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Super-Size Me

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Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday again and I have a unique presentation for you today. Many months ago our friends at sex toy.com sent me a penis enlargement kit called Andro Penis and asked me to review it. This would certainly be a daunting task because it would take at several months of devoted use to effectively test this product. I would also have to find a willing Dr Dick Review Crew member to join me in this effort.

I put out an SOS message to all the men on the Review Crew asking for volunteers. I explained the extraordinary commitment this review would take. And asked if there might be at least one Review Crew member stalwart enough to subject himself and his cock to at least sixteen weeks of traction in the Andro Penis. You see, this instrument is placed over the penis and worn for four or nine hours a day for four to six months.

Not surprisingly, I got only one positive reply from my inquiry. Dr Dick Review Crew member, Carlos, said he’d be up to the task; all in the name of science and possibly a bigger dick.

Andro Penis —— $203.06

Dr Dick & Carlos
Dr Dick: “Before Carlos and I begin our discussion, I want to direct your attention to three postings I’ve made concerning penis enlargement. Historical Views On Cock Size, First Penis Enlargement Methods and Devices and Pumps and Pumps Effects On Penis Size.  These three articles will hopefully put today’s discussion in context.”
Carlos: “Yeah, Dr Dick asked me to read through all these columns before I accepted his invitation to join him in reviewing the Andro Penis. I think I should also mention that every since I was a teenager I’ve been embarrassed about the size of my cock. People tell me that I have nothing to be ashamed about, that my cock is average sized, but that never seemed to make my desire for a bigger penis go away.”
Dr Dick: “Yes, I’m afraid it’s precisely men like Carlos, here, that often fall prey to the unscrupulous people who market dubious enlargement devices, pills and creams.”
Carlos: “Yep, that would be me. I’ve been gullible enough to plunk down hard-earned money on a half-dozen enlargement schemes. All have been a disappointment. I guess that’s why I volunteered for this project. I knew it wouldn’t cost me any money, and there was the chance that the Andro Penis, what with all the medical jargon on their site, might actually work.”
Dr Dick: “Indeed, the Andro Penis website is loaded with scientific studies touting its efficacy. There’s even a page on their site filled with doctors and their endorsements of the product. Yet, upon closer inspection, the physician statements are mostly generic. Each speaks of tissue expansion by way of stretching, or in this case, traction.”
Carlos: “I already know about this because I’ve been stretching my earlobes for a couple of years.”
Dr Dick: “That’s right! People have been stretching body parts as a means of adornment for just about as long as we’ve had body parts to stretch.”
Carlos: “The Andro Penis is a medical looking apparatus that uses traction to stretch your penis. Ya have to wear on your dick for hours on end, every day, for up to six months. I promised Dr Dick that I would be able to handle this kind of commitment and that I was motivated to give this a try. The enlargement kit comes in a handsome case, which contains the stretching device, loads of extra parts, an instructional DVD, and booklet with written instructions in 27 languages. The booklet also helps you track your progress.”
Dr Dick: “Once I was confident Carlos understood the commitment I turned over the kit and sent him on his way. I told him that I wanted to hear from him at least once a month for an update.”
Carlos: “Ok, so you should know that the Andro Penis is pretty simple to attach to your cock. There’s a ring that fits down around the base of your cock with two metal rods attached to it on either side. These two metal rods attach to another part where your dick-head fits into this kind of noose. And then you just tighten it till there’s the desired tension. I know it sounds super uncomfortable, but it wasn’t that bad. At least it wasn’t at first. And then every seven days you attach these little extenders to the end of each of the metal rods. This is what causes your dick to stretch. The longer you wear the thing and the more extenders you use is supposed to determine how big your unit will get. The kit recommended that I wear the device for nine hours a day. That’s a lot! You can take breaks, if you need to, but the whole idea is to keep up the traction for a total of six months.”
Dr Dick: “That’s precisely the thing I wanted Carlos to report to me about. Would he be able to sustain that kind of commitment and endure that kind of discomfort just to grow his dick bigger?”
Carlos: “Actually, it wasn’t all that uncomfortable to start with, but it does feel really weird. Like any novelty, I was gung ho for the first few weeks. I mostly wore the Andro Penis in the evening and at night. I couldn’t wear it during the day at work, that’s for certain. It creates this very unsightly bulge in your pants. So I was sure I would never go out of the house with it on. Of course, just wearing it in the evening didn’t allow for the proper amount of wearing time. I had to start wearing it while I slept. My wife didn’t like this at all!”
Dr Dick: “I was pretty certain that finding the required number of hours a day, every day, would be a super challenge. And as Carlos suggests, the Andro Penis will no doubt get in the way of a relationship.”

