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What’s that you say?

Name: Scott
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: Kansas
I am a 20-year-old virgin who has never even had phone or cybersex. The reason for this is that when I am complimented in a sexual or sensual manner, for example “your voice is sexy” or “your intelligence is a major turn on” or even something as simple as “you’re cute or adorable or whatever” I get aroused but I also have a very negative reaction. I have a cold, sinking feeling in my stomach. I become slightly dizzy and even occasionally nauseous. I’ve been having these reactions since the 7th grade, which was the first time I was propositioned. When I find the woman of my dreams I want to be able to satisfy her every want and need, but I won’t be able to if I continue to have these reactions. Can you help me get rid of this or at least give me an idea of where it comes from or what is causing it?

Sounds to me, pup, like you got yourself a bad case of sexphobia; an irrational fear of sex. This is classic: “I am aroused but I also have a very negative reaction. I have a cold, sinking feeling in my stomach. I become slightly dizzy and even occasionally nauseous.” You should also know that phobias aren’t particularly uncommon.

sex-phobia-1There’s probably a good reason why you’re experiencing this phobia. If you and I were working together I’d want to take a look at the incident you report happened to you in the 7th grade. You said you were propositioned. What does that mean exactly? You were 12 and someone came on to you? A peer? Someone older? Was it someone inappropriate; a family member, a clergy person, a teacher? Why did you have such a negative response?

That being said, getting over a phobia, of whatever kind — fear of flying, snakes, spiders, public speaking, or sex — can be accomplished without dredging up the past. Here’s how you might begin:

  • Identify the specifics of your fear as they play themselves out in your life now. What precisely frightens you about sex and/or intimacy?
  • Create a plan to take the edge off your fear in small incremental steps. For example, start out with holding hands, move to embracing, then kissing. What behaviors push the panic button for you?
  • Address each and every thing that hampers your progress. For example, why does kissing push your buttons while holding hands and/or cuddling don’t?
  • Be firm in your resolve to push past your discomfort and stretch your limits. Sinking to the lowest common denominator will not do.
  • Address the emotional response you have to each aspect of your phobia before moving on to the next one. Build on your successes.

This is kinda hard to do on one’s own, but it’s not impossible. There are loads of books and programs on the market that can help an individual move through a phobia. You might want to do an online search, look for something like: overcoming a phobia.

Some people have success with visualization techniques, for others hypnotherapy works. Basically, it’s simply a matter of desensitization — defusing the feared thing, and doing it incrementally.

Good luck

Name: Afeisha
Gender: Female
Age: 21
Location: Pennsylvania
I usually have orgasms when I masturbate, but when I’m having sex with my partner it’s so hard to arrive at an orgasm, even when the sex is great?

Women suffer from performance anxiety too, ya know.

While performance anxiety is mostly talked about in terms of men and their erection problems, guys don’t have a monopoly on this annoying issue.No-Genitals

I’d be willing to guess that you, my dear, have got some performance anxiety goin’ on yourself, possibly even big time. Sad to say, this difficulty often plagues younger women the most. Young women tend to have less self-esteem. And if they are new to sex, they may feel like they don’t know what they are doing, which can be both disturbing and distracting. On the other hand, if a young woman is not a sexual novice and she appears too knowledgeable about sex, she runs the risk of being labeled a slut. So basically, young women can’t win for losing. It’s friggin’ regrettable, but there ya have it.

So let’s see if we can get to the bottom of this, as it were. Let me ask you a few questions. First and foremost, where is your mind when you are having sex with a partner? Is it on the pleasure you are giving and receiving? Or is it, like so many people, on something other than the pleasurable sensations?

  • If your mind is busy with how you look, or how you smell, or if you are wondering if that birthmark is too obvious. Or if you’re worried about how accomplished you are at performing a particular sex act, or if you’re concerned about your partner feelings for you. Then you may have performance anxiety.
  • If you’re anxious about what your partner is thinking of you; or if he/she is turned on by you; or loves you; or is just bangin’ away at you like a slab of beef. Then you may have performance anxiety.
  • If you’re afraid to let go and have a screamin’ meme of an orgasm, because it might not look lady-like; or you’re not sure you can trust the person who’s bumpin’ you enough to just relax and enjoy the ride. Then you may have performance anxiety.

