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Hey, Where’s My Big “O”?

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Name: BJ
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Location: PA
I’ve been sexually active for several years now and have yet to reach an orgasm. Oral sex, intercourse nor masturbation have been effective. Is there something wrong with me, what might help?

I’d be very much surprised if there was actually something physically wrong with you. But you clearly have some difficulty letting go. And simply put, an orgasm is letting go of built up sexual tension.the big O

Lot of preorgasmic women don’t feel entitled to an orgasm, for one reason or another. Other women are simply unversed on how to make the big “O” happen in their own fine self. Sometimes it’s a combination of both resistance and a lack of know how.

I once had a client, a woman in her late 30’s, the mother of three and a devote Catholic. She was preorgasmic too. Her big stumbling block was fear. You got it; fear of having an orgasm. She had heard from other women over the years how powerful orgasms were and how much fun they were. My client somehow got it in her head that if she were to ever let go and give up that long-awaited screamin’ meme, her entire world would collapse. She’d become a sex addict, neglect her children, divorce her husband and turn her back on God…the whole enchilada.

With that kind of mindset, this little lady wasn’t gonna let herself cum no how.

the big O 2I had to reassure her that, as delightful as orgasms are, they are not like crack cocaine. I told her there was no chance that she’d fly to pieces as a mother, wife and friend of Jesus if she were to diddle herself once in a while. I had to keep repeating this over and over till it finally sank in. You talk about hardheaded! In the end, she had her precious orgasm, joined the ranks for the sexually satisfied and lived happily ever after. …Well, I can’t honestly say about the happily ever after part, but she sure did smile a whole lot more afterwards.

Back to you BJ, I don’t suppose there’s any way you could have one of your gal-pals show you how it’s done, is there? The reason I ask is most guys learn how to choke the chicken by watching, or being instructed by another guy. Us men folk are really good about doin that for one another. Women, on the other hand, don’t seem to do this for one another as much. Which is a freakin’ pity, if ya ask me.

If you can’t (or won’t) get a pal to show you around proper pussy pleasuring, I have another suggestion for you. Mozie on over to DR DICK’S HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY  and check out a swell instructional video. (There’s a link to this marvelous resource in the header.) Do a quick search for “female masturbation” and let the experts show you a thing or two. You’ll be so glad you did.

Another great resource: The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime by the brilliant Mikaya Heart. By the way, you can find a dynamite two-part interview with Mikaya HERE and HERE!ultimate-guide-to-orgasm-for-women-lg

Here are a few tips:

Get in the mood

Relax as much as you can. Whatever that means for you. Take a warm bath or have a glass of wine. Ensure your privacy: turn off the phone, lock the door for privacy from roommates, kids, whoever. Find a comfy position. Most women start out lying on their backs, legs bent and spread apart, with feet on the ground. Remove most or all of your clothing (or as much as your comfortable with).

Explore your body

Run your hands along your body, lingering along areas that are more responsive to touch than others. If you’re able to do it, and you’ve never done it before, you might want to try to look at your genitals in a mirror. Because so many women are raised with negative messages about their bodies, and particularly their genitals, being able to see while you touch can be powerful and surprising. Find and touch your inner and outer labia, your clitoris, your vagina and your perineum.

Touch yourself

Using one or two fingers, rhythmically stroke the different parts of your vulva, paying particular attention to your clitoris and labia. Experiment with different types of pressure, speed and motion. Try placing a finger on either side of the clitoris and stroking up and down, or placing two fingers on the clitoral hood and rubbing in a circular motion.

Experiment

Try different types of touch: stroke, tickle, knead, pinch, or lightly pull your genitals. Try using one or several fingers, the palm of your hand, even your knuckles.

Build up excitement

Learn to hold onto sexual excitement by building up and then reducing or temporarily stopping the stimulation. (Men do this all the time when they jack-off.  It’s called edging.) Pay attention to how your body is responding. It will tell you the particular stroke that feels best and when to pick up or slow down the tempo.

Don’t forget to breathe

Many women hold their breath as they get excited. Be mindful of your breath and learn to play with breathing during arousal. Try to breathe deeply rather than hold your breath. This can help release the sexual energy, rather than fight it.

