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Clearing The Deck

Time to clean out the dr dick sex advice anonymous submission in-box. I wish I could have used some of these questions in my podcast. But I can only do that if you use the toll-free voicemail phone number to call in your submissions, people!

If you want to be in one of my podcasts, use the Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection!

Name: Sofia
Gender:
Age: 54
Location: Arizona
You are sick Dr DICK! I believe that porn is a sign of weakness in men and women. They cannot control their need and put their personal relationship in harm. Its degrading towards women and it gives off the wrong message to men about women. Porn is very harmfull in peoples daily lives.Relationships come to an end because of mens porn addiction. Men have lost families, wives, girlfriends etc. because of porn. Men find themselves defending it so much that they end up losing the people in their lives who do not agree with it (wives, GF, BF, ect.) What does porn leave them? Nothing! Lonely nights with no one by their side and a PC full of nasty images. Porn leaves men lonely and pathetic. Men are destroying their lives to make a porn film maker more wealthy. What a great exchange.

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So nice of you to drop by, Sofia, and thank you for being so solicitous about my health. Yes, I was sick, I had a little cold there for a couple of days, but now I’m better.

Oh wait, you’re saying I’m sick because I don’t share your repressive opinion about porn. I get it; you’re another moral crusader who needs to denigrate those who don’t share your beliefs. What’s up with that?

Ya know the thing is, darling, I actually believe, as you do — that a lot of porn is harmful and exploitative. It also can be very disruptive to people’s lives and can cause serious damage to otherwise healthy relationships. I mean how difficult was it for you to come up with that critique? Taking pot shots at porn in this sex-negative culture is like shooting fish in a barrel. Get over yourself, girlfriend.

And ya know what else, ma’am, all the things you accuse porn of — being harmful and exploitative, disruptive, damaging to relationships — you could say about organized religion, the fast food industry, our government, the credit card industry, the big oil companies, the pharmaceutical industry, the medical industry, the war machine and it’s horrific profiteers, like Halaburton. And the list goes on and on. Hell, everything humans touch has the potential for becoming harmful and exploitative; it’s human nature. Even your own tirade is harmful to and disruptive to those of us who are trying to make a difference in the adult entertainment industry. Trust me, you would have made a better case if you said you wanted to help change the status quo in porn, not just point out its inherent flaws.

And what’s all this; “Porn leaves men lonely and pathetic”? What, are you saying you’re the alternative? Perhaps, if you weren’t so bitchy and condescending your men wouldn’t need to turn to porn. Your abrasive personality and moral rectitude would even drive the pope to porn.

Oh, and have a nice day!

Name: suzanne
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: Auckland
Should a woman fake an orgasm to keep her partner happy?

Brilliant idea, Susanne! Rather than help your ineffectual lover overcome his female_ontop.jpginadequacy with the truth and a little tutorial on how to make you cum — lie to the monkey about his sexual prowess.

I see nothing wrong with that! Other than when you’re done fuckin’ him, or he’s done fuckin’ you, the next unlucky woman he happens upon will have twice the work. She’ll not only have to tell him the truth — that he sucks as a lover — but she’ll also have to contend with his ego. Thanks to you and your deception, he’ll be convinced that he’s a fabulous lover when, of course, he’s not.

What could be wrong with that, Susanne? D’oh!

Name: emily
Gender:
Age: 28
Location: Texas
How much should I tell my new partner about my sex life with my exes?

How about just enough to get his dick hard?

Hell, I don’t know! Some guys get off on hearing the gory details of the sexual exploits of their partners, albeit it’s a relatively small number of guys. Just keep in mind that most men would prefer the bliss that is ignorance.

If you’ve been around the block a time or six, maybe you best keep that to yourself till you find out how much the new guy can stomach.

