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Touched for the very first time, Part 2

Look for Part 1 of this two part series HERE.

Let’s pick up where we left off last week, on the perils young people face as they navigate the expectations of virginity and sex, and begin to consider their first forays into partnered sex.

Teenagers face enormous peer pressure when it comes to sex, yet there’s precious little education afforded them in terms of the fundamentals of human sexuality. This dearth of clear, unambiguous information on how our bodies work is just the first way we let down our children. There’s almost nothing available to teens to emotionally prepare them for partnered sex.

Mariana is 17. She writes:

I lost my virginity yesterday, but I did not bleed. Why is this?

Hold on there, missy! That’s it? That’s all you’re gonna say about your first time at bat? Is there anyone else out there who is as perplexed by this as I am?

Maybe I’m reading way too much into this. Maybe it is, after all, par for the course. For some young women, the externals of first-time partnered sex are the more important then the act itself. Maybe that’s because less than 5 percent of women have an orgasm the first time they have sex.

It’s clear that we do put more emphasis on the outward signs of virginity, which, in turn trumps everything else?

I guess, Mariana, I would have liked to know if congratulations are order? Was your first time enjoyable? Are you happy it happened? It’s so amazing to me that you didn’t mention any thing about your first intercourse other than that fact that you didn’t bleed. Maybe that’s your way of saying it wasn’t so special.

Sorry about the diversion there, Mariana, as you may know, the hymen is a mucous membrane that is part of the vulva, the external part of a woman’s genitals. It is located outside the vagina, which is the internal part of a woman’s genitals. Not all women have a noticeable hymen. You may or may not have had one to begin with. However, you are right in thinking that most women do. Simply put, having a hymen and/or having it rupture during one’s first coital experience is not necessarily a good indicator of virginity.

Many girls and teens tear or otherwise dilate their hymen while participating in sports like bicycling, horseback riding or gymnastics. This can also happen while inserting tampons, or while masturbating. A girl may not even know she’s done this, since there may be little or no blood or pain involved when it actually happens. The tissues of the vulva are generally very thin and delicate prior to puberty. Again, the presence or absence of a hymen (or its bleeding) in no way indicates whether or not a woman is a virgin.

Some hymens are elastic enough to permit a penis (or similar object) to enter without tearing, or they tear only partially, and there is NO bleeding at all. As I hope you know, when you are adequately aroused, your vagina will lubricate itself and become more flexible. For many women, it will stretch without discomfort. It’s even possible for a woman to have sex for years without “tearing” her hymen.

Tia, age 19, has a very unusual concern.

I have a problem. I’m still a virgin, but my bf thinks I’m not. It’s really my fault he thinks this, cuz I told him I was all experienced and everything. We’ve been going together for about eight months already, and I really want my first time to be with him, but how am I going to act all experienced when I don’t know what I’m doing.
HELP ME PLEASE!!!

That sure enough is a pickle you got yourself into, darlin’. You’ve got some “splainin’ to do, Lucy!”

Curiously enough, I’m more likely to hear from young women who are not virgins, but want to know how they can fool a new partner into thinking they are. I guess we can chalk up all this deception and confusion to the powerful associations every culture imposes on technical virginity.

And like most things sexual, there is a huge double standard between the cultural and personal implications of virginity for men and women. The cultural expectations regarding virginity are also tied to age as well as gender. For example, our society expects its 16-year-old girls to be virgins. To be otherwise at that tender age would be a scandal in most communities. But a 35-year-old woman who is still a virgin is considered an old maid—or worse, a (gasp) lesbian.

Of course, things are a bit more fluid when it comes to boys. On one hand, a 16-year-old boy who is not a virgin may raise eyebrows in some communities. But many others in those same communities would praise him for being a “stud.” On the other hand, a 35-year-old man who is still a virgin is not only the butt of jokes—or worse, a “queer”—but he’s also more of a disgrace to his gender than an old maid is to hers. Funny how that works, huh?

I hasten to add that there is a lot to argue with in terms of these arbitrary cultural norms, and I encourage ya’ll to argue away. God knows I do! And just because they’re there, and considered “norms” where you are, that doesn’t mean you have to buy into them. God knows I don’t! So make up your own mind.

But back to you, Tia. I’d love to know why you felt the need to deceive your boyfriend in the first place. Do the people you hang with prize sexual experience over sexual innocence for a woman of 19? And what are the expectations of your peer group regarding a 19-year-old guy? I’ll bet the expectation is that he be sexually experienced—right?

