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Hey sex fans,

Listen up!

I’m adding a new feature to my Q&A columns.  Whenever possible, I will include in my response a link to a movie in my HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY (see the VOD tab at the top of the page) that will further educate or enrich the person who is asking the question.

Think of it as at HOMEWORK or further study on the topic at hand.  I hope all of you will benefit from this terrific instructional and enriching resource.


Name: Bob
Gender:
Age: 48
Location: Long Island, N.Y.
Almost 20 yrs. ago I had a transexual encounter. It was different but wonderful. Now I find myself wanting to explore this experience again. I’m now married with kids and I know it’s cheating but it won’t leave my thoughts. I don’t know what to think. I love being with a woman but this hunger won’t go away and I ‘m not entirely sure if I want it to. I don’t know if this means I’m gay, bi, or what. Please, please, if you’ve any advice your help and thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Hey Bob, the question of weather this craving makes you are gay, bi or what is the least of your issues, darlin’.  You got this jones about chicks with dicks and it won’t go away because you don’t want it to go away.  It’s a hunger that you feed by starving it. And I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that you will, in pretty short order, go out and get you some of this exotic monkey love, just like before you were married.  And I also predict that you will make it a habit, risks to your comfortable life and cheating on you wife not withstanding.

Here’s the thing about sexual obsessions of any stripe.  The more you starve them the more the hunger consumes you.  So rather than treat the desire head on, perhaps you need to address the underlying issues that give rise to it.  I’d be willing to speculate that your life has become so predictable, mundane and lethargic that you long to be startled a114542_xlfawake from this slumber.  You entertain these juicy revelries as a way of keeping yourself from completely succumbing to the boredom.  Am I right, Bob?  I think I am.

You see, the real issue here is not your cravings for a walk on the wild side; it’s the boredom at your core.  Desperate men do desperate things.  And bored men do foolish things.  So I suppose you need to ask yourself, to what lengths are you willing to go to satisfy this craving?  And once you answer that, the more important question remains to be answered.  How many times will you have to satisfy your craving to balance out the monotony in the rest of your life?

You see, how this has virtually nothing to do with your sexual orientation, gay, bi or whatever; it has to do with your lifestyle.

Perhaps, indulging your sexual fantasy in the relatively harmless form of some video consumption might assuage your obsession.  It sure beats skippin’ out on your wife and family to satisfy your jones.

Name: Fran
Gender:  Female
Age: 33
Location: South Africa
I have a new lover, 10 years my junior.  We meet at a play party about three weeks ago.  He is very adventuresome and totally submissive.  He told me he wants me to shave him from head to toe and he wants me to do this while he is restrained and gagged.  I’m confident about my bondage skills, but I’ve never saved anyone.  Do you have any tips?

Some gals have all the luck!  You gots yourself a submissive pup; good for you!  Just think, this shaving scene could be a real Samson and Delilah kinda set up, and hopefully one of biblical proportions.  HOT!

The overall body shave can be a bit tricky, especially for those sensitive areas of the body not used to being shaved.  You can pretty much count on some nicks and cuts and there will be a fair amount of post-shave skin irritation too.  It’s just par for the course.  Ya’ll can minimize a lot of this by attending to some fundamentals before the event begins.

nakedballs

Most us men have discovered that shaving our face later in the day, or better…at night makes shaving easier.  The same is true for fetish shaving.  Nighttime is the best time!  Work in a clean, well-lit place.  The darkened dungeon is good choice for after-shave play, but you’ll need lots of light for the shave itself. You also need ready access to lots of clean hot water.  So why not strap the boy to the bathroom sink, shower head, or better yet the kitchen table.

If the pup resembles the missing link, you’ll want to start the whole business by trimming his body hair as close to the skin as possible before you employ the razor. I suggest using a high quality barber shears for this.

Choose your razors carefully. Unless you are a real connoisseur and know how to wield a straight razor, stick with safety razors.  Since you’re gonna be doing his whole body, be sure to stock up on a shit-load of the quality plastic disposable kind.  You will find that the blades dull really fast when they are shaving course body hair.  Dull razors, as everyone knows, will nick and scrape more than a sharp razor.  You’ll want to minimize the number of times you pull the razor across any given patch of skin so as to minimize razor burn.

Cover the area you are about to shave with a hot, wet towel. It’ll soften the hair and makes it easier to remove.  Use lots of shaving gel.  Gel is better than shaving cream for sensitive skin.  Always shave with the growth of the hair, not against.  Be sure to have a styptic pencil or gel handy to stop bleeding when you nick the little monkey.  And depending on how fastidious you are; keep a pair tweezers handy for yanking out the stray hairs you and your razor miss.  This will give your sub something to remember!

No matter how careful you are, there will always be microscopic nicks and cuts afterwards. Left untreated, this can leave the skin open to a nasty infection. To prevent this, apply a liberal amount of an astringent, like which hazel.  Hydrogen peroxide is and excellent and inexpensive alternative.

Ya know those nasty little red bumps that are caused by ingrown hairs?  You can cut down on these little buggers by buffing the freshly shaved area with a cosmetic buff pad.  Finally, a liberal application of a moisturizer is recommended to cut down on the itching that will inevitably follow.  If the sub has never done this before, he will soon find out that he will be plagued by itching as his hair starts to grow in.  Too bad for him, huh?

As you can see, this is gonna be a whole lot of work for you.  And there’s gonna be a lot of clean up too.  Lucky for you, you’ll have a freshly shaved sub to do all the work while you relax kick your feet up and eat your bonbons.

This might be helpful too — check out my review of The Ultimate Personal Shaver Kit HERE!

