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Dr Dick’s Sex Positive Doctrine

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No podcast today; instead there’s this…

Have you ever wondered about the term, sex positive? If you’re like me you see it all over the place, especially on sex-related sites. I confess I use it way more often than I should. It’s become one of those industry buzzwords that has, over time, become so fuzzy around the edges that it’s now virtually meaningless. In fact, if the truth be known, I believe the term sex positive has been taken over by the sex Taliban who have made it a cover for their strict code of political correctness. Oddly enough, this is the very antithesis of its original meaning.

If you want to shame someone in the sex field—be it a sex worker, blogger or adult product manufacturer—you label that person as sex-negative. You may not know anything about that person other than you were offended by something they did, said or made. But still, you hurl the epithet as if you were exorcising a heretic. This is a very powerful tool for keeping people in my industry in line. But I’ve begun to wonder, who is setting themselves up as the arbiter of what is and what is not sex positive? I have to ask: What is the agenda? I mean, could compulsory ideological purity of some artificial standards of thought or behavior be “positive” anything? I say, no!

Like all good ideas that have gone bad due to overuse—or worse, sloppy use—the sex positive concept once had meaning that was life-affirming and enriching. Sex positive has been in the lexicon at least since the mid-1950s. It frequently appears in journals and research papers to describe a movement that examines and advocates for all the other beneficial aspects of sex beyond reproduction.

I’ve been using the term since 1981 when I opened my practice in Clinical Sexology and Sexual Health Care. The opening words of my mission statement read: “I affirm the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond.” Way back then, I was flush with my quixotic pursuit to stand steadfast against all the cultural pressures to negate or denigrate sexuality and pleasure. I dedicated myself to spreading the gospel that healthy attitudes toward sex not only affect a person’s sex life, but his/her ability to relate well with others.

This came relatively easy for me, because I’d learned something very important about evangelization in my life as a Catholic priest. (Another quixotic pursuit, but we’ll have to save the details of that misadventure for another time.) One of the first things one learns in seminary is how to proselytize, to sow the seeds of a creed, and then nurture them taking root by endless repetition of the articles of faith. Of course there is a downside to this, too. Repetition fosters mindlessness, stifles creative thought, and worse makes things boring.

But the creed statements of the world’s three great monotheistic religions are masterful works of theological art.

Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu Melekh ha’olam!
Allaahu Akbar!
In the name of the Father, and of the Son and the of the Holy Spirit!

Each contains the most profound kernel of religious truth the believer needs to know, but all are easy enough for a child to learn. And like I said, the secret is in the repetition. For the true devotee, these creedal statements are uttered dozens of times a day and to great effect.

Early on in my career as a sexologist, I decided to put the principles I learned in the Church into disseminating my new belief system. First, keep the message simple! I settled on: “Sex is Good—and Good Sex is Even Better.” This has been my mantra for decades. It contains everything you need to know about being sex positive, but it’s easy enough for a child to learn. Even now, I close each of my podcasts with this same article of faith. To this day it soothes me to hear myself say these words. And it comforts me in the same way blessing myself did in my priestly days.

Despite my apprehensions, I continue to be an apostle of the sex positive doctrine. I know that even though my industry has corrupted the concept, others have yet to hear the good news. And there’s something almost spiritual about seeing someone grasp the idea for the first time. Let me tell you about one such instance. Some while ago I was asked to offer a workshop for a group of doctors on the topic: Health Care Concerns Of Sexually Diverse Populations. Unfortunately, just a handful of doctors attended the workshop—which was pretty disconcerting, considering all the work I’d put into the presentation. I guess that’s why kinksters and pervs, as well as your run-of-the-mill queer folk, are often frustrated in their search for sensitive and lifestyle-attuned healing and helping professionals.

Since the group of doctors attending was so small, I decided to ask them to pull their chairs in a circle so that our time together could be a bit more informal and intimate. Frankly, I’ve never found it easy talking to doctors about sex; and discussing kinky sex was surely going to be very tricky. So, I decided to start off as gently as I could. My opening remarks included the phrases “sex positive” and “kink positive.”

Sitting as close to my audience as I was, I could see at once that these fundamental concepts weren’t registering with them. I was astonished. Here was a group of physicians, each with a large urban practice. Could they really be this out of touch? I quickly checked in with them to see if my perception was correct. I was right! None of them had heard the term, sex positive. The two who hazarded a guess at its meaning thought it had something to do with being HIV+. I had my work cut out for me.