Well, you can see why a lot of people—and not just you—find this whole thing just too damned complicated. And rather than adding to the confusion or the deception, I encourage you to come clean with your boyfriend about the status, as it were, of your cherry.

Here’s why I think this is the best policy. First, if the boyfriend is sexually experienced, it will be very difficult for you to hide the fact that you are not. Besides, like you said in your message to me: “I really want my first time to be with him.” Tell him that! No man is gonna turn that down…ever. In fact, that may be the most sexually charged and treasured sentence in any language.

Begin the big talk with your boyfriend like this: “Baby, I got something real special to tell you. You know how I’ve been saying that I’ve been with other guys and everything? Well that was just my way of keeping all the other guys from pestering me for my junk. Baby, the truth is I haven’t had sex before now. And the best part of this is I’ve decided that I really want my first time to be with you. My cherry belongs to you, baby”

Clearing the air like this will also allow you to relax when the moment finally happens. And relaxation is the key to enjoying yourself. And you should enjoy yourself, because no one can do that for you.

Good luck!

The Well-Pierced Cock

Nowadays, body piercings are all the rage. And, as we all know, some folks can’t stop with just a few—which can lead to some humorous predicaments when being wanded by airport security. While I firmly believe in the right of every man to augment, embellish, or in any other way customize his equipment, it’s a personal decision. If it makes you happy, go for it. If it ain’t for you, just say NO.

Should I Get Pierced?
Here we have Chad; he’s 25 and lives in Alaska.

    My new girlfriend is five years older than me and she is a total freak. She has purple hair, five tattoos and seven piercings, including her labia. She wants me to get my dick pierced. I said I’d think about it, but she says I’m a pussy for putting it off. I know a lot of guys have piercings, but is it safe?

Sounds to me like your freaky-deaky girlfriend is badgering you to get pierced. That’s not good. If I were you, I’d tell her to back off ’til you can make up your own mind. It’s a good thing you’re being so thoughtful about this, because even though a piercing isn’t as permanent as a tattoo, there still are risks involved…more so than getting inked.

Piercings and Safety
As body piercings become more popular, many people try to outdo each other with the unusual. However, the most common piercings have their roots in the traditions of tribal peoples throughout the world. This is particularly true for genital piercings. Many cultures practice erotic piercing to enhance both visual appearance and physical arousal.

The first thing you should know is that body piercing is an art form. It is best practiced by well-trained, highly qualified, seasoned professionals. If you entrust your body to an amateur, you’re probably asking for trouble—so do your homework. As piercing establishments proliferate, some will be better than others. In most jurisdictions, piercers and their salons are required to be registered and licensed. You might want to check your local health department for information and recommendations.

Before you decide to proceed, visit the piercer in his/her shop. Ask questions. Ask them how they sterilize their instruments and jewelry. Autoclaving is the only safe method. Nowadays, all needles should be single-use instruments. They should be opened just prior to the piercing, and then disposed of immediately thereafter. If the shop offers other services, like tattooing, make sure the piercing is done in a separate room (for privacy as well as hygiene).

Most people are initially concerned with the pain involved in getting pierced. Depending on what you’re getting pierced, the level of pain can range from moderate to…well, a lot. And that’s just the beginning. Once the jewelry is in place, there will be at least two to three days when the piercing area is very sensitive to the touch. Because some areas of the body have more blood vessels than others—like your dick, for example—expect some blood loss and a lot of swelling post-piercing. Trust me; getting a boner afterward will be your worst nightmare.

That being said, you’ll be amazed at how resilient the body is. It has a phenomenal ability to heal itself. Of course, the practitioner should provide you with detailed aftercare instructions. These will outline all the procedures and aftercare products you’ll need to attend to yourself while you heal. A word of caution, if your general health is compromised in any way: if you are sick, run-down, overworked, or immune-compromised, your body’s ability to heal will be diminished and the risk of infection will be increased.

As you heal, any pressure on a piercing has the potential to aggravate and inflame the site. You’d best refrain from contact sports, manual labor, or anything else that’ll irritate your new piercing. Most piercings take a minimum of six weeks to heal. Wearing tight clothes, touching the piercing with dirty hands, contact with bodily fluids, rough treatment, and using inappropriate cleaning agents will further diminish your body’s ability to heal and increase the risk of infection. And don’t skimp on the quality of jewelry you choose, either. Cheap-grade jewelry can fuck up the piercing big-time. Look for medical-grade stainless steel, titanium or 18k gold.