Here are some video suggestions to accompany my thoughts.

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Name: Susie
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: Indianapolis
My husband and I are beginning to experiment with some light bondage and discipline.  We’d like to know more about this and how to play safely.  Unfortunately, because of his job we are stuck here in Indianapolis for another whole year.  We have yet to find even one other person around here who shares our kink.  So we don’t have anyone to ask about this.

Ahhh, the joys of the heartland.  I’d be willing to guess there are other kinky pervs, like you guys, right there in Indian-apollis, but they don’t know how to find you anymore than you guys know how to find them.  Kinda sad, huh?  Well probably ya’ll are gonna need to turn to them internet tubes for the help you’re looking for.  Kink and BDSM sites abound.  Almost all of them have great “how to” and “helpful tips” sections geared to the budding kinkster.  Several of these sites also feature profiles, chat rooms and bulletin boards for like-minded folks to connect and play.

For something really special, check out my newest podcast series — Sex EDGE-U-cation.  I’m chatting with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles from all over the world.

But since you are here, darlin’, I do have some preliminary thoughts to share.  First, every scene should be negotiated before play begins.  Never bypass this important step even if the two of you only play with one another.  Ya see, what you don’t want to have happen is to break the mood mid-scene to ask a question or seek direction.  All that should be taken care of before you start the play.  Get use to working out all the logistics a head of time.  These important negotiation sessions will also force you to communicate with each other and give you a ready vocabulary for talking with other prospective partners should the opportunity ever arise.

Negotiating a BDSM scene is not a “I’ll do this for you if you do that for me” sort of deal, like in vanilla sex.  Rather it’s an honest discussion about you and your partner’s wants, needs, expectations and limits for the scene. Regardless if you are the dominant top or a submissive bottom, you must be equal partners when negotiating each scene.

If you do this sort of play a lot, the negotiations may become perfunctory.  But like I said, a114592_xlf1they ought never be skipped.  The nature of these negotiations is to set parameters, ascertain boundaries and establish limits — for example the intensity and duration of the scene. You may find that you need to set a time limit for your play, or discuss the type of restraints and means of discipline to be used.  Debriefing (also known as Aftercare), once the scene is ended, is also a real good idea.  You’ll, of course, need to establish safewords for your play.  And if you don’t know what those are; you’d best stick to vanilla.

The more experience you have, the more likely you will develop a shorthand for negotiating your play.  However, the less experienced you are, the more important it will be to spell out absolutely everything.  Your negotiations ought to be a frank and open discussion, no holds bared as it were.  Remember, you are not in the scene yet.  So no one, dom or sub, has more input than the other.  Speak and question one another freely.

The first question the dom needs to ask of the sub is “What are your limits?” Be specific, direct and pointed when you ask about one’s limits. The novice sub may not know his or her limits, so the dom will have to proceed with the utmost caution.  This is where the safeword will most likely come into play.

The sub ought to have unqualified trust in the dom; without this the scene isn’t play, it’s abuse. Remember, there is never room for coercion in the negotiations.  Save the guilt tripping, shame-inducement and intimidation for the scene itself.

Here’s some at homework for you and your husband.  Check out The Surrender Of O.  This is just one of the exceptionally fine enrichment videos in my How To Video Library.

Name: juan
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Location:
When me and my wife have sex I like to cum in her ass. Is that bad for her?

If her’s is the only ass you cum in, there’s no problem.

However, if you’re dippin’ you wick in other bung-holes, or have multiple partners of any sort, exchanging bodily fluids is not recommended.

Good luck ya’ll

Time after time

Name: Frasier
Gender:
Age: 63
Location: Southern Calif
I’ve been a widower for 9 years now.  But before she died it was always my fantasy to see her suck another guy’s cock.  Since she’s passed away I’ve had this fantasy of me sucking another guy’s cock.  This never crossed my mind before she died.  Can you help me understand this?

Hmmm, Frasier, let me see if I got this straight.  You’ve been a widower for 9 years.  However, while your wife was still living you had a fantasy of watching her suck another guy’s cock.  Ok, not a particularly odd fetish that.  But I am unclear about one thing.  Did this wife sucking other guy’s cock actually happen, or not?  Not that this is particularly important, just wondering.  So, now 9 years later you say you suddenly have the urge to smoke some pole yourself, even though you’ve never thought of doing this before.  Is this correct?

Ahhh even if I understand you correctly, I don’t get the question.  Wait, maybe there is no bjbw.jpgquestion?  Maybe you’re just curious about why a 63 year old confirmed, dyed in the wool straight heterosexual guy like you suddenly realizes he want to suck himself some cock.  I can see how you might find this little discovery a bit disconcerting, but it’s certainly not unprecedented. I guess you’re being startled out of our sexual complacency, huh?  Not to worry, it may simply be situational.  You are probably worried that this makes you queer, right?  I think we can safely say that your curious new interest means no such thing.

Let’s just say for the sake of argument that you decide to pursue this little jones of yours and you take the opportunity to wrap your lips around some other dude’s johnson.  Ok, then what?  Well, basically nothing.  If you find, after this little adventure, that you don’t much like sucking cock and that you’re really still into pussy.  No harm done.  You experimented a little and you now have more information about yourself then you did before the experimental blowjob.  You may simply discover that you only like having your female partners do the cock sucking while you do the watching.  Like I said, a relatively harmless and unremarkable fetish.

But, what if you decide to pursue this little jones of yours and you actually take the opportunity to wrap your lips around some other guy’s johnson and you really like it.  Well that’s a horse of different color, isn’t it?  Then you’ll have to come to grips with the realization that despite you long history of straight heterosexualism, you might be, at this point in your life, kinda bisexual.  How fun for you!

