Search Results: Fetish

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The Doctor is IN!

Name: Paul
Gender: male
Age: 32
Location: Seattle
I hope this isn’t the first time you’ve gotten this kind of question but I’ve recently discovered that I have a urine fetish. And I guess what I want to know is if among gay men I am in a minority or what? Do you know of other guys out there who share my fetish? Also I’m in a relationship and I don’t think my boyfriend shares my interests so I was wondering if you might have some ideas on how to break the news to him. Thanks a lot.

A urine fetish, huh? Ok! Are you talking about what those in the know call watersports or golden showers, right? I think you’re telling me you like to play with your pee, or the pee of other folks, right?

40.jpgOh my god, this is like a totally popular fetish, and not just common among the gays, don’t cha know. I’m surprised that you haven’t encountered loads of other pee queens before now. Folks of every sexual stripe and persuasion are known to enjoy piss play. There’s even a scientific name for it: urophilia. Doesn’t that sound fun? Honey, guess what? I’m a urophiliac and you can be one too!

Hell, this is such a popular fetish that it has a full subset of associated fetishes. There are clothes wetting, bed-wetting and diaper fetishes, and urinal fetishes. For the BDSM crowd there are humiliation scenes and bladder control scenes just to name a few.

Historically speaking, people have been drinking their own urine as an alternative medicine for as long as…well, as long as there’s been pee to drink. Bathing in urine is also very common in some cultures.

Curiously enough, watersports is not necessarily always a sexual fetish, although it can be sexual in nature. Activities where piss is taken internally (swallowed or received anally or vaginally) can be risky. The pee-ee will no doubt ingest any and all un-metabolized drugs — pharmaceutical as well as recreational — which were consumed by the pee-er. In some societies and in some situations, this is the actual intent — for example intensifying and prolonging the effects of a hallucinogenic drug.

Prospective pee drinkers should be aware that there are a few drugs that pass through the body either partly unchanged or entirely unchanged, like those nasty amphetamines and their derivatives. So it’s all together possible to get really high from drinking a druggie’s piss.

Finally, how do you come out as a pee-queen to your boyfriend? I’m of the mind that the direct approach works best. There’s less room for misunderstandings. You could come right out and ask him for what you want. Darling, meet me in the bathroom. I want to show you something really festive and entertaining. I mean, what homo’s isn’t gonna fall for that?

A less assertive way would be to visit several golden shower oriented websites, they abound on them internets, ya know. Leave the page open for the BF to find. That will stir things up. And unless he’s as dense as a post, he’ll begin to get the message. You could also “accidentally” rent a watersports video. That would, no doubt, open the desired discussion. “Holy cow honey, look what I picked up by mistake. You wanna watch it? Isn’t this hot? Oh my god, I think I just wet my pants. Wanna see?”

Name: Maria
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Location: California
Hi Dr, My question is a little strange. My boyfriend has this weird fetish about cumming on me…not just on me but all over me. On my boobs, on my face, he likes to get it in my hair, on my feet. I’m practically swimming in the stuff. Most of the time I don’t mind it and sometimes it gets me off. But I’m just wondering what’s this all about. Why does he have this desire to cum all over me? Most of the time he wants me on my knees waiting for his gift, tongue sticking out like a dog. Any thoughts why?

Maria, darling, this is absolutely precious! I love it!

Did you ever see the brilliantly funny Mel Brooks movie, High Anxiety?

In the movie Mel Brooks plays Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke, the new administrator of the Psychoneurotic Institute for the Very, VERY Nervous. He goes to San Francisco for a conference where he is framed for a murder. Mid-way through the movie there’s a scene where Thorndyke is on the lam. He phones his new friend, Victoria Brisbane, (played by the amazing Madeline Kahn) from a phone booth to ask for her help. Victoria is in her hotel room when she answers the phone. Just at that moment, the real killer attacks Dr Thorndyke and has him by the throat. Because of all the heavy breathing and choking sounds on the Thorndyke end, Victoria thinks she getting a prank sex call. She protests but then is drawn into the call. It’s comic genius. Dr Thorndyke’s struggle comes to an end when his attacker is impaled on a shard of glass. His death gasp makes Victoria think her caller just shot his wad. She responds with disgust, “You animal!