This being said, performance anxiety is only one explanation for the problem you experience in partnered sex. Many women report that their partnered sex is not as satisfying as their solo sex, because they’re not able to stimulate themselves in the same fashion in partnered sex as you do when they’re jillin’ off on their own. If you are self-conscious about showing your partner the particulars of gettin yourself off, or too intimidated to incorporate a vibrator in your love making, you might not be getting the kind of stimulation you need when you need it. Thus you might be aroused, but not to the point of lettin’ one loose…if ya catch my drift.

Finally, one of the easiest solutions to this problem is to simply have a frank discussion with your partner(s) about what gets you off before the fuck-fest begins. That will clear the air of unnecessary anticipation and you both will be able to relax more into the event itself, rather than being distracted by the externals.

Good luck

Down, but not out

Name: Roger
Gender: Male
Age: 70s
Location: Saugatuck Michigan
Hi– linked to your very interesting site via Allkink. My question: last year I underwent radiation on my prostate; it was enlarged and had cancer cells. Apparently it did the job, since my PSA is way down and the Dr. says I’ve shrunk, and am healthy otherwise. But since then I am almost totally impotent (don’t get erect when I want to, though sometimes get semi-erect at random times). I can still orgasm, but don’t ejaculate; sometimes a little clear fluid dribbles out afterwards. Curiously, I could still ejaculate during and right after the radiation treatments, but not now. Also in general a noticeable decrease in libido. Needless to say, very annoying.

I’m gay, solo, in my 70s, celibate since mid-1980s when I tested HIV-, and a dedicated bottom. I knew I was at risk, and “safe-sex” just didn’t turn me on. I’ve been using dildos of all sizes for years. Now, insertion has become a little painful (kinda stings, like the first times way back when), but after several tries they go in OK. Those of larger girth or not-very-smooth texture are really difficult, and I’ve pretty much given up on them (though “John Holmes” still works!). There is occasionally a little blood on the dildo afterwards, but bleeding doesn’t persist, and Dr. says I have no hemorrhoid. The radiologist did warn me that the treatment might produce scar tissue in the colon. Is that a possibility?

I hate to think that I ought to give up altogether on my little pleasures, but would welcome you advice/opinion. I haven’t discussed this with my urologist, whom I don’t know very well, but did bring it up with my (female) GP, who didn’t seem overly concerned and merely suggested lots of lube, which was not news to me.PMB110

Wow, Roger, that was a mouthful. I am so delighted that you wrote in. I love hearing from folks in their 60’s 70’s and 80’s who are still enjoying a rich and fulfilling sex life, even if it is by themselves. I am of the mind that self-pleasuring can be some of the most rewarding sex available to a person at any age. And nowadays, with all the amazing sex toys on the market, one can enjoy solitary sexual pleasure like never before.

I’ve written and spoken a lot about prostate issues including the aftermath of cancer treatments. May I suggest that you take a look at the CATEGORY section on the sidebar of my site? There you will find a category labeled “Health Concerns.” There are subcategories for “Anal Fissures,”  and one for “Prostatectomy.”  I realize that you haven’t had a radical prostatectomy, but your situation is very similar to those men who have. If you click on either of those two subcategories you will find loads of useful information in both written and podcasts form.

In the meantime, let me see if I can address some of your questions in a nutshell. You ask about possible scar tissue from radiation therapy. The short answer is; yes, scar tissue is possible, even probable. And as we all know scar tissue is not nearly as pliable as regular tissue. Scar tissue also MR01034has fewer nerve ending than normal tissue. You could be injuring yourself without even knowing it since the sensations in your ass are considerably less then they once were. I’d be willing to guess that this might be the source of the bleeding you report. Maybe you need to retire the really big toys, like the John Holmes, and enjoy something more modest for the time being. Another suggestion is to try an inflatable dildo.  or a smaller insertable that vibrates.  There are several on the market. You can find several in My Stockroom. The advantage to something like the inflatable dildo is that you could insert something relatively narrow  and inflate to a larger size once inside. This would avoid ramming a big dildo in bum from the get go. And a vibrating insertable would add stimulation without the length or girth.E477

As to your erection issues; yeah, I hear ya. Aging alone will take its toll on the hydraulics that give us wood. When you couple that with the trauma of invasive surgery and/or radiation therapy, well it’s no wonder stiffies elude us. I tell the men that I see in my private practice, who are similarly challenged as you, to use a cock ring  to assist in getting the best boner possible under the circumstances. A penis pump works pretty well too, if you want to go the distance.  I have lots more to say about these devices if you care to hear about it.

