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A Spring Tulip

Hey sex fans!

Welcome to our latest edition of Product Review Friday. Today we feature the first of three products that come to us from an Israeli company, Joya. Their website says: “Joya specializes in high end, innovative pleasure toys and accessories. Our range of silicone vibrators, silicone dildos, accessories and books are made for women, men and couples who wish to take their pleasure to the next level.”

Well let’s put that to the test, shall we? On board today is Dr Dick Review Crew member, the irrepressible, Christa. And as always she has lots to say.

Little Su Tulip —— $69.76

Christa
Damn! It’s been nearly a year since I last had a new product to review. I was out of the country for most of that time, so that pretty much explains my absence from the Review Crew. It’s so good to be back in the good old US of A where sex toys are readily available. I used to take my access to adult products for granted; I don’t any more. There are lots of places in the world where sex toys are forbidden. Hey, maybe that’s why there’s so many conflicts in the world. I say, more vibrators and fewer machine guns!

So what we have here is a very sweet, yet powerful vibe. The Little Su Tulip is made from 100% medical grade silicone. It has 2 separate motors one in the shaft for G-spot stimulation, the other in the outstretched petal that extends from the shaft for clitoral stimulation.

It is approximately 5.7” long. The outstretched petal is about 2.5” long. The diameter is a modest 1.5”. The texture on the shaft resembles concentric layers of petals of a tulip. It looks like the Little Su Tulip comes in three colors; I’ve seen a black one and a red one online. I have a purple one.

There are three speeds on the Little Su Tulip. And it runs on 2 AAA batteries. Joya doesn’t include the first set of batteries in the package, so you’ll need to have these batteries on hand if you expect to ride the Little Su Tulip just as soon as you get home.

The Little Su Tulip is very versatile; you can use it internally or externally. You can use it in and on your pussy or in and on your butthole. When I saw that the Little Su Tulip was made of 100% medical grade silicone I thought for certain that I’d be able to share this little beauty with my sub, butt-boy BF, Alex. He and his hungry ass always imagine that I’ll want to share my toys. And if the toys are sanatizable, I’m always happy to do so. Sadly, the Little Su Tulip isn’t waterproof, so boiling it is out of the question. I suppose I could just wipe it down with a 10% bleach solution, but I have a rule. If I can’t boil it, I won’t share it. This is the only disappointing thing about the Little Su Tulip. I know that with just a little more effort this vibe could have been made waterproof. So WTF, Joya?

The box that the Little Su Tulip comes in is made of 100% recyclable materials, which is very eco friendly. It’s perfect storing the vibe. There’s also a booklet with tips for use and care.

Inserting the batteries is a little weird. Instead of unscrewing the bottom, as one would expect, you squeeze the sides of the shaft at the outstretched petal and the bottom pops loose. To replace, just line up the plastic arms with the slots and press gently. Again, had the Little Su Tulip had a more conventional battery compartment that could be tightened shut, it would have been waterproof.

Because the Little Su Tulip is made of 100% silicone, you can only use a water-based lubricant with it.

To cycle through the different vibration strengths, you press the button on the bottom until you reach the one you want. To turn it off, you press the bottom button one more time after the highest setting. So in other words, you have to cycle through the three speeds to get to the off position.

The outstretched petal of the Little Su Tulip reaches my clit with ease. Because there is an independent motor inside it, it flutters against my clit while the shaft, with it’s motor stimulates my G-spot. I love the dual stimulation. Alex is super disappointed that he won’t get to use this in his ass. He thinks the dual motors would provide amazing prostate stimulation and the outstretched petal would pleasure his taint (perineum).
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Libido Disparity, A Common Problem

Name: Chris
Gender: male
Age: 29
Location:
I’m 29 and I’ve been married for the last 3 years. I was seeing my wife for 5 years prior to being married so I guess it’s been a total of 8 years that we’ve been together. When we first got together everything was great the sex was outstanding ya know 69 all types of positions tons of oral, tons of foreplay and she had an orgasm every time. It seems that just in the last couple of years everything has dwindled away to the point where it’s her on top for a little bit, me on top for a little bit till I finish then we go back to the living room and hang out. Whenever I bring up the subject she gets very uncomfortable and won’t talk about it. And it’s really starting to freak me out in every aspect of our relationship. I love the girl, so I don’t want to go anywhere. I’m wondering if there’s any hope to get things back to the way they used to be that fresh hotness and spontaneity. How can I bring the heat back?

Like I always say, If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard this same complaint from a frustrated and desperate man or woman trapped in an undersexed marriage, I’d have enough money to lay down my keyboard, give up my status as the most fabulous and revered sexpert in the universe and retire to Maui.

