Search Results: How To Be A Top

You are browsing the search results for how to be a top

More Play With It with Dr Kat Van Kirk — Podcast #288 — 07/06/11


Hey sex fans,

I’m so excited, because my friend and fellow sexologist, the de-lovely Dr Kat Van Kirk returns to Play With It. Ok, that sounds dirtier than I planned. Let me rephrase that; Dr Kat joins us for Part 2 of our conversation about what’s happinin’ in the adult and pleasure product marketplace, because this is the Play With It series, don’t cha know.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this delightful chat, which appeared here last week at this time did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive, right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #287 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Dr Kat and I discuss:

  • Being a conscientious, GREEN sex toy consumer;
  • Eco-friendly and body-friendly materials;
  • A tip for shopping online — look for customer reviews;
  • Rechargeable toys vs. battery operated;
  • Organic adult products;
  • Taking care of your sex toys;
  • Providing feedback to manufacturers and retailers;
  • Attending big industry trade shows;
  • Who inspires her and her sexual heroes.

Dr Kat invites you to visit her on her site HERE! Look for her on Facebook HERE! And enjoy her twitter feed HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Adult Sex Toys .com.

SEX TOYS

Hello Gorgeous!

Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday and we have the last of three pleasure objects we received from that wonderfully GREEN boutique manufacturing house in London, Made To Pleasure.

But wait! You haven’t missed any of the reviews in this series, have you? Well not to worry if you have, because there are archived on my site. Look for them HERE!

Today’s review is brought to you by Dr Dick Review Crew members Joy & Dixie.

The Ripple —— £50.00

Joy & Dixie
Joy: “Damn! It’s been over 6 months since we’ve posted a review. But we have an excuse; we’ve been on the road…again. As we’ve said before, we sometimes get fed up with our day jobs and just say fuck it. We hop in our RV and hit the road. It does a person good to simply get up and go see something of the world around her.”
Dixie: “But here’s the thing; despite our footloose wanderlust, we never leave home without the essentials. And for us that means sex toys. We picked up our traveling companion back in March, just before we left on our road trip.”
Joy: “And what a brilliant companion The Ripple turned out to be. We loves us some fancy dildos and this beautiful double-header deeply satisfies. For those unfamiliar with the term ‘double-header’, that just means you can insert either end.”
Dixie: “The operative word for me is ‘deeply’. The Ripple is just over 6” long and just under an inch and a half in diameter. It’s not too big, it’s not too small; it is just right! And since it doesn’t use batteries, nor does it plug-in, it is the perfect travel buddy.”
Joy: “And when I said fancy; I meant it! The Ripple is gorgeous. This is our first encounter with an insertable made out of acrylic (aka Lucite). It’s crystal clear, just like glass. But it’s much lighter. It also shares a lot of the other, more familiar properties of glass — waterproof, nonporous, phthalates-free, hypoallergenic and latex-free. You can use whatever kind of lube you want with The Ripple. And it cleans up as easily.”
Dixie: “Acrylic is another ideal material for a sharable toy. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. But you can sanitize it for sharing by wiping it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.”
Joy: “Both Dixie and I prefer a textured dildo. And in this regard The Ripple doesn’t disappoint. The wave, ribbed or rippled end is very nice for an in and out motion. And the bullet-shaped end is all about your G-spot. The Ripple comes packaged with a bullet vibe, but we thought that was a waste of time.”
Dixie: “Oh, and don’t forget that acrylic is dandy for sensation play. It can be chilled and warmed for extra sensations. I also want to comment about the packaging. The Ripple comes in an elegant embossed black matte gift box. Inside the box you’ll find The Ripple wrapped in black crêpe paper lying on a bed of black felt. It is tied in place with a black satin ribbon. It’s a totally stylish presentation, but all the components are biodegradable. Kudos to this boutique toy company for their GREEN outlook!”
Joy: “Speaking of made to pleasure. We’d be remiss if we didn’t tell you that this company will custom make any toy you design using their design tool on their website. How cool is that?”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Overcoming a Fear of Sex: A Step-By-Step Process

All phobias can be overcome with some effort. The same is true for conquering a fear of sex. Here, I walk a young gay man through his trepidation with anal sex. We take simple, easy to accomplish steps to build confidence and dispel his apprehensions.

