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(Grand)Fatherly Advice

Hello there Dr. Dick,
My name is David and I’m a guy of 19 years. I have been with my girlfriend for a every long time and we’re having sex too. But I have a big problem. And I think u should know about it and help me with it. Every time I try to have sex with my girlfriend, it doesn’t take more than 10-seconds and I get out of control. I was wondering if u can help me buy some sex drugs from the drug store that can help me to have sex more that even 30-minutes. Please I’m coming to you as a son coming to his dad and I hope u can help me here. Thx very much for reading my message.

Thanks for the nice message and the dad/son allusion. How sweet is that? Actually, considering our significant age difference, you may be surprised to learn that I’m old enough to be your grandfather. But then again, who’s counting the years, right?Premature_Ejaculation_Man

Listen, (grand)son, you don’t need no stinkin’ medications for your short-fuse problem. You just need to train yourself to last longer. And for that I have the proper prescription right here.

I’ve written about this issue a bunch and I’ve also talked about this issue a bunch in my podcasts. Here’s what you do. Look for the CATEGORIES section in the sidebar, it’s a pull down menu. Scroll down till you find the heading SEX THERAPY. Now under that category you will see numerous subcategories.  Everything is alphabetical.

Now, scroll down further until you see the TOPIC titled: LASTING LONGER.  That’s where you wanna go. Any one of those podcasts or written columns will contain the info you’re looking for.

For example, this is good one, a posting titled — Sit and Stay…Longer.  You will notice that are detailed instructions on how you can learn to delay your ejaculation and…wait for it…Last Longer. Some of the exercises you’ll even be able to do with your GF. In fact, she can help you gain control over your ejaculatory response and it will be more fun than a barrel of monkeys. See, no drugs necessary.

I advise you to give this process all the time it needs to succeed. Write back, one of these days, and let me know how this worked out for you.

Good luck

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Flipped Out

Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday! Way back in 2007 I reviewed a sex toy from the Japanese manufacturer, Tenga. It was one of their earliest designs and frankly, I hated it. You can find that review HERE!  I’ve avoided the Tenga line ever since. Now my sources tell me things have changed. Not one to hold a grudge, I got one of their latest incarnations for us to review.

So let’s check in with Dr Dick Review Crew members, Mick and Chuck, to see what they have for us.

Tenga Flip —— $99.00

Mick and Chuck
Mick: “Here’s the Tenga Flip. It’s a masturbation device for men.”tenga-black-flip-hole-1-900x900
Chuck: “Way to cut to the chase, Mick.”
Mick: “Well, that’s what it is! No need to beat around the bush. Oh, I think I made a pun. So here’s the deal; Chuck and I are into edge play. And for those unfamiliar with that term, that means jackin’ off while trying to last as long as you can.”
Chuck: “We’ve been doin’ this for years now and we can last for hours. It’s great. Mostly we just use our hands, but we also have a nice selection of masturbation sleeves and strokers too.”
Mick: “Yeah, we like mixing things up. Edging should never be boring. The Tenga Flip is our new favorite jerk off toy. Let me describe the brilliant design to you. Actually, there’s two parts to it. There’s the hard plastic outer shell and the soft stretchy inside. Unlike other such toys, the soft squishy sleeve is not removable. Rather the case is hinged so that it opens so you can lube up the sleeve before use and easy clean up after use.”tenga-flip-hole-male-mastubator-red
Chuck: “We used to have a favorite toy like this; I won’t mention the name, but its the most popular brand. It was fun to use, but clean up was a bitch. And the soft squishy sleeve would get tacky after a couple of uses and it would have to be replaced. I hated that! The Tenga Flip is a vast improvement over that most popular brand.”
Mick: “While we’re on the topic of the sleeve, I want to add that it’s made of an elastomer that is nonporous as well as latex and phthalate-free. The sleeve also features six different chambers, each shaped and positioned in a way to produce a different sensation.”
Chuck: “Check out the outer shell. See these three large plastic buttons? When you press down on the one nearest the opening, you are actually pressing down on the shaft of your cock, which creates a snugger fit at the opening of the Tenga Flip. When you press the middle button, it creates a vacuum effect in the chamber, which is so cool. And when you press Flip insidedown on the third button the entire sleeve softens and allows the lube you added before your session to flow more freely up and down the length of the sleeve. This creates a wetter, squishier feeling inside the sleeve. It’s like having three toys in one.”
Mick: “The Tenga Flip comes in two colors — black and red. But here’s the thing; it’s not just about a color preference. The black one features a snugger sensation, the red one features a caressing sensation.”
Chuck: “Clean up, as we mentioned earlier is easy with just hand soap and warm water. And then you can let it air dry by using the case as a stand. Again, totally cool.”
Mick: “If there’s one drawback, I’d have to say that the Tenga Flip is not designed for big-dicked guys. I’m a little above average in the girth department and it is almost too snug for me.”
Chuck: “It’s also not cheap! But ya know what? Tenga is using high quality materials and you can’t beat the amazing design, so I think it’s worth it.”
Mick: “I should also mention that the Tenga Flip comes with three samples of their branded water-based lube, with varying consistencies from thin to thick.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