Moving a little

In addition to often holding our breath, many women tense up and don’t move much at all when wtheye masturbate. This might work for you just fine, but if you haven’t explored movement, it’s worth a try. Moving while you are getting turned on, and moving during orgasm can change the way you experience pleasure in your body. For some women this means rocking their pelvis. For others it means moving their legs or torso side to side. Find what movement works for you and then intentionally start doing it while you masturbate.

Letting go

If your hand gets tired, give yourself a rest, switch hands, or try a vibrator. If you’re on the brink of orgasm, but can’t quite get over the hump, try to become more conscious of your breathing, give yourself extra stimulation: caress your nipples, or try thrusting your other fingers or a dildo in and out of your vagina.

Ride the Wave

As you begin to orgasm, continue the stimulation through the orgasm. Lighten up on the stimulation during the first extremely sensitive moments but keep it going to enjoy those little pleasurable aftershocks. Your first orgasm may feel like a blip or a blast, but the more you practice, the more variety you will experience.

Fantasizing

Sexual fantasy can be a double edged sword when it comes to masturbation. If you have trouble getting yourself in the mood or getting over the top, a hot fantasy may be just the ticket. I often suggest reading erotica to get in the mood. However, when we fantasize some of our attention is taken away from what’s happening in our bodies in the moment. Sometimes what is getting in the way of us enjoying masturbation is that distance from our bodies. It’s good to try everything, but be mindful of whether or not your fantasies are acting as an enhancer or a distraction.

hitachi-magic-wand-2Some final thoughts…
Vibrators take some of the manual labor out of masturbation by providing direct, intense physical stimulation to the clitoris.  check out all the marvelous vibrators we’ve reviewed for you at Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews.

Many women learn to jill-off in the bath or shower. A direct the stream of water on your vulva and clitoris can be a game changer. Vary the pressure, the pulsation, and the temperature. Alternate methods: slide your butt over the drain so your legs are up in the air and your genitals are up under the tub faucet (rather awkward but do-able for some), or use Jacuzzi jets.

Rub against something–a pillow, the corner of some furniture, a washing machine in operation.

Dildos can be a pleasurable accompaniment to clitoral masturbation, as they offer the fullness of penetration and can also stimulate the g-spot.

Write back again, BJ, and let me know how things go. If you’re not successful, I still have a few other tricks up my sleeve.

Good luck

The Little Engine That Could

Name: Terri
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Location: ND
I’m having a problem with knowing when I am feeling an orgasm. I feel like I have to fake it around my husband because I am unsure. Sometimes when I’m alone I just feel like I have to go to the bathroom so I stop myself and then other times I feel like my legs are paralyzed but that’s it. I don’t ever feel like I’m sexually stimulated. Just tired. Any ideas as to what I am doing or not doing or what might be causing it?

I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that your are, what we in the business call, preorgasmic. My experience tells me that if you’ve actually had an orgasm, you’d know it. All the symptoms you list — feel like you have pee; feel like your legs are paralyzed; or just plain exhausted, don’t sound orgasmic to me.

clitoral anatomyI can’t actually say I know what you are doing wrong, if anything. You don’t really go into detail on how you pleasure yourself. But I will hazard a guess as to what is causing this. And that would be inadequate stimulation to your pleasure centers.

Even in this day and age where sexually laden messages abound in the popular culture, there are still some women, even young women, who are unversed about orgasms in general and how they could go about getting one for themselves in particular.

Orgasms don’t always come easily for some women, and that’s a fact. I suppose there are as many reasons for this as there are preorgasmic women. A woman’s pleasure center (her clit) is more subtle and less obvious than a man’s raging boner. Women are socialized about sexuality — even nowadays — in a much different way then men are. Men have more cultural permissions to be sexually adventuresome than do women. And if the truth be told, us men folk, — we don’t need no stinkin’ permission to get our self off!clit

The basic formula for achieving an orgasm is acquainting yourself with your pussy. Map out all the points of interest. Find out what feels good, and repeat it. The object of this first step is not to stress about having an orgasm it’s all about reconnecting with your cunt.

