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SEX WISDOM With Carol Queen — Podcast #266 — 03/02/11

Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

Holy cow, I’m giddy with excitement today, because I have an extraordinary show in store for you. We have an audience with the Queen. …ahh, no not that one, you silly geese. I’m talking about my colleague, Carol Queen, the sexologist, writer, speaker, educator, activist and I’m gonna add to that list — national treasure.

But wait; that’s not all! This show is a twofer, don’t cha know. My guest, our conversation and the themes discussed in this podcast easily fall into both the SEX WISDOM series and the Play With It series.

Carol is, of course, one of the movers and shakers in the field of human sexuality; who is making news and helping us take a fresh look at our sexual selves. She’s also a prominent figure in the adult products marketplace; helping reshape that industry as well.

Carol and I discuss:

  • Being a sexological over-achiever;
  • Founding one of the first gay/lesbian youth groups in the nation;
  • Sexual orientation, affectional choices and gender;
  • Bisexuality – the space between the binaries;
  • The altering effect of strap-on sex;
  • Removing the stigma of sex;
  • Orgasm Inc.;
  • Being one of the staff sexologists at Good Vibrations;
  • Sex toy health concerns;
  • The impact of sexologists in the adult products marketplace;
  • Truth in advertising.

Carol invites you to visit her on her site HERE!  She has a monthly column in the Good Vibrations Magazine HERE!  She’s on Facebook HERE! And enjoy her twitter feed HERE!

(For a little icing on this already marvelous cake, enjoy some videos featuring Carol.)


BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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The Root of Our Discomfort

Name: Maya
Gender:
Age: 28
Location: UK
Hi there! I recently found out that my brother in law is gay. I wanted to know what makes people gay? Is it choice, genes, hormones, etc? Please clarify because his condition and opposition to his choice of sexuality has made him depressed and he’s on antidepressants and not very healthy. Please answer.

Back in 2007 Solon.com featured a little piece called: Don’t Ask the Sexperts in their annual sex issue: State of the Sexual Union. Slate asked seven people who earn their livings thinking and writing about sex, what they’ve never been able to figure out about sex or sexuality.

One of the contributors was Dr. Ruth Westheimer. She’s the author of 31 books about sex and relationships. This what she said still remained a mystery to her.

“I’m sure there are many, but one nagging one is what causes homosexuality. I admit, I am curious—but the real importance in getting to the bottom of this question is that the answer would be helpful to the homosexual community. I suspect that the cause is genetic, which would mean all those people who say that gays and lesbians can change to become heterosexual would have to sing another tune. Instead of trying to “fix” a situation that doesn’t require fixing, they would have to learn to accept homosexuals. But I am not a scientist, so I can’t set about finding out the etiology, the cause of homosexuality. All I can do is act as a cheerleader to encourage scientists to come up with the answer.”

I was astounded when I read Dr Ruth’s comment. Here is one of the most popular names in the field of human sexuality saying such a startling thing. It’s not that she misrepresented the state of scientific inquiry into the issue of sexual orientation. What she said is true. We don’t precisely know what “causes” homosexuality, but more importantly…and this is what she leaves out…we haven’t a clue what “causes” any sexual orientation — straight, gay, bi, what have you.

What troubled me so about Dr Ruth’s comment is that, perhaps inadvertently, she perpetuates the myth that homosexuality (as opposed to say heterosexuality) has a cause. And when she uses the word “cause”, she denotes to her audience that there’s a cure. All I want to say is that if there’s a “cause” for homosexuality, there is certainly a “cause” for heterosexuality. If there would ever be a “cure” for homosexuality, there would certainly then be a “cure” for heterosexuality.

Do you see how obvious and pervasive the prejudices of the dominant culture are? I absolutely expected better from old Dr Ruth, don’t cha know. It’s true that she goes on to say that she thinks the “cause” of homosexuality is genetic, therefore us homos can’t change or be “fixed”. She then suggests, if this IS the case, the dominant culture would then simply have to learn how to accept homosexuals for how they are. I went, HUH???