Baubles, Bangles and Beads
Given all the pain and risks, you might ask, why do people bother getting pierced at all? Well, that’s pretty easy to answer. Piercing enhances sex by providing a greater degree of stimulation to one’s self and one’s partner.

(Click on the thumbnails below to see a slideshow of popular male genital piercings.)

[nggallery id=104]

The most popular cock piercing is the Dressing Ring, otherwise known as a PA or Prince Albert. This piercing is named after Prince Albert, the husband of Queen Victoria of England. In his day, men’s pants were so tight; a guy’s johnson needed to be held to one side or the other so as not to create an unsightly bulge. To accomplish this some men had their dick pierced so it could be held close to their leg by a hook on the inside of the trousers. The ring enters your urethra and exits immediately behind your dickhead on the underside of your cock. A variation on this piercing is called the Reverse Prince Albert, which enters your urethra and exits on the top of your dickhead.

The PA is the fastest healing genital piercing and is considered the most sexually appealing of cock adornments. This piercing requires less cleaning than most since urine aids in the healing process. However some men, particularly those who sport heavy gauge jewelry, find they have to sit down to pee or they dribble all over themselves. You’ll need to allow at least one week of sexual abstinence post piercing and two to four months for it to heal completely. In the interim, always use a condom.

Other popular male piercings include:
1. The Frenum, which pierces through your frenulum, the waddle of skin on the underside of your shaft just behind your dickhead. This is the second most popular piercing after the Prince Albert. It heals quickly and there’s a minimum of pain and complications. It will also add a great deal of sexual stimulation. There are a couple of variations to this piercing: The Lorum, a piercing at the base of your shaft near your balls; and the Ladder, which is row of several frenum piercings from the base of your shaft to your frenulum.

2. Foreskin piercings, for the uncut guy. It comes down to us from when it was used as a chastity device for slaves. But today it’s all about adornment and sexual enhancement. Your foreskin can be pierced with either single or multiple piercings.

3. The Dydoe piercing is for the cut man. It pierces the ridge of your dickhead. Of course, this is only possible if you have a large enough edge to accommodate the needle and jewelry.

4. The Ampallang is among the least popular piercings, because it is a horizontal piercing right through your dickhead. And its sister piercing, the Apadravya pierces your dickhead, only vertically. You can choose it to be done above, under, or through the urethra. And get this—it’s best done when you have a boner. Ouch, bloody OUCH!

And just to keep you in the know, you can also have your scrotum (Hafada) and/or perineum (Guiche) pierced, too.

And on that note, I sincerely bid you good luck!

When you wish upon a star

Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday and we welcome a new manufacturer to our review effort today. They’ve graciously sent us three of their fine products for review and we will be presenting our evaluation of all three in turn. Join me in welcoming the good people at BodyWand. http://www.thebodywand.com/

Today’s review is brought to you by Dr Dick Review Crew member — Dixie

Bodywand Rechargeable Massager —— $88.03

Dixie
I have a marvelous mid-sized wand type massager to tell you about today. Allow me to present the Bodywand Rechargeable Massager. This thing is extraordinary. It’s only about 8 inches long from tip to toe. And it’s cordless! That in itself floats my boat. Listen, I’ve tried battery operated vibes and vibes that plug directly into an AC outlet in the wall. Nothing, and I mean nothing, beats cordless. That being said, I also know that sometimes one has to sacrifice power for mobility. However that is not the case with the Bodywand Rechargeable Massager.

I thought for certain that a diminutive vibe like this wouldn’t be able to deliver the level of vibration a full-sized plug-in vibe like my trusty Hitachi does, but I was oh so wrong. This handy, ergonomically shaped puppy knocks my socks off. It is the sweetest, strongest vibrator, per inch, I have ever used.

Bodywand Rechargeable Massager features a wheel/dial type controller. It is easily manipulated with one finger. You turn it on and off and you dial it up or dial it down, with one motion. And it goes from mild to “OMG, I can barely stand it in” nothing flat. A15-minute charge provides you 30 minutes of bliss. It can also be operated while it is plugged in, so there’s that.