The more you know about this marvelous part of you the better you’re gonna be at slammin yourself a screamin’ meme when the time comes. Knowing your way around your pussy is also gonna be helpful in partnered sex, especially if your partners are men.

The first part of this exercise is called a self-sexological exam. Get a hand mirror and find a really detailed diagram of female genitalia on the internet. Using the diagram as a guide, work at familiarizing yourself and making friends with your pussy. Once you are certain you know all the parts, I want you to do a detailed touch test. I want you to test for sensitivity very square inch of your body from your asshole to your navel. I want you to draw pictures of your own cunt and surrounding area, then color them to represent the levels of sensitivity — red being the hottest and most pleasurable areas to blue being the more neutral areas and all the colors in-between. I encouraged you to try this exercise with both a wet hand and a dry hand. I suggest a nice personal lubricant for your wet hand exploration. Spend at least 30 minutes a day for three consecutive days on this home-play. You have a lot of reacquainting to do, don’t cha know. And this is private time; your partner(s) is not invited.

hitachi-magic-wandThe next step in your home-play will include a vibrator. If you don’t already have one, shop for one. There are plenty of suggestions for vibes on my product reviews site: DrDickSexToyReviews.com. (There’s a vast array of pleasure products on that site and all the guesswork has been eliminated. The Dr Dick Review Crew painstakingly reviewed each product so that you’ll be able to see what’s hot and what’s not.)

Now using the pictures you created of your genitals in part one of this exercise, I want you to kick-start that vibrator, throw it into first gear and start making small lazy circles around the blue areas, and work your way to the bright red areas. Do this privately for 30 minutes for three consecutive days or until there was a breakthrough.

The next step is masturbation. You may have tried it before without success, that’s ok. This time you’ll be better informed about all the hot spots of your cooch that you learned in step one. I’m a big fan of full body masturbation. So while you’re diddlin’ yourself spread the sexual energy all over your body — tits, ass, feet, mouth, whatever.Aloe Cadabra

Vary your technique: stroke, pinch, pat, massage, and rub yourself all over. Vary your breathing, gyrate your hips, listen to sexy music, rent some porn, watch yourself in a mirror, or throw in some Kegel exercises. Try a wet hand. Play with yourself in the bath. Hell, dance around naked with a jewel in your navel…whatever it takes.

Many women experience their first orgasm with the help of a vibrator. I encourage you to be adventuresome and experiment with one too. Try a dildo or another sex toy.

Be sure to keep a journal during this exploratory period. This will help you later to bridge the gap in communicating with your partner(s).

Finally, Terri, I want to turn you on to a fantastic website, www.Clitical.com. This is a one-stop shop for all things relating to female sexuality.

Good luck

Hits The Spot

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday once again. And today we bring you a second product from that innovative Canadian company, BodiSpa.

But wait! You didn’t miss our first BodiSpa review, did you? Well not to worry if you did, because you can find it and all our reviews on DrDickSexToyReviews.com. Use the search function in the header, type in “The Almighty” and VOILÀ!

Today Dr Dick Review Crew member, Angie is here with her thoughts and comments on her new massager.

The Ultimate —— $69.95

Angie
Hello everyone! This is only my second review so far this year. My previous review posted last February. My, how time flies. Those of you who follow my reviews will, no doubt, be expecting an update on how I’m doing. For those unfamiliar with my situation, here’s the back-story. I was diagnosed with lymphoma over two years ago. I first mentioned this in a review I posted on April 27th, 2012.

I’ve had a few setbacks recently, nothing major, but just enough to remind me that I’m still livingUltimate-Massager1 through the cancer and the truly horrible interventions that are supposedly keeping me alive. My libido ebbs and flows and I’ve made my peace with that. I don’t suppose I’ll ever get back to the way I once enjoyed my sexuality and the sexual connection I had with my husband. But as Dr Dick keeps telling me, it’s best that I focus on the new normal; what is possible for me now as opposed to how things were, in even the recent past. That’s pretty sage advice for us all, don’t you think?