That’s where my mind went, Maria when I got your call. The description of your boyfriend’s spooge fetish made me think of Victoria Brisbane and her exclamation, “You Animal.”

p10.jpgYa see, Maria, us boys think all the world is as enamored with our spunk as we are. And so we think we’re doing everyone a big favor by spreading our junk around. We’re particularly fond of getting as much of our joy-juice as possible on our partners and the messier the better. We’ll tell you that we do this because we love you and we just whipped up this tasty little batch of seed just for you. That’s bullshit of course.

What we’re really doing is marking our territory. Did you ever notice how pleased with himself a male dog is when he’s blissfully lifting his leg to pee on everything in site? I’d be willing to bet you’d see a similar shit-eatin’ grin on the BF as you’d see on that dog. Your BF is marking his territory, but he’s marking you with his jizz.

The upside of this is that our little nut concoction is heavily protein laden, so you’ll not find a better skin emolument. Just make sure he doesn’t get any in your eyes. That shit burns! Enjoy!

Name: Jim
Gender: male
Age: 23
Location: Sydney
I’m addicted to porn. I look at porn for hours and hours at a time at work at home on my cell phone whatever. I am noticing that the more porn I look at the more I want and now I’m searching out some real weird shit the weirder the better. I’m afraid this is taking over my life, but I can’t stop. What should I do?

Listen Jim, there’s no such thing as an addiction to porn! PERIOD!

Nowadays people bandy about the term addiction as if it could be applied to any and all obsessive behaviors. I have an addiction to chocolate, I’m addicted to shopping, or I’m a sex addict. NONSENSE!

Let’s be clear about this. An addiction is a very specific condition. It denotes a dual dependency, physical as well as a psychological. A physical dependency occurs when a substance is habitually used to a point where the body becomes reliant on its effects. The substance must be used constantly, because if it is withheld it will trigger symptoms of withdrawal. Psychological dependency occurs when the substance habitually used creates an emotional reliance on its effects. There is no functioning without it. Its absence produces intense cravings, which if not fed will trigger symptoms of withdrawal.

What you report about yourself, Jim, is not an addiction. Your behaviors, however, are a classic example of a severe fixation or obsession. Just because out of control behavior isn’t an addiction, doesn’t mean it’s not serious.

You may say to yourself, “What the fuck, doc, fixation, addiction it all sounds the same to me.” Well, sounding alike and being the same are two very different things. Besides, if one doesn’t properly identify the problem; how will one find the proper intervention? And you, my friend, need an intervention ASAP.

n.jpgYour relentless pursuit of pornography, your obsession with more and more graphic and extreme depictions of sex is clearly interfering with you living a normal life. And at such a tender age, what’s up with that? This has got to stop, pup. You can’t continue to take refuge in fantasy material in lieu of having healthy interpersonal relationships.

I’d also challenge your suggestion that you are enjoying the porn you consume. When consumption of anything — porn, food, whatever — is this unrelenting, there is no enjoyment factor anymore.

If you have the psychological capacity to limit your porn consumption on your own, great — Do it! Be strict with yourself. Deny yourself access to the materials that fuel your fixation. Channel that energy into connecting with other LIVE humans.

If you are unable to monitor your behavior on your own — seek professional help right away. Look to a sex-positive therapist who will assist you in creating boundaries for yourself. Your therapist will help you learn how to reward your successes and not reward your failures. You will, in time, be able to put this obsession behind you. But you must act now. Your humanity hangs in the balance.

Good luck, ya’ll!

…don’t let me get too deep

Name: Mystery man
Gender: male
Age:
Location
Hi Dr,
I was wondering how do I make my scrotum more looser? I like to jack-off with them loose for some odd reason…is it something natural where you cannot because its all about the temperature? Thank you, and e-mail me back when you respond! =) Thanks a bunch

Lots of guys are into stretching their balls; it’s a very common practice (fetish). Like you suggest there’s nothing like a pair of low-hangers slappin’ against your junk as you pull your pud.180px-scrotum_by_david_shankbone.jpg

Oh, and you have the whole temperature thing backward. Your nuts hang outside and away from your body so they stay slightly cooler than you normal core body temperature. This keeps sperm production at its peak.