A budding kinkster’s dilemma

Hey DR

Well, I don’t know where to start, my name is Todd I’m 21 and from Eugene Or. I need to know if feeling the way I do is OK?

Well I’ve had a thing for voyeurism and BDSM for a some time now. I guess it started out by me just liking to push the boundaries of what was the norm, you know like wanting to do it in a movie theater or the park. However, things like that soon stopped giving me the same feeling, so I started to look more into bondage and kink. I liked what I found but at some point I passed what every one else I know thought was OK. Every time I feel like it’s OK to tell a girl what I want they just look at me like WHAT? They all say that they will go along with it, but I can tell that they’re not in to it. I don’t want to make any one feel like that.

I’ve tried to have a normal relationship but no matter how hard I try it just can’t work out, like my ex, she worked so hard to get where I was coming from. Any man would be lucky to find a girl as amazing as her but no matter how much I loved her I felt like I was empty. To her, kink was doing it in the morning; I soon found myself numb and board. Is there something wrong with me? I don’t know where to find someone like me.

I hope you can find time to help me DR.
TODD

From what you tell me there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with you besides being rather sexually precocious. Most people your age are just finding their way through more traditional expressions of sex. You simply have much more advanced predilections. BDSM sex is indeed an acquired taste and it is often acquired and practiced by people more senior than you. So nothing too out of the ordinary there.

that kinky stuffI suspect that you will continue to be frustrated in your search for like-minded partners in your peer group. And being in a relatively small college town doesn’t help matters all that much either. Your only salvation will be the internet. As you probably know, BDSM sites abound on the web. But before you launch your search for prospective partners, you’d probably do well to learn some of the lingo. There are plenty of resource sites out there that can help you identify who you are and what it is you want. Do a search using keywords like Dominant, Master, Domme, Mistress, Submissive, etc.

Most kink sites, like FetLife feature bulletin boards and/or member profiles. Once you get your bearings and have a grip on some of the vocabulary, you could set up your own profile. Be as clear and candid about what it is you want as possible. I encourage you to immerse yourself in this subculture, because the more information you have the more enlightened your future partner choices will be.

When connecting with other pervs online, be courteous. You’ll no doubt encounter an array of lifestyle choices and sexual proclivities, some of which may be off-putting to you. Remember, you are a guest in their world. Leave your uptight judgments and provincial attitudes at the door. You’ll have to earn the trust and respect of this community if you ever hope to be taken seriously by them.

You don’t really say what sort of BDSM you are into. Nor do you identify yourself as either a Dom or a sub. But how you identify yourself and what you say about what you are into will, no doubt, color your search for partners and playmates.