Carlos: “True! And then there’s the issue of taking a piss. You have to free your cock from the contraption every time you need to pee. And don’t even think about gettin a boner with this thing in place. By the second month I was dreading my daily dick straightjacket. I began to resent having to abuse my cock like this. I cursed myself for not loving the beautiful cock God gave me. To be honest, there was a slight noticeable increase in length, but not in girth. But not so much that made wearing the Andro Penis worth it.”
Dr Dick: “That’s pretty much what I thought would happen. When Carlos reported in at the beginning of the third month I could tell he was over it. I asked him if he wanted to continue the experiment.”
Carlos: “I told him NO! I felt like I was letting Dr Dick down. I made a promise to wear the Andro Penis for four months, but I could barely get past two months. Every day I would find a new excuse to either not wear the thing or wear it for a shorter period than I was supposed to. I suppose if you’re serious about enlarging your cock, more serious than I was at the beginning, and you have the stamina for this kind of regiment; then you might dig the Andro Penis. Like I said, I started out with the best of intentions, but I soon developed an intense animosity toward the device. It was a lot more invasive than I ever thought it would be. It was like carrying around a ball and chain.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

Chocolate Covered Pussy

Sex fans!

We have a swell new product to tell you about today, because it’s Product Review Friday again, don’t cha know.

Join me in welcoming a new manufacturer to our review effort. Allow me to introduce you to Nomi Tang.  And here is Dr Dick Review Crew member, Jada to tell you about her find.

Better Than Chocolate —— $69.00

Jada
“I don’t know,” I said to myself, “I really, really like chocolate.” That was my first impression when I picked up this attractive, but modestly packaged designer vibe over at Dr Dick’s.

Since the packaging is the first thing one sees of the Better Than Chocolate, let’s start with that. A decorative white paper sleeve covers a heavy white on white textured cardboard box. The box is accented with the distinctive red NT logo. Open the box with and discover the vibrator resting on white velvety material inside. You’ll also find an instruction manual and a velvety drawstring storage bag under the vibe. The entire presentation is very smart indeed.

But I’m still wary. There have been more than a few times when attractive packaging snookered me into assuming more than I should have about the product inside. Remember, it’s never a good idea to judge a book by its cover.

The Better Than Chocolate is fundamentally a clitoral vibrator. It is distinctive in both shape and function. There are three vibration patterns and adjustable speeds. This is pretty standard fare for a vibe these days, so what sets the Better Than Chocolate apart in this regard? Well, you can lock in your favorite setting, which makes these controls special.

I really liked the beautiful winged shape of the Better Than Chocolate. It looks both futuristic and naturally contoured. It fits perfectly in my hand and against my vulva. I’m less inclined to use intense direct clitoral vibration; I’m too sensitive for that. So the more diffuse vibrations offered by this product suits me just fine. If, however, you need more pinpoint precision with your clit stimulation, you may find the Better Than Chocolate a bit frustrating.

The Better Than Chocolate is made of TPE (thermoplastic elastomer) and polycarbonate. The instruction manual says that the material is skin-friendly. And I find no reason to disagree. It is nonporous, phthalates-free, hypoallergenic and latex-free. What’s remarkable about the TPE skin is that it feels so much like high-quality silicone. It is deliciously velvety to the touch. The interior is solid; it has no give or flex.

The Better Than Chocolate is smooth; there are no bumps or ridges. But then again, this toy is designed for placing on; not rubbing against. So there’s no actual need for texture, as far as I’m concerned. It’s the curves of the toy will bring you joy.

The vibration is powerful, albeit diffuse. I liken it to a throbbing. It’s amazingly quiet. And it is waterproof. Not some silly splashproof nonsense, but really waterproof. It runs on two AAA-batteries. They are not included in the package. There is an on/off button located near the battery cap.

The Better Than Chocolate is about the size of the palm of my hand, so it rests comfortably inside it. The controls are located at the top for easy finger manipulation. It is wider in the middle and tapers on each end. One end holds the battery compartment; the other is a rounded pleasure point. The pleasure point nuzzles against your clit or your nipples (Oh, be sure to try this on your nipples!) once you’ve placed the Better Than Chocolate, you can add the desired pressure using your hand.