I decided to share my creed with them. “Sex is Good—and Good Sex is Even Better.” I asked them repeat it with me as if I were teaching a catechism to children. Surprisingly, they did so without resistance. After we repeated the mantra a couple more times, I exposed them to the sex positive doctrine unencumbered by political correctness.

  • Sex Is Good! Sex is a positive force in human development; the pursuit of pleasure, including sexual pleasure, is at the very foundation of a harmonious society.
  • And Good Sex Is Even Better! The individual makes that determination. For example, what I decide is good sex for me, may be boring sex to someone else. And their good sex may be hair-raising to me. In other words, consensual sexual expression is a basic human right regardless of the form that expression takes. And it’s not appropriate for me, or anyone else, to call into question someone else’s consensual affectional choices.
  • Sex Is Good! Everyone has a right to clear, unambiguous sexual health information. It must be presented in a nonjudgmental way, particularly from his or her health care providers. And sexual health encompasses a lot more then just disease prevention, and contraception.
  • And Good Sex Is Even Better! The focus is on the affirmative aspects of sexuality, like sexual pleasure. Sexual wellbeing is more than simply being able to perform. It also means taking responsibility for one’s eroticism as an integral part of one’s personality and involvement with others.
  • Sex Is Good! Each person is unique and that must be respected. Our aim as healing and helping professionals is to provide information and guidance that will help the individual approach his/her unique sexuality in a realistic and responsible manner. This will foster his/her independent growth, personal integrity, as well as provide a more joyful experience of living.
  • And Good Sex Is Even Better! Between the extremes of total sexual repression and relentless sexual pursuit, a person can find that unique place, where he/she is free to live a life of self-respect, enjoyment and love.

Finally I told them they ought to think creatively how they could adapt this concept to their own practice. It was up to each of them to make this creed their own. As it turned out, this primer was just the thing to open my planned discussion of health of kinksters.

In a way this experience was a bit of a spiritual reawakening for me, too. Despite my misgivings about the contamination of the sex positive doctrine by malicious people bent on using it as a weapon against those they disagree with. I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to watch these sex positive novices hear, and then embrace, the message for the first time. It was nothing short of a religious experience.

Moist, Damp, WET!

We’re back with yet another Product Review Friday and it’s an all lube day, thank you very much! Yes siree folks, these slip-sliddin review products came to us by way of our friends at Wet.

We have a selection of 4 of the best selling Wet products to tell you about today. Dr Dick Review Crew members — Christa, Carlos, Joy & Dixie and Mick & Chuck, have the lowdown.

Wet Platinum Bodyglide —— $12.03

Christa
I’m just a teensy bit of a lube fanatic. There I said it! The reason I’m like this is I learned about four years ago that my mother had to suffer through sex with my father for years, because neither one of them knew anything about personal lubricants. That just makes me so angry. My mother’s whole life would have been different had there been lube available to her. She probably would have enjoyed sex instead of experiencing it as a painful troublesome chore.

I sometimes wonder how many other women, even nowadays, have no information or access to a good personal lubricant. You know what I think? I think there should be some kind of foundation or nonprofit organization that has as its mission the education and dispensing lube wherever women gather. Imagine how transformational that would be.

Ok, I’ll get off my soapbox now. I’m just glad that I live in this day and age. I can hardly imagine my sex life with out lube. So I’m always up for trying a new product. And Wet Platinum Bodyglide made my day.

Silicone based lubes are my favorite for just about every kind of sex, except, that is, for use with my silicone toys. Silicone based lubes last longer than water-based lubricants and they are also water resistant. Wet Platinum Bodyglide keeps everything slippery with just few drops, so this product will last and last. This is the ideal lube for ass play and it’s latex compatible (use a condom!). My little sub ass whore of a BF really loves Wet Platinum Bodyglide too. And if he gets off on it, you know it’s good. He’s like the total ass play lube connoisseur.

Wet Platinum Bodyglide has a slightly thinner consistency than some of the other premium lube brands I’ve tried, but that hasn’t been an issue for me or the BF. It certainly is less expensive than a lot of the other premium brands, so there’s that. And there is no discernible taste or smell, which is a very good thing in my book.

Ya know what I liked? I really liked the bottle design. I know that doesn’t sound like an important thing, but it is. The Wet Platinum Bodyglide bottle has a notch in the side that makes holding on to it, even with lubed-up fingers very easy. Now that’s being thoughtful in the design department, if you ask me. Other lube bottles are smooth and cylindrical and they just slip through one’s fingers. And that can and often does make spilling the lube a problem.
Full Review HERE
Wet Original Classic —— $9.11

Carlos
I was given a 3.5oz container of Wet Original Classic to use for my review. It’s nice that I got as much as I did. I hate trying to review a lube product with only a tiny sample packet.