Think of the fun you’ll have with a partner too. Do you know about tea baggin? It’s all the rage, don’t cha know! When you stretch out your balls, you’ll be able to straddle your partner and do deep knee bends, while you’re family jewels dip in and out of your partner’s mouth as you proceed with your up and down motion.

a576.jpgDon’t know a ball stretcher from a hole in your head? Not to worry. There are several kinds of devices, all encircle your sack above your balls and then either pushes your balls away from the body, or yanks down on your nuts. Most stretchers are made of soft leather, or metal, or a combination of both. Persistent use can stretch your sack a good 3 inches. By the way, the stretching itself can produce a very erotic sensation both in your balls and your testicle cords (vas deferens). See Dr Dick’s Stockroom for the 411 on all things relating to stretching your balls

For example, check out this little number: The Parachute Ball Stretcher. This is a classic, handmade Parachute Ball Stretcher, made of black leather with a snap closure. The parachute snaps around the balls, and a metal O-ring hangs below, connected by three chains. The Parachute is adjustable and is made in two sizes. You can pull gently on the ring, or attach a leash, etc. Weights can also be attached, but for god sake, have your wits about you when you try this. You can injure yourself if not careful.

Name: Dan and Rebecca
Gender: Couple
Age: 25, 20
Location:
We are a happy but frustrated couple looking for advice. I’m a 25
year old male, and my lovely girlfriend is 20.
I have no problem bringing her to orgasm and pleasing her, but since we’ve been seeing each other I have not been able to cum once. In the past it was always difficult for me to cum during sex, my first time (age 18) my then gf and I went for about three hours before we just gave up. Usually I would have to jerk myself off afterwards but now I can’t even do that.
However if I am alone with porn I am easily able to masturbate and can get off a few times a day. How is it that I can jerk off to pictures that mean nothing to me, but can’t cum for the woman I love the most?
I’ve spoken with a doctor and he said medically there is nothing wrong with my penis. What do you suggest we do? We are really getting frustrated and just want to be able to please each other.

Simply put, there’s a difference between the psychosexual response we have when we are alone and the one we experience with a partner. Your doctor is right, there’s probably nothing wrong with your unit. It’s all in your head…or your mind, to be more exact. And I’m not being flippant.

If I had to guess, I’d say you have a real bad case of performance anxiety. Here’s how this nasty thing works. Say I have a less than satisfying sexual experience for one reason or another. Before I know it, I’m replaying the incident over and over in my mind’s eye till that’s all I can think about. The proverbial molehill has become a mountain. I bring my anxiety to my next encounter. Mykovalik.jpg hyper-consciousness primes me for more disappointment. And I’m ready to interpret all disappointment as a failure. Well, you can see where I’m going with this, huh? My fears become self-fulfilling and I find I’m beginning to avoid sex, my relationship suffers, I develop a full-blown sexual dysfunction and my self-esteem takes a nosedive. My preoccupation with my problem makes it less likely that I’ll be fully present during sex with my partner, which pretty much scuttles my sexual responsiveness and any hope for spontaneity.

It looks to me like performance anxiety is putting a damper on your sexual arousal and short-circuiting your sexual response cycle. Get thee to a sex-positive therapist ASAP, darling! Believe me this is nothing to fool around with, especially for someone at your tender age. When I see this sort of thing in my private practice, I always begin the therapeutic intervention by calling a moratorium on fucking of any kind. This immediately takes a great deal of the pressure off the couple. From there we begin to rebuild the partnered psychosexual response one step at a time. We begin with sensate focus training, stress reduction and relaxation exercises. I have the greatest confidence in this method; it succeeds over 90% of the time.

Good luck

Name: Gene
Gender:
Age: 45
Location: Orlando
I am a homosexual, and I have a “friend” who has been incarcerated for five years. The relationship while he was out with me was excellent. I have asked him numerous of times is he having sex with the homo’s in jail and he responds by saying no. I think otherwise, and he wants to come back to me upon his release. My question is “should I wait for him”?

Gene, Gene, Gene, there are so many things wrong with this picture, I hardly know where to start. Your man’s in the big house for 5 years, and you expect him to keep it in his pants for the duration…just for you? Like WHY? Hey, he’s in the clink, not in a monastery. Oh wait; even monks in the monastery don’t keep it in their habit nowadays! At any rate, it may not be completely up to him if he has sex or not…if you catch my drift. Maybe he’s someone’s bitch right now, he’s just not telling you about it.