I’m gay, I’m a virgin, and I think I may be afraid of sex. In all the porn I’ve seen, the bottom guy looks uncomfortable and in pain— why would I want that? I’ve only done anything sexual with one guy, and I was so anxious that I couldn’t even get it up. I liked the guy, he was hot, and I enjoyed all the foreplay type stuff, but I just couldn’t do anything else. Any advice on how to get over this?
Drew

First thing—don’t ever look to porn for your sex education; you’ll surely be misled. Second, that grimace you report seeing on the bottom’s face as he is being penetrated may be a grimace of pleasure, not pain. I think you may be projecting your own discomfort on the guys in the movies.

Let me tell you a little story. Recently I was strolling in the park with my dog. We were each, in our own way, enjoying the sights, sounds and smells of nature in its glory. As we walked along, we encountered a father and son who were deeply involved in what appeared to be the boy’s first lesson in riding a bicycle—sans training wheels. Despite the father’s patient encouragement, the kid couldn’t seem to get the hang of it. He’d start out okay, but just as soon as his dad let go of the bike, it would begin to wobble and the boy would eventually crash. There were plenty of tears, a skinned knee, and the boy’s fear and anxiety were thick enough to cut with a knife.

The boy was convinced that he couldn’t ride on his own. His defeatism became a self-fulfilling prophecy. He finally gave up, sat down on a bench, his bike in a tangle at his feet, and refused his father’s pleading to give it another try. In his mind, the bike was the enemy; another attempt would only hurt and humiliate, and so the lesson ended.

What the kid lacked was self-confidence, a sense of adventure and probably more importantly—balance. I wish I’d had the opportunity to suggest to the boy and his dad that they try another ploy. I wanted to say, “Set the bike aside and work on that balance thing first.” This would surely increase the boy’s confidence, and it wouldn’t cost a blow to his ego or his knee—and it would be fun.

I’d have suggested the dad start by helping the kid walk on curb, balancing himself as he went. Then the dad could increase the challenge to include balancing on one foot, then the other. Once the kid discovered the power within him to accomplish these tasks, the bike could be reintroduced. The father would assist the boy in drawing upon his skill in balancing on the curb to master balancing on his bike.

The same will be true for you, Drew. Sex is nothing to be afraid of. Rather, it is a skill that one learns. Some, obviously, take to it quicker than others, but everyone can learn a happy, healthy sexual repertoire that will build self-esteem and bring great pleasure.

I want you to start exploring and enjoying your bottom on your own. Like the kid in the park, you need to acquaint yourself with the powers that lie within you. He needed to find a sense of balance; you need to find the Big Old Butt Pirate within.

Most all of the discomfort in anal sex is associated with your sphincter muscle trying to resist whatever it is being inserted. When this muscle resists to the point of spasming, things can become very painful. So here’s what I want you to do.

  • Before you start playing with your hole—relax. Take a relaxing shower, a warm bath, and/or try some deep breathing exercises to center yourself.
  • Have a ready supply of a water-based lube handy. Silicone-based lubes are swell for these exercises too. However, this type of lube isn’t recommended for use with a condom.
  • Start with a little self-pleasuring. Stroke your dick with your lubed hand and get into your happy place.
  • Gradually slather some of that lube on to your balls and taint. With legs open, find your hole and play with your rosebud. Gently massage the area around your asshole, but don’t slide your fingers in just yet. Simply get used to the sensations at the opening of your ass.
  • Let your play include the tip of your finger entering your ass.
    If you do this while you’re stroking your cock, you will find that your hole will actually open and invite your finger. That’s the great thing about pleasuring one part of your body while learning to pleasure another.
  • Once you are comfortable with your fingertip inside, try pushing it in further and move it around a little. Try pushing it and pulling it out of your ass. You know, like finger-fucking yourself.
  • Locate your prostate. (It shouldn’t be hard to find if you’re all horned up.) It will feel smooth and hard, like a flat stone. Give it a nice gentle massage. If you’re still stroking your wood, don’t be surprised if this prostate massage gets you to ejaculate. In fact, you will find that your prostate actually enlarges a bit and becomes more firm just as you are about to shoot. As you jizz, you’ll notice that your sphincter muscle will tighten around your finger and pulsate with each squirt.

Continue these self-pleasuring exercises until you’re comfortable inserting a couple fingers in your ass. Then try a small vibrating dildo. In no time at all, you will be ready to jump on your bike and ride…so to speak.

With these exercises behind you—no pun intended—the first time you actually fuck with a partner will be the incredible experience it is meant to be. If you encounter any discomfort, you’ll know what to do: deep breathing to relax and priming your hole with a lubed finger or two.

