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Dr Dick’s Sex Positive Doctrine

No podcast today; instead there’s this…

Have you ever wondered about the term, sex positive? If you’re like me you see it all over the place, especially on sex-related sites. I confess I use it way more often than I should. It’s become one of those industry buzzwords that has, over time, become so fuzzy around the edges that it’s now virtually meaningless. In fact, if the truth be known, I believe the term sex positive has been taken over by the sex Taliban who have made it a cover for their strict code of political correctness. Oddly enough, this is the very antithesis of its original meaning.

If you want to shame someone in the sex field—be it a sex worker, blogger or adult product manufacturer—you label that person as sex-negative. You may not know anything about that person other than you were offended by something they did, said or made. But still, you hurl the epithet as if you were exorcising a heretic. This is a very powerful tool for keeping people in my industry in line. But I’ve begun to wonder, who is setting themselves up as the arbiter of what is and what is not sex positive? I have to ask: What is the agenda? I mean, could compulsory ideological purity of some artificial standards of thought or behavior be “positive” anything? I say, no!

Like all good ideas that have gone bad due to overuse—or worse, sloppy use—the sex positive concept once had meaning that was life-affirming and enriching. Sex positive has been in the lexicon at least since the mid-1950s. It frequently appears in journals and research papers to describe a movement that examines and advocates for all the other beneficial aspects of sex beyond reproduction.

I’ve been using the term since 1981 when I opened my practice in Clinical Sexology and Sexual Health Care. The opening words of my mission statement read: “I affirm the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond.” Way back then, I was flush with my quixotic pursuit to stand steadfast against all the cultural pressures to negate or denigrate sexuality and pleasure. I dedicated myself to spreading the gospel that healthy attitudes toward sex not only affect a person’s sex life, but his/her ability to relate well with others.

This came relatively easy for me, because I’d learned something very important about evangelization in my life as a Catholic priest. (Another quixotic pursuit, but we’ll have to save the details of that misadventure for another time.) One of the first things one learns in seminary is how to proselytize, to sow the seeds of a creed, and then nurture them taking root by endless repetition of the articles of faith. Of course there is a downside to this, too. Repetition fosters mindlessness, stifles creative thought, and worse makes things boring.

But the creed statements of the world’s three great monotheistic religions are masterful works of theological art.

Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu Melekh ha’olam!
Allaahu Akbar!
In the name of the Father, and of the Son and the of the Holy Spirit!

Each contains the most profound kernel of religious truth the believer needs to know, but all are easy enough for a child to learn. And like I said, the secret is in the repetition. For the true devotee, these creedal statements are uttered dozens of times a day and to great effect.

Early on in my career as a sexologist, I decided to put the principles I learned in the Church into disseminating my new belief system. First, keep the message simple! I settled on: “Sex is Good—and Good Sex is Even Better.” This has been my mantra for decades. It contains everything you need to know about being sex positive, but it’s easy enough for a child to learn. Even now, I close each of my podcasts with this same article of faith. To this day it soothes me to hear myself say these words. And it comforts me in the same way blessing myself did in my priestly days.

Despite my apprehensions, I continue to be an apostle of the sex positive doctrine. I know that even though my industry has corrupted the concept, others have yet to hear the good news. And there’s something almost spiritual about seeing someone grasp the idea for the first time. Let me tell you about one such instance. Some while ago I was asked to offer a workshop for a group of doctors on the topic: Health Care Concerns Of Sexually Diverse Populations. Unfortunately, just a handful of doctors attended the workshop—which was pretty disconcerting, considering all the work I’d put into the presentation. I guess that’s why kinksters and pervs, as well as your run-of-the-mill queer folk, are often frustrated in their search for sensitive and lifestyle-attuned healing and helping professionals.

Since the group of doctors attending was so small, I decided to ask them to pull their chairs in a circle so that our time together could be a bit more informal and intimate. Frankly, I’ve never found it easy talking to doctors about sex; and discussing kinky sex was surely going to be very tricky. So, I decided to start off as gently as I could. My opening remarks included the phrases “sex positive” and “kink positive.”

