Dear Dr. Dick I am a 36yr old male, I have come clean with myself and my family about my sexuality about 2 years ago. But before then, I was very much in the closet about my sexuality not only to friends and family but also to myself.To see me or to talk to me you would never know I’m gay, although I believe that this is just a label. I don’t believe I ever want to come out completely. Whenever a conversation comes up at work or I attend a briefing on sexual harassment, there is always a comment about homosexuality, I blush every time this comes up.When I was younger I hid my sexuality and tried to fool myself into thinking I wasn’t. But of course you know that will eat a person alive. I know it did me. So I sought counseling and paved the way for me coming out to a few close people.Anyway, I still struggle with the issue. On the outside I’m as straight as ever, but on the inside I’m gay. Do you have any suggestions to help me over this acceptance of myself?
Honey, as far as Dr. Dick is concerned you haven’t even begun to come out. Sorry to be so blunt, but just identifying your sexual preference to a few individuals “coming clean” as you suggest (hey, we’re talkin about being gay here, not confessing to being an ax murderer) is not the moral equivalent of coming out. If you can’t celebrate your sexuality and, I might add, integrate it into you whole personhood, then you’re not OUT. PERIOD.
It is true what you say about being in the closet and getting eaten alive in there. But if you’re queer on the inside (whatever that means) and straight on the outside (God forbid) then you’re still a danger to yourself. This, is after all, the very definition of schizophrenia, darlin’.
I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that you still have loads of shame about who you are. I encourage you to get back into counseling ASAP until you resolve that. The world does not need any more fence sitters. You’re either gay or you’re not. You either celebrate that (and I don’t mean waving a flag or parading around like a lunatic) or ya don’t.
I don’t suppose any of us is ever really free of all our own internalized homophobia any more than other oppressed and marginalized minorities can rid themselves of their internalized self-doubt. No one can completely escape the prejudices and biases that surround them. But most of us make our way regardless. That’s why coming out is so important. It empowers us. It increases our self-esteem. Honesty about our life increases our personal integrity. When we stop hiding or denying this important part of our life we have greater freedom of self-expression. And we become more available for happy, healthy and honest relationships. So you see, you have a ways to go.
My hubby wants me to have a 3 way with him and another women and I don’t know and I am a little scared I might like it and he wants to have the other women lick me while he plugs her from behind and I am afraid to. We have done a 3 way with him and another guy pound me but they didn’t touch each other so what should I do he has 2 female friends that are willing to try it and I don’t want to lose my hubby so what should I do? — mom in need of help
Very interesting, Liz! And ahhh, what would be so wrong with you enjoying some hot girl on girl action? Isn’t that the purpose? This is where so many men and a whole lot of women are so very different. Men have more permission to be sexually assertive. But if you plan on being an equal partner in these sexual adventures, you’d better buck up, darlin’! To paraphrase the immortal Fats Waller; Find out what you like and how you like it; then make it happen just that way.
Let’s take a closer look at what you tell me about you and your randy husband. Apparently he has no reservations about asking you to have a 3-way with another chick. He thinks it’ll be hot and he wants to go for it. He also has no reservations about a 3-way with another guy, just as long as he doesn’t have to interact with the other dude. You see, he’s pretty clear about what is a turn on for him and he doesn’t hesitate to draw you into his little adventures, does he? Do you just go along with what he dreams up so you don’t lose the big lug? Or is there something enjoyable in it for you? I sure hope it’s the later, darling, because we shouldn’t be doing things, particularly sexual things, under duress — either physical or emotional. If it’s merely a question of perhaps enjoying the attentions of other woman a little too much, I think you’re entitled to that. You could even keep this your little secret, if you wanted to.
Trying new things can be really fun especially when your playing with people you like and are turned on to. If you decide to go for it, I suggest the three of you start your encounter by getting a bite to eat together. A little food and a few cocktails can be a great start to the adventure. You’ll notice almost immediately that a 2-girl and a guy 3-way is a whole lot different than a 2-guy and a girl 3-way. No doubt all three of you will be a little nervous, so make this part of the outing sexy fun and flirtatious. Practice your seduction skills on the other woman. You will soon discover the sexual hierarchy…and there always is one in these kinds of encounters. Make sure you are comfortable with all arrangements made and make sure that they are all mutually agreed upon. If there are any ground rules, this is the time to mention them. The more you discover about your new partner in this non-sexual environment the more prepared you will be for the rest of the evening. If it were me; I’d want to get a sense of how experienced this other chick is at having a 3-way. Women tend to be more accommodating in terms of bisexual behaviors than are men folk. Maybe you could ask her about her sexual fantasies and share some of your own with her. Just remember, you are an equal partner in this ménage. I’d certainly make sure that the she knew what turned you on just so everyone is satisfied in the end.
I hope you write back and let me know how the encounter goes. My interest, of course, is purely scientific, don’t ‘cha know. But I will want all the gory details. And a detailed photo essay would also be appreciated. 😉
After a guy ejaculates can he have another ejaculation? Like after I cum if I put on a cock ring will it stay hard enough to continue with intercourse and achieve another orgasm? I basically want to cum twice in a row.
Yep, that’s doable. All depends on your particular refractory period and how turned on you are. Let’s take a quick look at the male sexual response cycle again, just so we understand what we’re talkin’ about. Ok?
The sexual response cycle refers to the sequence of physiological changes that occur as we become sexually aroused and move through to afterglow. The sexual response cycle has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Both women and men experience these phases of course, although the timing usually is very different for each gender. In addition, the intensity of the response and the time spent in each phase will vary from person to person and from situation to situation. That’s why I say cuming twice in a row is doable. But is it gonna happen for you? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see, huh?
Ok, here goes…
Phase 1: Excitement (or the boner stage)
- Muscle tension increases.
- Heart rate quickens and breathing accelerates.
- Our skin may become flushed particularly on our chest and back).
- Our nipples may become erect.
- Blood flow to the genitals increases, thus the boner.
- Our balls swell, our sack tightens, and we may drip precum. Mmmm, precum!
Phase 2: Plateau (or the strokin’ or pumpin’ stage)
- Everything in phase 1 intensifies.
- Our balls may pull up into body cavity.
- Our breathing, heart rate and blood pressure increase.
- Our toes curl, face contorts and hands clench.
Phase 3: Orgasm (or the “yabba dabba doo” stage)
- Involuntary muscle contractions begin.
- Blood pressure, heart rate and breathing excelerate.
- There’s a rapid intake of oxygen.
- Muscles in the feet spasm.
- There is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension.
- Rhythmic contractions of the muscles at the base of our cock result in the ejaculation of spunk.
- A “sex flush” may appear all over our body.
Phase 4: Resolution (or the “I need a nappy” stage)
- During this phase, the body slowly returns to its normal level of functioning, and the parts of your body that swelled and engorged return to their previous size and color.
- This phase is marked by a general sense of well-being, enhanced intimacy and, often, fatigue.
- Most women are capable of a rapid return to the orgasm phase with further sexual stimulation and may experience multiple orgasms.
Men, on the other hand need a recovery time after orgasm, this period is called the refractory period. This doesn’t have to be the end of sex. Like you suggest, a cockring may prohibit your dick from going soft. But don’t count on an immediate second orgasm, even if your dick stays hard. Don’t forget, the duration of the refractory period varies and is situational. It will also increase as we age.
Good luck ya’ll