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SEX WISDOM With Katie Querna — Podcast #426 — 09/03/14

Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

I have an important announcement before we begin. We are coming to an end of an era. This week and next marks the end of my career as a podcaster. I’m just a couple months short of my 8th anniversary of podcasting and I’ve decided that enough is enough.

The truth is, I have a bunch of other projects that I want to spend time on and I have only so much time to allocate; thus something had to give. I am exceptionally proud of the quality programming I’ve brought to you, my international audience. Over the last seven plus years I’ve presented a variety of extraordinarily informative, enriching and entertaining shows—interesting interviews, enlightening Q&A and even some fun adult product reviews. And, I’m happy to report, all my podcasts are archived here on my site and they will remain so for the foreseeable feature. So I hope you will visit often.

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Alrighty then; I want to go out with a bang, so to speak, so I’d like to introduce you to a remarkable woman who is just beginning her career in the field of human sexuality. And as you probably can guess, this is the SEX WISDOM show. This series has generally involved chats with learned colleagues well established in our field, but every now and again I had a hankerin’ to check in with those people who are just starting out in this field. I tell you, it reassures me no end to know that brilliant young folks are picking up the sex-positive banner and carrying it forward. And I am delighted to welcome one such person to my show today. I am delighted to introduce you to my good friend, colleague, and real life neighbor, Katie Querna.

Katie and I discuss:

  • The nature of our relationship;
  • The Columbia School of Social Work and The University of Washington School of Social Work;
  • Gender and sexuality studies;
  • Lifelong AIDS Alliance;
  • Designer vaginas;
  • Plastic surgery and self-worth;
  • Sensuality, sexuality, and intimacy;
  • Masculinity, intimacy, and the fear of the feminine;
  • Intuition, sensation, and perception vs. science.

Katie invites you to visit her on her site HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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The SEX WISDOM of PJ Raval — Podcast #421 — 06/16/14


Hey sex fans, welcome back.

Our Pride Month extravaganza continues, but we will be shifting gears a bit today.PJ 02

After two weeks visiting with a noted Australian author, Benjamin Law, with his unique perspective on the gay scene in Asia, we circle back home to meet an equally remarkable personality who is making waves with his groundbreaking move, Before You Know It.

This is the SEX WISDOM show and I have the distinct pleasure of welcoming the award winning filmmaker and documentarian, PJ Raval. He is here to discuss his movie, which features three senior and elder gay men. I know, what in the world was he thinking?

PJ goes out of his way to make the invisible visible by shining his spotlight on an often-ignored segment of our youth-oriented culture and the result is nothing short of stunning. Stay tuned as we find out how and why.

PJ and I discuss:

  • Kyle Henry who brought us together;
  • The role of the editor in creating filmmaking art;
  • The documentary and how it is different from fictional story telling;
  • How he came to choose the film’s subject matter;
  • Storytelling tapping into something more universal;
  • The community of independent filmmakers;
  • The difference between documentary filmmaking and journalism;
  • His editorial style;
  • The public viewing experience;
  • Before You Know It…a cautionary message;
  • Who is PJ Raval;
  • How long it took him to create his film;
  • Chasing the money.

PJ invites you to visit him on his movie’s site HERE! And be sure to like his film’s page on Facebook HERE! His movie even has its own twitter feed. You’ll find it HERE!

(Click on the movie poster below to find out more about PJ’s movie.)

before you know it

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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Sobriety & Sex

Name: Gregg
Gender: Male
Age: 40
Location: Seattle
Since getting sober now almost 8 years ago I am very tense about sex and I feel as though I have lost my mojo. I am unable to relax and be intimate with a man and I am thinking I need an intimacy coach or sex coach, or something. Perhaps someone with tantra training who can help me find a comfort level with my body again and being touched and touching another.

Hey, thanks for your interesting question. Sadly, yours is not an uncommon concern. In fact, I just finished an 8-week group for men in recovery who were dealing with similar intimacy issues. A lot of the work we did together was helping one another reestablish a sense of trust.

legs & bootsSo many of us gay men start out our sexual lives with alcohol and/or drugs to help us overcome our inhibitions as well as a means of dulling some of the anti-gay messaging that comes to us from the world around us. Sometimes, the substances take hold of us and instead of we being in control the substances are in control. There was one guy in the group I just mentioned who is in his 5o’s, and he confessed to the group that before he got clean and sober, a couple years ago, he had never had sex sober. And he had been sexually active since his early twenties.