Sitting as close to my audience as I was, I could see at once that these fundamental concepts weren’t registering with them. I was astonished. Here was a group of physicians, each with a large urban practice. Could they really be this out of touch? I quickly checked in with them to see if my perception was correct. I was right! None of them had heard the term, sex positive. The two who hazarded a guess at its meaning thought it had something to do with being HIV+. I had my work cut out for me.

I decided to share my creed with them. “Sex is Good—and Good Sex is Even Better.” I asked them repeat it with me as if I were teaching a catechism to children. Surprisingly, they did so without resistance. After we repeated the mantra a couple more times, I exposed them to the sex positive doctrine unencumbered by political correctness.

  • Sex Is Good! Sex is a positive force in human development; the pursuit of pleasure, including sexual pleasure, is at the very foundation of a harmonious society.
  • And Good Sex Is Even Better! The individual makes that determination. For example, what I decide is good sex for me, may be boring sex to someone else. And their good sex may be hair-raising to me. In other words, consensual sexual expression is a basic human right regardless of the form that expression takes. And it’s not appropriate for me, or anyone else, to call into question someone else’s consensual affectional choices.
  • Sex Is Good! Everyone has a right to clear, unambiguous sexual health information. It must be presented in a nonjudgmental way, particularly from his or her health care providers. And sexual health encompasses a lot more then just disease prevention, and contraception.
  • And Good Sex Is Even Better! The focus is on the affirmative aspects of sexuality, like sexual pleasure. Sexual wellbeing is more than simply being able to perform. It also means taking responsibility for one’s eroticism as an integral part of one’s personality and involvement with others.
  • Sex Is Good! Each person is unique and that must be respected. Our aim as healing and helping professionals is to provide information and guidance that will help the individual approach his/her unique sexuality in a realistic and responsible manner. This will foster his/her independent growth, personal integrity, as well as provide a more joyful experience of living.
  • And Good Sex Is Even Better! Between the extremes of total sexual repression and relentless sexual pursuit, a person can find that unique place, where he/she is free to live a life of self-respect, enjoyment and love.

Finally I told them they ought to think creatively how they could adapt this concept to their own practice. It was up to each of them to make this creed their own. As it turned out, this primer was just the thing to open my planned discussion of health of kinksters.

In a way this experience was a bit of a spiritual reawakening for me, too. Despite my misgivings about the contamination of the sex positive doctrine by malicious people bent on using it as a weapon against those they disagree with. I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to watch these sex positive novices hear, and then embrace, the message for the first time. It was nothing short of a religious experience.

Rapid Fire Dick 2

Name: Tom
Gender: Male
Age: 43
Location: Atlanta GA
Dr Dick I have a large dick and would like to know if size does make a difference, mine iscarrotdm7.jpg 11.5 X 7 I have a problem sometimes with this size, they say it is all in how you use it is this true. Thanks T/Tom

You must think I was born yesterday. NEXT!

Name: maddy
Gender: Female
Age: 14
Location:
hi, um i know i’m young and all but with the world today you’ll see anything, and the thing is is that i’m OBSESSED with penises (and really want to suck one, but wont and cant since i’m so young) and um i don’t know if its my teenage hormones or not, could u suggest what is wrong with me? thank you very much, bye.

Fourteen year old female OBSESSED with penises? I think not. You too must think I was born yesterday.

Ya know, folks, if you’re gonna make up shit, the least you can do is be creative. Plausibility is also a requirement. NEXT!

Name: ???
Gender: Male
Age:
Location:
If I bareback with another guy and he sperms in my ass will I get an STD if he doesn’t have one? If I drink another guy’s sperm will I get an STD if he had no STD?

Are you on acid?

stupid-tee-shirt.jpgHow could you get something (STI/STD) from someone who isn’t infected with anything? All ya have to do is think things through, right?