The 3.5 oz container provided me more then enough lube for several play events, both by myself and with my wife. The beautiful thing about water based lubes, like Wet Original, is that it’s non-greasy. And that makes clean up a breeze. And it will never stain clothing, furniture or sheets. I love that!

Wet Original is actually a moisturizing gel, so it has a thicker consistency than some other water based lubes I’ve tried. I like that too, a lot.

It comes in a handy flip-top plastic bottle. It has a textured notch on its side that makes holding on to the bottle and opening and closing it effortless even with slippery hands and fingers.

I’m often frustrated by water based lubes because they tend to dry out pretty fast. But Wet Original is surprising long-lasting. I actually had to reread the label to make sure it was water based. That was kind of funny.

You can use Wet Original with all your favorite toys too, especially silicone and cyberskin toys.
Full Review HERE

Wet Naturals Beautifully Bare —— $9.11

Joy & Dixie
Dixie: “Wet Naturals Beautifully Bare is about the best lube I have ever used. I love this stuff.”
Joy: “I totally second that! Before we tried Beautifully Bare you would have had a very hard time convincing me that a water-based lube could be this amazing. I can’t sing its praises enough.”
Dixie: “Its hypo-allergenic formula is free of the additives that one commonly finds in lube, like glycerin and parabens. And trust me, finding a high quality lube that doesn’t contain a lot of dubious chemicals isn’t easy. That’s why Joy and I are so stoked about Beautifully Bare. Everyone, but especially women; even those of us with very sensitive skin can now play worry-free.”
Joy: “Beautifully Bare is enriched with vitamins and botanicals that make this lube a safe supplement to my own wetness. It absorbs easily into my skin; there is no residue or stickiness.”
Dixie: “It comes in a flip-top plastic bottle that is easy to open and close. And there is an easy-grip notch on the side of the bottle that makes it easy to handle even with lubed up fingers. I thought that was a very thoughtful design.”
Joy: “Because Beautifully Bare is water-based there’s a no hassle clean up. It won’t stain or discolor clothing or bedding and it is tasteless and odorless. I am so impressed with this stuff.”
Dixie: “And all of this at a bargain basement price!”
Joy: “Beautifully Bare is ideal for jilling-off, it’s condom compatible and is great with all my toys.”
Dixie: “It may not last as long as our favorite silicone-based lube, but most of the time, when I’m enjoying myself by myself, I don’t need that kind of staying power.”
Full Review HERE

Wet Oil Base —— $9.26

Mick & Chuck
Mick: “For review purposes, we received a 3.8oz plastic bottle of Wet Oil Base body glide lube. Just so you know, this is the first oil-based lube we’ve ever tried.”
Chuck: “This stuff rocks for jerkin off. I mean, we didn’t know what we were missing till Mick and I landed this Wet Oil Base for review.”
Mick: “Chuck and I sometimes have marathon edging sessions. We slip on our favorite cockring, pop in a hot porn DVD or two and stroke ourselves silly.”
Mick: “My dick used to get sore when all we had was water-based lube for these events. And there was the endless adding lube when the water-based stuff dried out, which it does very easily.”
Chuck: “So true. But Wet Oil Base is different, because it lasts and lasts. What a difference an oil-based formula makes!”
Mick: “You’ll want to be careful not to get this stuff on furniture. It’s a bitch to clean up. So when we’re havin one of our pullin our pud contests; we just put down some towels and let it rip!”
Chuck: “And just so you know; Wet Oil Base is not recommended for use with latex condoms.”
Mick: “And ya know my skin feels so soft and smooth after using this stuff. I guess it contains a bunch of moisturizers and whatnot.”
Chuck: “It’s odorless and colorless and it’s intended for external use only. So keep that in mind.”
Mick: “We think every guy should have a stash of Wet Oil Base for those times when only a little stroke session will do.”
Full Review HERE

ENJOY

Kevin Keck Returns — Podcast #169 — 11/23/09

Hey sex fans,

The hilarious Kevin Keck is back with us again this week.  And we are treated to an even arts_cover2-1_47more intimate look into The Erotic Mind of this enormously talented essayist, poet, teacher and comedic genus than we got last week.  As you know, this is the podcast series where noted erotic artists of every stripe come to talk to us about the creative process involved with this specialized art form.  Kevin’s insights are both humorous and poignant, and not to be missed.