Good Luck

Name: Phillip
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Austin, Texas
Dr. D, I’ve never had a problem with my sex life up until now. My wife and I have been very happy with our physical relationship. But, about 8 months ago, in a very vivid nightmare, I dreamed we were making love and when I came, the ejaculate was blood. I came blood. Everything in the dream stood still as I watched, almost third person, as my life flowed out of me. I woke in a sweat, and we’ve not made love since. We’ve talked about the dream, tried to be intimate, but I’m simply not able to enjoy the contact anymore. This is someone about whom I care deeply and with whom I am deeply in love. Considering professional help but would like your take. Thanks, Phillip in Austin

Interesting! Yet another case of how one’s psyche can override one’s eroticism.

This is nothing to be toyed with, Phillip. Like an earthquake, this vivid dream has jolted you out of your happy, healthy sex life with your wife. And like anyone who has survived an earthquake, or a similar natural disaster, you need to put your life together again as quickly as possible. I encourage you to seek a sex-positive therapist to help you break the spell of this nightmare.

The longer you let this thing hang out there the more perverse it will become.

Good Luck

Name: Mike
Gender:
Age: 33
Location:
I can only get off by squeezing my cock with my thighs. I have done this for as long as I’ve masturbated. I only found out years later that you should use your hand. But this does not work for me. Is this normal or common?

Mike, what you report is neither normal nor common. But do you really care about “normal” and “common” if it works for you? Apparently your masturbation technique isn’t any less effective than those who employ a more common practice — like using one’s hand.

Basically, there aren’t a whole lot of “shoulds” when it comes to style of masturbation. If squeezing your cock with your thighs works for you — SWELL, pup, knock yourself out!

Since you don’t report that this method of getting off is getting in the way of your partnered sex, I think you should leave well enough alone and enjoy your uniqueness.

Good Luck

Name: Sam
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: London, UK
Dear Dr. Dick, I am a young gay guy, and when I masturbate I am able to achieve orgasm and ejaculate; but when I am with another guy I do not cum. Don’t get me wrong, I have a great time during sex, but my partner doesn’t get me off. This is not a person-specific thing — this has been happening to me since I was 16.
Call it “delayed ejaculation”, if you will; but it’s more like “non-existent ejaculation”! The weird thing is, I don’t mind myself; the foreplay and sex is totally hot and I’m as happy as a clam with that as it is. But my partners have always been frustrated and disappointed, as if ejaculation is the official mark of success to show the culmination of a great fuck. So they keep trying until they get tired, which I guess is inevitable.
Is this something I should be worried about if I’m otherwise okay with sex. Or should my partner be less concerned about the orgasm and just realize that it doesn’t bother me. Many thanks, and kudos for such an informative site.

Hey Sam,

Thanks for your kind words about the site, they’re much appreciated.male_fuck19.jpg

As to the issue you present, it’s not particularly uncommon. Many people aren’t able to, or choose not to get off in partnered sex. And there are several common reasons why. Without going into detail about that, let me just ask one thing. Are you able to masturbate yourself to orgasm when you are with a partner, like you can do when you are alone? If so, maybe you could incorporate that into your sex play with a partner.

It’s true what you say about some people thinking a sexual encounter is only “successful” if both partners cum. That’s nonsense, as you well know. There’s no necessary connection between an ejaculation and sexual satisfaction. If you cave into that way of thinking you won’t help your misguided partners and you will certainly add a good deal of performance anxiety to your sex encounters. And nobody wants that! Stick to your guns, Sam!

Good Luck

Stop, I Want To Get Off!

Name: Stefanni
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Gender:
Age: 28
Location: California

Dr Dick: I get off on making out or having sex in public spaces? Is this illegal? Am I Sick? Stefanni

All depends, Stefanni. Most jurisdictions, particularly there in the Golden State would

probably wink at a couple making out in public. I suppose you’d be pushing the envelope if the make-out session included heavy petting. And as to full-on sex in public…CumOn, honey, a 28 year-old female who can’t discern if fucking in public is illegal or not, needs to be in supervised care 24/7. You’re not sick, dearie, you’re retarded.

Good Luck!