Today I happily bring you my review of a marvelous wand-type massager, The Ultimate. I read with great interest the review, my fellow Review Crew members, Kevin and Gina, posted of their BodiSpa massager, The Almighty. I thought to myself, wow, wouldn’t that be a nice to have. I loved the idea of a massager that had both a warming and cooling capability. Then I reconsidered my envy. I couldn’t handle such a big and heavy massager. Heck, nowadays I sometimes have a difficult time maneuvering my trusty Hitachi.  Sometimes I simply don’t have the strength.

However my new more diminutive massager, The Ultimate, is not only the perfect size for me, it is amazingly light. Despite being 10 1/2″ tall it weighs in at just over seven ounces. What a godsend. Now I can once again enjoy the power of a wand-type massager without the heft generally associated with those behemoths.

The thing is, when I first removed The Ultimate from its attractive box, I though to myself, oh dear, it’s so light, it can’t possibly deliver the intense vibrations I’m used to. Happily, I was wrong about that. This massager has two speeds and both deliver substantial vibration. I wonder how they packed so much power into such a handily handy thing.

Ultimate-Zoomed-inThe next best feature is The Ultimate has an adjustable head. It has an adjustment button three quarters up the handle that allows me to angle the vibrating head in three different positions. This is such a brilliant feature that, now that I’m used to it, I wonder how I ever lived without. No more struggling to get the vibe precisely where I want it. What a treat!

The Ultimate is also cordless. That’s right it’s rechargeable. It’s like BodiSpa read my mind. Even in my healthy days, I used to hate being tethered to an outlet. My trusty Hitachi is grand, but I would inevitably get all tangled in the cord or move to a position beyond the cord’s reach.

The controls are in the handle. The Ultimate has an easy to use slide control with three positions — off, low and high. The traditional shaped head is made of latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. It features four different surfaces — ribbed, nubby, smooth and bumpy. And if that weren’t enough the head flexes for even more comfort.

I mentioned earlier that my libido isn’t what it used to be, but The Ultimate isn’t only for self-pleasuring, it massages away my cares and woes and aches and pains, which I seem to have more and more of these days, in the most efficient manner.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Tease and Tickle

Hey sex fans!

It’s not just a Friday; it’s a Product Review Friday. And today we bring you a review of another product that comes to us from our favorite retailer — Adult Sex Toys .com.

Here to tell us all about her new vibrator is Dr Dick Review Crew member, Jada.

Crystal Chic Wand — $36.45

Jada

You’ve probably noticed that the Dr Dick Review Crew has had a number of wand type massagers to review lately. All of them have been a variation on the granddaddy of wand massagers, the Hitachi. All have that distinctive bulbous head on a sturdy shaft. This classic wand shape is turned on its head with today’s offering, the Crystal Chic Wand.

There is nothing bulbous or bulky about this dandy. In fact, it is on the other end of that spectrum. It’s slim and sleek. It has comfortable to hold handle, a bendable shaft made up of gradually smaller beads and it’s topped of by a glorified bullet vibe. It’s 11.5” long, but only 7″ of that is the bendable beaded section. By the way, it’s just the tip of the Crystal Chic Wand that vibrates.

The three-speed controller, basically just a single button, is in the base of the handle. The handle is also studded with six crystals (rhinestones?). It’s also waterproof. The entire thing has a lovely velvety feel to it and it is easy to grip even with lubed fingers. It operates on one AA battery (not included).

I was completely under whelmed at first sight. The Crystal Chic Wand comes in a cheesy plastic package that is decidedly un-GREEN. I was all prepared to not like this thing, but I gave it a go anyhow. Sure glad I did, because I liked it immediately. Once out of its ugly packaging I discovered that the Crystal Chic Wand is really fun and versatile. I admit; my first impressions were totally wrong.

You can use the Crystal Chic Wand either internally or externally. I have a preference for external; it’s just the thing on my clit. I did try it as a G-spot vibe and that worked too. What’s great about it internally is that it’s not bulky, so you can pinpoint the vibration precisely where you want it. I tried to talk my husband into trying it as a prostate massager. The vibrating tip is no wider than my index finger. But he declined; he’s not ready for even a little butt play yet. That was disappointing, because I know he’d enjoy it. So you see what I mean when I called the Crystal Chic Wand versatile.

