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Max, Part 2 — Podcast #114 — 04/15/09

Hey sex fans,

We’re back with my guest, Max, the Seattle-based bondage artist, educator and Dom.  This is Part 2 our chat in this podcast series called Sex EDGE-U-cation.   As you know, max-picthis series is all about the world of fetish sex, kink and alternative sexual lifestyles.

Max and I will be exploring all sorts of interesting topics; not least among them is his polyamorous life with Mistress Matisse and the oh so charming Lorelei.

If you somehow missed Part 1 of our conversation, look for last week’s podcast, #113 on the PODCAST PAGE at the top of this page.  Or simply use the site’s search function.  Type in podcast #113; don’t forget to include the # sign.

Just a quick aside…as most of you know I was one of the many presenters at the Seattle Fetish & Fantasy Festival this past weekend.  When I wasn’t teaching I had an opportunity to sit in on a couple of the other fine workshops offered by some of the Northwest’s most illustrious kink educators.  And I’m here to tell you, as delightful and informative and Max is in this podcast conversation, this medium does not compare to Max in front of a live audience with a length of rope in one hand and beautiful Lorelei in the other.  They are phenomenal together, and not to be missed.

Max and I discuss:

  • The role of endorphins and adrenaline in power play.
  • BDSM as both recreation and catharsis.
  • Polyamory, a working definition.
  • Poly-fidelity and cohabitation.
  • Developing a vocabulary for discussing poly structures.
  • Managing a poly relationship — jealousy and compersion.

Be sure to visit Max at his website HERE!

See a slideshow of some of Max’s work.  Click on the thumbnails below.

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Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: FetishMovies.com.

Sex EDGE-U-cation with Max – Podcast #113 – 04/08/09

Hey sex fans,

Today I have the distinct pleasure of welcoming the Seattle-based, yet internationally known and respected, bondage artist, educator and Dom, who goes by the name Max.  We will be exploring all sorts of interesting topics; not least among them is his polyamorous life with max-picSeattle’s finest professional Dominatrix, Mistress Matisse. This is exciting and thought provoking stuff, sex fans.  You don’t want to miss this.

Max is my latest guest in this new series of podcast interviews I’m doing called Sex EDGE-U-cation .  As you know, we’re taking a look at the world of fetish sex, kink and alternative sexual lifestyles. We are touching on topics both familiar and exotic.  We are chatting with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles from all over the world.

Max and I discuss:

  • Seattle being a hotbed of perversion.
  • How BDSM, polyamory and kink infuse his life.
  • His role as an educator and activist.
  • His workshops at The Center For Sex Positive Culture and his private lessons.
  • Safety and compatibility issues between top and bottom.
  • Building intimacy through BDSM.
  • Differentiating between BDSM, kink and genital sex.

Be sure to visit Max at his website HERE!

See a slideshow of some of Max’s work.  Click on the thumbnails below.

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Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

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Can’t Give It Away

Name: Dave
Gender: male
Age: 40
Location: Wisconsin
I have a boyfriend that I love very much. We have been together for over 6 years and we care for one another very much. The problem is that we never have sex. The last time was probably two years ago and that time he just took care of me and that was it. I haven’t seen him climax in years. I asked him if there’s a problem with me and he says no. I know he still has a sex drive because I’ve caught him masturbating once. When I bring up the subject he says he knows we need to work on it but that’s as far as it goes. I know he’s not cheating, but I can’t say the same about myself. Should I feel guilty for seeking sex outside our relationship without his permission? In the past I’ve felt horrible about this, but my frustration is overriding my guilt. But it still bothers me because I am not being the moral person I was raised to be. I’ve asked him about opening our relationship, but he doesn’t like that idea either. What am I supposed to do?

Sad to say there’s not much a couple can do to either beef up a sex drive or cool one down, when one or the other partner has no will to do so. And I would say that if you guys have been living successfully like this for four years, there’s little chance of turning this around. I understand your frustration about the sex thing, but I also hear you say that everything else is pretty OK.

So let me ask, is the sex thing with your partner so important that you want to risk upsetting the whole apple cart?oh-oh

If, as you say, you are feeling guilty about going outside your relationship to find the sexual satisfaction you need and want, then it is high time for you to have a chat with your partner and pound out some new relationship perimeters. The tension you are experiencing between your sexual desires and your moral compass is a real good thing. It ought not be denied. But like I always say, these can be very difficult negotiations to hammer out. However, not to try to come to some kind of accommodation to insure the sexual health and wellbeing of both is, I believe, a form of sexual abuse.

You might consider the upfront approach:  “Honey, I can’t live without sex.  You and I haven’t been sexual together for ages.  I can no longer abide the status quo.  Here’s what I propose. You are my partner; I love you very much.  I will always bring you the gift of my sexuality first.  And I give you the right of first refusal.  If you’re not interested, I will honor that and not pester you for what I need and desire.  However, if that’s the case, I intend to look for what I need elsewhere. Living without partnered sex is no longer an option for me.”