You did hear last week’s show, right?  If ya didn’t that’s ok, because Part 1 of our chat is archived right here on my site.  Simply use the search function to your right.  Type in Podcast #167 and voilà!  But hey, don’t forget to use the #sign when you search.

Kevin and I discuss:

  • People’s response to his confessional sex writing.
  • The universality of awkward sexual moments.
  • When sexuality goes awry.
  • Happening truth, story truth and emotional truth.
  • Self-consciousness about bodily functions.
  • The work of Rachel Kramer Bussel.
  • Being the father of identical twin daughters.
  • His father to son talk about girls.
  • Telling stories that entertain.
  • How sexual issues creep into his other writing.

Kevin treats us to a brief reading of his work during our conversation, but I think we deserve even more.  So I’ve taken the liberty of tacking on an audio clip of Kevin reading a full segment of the fruit of his Erotic Mind.  Stay tuned after the show for this extraordinary treat.

For more of Kevin reading his work, check out this download site HERE!  And be sure to visit him on his website HERE!  Or his Facebook page HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

 

Take A Deep Breath

Name: Jake
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: London
I have never had sex mostly because I have never managed to approach the person. I am bisexual and am desperate to have sex with a guy or girl. What are the best ways to approach someone for sex?

Can’t manage to approach a person for sex?  Are you just really shy, or are you a total geek?  Either way, my friend, you gotta get over yourself if you ever hope to get laid.  And here’s a tip:  perspective partners can smell desperation, like the kind you speak of, a mile away.  And they will avoid you like the plague.

Ok, so you’re just 18 without a lot of experience in the ways of the world.  teen_sexuality.jpgHere’s what I tell everyone who asks me this question, regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation.  When it comes to asking for sex; the direct approach works best.  Just so long as you’re not a dick about it.  If you haven’t already discovered this, baggin a bird will probably take a bit more finesse than pokin’ on a bloke.  And coming on to a mate demands a different approach than hittin’ up a stranger for a shag.

If there’s a bit of charm about you, your task will be considerably easier than if you are a crude Neanderthal who just wants to notch his belt.  If you’re not sure what your selling points are, ask a friend for his or her feedback.  If he or she tells you nice things bout yourself, you might be in luck.  If he or she tells you that you’re a charmless creep, you’ll have your work cut out for you.

Regardless what group you fall into — the “maybe fuckable”, or the “not fucking ever”, you can always improve your image and hone your unique style.  Look to how you present yourself; make sure you are groomed, clean and odor-free.  Dress to impress.  Stay clear of fancy or fussy, but do make it look like you gave your cloths a thought before you dressed yourself.  Make yourself interesting; have a point of view, but share it sparingly.  Develop a sense of humor about yourself.  If you can’t be clever or witty, then keep your mouth shut for the most part.

boys_kissing05.jpgThe internet is a great place to test the waters.  Dating and hook-up sites abound.  Put up a profile…with a photo or two.  Here’s a tip, save the dick pics for the queer sites.  Women don’t want to see your pathetic willie, at least not right away.  And like I said above, there’s nothing more unattractive to most women, or men, than a desperate fuck.  Asking for what you want is good, pleading to be taken out of pity is not!

Few women are as casual about sex as are most men.  So if a woman tells you no, she just may be shy, or not ready, or not sure.  If a guy tell you no, it’s not the end of the world.  He’s probably not into your type.  Since there are so many fish in the sea, if you’re not immediately successful, move on.  Sometimes getting laid is a situational thing.  Being in the right place at the right time is helpful.

Chicks are gonna be concerned about the whole pregnancy thing. This is much more serious concern for a woman then for a dude. If you’re not well versed on all methods of contraception and willing to practice at least one, you’re not ready to have sex. Sexually transmitted infections ought to be a concern for you both.  Don’t be a fuck-up; always use a condom regardless of your partner’s gender.

condoms001.jpg

If you’re dick is hard, it’s not the right time to talk about sex with a woman, but it might be the best time to hit up a dude.  Women don’t necessarily like the lean and hungry look.  Men tend to groove on it.

There are lots of different ways to have sex, so what might be appealing to one person may not be to another.  Hand jobs and/or blow jobs are often more easy to cum by than full-on fucking with both birds and blokes.

In the end, there no standard way to ask for sex, but if you treat a prospective partner, regardless of gender, with respect, honesty, and patience, you can be sure whatever words you use will be more effective than if you’re an uncouth lout.

