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Brody James and his Sex EDGE-U-cation – Podcast #247 – 11/24/10

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Hey sex fans,

Brody James is back with us today. He’s here again this week for Part 2 of our conversation about his Sex EDGE-U-cation; that is his personal journey into the world of kink and alternative lifestyles.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this delightful conversation that appeared here last week at this time, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in my Podcast Archive. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #246 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Brody and I discuss:

  • The different kinds of highs associated with being dominate/submissive;
  • The recreational and cathartic aspects of BDSM;
  • Seeking guidance and advice from his role models;
  • The scenes he gets into;
  • Power play and sex;
  • Polyamory — the solo and relationship types;
  • Dating outside the kink community;
  • Being an out and proud kinkster.

Brody invites all you members of fetlife.com to look for him there. You can find by searching for his profile: BJK32

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

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The Sex EDGE-U-cation of Brody James — Podcast #246 – 11/17/10

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Hey sex fans,

I have a delightful twist on the Sex EDGE-U-cation podcast series for you today. As you know, in this series I’ve been chatting with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles; we’ve been taking a look at the world of fetish sex and kink. Not surprisingly, this series has generated loads of comments from my audience, mostly from folks new to the scene. You’ve told me how much you are enjoying these conversations and how much you’ve been learning from listening to the masters speak. I feel the same way; I can’t tell you how enriching this series has been for me personally.

So all of this feedback got me to thinking. Wouldn’t it be interesting to interview some relative newcomers to the scene to see how they are making their way? Well that turned out to be easier said then done. Most of the budding kinksters I invited to join me were flattered that I asked them to participate, but all were too shy to actually follow through. That is until I had the good fortune to meet today’s very special guest, Brody James.

Brody graciously agreed to talk with me about his personal journey. And so he is here today to let us know how it’s all going. I know you will be as charmed as I by this marvelous young man and our frank discussion.

Brody and I discuss:
His impressions of Folsom Fringe and The Folsom Street Fair;
Who is Brody James, international man of mystery;
His first foray into the scene;
The learning curve involved;
Opening a primary relationship;
Self-identifying as kinky;
A working definition of power play;
Classes at CSPC with BondageLessons Max;
Is BDSM synonymous with power play;
Defining Dominate/top & submissive/bottom.

If you’re a member of fetlife.com, you can find Brody by searching for his profile: BJK32

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

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James Lear Returns — Podcast #104 — 03/02/09

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Hey sex fans,

We’re back with that exceptional erotic author and novelist, the one and only James Lear.  This is img_1863Part 2 my of my chat with James in this podcast series called The Erotic Mind.  As you know, we’ve been chatting with erotic artists of every stripe in the hope of uncovering something of the creative process involved with this specialized art form.

If you somehow missed Part 1 of this delightful yet provocative discussion look for last week’s podcast, #102 on Dr Dick’s PODCAST PAGE at the top of the page.  Or use the search function; just type in podcast #102.  Don’t forget to include the # sign.

James will share with us a juicy passage from his best-selling novel, The Palace of Varieties.  I am currently deep into reading this brilliantly smutty work myself.  And I have James and his generous publisher, Cleis Press, to thank for that, don’t cha know.

Be sure to visit James at his MySpace page HERE!

Or his alter ego, Rupert Smith, HERE!

James and I discuss:

  • What the difference might be between erotica and porn.
  • What makes good lit, erotic or otherwise.
  • Writing an erotic novel.
  • Celebrating sexuality in his writing.
  • Humor in erotica; like yeast in bread.
  • Avoiding the formulaic.
  • His sexual heroes.

And like I said, James serves up a juicy bit of his own erotica.

book_image-4 book_image

(click on the thumbnails to get more information about these volumes)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe.  I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: ROPEX.

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The Erotic Mind of James Lear — Podcast #102 — 02/23/09

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Hey sex fans,

I have an exceptional show in store for you.  Today, we return to my series of interviews with noted erotic artists called The Erotic Mind, As you know, we’ve been chatting with these ingenious people in hopes of uncovering something of the creative process involved with this specialized art form.

Sex fans, I have the distinct pleasure of welcoming the reigning king of gay erotic fiction.  No wait, I need to correct that.  My guest is actually the reigning king of all erotica, the amazing James Lear.

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James is a prolific author and novelist.  His work is recognized all over the world as topnotch.  In fact, he was named “Best Writer” at the 2008 Erotic Awards.  No mean feat that, I can tell ya.

And as a special treat, James will share with us a juicy morsel of the delectable fruit of his Erotic Mind.   You don’t want to miss this, people!

James and I discuss:

  • His nom de plume?
  • His very successful career and how it began.
  • His diverse audience of both women and men, gay and straight.
  • Who is writing gay erotic fiction these days.
  • The Slash Fiction phenomenon.
  • Breaking down traditional writing niches.
  • Avoiding clichés when creating sex scenes.

And like I said, James serves up a juicy bit of his own erotica.

