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Better Living Through Chemistry??

Better Living Through Chemistry??

Hmmm, maybe not so much anymore.

Nowadays it seems like the whole chemistry thing is actually impeding the better living concept. The epic proportion of crystal-meth addiction is just one indication that our relentless pursuit of “happiness” is actually making us really sick and miserable. However, crank is only one of the culprits.

Ya know, if each of us took the time, every now and again, and check in with our body, we’d discover that it has a lot to say. It tells us when we are tired. It lets us know when we are hungry. (That is, if we’re not so fucked up we can’t think straight.) And given the chance, our body will also tell us when we’ve had too much (even of a good thing). Besides making us look and act like idiots, excessive drug and alcohol consumption also short-circuits this important flow of information from our body to our mind. This has dire consequences for our wellbeing and the wellbeing of those around us.

Dr. Dick,
My partner and I use poppers during sex and have been doing so for the past few months. Recently, I have been having pain in my gums and teeth. I read that the use of “heart medications”, like poppers’, can bring on these symptoms. I wasn’t concerned at first until I realized that I experienced the same symptoms once before when we were using poppers on a daily basis. The pains stopped after the poppers did. Now we’re using them again and the symptoms are back. Could the poppers actually be causing the pain in my teeth and gums?
Ken

Dear Ken,

This isn’t rocket science, darling. If you can put 2 and 2 together and come up with a plausible 4, shouldn’t that lead you to a probable conclusion?

Come on, you’re doin’ way too much poppers and you know it. Maybe it’s a lucky thingamst150.jpg that your teeth and gums are alerting you to your excess. But, hey, if you choose not to heed your body’s signals then you must be brain dead.

If you use a stimulant every time you have sex, you run the risk of desensitizing your body to the natural “high” that sexual activity provides us. You short-circuit or over-ride your body’s own pleasure producing hormones — endorphins. You also alter, and not for the better, your natural sexual response cycle. These are real concerns that are rarely spoken about when popper use and health risks are discussed. There is the real danger of altering your sexual response cycle to the point that you will never be able to enjoy sex without a stimulant. This is already an epidemic among those who use crystal-meth.

Stop now.

Good luck

Dear Dr. Dick
I have been in a relationship with this guy…he is 43 and I am 50. He admits that he is an alcoholic and I knew that when this relationship started a little over two years ago. The problem now is that I am having a hard time handling his “slips” and his mood swings which pushes all my wrong buttons all the time, lately. Do you think or advise that we end this relationship? Maybe we both need new partners. It is not that I don’t love him….I do. But I am tired of the same pattern…and I don’t think that I am ready to be any more patient then I already have been. Please help me in making a decision. Also, I have been recently diagnosed with HIV and will be starting my meds regime shortly…therefore sex has been rare if not absent. That may be another problem.
Confused and Hurt

Dear C&H,

Sounds to me like you’ve already made up your mind about the destructive nature of your relationship with your alcoholic partner. Do you just need someone to ratify your newcube1fff.jpgfeelings, or give you permission to do the thing you know you must do? If so, I happily provide both.

You know you shouldn’t be in this relationship and I know you shouldn’t be in this relationship. So what are you gonna do about it? Get out before it destroys you too. It’s obvious that there will be one casualty in this relationship, your partner. There doesn’t need to be two.

Your partner needs help and he’ll never get it if you continue to facilitate his self-destructive behaviors. If he doesn’t reach out to get some help, he’s sending you a message that the booze is more important to him than you are. This is not love, so I suggest you not call it that. It may be some kind of obsession, but it is definitely not love.

Whatever it is, let it go.

Good luck

Doc,
I got a question for you. One of my fuck buddies gets a small rash around his piss slit. It flares up every couple of months and stays for about a week. He says it itches like hell, but it feels good when he pisses or cums. The skin around his slit gets very rough the peals of. What could be the problem and is it dangerous?

P.S. please keep my name secret because if he finds out I told someone, his feelings will be hurt. I think he is scared he my have a STD.

Well then, we’ll just have to keep your little secret, won’t we?3f68.jpg

Listen, my friend, if I were you I’d encourage my fuck buddy to see a doctor right away. STDs (or more properly, Sexually Transmitted Infections) aside, inflammation and itching, particularly the kind you describe, are always signs of a serious dermatological disturbance. Medical issues like this, especially if they reoccur, should not be taken lightly. His body is trying to get his attention, for christ sake. What is he waiting for, a neon sign?

At the very least, left untreated, something like this could develop into a really serious infection and your friend could lose his dick altogether. No time to lose, pup, have him get this looked at right away.

Good luck

Liberating The B.O.B. Within

So ya finally decided to become a B.O.B. (Big Old Bottom)? Tired of missing out on all that ass-play everyone’s talkin’ about? Been secretly trippin’ on the exploits of your favorite porn stars? (“Jeez, would ya get a load of that. His hole looks like the Victory Arch in Paris, for god sake.”) And now want a piece of the action for yourself? But wait, there’s a wrinkle, you’re a virgin or worse yet, there’s been an “Exit Only” sign on yourgallerygay_20061125_085924.jpg poop chute for so long that the mere thought of someone diddlin’ your ass hole makes you blanch and swoon.

Dear Dr. Dick, Help! I want to be a bottom; at least I think I do. My boyfriend’s been begging for my booty big time, (my girlfriend just got herself a strap-on, YIKES!) but I’m just too tight down there and he’s really big (and she thinks turn-about is fair play). Our play time always end the same way, frustration for him (her) and a pain in the ass for me. How do those porno guys and gals do it?

fucking_men.jpgFirst off, darling, “porno guys,” as you so lovingly refer to them, are professionals (yeah, huh!). And Dr. Dick suggests that a novice butt pirate like you not try that fancy stuff at home before you know the basics.

