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More of The Erotic Mind of Clayton Hibbert — Podcast #336 – 06/11/12

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Hey sex fans,

The Seattle Erotic Art Festival will open its doors to its international audience in just 5 days. That’s right, the festival’s nine-day run will begin this Saturday, June 16th. And the excitement here in the Emerald City is palatable. Taking a breather from his hectic schedule, festival director Clayton Hibbert, returns today to finish the conversation we began last week. And of course he is here again this year as part of The Erotic Mind series.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of our chat, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #335 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Clayton and I discuss:

  • Ten Years of Love and Lust — a milestone;
  • Guest curators;
  • Why the focus on erotic art;
  • The literary component;
  • Erotic poetry;
  • Instillation art — the Spider Web and 60 years of gay erotic photography;
  • What is art and what is erotic;
  • Reaching for the edges;
  • Erotic art and pornography;
  • Pushing the envelope;
  • Ticket options
  • The festival’s history.

Clayton invites you to visit the Seattle Erotic Art Festival website HERE! Don’t hesitate; pick up your tickets today!

 

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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My First Love

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It’s Pride Month! So we’ll be spending a little time each week hearing the thoughts and concerns of the LGBT community.

Name: Jaymie
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Location:
Hi, my name is Jaymie. I am a 16-year-old guy. I have a best friend (Jared) also 16, who I have been in love with for 3 years now. I know, you probably think, “he’s too young to fall in love”. Well I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s the only thing I’ve ever been so sure of in my life.

Anyways, I am bisexual. He knows that. I told him about 4 months ago that I was in love with him and he told me he already knew and that he was ok with it. A few years ago, we made out one night when we were kind of drunk and that scared him. He recently told me that he used to have feelings for me, but he got rid of them because “that’s not the kind of person he is”. I’m guessing by that he means that he couldn’t do it because he is not “gay”. He’s had a girlfriend now and they’ve been together for about 10 months and he’s supposedly in love with her. Even though there relationship is shit and they are always fighting.

We’ve always been really flirty with each other (cuddling, tickling, spooning, touching each others penis’ etc.) but all that has kind of gone down hill because of his parents catching us spooning and giving him SO much shit about it. Now we just cuddle once in a while.

I have a couple of questions, and you seem like a smart man. 1. What should I do about him? Should I give up on him? I cry all the time about it because I feel he’s the only one for me that I will ever love this much. 2. I know this might be a little weird, but when we were sleeping next to each other, I always stick my hands down his pants and play with his penis. Sometimes for fun, sometimes I jack him off while I jack off (I know, so I’m a little obsessed) he never wakes up though. He ALWAYS gets a boner when I do it but never moves and stays “asleep”. Can he get a boner from me touching him while he’s sleeping? Or does this mean that he’s faking it and knows I am doing it? If you could answer me that would be great. It’s really important.

You know what? You’re right; I’m a smart man. Smart enough to recognize that you too are pretty damn smart yourself. This is so curious to me. I know men more than twice your age who, in comparison to you, are absolutely clueless about who they are and what they desire. You, on the other hand, are very precocious. And that, my friend, is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you have extraordinary clarity about yourself and what makes you tick. On the other hand, being as advanced as you are, you leave your age peers in the dust, so to speak. The young man you mention, Jared, he is nowhere near as confident as you with regard to who he is and what he wants. That’s not unusual. In fact, as I suggest, that’s par for the course for a young man his age. You are the one who is unusual. And I’m not talking about your sexual preferences, just your emotional maturity.

I’m receiving an ever-increasing number of messages from young people, just like you, who are in the throws of adolescent anxiety. Everything seems topsy-turvy in their life including their sexual awakenings. These young people’s hormones are raging and they don’t know how to direct them.