Perhaps, someone who’s unable to logically put 2 and 2 together is not yet mature enough for partnered sex. Perhaps, that person should stick to pullin’ his pud.

Name: Sam
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Location: UK
Hi Dr. I am a 22 years old male and I have two questions. 1- me and my boyfriend are having anal sex without using condoms, does that affect any of us in any way? 2- my penis is straight which is good, but is there any way that I could make it curve upwards?

WTF? Is this an epidemic of idiocy, or what?

(1) You’re 22 and you still haven’t got the message about the risks of barebacking? If you boys aren’t HIV- and in an exclusive relationship and you’re lovin’ without a glove; then you’re courting disaster. I guess this is one way to cull the herd.

(2) if your unit is straight, that’s the way it’s gonna stay. You won’t be able to train it to curve upward or any other direction.

Name: dave
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Location: oregon
Can a person catch h.i.v by swallowing the cum of a h.i.v. positive lover?

D’oh! You’re 45 and still don’t know the score about HIV transmission? Have you been living under a rock all these years?

Swapping bodily fluids is a sure-fire way of spreading the disease.

Name: John
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Location: Australia
hey, i’ve been finding that while having sex with my g/f that my foreskin is being pulled back upon entry, i’m pretty sure it’s meant to do this anyway when it’s erect but it never really has and frankly i find it a little bit painful. when masturbating i don’t pull it back and it doesn’t decrease pleasure, what do you think i should do?

Sounds like you need to stretch your foreskin so that it will easily retract over your dickhead whenever you want it to.

I’ve written and spoken about this extensively in the past. See the CATEGORY section to the left — in the sidebar? Look of the category Foreskin. Click on that and it will take you to all my podcasts and postings on the topic.

Name: s
Gender: Male
Age: 14
Location: ny
i am uncircumcised and my foreskin and frenulum are perfectly intact. i recently read a blog that said that the first time you have sex your foreskin will “snap” back. if this is true, does it hurt? if not, will how will my foreskin bend back?foreskin002

Nope, that’s untrue…all of it! But you have come to the right place for information about all things that relate to your natural (uncut) cock.

Did you notice the advice I gave to the fella (John) above you? Good! Because that information applies to you too.

It’s too bad that your dad (or parents) didn’t taken the time to clue you into what you can expect from, or how to properly care for your foreskin. It’s his (their) responsibility, ya know. Alas, many parents shirk their duty in this regard.

Listen up parents! Do the right thing. Sit the youngens down for the body/sex talk, why don’t cha already? If ya don’t, your kids will be saddled with all sorts of myths and misconceptions, like the one presented by this young pup. Passing on clear, unambiguous information about their body (including their genitals) and sex is as much your responsibility as putting food on the table.

And finally, mom and dad, if you are unclear about the nuts and bolts of how our bodies work and/or the ins and outs of sex; educate yourself before you lay the info on the kiddies. Remember, it’s your job to educate and enlighten, not add to their misinformation.

Name: BILL
Gender: Male
Age: 53
Location: NEW YORK
Would you cover the topic of sex after prostate surgery? It’s been 16 months since my surgery and i notice a decrease in my penis size. Why did that happen and will it return to normal?

Not only will I, but I already have!

See the CATEGORY section to the left — in the sidebar? Look of the category Prostatectomy
Click on that and it will take you to two podcasts I’ve done on the topic.

As to the decrease in the size of your unit; I’d guess that it has something to do with the trauma your genital area received during surgery. I’d be willing to bet that a whole lotta slow and pleasurable massage/masturbation will increase the oxygen-rich blood flow to the area and this will, in time, restore your willie to its former stature.

Name: steven
Gender: Male
Age: 34
Location: rsa
hi there. i have a webbed penis is it necessary 2 correct this and does it hinder foreskin restoration stretch exercises which seem 2 be working very slowlycircum_egypt.jpg

The term “webbed penis” can refer two different conditions. The first is where the skin of the scrotal sack extends part way up the shaft of the penis. Boys are born this way.