I have another resource for you. It’s a communication and relationship-building workshop in book form and it is written specifically for budding kinksters, just like you. The title: The Gospel of Kink; A Modern Guide To Asking For What You Want And Getting What You Ask For. Gospel of Kink

The Gospel of Kink’s innovative and interactive format presents the reader with numerous situations and dilemmas that arise as people embrace their kinkiness and integrate their eroticism into daily life.

The Gospel of Kink is on the cutting edge of the sex-positive and kink-aware movements. This workbook helps the reader break free from the painful silence the dominant culture imposes on alt culture and those of us on the sexual fringe.

The Gospel of Kink provides an opportunity to learn from people just like you. Its on-the-page workshop features a group of ten fictional characters who are your fellow participants. In addition, it includes a panel of actual seasoned kinky, BDSM, and alt culture practitioners who share their expertise and life experience with you.

The Gospel of Kink engages you with numerous exercises and homework. As a workshop participant, you will complete A Personal Alt Relationship Inventory, discuss the Essentials of Effective Communication, identify Tools and Techniques for Navigating Alt Relationship Conflicts, and learn how to Keep Things Fresh and Interesting.

The Gospel of Kink provides a safe and secure place for you to air your concerns without fear of being judged for how you live your life or with whom you choose to live it. You will learn within a framework of honesty, activity, alliance, support, and humor.

its_only_kinky_the_first_time_post_card-r8cd39596681e48d4b13fd87f07c01435_vgbaq_8byvr_512In the BDSM world, being a Dom or sub is a state of mind. It isn’t necessarily about a particular sex act, it certainly isn’t a game, it’s not merely role-playing; and for the most part, it is not gender specific. The best Dom/sub relationships are those that express a mutuality of care, concern, and trust.

Finally, I caution you against so easily dismissing your partners when they don’t immediately live up to your expectations. This young woman you mention sounds like she might have been able to rise to the occasion with a little support, encouragement and tutelage. You can’t be throwing the baby out with the bathwater, my friend; that’s just not gonna be helpful. In fact, you might consider inviting someone, this woman perhaps, to read The Gospel of Kink along with you. That way you both could learn together. I can assure you your time will be well spent.

Good luck

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Pesky Pronouns

Name: Lynn
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Location: Eugene, OR
I have a friend who is driving me (us) crazy. She is my age and we’ve been best friends since grade school. Last year I came out to her as a lesbian and she was very supportive and loving. This year it’s her turn. She cut her hair really short and now only wears men’s clothes. Thing is, she’s not gay, or lesbian. In fact, she doesn’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. As far as I know she’s still a virgin. She told me that she’s gender queer. I was like, OK cool. Then she changed her name and wanted all her friends to call her by her new gender-neutral name. I was like, OK cool. Now she wants us to use gender-neutral pronouns—they, their, and them when referring to “her.” This just sounds dumb. I want to be loving and supportive of her, like she was for me, but I don’t understand what’s going on. It’s like this whole thing is an act, like she is trying to see how much attention she can get. A lot of our friends have just given up on her, but I don’t want to do that. At the same time it’s like she’s mocking our trans friends who have real gender concerns. Am I being a dick for not wanting to go along with this?

Curious word choice there, young lesbian Lynn. Are you being a dick? Hell, I don’t know. What I can say for certain is, if we were being totally politically correct, we wouldn’t use euphemisms for our genitals in a derogatory way, right? Luckily, I’m not the least bit PC as you will discover from my comments below.gender-fuck

The question you raise in your email is a thorny one and I’m not sure I know how to respond. Gender is the new hot button issue and it is rapidly becoming the litmus test for PC crowd. As you suggest, it sometimes looks as though some folks are just trying to get attention or see how much the traffic will bear.

I’m going to be pretty self-referential in my response because I feel like I’ve been here before. Let me explain.