Should you wait for him? You mean, all alone by yourself with no one to comfort you while your guys’ doin’ his time? This sounds like the script for a real bad 1950’s prison movie. You could play the Linda Darnell part — the long-suffering girlfriend pining away while her good-for-nothing man pays his debt to society.

Honey, you need to get out more.

Name: omg
Gender:
Age: 32
Location: al
Is it wrong for a married woman to want to masturbate when alone?

I doubt it. What could possibly be wrong with wanting to pleasure yourself when you are alone? As we all know, many women only get off through masturbation. Hell, nowadays liberated women folk everywhere are comfortable enough with their sexuality to jill-off with their partner.

Besides, there’s no better way to get to know your body and your sexual response cycle than through self-pleasuring. Once you’re well acquainted with how your body works, you’ll have a whole lot how much information about how you tic that you can share with your partner when the time comes. It’s a win/win situation.

While I’m at it, let me invite you to send me information about technique, style, fantasy, setting and perhaps implements used in your masturbation. I invite you to submit stories of your earliest experiences; failures as well as successes. You can contribute by using the comments section on the Jillin’ Off page.

Name: JR
Gender:
Age: 20
Location: Florida
Hi Dr. Dick. I’ve been having gay sex since I was 12, so it’s not new to me but I have 2 problems. Problem 1 is that no matter what anyone does to me they can not make me cum. I have had people put it to the test by jerking me off, sucking me, fucking me and jerking me off, but it doesn’t work. I can cum no problem if i do it on my own but the thing is my b/f feels like he can’t please me. problem 2, my boyfriend is new to the whole being gay thing. we have been going out for about a year now and he has been the top. I have only been able to top him 2 since we started going out. that was in the first 6 months of our relationship. but now no matter what i do i can’t top him. i have taken hours to help him prepare, by stretching himself, to rimming, fingering, everything. I can only get my head in when he says that it hurts. we thought that if he sat on it and take more control of it all it would be better but it doesn’t help at all. what can we do for it?

Like I said to Dan and Rebecca above, there’s a difference between the1721-1.jpg psychosexual response we have when we are alone and the one we experience with a partner. Many people are unable to, or choose not to, get off in partnered sex. And there is any number of reasons why. Since you’re able to get yourself off when you are with your partner, why not just leave it at that?

Some people think a sexual encounter is only “successful” if one of the partners gets the other partner off. This is nonsense. Some guys, you may be one of them, can only get off by their own hand. It doesn’t diminish the quality of the encounter, just proves that each person has a unique sexual response. Folks, there’s no necessary connection between an ejaculation and sexual satisfaction, just like there’s no necessary connection between an ejaculation and an orgasm.

As to your hapless boyfriend who can bottom no how…probably it’s simply not his thing, for whatever reason. It seems so unfortunate that you guys are so balled up with all these “shoulds” about what a pleasurable encounter must be like. Why not just relax and enjoy what comes naturally in your being together? No need to force or script the passion into a preconceived idea of how things ought to be.

Name: joy
Gender:
Age: 21
Location: california
I have been dating this guy for almost 3 year and also live with him. I love the way he makes love to me and i love dick, but sometimes i just want to make out with girls… does this make me a lesbian at all?

vol1_avenger.jpgHardly! Takes more than suckin’ face with another chick to make a gal a lesbiterian. You’re gonna need to get yourself a she-mullet, some plaid shirts and a vibrator that you can kick-start. Now that’ll make ya dyke for damn sure! Sheesh!

Good luck ya’ll.

Play With ME!

Once again, I have the pleasure of introducing all you perverts and pervettes to some very appealing playthings. Thanks to my inquisitive correspondents and my very own, Dr Dick’s Stockroom, I’m able to bring you yet another installment of my ever so popular, Sex Toy Awareness feature.

Name: Terrancer099.jpg
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Location: Baltimore
I’m in the mood for something new, distinctive and fun. I’ve done the whole leather thing. But now, since everyone is doing it, it’s so trite. The new wave seems to be rubber. What do you think?