Name: Nita
Gender: female
Age: 40
Location: South Africa
I recently had abdominal surgery to remove a cancer.  I’m recovering pretty well, and the prognosis for my future is also pretty good.  But I am noticing two problems. The surgery left a really big scar.  It’s still not fully healed yet, but I can tell it’s always going to be ugly.  And my belly is really misshapen now. I felt pretty okay about my body before hand, but this scar really makes me look really unattractive.  Also, my sex drive has completely gone away. I used to be a pretty sexual person, but now nothing excites me. Would you say this is normal?

How long ago was your surgery, I wonder?  It’s got to be pretty recent, if you say the incision is still healing.

Darlin’, may I suggest that you’ve been through quite a trauma — a cancer diagnosis, recent surgery and all.  This would throw anyone for a loop.  I’d be willing to guess you’ve not had the proper time to process all of this.  It comes as no surprise to me that your libido has gone south.  I wouldn’t expect otherwise.

If you’re still healing on the outside, you know for sure your insides have a much longer way to go.  You’re probably still feeling some discomfort, right?  That’s enough to put the kibosh on sexual interest right there.  You’re body is consumed with the job of healing itself.  It probably hasn’t any energy to spare for sex.  And why have a libido if ya can’t be sexual, right?   So you see, your body is actually protecting itself and concentrating on the task at hand.sensual_massage110.JPG

Maybe at this point in your recovery a little pampering would be better for you than a pursuit of sexual pleasure.  Long luxurious baths will help soothe the tension, as well as giving your easy access to your fine pussy.  Even folks with no discernable libido find touching themselves enjoyable. And just to keep your head in the game, even though you’re sitting on the sidelines, you could read some erotica or watch some sexy smut.

Some modest exercise like walking or swimming can perk up the libido too.  Treat yourself to an erotic massage.  Let a pro get his or her hands on you and make you glow.  This may also help bring back some of the sensitivity to areas effected by the surgery.  One things for sure, doing something is better than doing nothing but sitting there wondering what’s up.

An invasive and disfiguring surgery will always have a profound effect on one’s body image, which goes without saying.  Feeling unattractive because of a scar? No doubt about it, it’s a bummer.  But here you are writing to me about it, instead of napping six-feet under.  So I guess the scar is not the worst thing that could have happened, right?  As you probably know, I’m hearing from a number of my country’s war vets returning home with shattered bodies and lives.  My advice to them is what I offer you now.  Move through the scar’s impact…with a therapist if need be.  And find within yourself the other things that make you beautiful, attractive, alluring and desirable. Who knows, you might luck out and find a scar fetishist out there who will worship you for what you find loathsome.

mastectomy_scars.jpgEmbracing and then moving past your scaring will open you to find the myriad pleasures your body can still provide you and others.  So while your body works on healing itself, your mind can do likewise.  No need to have two scars, on one your belly and another one on your psyche.  In the end you may find that flaunting your scar, like some women do with their mastectomy scars, will liberate you from feeling unattractive.  After all, that scare and misshapen abdomen are your red badges of courage, honey.  Not only do they make you distinct, but also they testify to you being a survivor.

Name: David
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Location: New York, NY
This is a rather disgusting question. I am a gay male who prefers to be the bottom. The trouble is that even if I perform an enema right before sex, I still seem to get some excrement onto my partner’s penis during sex. It just seems that the feeling of the motion back and forth inside of me causes a sensation that makes something come out. The odor is, at times, unpleasant and I, of course, am mortified. I wonder if this is a common problem and if there is anything else I can do to PREVENT this from happening?? Could it perhaps be my diet? Do I need to drink more water?

YIKES!  You sound like a real attractive guy, David.  Just kidding!

If you are douching properly before the butt fucking there shouldn’t be much seepage if any.  Maybe you’re not taking care of business correctly.  Or maybe you need to douche twice.  Or maybe you’re being fucked too hard.  I know that a vigorous fucking will introduce more air into the bottom’s rectum expanding it and making for that “OMG, I gotta take a dump” feeling.butt_fuck5.jpg

I understand you being mortified; a smelly dirty fuck is no fun for anyone.  That being said, you have to realize your bowels are working properly, so it’s not their fault.  Just remember, there will inevitably be some unpleasant side effects when rootin’ around in someone’s hole, regardless how fastidious the bottom is about his hygiene.