Despite the frequency of the grievance, it still breaks my heart to hear the despair. I mean it’s one thing to have the sexual connection between partners drift away by mutual consent. It’s another thing all together to have one partner dissolve the sexual connection unilaterally while leaving the other partner bewildered and disoriented.

And what gives with a partner who refuses to talk about why the sex has taken a nosedive? That is so wrong. I can understand not knowing exactly what to say about things goin’ south, or even how to say what may be on your mind, but to clam up all together, that’s just unfair. Suppose the problem had to do with finances instead of sex. What if one of you decided to start splurging on major purchases without consulting the other? There’d be hell to pay then, huh? There’d be no duckin’ out of the responsibility by clamin’ up in this instance, I’ll bet. But when it comes to sex, somehow the same rules for accountability don’t always apply. Why is that?

Sexuality is both a personal expression and a means of bonding with another. Thus sexual wellbeing in a relationship is way more than just the old in and out. It means taking responsibility for one’s eroticism as an integral part of relationship. Sex is a way of expressing one’s self as well as our love for the other. The confusion, unhappiness and anxiety that results from the breakdown of this fundamental tenet will, as you suggest Chris, spill over into and contaminate other areas of the relationship. But it doesn’t need to happen.

When I encounter this predicament in my counseling practice, I always build in some individual time with each partner even though the couple is there for “couples counseling.” I often get a much better sense of what’s causing the breakdown in these private sessions than I do when the couple and I work together as a threesome. Sometimes it’s easier for the individual to talk to me privately than to be open, honest and forthcoming about his/her feelings with his/her partner sitting right there.

My experience tells me that more often than not, a refusal to discuss sexual concerns has more to do with not knowing how to express oneself without hurting the feelings of the other. Sometimes an individual simply doesn’t know herself why things are different than they once were. Sometimes there are lifestyle issues at play — family concerns, work concerns, lack of sleep, drugs and alcohol consumption, etc. Sometimes there are medical and psychological issues that impact on a person’s libido — weight gain, birth control, other pharmaceutical drugs, diabetes and depression to mention a few.

There’s also something we in the business call: “desire discrepancy disorder,” which is just a fancy-schmancy way of saying one partner has a stronger libido then the other. But often the simplest and most ordinary explanation is that the partnered sex has become stale, rote and boring.

Whatever the cause of the imbalance, it needs to be addressed as a couple. Once the couple has identified the problem the next step is learning how to talk about it in an effective yet non-threatening way. This can be tricky, to say the least. But it is still so much easier than trying to avoid the issue all together.

Ok, so your wife is reluctant to discuss the matter with you, Chris. That just means you’re gonna have to be proactive in bringing this issue to a head. And I’m not suggesting that you browbeat your wife about her unwillingness to talk about the issue. It’s gonna be all about you leading by example. Here’s what I suggest. Set up a time for you and your wife to have a sit-down. This needs to be scheduled in advance so that both of you know it’s coming. There ought be no surprises. This conference should not immediately follow sex, especially disappointing sex. Set aside at least 30 minutes when you guys are fresh and relaxed and then start preparing what you want to say. Take notes if necessary.

When the time comes for the sit down, I encourage you to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Begin by laying out how you feel and owing your feelings. “I feel confused. I feel frustrated. I feel that our relationship is in jeopardy.” Stay away from statements like “you make me feel…blah, blah, blah. These kinds of pronouncements will only muddy the waters. Then I suggest that you invite your wife to do the same. If she can’t, or won’t, move on to what steps you will take to get to the bottom of this. Something like, “I don’t want to continue the status quo. I’ve decided that I am going to seek some professional help for this. Maybe there’s something I’m missing. I can’t get to the bottom of this on my own, so maybe a sex therapist will help me understand what’s going on.” Again, invite her to join you in this effort. If she refuses or stalls out, move on to closing the discussion. You might say something like, “thank you for hearing me out on this. I don’t mean to put you on the spot, but I think our relationship is worth the effort to preserve it. And I’m actually gonna do something to make sure that we stay together. My invitation to you to join me in this effort will remain open.” End of discussion!

Of course, if you take this route, you will have to follow through on your commitment. If you don’t you will sabotage the whole damn thing, which will only make matters considerably worse. I encourage you to find a sex-positive therapist to work with. A good resource for this is The American College of Sexologists. Visit the directory page on their website. You will find listings for certified sexologists and sex therapists all over the world. If there is no one near you, contact the person closest to you and ask for a referral. Often my fellow ACS therapists and sexologists are very well connected to the broader sex-positive communities in their area.

You may also wish to consult me, even if you’re not here in Seattle. Check out the Therapy Available link in the header of my site for all the information you’ll need to make an enlightened decision about working with me.