  • First, attend to your personal hygiene. Make sure you’re clean inside. This will help you avoid an unsightly and embarrassing mishap that might mess up the big event.
  • Remember to take it slow. There’s no rushing pleasure. Remember, you’ll be the one in charge of what goes in your ass, when, and for how long.
  • Warm up with some foreplay, kissing, sucking, licking, rimming, touching and massaging.
  • Have condoms and plenty of lube near at hand.
  • While you’re warming up, start loosening up your ass with your lubed fingers, just as you did in your self-pleasuring exercises.
  • Once you’re comfortable, offer your ass to your partner. Have him replace your fingers with his own. Try some finger-fucking first.
  • After you’re relaxed and loose, lie on your side with your partner behind you. Have him slowly push his cock against your rosebud.
  • Try pushing out like you are trying to take a dump. This will help open up your sphincter for his entry.
  • As he enters you, have him stop so that you can breathe deeply. Give your ass the time it needs to adjust to the new sensations. If there’s pain or discomfort have your partner reverse course and go back to finger fucking before you proceed.
  • Make sure that your partner knows that if you ask him to stop, he will stop. Trust is essential.
  • As he fills you with his dick he will hit your prostate. This will send waves of pleasure through your body and signal your sphincter to open for even more.
  • You may find that you’ll even want to push your ass back to meet and engulf his cock.

By the time this happens you will happily discover that you are riding your bike all by yourself.

Good luck!

SEX WISDOM With Jo Langford — Podcast #282 — 06/01/11

Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

I have some more fantastic SEX WISDOM for you today. This is, of course, the series where I chat with researchers, educators, clinicians, pundits and philosophers who are helping us take a fresh look at our sexual selves. And this week I have a very special show in store for you.

What if I told you that there is an entire population of people in this country and abroad who are woefully underserved with regard to access to clear and unambiguous information about human sexuality? You’d be outraged, huh? But would you even know what demographic I’m talking about?

Well, in case ya don’t, my guest today is here to help wake you up, so to speak, about this very pressing need. I am proud to welcome a fellow Seattlite and a new friend, the exceptional Jo Langford.

He is a top-notch therapist, educator and author and his primary outreach is to teens and young adults. He is the first of my guests in this series who works primarily with kids and the information he is about to share is both revealing and startling. Listen; if you are a teenager or know someone who is, then you’ll not want to miss this show, sex fans.

Jo and I discuss:

  • His style of presenting to teens and their parents;
  • “The Talk”;
  • His background in forensic sexology;
  • Sexually precocious kids;
  • The sexual double standard for girls and boys;
  • The dearth of sex resources for young people;
  • Why parents avoid their role as primary sex educator;
  • His soon to be published book;
  • Kids getting their sex ed from porn;
  • What kind of information do kids really need;
  • Abstinence only programs;
  • No one’s addressing the sexual needs and concerns of gay and lesbian kids;
  • What young people think constitutes “sex”.

Jo invites you to visit him on his site HERE!  And be sure to follow him on Twitter HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Adam & Eve.com.

The Erotic Mind of Clayton Hibbert — Podcast #276 – 05/04/11

Hey sex fans,

I have another ridiculously wonderful program for you today. And it’s one of them twofer shows, don’t cha know. My guest, our conversation and the theme of this podcast easily falls into both the Sex EDGE-U-cation and The Erotic Mind series. I mean, who doesn’t like to get two bangs for his buck?

I’m delighted to welcome back a guest I had on my show last year at this time. At that time, he was the Artistic Director for the upcoming Seattle Erotic Art Festival. This year he’s the director of the whole shebang. Join me in welcoming a man of the hour, Clayton Hibbert.

Despite the fact that this world-class event is only days away and the demands on his time are exceptionally pressing; he agreed to sit down with me to discuss the festival, how it works, the gargantuan behind the scenes effort to mount this three-day extravaganza and what visitors to the festival can expect this year.

Clayton and I discuss:

  • The New SEAF Website;
  • What’s involved with being the Festival Director;
  • His fellow Directors and their contributions;
  • Learning from the feedback from last year’s festival;
  • This years theme — The Red Light District;
  • The Velvet Experience;
  • SEAF’s history;
  • The change in venue — FREMONT STUDIOS;
  • The different components of art — Visual, Short Film, Performance, Literary and Interactive;
  • The SEAF Workshop lineup.

 

Clayton invites you to visit the Seattle Erotic Art Festival website HERE!  Don’t hesitate; pick up your tickets today!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Adult Sex Toys .com.

SEX TOYS