I’m not sure I see the connection between diet and hydration and messy fucking, but hell, I’d try just about anything to keep from embarrassing myself when my toes are pointed to jesus!

Name: Ken
Gender:
Age: 42
Location: Seattle
I recently went to get a massage with a “happy ending” As soon as the girl started to fondle me I came and I did not even have an erection yet.  I never have this problem with my wife or past girlfriends. Why did this happen? It sure cost a lot of money for about five minutes with this “lady”. Thanks

Well, let’s see…either this “masseuse” (and I use that term very loosely) was amazingly talented, or you were just real nervous about doing this naughty thing with someone other than your wife.

Hmmm, I bet it was the later.

Here’s a tip, always get the massage first…before the happy ending.  If the first thing that happens is the happy ending, then you got gypped, darlin’!

Name: Marion
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: NYC
I’m 34 and single.  After 15 years of unsuccessful dating, searching for the right guy to marry and raise a family with, I decided to go it alone.  I’m 2 months pregnant through artificial insemination.  You’ll love this; the donor is my best gay pal.  I am absolutely delighted and cherish the thought of finally being a mother.  While a lot of the guys I’ve been dating aren’t father material, they are great sex and I don’t want to continue to enjoy their company.  I gather that it’s safe to have sex during pregnancy.  But is there anything I should avoid?  Are there specific sexual positions that better suit a mommy-to-be like me?

Hey, congratulations on the bun in the oven, darlin’.  And how true about some men being great in the sack, but not desirable husband and/or father material.  I know several gay men who have helped out a long-suffering straight and lesbian friends with the whole breeding thing.  Us “mos” are so selfless in that regard.  😉

It’s difficult to find accurate and unambiguous information about sex preg_sex01jpg.jpgduring pregnancy that doesn’t have a decidedly sex-negative bias to it.  For the most part, our culture promotes the message that sex is primarily for procreation.  Why then would any responsible mother to be continue to have sex if she’s already knocked up?  You can see where a lot of the misconceptions, misinformation and scare tactics come from, huh?

So let’s see if we can shed some light on this for ya.  As a pregnancy advances, the fertilized egg grows into an embryo and then into a fetus. The fetus is encased in and protected by the amniotic cavity.  This provides the fetus nourishment and protects it from infections.  A thick layer of mucus seals the cervix further isolating the fetus in the mother’s uterus.

If you’re having a normal pregnancy, as do most women, then there is no reason to alter your sex life during your pregnancy.  Since this is your first, you’ll not know this, but a woman who has a history of premature birth may be advised by her physician to abstain from partnered sex during the last three months of pregnancy.  In the same way, a woman with a history of miscarriage will probably be advised to avoid partnered sex in the first trimester.  Only women with high-risk pregnancies might be advised to avoid sex for the full term of the pregnancy.

Nature provides all protection the fetus needs in its mother’s uterus. So you don’t need to worry about semen or vaginal fluids coming into contact with the baby.  And the mucus seal on your cervix does not allow a penis to come in direct contact with the fetus either.  Which dispels several misconceptions right there, don’t cha know.

In terms of pregnancy related sex, I suspect that your libido will probably play a more determining role in your availability for sex than you capacity to have sex.  Your libido will no doubt fluctuate during your pregnancy, which may have a lot to do with hormonal fluctuations.  Increased blood circulation in your pelvic region will heighten sensations, but you may find your body feels too heavy to fully enjoy sex.

Most men will love your bigger tits and fuller hips, but sometimes an overriding concern to avoid any exertion on the uterus or in the vagina makes partnered sex too cumbersome.

Sex during pregnancy, like sex after menopause, is free of worry about contraception, which makes sex more enjoyable for some.  While others are too busy anticipating the new addition to be much interested in sex at all.

In terms of sexual positions, you’re gonna be the best judge of that.  No preg_sex08.jpgposition is automatically ruled out, but as your pregnancy progresses you’ll find some positions, like the missionary position, will be uncomfortable. One of the best positions might be the woman on top position. Sometimes known as the Cowgirl position.  This position takes all of the pressure off of the woman’s abdomen, and also allows her to control the speed and the depth of thrusting.

And if you are a fan of anal sex; that will continue to be a terrific option throughout your pregnancy, particularly doggie style.  Some pregnant women claim that butt fucking actually helps soothe their pregnancy induced hemorrhoids.  In your final weeks mutual masturbation may be the easiest option as well as the most satisfying sexual outlet.

Good Luck ya’ll

As You Like It!