When I was about your age and into my early 20’s the modern gay lib movement here in the US was just finding its footing. Stonewall had just happened and those of us on the sexual fringe were tying to come up with a new vocabulary with which to talk about ourselves. No one I knew liked the term homosexual for obvious reasons. Some of us, myself included, preferred the term, homophile. The difference being one was about loving, the other was about sex. That term didn’t catch on, but “gay” sure did. I was fine with that, even though it wasn’t my first choice. As I began to take a closer look at my sexual orientation and identity, I became a bit more radical; gay just didn’t cut it anymore. I began to embrace the term “queer.”

look!When I was a boy, the term queer, often directed at me because I wasn’t like the other boys, was hate-filled and hurtful. It stung and I was ashamed. By my mid 20’s, however, I was no longer ashamed. In fact, I was full of a new found fervor that was connected to my new found identity as a sexual outlaw. I know for certain that my radicalness was a little off-putting to some people, even people who wanted to love and support me.

After I passed through my militancy stage, I continued to use the term queer to describe myself as a way of showing the world that I had reclaimed and detoxified the word that once brought me shame. It became my own personal badge of honor.  Maybe you’ve had a similar ark in your coming out, Lynn.

The curious thing is I’ve lived long enough to see the term I fought so hard to reclaim morph yet again. Nowadays, when someone self-identifies as queer, more often than not, it has to do with gender; it no longer has a strong sexual connotation. I feel a little bummed about this because one of my favorite words has been coopted by another group of people.  But that’s the nature of language, right?Gender-Outlaws6

Over the decades since I first began to struggle with who I was and how I would talk about myself to others, I’ve seen numerous fracturing of the solidarity we sexual outlaws might have had. There was a virulent strain of lesbian separatism that cropped up in the mid 70’s. But most of that has dissipated since. And there was the radicalism that came with HIV/AIDS, which turned quiet, unassuming, cocktail sipping homos into fearless street fighters. That too has played itself out. In fact, now that marriage equality is all the rage, some of us old queers are asking if it’s still possible to be a sexual outlaw by just being gay. I fear not. Apparently, gender benders are the new sexual outlaws. OK, my time has past; I get it. I have no hard feelings, but I do have a wistfulness for days gone by.

It’s also been my experience that some of us, and I include my younger self in this category, have an uncanny ability to alienate loads of people with our politics. That can be a good thing, but radicalism can, and often does, alienate those who would naturally be our allies as well as some of those who struggle next to us. There’s nothing more devastating to a popular movement than having a bunch of edgier-than-thou folks setting themselves up as the thought police. When this happens, as it always does, it suggests to me that we are more interested in making a point than making a connection. This is a particularly acute problem for the newly liberated crowd, often found on college campuses. They are flush with indignation as they discover that life is not fair. They tend to use the scattergun approach when doling out their fury regardless if those around them are deserved of their wrath or not.

fuck genderThe current incarnation of the gender liberation movement suffers from a lot of the excesses that other liberation movements have experienced before it—intolerance and dogmatism among them. The thing is, gender-fuck has a long history and an honored place in sexual politics. However, in the past, this has mostly expressed itself in street theater. Nowadays, there is precious little humor among the new gender warriors, and very few of these zealots can laugh at themselves. That tells me we’re all in for a very rough ride ahead.

I know how important a shift in vocabulary is to making the dominant culture see its oppression, but the pronoun thing is just awkward. For one thing, there’s no agreement on what pronouns to use for those who are rallying for gender neutrality. Some people militate for they, their, and them. Others want the even more extreme “ze,” pronounced as the letter zee. And “hir,” pronounced here. As in, “Ze went to the store and bought hirself an ice cream cone.” Well, if you wanna do that to the language go right ahead, but I refuse!