You are so right, Terrance darling. Leather is so last year. Latex, on the other hand is so very au currant! I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you are gay, Gay, GAY! Gayer even than Senator Craig in a public crapper. Who else but a real ‘mo would dare to set himself up as the arbiter of current fetish fashion? We’ll you’re in luck. Lookie here — Latex Chaps w/ Side Stripes.

These classic motorcycle-style chaps are made from the finest quality 40 gauge black rubber with 30 gauge latex colored trim. The snap front waistband and lace-up back allow for a custom fit.

Heavy-duty black zippers give the chaps strength to contain even a body builder’s thighs! (Mmmm, body builder thighs!) This body-flattering cut will lift, push out, and support the rear and show off your package. You do have a nice ass and big package, don’t you Terrance? For a hot night of playing in gear, these chaps always allow for easy access to your assets.

Choose stripes in Yellow, White or Red. The Classic Rubber Latex jockstrap is sold separately.

Name: Matti
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Location: CT
The BF and I are looking forward to Halloween. I know, I know, we’re not even back to school yet. But hey, can a gal ever be too prepared? Ourc008.jpg sorority has an annual masquerade party and I plan on wearing this totally hot red satin bustier. But I need something else. Where do I look for something naughty, but nice…something no one else will have?

Girl, why don’t we just start our Christmas shopping now? Holy cow, you are gettin way ahead of me. But never fear, I took a look in the Stockroom and found just the thing — The Dragon Lady Mask.

The Dragon Lady Mask is a hand-molded, hand-painted leather mask that extends out into playful points and swirls, with distinct red, black and white painted markings.

Designed to shape the contours of the face, this mask has an unearthly, yet realistic expression and decorative personality.

Name: Monster
Gender: Male
Age: 44
Location: Albuquerque
I’ve tried so many sex toys over the years only to find that most of them are shit. Do you know of any toys that are not just ridiculous novelties? I want something for the industrial strength toy user.

You betcha! Here’s one you can kick-start…well almost. But you will need a powerc367.jpg tool — The Dual Motion, Handheld Sex Machine.

This fucking machine is the smallest, handiest, most versatile handheld device and it’s affordable. Your can connect this Sex Machine to any Fleshlight or Vac-U-Lock dildo for exciting hands-free multi-speed solo sex. The device is lightweight, quiet, safe and feels fantastic.

It thrusts and it rotates! Its unique dual action reciprocation and optional rotation moves up to 300 revolutions per minute and has a 3″ linear thrust. It is powered by a cordless electric screwdriver or drill. (Not included.) It is easily disassembled for cleaning, storage and installation of upgrades, and is dishwasher safe.

The quality construction sets itself apart from other fucking machines, and it comes with a one-year manufacturer’s warranty against breakage, wear and tear. How does that sound, Monster? If you wear it out, they’ll replace the parts and put you in their hall of fame!

Supplied in an easy-to-assemble kit form, it comes with full instructions. It takes about 15 minutes to assemble. The plastic parts are all polycarbonate (what bullet-proof windows are made of) and the metal parts are all stainless steel.

Name: Gaffray
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Location: Kansas
I like beating off! I want to try something besides my fist. What’s that thing that looks like a flashlight called? I keep seeing them around. Are they any good?c149.jpg

I’ve heard only good things about the ever so popular — Fleshlight Male Masturbator.

The Pink Lady Fleshlight Male Masturbator is an innovative creation that provides an exciting and fun new method of self-pleasure for men. With the lid on, this discreet male masturbation toy resembles an oversized flashlight, but twist the lid off and an enticingly fleshy pink erotic opening appears. The soft and creamy cyberskin filling of the pliable tube feels very smooth, and extremely realistic. The fleshlight has 8” of insertable length, and a removable base making it even longer.

The Fleshlight also features vibe insertion, and suction control. The Pink Lady has a genuine vagina-like opening. (You can get one that looks like a butt hole if you don’t want a pussy opening.) The Fleshlight is also great fun when enjoyed with a partner.

Name: Tessa
Gender: Female
Age: 33
Location: Sherman Oaks
My husband and I are taking our first tentative steps into the world of kink. Unfortunately, we really don’t know what we’re doing. Are there any good guides out there for the novice kinkster?