The unique controller is touch-sensitive; I mean it is simply amazing. Glide your finger over it to increase or decrease the vibrations. If you press one end of the controller and hold it for two seconds it will switch from continuous vibration and rotate through the different patterns. Each pulsation pattern can be adjusted in strength by gliding your finger over the touch pad. Once you find the pattern and speed you desire; lock it in. Press the other end of the controller for two seconds and it will lock that level and pattern until you hold it for two seconds to unlock.

The lock function also goes into effect automatically if you submerge the Better Than Chocolate. It will keep operating but you cannot change the vibration until you remove it from the water and dry it off. Of course, you can always just turn it off to stop vibrations.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

Oceans of Lotions

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday again and we’re comin’ at ya with two brilliant GREEN products. And they come to us directly from the manufacturers too. We are proud to welcome Seven Oaks Farms of California  and NuruSlide from Japan.

Let’s begin with Dr Dick Review Crew Members Gina & Kevin.

Nuru Gel Original from Nuru Slide—— $21.99

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “We’ve done dozens of reviews as members of the Dr Dick Review Crew, but today we have a first.”
Kevin: “We’ve never reviewed a massage product before, that is until today. We are delighted to bring you news of a fantastic product, Nuru Gel.”
Gina: “I proudly acknowledged that I am, what Kevin calls, a massage slut. There is nothing more satisfying than body-to-body contact. Of all the things I enjoy in life, and there are many, I crave massage and bodywork the most.”
Kevin: “It’s true! But she is leaving something out. Not only does she love to receive massage, but she also enjoys giving massage. And I, I’m happy to report, am the lucky recipient of most of her hands-on loving. She’s got the touch of an angel.”
Gina: “Isn’t he sweet? Don’t get me wrong, I love sex and I’ve also discovered, thanks to Kevin, that I can be a raunchy bitch when I want to be. But there is nothing more nurturing and loving than massage; both giving and receiving.”
Kevin: “That’s why when we were offered Nuru Gel to review I knew we were both in for a real treat!”
Gina: “The thing is, we didn’t exactly know how big a treat it was going to be. Let me explain. Unlike any other massage cream, lotion or oil I’ve used; Nuru Gel works best when we’re both wet. This is a totally new concept for me so we started our massage night in the bath together.”
Kevin: “This is the added bonus of a Nuru Gel massage. We got to lounge in the bath, play a bit with some of our waterproof toys to get the evening started.”
Gina: “Instruction on the Nuru Gel website suggest that the massage happen on an air mattress or vinyl sheets. This is so both people, or if there was a massage group, everyone would be slippy and sliddy. This is the nature of a Nuru massage. Look it up online if you don’t believe me. Actually, we wound up using a rubber sheet that we sometimes use for our kink play under a regular cotton sheet. We didn’t what to lay down directly on the rubber.”
Kevin: “You will be mixing the Nuru Gel with some warm water to reach the desired consistency. The whole event is gonna get a little messy, and I mean that in the best possible way. So have a few couple towels within easy reach. We also rolled up a towel placed across the top of our mattress where the one receiving the massage could lay his head.”
Gina: “Once we left the bath we dried off a bit and then Kevin laid face-down on our mattress. I poured the Nuru Gel/water solution, one handful at a time, over the back of his body. I then applied a couple of handfuls of the solution over the front of my body and laid down on top of him. Nuru Gel is so slick we had a ball rubbing all over each other. It’s both therapeutic and sensual all at the same time. I absolutely loved it. We wouldn’t be able to do this with any other product I know of, so the Nuru Gel was a real treat.“
Full Review HERE!

Now here’s Review Crew Member, Angie.

Aloe Cadabra with Vitamin E & Natural Aloe —— $9.95

Angie
In my time on the Dr Dick Review Crew I’ve developed into quite a connoisseur of personal lubricants. I’ve tried more products in the last couple of years than most women try in a lifetime. I’ve discovered a precious few products I like and way more that I didn’t care for. I decided some time ago that I would never use a conventional, chemically filled lubricant ever again. I just figure that life is too short and my body is too precious to contaminate it with needless chemicals. In other words, I’ve gone GREEN!

That’s way I was overjoyed to receive this 2.5oz container of Aloe Cadabra to review. It is a plant-based personal lubricant made from 95% organic aloe vera. The clever play on words, that is the product’s name, tickled me no end. And, as their name suggests, Aloe Cadabra is pretty magical.

Aloe Cadabra is lusciously silky and totally free of glycerine, parabens, alcohol, hormones or any other foreign chemical substances. I have the Vitamin E enriched formula, but there is also a Tahitian Vanilla and French Lavender formula. I intend to try all three.