The second condition is a result of adhesions forming between the scrotal skin and the penile skin due to a botched circumcision.

Since you’re practicing foreskin restoration, I’m gonna guess that your condition is the result of a bungled circumcision.

It’s a bummer when an over-zealous doc (or Mohel) docks too much of a boy’s foreskin. It can make for painful erections when he get older. Sadly, this happens way more frequently then most people realize. There’s no way to correct this. In fact, if I were you, Steven, I’d keep my precious cock as far away from a scalpel as possible. I think enough damage has been done already, don’t you?

The foreskin restoration exercises you’re doing will help stretch the skin of your dick shaft and offer you some relief, especially if your erections cause a painful tightening of your dick skin. But, as you suggest, this will take a long time to achieve. I encourage you to keep at it though, because it’s truly worth the effort.

Name: Mike
Gender: Male
Age: 47
Location: Australia
Last year I contracted genital herpes. It eventually cleared up and fortunately has not re occurred. If I have fellatio performed on me and subsequently ejaculate, will I be placing my partner at risk of catching the herpes? Even though I show no symptoms of the disease? I would appreciate your advice. Regards, Mike.

Did you know that there are two herpes viruses? There’s the HSV-1 type (cold sores) and HSV-2 type (genital herpes). Did you know that up to 80 percent of adults have HSV-1 and 25 percent of adults have HSV-2? Kinda amazing, huh?

Obviously it’s pretty easy to catch one or both strains. A whole lotta infected people don’t even know they’ve been infected. Because they never have an outbreak, or the outbreak they have is so inconspicuous they don’t even notice.

Since you know you have herpes, Mike, it’s incumbent upon you to be upfront with your partner(s) about it. Just because you don’t notice an outbreak, doesn’t mean you can’t pass on the infection. That being said, since one out of every four adults has already been exposed, the information you will be sharing won’t be all that startling.

Being upfront with your partner(s) gives him/her the opportunity to make an informed decision about going down on your pole without a condom. And certainly as to weather or not he/she decides to accept the “gift” of your spunk, if ya catch my drift.

Anything less than full disclosure would mark you as a man who has no regard for the wellbeing and best interests of his partner(s).

Good luck ya’ll

RAPID FIRE DICK

My inbox overflowth! …and that ain’t pretty. Let’s attend to this glut with some snap.

Name: david
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Location: florida
i like my 6 inches and i work it well but,personaly i want atleast 7,should i worry about it or what should i do doc? thank you

You shouldn’t worry about it, pup. Like you say, 6″ is plenty. Besides, where would you find an extra inch if you absolutely needed to get one? I didn’t see any on e-bay!

Name: shane
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Location: las vegas
what is a more efficiant way to masterbait?

Beat your meat like it owed you money!

The way you jerk off isn’t efficient? Dare I ask, what inefficient method you are currently employing? How much more efficient do you want this exercise to be? Are you in that much of a hurry?

Name: Jen
Gender:
Age: 33
Location:
Last night, my sex partner came on my face, and his seamen got in my eye. I woke up today, and my eye is blood shot, and a bit swollen. Am I okay?

imag001.JPG

Bad shot!

I think you mean semen, right? Seamen are sailors! And boy, if you ever get a sailor in your eye, you’d wake up being a lot more than a little bloodshot and swollen.

Gettin’ spooge in your eye is no picnic; it stings like the dickens. You should be ok, though…that is if your sex partner is healthy. If he’s not, or if the redness and swelling continue see your doc right away!

Name: miles
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Location: Rapid city sd
I just started to let girls and guys fist me what is the posibel dangers.

You’re lettin’ folks shove a fist up your ass and you’re just now getting around to asking about the possible dangers? YIKES!