There is of course another explanation.  Some exclusively straight heterosexual guys suck dick not because it’s a turn on…the dick sucking that is.  They do it to be submissive.  Alrighty, whatever turns one’s crank!

I think we can safely say that for the most part, humans are not sexual automatons.  Given a more permissive and sex-positive culture then our own, we’d all be more fluid in our eroticism and sexual expression. It’s true; you are in unfamiliar waters, sexually speaking.  But it’s just a little adventure, not the end of the world. I hope you give yourself permission to experiment a bit.

Ya know, you could hook up with a male escort or see an erotic masseur for a little taste.  In fact, I’d tell the provider what you just told me.  Let him know you’re looking to experiment a little, but you’re unsure how to begin.  I’ll bet the provider will be very helpful.  Write back sometime, I’d love to know how it goes for you.

Name: Joey
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: Southern Calif
Love doing tina with masturbation and watching really hot porn. Think this is just social fun?

Nope, I don’t Joey.  Despite the prevalence of this dastardly drug, there is nothing fun about tina…crystal meth for those unfamiliar with the term “tina”.  If you love doing tina for whatever reason, I’d wager you’re hooked on that shit.

Listen, I’m not prude when it comes to using some crystalmakesmesexy.jpgdrugs recreationally.  But I think that we’d do well to stick to those drugs that are more natural.  The less processing involved (and meth is the worst in that regard) and fewer added chemicals (OMG, the crap they put in crystal) the better, in my humble opinion.

Despite the admitted high ya get, recent research shows that long-term meth use destroys nerve cells in the brain that regulate dopamine, muscle movement, memory, and decision-making. This damage can be wide-spread and permanent.

Your body reacts to crystal meth the same way it reacts to danger. Crystal floods the body with adrenaline — the same hormone that prepares us for emergencies. Adrenaline gives a super-charge of strength and endurance so the body can deal with danger and injury. But artificially triggering this response over and over again will have serious consequences.

When you use crystal, your nervous system shifts into high gear. The brain floods your body with “danger” messages. Your body responds immediately to what it thinks is a threat. It prepares to fight or to run away. Common body responses to perceived danger include:

  • Pupils dilate to let in more light.
  • Hair stands on end (“getting goose bumps”).
  • Blood vessels just under the skin constrict.
  • Body temperature goes up

Regular, long-term crystal use will diminish sores of neurotransmitters.  Episodes of paranoia and anxiety become more frequent and longer lasting. Blocked blood vessels within the brain can lead to increased chances of stroke.

Crystal fucks with your dopamine levels. Dopamine delivers a sense of reward and pleasure. It is also associated with body movement. Too little dopamine causes paralysis or a Parkinson’s-like tremors and rigidity. Too much dopamine and a person can become paranoid, hear voices and get twisted thoughts. Sound familiar?

Crystal fucks with your serotonin levels.  Serotonin is involved in regulating sleep and sensory perception. It plays a role in moods and regulating body temperature. Serotonin is involved with many emotional disorders like schizophrenia, phobias, super-aggressive states and obsessive-compulsive behavior. Too much serotonin can make it difficult (or impossible) to have an orgasm.  And of course there’s the dreaded “crystal dick”…the inability to get it up.

Joey, listen up!  You’re way too young with too much of your life ahead of you to self-inflict so much serious irreparable damage on yourself.  If this weren’t such a troublesome drug, there wouldn’t be such a virulent anti and reformed tweeker community out there.  Want to know the real truth about “tina” check in at:  crystalmeth.org.  You’ll be glad you did.

Name: Shelly
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Location: Raleigh, NC
My boyfriend and I are 20.  We’ve been together for almost two years and we’re in love.  But we have a problem.  I’m pro-choice and he isn’t.  He says he won’t have sex with me unless I agree to have the kid if I get pregnant. I told him there’s no way I can agree to that.  It’s my choice because it’s my body.  But then he says it’s his choice to stop having sex with me because he disagrees with my views. Where do I go from here? I’m not ready to start a family; we’re not even married.

Ya know, Shelly, if men got pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.

Where do you go from here?  Simply put?  Hit the road; or better yet, tell him to.  This dude who you say you love and loves you back is actually trying to control you with his dick.  That’s never a good thing.  It would also set a dangerous precedent for the rest of your relationship.  Because if he gets his way on this one; mark my words, he’ll try the same dickhead ploy over and over again.  I realize you don’t have much of a frame of reference about these things, being as young as you are.  But healthy adult relationships don’t come with sexual unplanned_pregnancy.jpgultimatums.  EVER.

There is of course a way to have your cake and eat it too.  You can enjoy a full and rich sex life and avoid unplanned pregnancies all at the same time.  Let me introduce you kids to a little concept we call contraception.

WTF, you’re both 20 years old, you should have a handle on elementary notion already. Where have you been all your life?  Both of you should be well versed in several methods of contraception.  And you both should practice at least one foolproof method.  If you are too immature to put this together, I can assure you you’re way to immature to commence fucking.  Get it?

Here’s the deal.  I’m not a big fan of abortion either, especially when it’s used as the primary means of avoiding a pregnancy.  And since there’s a very safe and easy way to avoid this unfortunate moral dilemma, you guys would be fools not to take advantage of it.  But wait!  What if the BF is opposed to contraception?  It sure sounds to me like he might.  Well then you really are shit out of luck.  No fucking for you till you’re married.  No, till you are absolutely ready to conceive, even if that’s well after you’re married.  Because you know you’re gonna get knocked up the very first time you let him near your pussy.