I am post-menopausal so I have a real problem with vaginal dryness. But rather than suffer with this condition I have the utmost confidence using Aloe Cadabra. It is the closest thing to the natural lubricant my body used to make in abundance. I have several other health and beauty products that are mainly aloe vera gel. At first I was concerned that Aloe Cadabra would be too dense or might dry out or get sticky during use. But it wasn’t and it did not. Its silken consistency is neither too thick nor is it watery. It is the ideal personal lubricant for all my pleasurable moments, the ones I enjoy by myself as well as the ones I enjoy with my husband.

Speaking of which, my husband loves Aloe Cadabra too. He likes it because it’s never greasy and it’s perfect to use with even our finest silicone toys. And when he gets some in his mouth (my man is a passionate oral pleaser) Aloe Cadabra doesn’t taste bad. It is also condom friendly. My husband and I don’t have to worry about that, but I know many people in our audience need to know that.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Catalyst

Hey sex fans,

We got a handful more than a handful of interesting toys to tell you about today, so let’s get at it.

Our first product comes to us from a manufacturer new to our product review effort. We welcome Xmybox.  Don’t ya just love that name?

Here’s Dr Dick Review Crew member, Christa with the lowdown.

Dew Drop —— $59.95

Christa
Happy New Year, fellow perverts! I’m beginning my 3rd year with the Dr Dick Review Crew, if you can believe that. I remember back in November 2008 when I got my first assignment, I was like blown away with all the free stuff. Then I realized that I was being offered all the products that no one else wanted to review. I imagined Dr Dick saying; “lets give this to that freak Christa, she’ll love it!”

Hey, I don’t mind, I am a freak and proud of it. Besides, I think us freaks have a shit-load more fun then the rest of you. But I digress.

Now that I’m a long-term reviewer, I’m getting more mainstream stuff to review. That’s fine by me too. Take today’s product, for example. There’s nothing freaky or even kinky about the Dew Drop. It’s basically a vibrating egg made of hard plastic. There are a few interesting features beyond the obvious, like it has it’s own handle. They call a “dropper”, that kind of attaches to the egg, by way of a clear plastic cord. This makes the insertion of the vibrating egg into a pussy (mine or yours) pretty easy. A nice personal lube is required; at least it is for me. And since the Dew Drop is hard plastic, you can use whatever kind of lube you want. I used a silicone-based lube.

Once the egg is deposited in said pussy (mine or yours) you remove the “dropper” leaving the clear plastic cord. It’s exactly like a tampon, only completely different.

And get this; the vibrating egg is operated by a remote control, which is very, very cool. Those tiny watch batteries operate both the egg and the controller and they are included in the package, thank you very much!

The vibration is not going to knock your socks off, but there are 6 vibration patterns and 8 speeds. The controller is easy to handle and operate and is effective from up to 10 yards away.

Of course, once my sub, butt-boy BF, Alex saw the Dew Drop he wanted to try it in his ass. He’s this total ass whore, ya know. But I refused. Not that I don’t think his hungry hole couldn’t accommodate the modestly sized egg, on the contrary. It’s that I didn’t trust the clear plastic cord or its connection to the egg to withstand pulling the egg out of his ass. This is regrettable! Because I would have had a load of fun remotely operating the vibration while it was lodged in his ass and we were at the Homo Depot! Maybe the Xmybox folks could work on a model that didn’t have such a flimsy connection.
Full Review HERE!

Now a couple of swell toys from our favorite retailer — Adult Sex Toys .com.

Nexus O —— $73.92

Kevin
I’m starting off the new year with an excellent toy. Allow me to introduce you to the brilliant O from Nexus.

But before I get to the review I have a bone to pick. The package says that the O a male G-spot massager. I have a big problem with that. I assume the Nexus people are trying to educate the public about the male prostate, or P-spot, but likening it to a G-spot, I think, only muddies the waters. To tell you the truth, I don’t much like the term P-spot either. It’s so adolescent.

Listen folks, men have prostates. Your prostate is a highly erogenous zone, if you’ve discovered yours or not. Stimulating your prostate is not only intensely pleasurable, but it’s also beneficial in terms of prostate health. So if a company like Nexus wants to educate the public about this, I suggest that they quit beating around the bush and call a spade a spade. That’s what I’m going to do.