The important thing here is, regardless how you approach the subject, there’s no need to sink to the lowest common denominator.

But, for the sake of argument, let’s just say that your hubby is still interested in sex, maybe even sex with you.  Perhaps you could be asking yourself; is the sex you have with your partner is just boring? And you’re misinterpreting his boredom as disinterest? You say he masturbates. What’s in his mind (or on the computer) when he does? Would you even know? Ever thought of asking? Maybe he’s just too self-conscious to come right out with it and ask for what he wants from you. Is there any way you could entice him back to bed with a little spice? Would he respond to some porn, or toys, or even a three-way?

Maybe it’s just as well there’s no sex in your relationship, you seem to be getting along very well otherwise. But only a frank and open discussion with your man is gonna shed the necessary light on this situation.

See Dave, you have lots of options. It’s time to be creative, like the fabulous homo you are.

Good Luck!

Shall we dance?

Hello sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday! Today we welcome back one of our favorite toy manufacturers — We-Vibe. As you probably recall, we’ve reviewed two incarnations of their fabulous award-winning flagship vibe for couples. You can find our reviews HERE and HERE!

Today we have one of their new solo toys. So let’s check in with Dr Dick Review Crew member, Denise, of Ken and Denise to see what she has for us.

We-Vibe Tango —— $79.99

Denise
Hello everyone! I’m flying solo today because I have the pleasure of introducing you to one of the new solo product from one of the adult product industry’s most lauded innovators, We-Vibe.contents

This little beauty is called Tango. It belongs to a class of personal vibrators called lipstick vibes. These little vibes have been a mainstay in the industry for many years. Women like them because they are discreet, can be taken anywhere, and they look like…wait for it…a lipstick.

In the past this class of vibes has been cheap, toss-away, and battery operated novelties that couldn’t deliver much in terms of long-lasting stimulation. We-Vibe changes all that. The Tango is rechargeable, built to last and it is definitely not inexpensive. And because Tango doesn’t rely on batteries that run down, the stimulation it delivers is both powerful and consistent.

We-Vibe TangoThe Tango is made of hard plastic, and comes in two vibrant colors. There’s no silicone skin to mute the vibrations. Now, as much as I like silicone, and I do like silicone a lot, it cushions and thus mutes the vibrations instead of enhancing them. And that’s just not going to work for a lipstick vibe whose whole purpose is to deliver maximum pinpoint clitoral stimulation.

Tango features a beveled edge, just like…wait for it…a lipstick. The tip delivers intense vibrations with pinpoint accuracy, and the flat surface is perfect for everything else.

It features eight vibration modes yet it’s super quiet. Actually, it rumbles more than it vibrates, which is a delicious sensation. But the thing is, the whole Tango vibrates or rumbles. And while that sounds like a good thing at first, I found that using it for an entire masturbation session left my fingers numb. Fortunately, I discovered a handy work-around. When my fingers begin to tingle, I place the Tango in my panties, this keeps it in place and frees up my hands to stroke and pinch my nipples. I can also hump a pillow this way, which is my own a very satisfying way to masturbate. By the way, that’s how I discovered masturbation as a young girl.

I love the fact that it is waterproof. I’m always up for a vibe I can use in the bath.tango_hand_1

The promotional materials for the Tango state that a charge lasts two hours. That’s not my experience. The first couple of times I used mine I got about an hour of vibration. Now it’s down to about 45 minutes. It takes another 90 minutes to fully recharge. After reading other online reviews I found out that this isn’t uncommon; there’s some problem with the internal battery keeping a charge. Some reviewers even reported that their Tango simply up and died one day. Gosh, I hope that doesn’t happen to mine.

I’m also not crazy about a one-button control, but that’s just me. I found the magnetic charging base to be pretty fussy too. Am I just being picky? Maybe. But I think I have that right considering the Tango’s price tag.

I love the packaging; it’s completely recyclable. The Tango also comes with a handy drawstring storage bag.

Because it’s both waterproof and made of non-porous and body-safe PC-ABS thermoplastic cleanup is a snap. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. After you wipe it down rinse in warm water and let it air dry.
Complete Article HERE!

ENJOY

Sex Play — Tips and Techniques

ANOTHER SEXUAL ENRICHMENT TUTORIAL

Beginning Sex Play — Tips and Techniques

The most frequent questions I get are from your average Dick and Jane, (or Dick and Dick, or Jane and Jane) who want to spice up their sex life. Inevitably they describe the kind of sex they’re currently having. And almost universally the description makes this grown man cry. Jeez, the boredom. How do they stand it? It’s a wonder any of them are having any sex at all.

What is it with the humdrum, run of the mill, and the “we’ve always done it that way mentality?” Are ya’ll afraid that if you add a little something new to your sex chore, from time to time, that the sky will fall? Holy cow!

Today’s tutorial is another attempt to motivate you to get off your butts and make something interesting happen in the sex department. We’ll begin with what was once called foreplay.