Mutual masturbation works an alternative to full on fucking.  But probably there’s some prohibition against that in his world too, huh?  So you see why I said at the beginning that your best option is to hit the road, or tell him to.

Good luck ya’ll

Lookin’ for a good time?

Check out Dr Dick’s How To Video Library.

ddsavod.jpg

Running on Empty

I know things are a bit mixed up this week.  Frequent visitors to Dr Dick’s Sex Advice will know that Wednesdays are traditionally Video Days on the site. But I have to veer off course this week.  I have some questions to respond to and I can’t do my Q&A on Friday this week, as I usually do, because I have a swell Product Review scheduled for Friday.

Do you see how nutty things can get when you have more things to do than days to do them on?  Anyhow, breaking with tradition every now and again is a good thing.

Name: lost angel
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Location: cali
Is the base of the penis behind the balls??? When I get hard my cock points kinda upward is this ok????

The base of your cock is not behind your balls.  That’s what’s called your dick root.  The base of your cock is where your cock meets your pubic bone on the dorsal (top) side of your johnson.

Having your boner point upward is as good as a place for it to point as any; and maybe better than some.

Name: Stephen
Gender: Male
Age: 41
Location: Va
As I have gotten older my sex drive has decreased tremendously. What can I do to turn it around?

Everyone’s libido decreases as he/she ages.  There’s no gettin around that.  However, a healthy lifestyle — good nutrition, maintaining your proper weight, getting an adequate amount of sleep, eliminating stress, modest alcohol and caffeine consumption and regular exercise will keep your sexual response cycle at its peek throughout your life.  Simply put, the healthier you are; the more libido you will enjoy.

That being said, I am increasingly more optimistic about the use of herbal supplements to help us gh.jpgropex.jpgolder folk stay in tip-top sexual condition.  To that end, I’d like to turn you on to three products I am currently testing on myself — Ropex, GH and Onkor Energy.   A full product review of Ropex and GH will appear on this site in time.  But the Onkor Energy review is already available on the Product Reviews page. Look for REVIEW #14.

What I’ve discovered through my product testing and review is that not all herbal supplements are created equal.  But you’ve probably figured this out on your own, huh?  I’ve tried several similar products that were completely ineffectual.  Others had unpleasant side effects.onkormen.jpg

Here’s something everyone should know.  A lot of these “Male Enhancement” and herbal products are produced in China under dubious conditions.  And everyone in the supplement industry will tell you, confidentially of course, that most of these products are adulterated with knock-off pharmaceuticals.  And that’s down right dangerous for us all.

I confidently offer these three products to you, because they work for me.  Just be assured that neither one of these products will not override a pathologically unhealthy lifestyle.  Look to your personal health and wellbeing first.  Supplement that if you must.

Hej from Sweden,
I am Mark and wanting advice regarding douching correctly.  I am 100% bottom but for personal reasons I decided to give up sex for at least 1 year.  NOW I have the horn again and I’m definitely in the mood!  I am wanting to be sure that all is ‘clean’ down there before having my ass played with  …..any advice on proper cleaning.
Great website BTW!
Hugs and blowjobs….
Mark x

Warm water is all you need.  Never use soap.b712.jpg

Some men add lemon juice or vinegar (1-2 Tbs. per quart) of the warm water.  Others dissolve (2 Tbs.) of baking soda in a quart of warm water.

Stay away from commercially produced douches; most contain harmful and irritating chemicals.  And trust me, you don’t want that.  Besides, all those over the counter douches are expensive.  And all that packaging is definitely not eco-friendly.  And we all want to be green perverts, don’t we?

Finally there is always the ever-versatile shower or bath bidet option. You can find one model, the Travel Shur Shot, in My Stockroom.

There are also stainless steel options that hook up to your shower head.

Name: Tommy
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Location: Ontario,CA
HI Dick : I had a problem keeping an erection when under the influence of crystal meth. It’s not that i wasn’t aroused. Is this common when taking speed?

Ahhh HELLO!  Are you so new to the Tina scene that you’ve never heard the term — “Crystal Dick”?   Holy cow!  Time to wake up and smell the coffee, honey.

 

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All tweakers will inevitably experience erection problems; some will be so serious that the guy will never recover.  Tweakers will often try to compensate for this lack of wood by taking Viagra, or another erection enhancing drug.  This is extremely dangerous because this combination will raise one’s blood pressure to dangerously high levels.  Or one could experience a really long lasting hardon, that could actually permanently damage your rod.

You’ve probably heard the old adage:  Meth Kills, right?  Well, it true.  While it may not be the death of you, per se.  You can be assured that it will kill your sexual response cycle.

Name: jack
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Location: denmark
hey I’m a 26 year old male who has struggled with alcohol abuse for many years as a result my balls have shrunk I don’t know what to do but I’m nervous about having sex and have even thought of taking my life.  I feel humiliated.  Is there something I can do or can I learn to live with this?  Will guys mind?

First off, congratulations on kickin’ the booze habit.  My hat is off to you!  If you can conquer balls6.jpgalcoholism, you’re pretty much set up to handle anything life sends your way; including a case of shrunken nuts.

Don’t despair, my friend, no one’s gonna kick you out of the sack for havin’ marbles in the sack instead of eggs.  Lots of men have smaller than usual testicles and it has nothing to do with alcohol consumption.  It’s just a natural variation on size and shape.

No need to be self-conscious about something as trivial as ball size and lose sight of the fact that you’ve overcome one of the worst scourges known to human kind.  You are a hero!  Never forget that.  And if the only scars you have to show for your valiant battle against demon alcohol is smaller cajones, then you’re luckier than most.

Get out there and learn to enjoy yourself again.  You will soon find that most men will be attracted to you for your personal courage and tenacity.  They won’t give a damn about the size of your balls.