The Nexus O is an extraordinary prostate massager. It has an amazingly simple design, but it delivers a surprising amount of stimulation. Its velvety feel comes from it being fashioned from 100% high-grade silicone. It has three pleasure points (balls) that arouse the two major pleasure points on a guys anatomy; the prostate and the taint (perineum), and area just behind your nuts. And the unique O design keeps the massage in place.

Having the Nexus O stay in place is essential to its effectiveness, because this is supposed to be a hands-free pleasure device. You can wear it while you’re beatin off, while you’re goin down on your partner, or while you’re fuckin you’re partner. It’s that brilliant.

Regular prostate massage considerably increases my ejaculate. I also find that, if I wear the Nexus O for at least a half hour before Gina and I play together, my erection is stronger and lasts longer. I’m not sure why this is, it I can vouch for the effect.

There are no batteries to worry about; in fact, it’s not actually a vibrator. It’s a massager that works its magic while I sit on it, rock back and forth or just walk around. I can clench my sphincter muscles while I have the Nexus O wedged in my ass, I can also work on my kegels. These are indispensable exercises for any guy who is into his ass. The Nexus O is decidedly low-tech, but it works. Instructions for use are on the inside panel of the package insert.
Full Review HERE!

As you will see, Denise takes me to task for an unintended oversight.

Alumina Pace —— $59.71

Denise
I had to have a little talk with Dr Dick a while back. I noticed that all the cool anal toys, like butt plugs, were being reviewed by only the guys in the Review Crew. “What’s up with that,” I asked. “A lot of us ladies like ass play too.” In his defense, Dr Dick said that he’s an equal opportunity ass-pleaser. And if I wanted to pleasure myself where the sun don’t shine, he had just the thing for me.

As luck would have it, my challenge to the boys only rule, which wasn’t really a rule, came at them most opportune time. It scored me this stunning 100% aeronautic grade aluminum plug, the Alumina Pace, by Tantus.

Tantus is famous for their beautiful silicone toys. We’ve reviewed several of them already. And as much as I love silicone, this aluminum plug is everything I could want.

The Alumina Pace is both stylish and functional. It is not a particularly big insertable; it’s about five inches long and the diameter is 1 1/4″ at its widest point. And it’s actually a doubleheader. You can insert either end!

The aeronautic grade aluminum is, of course, phthalate-free and non-porous. The Alumina Pace can be sterilized, which is important if you wish to share it with someone else. Soap and water is all you need for general cleanup, but you can also toss it in the dishwasher, boil it, or wipe it down with a 10% bleach or peroxide solution. It’s that easy.

The heft of the aluminum is also a plus. This distinguishes this plug from say a silicone plug. The extra weight is really nice. The teardrop shape of the one head and the bulbous shape to the other head both make for easy insertion and comfortable wearing. But both ends provide distinctive sensations.

The Alumina Pace can be both warmed and chilled for added sensations. If you’ve never had an insertable that you can enjoy in this fashion, I highly recommend you give it a try.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Sex Addiction, or Too Much of a Good Thing?

This last post of 2010 will start with a declaration. One of my famous “Thus Sayeth Dr. Dick” sorta things, if you please.

Ready?

I categorically reject the concept of sexual addiction that has been floating around in the popular culture for the last 20 years or so.

And yes, I know this will rankle a bunch of you, but you’ll just have to get over it. You see, there is no such thing as a sexual addiction. Period!

Nowadays people bandy about the term addiction as if it can be applied to any and all obsessive behaviors. I have an addiction to chocolate; I’m addicted to shopping; I’m addicted to video games; I’m addicted to porn—or, I’m a sex addict. NONSENSE!

That being said, I hasten to add that I do believe there are sexual obsessions and compulsive sexual behaviors, plenty of ’em in fact. However, obsessions and compulsions are not addictions, and addictions, while they may involve irresistible impulses, are not the same thing as compulsions. Get it? Got it? Good!

I want to be absolutely clear about this. An addiction is a very specific condition. It denotes a dual dependency, physical as well as a psychological.

  • A physical dependency occurs when a substance is habitually used to a point where the body becomes reliant on its effects. The substance must be used constantly, because if it is withheld, it will trigger symptoms of withdrawal.
  • Psychological dependency occurs when the substance habitually used creates an emotional reliance on its effects. There is no functioning without it. Its absence produces intense cravings, which if not fed will trigger symptoms of withdrawal.

Check it out. With the help of my handy-dandy dictionary, a good place to start in discussions of this sort, I discovered these three very distinct definitions:

Addiction: The need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal. Broadly: persistent use of a substance known by the user to be harmful. A state of physiological and psychological dependence on a drug.