Name: Wang
Gender:
Age: 33
Location: Cambodia
First of all, sorry for my bad english, I’m foriener. I live in Cambodia and sometime in Thailand. I really has a big problem, I’m so afraid of getting HIV. Last week I went to have an oil massage service in cambodia. The massager offered me a speacial service, using her naked body to rubb or grind all over my body. Not intend to have an unprotected sex, so she just gave me a hand job. No any outercourse activities were performed. Only her outer vagina accidently touch (contact) to my penis just 2-3 second when she got up off my body. I think she may be have or may be not have any vagina secretion or other fluied. But I still worried of getting and hiv if her outer vagina touched to the tip of my penis . So, here is my question 1. Do I have any risk or chance of getting an hiv? 2.Should I have to worried? Or do I have to get blood test? I’m really sure that no any insertion penis to the vagina, no intercourse, just accidently “touch” for 2-3 second. All comments are worth for me. Please give me your opinion.

If you are accurately describing what happened between you and the sexually aggressive masseuse, then I don’t think you have anything to worry about in terms of HIV transmission. Were you able to wash up after the event? A little soap and water is always helpful. There is virtually no chance that an accidental brushing of your cock on her pussy lips is gonna give you HIV. So relax, dude!

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That being said, I suggest you get tested anyway; and here’s why. I am of the mind that all sexually active people should test for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections regularly…at least twice a year. All you sexual athletes out there should test every other month. You shouldn’t even think about it, you should just do it. It is painless, discreet, but most importantly, it’s the responsible thing to do. If you make it part of your lifestyle, then there’ll be no embarrassment associated with the trip to your doctor or the local clinic. Make this happen, people!

Name: Gabe
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Location: Salt Lake City
I travel a lot for work and often get really lonely on long trips. I’m not much for going to bars, because I don’t drink. And the idea of looking for sex in a bathhouse or sex club, or worse in the bushes, really puts me off. Lately I’ve been thinking I should just hire an escort, but I wouldn’t even know what to do. This must be a pretty common phenomenon thought because I see tons of ads for escorts on line in every city I go to. Any suggestions on how someone new at this might proceed?

Sure darlin’, I have a load of suggestions.

I presume you’ve ordered out for food on occasion while you travel for business, right? Finding a satisfying “order out” sexual adventure is not fundamentally different than that. In the case of an escort, the commodities are charming company, erotic massage, and perhaps a little sex; instead of potstickers, mu shu pork and Kung Pao Chicken.

male_torso.JPGAs you know, not all order out is created equal. There is bad food and unsavory escorts. So you’re gonna need to do some homework. You already know there are loads of escort or rent-boy sites on the net. There are also several review sites, where customers of the providers leave their comments regarding levels of satisfaction and the like. Most escorts out there, particularly the really good ones, immediately call your attention to the reviews they receive. This is a good policy for both provider and consumer alike. It’s like having the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval stamped on your ass.

I have a sense that some of my readers are turning up their nose at this discussion. I often hear from folks that they don’t have to PAY for sex. Oh yeah? Here’s the thing, sex fans; no sex is free. There may not be direct commerce in hard cold cash, but there’s a commercial aspect to all sex…even, or should I say especially, in marriage. So if we could jettison the moral high-horse thing, right about now, I’d appreciate it.

Ok, so now that we have that out of the way, we can get back to your question, Gabe. Once you’ve decided to proceed, start by interviewing a few working boys. This can initially be done via email. Ask for further information about his services and rates. Many escorts have more photos of themselves available to be sent to prospective clients; so you might respectfully request those. If at all possible, include a photo of yourself, or at the very least an accurate description of yourself.

In all communication with the service provider, NEVER suggest that you are offering money for sex. In most jurisdictions that’s against the law. While we all know that the client hopes to get laid in the encounter, the money exchanged is not for the sex. Rather it’s for the provider’s time, company and expertise. This may sound like splitting hairs and maybe it is. But in this arrangement, if sex actually happens, consenting adults are mutually agreeing to it during the prearranged time together.

Curiously enough, many of the sex professionals I know, and I know a lot of ‘em, tell me that a sizable portion of their clientele only want their company and companionship. Outright sex never enters the equation.

Finding the right escort for you is your task. Know what you want and know how to ask for it. Don’t waste your time or that of the provider by beating around the bush. If you are new at this, say so. The rent-boy, if he’s any good at all, will be familiar with this territory and help you though the initial conversation.