Name: sami
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Location: Pakistan
I have visit many website and read about the erectile dysfunction problems but I want to know some thing about my problem which I have with my penis and I have used too much medicine for this and this problem is with me more than 6 years. I m from Pakistan and here doctors not treat me well or they are not expert in erectile dysfunction.
I’m 25 year old now and single.  The problem is that when ever I think about the sex or see any porn movie or chat with girl on sex topic then the drops like water come outside but its not like water its some juicy type and after this no erection come in my penis. And it cum soon without erection. I have used many medicines but to no avail.  Please tell me about my disease what is this?
And when ever I try to do sex with girl then again this drops come very fast in early and after that no erection and I can cum after one minute using my hands. I have also problem of early ejaculation too. While when i sleep and get up in morning some time my penis is in full erection and full motion but whenever I think about sex these drops come and the erection finish of my penis. So please tell me in details about this disease. Diagnose it and tell me the medicine for this because I want treatment from online doctor not from the Pakistani doctors and also want to take medicine online imported one because in Pakistan also not available good quality and variety medicine. Thanks

Things sound like they are in a pretty sorry state there in Pakistan.  That’s regrettable.

First up, if I understand you correctly, and that is a big “IF”; I’m gonna guess that you don’t need a doctor or medication.  It appears to me that you are dealing with two distinct issues:  1) excessive precum and 2) premature ejaculation.  Ok, let’s handle each one of these in turn.

You’ll find all the postings and podcasts I’ve done on the topic of pre-ejaculate by going to the precum03.jpegCATEGORIES section in the sidebar and searching for the word “precum”. Basically, excessive precum is nothing more than a bothersome issue for most men who experience it.  But it’s not a medical condition.  And there aren’t any medications you can take to relieve the problem.  Think of it as the equivalent of excessive sweating. There’s not a whole lot you can do about that either.  Issues like these tend to clear up on their own as we age.

You’ll find all the postings and podcasts I’ve done on the topic of premature ejaculation by going to the CATEGORIES section in the sidebar and searching for the words “lasting longer”.  Basically, a guy can easily learn to control his ejaculation response with a little effort on his part.  These postings and podcasts contain detailed “how to” instructions on how to achieve this control.  Again, this is not a medical condition.  And there aren’t any medications you can take to relieve the problem.

Name: liza
Gender: Female
Age: 30
Location: tyne and wear
My boyfriend is a transvestite and just recently he has started taking fenugreek seed tablets and red clover blossom tablets do you have any ideas why? I am concerned that michael5.jpgmaybe he is wanting to become a woman full time could this be a possibility? Please help???

I think I’m a pretty wise and insightful guy, but I would never hazard a guess as to what might be going on in the mind of a drag queen…ever!  😉

I suppose the only way you will know for sure what he’s up to is to ask.

What I can say with some certainty is that most TV’s (transvestites) are not TS’s (transexuals), nor are they gender dysphoric.  They just like frilly knickers!

I looked up the herbal supplements you mentioned and I didn’t find anything that would suggest a sex change in the offing.  It’s more likely a case of dyspepsia.

Dear Dr. Dick,
I asked this question on the anonymous form but would prefer and
answer in my email.
I am concerned about my ED that I seem to have developed over the last
year or so. It could be the anti-depressants I am on but I have a
feeling it is Viagra. I have used Viagra for many years even when I
didn’t need it. It was just a guarantee that I could go all night. My
concern is that I have become dependent on it. When I don’t use it I
can get hard but it never last which is frustrating when with a very
hot bttm guy.
Hope to hear from you soon.

Yes, the use of antidepressants will surely impact, in a negative sort of way, one’s (both women and men) sexual response cycle, particularly the arousal stage.  In your case, your ability to get and/or cockbeans.jpgmaintain an boner.

I’ve written and spoken a lot about the use of Viagra and its fellow drugs.  You can find the postings and podcasts by going to the CATEGORY section in the sidebar of my site and search for Erection Enhancing Drugs.

Many men are becoming “hooked” on these drugs.  I would seriously recommend that you not use these meds recreationally.  I, for example, tend to rely on a cockring as opposed to a pharmaceutical.

You might also consider a high quality herbal supplement, like the ones I recommended to Steven up above.

Good luck ya’ll

Like I was sayin’…

Name: Perth Guy
Gender:
Age: 50
Location: Perth Australia
I am going to have surgery to fix Diverticular Disease by removal of the sigmoid colon, which may result in a temp or Perm stoma (Colostomy). If its a permanent colostomy bag I know they basically remove your rectum, so no more anal sex. If its a temp stoma/colostomy bag can you still have anal sex? (whilst you rectum is “disconnected from the colon) If they are able to reverse it later and connect the transverse colon to the rectum is it still possible to have anal sex? I dont know who to ask this very strange question – its not the question you can ask around ” do you have a colostomy – do you have anal sex?”

Hey thanks for your message, Perth Guy. Sorry to hear you’re feeling poorly.

For those of us unfamiliar with diverticular (say: die-ver-tick-yoo-ler) disease, it affects the large intestine, or colon. It’s caused by small pouches that form, usually on the wall of the last part of the large intestine — the sigmoid colon. These pouches are called diverticula, don’t ‘cha know.

The terms ostomy and stoma are general descriptive terms that are often used interchangeably though they have different meanings. An ostomy refers to the surgically created opening in the body for the discharge of body wastes. A stoma is the actual end of the small or large bowel that is arranged to protrude through the abdominal wall.digestive_big.jpg

I know it’s difficult to find helpful information about sexual concerns, like butt fucking, when facing a radical and disfiguring medical procedure like a colostomy. Our culture has such difficulty talking about sex even as it applies to healthy folks, it’s no wonder we fail those of us who are sick, maimed or disabled. I did, however, find a resource for you, Colostomy Pen Pals.