Name: stefan
Gender:
Age: 24
Location: GA

Is it weird if I can suck my own dick? Sometimes I do it when I’m really horny?

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Reminds me of the old joke about two guys sittin’ around shootin’ the shit. When they notice a dog over yonder lickin his balls. One guy turns to the other and says; “I wish I could do that!” And the other guy says, “Gee, I hope the dog doesn’t bite!”

Is it weird that you can suck your own cock? Dude, it’s every man’s freakin’ dream! Anyone who is limber enough and/or has a big enough dick to blow himself — wins, IMHO.

Good Luck!

Name: Chris
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: TN

Dr Dick: I’m an uncut male, but am thinking about getting circumcised for the sake of appearance? I don’t like how my dick looks like an anteater. Is this safe? Any suggestions where or what type of doctor to consult? Should I go to a urologist? Plastic Surgeon? Thanks, Chris

Whoa, puppy, stop right there. This ain’t like getting a haircut or trimmin’ your toe nails or even gettin pierced. Circumcision is irreversible and it’s mighty risky too.

I need to say one thing from the outset. Circumcision is a particularly thorny issue for

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me. I firmly believe in the right of an adult to augment, adorn and embellish, or in any other way customize his or her body. Just as long as that person has taken enough time to think it through. None of this, “OMG, I got so drunk and then the next thing I know I have this tattoo emblazoned across my chest!”

At the same time I am a furious proponent of genital integrity. So you see my conflict.

There are, of course, medical reasons for adult circumcision. But having a foreskin that looks like an anteater is not one of them. Besides, no self-respecting physician is gonna start cutting on an 18 year old guy’s cock, just because the fella doesn’t like the way his unit looks.

Here’s what I want you to do, Chris. Take a really close look at your foreskin. I mean a really close look. What do you see? Veins, right? Now pinch your foreskin between

your thumb and forefinger as hard as you can. OUCH! Ya know why that is? Your foreskin is just chock-full of nerve endings, darlin’. Your foreskin contains about 240 feet of nerve fibers and tens of thousands of specialized nerve endings, which can feel the slightest pressure, the lightest touch, the smallest motion, the subtlest changes in temperature, and the finest gradations in texture.

In many ways, your foreskin is just like your eyelid. It covers, cleans, and protects your dickhead just like your eyelid covers, cleans, and protects your eye. Your foreskin keeps the surface of your dickhead healthy, clean, shiny, warm, soft, moist, and sensitive. And there are a whole lot of us who think a foreskin is like totally hot.

Your foreskin is a specialized, sensitive, and functional organ of touch. No other part of the body serves the same purpose. You may be too young to have noticed how pleasurable having an intact dick can be, how it enhances your sexual enjoyment. You

certainly have no frame of reference to the contrary. Therefore, I encourage you to hold on to your lace curtains till you have a little more experience. Besides, if you get cut it removes 50% of the skin of the cock. Do you really have that much to give away?

Finally, I’m of the mind that millions of years of evolution has provided us a covering for our dickhead for a purpose. And to remove it is simply unnatural.

So, Chris, keep your skin unless there’s a medical necessary to remove it!

Good Luck!

Name: Nick
Gender:
Age: 64
Location: Chicago

Are there any vitamins or minerals that will increase the amount of ejaculate? Thanks…your site is very cool and provides a great service!

Why, aren’t you a sweetheart, Nick. Thank you for your kind words.

There sure are loads and loads of companies out there who claim to have products that will increase the volume of a man’s ejaculate. When I search the web for products that promote male sexual enhancement of any sort, I do so as a skeptic. That’s how anyone should go about such a search. If you keep your eyes open and look beyond the pseudo-medical babble you’ll discover two things, as I did.

First, every site I visited advertises their product as a miracle medical breakthrough. Often there is a testimonial or two from some doctor (MD) or doctor (Ph.D.) who substantiates the claims being made. We never really discover who these professionals are, but we are encouraged to take their words as gospel…well because we all know that professional types would never knowingly try and hoodwink us. Exactly! And if you buy that we have some swampland in Louisiana for you too.