I have just the thing for you and the hubby! Check it out — Fetish Sex: An Erotic Guide for Couples.c404.jpg

This book is written for the fetishist, for their lovers and for anyone who wants to maximize a fetish or figure out if he/she has a fetish. It will help the budding fetishist “come out” about his/her kink, and find a community of like-minded folks.

This handy guide demystifies and breaks down the definition of a fetish, takes the time to explain why fetishes are alluring and what to do when one is curious about how to play with that fetish. The volume’s author, Violet Blue is the best…well besides dr dick, that is. She is frank, friendly and full of practical advice. There are even erotic short stories by Thomas Roche to tantalize and inspire.

Role-playing, Fetish Dressing, Cross Dressing, Human Animal Play and Medical Play are some of the topics covered in this informative and entertaining couple-centered guide.

Good luck, ya’ll

Time On My Hands

When I was just a little tike, the nuns who taught me in grade school would often say, “idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” Far be it from me to lend the devil an idle hand. While I was waitin’ on my new computer, the one that allowed me to resume my podcasts, I decided to use some of the down time to respond to a backlog of correspondents in the old fashioned way…by writing.

Name: Adam
Gender:
Age: 34
Location: UK
I have been attracted to male children for years. Having been arrested for viewing child porn I realize that I need to pursue a celibate lifestyle. I realize that celibacy is a demanding lifestyle. What advice would you offer me?

You present a particularly touchy issue for our culture, Adam. But before I respond, I’d like to help you with some of your vocabulary. You say you need to pursue a celibate lifestyle. I think you mean to say you need to pursue an abstinent lifestyle. The two concepts — celibacy and sexual abstinence — mean different things. Unfortunately, way too many people use these terms interchangeably. This is not a good thing and only serves to muddy the waters further.

Celibacy has a very specific meaning. Let me whip out my trusty, handy dandy Funk & Wagnalls dictionary. Celibacy: the state of being unmarried. Some people infer, especially those of a strict religious bent, that celibacy also connotes sexual abstinence. Ya see, religious people are of the mind that there is no legitimate sexual expression outside the confines of heterosexual marriage. Legitimate or not, unmarried people have always been and will always continue to be sexual, so making that unfortunate connection between celibacy and abstinence ill advised.

The only thing we ought to be able to say for sure when someone identifies him/herself as celibate is that he/she is not married. To assume a celibate person, even one who has taken a vow of celibacy, is sexually abstinent is quite a dangerous stretch indeed. Need I point out the very unfortunate sex abuse scandals that continue to plague the Roman Catholic Church?

In the same way, if someone identifies him/herself as sexually abstinent, the only thing we ought to be able to say for sure is that he/she is not engaging in any type of sexual expression. It would be false to assume that a sexually abstinent person is not married, because there are a lot of married people who are indeed sexually abstinent.

In your case, Adam, I believe you are telling me that you are both not married (celibate), and because of your particular sexual predilection — young boys — you must also be sexually abstinent. If I’ve got this right…and it is very important that I not misinterpret your words…then I think there are options you may not have considered.

I firmly believe that we learn our sexuality. All we eroticize, in your case boys, is learned behavior. You once learned to eroticize boys; you can now learn to eroticize a more appropriate group of people. This isn’t a particularly easy thing to accomplish, but it’s not impossible either.

Anytime any one of us discovers that the object of our desires is someone inappropriate, we need to adjust our eroticism immediately. This is the better part of being a sexually responsible person. Pedophilia is just one such inappropriate eroticism. A father for his daughter, a mother for her son, a boss for a subordinate, a man for his neighbor’s wife, a teacher for her student, a counselor for his/her client, a congressman for his page…are you getting the picture? I hope so. And the list goes on and on.

I believe learning to readjust your eroticism to a more appropriate outlet is a much better option than trying to live a sexually abstinent lifestyle. The reason I believe this is that having a more appropriate outlet will at least give you an outlet for your pent up sexuality. If you have no outlet, or limit yourself to masturbation, you will only intensify your longings and further fixate on the inappropriate object of your current desires.

Like anyone trying to wean him/herself off a bad habit, the task ahead of you Adam, will be challenging. It will also be enriching and life-affirming. I hasten to add that you ought not try to do this on your own. Work with a sex-positive therapist.