The Bodywand Rechargeable Massager recharges using an AC adaptor that plugs into a port in the handle of the unit. There is a little rubber plug that covers the recharge port to keep the port clean and dry. Here’s a tip; don’t lose the little rubber plug. In my haste to charge the Bodywand Rechargeable Massageronce I got it home, I carelessly set aside the plug not remembering where I put it. It wasn’t until the unit was completely recharged that I had to go search for the plug. Luckily I didn’t discard it with the packaging.

Speaking of the packaging, it’s pretty minimal. A plastic clamshell insert slips in an attractively designed folded cardboard sheath. The package contains the vibe, AC adapter and a velvet drawstring pouch for storage. The Bodywand Rechargeable Massager comes in two colors, green and lavender. I have the green one.

One thing to note, when the Bodywand Rechargeable Massager is operating at high speed there is a good deal of vibration in the handle of the unit. I suppose this is unavoidable seeing its diminutive size. It’s also not particularly quiet, although the promotional materials on the box claim that it is.

The Bodywand website claims that this vibe “can be fitted with an range of attachments to create a palette of sensual delights.” I’m all about attachments for wand type massagers, but neither Dr Dick or I could find any attachments for sale on their website. This was a big disappointment. But, ya know what? I got over it with a little playtime with my new buddy, the Bodywand Rechargeable Massager.

I’m partial to using some lube, even when I’m stimulating myself externally. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any information on the package about what the domed head of the massager is made of. I was pretty sure it’s not silicone, so I used a silicone-based lube with it and there were no ill effects. I mention this because silicone-based lube will degrade a fine silicone toy. (Note to manufacturer: it’s always a good idea to include information on the materials used in producing a toy. This helps the consumer make an educated decision on if it is right for her/him and what kind of lube can be used with it.)
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

A June Is Bustin’ Out All Over Q&A Show — Podcast #283 — 06/06/11


Hey sex fans, welcome back!

Yes siree, June is busting out all over! It’s pert’near summer and I just realized that we haven’t had a Q&A show since early last month. So ya know what else is bustin out all over? My voicemail and email in boxes, that’s what! I have a big hot load of questions from the sexually worrisome out there. And I’m all ready to dish out some snappy answers to dazzle and delight today’s correspondents, as well as everyone else in my audience.

  • Jackie hates it when her partner busts a nut ON her.
  • Ron is hoping I know where he can find some stray dick to suck.
  • LSSC has a husband who thinks sex is dirty.
  • Shades wants vibrating panties for men.
  • Michael thinks his wife is a mess, but actually it’s HIM.
  • RAHUL wants to know if women like sex as much as men.
  • Luke and his GF fuck like bunnies and now she’s sore.
  • Micah can’t keep it up and he’s too young for ED.
  • Conal has a porn jones and needs help.
  • Harrison wants to know how to clean his hole on a budget.
  • Wasim thinks his nuts are too small and soft.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode

Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top

This tutorial is for anyone who is considering being a top, regardless of whether the meat injection is 100% prime, or a beef substitute (a strap-on dildo), these words of wisdom are for you.

What Ya Need To Know

Let’s get something clear right from the get-go. And this is for all you sticklers for semantics out there. The word “top” has several sexual connotations. There are of course BDSM tops, but generally they go by the moniker “dom”. And one can accurately say there a “top” in any sexual activity that involves an active and passive partner — such as cocksucking and watersports. But today’s lesson is for the active partner in butt sex. But you knew that already. Because all you had to do is read the title of this article to figure that out, huh?

Some folks just aren’t open to the idea of experimenting with their assholes. They think it’s gonna be painful, or worse, messy.

So first off, prospective tops, you don’t want to try buggering these folks. A good top should know it makes no sense at all to try to force or belittle an unwilling bottom to give up his or her rosebud. This is simply a waste of everyone’s time. Because if you do succeed in getting the unwilling bottom to relent, and the subsequent fucking attempt confirms the bottom’s earlier suspicions that this activity is indeed painful or gross or both, you’ll have won the skirmish, but lost the war. Remember, it takes two to tango.

Secondly. Before a top commences a fuck of any kind, they need to consider whose pleasure is primary in this particular fuck. There is a big difference between fucking for the top’s pleasure, for the bottom’s pleasure, or for mutual pleasure. For instance, if a top is trying to finesse a novice bottom into exploring ass fucking, that top needs to concentrate on the bottom’s pleasure first.