Besides, are we just supposed to use these twisted pronouns when the gender warrior is in our company, or are we to alter our vocabulary even when they aren’t around? Try using they, their, and them when referring to someone who isn’t present. Confusion will reign.gender neutral pronouns

Lynn, I don’t know your friend so I can hardly make a call on whether your friend is being authentic, disingenuous, or histrionic. But I don’t think you should beat yourself up if you draw the line at a pronoun shift. If your friend takes offense, as well your friend might, you could always compromise and use no pronouns ever in relation to your friend. Simply use your friend’s chosen name each time a pronoun might serve you better. In time, this will surely get exhausting for both you and your friend. But maybe this exercise will help your friend see that you are not the enemy and maybe your friend will then cut you a little slack.

Good luck

Shall we dance?

Hello sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday! Today we welcome back one of our favorite toy manufacturers — We-Vibe. As you probably recall, we’ve reviewed two incarnations of their fabulous award-winning flagship vibe for couples. You can find our reviews HERE and HERE!

Today we have one of their new solo toys. So let’s check in with Dr Dick Review Crew member, Denise, of Ken and Denise to see what she has for us.

We-Vibe Tango —— $79.99

Denise
Hello everyone! I’m flying solo today because I have the pleasure of introducing you to one of the new solo product from one of the adult product industry’s most lauded innovators, We-Vibe.contents

This little beauty is called Tango. It belongs to a class of personal vibrators called lipstick vibes. These little vibes have been a mainstay in the industry for many years. Women like them because they are discreet, can be taken anywhere, and they look like…wait for it…a lipstick.

In the past this class of vibes has been cheap, toss-away, and battery operated novelties that couldn’t deliver much in terms of long-lasting stimulation. We-Vibe changes all that. The Tango is rechargeable, built to last and it is definitely not inexpensive. And because Tango doesn’t rely on batteries that run down, the stimulation it delivers is both powerful and consistent.

We-Vibe TangoThe Tango is made of hard plastic, and comes in two vibrant colors. There’s no silicone skin to mute the vibrations. Now, as much as I like silicone, and I do like silicone a lot, it cushions and thus mutes the vibrations instead of enhancing them. And that’s just not going to work for a lipstick vibe whose whole purpose is to deliver maximum pinpoint clitoral stimulation.

Tango features a beveled edge, just like…wait for it…a lipstick. The tip delivers intense vibrations with pinpoint accuracy, and the flat surface is perfect for everything else.

It features eight vibration modes yet it’s super quiet. Actually, it rumbles more than it vibrates, which is a delicious sensation. But the thing is, the whole Tango vibrates or rumbles. And while that sounds like a good thing at first, I found that using it for an entire masturbation session left my fingers numb. Fortunately, I discovered a handy work-around. When my fingers begin to tingle, I place the Tango in my panties, this keeps it in place and frees up my hands to stroke and pinch my nipples. I can also hump a pillow this way, which is my own a very satisfying way to masturbate. By the way, that’s how I discovered masturbation as a young girl.

I love the fact that it is waterproof. I’m always up for a vibe I can use in the bath.tango_hand_1

The promotional materials for the Tango state that a charge lasts two hours. That’s not my experience. The first couple of times I used mine I got about an hour of vibration. Now it’s down to about 45 minutes. It takes another 90 minutes to fully recharge. After reading other online reviews I found out that this isn’t uncommon; there’s some problem with the internal battery keeping a charge. Some reviewers even reported that their Tango simply up and died one day. Gosh, I hope that doesn’t happen to mine.

I’m also not crazy about a one-button control, but that’s just me. I found the magnetic charging base to be pretty fussy too. Am I just being picky? Maybe. But I think I have that right considering the Tango’s price tag.

I love the packaging; it’s completely recyclable. The Tango also comes with a handy drawstring storage bag.

Because it’s both waterproof and made of non-porous and body-safe PC-ABS thermoplastic cleanup is a snap. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. After you wipe it down rinse in warm water and let it air dry.
Complete Article HERE!

ENJOY

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