I suspect that you’ll not readily find the specific information about anal sex that you are looking for on that site. But here’s where you can do yourself and all your fellow ostomy patients a good turn. I want you to march right over to Colostomy Pen Pals and any other ostomy resource you might find online and just come out with it. Just like you did when you wrote to me. You know that if you have a concern about anal sex post surgery, there are a load of others out there who share your concern and interest.  And some may actually have first-hand information to share.

Probably, there a lot of other folks who are too timid to ask or share about sex in general and anal sex in particular. But instead of stewing in isolation and lack of information, why not take the initiative and break open the topic yourself. If you’re gonna wait around for someone else to broach the issue, when you won’t, you’re gonna die waiting, my friend.

And if you think the information you are looking for will miraculously come from the medical industry; you really have to wake up and smell the coffee, my friend. The best resource you’re gonna find are the others in the ostomy community. Those folks, who are similarly challenged as you, will be the front line of the information you seek. But like I said, if you fail to put out there what it is you want, you can be sure no one is gonna spoon feed it to you.

So while it is true what you say: “its not the question you can ask around to the general public do you have a colostomy – do you have anal sex?” It is a very appropriate question to be asking the ostomy community. And if you find resistance in that community for raising this pressing sexual concern, stand your ground, darlin’!  Dont sink to the lowest common denominator.

And just so you don’t think I’m ducking the question, my experience with ostomy patients suggest that it may very well be more of a question of wanting to have anal sex post surgery, than the ability to do so. I guess you’re just gonna have to wait and see for yourself. Keep me posted and I’ll keep our audience posted on this too.

Name: Liora
Gender:
Age: 23
Location: israel
i have a cyber relationship with a man who’s a great deal older than i am, lives several time zones away and has a little girl living with him (so we can only do it when she’s out of the house (which, untill september, will only be on sundays and that usually means that in practice we only do it once a month. i’m a very hormonal girl and this is driving me kind of crazy (masterbating by myself doesn’t make the problem go away somehow even if i get 10 orgasms in a row from it) and cheating or “moving on” are out of the question! i try to repress but the tension seems to make me want to bite his head off a lot lately which never used to happen. i love him very much so porn and cheating are out of the question… any advice on other ways of dealing with this frustration?

Jeez, you sound like a real charmer. What a petulant child you are. It’s a wonder that this grown-up guy puts up with you.

cybersex07.jpgHere’s what I’m reading in your message. You’re hooked on cybersex with an older man who lives thousands of miles away from you. And because he has a daughter living with him for the summer, you can only connect with him once a month. And you’re pissed off and frustrated.

Well, I can understand being frustrated.  Apparently you have a sex drive that would make a sexual athlete blush. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not a bad thing. It’s just that you refuse to satisfy your libido on your own, or with another person nearer to hand. And when you don’t get what you want, when and how you want it, you bite the old dude’s head off. Yeah, that sounds like true love to me.

And yes darlin’, I do have some advice. What you got goin’ here is an obsession, which has absolutely nothing to do with love. You’re selfish and self-absorbed.  Ad if I had to guess, you can’t read the signs that are obvious to others with similar cyber connections. When the frequency of the contact diminishes, it’s apparent that one or the other of the participants is bored or wants to wind-down the liaison. You seem to gloss over this painful truth.

You deny yourself the natural sexual outlets a young woman your age can enjoy because you arecybersex00.jpg unhealthily preoccupied with this cyber connection. Where the fuck do you think this virtual relationship is gonna to wind up? Maybe, just maybe, this older gentleman has got the goods on you, he sees you for the crazed cyber junky you are, and he’s using the excuse of having his daughter around to avoid you.

Girlfriend, give it a rest. This is yesterday’s mashed potatoes. Time to move on. Why not connect with a real human this time, someone you can actually touch and be touched by. I know it sounds real old fashioned, but if you give it a try, you will find that honest-to-goodness human flesh beats a keyboard and monitor every time.

Name: MissK
Gender:
Age: 43
Location: Everett
My longtime male sub wants Me to try something on him that he saw on a web site. I’m not sure at all that it would be safe for him. It’s infusing saline into his scrotum, until they are very heavy. Any advice?

OMG, there are perverts in Everett WA? Who knew?

I am of the mind, as probably are you too, that needle play and blood sports are best left to trained professional doms. I have no way of knowing your level of proficiency in this area, but that’s not to say that one can’t learn to infuse if one really wants to.

I once watched a scrotal infusion demonstration in utter amazement. I don’t know how to do thisinfusion_set.jpg myself, so I won’t offer you a tutorial. However, I did notice that there are a couple “How To” videos for this fetish online. But I can’t recommend them either, since I haven’t had an opportunity to review any of them.

But since you raised the question…and, like I always say, if there’s one pervert out there who gets off on somethin’, there’s bound to be a shit load of other pervs out there who share that interest.

So I asked around among my more sexually adventurous friends for their advice. The predominant message was that infusing sterile saline solution into a guy’s scrotum requires a lot of time, because it’s a drip process. And that it must be done in a sterile environment to avoid complications. A mishap can cause a serious infection, which will be awfully painful and it can even lead to the loss of the guy’s cajones.

First, ya gotta shave the dude’s family jewels. If you nick his sack; stop right there. Ya gotta wait, until the nick heals before you try again. The infusion bag or bottle must be warmed before the infusion begins. You’ll also want the environment to be warm too, otherwise his scrotum will get all pruney, don’t cha know.