C923Also, several men I know with erection concerns are taking a cue from the women folk and employing a vibrator in their sex play. There are the insertable kind, as I’ve already mentioned, and there are external ones too. Have you given this option a thought? The extra stimulation a vibrator can produce will increase blood flow and thus a more substantial boner. I have a whole lot more to say about this too if you care to write to me for that information.

In the end, it will be desire that will continue to propel you to further enjoy yourself and the pleasures your body has to offer. I wish you continued lust and many more years of healthy and life-affirming sexuality.

Good luck

Too pooped to pop

Name: Djon
Gender: Male
Age: 54
Location:
I’m a 54-year-old man, who 3 years ago managed to finally come out and live the life I so desperately longed for all my life. My question — is there a biological clock in men like the issues women have to deal with in menopause. During the last years of my marriage there was no sex life other than with myself. Now I’m living a fantastic life, with a great man who I love very much. I know there is more to life than sex but now that I’m finally able to express myself physically with a man my ability to perform is just not working.

I’ve tried Viagra and such years ago. They used to work in maintaining an erection, it was just by myself, but I always had fun. The headache’s and discomforts from the meds bring up the question — do I really want to take this?

But now the med’s don’t even help, and as for my libido it suffers with my lack of ability. I’ve been tested for testosterone levels and they say I’m right where I should be at for my age. I’ve seen two doctors about the issue and when they find out my partner’s sex they don’t want to deal with it and seem to just pass it off as an age thing.

I’m in fairly decent good shape, I exercise 3 – 4 days a week at the gym, can you send me any advice on a path to take.

A little frustrated: Djon

A little frustrated? Holy cow, darlin’, you sound a lot frustrated. I don’t blame ya. You finally find what’s been missing throughout your whole life only to discover that your plumbing is now givin’ out on you. Ain’t that a bitch! And before I continue I want to tell you and all the other alternative lifestyle people in my audience, don’t settle for a sex-negative physician no matter what. Dion, find yourself a sex-positive doctor that will look beyond your choice of partner and give you the respect you deserve! Damn, I hate shit like that.

andropause2258You raise an interesting question about the aging process when you ask if men experience something similar to menopause in women. The short answer is — yeah, you betcha! In fact, it even has a name; andropause.  I’ve written and spoken extensively about this very subject. Here’s what I want you to do. Look for the CATEGORIES section in the sidebar, look for the category — AGING. There you will find everything I’ve written and said about Andropause, and Sex and Aging.

You’ll find a whole lot more information there than I can put together for you in this posting. However, I can offer you an overview. It’s only been recently that the medical industry has started to pay attention to the impact changing hormonal levels have on the male mind and body. Most often andropause is misdiagnosed as depression and treated with an antidepressant. WRONG!

Every man will experience a decrease testosterone, the “male” hormone, as he ages. This decline is gradual, often spanning ten to fifteen years on average. While the gradual decrease of testosterone does not display the profound effects that menopause does, the end results are similar.

And listen, when a physician says that your testosterone level falls within an acceptable range, he/she isn’t telling you much. Let’s just say you had an elevated level of testosterone all your life, till now. Let’s say that you now register on the lower end of “acceptable”. That would mean that you’ve had a significant loss in testosterone. But your doctor wouldn’t know that, because he has no baseline for your normal testosterone level to begin with.andropause

There is no doubt that a man’s sexual response changes with advancing age and the decrease of testosterone. Sexual urges diminish, erections are harder to come by, they’re not as rigid, there’s less jizz shot with less oomph. And our refractory period (or interval) between erections is more pronounced too.

Andropausal men might want to consider Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT). Just know that most medical professionals, like yours, Dion, resist testosterone therapy. Some mistakenly link Testosterone Replacement Therapy with prostate cancer. Even though recent evidence shows prostatic disease is estrogen-dependent rather than testosterone-dependent. I encourage you to be fully informed about TRT before you approach your doctor, your new sex positive doctor, because the best medicine is practiced collaboratively — by you and your doctor.