Well you’re in luck. I did a Sexual Enrichment Tutorial on fist fucking in a podcast a couple of weeks ago. Check it out: Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast 04/30/07. Listen to my response to Dena.

Name: holly
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: brisbane
hi… i have been with my partner now for 13 months and the sex we are having is getting boring as both of us are females..i just want to know if there is enything u can suggest for us to do to help spice it up a tad.. yours thankfully hol

Yeah, that girl on girl sex can get mighty boring, huh? All that carpet munching, and for what? Good thing you’ve turned to someone without a pussy or a clit for some helpful suggestions on spicing things up lesbian style. Hmmm, this sounds mighty fishy to me…and I don’t mean “fishy” in that way.

Have you tried strapping one on?

Name: thunder tounge
Gender: Male
Age: 37
Location: brooklyn, ny
do those penis inlarger pils work and if they do which ones are the best to get?

Nope, they don’t. Don’t waste your money!

Name: Nadine
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Ontario
My boyfriend bugs me to give him a blowjob and I just can’t and he always bugs me which bugs me more that I never want to do it. What can I do?

Why can’t ya smoke some pole, darlin’? It’s all the rage these days.

Maybe you could learn to like it. See my Sexual Enrichment Tutorial: So Ya Wanna Be A World-Class Cocksucker.

If ya can’t stomach the idea of a cock in your mouth, maybe you need to find yourself a boyfriend with out a dick…I think they’re called lesbians!

Name: joe
Gender:
Age: 39
Location: boston
why do women like sucking dick

They do? That would be news to me…and Nadine, the person right above you. She begs to differ.

Sure, I know some women like to suck cock. There are even those whose skill is renowned. Why, they can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. But I fear, givin’ a man a humble hummer is an odious task for most women. It ranks right up there with having a bad hair day.

Good luck

Monkey on my back

And now for one of our regular, semi-obligatory Meth-related questions. I get at least a half dozen of these questions a month. And each and every one of them breaks my heart. I know nothing about the fellow writing me; I don’t know where he lives or his age. I don’t suppose it really matters, does it?

I need some help and I hope you can point me in the right direction. I am recently divorced and trying to move on in life but I’m depressed all the time and also using meth a lot. I have tried to have different sexual partners since my divorce and every time I’m with someone new I can get a erection when we are messing around with no problem, but soon as its time for penetration I loose my erection I feel like I’m having anxiety issues and also I’m very nervous, and I’m not impotent so can it be the meth preventing me to keep it up, or do I need medication for my anxiety? How can I overcome this problem?

I’m certain I can point you in the right direction. Thanks for asking. Allow me to speak plainly. Quit the meth! Quitting won’t solve all your problems, but it is the first and most important step. And frankly, if you choose not to quit, all your other efforts to pull your life together are doomed.

MonkeyBackMeth is not a therapy for depression, nor is it gonna help you connect with a new partner. It most assuredly will not help your erection problems; in fact, it is the cause of your erection problems. But I’ll wager you know that already, huh?

You also have an underlying performance anxiety problem that needs to be addressed ASAP.

Find a competent sex therapist to help you. look to the directory of The American College of Sexology for someone near you. Or you can check out my Therapy Available page.

In the meantime, take a look at some of the stuff I’ve written and podcasts where I talk about meth. Use the pull-down CATEGORIES menu in the sidebar, to your right, and scroll down till you fine the SEX & SUBSTANCES category. It’s under that category that you will find the subcategory Crystal Meth.

You’ll also want to take a look at some of the stuff I’ve written and podcasts where I talk about performance anxiety. Again, use the pull-down CATEGORIES menu in the sidebar and scroll down till you fine the SEX THERAPY category. Under that category you will find the subcategory Performance Anxiety.

Here are examples of the stuff you’ll find.

On meth:

Name: Joey
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: Southern Calif
Love doing tina with masturbation and watching really hot porn. Think this is just social fun?