The infusion bag needs to be hung approximately three and a half feet, or one meter, higher than his nuts. You’ll need to know how to set up the infusion apparatus and bleed the infusion tube of air. If you don’t know how to do this, then you are in over your head. Don’t attempt this on your own.scrotal_infusion-2.JPG

Of course, you have to disinfect his scrotum with an alcohol-free Betaisodona solution. There is some disagreement on how best, or where best to sting the needle into the guy’s junk. But one thing for certain, be sure the guy’s dick is out of the way. Two of my experts suggest stinging between the testicles.

YIKES!! I know; I’m such a big baby. But I really hate needles. I got to tell you, all of this is giving me the willies. But hey, let’s not worry about my feelings, this is all about you and your stinkin’ fetish. So, by all means, let’s press on…no pun intended.

I am told that you can sting just about anywhere on the scrotum, but if you sting into a blood vessel, the dude will have a bruise. Probably if he’s into this particular fetish, a little bruising ain’t gonna bother him. But, ya absolutely got to make sure you don’t puncture one of his balls accidentally. This, I understand is very painful.

It’s recommended that the first time you infuse, you not use a whole liter of saline. Once he’s full, so to speak, remove the needle; firmly press your gloved finger on the puncture for a few minutes, then apply a little band aide —maybe one with a happy face or a little kitty on it. If you really loaded him up; don’t be surprised if he leaks a little. …Now there’s a pleasant thought!

Never reuse the needle and don’t just leave the infusion bag or bottle hanging around, this will only invite germs.

Finally, you’ll be happy to know that your man’s nut sack will return to normal in 48-72 hours, as the saline is absorbed into the body.

Good luck ya’ll

Vantage Point

Name: Shauna
Gender: Female
Age: 38
Location: Des Moines, IA
I work with this really terrific girl, who’s around 10 years younger than I am. Lately, even though I am happily married, I find myself awkwardly attracted to her. I am actually masturbating while fantasying about her. Like I said, I am married to a great guy and I don’t want to hurt him, but I have to get advice on this. I’m so confused.

Anytime there is a noticeable change in one’s eroticism, regardless at what stage of life it happens, the shift can be a bit disconcerting. Here you are, a mature, confirmed, died in the wool, card-carrying straight married lady who has an unanticipated crush on a much younger female coworker. That can’t be sitting very well in your buttoned down world there in the heartland, huh?backside1.jpg

I suppose you could view this as a major problem or you could accept this as a gift. That’s right, a gift. This surprising event, even at your seriously advanced age of 38, indicates to me that you’re still growing. Personally, I think that’s wonderful. The fates have gifted you with this sweet, young sexy female muse. You can either reject the fates and deny yourself, or embrace this opportunity to explore the yet uncharted areas of your sexuality.

Even if you never act on your same-sex sexual impulses, I think it’s safe to say you are finally encountering your latent bisexuality. Don’t be too surprised by that; most all of us are naturally bisexual in one fashion or another. Unfortunately, our sex-negative society discourages and disallows these very natural tendencies. So when they pop up, as often they do, we are usually unprepared to acknowledge them, let alone accept and welcome them. Will you cave to the pressures of the popular culture, or buck the social trend? I’m in no position to guess. All I know is that this relatively benign sexual adventure could be an opportunity to expand your fronside.jpgsexual options.

Like I said, there are several ways to proceed. You could deny yourself the adventure and sublimate your desires. I don’t recommend this, because it rarely works. Healthy, natural feelings like the ones you’re having, if denied, can fester and embitter the one practicing the self-denial. Another option is to go with the fantasy, enjoy it for what it is worth. Keeping your bisexual proclivities fantasy material allows you to remain safe and pretty much maintains the status quo. Then there’s the option of pursuing your fantasy and making it a reality. Obviously, this option carries the greatest potential for disrupting your life.

If you choose the path of keeping your same-sex urges a fantasy, you might want to pursue them far enough to see if you are attracted to other women. You could do this through reading some hot same or bi-themed erotica, or by checkin’ out some swell (authentic) Sapphic porn. If you discover you are not interested in other women, but that you only have a jones for your charming coworker of yours; it might mean you are a situational bisexual. Regardless if you are a “real” bisexual or a “situational” bisexual, imagine the fun you’ll have with your little secret. My only caution would be to treat your coworker the way you would treat any other coworker you might have a crush on — perhaps the best thing to do is; do nothing. Workplace flings, of any stripe, rarely turn out happily. And of course, you also have your marriage to consider. Fantasies are fine as long as they don’t fuck up your happy real-life relationships.

One other thing, don’t automatically assume your husband would be put off by your newly awakened sexual tastes. That is if you ever get around to telling him. It might actually be a big turn-on for him too. Most straight guys get off on the idea of two women together. Some husbands encourage their wives’ occasional bisexual encounters for this very reason. Your husband may even be interested in a threesome with you and another woman somewhere down the line.

In the end, this is an exciting time for you, Shauna. Is it challenging? You betcha! But it’s also very rewarding.

Name: Hector
Gender: male
Age: 17
Location: Tujunga, CA
I’m afraid my penis isn’t right. I worry because it doesn’t look like other guys. For one thing mine is a lot smaller. I’m afraid to have sex or show my penis. Is there any way for me to know for sure? I hope to hear from you because this is making me so nervous. Thank you.

I’d chill out, I were you, Hector. Lots of guys your age mistakenly think there is something wrong with their unit, when actually they’re quite normal. This heightened concern, as you suggest, can lead to anxiety or even a complex about one’s cock size and shape. Don’t let this happen to you!