Finally, getting the lead back in your pencil, so to speak, may simply be an issue of taking more time with arousal play. Don’t expect to go from zero to 60 in a matter of seconds like you once did. Also, use a cockring.  But most of all, fuckin’ relax, why don’t cha already. Your anxiety is short-circuiting your wood, my friend. And only you can stop that.

Good luck

Shorty & Cutie

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday again. Today we feature our third, and last review of the Toyfriend line. We have two vibes on tap for you today.

But wait! You didn’t miss our earlier Toyfriend reviews, did you? Well not to worry if you did, because you can find it and all our reviews on DrDickSexToyReviews.com. Use the search function in the header, type in “Toyfriend” and VOILÀ!

Dr Dick Review Crew members, Jack & Karen are here to tell us about their new toy.

Cute Toyfriend —— $22.68
Shorty Toyfriend —— $40.25

Jack & Karen
Karen: “Jack and I have two vibes to tell you about today. Both come from Toyfriend. I think I can safely categorize both as small, pocket-sized personal vibrators. But despite their diminutive size, they are distinctive in terms of design and function.”
Jack: “Both Karen and I were impressed with the reviews our fellow Review Crew members gave the two other Toyfriend vibes that we’ve featured over the past few weeks. This company gets high marks for innovation and creativity.”Cute
Karen: “I want to introduce you to our first Toyfriend, Cute. It has a very unique design. In fact it is the most distinctive toy I own. Its broad flat head, as well as its stalk is covered in beautiful, warm-to-the-touch 100% silicone. It’s easy to grip, even with lubed fingers. Cute is a G-spot vibe, so it’s meant to be inserted. However, I found I liked it best as an external vibe. The edge of the broad flat head was ideal for clit stimulation.”
Jack: “Since Karen was having difficulty using the Cute on herself internally. I asked if I might give it a try. As it turned out, it was much easier for me to maneuver Cute into place than it was for her to do so. Besides, I know where her G-spot is.”
Karen: “Sometimes that’s how it is, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s nice to just lay back and be taken care of instead of taking care of one’s self. Cute is not a particularly powerful vibe; it runs on a battery. And happily, the first battery is included in the package. Thanks Toyfriend! However, the battery they chose for this vibe is unusual. It’s an N-type, 1.5W battery. We couldn’t use any of our stock of traditional sized batteries with this vibe. For some this will be a deal breaker. In fact, we had to search several stores to find a replacement.”
Jack: “I have to agree. I have to wonder why Toyfriend chose that battery size as opposed to a more traditional AAA battery. That issue aside, Cute is waterproof so it can be enjoyed in the shower or bath. We have one of those oversized bathtubs in our master bathroom so Karen and I start many of our play sessions in the bath. I can’t think of anything more soothing than a soak, it really gets me in a sensual mood. I was able to use Cute externally on myself too. It’s a tickler, ya know. Its broad flat head delivers a tingly sensation to my nipples, dick head, balls, and butthole. I couldn’t quite insert it in my ass, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. I guess I need something more tapered.”
Karen: “I think that Jack liked Cute more than I did, which is perfectly fine with me. Next up is Shorty. I had to laugh the first time I saw this vibe. It’s a stylized rabbit vibe. Again, kudos for the distinctive design, but what struck me most is that it looks like a rabbit with a huge, obscene erection.”Toyfriend-Shorty
Jack: “It does; it’s comical! There are many similarities between these two toys. Shorty, like its Cute cousin, is covered from head to toe in beautiful silicone. It’s also battery operated, same funky size battery too. It’s as quiet as its cousin and it is waterproof too. It’s also a G-spot vibe. But ya know what? This one works on my P-spot. Because of it’s tapered ‘appendage.’ For lack of a better term, I was able to slip it right in my ass.”
Karen: “I’m certain that Jack got off on Shorty way more than I did. The overly stylized shape didn’t work for me and my G-spot. The bullet style vibrator delivers gentle stimulation. If that’s your bag, or you’re just starting out as a vibrator user, you’ll really like Shorty.”
Jack: “Both of our new toys, Shorty and Cute, are ideal for sharing. The fact that they are waterproof and sheathed in nonporous silicone makes sanitizing these puppies easy as pie. Mild soap and warm water is fine for everyday cleaning. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. After you wipe it down rinse in warm water and let it air dry. But we both were so confident of the quality of these toys that we dropped each of them in boiling water for a couple of minutes and even ran them through a cycle in the dishwasher to completely sanitize them. Both toys weathered this treatment no problem at all.”
Karen: “There’s no doubt about it, these are well designed and carefully crafted pleasure products. I want to call attention to the minimalist packaging. It’s fun, and there’s nothing ostentatious about it. Both vibes come with their own clear plastic stand. Very nice!”
Jack: “There’s lots to recommend these adorable toys. Just remember they are pocket-sized. Neither one is gonna deliver the vibration of a full-sized vibrator.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Boys Will Be Boys