First off, I hate the word “foreplay” because it suggests that all these really great sex activities are only a lead up to a single “more important” activity — fucking. It also implies that ya’ll can dispense with the one in order to hurry up and get to the other. And that, my friends, is always a huge mistake.

do-not-disturb.jpgFrom now on I want us to banish “foreplay” from our vocabulary. Instead let’s start using “Sex Play.” It says it all, and it makes no suggestion that anything in particular must follow.

I’m of the mind that we’d all be better served if we thought of sex play as a continuum of pleasure and pleasuring — with a beginning, middle and an end. If you ask me, our sex play ought mirror our sexual response cycles — arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. That way we’re less likely to overburden one particular activity at the expense of all the others. Get it? Got it? Good!

Experienced sex fans agree; the best sexual encounters include an extended period of sensual play at the beginning of most sex play. This brings increased pleasure to both partners, and will make whatever else that might follow more satisfying. Just remember, sex play can be a meal in itself.

Sex play brings spice to the encounter because it gets our motors started. Even all you major sex athletes out there who are perpetually primed for sex will benefit from some hearty sex play. It will help cool your jets and make the encounter last longer than a firecracker. And I know that you know what I mean!rose-flogger

In our hectic rush around world, sex play is particularly important. It helps us transition from the daily cares and woes to the realm of sensual pleasures. The workaholics among us need more time to become fully aroused. Their minds are still filled with the junk of the day, and not yet ready to give or receive pleasure. And pleasuring and being pleasured takes a big attitude shift from that of the rest of the day. In fact, if you’re gonna approach sex and pleasuring with the same mindset you have on the job or with the kids, give it up now and be done with it. You’ll only walk away from the encounter disappointed.

Heart PadlockSex play primes us for maximum pleasure. Men will have the time we need to come to full erection and women will have the time they need to properly lubricate. By the way, this is called the arousal stage in our sexual response cycle. But you probably know that already, right?

When we stop thinking of sex play as “foreplay” we realize there is no such thing as spending too much time giving and getting pleasure. If sex play evolves into full-on fucking — SWELL. Both partners will be fully aroused and fucking will flow naturally and effortlessly from the pleasure enjoyed at the beginning of sex play.

Sex play can include everything from chocolate and whipped cream to whips and chains. But let’s not get too far ahead of our selves. Let’s start at the beginning of sex play. Most people miss out on the pleasure of undressing with and for their partners. Stripping out of, or being helped out of our daily wear and into something sexy or nothing at all can be very arousing. It’s also a visual signal that we’re shifting out of our work-a-day world and entering the realm of sensuality. Stripping is an art form, ya know. We could all learn a lesson or two from the folks who do this for a living, but there’s more about this in another tutorial — The Big Tease; How to Strip for Someone Special.Kama Sutra Body Souffle

Creating the right sex environment is important too. Make sure the room is warm. Proper lighting and music will surely add to the mood. Scents are also important. More and more people are incorporating erotica into their sex play — reading a sexy story together or enjoying some hot porn will make the encounter memorable.

Most women complain that their partners don’t kiss long enough and rush the kissing to get at their pussy. Guys, what the fuck? You want pussy? Use your mouth to maximum advantage kiss and nibble all over everything. Literally devour your partner with your mouth. Believe me, if you do this right, by the time you get to her pussy she’s gonna want to give it up big time.

Sex play is the perfect time for setting the mood for all that might follow. It’s a time for sharing fantasies, role-playing, dirty talk or some full body massage. Always have some nice lotion available then use your hands, forearms, feet and elbows to knead your partner’s muscles and naughty bits.

GOK small coverCertain areas on the body are more hot-wired than others. It’s your job to find each and every one your partner has. As you massage vary your strokes and touch to stimulate your partner. Roll your fingertips across his or her nipples and behind his or her ears as you kiss him and tease her with your tongue.

If you’re doin things right, your partner will be moaning with pleasure. If she or he starts getting impatient it’s time to bring out the restraints. There’s nothing like some hot erotic bondage to punctuate your sex play.

While your darling is subdued and possibly blindfolded, crank things up a notch. Add different sensations and stimuli, a warm chocolate sauce followed by ice cream. A fur mitt followed by a Loofah. Introduce some sex toys — a vibrator, tit clamps, or an anal stimulator.

Don’t forget to check in with your partner from time to time. Ask for some feedback and direction. Do you like this? Or do you like this better? Never presume to know what your partner likes simply because he or she liked it before, this is a recipe for boredom and the dreaded bed death. If words fail you, SHOW your partner what you want. Then encourage your partner to do the same to younipple_clamps.jpg.

Sex play is not about pressing the right buttons in the right order. It is about understanding what makes your partner tick and supplying and applying those things to their greatest sensual advantage. There are many ways to give your partner extreme pleasure, and it all begins in your brain. Sex play is as much of an art form as it is a necessity.

Finally, the basic premise behind all of this is that a great lover is one that gives pleasure because it is its own reward, not a means to getting something else.

Good luck ya’ll

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