You don’t really give me much to go on as to why you think your pinga isn’t like the other guys. That leads me to think you don’t really know all that much about your package in general. Do you? I mean, who are you comparing yourself to anyway?

Since I don’t have a lot of information to go on, I suppose we oughta start with some essentials. Here’s my penis primer — Your Cock; A Complete Owners Manual (abridged). That’s supposed to be funny, BTW.

We all know that there are big ones and little ones, fat ones and skinny ones. Some are bobbed; some are whole. Some curve and bend; some are straight as an arrow. Some have a mushroom cap; some sport more of a helmet look. Some grow; some show. And they come in a veritable rainbow of colors.

small_flaccid.jpgmedium_flaccid.jpgbig_flaccid.jpg

Despite the amazing diversity, there are lots of things that each of our members has in common with everyone else’s. The average length of a flaccid cock is 3.7 inches with a diameter of 1.25 inches. The average length of a hardon is 5.1 inches, with a diameter of 1.6 inches.

If you are over the age of 17, you pretty much have all the cock you’re gonna have. That’s not to say that as we age, and as our muscles slack, our pal won’t hang a bit differently than when we were a young buck. But there’s not gonna be significant change in length or girth after puberty is done with us. Keep in mind that all this cock-related stuff is determined by genetics and heredity, like your overall body type, the color of your eyes, your hair pattern, and your overall stature. So the likelihood that any guy will add even one permanent inch to his dick either in length or girth, without surgery, is about as likely as him adding even a single inch to his height.

The head of your dick is called the glans. (It’s the thing that can be shaped like a mushroom or a helmet.) It is made up of soft tissue called the corpus spongiosum. Just below the glans,penis_anatomy1.jpg on the underside of your cock is a waddle of skin called the frenulum. This puppy is chock-full of nerve endings that make it ground zero for dick-centered pleasure.

All uncut (uncircumcised) men have a prepuce, or foreskin that covers and protects his dickhead. Cut (circumcised) men don’t, because it has been surgically removed. If you are lucky enough to be intact, your foreskin is a highly specialized, sensitive, and functional organ of touch. No other part of the body serves the same purpose. Circumcision actually removes 50% of the skin of a guy’s dick.

You know the old adage, “Use it or lose it”? They may have had a schlong in mind when that maxim was coined. Researchers agree — erections are good for you. When you get a woody, your cock is engorged with oxygen-rich blood, which is essential for the upkeep of the smooth muscle tissue. This kind of tissue makes up about 90% of your cock. You can see how a peyronies.jpghealthy circulatory system is vital to a vibrant sex life. An oxygen-deprived cock will build up a kind of plaque, which resembles scar tissue. This will cripple your rod (Peyronie’s disease) or rob you of your wood altogether.

I also want to alert you of some startling new data coming out of recent research about masturbation. Australian researchers questioned over 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer and 1,250 men who had not, about their sexual habits. They found those who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to develop prostate cancer.

The protective effect of cumin’ was greatest while the men were in their 20s. And get this; men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life. But let’s not get off topic too much.

The other big part of your package is the family jewels. We mind as well take a look at themballs02.jpg too while we’re at it. Your nuts (testis) and the sack (scrotum) they’re housed in are an evolutionary marvel. Your testicles are about 4 degrees (F) cooler than your core body temperature. Lucky for us, this is the ideal climate for healthy sperm production. 90% of the male hormone, testosterone, is manufactured in our balls. Evolution has even provided that one nut, generally the left, hangs slightly lower than the other. The lower nut will also be slightly larger. I suppose this keep them from knocking into each other so much.

Ok, so you think the outside of your junk is pretty impressive, well you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! Here’s where things get really interesting. First, there is no “bone” in your boner. Don’t laugh! Humans are one of the few mammals (horses, donkeys, rhinoceros, marsupials, baculum.jpgrabbits, whales and dolphins, elephants and hyenas are the others) that don’t have a penis bone. Most males of our species have a unique bone called baculum in their penis. The baculum is designed for speed fucking. Sliding a bone in and out of a sheath is much faster than waiting for hydraulics to kick in. This enables our mammalian relatives to spend very little time actually mating. Which is, after all, a vulnerable position for them to be in.

If there’s no bone in there what make our dick hard? Good question. If you dissected yourpenis_anatomy3.JPG woody and looked at a cross-section you’d see three distinct spongy tubular structures, each are made up of smooth muscle tissue. Two of these tubular structures — one on either side of your cock, both of which run the length of your cock — are called the corpora cavernosa. These marvelous structures become engorged with blood lifting and thickening your cock to erection. The corpus spongiosum, the third tubular structure is located just below the corpora cavernosa. This baby houses your urethra, through which pee and jizz pass during urination and ejaculation, respectively. This may also become slightly engorged with blood, but less so than the corpora cavernosa.

male_reproductive1.jpgThere are several points of interest in and around your balls too. I already mentioned your urethra, which stretches from your bladder to the tip of your dick. Your prostate is an almond shaped gland that sits between your bladder and the root of your dick. Slightly in back of that is a pair of glands called the seminal vesicles. These tubular glands open into the vas deferens as it enters the prostate gland. They secrete the lion’s share of your spooge (ejaculate) about 70% to be precise. Most of us have two vas deferens tubes to correspond to the pair of balls (testicles) most of us have. These convey your mature sperm, the ones that have been comfortably relaxing in the epididymis, which is a tube filled mass at the back of each of your balls.

To conclude, the average male, between the ages of 15 and 60 will ejaculate 30 to 50 quarts of spunk (semen), containing 350 to 500 billion sperm cells. How amazing is that?

Good luck ya’ll