Name: James
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Location:
I want to know if I should have sex with a man for the first time.

Well gee, darlin’, I suppose that would all depend on if you are into man-sex or not. If you are, I suppose having your first encounter will be like falling off a log. However, if you’re not into gay sex, then why would you even be considering such a thing.boys kissing

For the sake of argument, let’s just say you are into some hot man-on-man action, or think you are. If that’s the case, I have some questions. Do you have a particular partner in mind? If you do, what is it about this guy that makes you want to get physical with him? If you’re honest with yourself about this, you will probably be able to determine what kind of sexual contact you want to have with the dude. Which brings me to my next set of questions.

What kind of gay sex are you looking to experiment with? Something light, like kissing, making out, mutual masturbation, shared hand-jobs? For more information on this, check out my swell tutorial about hand jobs titled: The Art Of The Humble Hand Job.

Perhaps you’re looking to be a bit more adventurous, like cock sucking. That’s great too. But wait! Would you know how to smoke some pole with grace and ease? If not, check out my tutorial: So Ya Wanna Be A World-Class Cocksucker …Or How To Give The Perfect Blow Job. To find this brilliant expose and lots more information about the humble hummer, go to the CATEGORY pull down menu in the sidebar and look for “ORAL.” Then look for Cock Sucking.

Maybe you’re considering butt fucking. That’s a bit advanced for the gay sex novice, but it’s not unheard of. If I were you, I’d return to the CATEGORY pull down menu in the sidebar and check out the heading “ANAL”. There you will be treated to loads of information about being a good top, like my tutorial, Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top. As well as my tutorial for being a good bottom, Liberating The B.O.B Within.

There’s only one thing you absolutely need to know when it comes to ass fuckin, regardless of what position floats your boat. Be sure that whoever is on top uses a condom. And if you don’t know why you need to do that, then darlin’, you’re just not ready for sex with any kind of partner…same sex or otherwise.

Good luck

Name: Tony
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Location:
I’m trying to find out how to get ink marks off my dick without hurting my dickhead.

Whoops! Looks like you need to reevaluate the company you keep when you drink to the point of passing out, my friend.

I realize writin’ shit on a guy’s johnson while he’s unconscious is a hilarious practical joke among the frat-boy crowd. I mean, what could be funnier, right? Of course being on the receiving end of this little prank, like our friend Tony here, is considerably less comical.

i enjoy penisRidding oneself of ink marks, particularly the indelible variety, from one’s privates is a pain — both literally and figuratively. The best one can say about this clean-up chore is that it will probably cure the guy of binge drinking, at least with a bunch of rowdy adolescent-minded companions with Sharpie markers and too much time on their hands.

OK, Tony, here’s what you do. First, apply a liberal coat of baby oil or mineral oil to the effected area. Take your time massaging the oil into your skin. You may discover that this oily massage gives you a woody. That may be the silver lining to your ink-stained cloud. Actually having an erection will help expand the skin of your dickhead and allow the mineral oil to better penetrate the skin. The oil will sink into your skin and help lift the ink stain to the surface.

Follow this part of the treatment with lots of warm soap and water. You should see ink stain lessening.

Next, massage in a liberal mount of rubbing alcohol. Follow this with more warm soap and water.

Continue alternating between mineral oil followed by soap and water and rubbing alcohol followed by soap and water. Always ending the treatment with the soap and water part. A couple applications like this should do the trick. I would, however, recommend that you be as gentle as possible. If the satin persists after two such applications, give your prick a day to rest before attacking the stain again.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

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