So listen up, bottom wannabes, pleasurable buggering depends upon on three simple, but important things: 1) The will, 2) Being relaxed and 3) A considerate partner.

First. You gotta really want to get fucked. This may sound elementary, but it’s not. Some of my clients secretly confess that they don’t anyone near their precious tushie, and no amount of pleading and whimpering on the part of their long-suffering partner(s) is gonna change that. For some getting it up the ass is associated with11.jpg domination not pleasure. Manly men don’t bottom for nobody. (Oh sure Mary, me thinks you doth protest too much.) Others have religious reservations. (If god wanted me to get fucked he would have given me a vagina.) Still others have aesthetic concerns. (Oh no, that’s way too icky and messy.) I can assure you that these boys ain’t never gonna be a bottom no how.

Second. Let’s just say your dyin’ to get fucked, but you’re so intimidated by your top’s one-eyed monster that your quivering asshole is like totally shut down. Chill out! Why not begin your sex play with your partner giving you a relaxing sensual back rub. After awhile he could move on to a little butt play (and I do me play). The object here is pleasure not penetration. Have him tease your asshole with his finger. A tongue works nicely too. (This is called rimming, but you probably already knew that, because you’re not a complete idiot, huh?) A gentle circular motion works best. Have him use his hands to spread your ass cheeks, this will give your top better access to your rosebud and give you a double dose of pleasure. After a while, a lubricated finger can be inserted for a bit of a prostate massage, which is ohhh sooo delicious. When you’re ready to kick it up a notch, have your partner try inserting two fingers or a small dildo. Rhythmic deep breathing will help keep you relaxed. And when you’re all loosened up and ready to become like one of them “porno guys or gals,” you can him plug in the real thing. No more meat substitutes for you. Experiment with different positions. Try sittin’ down on that big old thang, or do it doggie style. Getting laid while on your side with your man comin’ at ya from behind gives you a bit more control over the depth of his thrusting. And of course, there’s also the traditional missionary position; you 12.jpgon your back, legs spread eagle and your pumps pointing to the stars.

Third. Having a big dick doesn’t automatically make a guy a good top. A considerate partner, big dong or not, will happily join you in exploring your asshole. He will concentrate on pleasing you first, because he knows that an investment in your anal pleasure today will reap a harvest of mutual pleasure tomorrow. (Coming soon! Dr. Dick’s tutorial for tops. Don’t miss it.)

So Ya Wanna Be A World-Class Cocksucker

…OR HOW TO GIVE THE PERFECT BLOW JOB

What’s up with the current lamentable state of cock sucking these days? Why, I can remember a time when the humble hummer was king. Now, sadly the basic blowjob is a lost art.

Dr. Dick is forever getting letters from all over, from both men and women, asking for his sage advice. Dear Dr. Dick, Help! I don’t now what it is, I can’t seem to get the hang of fellatio. FELLATIO? Are you serious? Keep referring to cock sucking like that and we’re gonna take away your adult card. And then there are the letters frombj-1.jpg disappointed aficionados of excellent head. Dear Dr. Dick, Help! My boyfriend sucks dick like a girl. He’s afraid to get down and dirty on my big old dick. Yeah, ain’t it a shame? Ya know, there are those who believe an expert cocksucker is born not make. Either you can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch or ya can’t. However, Dr. Dick believes anyone can become an adequate or even a superior cocksucker with a little will power and some ingenuity.

Let’s start with the basics. There’s no one best way to make oral love to a boner. No two cocksuckers do it exactly the same way, but all have one thing in common and that’s the desire to satisfy. Technique and position take a back seat to simply craving a 9167735.jpgcock in your mouth. We’re not talkin’ rocket science, girlfriend, it’s just a pecker and a mouth doin’ what comes natural. So if cock sucking is more work than fun, just give it up. Life is too short for a bad blowjob.

Begin by taking a good look at the object of your desire. A big stiff woody is a wonder to behold. And even those little willies can be cute as hell. Visually explore the whole enchilada. Feel it’s shape, its thickness and texture. Use your tongue to trace a line from his dick head down the underside of his shaft to his balls. If you’re lucky enough to be gobbling an uncut dick, draw back his foreskin and slop your tongue all around his corona. As you do, watch your man’s eyes roll back in his head in ecstasy.0213.jpg

Let his cock slide inside your mouth. Let your lips slide over the head and down the shaft a little, but, for god’s sake, watch out for your teeth! Slide your mouth down farther and open wider. Feel the stretch in your jaws. When his dick gets close to your throat, you may begin to gag. This is a normal reflex that you will, in time, be able to control. Ask for some feedback on your efforts. Just don’t talk with your mouth full.

There are lots of other things you can do with your mouth. Lick his dick, suck on it and flick your tongue rapidly across the top of his dick. Or you can simply move your mouth up and down his joystick. Dive into his crotch, lick his inner thighs, lower belly, and slobber all over his nuts. Keep your mouth wet, a thick wad of saliva will add to the pleasure and eliminate irritation. Don’t be afraid to be sloppy. Increase your speed or slow it down. Incorporate a little manual stimulation if ya’d like. Fondle and bj01.jpgcup his balls in your hand.

As your man approaches orgasm he will become more excited and may start some pelvic thrusting. If he does and you start to gag, use your hand to guide his dick in and out of your mouth. Remember that you’re the one in charge here. Encircle your lips firmly around his cock and over your teeth. Keep the other parts of your mouth as relaxed as possible (actual “sucking” is unnecessary at this point). Keeping a regular rhythm is nice, but don’t let it get boring. If you vary your position and your stroke you won’t get fatigued.

Remember practice makes perfect. Above all take the time you need to learn what works best for you.

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