Substance abuse can rob us of more than just our dignity. It often effects our sexual response cycle in ways that diminish our ability to enjoy our sexuality. Men often report erection problems and women report arousal phase problems when they come off booze and or drugs. This, as you suggest, impacts on our comfort level in all intimate situations. If our parts aren’t working like we would want them to, we’d rather avoid intimate contact rather than be embarrassed. So, in other words, when we rid ourselves of the substances that once enabled us, we often need to relearn how to be ourselves, particularly in intimate situations.

Learning to trust others enough to open ourselves to others, even with our “brokenness,” is the key to regaining our sense of sexual self. We need to learn how to overcome our shame, which often gets in the way of reaching out to others. And if some of our shame is unresolved internalized homophobia, well then, we really have some work to do.tit bite

I think you’ve hit upon the perfect solution to your pressing problem. Working with a sex coach or intimacy coach is definitely one way to go. For those challenged, as you are, verbal therapy is great. But there is no substitute for actual hands-on therapy.

I know several people who have been helped by a surrogate partner or a sexual healer. I applaud you for thinking so creatively. Of course, finding the right person to work with will be a challenge. And I should mention that other helping professionals, even some sexologists, do not always look upon these kinds of interventions as legitimate. That’s a pity, but what are ya gonna do.

As you know, there are loads of sex workers out there. Unfortunately, very few have the training needed to provide surrogate partner therapy, or understand the delicate issues that a trained sexual healer must deal with. I hope you find what you are looking for.

If you need someone to discuss this with further, give me a shout. You’ll find my contact information on either the ABOUT page or the THERAPY AVAILABLE page in the header above.

Good luck

Sex Play — Tips and Techniques

ANOTHER SEXUAL ENRICHMENT TUTORIAL

Beginning Sex Play — Tips and Techniques

The most frequent questions I get are from your average Dick and Jane, (or Dick and Dick, or Jane and Jane) who want to spice up their sex life. Inevitably they describe the kind of sex they’re currently having. And almost universally the description makes this grown man cry. Jeez, the boredom. How do they stand it? It’s a wonder any of them are having any sex at all.

What is it with the humdrum, run of the mill, and the “we’ve always done it that way mentality?” Are ya’ll afraid that if you add a little something new to your sex chore, from time to time, that the sky will fall? Holy cow!

Today’s tutorial is another attempt to motivate you to get off your butts and make something interesting happen in the sex department. We’ll begin with what was once called foreplay.

First off, I hate the word “foreplay” because it suggests that all these really great sex activities are only a lead up to a single “more important” activity — fucking. It also implies that ya’ll can dispense with the one in order to hurry up and get to the other. And that, my friends, is always a huge mistake.

do-not-disturb.jpgFrom now on I want us to banish “foreplay” from our vocabulary. Instead let’s start using “Sex Play.” It says it all, and it makes no suggestion that anything in particular must follow.

I’m of the mind that we’d all be better served if we thought of sex play as a continuum of pleasure and pleasuring — with a beginning, middle and an end. If you ask me, our sex play ought mirror our sexual response cycles — arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. That way we’re less likely to overburden one particular activity at the expense of all the others. Get it? Got it? Good!

Experienced sex fans agree; the best sexual encounters include an extended period of sensual play at the beginning of most sex play. This brings increased pleasure to both partners, and will make whatever else that might follow more satisfying. Just remember, sex play can be a meal in itself.

Sex play brings spice to the encounter because it gets our motors started. Even all you major sex athletes out there who are perpetually primed for sex will benefit from some hearty sex play. It will help cool your jets and make the encounter last longer than a firecracker. And I know that you know what I mean!rose-flogger

In our hectic rush around world, sex play is particularly important. It helps us transition from the daily cares and woes to the realm of sensual pleasures. The workaholics among us need more time to become fully aroused. Their minds are still filled with the junk of the day, and not yet ready to give or receive pleasure. And pleasuring and being pleasured takes a big attitude shift from that of the rest of the day. In fact, if you’re gonna approach sex and pleasuring with the same mindset you have on the job or with the kids, give it up now and be done with it. You’ll only walk away from the encounter disappointed.

Heart PadlockSex play primes us for maximum pleasure. Men will have the time we need to come to full erection and women will have the time they need to properly lubricate. By the way, this is called the arousal stage in our sexual response cycle. But you probably know that already, right?