Each site also claimed that the product they hawk has undergone rigorous clinical studies proving its efficacy. But they never actually cite any of the studies in question or where these supposed studies were published. Here’s a tip, If there is a sited study and that study was sponsored by the company that produced the product, or is published by them, then you know you’re in trouble.

Second, inevitably each product makes the most outlandish claims. Take this one for instance. I’ll not disclose the product name, because that would be like shooting fish in a barrel. But this is actual copy from one site. Product X will…

  • Intensify ejaculatory contractions due to the strengthening of the vas deferens muscle (the muscle responsible for the expulsion of semen)
  • Increase volume of released ejaculate
  • Produce faster recovery for second orgasms
  • Improve semen quality
  • Produce more satisfying orgasms due to increased contractions and ejaculate
  • Improve prostate health
  • Improve Erectile Dysfunction caused by diabetes
  • Increase sexual well-being and vitality
  • Cure cancer
  • End world hunger

Ok, I made the last two up.

One only has to look closely at the claims to realize they’re hogwash. Besides, they don’t really tell us anything other than the product in question might somehow improve something that may have something to do with male virility. The same could be said about a glass of water. Please read on…

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The truth is, Nick, you can probably do just as well with a modest daily intake of zinc and lecithin supplements. For some, these nutrients have a noticeable effect on the volume of ejaculate. And they’re a whole lot cheaper and easier to get then the trumped-up stuff you see online.

Also keeping yourself hydrated also will also increase the volume of your spunk. It just

stands to reason, the more hydrated you are the easier and more efficiently all your glands responsible for secreting a watery substance, like your prostate, will have getting water from the bloodstream. If you’re dehydrated, your prostate will not have as much water available, and subsequently you’ll spooge considerably less.

Good Luck!

IS THERE A SPLINTER IN MY EYE?

Today, we visit with a pair of very disgruntled correspondents. How nice!

Have you ever noticed how some folks have an inordinate amount of time on their hands? Time they use to poke around in the lives of the rest of us poor, unfortunate, benighted souls. They love to point out the errors of our ways. Whatever would we do without these guiding lights? It’s always been curious to me how the least capable among us are always the first to set himself or herself up as the arbiter of proper and wholesome living, especially when it comes to sex.

Who was it that said, “remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye”? Oh yeah, now I remember. I am in really good company today. ;-)

And today, dear readers, I’ll not bother tidying up my correspondents’ spelling and punctuation. I want you to experience the fullness of their brilliance for yourselves. Besides, I’m too busy trying to dislodge this plank from my eye.

Hey Dickhead
I would really like to know who you are and what are your qualifications in sexual matters. I was just reading one of your replies to a young person whose lover is 17yrs older than her. I am so saddened by your reply. You advised her to have extra relationship affairs which we all know that relationships that incorporates a third party is destined to ruin and the couple is inevitably be living a lie. I do not know what sort of sexual development you had and how you’ve come to separate love and sex but you are surely promoting a negative in this case.
Sex is something that is for the relationship and that relationship alone, not to go all around town giving out at free will. Being a slut. Im sure there are different things that they together as a couple can do with out the help of somebody else. And like slutting around is actually gonna save somebody’s relationship, yea i see that happening every day.
Even if this is a hoax and not a real problem, I’m afraid it is in bad taste. I do not know you from Adam but please think before you answer any of these questions. The gay communities in many places and the gov’t have spent a lot of money in the fight with Aides. One of the things that was being promoted is finding one partner and sticking to him. The more partners one has the higher the risk. There is also the aspect of using another for selfish sexual gratification. Yes you may say It’s Ok if there is consent but really, Is it? After all we all know what happens to our feelings once we have had orgasm. You are a bad person. You shouldn’t be telling anybody anything.

Whoa, what a charmer!

What a dangerous and disturbing thing it is to be so judgmental about the sex lives oft21.jpg others. Isn’t it possible for well-meaning people to have a genuine disagreement on such matters without interjecting all the disparaging and rude remarks?