You, Jaymie, say you love your friend. You suspect that I will disregard the whole idea as preposterous, because of your age. On the contrary, I take what you say at face value. I know for certain that young people have the capacity to feel as deeply and as passionately about things as older people. What may be lacking in younger people is a frame of reference — a means of tempering their unruly passions — because that come only by way of life experience. I hasten to add that a good number of us older folks don’t have the ability rule our passion very well either, even though we have a shit-load of life experience. This is truly unfortunate, because our lack of insight makes for some pretty messy lives and seriously diminishes the number of good role models of living healthy emotional lives. Perhaps if you get the hang of this while in your teens, Jaymie, you’ll be much better situated as an adult.

I note that you say you cry all the time. You claim you know your friend is the only guy for you and this causes this emotional distress. Here’s where I believe the whole life experience thing could help temper your passions. But since this is your first time out the gate, let me make some predictions. I’d be willing to bet my last dollar that this guy, as pivotal as he is to you today, is not the only man for you. In fact, I’ll wager that by the time you finish college, you’ll barely remember this fellow’s name. I’d also be willing to bet that most of your tears are tears of frustration, because the young man in question is unwilling, or more likely unable, to return your affections as you think he should. And unrequited love stings like the dickens. But I think you already know that part.

I have another prediction for you. You will have several of these unrequited love experiences in your life. I can predict this with absolute certainty, because lots of people just like you have traveled this same path. So if you allow me to offer you some advice, it would be to try to go with the flow. Take the joys with the pain and try not to fly apart in the process. Destiny has lots of things in store for you. And Jared is just the first of many of his kind.

As you make your way in life, particularly as a bisexual or gay man, you will discover a sad fact. Many other men with the same longings as you, some of which will be the objects of your affections, will not be able to acknowledge or reciprocate your feelings. This is because they are unable or unwilling to acknowledge their own feelings. The world is full of these kinds of men. So prepare to meet more than your share.

Jared’s pretending to be asleep while you fondle and jerk him off, is his way of avoiding both you and himself. Trust me, if he didn’t want you to do what you are doing, he’d sure enough let you know in no uncertain terms. Exclusively straight boys and men are like that. They’re like totally not down with the gay sex thing. Again, I’d wager he’s accepting your sexual advances and even enjoying them as much as he allows him himself to. What he can’t or won’t do is be upfront about it with you.

No doubt he’s scared shitless about all of this. On the one hand he’s being intensely pleasured by you, another guy. On the other he must be crippled with guilt and shame, aware of how inappropriate this is in terms of his parents value system, his religious upbringing and a good portion of our sex negative culture. I’d also be willing to bet that despite the fact that you are touching him out of your deep feelings for him, your touch only adds to his internal conflict and anxiety.

Most guys who receive the sexual attentions of another dude, but fake being absent through out, like feigning sleep or being drunk, can avoid some of the internal conflict by telling themselves that they are not like the guy doling out the sexual touch. That is in fact a delusion, but many a man gets through his life on delusion alone. You will discover this for yourself as your life unfolds before you.

Finally, to your question should you quit Jared? I think that you and I both know that despite your deep feelings for him, he’s not gonna wake up from one of your sexually charged naps and proclaim his love for you…at least not anytime soon. In fact, if you continue along the path, you risk ruining any chance that he could come to an awakening and acceptance of his sexuality on his own. Constantly pressuring him and mooning over him is counterproductive. And I also foresee a major confrontation erupting soon. Here’s a tip: some even ostensibly straight guys can groove on the whole sex thing with another dude, but they choke on the emotional attachment that often comes with the proffered blowjob.

So it’s pretty much your call, Jaymie. Will you continue to assail Jared for your own selfish pleasure knowing as you do that he can’t or won’t respond as you want him to? Or do you back off and allow him the time and space he needs to come to awareness on his own?

I think we both know what the mature choice is, don’t we? If you love this guy as much as you say, you’re gonna have to cool your jets and give him room to mature at his own pace. Remember he has some ways to go to catch up with you.

Good luck

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More of The Erotic Mind of David de Lara — Podcast #332 — 05/14/12

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Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

The gifted painter, illustrator and photographer, the man with this Texas sized talent, David de Lara, returns today for Part 2 of his appearance on this The Erotic Mind series.