You’re a relatively young man with many years ahead of you. These years can be filled with happy, healthy and appropriate sexual expression. Make it happen.

Good luck!

Name: Bert
Age: 54
Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Dear Sir,
7 years ago I lost my lover who I had lived for 14 years by AIDS. 6 months later I met my present lover. His lover just died of lung cancer. We met each other at a time we needed someone in our life. I am not a person who steps inside easily into a relationship. For the first 3 years we had a review every 3 months and every 3 months we extended our relationship for another 3 months. I needed time to get over my loss. My problem is that I cannot ejaculate when I have sex with my present lover and my appetite for sex has vanished. Before my lover died I had the greatest appetite for sex and I had no inhibitions about sex. I feel shy and uncomfortable when he approaches me and I do have an erected penis. In the first years I thought the reason was my lost of my lover. But after seven years it must be over. Can you give me advice?

Dear Bert,
Grief has a profound effect on our sexual response. In my practice I have found that grief is one of the leading causes of sexual dissatisfaction and dysfunction. You, Bert, present the classic symptoms of grief induced sexual dysfunction and dysphoria.

As you probably know, some animals mate for life. When the mate dies, that animal will not mate again. Are you such an animal? Is seven years of grieving enough? I can’t say. Grieving is such an individual thing. What I can tell you is it is time for you to bring this concern to a professional for help. I suggest that you seek the help of a qualified sex-positive therapist, someone who is well versed in both sexuality and grief counseling. It’s imperative that you address this issue as soon as you can. Don’t let this go unattended any longer. It will fester and destroy any sexual relationship you will try to establish in the future.

Good luck!

Name: Lenore
Age: 28
Location: IL
Whenever I have sex with ANYONE (it could be the hottest guy on the planet) I have to ALWAYS imagine I am with someone else from my past. The guy in question was the first guy I ever had sex with. We only did it once and I never saw him again after that. I was 17 in high school and he was 23 in the navy. Now if I don’t imagine this guy I can’t achieve orgasm, no matter how GOOD the partner I have is making me feel. I’m having a good time, I lubricate like crazy, but when it gets right down to it, I HAVE to think of this guy or no orgasm.
Can you give me some advice on this?

Are you suggesting that what you describe here is a problem? Or are you just making a point and asking me for my thoughts on the matter? I hope it’s the later, because I

vintage-nude-with-tambourine.jpg

don’t see that your fantasy life is getting in the way of you enjoying your sexuality. On the contrary, your fantasies are enriching your sexuality. You’re able to fully enjoy sex, even to orgasm…with the help of your recollections of the guy who popped your cherry.

As to what goes on in your head during sex, well that’s no body’s business but yours, unless you want to tell your partner what’s on our mind. Everyone enjoys sexual fantasies as an integral part of their sexual expression. And rarely do those fantasies include the person right there bumpin’ parts with the person doing the fantasizing. There’s nothing wrong with that, don’t ‘cha know! I mean, why would you want to leave your largest sexual organ, your brain, unstimulated when your pussy is having such a good time?

Why not just enjoy what works for you?

Good luck!

Name: Kevin
Age: 30
Location: Delaware
I would like to know why gay men and lesbian woman have fetishes (turned on by a certain body part). I’m turned on by feet and by men wearing all01010801150101031020071202061df1a0067a5a44f400c442.jpg types of boots and all types of sox please reply with answer thanx

Ya know, Kevin, fetishes are not just a gay/lesbian phenomenon. Every kind of person may have fetishes.

Fetishes come in all sizes and shapes; body parts, clothing, hair color, (racial fetishes…as we will see later) particular sex acts, sex toys, to name just a few. There are a few plausible explanations for these behaviors, but the one I prefer is that we learn our sexuality. All the things we eroticize — in your case feet, footwear and sox — are learned behaviors. I suppose that if you had the time and energy to retrace your steps, as it were, you’d find a specific time and place when you began to fetishize these things. The people who study human sexuality say that there is a pleasurable connection of one sort or another with everything we find erotic. Some fetishes develop later in life, some start when we are children or even infants.

Good luck!

