s not only your life that’s on the line here. Think about it; wear a rubber.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Learning the ropes

Name: James
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Location: Alaska
I am gay. I still have trouble saying that because of my very conservative upbringing, but that is not what I need help with today. I had my first few sexual encounters the other week with this great understanding, older guy. When he was blowing me it felt great, however I wasn’t able to cum during the oral sex. Is this normal? And is there anything I can do to change that? Thank you so much for any help, and the chance to say something to someone about being gay. I don’t get to talk about issues in this genre because of the taboo-ness of the issue. Thanks a lot- James

Wow, sorry to hear you’re living in such a repressive environment, pup. I hope that changes for you soon. Just remember, change is gonna begin with you. The longer you put up with the repression the harder it will be to break its grip.

Coming out is rarely a breeze for anyone. This is especially true for those, like yourself, who were raised in a conservative home. But then throwing off the shackles of oppression, however they present themselves, will make you a much better person in the long run. Like the old saying goes; “If you allow someone to control your sexuality, you allow that person to control all of you.” So nothing reverses the repression quicker than exercising your sexuality on your own terms.

As to the oral sex question you raise, I’ve written a whole lot about that already. You might want to glance over to the sidebar and look for CATEGORIES pull down menu. Look for the main category — Sex Therapy. Then look for the subcategory — Ejaculation Concerns.You’ll find a load of written postings and podcasts.

The gist of what I’ve had to say about this is; it’s not uncommon for a guy not to get off with just a blowjob. This is particularly true for someone who is new to the whole hummer thing. There’s also the distinct possibility that the guy doin the blowin’ may not be a particularly talented cocksucker. It happens! It happens a lot, believe me.

That being said, there are things you can do to change this if that’s what you really want. First and foremost, you need to communicate with your partner on how he’s doing down there. Ya see most of us guys get real used to the feel of our hand on our wang while jerkin-off. After years of practice we get our stroke down to a science. We know exactly when to apply more pressure, or loosen our grip. We know exactly when to speed up the stroke and when to ease off. We know exactly when to yank on our balls or stick a finger in our ass and diddle our prostate. We know all of this because our body is giving us constant feedback all the time we’re playin’ with ourselves.

On the other hand, the cocksucker between our legs isn’t gettin that kind of immediate sensory feedback, so he’s not gonna know what to do when. That is, unless you tell him. And it’s really ok to give the guy a little direction. A talented cocksucker, of course, will already know how to ask you for feedback. After all, he’s new to your cock and his experience tells him that all cocks respond the same why to the same stimulus.

Another thing you can do is relax. There’s not a whole lot of “shoulds” when it comes to sex. So the more relaxed you are the more you will be able to enjoy the pleasure. If your mind is all busy with dumb shit like — oh my god, I’m not gettin off, what must he think of me? — then you’re not in the moment and the pleasure is wasted on you.

Finally, the best way to learn how to receive a good blowjob is to become a fabulous cocksucker yourself. Smokin’ you some fine pole is an art form. It’s way more than simply than rappin’ your lips around a bloke’s dick. The more you understand about superior cocksucking the better you’ll be at guiding your partners through the fine points of eatin’ you meat. So get out there and get some experience.

Not sure what to do when faced with a big beautiful baloney pony? Well, you’re in luck. Check out my sexual enrichment tutorial: So Ya Wanna Be A World-Class Cocksucker …OR HOW TO GIVE THE PERFECT BLOW JOB.

Good Luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!