And I am happy to report that David brings along with him another gallery of his delightful art for us to enjoy. You’ll find it below.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1of this delectable conversation, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #331 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

David and I discuss:

  • His early exploration of photography;
  • Being compelled to be creative;
  • The erotic vs. the pornographic;
  • His chosen media;
  • Coming to Seattle for the Seattle Erotic Art Festival;
  • What he looks for in a model;
  • His models are his collaborators;
  • What he looks for in the erotic art of others;
  • What the future holds for he and his work.

David invites you to visit him on his site HERE! Find him on Facebook HERE! His noteworthy blog HERE! And follow him on Twitter HERE!

(Click on the thumbnail images below to see another slideshow of some of David’s beautiful artwork.)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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Naturally

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Hey sex fans!

Welcome to this our latest edition of Product Review Friday. Today we feature the second of three products that came to us from a marvelous Israeli company, Joya 4U. If you somehow missed the first of our reviews you can find it HERE.

Today we welcome back Dr Dick Review Crew member, Angie. We’ve missed you ma’am! And we’re so glad you’re back with us.

Little Su Natural —— $38.41

Angie

After an all-together too long hiatus from the Dr Dick Review Crew I’m happily back where I belong. Thanks for the warm welcome back, Dr Dick.

I was absent for so long because I had a little medical issue that I needed to attend to. Actually, it was a big medical concern. I was diagnosed with lymphoma over a year ago. One of these days I’d like to do some writing about my cancer diagnosis and treatment and how these things impacted me, my husband and our sex life. But until that day comes, let’s just say it was an adventure. A difficult, confusing and often painful adventure, but an adventure nonetheless.

There is precious little information about sex and sexuality available to cancer survivors. No one seemed to be capable of speaking clearly and unambiguously about how a diagnosis and treatment can impact a person’s intimate life. This conspiracy of silence has got to stop!

See, don’t get me started. Well, actually, this is precisely where I want to start.

The only way I knew how to work my way back to being a sexual being, for myself, and a sexual partner, for my husband, was through masturbation.

My self-loving exercises began slowly and tentatively, but I still made progress. My husband was lovingly supportive, which was a really good thing. I am so blessed.

All this gets me to my review of the Little Su Natural. This delightful insertable is my new friend. And the curious thing is, it’s not a vibrator.

The beautiful packaging refers to Little Su Natural as a dildo, but I think that generic designation does it a disservice. This 100% medical grade silicone insertable is much more versatile than any other dildo I’ve ever used. It’s so flexible; you can use it alone, or with a partner. And you can use it vaginally or anally. It relatively small as insertable go, it’s only about 4.5” long with a diameter of slightly over 1.25”.

I’d like to direct your attention to the user manual that comes with the Little Su Natural. Here you will find detailed written instructions and illustrations depicting various methods of using Little Su Natural. For example, when the thick bulbous end is inserted vaginally it brings the sculptured tail in contact with your clitoris. Rubbing or rocking on a bed or pillow delivers intense pleasure. The Little Su Natural is also ideal for tightening you PC (pubococcygeus) muscle. As part of my post cancer rehabilitation I’ve rededicated myself to doing my kegel exercises, which has revitalized the sensations I feel internally.

The Little Su Natural works just as well in partnered play. I insert it as I would when I am alone, but when I’m with my husband; I straddle his thigh and rock myself to pleasure or he will use his hand to rock it for me. This position gives me more control over the kind of stimulation I want and need. I learned that having control, like this, was particularly important to me when I was first reinvestigating my sexual response after chemo.

I hasten to add that you can only use water-based lube with this silicone toy.

Clean up is a snap! Warm water and mild soap will do for everyday cleaning. If you are looking to share your Little Su Natural, and I think you should, then you must sanitize it. This is easily done by dropping it into a pot of boiling or putting it through a cycle in the dishwasher.