Whatever you do, don’t settle for the path of least resistance. Your leadership might be just the thing your wife is looking for to muster her own strength to face the facts. Either way, the problem you are facing will not go away simply by ignoring it. Disappointments will become resentments and resentments will inevitably lead to acting-out and that will surely fuck things up royally.

Good luck

Wood you, could you

Hey sex fans,

We have another swell edition of Product Review Friday comin’ at ya. So yay for that!

Ya know what we’ve been missing? Wood! That’s what we’ve been missing.

One of our most favorite sex toy materials in the whole wide world is wood and we haven’t had any wooden products to review since late 2008. This simply won’t do. (See our earlier reviews HERE!)

To remedy this I reached out to our new friends, the artisans at The Wood Wang Workshop. First, kudos to them for their very clever name. Second, wait till you get a load of their amazing products. We have two of their toys on tap for today and another one will appear in a couple of weeks

Their website touts their philosophy: “For the ultimate organic orgasm.” And so it is. You simply can’t get any GREENER than wood, sex fans.

But let’s not take my word for it. Let’s check in with the Dr Dick Review Crew members — Gina & Kevin, to see what’s on their mind

Amy — £30.00

Chunky Rectangular Paddle — £25.00

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “We starting off 2012 with a bang. Actually, it was more like a whack than a bang, but I’ll get to that in a minute. Right now I just want to say I am a total wood convert.”
Kevin: “Ditto! Thanks to the amazing craftsmen at The Wood Wang Workshop I probably have the happiest ass in town — filled up and roughed up at the same time.”
Gina: “The Amy (an adorable butt plug) and the Chunky Rectangular Paddle are our first foray into the world of wooden toys. And all I can say is; what took us so long to discover the ultimate in GREEN sex toys? They’re both hand crafted and like all handmade things they are one of a kind. No one else has exactly the same toys as us. In this age of mass produced toys, the realization that we have something unique is refreshing.”
Kevin: “I really got off on knowing that these beauties were made by British perverts. I don’t know why that thrills me so, but it does. The Amy and the Chunky Rectangular Paddle are just two of the beautiful kinky toys one will find on The Wood Wang Workshop. And, for the most part, you can choose to have your toy sculpted from any one of a variety of unusual and exotic woods, each with a different color and grain. All of the woods they use are forested from sustainable sources making their products environmentally friendly. You’d have a very difficult time indeed trying to find a more socially responsible sex toy company anywhere.”
Gina: “That’s true enough! But let’s not forget the pleasure these GREEN toys deliver. Our Amy is made from a wood I had never heard of before, Goncalo Alves. It’s so pretty and petite. It’s only about 3” long and about an inch and a half wide at its widest. I’d call Amy a beginner’s size plug. Kevin has several butt plugs, some of them are much larger than this one, but he says the Amy is oh so comfortable he can wear it for hours on end.”
Kevin: “Absolutely! I love me some butt plugs. You know the difference between a plug and any other type of insertable, right? If not, let me quickly clue you in. A butt plug is shorter and has a unique shape. The insertable part is often a tapered cone shape, designed for easy insertion and that delicious filled-up feeling while it’s in place. The plug tapers more dramatically near the base into a notch. This allows your sphincter muscle to close down on the plug keeping it firmly in place. Finally the wide base keeps it from slipping inside your bum. Pretty gal-darn clever, huh?”
Gina: “While Kevin quickly snapped up the Amy, I latched on to the very handsome Chunky Rectangular Paddle. Ours is made of cherry wood. Once I felt its heft, about 6oz, and fingered the braded rawhide wrist thong I knew I’d be able to punish Kevin’s ass in style. The two holes in the paddle leave very distinctive marks on his beautiful bottom.”
Kevin: “Oh yeah! It hurts real good. Like I said; there’s nothing better than having my ass filled up and roughed up at the same time.”
Gina: “I love liberating my inner dominatrix. I’ve come so very far from my innocent Catholic schoolgirl upbringing it sometimes surprises me. Kevin corrupted me and I’m ever so grateful.”
Kevin: “It is a real trip seeing Gina come into her own sexually and in power play. However, as much as I would like to take credit for corrupting her, the truth is she was ripe for picking, even when we first met. She’s taken to kink like she was raised that way.”
Gina: “Ok, I confess; I really get off on this. There was never any coercion involved. Kevin simply had to suggest a little perversion and I was totally up for it. Maybe it’s true what they say; kinksters are born not made.”
Kevin: “The Amy and the Chunky Rectangular Paddle are easy to care for. In fact, The Wood Wang Workshop artisans thoughtfully include a card with care instructions. Oh, and the Amy comes in a black satin drawstring pouch to keep it clean and safe between uses.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

If it’s not one thing, it’s another…

Name: Malcolm
Gender: Male
Age: 40
Location: Johannesburg
I’m in love with this guy who is as sweet as the day is long. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. What makes him so charming is he’s only recently come out as gay. Before this he was married. He is not jaded like so many other guys I meet. But there’s a problem. He’s real vanilla. I guess that’s the down side of coming out of a heterosexual marriage at the age of 35. He’s happy as a clam fucking me a couple times a week. He thinks anal sex is really adventurous and sexually daring. I on the other hand, am suffocating in the boredom. I know, now I sound really jaded, but I can’t help it. It’s just that there’s so much more to sex than what we are doing. I want to introduce him to some kinky shit, but I’m afraid that I will scare him off. What the fuck should I do?