Be sure to visit James at his MySpace page HERE!

book_image-11 book_image-21 book_image-31

(click on the thumbnails to get more information about these volumes)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe.  I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: The Right Position Erotic Boutique.

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‘I finally felt like one of the guys’

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How toxic masculinity breeds sexual abusers

By Jane Gilmore

“I’m a guy. I’m supposed to have sex. I’m supposed to be like every other guy. And so I’m like them, but [when I did this to the girls, I thought] I’m even better than them [dominant popular boys], because I can manipulate. They don’t get the power and the excitement. They have a sexual relationship with a girl. She can say what she wants and she has the choice. But the girls I babysat didn’t have the choice.”

This was Sam* explaining why he abused two girls, aged six and eight.

Sam, 18, was a foster child, abandoned by his biological parents and adopted when he was five by what he says was a loving, affectionate family. His adoptive parents both worked, but his mother did all the cooking, cleaning and caring for the children. His father “mowed the lawn, loafed around and worked with his tools”; he was in control of the family.

Sam was never the victim of physical or sexual violence at home, and he never committed any violence against his family.

School was a very different experience for him. He was short and heavy, and was subjected to constant bullying by the “popular dominant boys”. They told him he was “fat” and a “wimp”, that he would never fit in. He couldn’t play sport nor fight back when he was beaten up at school; the boys he perceived as popular and dominant shamed him by feminising him.

Sam understood this as his failure to be a “real man”. He wasn’t masculine enough for the “cool” boys to accept him. His body “served as an antagonist in his construction of masculinity”.

In his early years at high school when Sam started learning about sexuality, most of his understanding came from listening to the boys’ conversations there.

“Kids were talking at school about blow jobs and getting laid, telling dirty jokes and about having sex and stuff like that,” he said.

His understanding of sex and his own sexuality was that he had to have sex to be a proper man.

“Well, I’m a guy, so this is something that every guy does, that I want to be part of. I want to be like the other guys. I want to know what it feels like. I want to know what goes on.”

He didn’t think he could have relationships with girls his own age because he believed what the popular boys had told him for years – that his body and personality were not acceptably masculine, and therefore no girls would like him.

So at 15 he started babysitting for local families, and sexually abused the little girls in his care. He deliberately chose girls he saw as quiet and vulnerable. He didn’t use physical force, he used coercion, fear and control to manipulate his victims into submitting to the abuse.

“I felt that I was No.1. I didn’t feel like I was small any more, because in my own grade, my own school, with people my own age, I felt like I was a wimp, the person that wasn’t worth anything. But when I did this to the girls, I felt like I was big, I was in control of everything.”

This terrible and tragic story comes from a paper written by James Messerschmidt, a professor of criminology at the University of Southern Maine. It’s a summary of several books and papers he’s written about the relationship between violence and masculinity, or at least the twisted version of masculinity too often imposed on boys and young men.

Zack*, the other boy in Messerschmidt’s paper, had very similar experiences. He was bullied for being short, overweight, bad at sport and wimpy. Zack, like Sam, decided that sex was a way to prove to himself and others that he was a “real man”, and he started sexually abusing a vulnerable young girl.

“It made me feel real good. I just felt like finally I was in control over somebody. I forgot about being fat and ugly. She was someone looking up to me, you know. If I needed sexual contact, then I had it. I wasn’t a virgin any more. I wanted control over something in my life, and this gave it to me. I finally felt like one of the guys.”

It would be comforting to think of Sam and Zack as aberrations: tragic, but unusual in their experiences.

Sadly, the truth is that they are likely to be typical of the boys and young men who turn to violence to confirm their male identity and align with what they think is a desirable masculinity.

Study after study after study after study after study has found that domestic and sexual violence is usually based on a need for control, based on toxic misunderstanding of what gender roles should be.

These studies include wide-ranging research, surveys and interviews with both victims and offenders. They all show that violence is most likely to occur in cultures that strongly enforce gender roles and unequal power relationships between men and women.

The notion that “real men” are sexually powerful, dominant, strong and never to be rejected does enormous damage to boys and men, which in turn leads to them doing enormous damage to girls and women.

Boys who fail the masculinity test suffer excruciating rejection, and this doesn’t just reinforce toxic masculinity in the boys seen to fail, but also confirms it for the boys who pass.

Anna Krien’s 2013 book Night Games was a searing insight into the world of “successful” masculinity in Australia, where the young men who achieved all the “real man” targets of being tall, strong, powerful and excelling at sport lived in a culture of sexual entitlement and an expectation that everyone would see women as objects, not people.

Sam and Zack’s stories are the ones we need to tell people who think anti-bullying and respectful relationship education in schools is a waste of time, or worse, a means of diminishing men.

Our schools are littered with potential Sams and Zacks, and with the boys they thought of as popular and dominant. All of them are damaged by the ideas they teach each other about being a real man.

And all of them damage women when they carry those ideas into adulthood.

* Not his real name

Complete Article HERE!

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