Nope, I don’t Joey. Despite the prevalence of this dastardly drug, there is nothing fun about tina…crystal meth for those unfamiliar with the term “tina”. If you love doing tina for whatever reason, I’d wager you’re hooked on that shit.

Listen, I’m not prude when it comes to using some crystalmakesmesexy.jpgdrugs recreationally. But I think that we’d do well to stick to those drugs that are more natural. The less processing involved (and meth is the worst in that regard) and fewer added chemicals (OMG, the crap they put in crystal) the better, in my humble opinion.

Despite the admitted high ya get, recent research shows that long-term meth use destroys nerve cells in the brain that regulate dopamine, muscle movement, memory, and decision-making. This damage can be wide-spread and permanent.

Your body reacts to crystal meth the same way it reacts to danger. Crystal floods the body with adrenaline — the same hormone that prepares us for emergencies. Adrenaline gives a super-charge of strength and endurance so the body can deal with danger and injury. But artificially triggering this response over and over again will have serious consequences.

When you use crystal, your nervous system shifts into high gear. The brain floods your body with “danger” messages. Your body responds immediately to what it thinks is a threat. It prepares to fight or to run away. Common body responses to perceived danger include:

  • Pupils dilate to let in more light.
  • Hair stands on end (“getting goose bumps”).
  • Blood vessels just under the skin constrict.
  • Body temperature goes up

Regular, long-term crystal use will diminish sores of neurotransmitters. Episodes of paranoia and anxiety become more frequent and longer lasting. Blocked blood vessels within the brain can lead to increased chances of stroke.

Crystal fucks with your dopamine levels. Dopamine delivers a sense of reward and pleasure. It is also associated with body movement. Too little dopamine causes paralysis or a Parkinson’s-like tremors and rigidity. Too much dopamine and a person can become paranoid, hear voices and get twisted thoughts. Sound familiar?

Crystal fucks with your serotonin levels. Serotonin is involved in regulating sleep and sensory perception. It plays a role in moods and regulating body temperature. Serotonin is involved with many emotional disorders like schizophrenia, phobias, super-aggressive states and obsessive-compulsive behavior. Too much serotonin can make it difficult (or impossible) to have an orgasm. And of course there’s the dreaded “crystal dick”…the inability to get it up.

Joey, listen up! You’re way too young with too much of your life ahead of you to self-inflict so much serious irreparable damage on yourself. If this weren’t such a troublesome drug, there wouldn’t be such a virulent anti and reformed tweeker community out there. Want to know the real truth about “tina” check in at: crystalmeth.org. You’ll be glad you did.

On Performance Anxiety:

I get a dozen or so messages a month on this topic. I’ve written about it in numerous postings and spoken about it in several podcasts, but still the email comes.

One of the real bugaboos for anyone, regardless of gender, is living up to our own expectations of sexual performance. So many things can get in the way, literally and figuratively, of fully enjoying ourselves and/or pleasuring our partners.

The arousal stage of our sexual response cycle is particularly vulnerable to a disruption. And when there’s trouble there, there’s no hiding it. A limp dick or a dry pussy can put the kibosh on all festivities that we may have hoped would follow.

However, performance anxiety can strike any of us, regardless of age, and at just about any point in our sexual response cycle. This is a particularly galling when it seems to come out of the blue. And regaining our composure can be more far more difficult than we imagine.

Today we will be focusing on male performance anxiety. I’ll address female performance anxiety at a later date.
Complete Article HERE!

Good luck

The Little Engine That Could

Name: Terri
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Location: ND
I’m having a problem with knowing when I am feeling an orgasm. I feel like I have to fake it around my husband because I am unsure. Sometimes when I’m alone I just feel like I have to go to the bathroom so I stop myself and then other times I feel like my legs are paralyzed but that’s it. I don’t ever feel like I’m sexually stimulated. Just tired. Any ideas as to what I am doing or not doing or what might be causing it?