I absolutely adore messages that start out: “I’m so in love. He/she is everything I ever wanted, blah, blah, blah!” Because I know that only a few words later the other shoe is gonna drop, and drop hard. “But there’s a problem, blah, blah, blah!”

Of course there’s a problem. There is always a problem…even with Mr. or Ms. Perfect, or maybe because your honey is so freakin perfect. Take it from me, sexual dissatisfaction will upset even the most tranquil and rosy apple cart and send everyone into a tizzy. Allow me to share with you something I wrote about this very issue about ten years ago. I think you will find the advice as fresh as the day it was written.

So you’ve met the person of your dreams only you haven’t got around to telling your new honey your dirty little secret. The sweet thing hasn’t a clue that you’re itchin’ for some big time bondage. Or that you’d sell your soul to be dominated like the scum that you are. Or you’re salivating over that dildo you have tucked away in the attic, the one that could be mistaken for a floor lamp. Or you’re craving to be spanked till your shameless ass glows in the dark. Or you want to hump his/her feet like a dog and gobble up his/her toe jam. Or you have this nasty little thing about spike heels, frilly knickers and jungle red lipstick.

Never fear, Dr. Dick has heard it all a million times before. Some sorry pervert’s got it bad for white bread. Dear Dr. Dick, Help! I’m in love with the sweetest guy/gal in the word, but our sex life is all vanilla all the time. I’m bored shitless! I know how to liven things up, you see I have this fetish (you fill in the blank) but I don’t know how to tell him/her about it and I’m afraid s/he’ll freak if s/he finds out. What’s a perv to do?

Introducing your partner to your personal world of kink is tricky; the whole little love match could blow up in your face. But a life of pretense and sexual boredom isn’t the way to go either. Why not just stand tall like the disgusting depraved creature you are and brazenly proclaim your fetish to little Mary Sunshine. After all, unless your boyfriend or gal-pal is as dumb as a post s/he’s already figured out that your mutual sex life limps. Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting an innocent. Who knows, s/he may have secrets of his/her own.

Here’s what I suggest. Casually direct the conversation to the amazing variety of human sexual expression. You could reassure your sweetie that just because some things are unfamiliar don’t make them bad. Tell him/her that you’ve been waiting for your relationship to mature so that you could share the intricacies of your desires with him/her. This can be one of those precious bonding moments that Oprah’s always talkin’ about. This might be a good time to view that special video you picked up in the kink section of the local porn emporium. Invite her/him to explore your fantasy with you. Tell the little flower that your love for him/her demands that you share the fullness of your sexuality with her/him. Then pick one turn-on for the two of you to experiment with — lingerie, toys, dominance and submission, role-playing, whatever.

Decide on a safe-word, an out of context word your partner could use if the experiment is heading in an uncomfortable direction. For example, if the dildo is too big or the lipstick is too red, s/he could say “pickles.” The safe-word, when uttered in the scenario, will let you know that you need to change direction or slow down without completely destroying the built up sexual energy.

If this initiation process doesn’t work Dr. Dick suggests that you cut your losses and dump the white bread. Go out and find yourself a kindred spirit, someone you won’t have to apologize to for being creative in your sex play.

Good luck

The Erotic Mind of Christine Warren — Podcast #318 — 01/30/12


Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

We’re back with more of The Erotic Mind series, but today we return to our roots, the world of words. After a couple of weeks of chat with a noted erotic visual artist the series resumes with a conversation with an established erotic literary artist. I have the pleasure of welcoming the New York Times and USA Today Bestselling author, Christine Warren.

As a special treat, Christine reads from her novel; One Bite With A Stranger. You’re gonna love this!

Christine and I discuss:

  • Our mutual friend Switchy Sam;
  • Why she writes under a pen name;
  • The stigma associated with writing erotica and romance;
  • Her shoe and handbag fetish;
  • The difference between writing a short story and a novel;
  • Being a best selling author;
  • The line between erotica and romance;
  • The evolution of Romantica;
  • Smart Bitches, Trashy Books;
  • Dirty little words;
  • Her pets and her life in the Pacific Northwest.

 

Christine invites you to visit her on her site HERE! Find her on Facebook HERE and Twitter HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.