When we stop thinking of sex play as “foreplay” we realize there is no such thing as spending too much time giving and getting pleasure. If sex play evolves into full-on fucking — SWELL. Both partners will be fully aroused and fucking will flow naturally and effortlessly from the pleasure enjoyed at the beginning of sex play.

Sex play can include everything from chocolate and whipped cream to whips and chains. But let’s not get too far ahead of our selves. Let’s start at the beginning of sex play. Most people miss out on the pleasure of undressing with and for their partners. Stripping out of, or being helped out of our daily wear and into something sexy or nothing at all can be very arousing. It’s also a visual signal that we’re shifting out of our work-a-day world and entering the realm of sensuality. Stripping is an art form, ya know. We could all learn a lesson or two from the folks who do this for a living, but there’s more about this in another tutorial — The Big Tease; How to Strip for Someone Special.Kama Sutra Body Souffle

Creating the right sex environment is important too. Make sure the room is warm. Proper lighting and music will surely add to the mood. Scents are also important. More and more people are incorporating erotica into their sex play — reading a sexy story together or enjoying some hot porn will make the encounter memorable.

Most women complain that their partners don’t kiss long enough and rush the kissing to get at their pussy. Guys, what the fuck? You want pussy? Use your mouth to maximum advantage kiss and nibble all over everything. Literally devour your partner with your mouth. Believe me, if you do this right, by the time you get to her pussy she’s gonna want to give it up big time.

Sex play is the perfect time for setting the mood for all that might follow. It’s a time for sharing fantasies, role-playing, dirty talk or some full body massage. Always have some nice lotion available then use your hands, forearms, feet and elbows to knead your partner’s muscles and naughty bits.

GOK small coverCertain areas on the body are more hot-wired than others. It’s your job to find each and every one your partner has. As you massage vary your strokes and touch to stimulate your partner. Roll your fingertips across his or her nipples and behind his or her ears as you kiss him and tease her with your tongue.

If you’re doin things right, your partner will be moaning with pleasure. If she or he starts getting impatient it’s time to bring out the restraints. There’s nothing like some hot erotic bondage to punctuate your sex play.

While your darling is subdued and possibly blindfolded, crank things up a notch. Add different sensations and stimuli, a warm chocolate sauce followed by ice cream. A fur mitt followed by a Loofah. Introduce some sex toys — a vibrator, tit clamps, or an anal stimulator.

Don’t forget to check in with your partner from time to time. Ask for some feedback and direction. Do you like this? Or do you like this better? Never presume to know what your partner likes simply because he or she liked it before, this is a recipe for boredom and the dreaded bed death. If words fail you, SHOW your partner what you want. Then encourage your partner to do the same to younipple_clamps.jpg.

Sex play is not about pressing the right buttons in the right order. It is about understanding what makes your partner tick and supplying and applying those things to their greatest sensual advantage. There are many ways to give your partner extreme pleasure, and it all begins in your brain. Sex play is as much of an art form as it is a necessity.

Finally, the basic premise behind all of this is that a great lover is one that gives pleasure because it is its own reward, not a means to getting something else.

Good luck ya’ll

Sex EDGE-U-cation with bendyogagirl — Podcast #352 — 10/31/12


Hey sex fans, welcome back.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Ya wanna hear something really scary? We haven’t had a Sex EDGE-U-cation show since late April. Now that’s just not right. Luckily, I have the solution to that dilemma on tap today. We welcome back the series that takes a look at the world of fetish sex, kink and alternative lifestyles and we do so with a remarkably talented, wickedly funny, and oh so pervy woman who has just relocated to the Emerald City from Boston. Hurray for us, bad luck for Bean Town.

My guest goes by the moniker, bendyogagirl. She is an educator, activist and woman of enormous wisdom. And if think those adjectives suggest boring, straight-laced or even wholesome, you have another thing coming. We will be touching on all sorts of edgy stuff and we’ll be sure to keep a smile on your face as we do so.

bendyogagirl and I discuss:

  • Her trip west;
  • Being a geek-hag and a goddess of ontology
  • The play aspect of kink;
  • Spiritual awakenings through kink;
  • Bottoming in contrast to topping;
  • Her classes on connection and intent;
  • Everything she learned about polyamory came from monogamy;
  • Kink as a context;
  • Body language and energy play.

For more of bendyogagirl visit her website HERE! Her blog HERE! Find her on Fetlife HERE! And follow her on Twitter HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

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