I want to call your attention to the bendable feature, because this was my favorite part. You can shape it however you want and it will hold that shape. BRILLIANT! The battery compartment in the handle is easy to open and close. Just remember to tighten it securely to keep the Crystal Chic Wand waterproof. I used the vibe for over 6 hours on just one battery, which is pretty amazing. If I have one complaint it’s that it’s not very quiet, particularly on the medium and high speeds.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Baby I’m Yours

Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday and we welcome back the good people at BodyWand.  We have two more of their products to tell you about today. But wait, you didn’t miss their first appearance in this review effort did you? Well not to worry if you did, because you can find our first review HERE!

Today’s reviews are brought to you by Dr Dick Review Crew members — Ken & Denise.

BodyWand Mini Pink —— $21.89
BodyWand Plug-in Blue —— $81.29

Ken & Denise
Denise: “We’ve decided to review these two BodyWand vibes together because they are so much alike, design wise that is. Both are wand-type massagers, but one is teeny tiny and the other is giant.”
Ken: “When we picked up the massagers from Dr Dick, Denise and I had to chuckle because the BodyWand Plug-in is three times the size of the BodyWand Mini. I said that the BodyWand Mini looked like a Barbie Doll accessory.”
Denise: “And I said the BodyWand Mini reminded me of the joke about the lesbian who had to kick start her vibrator.”
Ken: “Denise and I both really like a wand-type massager because of their versatility. All share a similar design; a rounded head, attached to a stalk-like neck that is attached to the body of the massager. Some are cordless (rechargeable), some plug-in and some run on batteries. The two vibes we have today are examples of the plug-in variety and the battery operated variety. BodyWand also makes a rechargeable model, which was reviewed here last month.  See that review HERE!”
Denise: “Both of these massagers have dial-type controls; the controller on the BodyWand Mini is in its base and the controller on the BodyWand Plug-in is, obviously, on its body. A dial control allows for more variation in the speed and intensity of the vibration and, to my mind, it beats a simple on/off or a high/low speed switch.”
Ken: “The BodyWand Plug-in is akin to the granddaddy of wand-type massagers, the Hitachi Magic Wand.  It’s just over a foot long, runs on electricity, plugs into an A/C outlet in your wall and is the most powerful type of massager there is. It delivers consistent vibration and you’ll never have to worry about replacing batteries or recharging it. Of course it also means you are tethered to the wall by a cord, but this one has a nice long cord, about four feet long. The body of the BodyWand Plug-in features a easy-grip textured surface, which makes it easy to hold even with lubed fingers.”
Denise: “The BodyWand Mini, on the other hand, is only 4” long, features some decorative rhinestones on the base and is powered by 6 LR 44 watch batteries. Just between you and me; I hate fiddling around with those tiny watch batteries, but I’m happy to report that the BodyWand Mini come with the batteries already installed. You just have to remember to remove the clear plastic dot that covers the batteries before you use it for the first time. And the battery compartment is easy to open. The motor produces an intense buzz-type vibration on the highest setting. This is very different from the deep rumbling vibration you get with the BodyWand Plug-in.”
Ken: “The BodyWand Mini is adorable, but packs a punch. The BodyWand Plug-in is a workhorse and will never let you down. Both are amazingly quiet.”
Denise: “I’ve taken to slipping the BodyWand Mini into my purse for those emergency jilling-off sessions. I’ve used it in the bathroom at work and during my commute to and from work. You’d be surprised how tolerable a traffic jam can be when you’re distracted with a mini vibe like this.”
Ken: “I dig the BodyWand Plug-in. At first I started using it on my sore shoulders after a long hot shower. I’ve been doing some intense workouts at the gym lately. So there I was lying on our bed with just a towel around my waste. Before long the vibration on my shoulders traveled down my spine and, like magic, I started to get a woodie. I absentmindedly moved the vibe to between my legs and just under my nuts. The sensations were unbelievable. In no time at all I was beating my meat like it owed me money. I shot a wad on my freshly showered chest and I discover that my shoulders didn’t ache as much as before. It’s miraculous.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

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