Dr Ruth, darling, do you honestly believe that if, or more properly, when we discover the determining factors of sexual orientation — and I do believe there are more than one — the sexual bigots among us won’t militate to have the deviant orientations “fixed”? All I can say is to think otherwise shows an alarming naivety about human nature.

When Dr Ruth, or anyone else for that matter, separates out one sexual proclivity from all the others and suggests that it has a cause, whatever it might be, the rest of us run for cover and wait for the other shoe to drop. Imagine if instead of sexual orientation we were speaking about racial or ethnic characteristics. What causes black people? What causes Asian eyes to slant? What causes flat noses? What causes nappy hair? What causes short people?

Well you see where I’m going with this, right Maya? Questions like these presuppose that there is a norm — tall white people with round eyes, perky noses and straight hair. And you know what? There are a multitude industries out there poised to prey upon all the short, non-white people with almond eyes flat noses and nappy hair who feel they must conform to any and all arbitrary and culturally induced norms in order to be happy. It’s shocking.

So on to your brother’s case. If sexual orientation is chosen, why would he have embraced a lifestyle that makes him sick and depressed? It simply doesn’t add up. The self-hatred and internalized homophobia that is at the root of your brother’s discomfort is culturally induced, but it is also self-inflicted. We don’t know what “cause” homosexuality, but I can tell you for certain what causes homophobia. And that, my dear, is bigotry.

It’s up to your bother to fight this first within himself and then in the popular culture with every ounce of his strength. Because that’s what all us well adjusted, comfortable in our own skin queers do if we want to live happy healthy integrated lives. None of us is waiting around for someone to tell us what caused us to be the way we are, because we know that whatever “caused” us caused all the other differences and variations that appear in human kind.

And one final tip for you, Maya — despite your good intentions, the more you indulge your brother’s pathologies and commiserate with him, or wonder aloud with him why he is queer then you are part of the problem, as opposed to being part of the solution. I encourage you to challenge him to buck up and get right with himself. Help him throw off the yoke of his shame and guilt, to own and embrace his uniqueness and celebrate his sexuality, which is his norm.

Good luck

More of The Erotic Mind of Johnny Murdoc — Podcast #256 — 01/17/11


Hey sex fans!  Welcome back.

We’re back with more of The Erotic Mind of Johnny Murdoc. This is Part 2 of his appearance on this show.

Ya know, I heard from so many people since last Monday who told me how much they enjoyed last week’s show. The common thread to all the comments was how refreshing and inspiring it was to listen to this young man speak about his craft. I totally agree. In fact, I am of the mind that if the up and coming generation of erotica writers are as thoughtful and reflective as Johnny, then the future of the genre is in pretty good hands.

I’m also happy to report that Johnny shares another delicious morsel of the fruit of his Erotic Mind. This week it’s an entire story from start to finish and it’s fewer than 1000 words. It is not to be missed, sex fans!

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this delightful conversation, which appeared here last week at this time did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #254 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Johnny and I discuss:

  • Blowjob the zine;
  • Direct to consumer smut;
  • The changing face of erotica publishing;
  • The e-publishing revolution pros and cons;
  • Writing and maintaining a web presence;
  • His creative process;
  • The necessary focus he needs to write;
  • The social responsibility inherent in sex writing;
  • His inspirations and his sexual heroes.

For more of Johnny, be sure to visit him on his site HERE! You can also find him on Facebook and Twitter HERE and HERE.

(Click on the thumbnails below to get more information about these volumes.)


BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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Seattle Erotic Art Festival, 2011

Big news, sex fans!

The ninth annual Seattle Erotic Art Festival, to be held May 20-22, 2011 at Fremont Studios is now now accepting art submissions.  (Click on the banner below for further information.)