As much as I admired the stylish packaging, the foam insert inside the box, which holds the Little Su Natural, has a bit of an unpleasant odor. I decided to get rid of that and replace it with folded hand towel. That way I can continue to use the box for storage.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

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Now what?

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Name: Jen
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: Florida
I am a young and attractive female with a great personality and many friends, but when it comes to men… I just don’t get it. I date many guys, but I can’t seem to get a guy into a relationship. I wont have sex with a guy unless we’re a “couple”, but the men I date seem to be turned off by this fact and don’t stay in the picture for long. In the past, I would have sex with guys I dated, but it would always end as soon as a relationship was mentioned. Any tips on how to get a guy to stick around without having to put out?

Basically men are pigs, darling. They want what they want, when and how they want it. (And just for the record, you appear to be just like most men, right? You have a very strict notion about how things should be and you wanna have it just that way.)

Nowadays the men folk don’t think it’s necessary to commit to a relationship just to get laid. The marketplace, so to speak, is brimming over with less encumbered pussy.

Now, far be it from me to suggest that you change your behaviors or value system. But you might want to take a look at why you are using sex as a lure? Maybe you’re good in bed, but not great relationship material. Or it might be that you are simply fishing in the wrong hole, so to speak.

Try connecting with a good fundamentalist Christian boy or one of them fine Mormon missionaries that are always floating around in pairs. They’re generally cute as the dickens in their white shits and black ties. And they will probably have a similar outlook as you as to the proper place for sex.

However, you may also discover that men with more traditional values about sex also have very traditional notions about the place of women in a marriage. Ya know, like barefoot and pregnant. You may even find that one of these more traditional types will do you one better by insisting that there be no nookie till you convert and get married in the church or temple.

In other words, beware of what you wish for; you may actually get it!

Good luck

Name: Tessa
Gender: Female
Age: 33
Location: Sherman Oaks
My husband and I are taking our first tentative steps into the world of kink. Unfortunately, we really don’t know what we’re doing. Are there any good guides out there for the novice kinkster?

You betcha, darlin’! Let me call your attention to Dr Dick’s How To Video Library. Click on the Video On Demand tab in the header. This will take you to the library’s start page. Once inside you’ll find everything your little hearts could desire in terms of guides for the budding perv. In particular, I’d like to call your attention to the series put out by the ever popular, Nina Hartley.

Nina is one of the most recognized and respected people in the adult industry. She is as well known for her outspoken support of the industry as she is for her more than 600 adult titles. Nina established herself as one of the top porn stars of the 80’s. Her success continued strong in the 90’s when she did some of her best work. Today she uses her position as one of the world’s most popular adult stars to advocate sex education and sexual freedom among couples and singles.

Look for: Nina Hartley’s Guide To The Perfect OrgyNina Hartley’s Guide To Stripping For Your PartnerNina Hartley’s Guide To Sex For The Bi-Curious WomanNina Hartley’s Guide To Foot FunNina Hartley’s Guide To Strap-On SexNina Hartley’s Guide To SpankingNina Hartley’s Guide To Double PenetrationNina Hartley’s Guide to Sensual DominationNina Hartley’s Guide To Couples SexplorationNina Hartley’s Guide to Threesomes  and Nina Hartley’s Guide To Bondage Sex. Just to name a few.

These handy dandy guides demystifies the particular fetish, takes the time to explain why fetishes are alluring, and what to do when one is curious about how to play with that fetish. And the visuals…well they will tantalize and inspire.

If Missy Nina doesn’t cover the particular kink that you are looking for, just do a search for the particular fetish you’re curious about. You’ll find just about everything at Dr Dick’s How To Video Library. Try search terms like: bondage, discipline, role-play, tickling, tit play, costumes, cock and ball torture, fetish, cross-dressing, diaper and medical play. The list goes on and on.

And the best part of all of this is that you’ll be able to view these videos by the scene, or in their entirety. Heck, you can even download to own. And you do it all from the comfort and security of your own computer. Simply put there’s no better way to become a big fat pervert than indulging in Dr Dick’s How To Video Library.

Good luck

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