As I review my response to the person in question, I see I offered her a number of sound suggestions on how to deal with her sexual frustration. The thought, that she might discuss an accommodation with her primary partner, allowing her to seek sexual fulfillment outside her relationship, was just one of the ideas I had. Why did you focus only on that? And would you really characterize that as “slutting around”?

It’s been my experience that many long-term loving relationships continue to be successful precisely because the partners make adjustments for the inevitable disparity of sexual interests that develops between them over time. After all, accommodations and a healthy give and take are hallmarks of a well-adjusted relationship. And who says fidelity is a genital issue? Not me!

As the resident sexual advisor on this website, (you can check out my substantial qualifications in my bio) I offer advice on the problems that my correspondents present me. I stand by my advice. The people who write to me are adults. They can choose from among the helpful hints I offer, or disregard them all together. But it is certainly not my role to choose for them. So, if I had omitted the option that gives you such offense, I would have, at least by default, made part of her choice for her.

You defend your point of view from a position of fear. You claim that we should be sexually exclusive with one partner because there is a higher risk of being infected with AIDS if we aren’t. Is that the best you can come up with? Is that really why we should pair off with just one other person, because we’re afraid of disease? And then there’s this other curious comment: “After all we all know what happens to our feelings once we have had orgasm.” What are you insinuating about “us”? Me thinks you disclose more about your personal prejudices then you intended.

My advice to you, deary, is to sit down and take a deep breath. Your undies are in such a bunch, you’re beginning to screech. I also suggest that you suspend judgment, particularly as it applies to the manner in which others live their lives, or at least till you have more information about the intricacies of life, sex and love.

Good Luck,

Dr. Dick,
I am a 27 year old male that has never had sex or been in any kind of a relationship. I’ve looked but all I’ve found is that every guy I’ve met seems only to be controlled by his dick. I’ve come to the conclusion that all men my age are the same. It’s gotten so bad that not only do I hate my own kind but I hate sex because of what it stands for. I have even lost the need to please myself and I think of others as weak and pathetic for not being able to use their hearts. I know that sex is a healthy part of human life but why (especially in our community) is everything based on sex and/or crammed down our throats? Even the simplest of ads has to have some dude brandishing his schlong just to get attention. I can’t even enter a chat room without somebody asking me what my cock size is. I’ve come to hate everything we stand for and it’s left me cold and I tend to shut myself out of any function that is sexually related. Friends tell me to get off my high horse but I can’t see any reason to. Just by observing from up here all I see are a bunch of HIV infected rabbits that have reached the end of their evolutionary path because they no longer communicate with word but only with sex. I thought I’d grow out of this but that was seven years ago.
Cold, Clinton J.

Dear ClintonJ,

How in the world did you get to be so incredibly bitter and jaded at such a tender age?

jockbutt.jpgYour friends are right, puppy, get off your high horse. The observations you make about us mere mortals are more than a little skewed, coming as they do from your angelic vantage point.

Listen, it’s true what you say about our community’s obsession with sex. Kudos to you for pointing out the obvious. But hey, it’s not just us homos. Look around and you will find our entire culture is fucked up in this way. You can have a full and life-affirming sex life without participating in or being co-opted by the madness that abounds. You can, like others do, choose a life path that is both sexually enriching and adventurous without succumbing to a preoccupation.

You claim to be 27 and say you’ve never had sex? And you make this proclamation like it’s something to be proud of. I wonder, how much of this bitterness is just sour grapes? Like Bette Midler is fond of sayin’: “You’re crackin’ up from a lack of shackin’ up.” You need to get laid, doll. It’s as simple as that.

And what’s up with this? “…all I see are a bunch of HIV infected rabbits that have reached the end of their evolutionary path…”? Shame on you. Try pumping some life-affirming blood into those icy veins and see what happens. Do not stand in judgment of something you cannot or will not participate in. It makes you look like a bounder.

Good Luck

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