Start by getting the bottom comfortable being touched where the sun don’t shine. Lubricate your hand generously and massage the outside of their hole. Make some lazy little circles with your fingers and drive your bottom wild with desire. When their sphincter starts to quiver, as it surely will, slowly penetrate your bottom’s bottom with a lubricated fingertip. After a few minutes of just hanging out with your finger in there, you can begin to slowly slide your finger in and out. Be sure to take your time. Allow their muscles to adjust to being penetrated. You might want to incorporate a thin vibrating dildo and/or some expert rimming to pave the way for bigger things.

When a top fingers a bottom, they would do well, at this point, to reconsider the width of his dick or her strap-on. Once your bottom can take two fingers comfortably and three fingers with a minimum of discomfort, they’re ready to take a modest-sized cock or dildo. If you’re very well-endowed or you plan to strap on a monster dildo, you’d better adjust this finger-formula based on the width of your fingers and your equipment. And, you know, make sure your partner is aware of the girth of what awaits him or her.

A clean asshole is a fuckable asshole. Hygiene is essential for both tops and bottoms. Bottoms may wish to use a small bulb syringe and plain water to clean out a few hours before the event. And tops, once your cock or dildo has been inside your bottom’s ass, don’t go puttin’ that thang anywhere else until you’ve washed it down with soap and water. Carelessness in the hygiene department will only invite a very serious infection.

Making It Happen

Tops, be sure to use a good personal lube and have your favorite condoms within reach. Getting your bottom into the right position, one that is comfortable for both of you is paramount. There are way too many positions for me cover here, but when choosing a position, consider your preference, the bottom’s preference, your cock and/or dildo size, your body type and the bottom’s body type. You may find that a pillow or two positioned under your bottom’s pelvis will help support and prop up your bottom’s bottom in most positions.

Painful fucking is a sign that something is being done incorrectly. It is not a sign from God that ass fucking is wrong. In most cases, pain is due to a few predictable factors:

  • The bottom is too tense and is tightening up.
  • The top is being impatient and is pushing too hard too soon.
  • There may not be enough lubricant.
  • The cock or strap-on is too big for the bottom’s experience level.

Obviously, both people should be comfortable and feel pleasure from it. However, it’s perfectly fine, on occasion, to concentrate on one person’s pleasure over the pleasure of the other. Just make sure you both agree on whose pleasure is gonna be the focus of any given fuck.

Topping is a skill like any other. Practice will improve your technique. And while practicing, invite and listen to the feedback coming from your bottom.

The Top’s Handy-Dandy Tally Sheet

Ok, let’s review.

  1. Always use a lubricant. Both water-based and silicone- based lubricants are latex-compatible and highly recommended.
  2. Stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop. I’m not suggesting that you stop trying altogether; just don’t push yourself onto your bottom when he or she wants you to stop. Find the source of the problem—lubrication, position, whatever, resolve the problem, and resume the fuck.
  3. Take it slow. There is no need to rush, especially if you’re experimenting with anal sex for the first time.
  4. A bottom’s desire to be fucked will not insure pleasurable cornholing. It’s nice that he or she might want to surrender their ass, but that’s not gonna make it happen on its own.
  5. Always communicate with your bottom. Keep your communication playful and dirty. Tops, be open about what you want and how it’s feeling. “Oh baby, that’s right you’ve got such a tight hole. You want my big meat in your ass? Yes you do! Open up for daddy…or momma…as the case may be.” Get the picture?
  6. Spread the pleasure around. Keep your hands busy on the bottom’s clit or cock, at least initially. If the bottom can make the connection between the pleasure he/she is familiar with (cock or clit) with the new butt related sensations; then the battle has been won.

In Conclusion

Some experienced bottoms can orgasm with ass fucking alone. Women do so through pelvic muscle contractions and G-spot stimulation; men because of pressure applied to their prostate.

Oh, and here’s something you need to know. We all have two sphincter muscles. If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your ass and press your fingertip against the side you’ll find them both. There is less than a quarter-inch between them. The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system, which means you can tense and relax this sphincter at will. The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system making it involuntary. This muscle responds to fear and anxiety. It may cause your bottom’s hole to tense up automatically even if he or she is trying to relax.

Tops, remember the rectum is not straight. After the short anal canal that connects the asshole to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body, sometimes as much as 90 degrees. That’s way some people are anatomically less suited to ass fucking.

Finally, the best attribute a top can have is his or her sense of humor about the whole friggin’ deal. Fucking ain’t as easy as it looks, at least not at first. But perseverance will carry the day.

Good luck!

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