  • The Call for Visual Art is open January 1-31, 2011. The Festival sells more art than any other erotic art festival, has low submission fees, and competitive commission rates. Artists may submit up to five works of erotic art of any medium. Sculptors, multimedia artists and painters are particularly encouraged to apply. The 2011 jury consists of art historian Gene Burt; artist and collector Steve Jensen; sex-positive activist and deputy director of Gay City, Peter Jabin; and the last jurors are in the process of being confirmed.
  • The Call for Short Film/Video is open January 1 – February 28, 2011. No other major erotic art festival has a film component, and this year film will be a main attraction, presented at Fremont Studios in a modern 50-seat movie theater. Filmmakers are encouraged to submit up to three works, each up to 30 minutes in length. The Erotic Short Film Exhibition is curated by Three Dollar Bill Cinema (producer of the Seattle Gay & Lesbian Film Festival and the Seattle Transgender Film Festival). The jury will consist of a Three Dollar Bill Cinema review panel and the Seattle Erotic Art Festival Director.
  • The Call for Installation Art is open January 1 – February 15, 2011. Installation art is extremely popular at the Festival, and artists enjoy significant notoriety as a result of media and audience reviews. Additionally, the Festival is continuing to offer its grant for interactive visual artists; selected artists will be granted up to $750 to create works of art that feature a participatory element and encourage the audience to become part of the art. Installations are selected by a Festival Curatorial Team. There is no fee for installation submissions.
  • The Call for Literary Art is open January 1 – February 15, 2011. This is the third year of the Literary Art Exhibition, featuring work from poets, playwrights and authors from across the country. Selected works are exhibited through live readings and on the printed page. Artists may submit 5 pieces. The jury consists of Lydia Swartz, who generates one of the most extensive spoken word calendars for the Seattle area; Dobbie Reese Norris, who is the originator and host of and contributor to one of the longest running reading series in Seattle: Third Tuesdays Poets and Writers; Eileen Fix, a Tacoma Distinguished Writers selection and founder of the Little Red Studio Poetry Posse; and Victor David Sandiego, prize-winning poet and former editor of the Washington Poets Association.

DON’T MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY TO JOIN ARTISTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FOR THIS WORLD CLASS EVENT!

The Erotic Mind of Johnny Murdoc — Podcast #254 — 01/10/11

Hey sex fans, welcome back!

Today we launch the 2011 edition of The Erotic Mind podcast series. This is the longest running of the four interview series currently underway here on my site. Since it’s inception back in early September 2008 we’ve had an opportunity to meet dozens of brilliant visual and literary erotic artists. It’s astonishing that every artist I interview has something unique to reveal about of the creative process involved with this specialized art form. I truly love interviewing these ingenious people. And judging from your comments, I guess you do too.

This week’s show takes us to the wilds of St Louis, MO, don’t cha know, where we meet an exceptionally talented young man who is making his mark as a sex writer. I have the pleasure of welcoming Johnny Murdoc. And you should note that this is his very first interview.

While researching Johnny and his work for this show, I discovered, to my great delight, that he is a wonderfully old fashioned kinda guy and he is a man with a conscience. He contributes to the world of erotic art on several different fronts — fiction for sure, but also erotic comics and his marvelous nonfiction sex writing that is both thought provoking and stirs the soul.

Johnny and I discuss:

  • Writing under a nom de plume;
  • Writing as a kid;
  • His work at Sex Positive St Louis;
  • The therapeutic nature of reading erotica aloud;
  • The back-story of his comic, Crash Course;
  • Class Comics;
  • The difference between illustrated erotica and written prose erotica.

I also prevail upon Johnny to share with us two selections of the fruit of his Erotic Mind. And he amiably agrees to read from his contribution to The Best Gay Erotica, 2011.

For more of Johnny, be sure to visit him on his site HERE!  You can also find him on Facebook and Twitter HERE and HERE.

(Click on the thumbnails below to get more information about these volumes.)


BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Fleshlight & FleshJack.