I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that your are, what we in the business call, preorgasmic. My experience tells me that if you’ve actually had an orgasm, you’d know it. All the symptoms you list — feel like you have pee; feel like your legs are paralyzed; or just plain exhausted, don’t sound orgasmic to me.

clitoral anatomyI can’t actually say I know what you are doing wrong, if anything. You don’t really go into detail on how you pleasure yourself. But I will hazard a guess as to what is causing this. And that would be inadequate stimulation to your pleasure centers.

Even in this day and age where sexually laden messages abound in the popular culture, there are still some women, even young women, who are unversed about orgasms in general and how they could go about getting one for themselves in particular.

Orgasms don’t always come easily for some women, and that’s a fact. I suppose there are as many reasons for this as there are preorgasmic women. A woman’s pleasure center (her clit) is more subtle and less obvious than a man’s raging boner. Women are socialized about sexuality — even nowadays — in a much different way then men are. Men have more cultural permissions to be sexually adventuresome than do women. And if the truth be told, us men folk, — we don’t need no stinkin’ permission to get our self off!clit

The basic formula for achieving an orgasm is acquainting yourself with your pussy. Map out all the points of interest. Find out what feels good, and repeat it. The object of this first step is not to stress about having an orgasm it’s all about reconnecting with your cunt.

The more you know about this marvelous part of you the better you’re gonna be at slammin yourself a screamin’ meme when the time comes. Knowing your way around your pussy is also gonna be helpful in partnered sex, especially if your partners are men.

The first part of this exercise is called a self-sexological exam. Get a hand mirror and find a really detailed diagram of female genitalia on the internet. Using the diagram as a guide, work at familiarizing yourself and making friends with your pussy. Once you are certain you know all the parts, I want you to do a detailed touch test. I want you to test for sensitivity very square inch of your body from your asshole to your navel. I want you to draw pictures of your own cunt and surrounding area, then color them to represent the levels of sensitivity — red being the hottest and most pleasurable areas to blue being the more neutral areas and all the colors in-between. I encouraged you to try this exercise with both a wet hand and a dry hand. I suggest a nice personal lubricant for your wet hand exploration. Spend at least 30 minutes a day for three consecutive days on this home-play. You have a lot of reacquainting to do, don’t cha know. And this is private time; your partner(s) is not invited.

hitachi-magic-wandThe next step in your home-play will include a vibrator. If you don’t already have one, shop for one. There are plenty of suggestions for vibes on my product reviews site: DrDickSexToyReviews.com. (There’s a vast array of pleasure products on that site and all the guesswork has been eliminated. The Dr Dick Review Crew painstakingly reviewed each product so that you’ll be able to see what’s hot and what’s not.)

Now using the pictures you created of your genitals in part one of this exercise, I want you to kick-start that vibrator, throw it into first gear and start making small lazy circles around the blue areas, and work your way to the bright red areas. Do this privately for 30 minutes for three consecutive days or until there was a breakthrough.

The next step is masturbation. You may have tried it before without success, that’s ok. This time you’ll be better informed about all the hot spots of your cooch that you learned in step one. I’m a big fan of full body masturbation. So while you’re diddlin’ yourself spread the sexual energy all over your body — tits, ass, feet, mouth, whatever.Aloe Cadabra

Vary your technique: stroke, pinch, pat, massage, and rub yourself all over. Vary your breathing, gyrate your hips, listen to sexy music, rent some porn, watch yourself in a mirror, or throw in some Kegel exercises. Try a wet hand. Play with yourself in the bath. Hell, dance around naked with a jewel in your navel…whatever it takes.

Many women experience their first orgasm with the help of a vibrator. I encourage you to be adventuresome and experiment with one too. Try a dildo or another sex toy.

Be sure to keep a journal during this exploratory period. This will help you later to bridge the gap in communicating with your partner(s).

Finally, Terri, I want to turn you on to a fantastic website, www.Clitical.com. This is a one-stop shop for all things relating to female sexuality.

Good luck

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