Name: Mura
Age: 22
Location: Japan
I am 22 year old. I like and love strong and humor and good-looking male man. When saw the man like those, my cock is becoming hard and want to have sex. Frankly speaking, I like and love black Actors of USA Will Smith and Denzel Washington. When I watch their films, I do my cock by myself. I feel it s very nice. But I also think that it is not good. But I can’t control myself. I don’t know how to do. Please tell me your advice.

Lots of us share your sexual fantasies of black American actors.

— Denzel! Denzel! Denzel! Oh baby, oh baby, you make me so hot! —

And those that don’t share your (our) fantasy have other beloved fantasies of their own, just like Lenore and Kevin above you. There is nothing wrong with that. Masturbating to sexual fantasies is good and healthy. It will help you learn about your

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body. Enjoy yourself. Try not to think of yourself as having a problem. This is all very natural.

Good luck!

Name: Jose
Age: 27
Location: Miami
Dear Dr.Dick, I’m been having a problem for a long time I’m a goodlooking guy that works out, healthy, professional but I have a problem I can only have sex with men of color only I fantasy about it everyday till the other day I call an escort service and finally I did it but now I’m worse still having more fantasies everyday and I don’t know if this is an addiction problem or what, I try white guys but they do not turn me on at all and by the way I’m Latin, can you please advise.

Why do you think there’s a problem with your sexual preferences? It sounds like you’re doing fine, you’ve discovered that you’re into men of color.

— Denzel! Denzel! Denzel! Oh baby, oh baby, you make me so hot! …WHOOPS, I THERE I GO AGAIN…

No need to apologize for that. Why not just enjoy yourself…and the luscious black men that we love so much?

Good luck!

Guess What, Honey? I’m A Kinky Old Sod!

So you’ve met the person of your dreams only you haven’t got around to telling your new honey your dirty little secret. The sweet thing hasn’t a clue that you’re itchin’ for some big time bondage. Or that you’d sell your soul to be dominated like the scum that you are. Or you’re salivating over that dildo you have tucked away in the attic, the one that could be mistaken for a floor lamp. Or you’re craving to be spanked till your5.jpg shameless ass glows in the dark. Or you want to hump his/her feet like a dog and gobble up his/her toe jam. Or you have this nasty little thing about spike heels, frilly nickers and jungle red lipstick.

Never fear, Dr. Dick has heard it all a million times before. Some sorry pervert’s got it bad for white bread. Dear Dr. Dick, Help! I’m in love with the sweetest guy/gal in the word, but our sex life is all vanilla all the time. I’m bored shitless! I know how to liven things up, you see I have this fetish (you fill in the blank) but I don’t know how to tell him/her about it and I’m afraid s/he’ll freak if s/he finds out. What’s a perv to do?

Introducing your partner to your personal world of kink is tricky; the whole little love match could blow up in your face. But a life of pretense and sexual boredom isn’t the way to go either. Why not just stand tall like the disgusting pervert you are and brazenly proclaim your fetish to little Mary Sunshine. After all, unless your boyfriend or gal-pal is as dumb as a post s/he’s already figured out that your mutual sex life435_girlshyspanking.jpg limps. Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting an innocent. Who knows, s/he may have secrets of his/her own.

Here’s what I suggest. Casually direct the conversation to the amazing variety of human sexual expression. You could reassure your sweetie that just because some things are unfamiliar to her/him doesn’t make them bad. Tell him/her that you’ve been waiting for your relationship to mature so that you could share the intricacies of your desires with him/her. This can be one of those precious bonding moments that Oprah is always talkin’ about. This might be a good time to view that special video you picked up in the kink section of the local porn emporium. Invite her/him to explore your fantasy with you. Tell the little flower that your love for him/her demands that you share the fullness of your sexuality with 0.jpgher/him. Then pick one turn-on for the two of you to experiment with; lingerie, toys, dominance and submission, role-playing, whatever.

Decide on a safe-word, an out of context word your partner could use if the experiment is heading in an uncomfortable direction. For example, if the dildo is too big or the lipstick is too red, s/he could say “pickles.” The safe-word, when uttered in the scenario, will let you know that you need to change direction or slow down without completely destroying the built up sexual energy.

If this initiation process doesn’t work Dr. Dick suggests that you cut your losses and dump the white bread. Go out and find yourself a kindred spirit, someone you won’t have to apologize to for being creative in your sex play.

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