Compulsive: Driven by an irresistible inner force to do something; i.e., a compulsive liar.

Obsession: A persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling.

See? Different words. Different meanings. Not a particularly complex notion to grasp, right?

And listen, just because a bunch of yahoo afternoon talks show hosts and even a load of my esteemed professional colleagues banter these words about like they were interchangeable doesn’t make it so. In fact, we do ourselves a huge disservice by muddling these very specific concepts into a jumble. My fellow therapists should be the first to recognize this because finding help for an addiction or an intervention for an obsessive/compulsive disorder will be as specific as the problem itself.

One thing is for certain: identifying one of the things, as the other will complicate the problem solving. It’s like going to the doctor with a headache, and when the doc asks where does it hurt, you point to your stomach. It just won’t do.

Hi Dr. Dick,
I recently found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. He wants me to forgive him, but he keeps on doing the same thing over and over again. He’s like addicted to sex or something. I love him very much, but I feel dirty just by being around him and knowing what he’s doing. It also makes me feel stupid putting up with all of this and at the same time I still love him, please give me some advice. Thank You.
— Darlene

Before we turn our attention to your boyfriend’s behavior, let me make a quick observation about you. You’re a big fat ball of contradictions, huh? How can you say that you love the person that makes you feel dirty and stupid? You’re deceiving yourself about at least one of those feelings. And if I had to guess, I’d say what you’ve got with your man ain’t love—it’s an obsession.

Your boyfriend probably has you figured out by now, and he knows that you will tolerate his misbehavior, which gives him tacit permission to do whatever he feels like doing. From where I sit, you’re the real sap. If you’re really serious about reining in your wayward BF, you’d better come up with a clear, unambiguous message about what you will and will not tolerate. Until you do precisely that, he’ll just think that he can roam wherever he wants and whenever he wants.

If the two of you are supposed to be living in a sexually exclusive relationship, and he’s taking his business elsewhere, then he’s got a problem, too. However, I caution you against thinking that his sexual behaviors are an addiction. Because they’re not.  And thinking they are will not help you find the solution to the problems you folks are having.

There are root causes for his behavior, just like there are root causes for your behavior. To get to the bottom of all of this, each of you will need to invest a good deal of time and energy with a qualified therapist. One can only hope that there’s a big enough bank of goodwill between the two of you to carry the day because overcoming your obsession and his compulsions will demand all of your emotional resources.

Dear Dr. Dick,
I have been in a relationship for five years now and truly love my partner, however I can never seem to get enough sex. I am 30 and he is 29, but I constantly find myself in the chat rooms lookin’ for younger guys to have sex with. It’s more than just a hobby—it’s a habit! I’ve actually lost jobs because he’d be out of town and I’d spend almost every waking hour on the PC with a cocktail looking for sex, not caring about anything else. It’s like I’m addicted to sex. He knows I have played around (I actually have talked him into three-ways a few times), but he has no idea how extreme it’s become. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not unhappy with him. I just can’t seem to stop wanting sex with younger guys. Any suggestions?
— Brian

It’s interesting that you should tell me about your compulsive sexual behavior in the same breath that you tell me of your love for your partner. As you’ve probably guessed already, there isn’t really much of a connection between the two. Love and sex are two very different things. Sometimes they go together, but not always or even often for that matter.

It appears to me that you’ve really got two problems happening simultaneously: First, your compulsive prowling of the internet for sex (complicated, I might add, by your alcohol consumption). Second, the deception you’re practicing on your partner. Let’s deal with each of these in turn.

Your particular sexual activity, like any compulsive behavior (overeating, excessive shopping, etc.), is more than just a bad habit. It’s a serious psychological dysfunction. Take it from me: breaking this behavior pattern will be nearly impossible without some professional help. If the problem is as serious as you say, then you’d better seek help right away. This sort of thing, if left untreated, will not only destroy your relationship, it will ruin your life. When you seek that professional help, I encourage you to include information about your alcohol consumption. If there is an addiction in all of this, it’s the alcohol, not the sex. And in your case, the addiction may be fueling the compulsion.

Now, regarding your relationship. It’s imperative that you come clean with your partner about your sexual obsessions and compulsions, as well as your probable alcohol addiction. Not only will you feel better about not lying to him anymore, you’re going to need his support in overcoming the difficult obstacles you face. I suggest that you attend to this right away. There’s not a moment to lose.

Good Luck

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