There are different levels of pros out there; each will have his own fee structure for services provided. If you’re looking for something kinky, be ready to pay lots more. Never try to haggle with the provider. If he’s out of your price range, move along. Or you could simply come right out with it and say, “Listen, I have X amount of money to spend and I’m looking for some delightful company. Are you available?” This way you let the provider decide if he has the time to spare at the discounted rate. You’d be a fool not to insist on safe-sex, but there’s a shit-load of fools out there.

Not all sex workers are prostitutes because they want to be. Some are supporting a drug habit, some are working their way though college. For some it’s survival sex. For others it’s acting out behavior. But most guys turn pro because they’re good at what they do. And most enjoy the accompanying lifestyle. The truly successful provider will have a string of regulars, men they have a somewhat more intimate connection with. Kinda like finding a great Chinese restaurant and becoming a regular there. The proprietor may just offer you something not found on the menu as a way of acknowledging your preferred customer status. Get it?

Some Johns, use the service of an agency — think Elliot Spitzer. Sometimes that can be a more reliable way to go at first. However, I am of the mind that the hard-working independent entrepreneur is best.

When arranging an outcall to your hotel, there may be an additional surcharge for traveling time and transportation — think gas prices. This should be agreed upon before the deal is struck.

Most independent escorts offer both incalls as well as outcalls. They usually work out of their home or apartment and many of these escorts have day jobs. Some independent escorts also work in the porn industry. If this floats your boat, you will definitely pay a premium for a date with a star.

You’ll also find among the independent providers that unique phenomenon — Gay For Pay. These guys are ostensibly “straight”…and I put that word in quotes and use it very lightly. GFP guys have gay sex with gay men for money. In the old days, we used to refer to them as trade. And as we in the business say, “today’s trade is tomorrow’s competition;” if you catch my drift.

At any rate, like I said at the beginning, a wise and informed consumer is happy and satisfied consumer.

Name: robin
Gender: female
Age: 44
Location: valparaiso, florida
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year we have always had frontal sex and last night we had anal sex does this mean there is a change in his feelings in our relationship or just to try something different?

Since I am of the mind that anal sex is a natural variation of human sexual expression, which is enjoyed by loads and loads of people all over the world, I suspect that your boyfriend was just trying something different. I wouldn’t read too much into it if I were you. However, the only way to know for sure is ask him outright.

What’s so curious about your message is that you say absolutely nothing about your response to thisshe_anal.jpg new sex play. Did it come as a surprise? Is it safe to assume you were the bottom during this little adventure? Was this a new experience for you? Did you enjoy it? Gosh, seems to me you have lots to talk about with the BF, right? I mean, if I’m curious as all get-out about your reactions, and I don’t even know you; imagine how interested he must be in hearing from you. Why he doesn’t just ask is beyond me.

One thing I’d love to know is, if you bottomed this time, is there a chance he’ll bottom for you in the future? Pegging (you know, you with a strap-on or a SHARE) is all the rage these days. In fact, in my private practice I often see straight men who are curious about ass play…their ass. But they’re afraid to bring up the topic of pegging with their girlfriends or wives, because they think the women might think they’ve turned queer. That simply isn’t the case. One of the suggestions I often make to my butt-curious male clients is that they initiate anal sex with their female partners…the chick as the bottom. Then if that goes well, they could suggest that their partner pleasure their bum in just the same way.

I know it’s kind of a roundabout way of asking for what you want, but it often gets the job done.

In honor of gay pride month, a little sex history lesson — The Stonewall Riots

The confrontations between demonstrators and police at The Stonewall Inn, a mafia owned bar in Greenwich Village NYC over the weekend of June 27-29, 1969 are usually cited as the beginning of the modern Lesbian/Gay liberation Movement. What might have been just another routine police raid onstonewall.jpg a bar patronized by homosexuals became the pivotal event that sparked the entire modern gay rights movement.

The Stonewall riots are now the stuff of myth. Many of the most commonly held beliefs are probably untrue. But here’s what we know for sure.

  • In 1969, it was illegal to operate any business catering to homosexuals in New York City — as it still is today in many places in the world. The standard procedure was for New York City’s finest to raid these establishments on a regular basis. They’d arrest a few of the most obvious ‘types’ harass the others and shake down the owners for money, then they’d let the bar open as usual by the next day.
  • Myth has it that the majority of the patrons at the Stonewall Inn were black and Hispanic drag queens. Actually, most of the patrons were probably young, college-age white guys lookin for a thrill and an evening out of the closet, along with the usual cadre of drag queens and hustlers. It was reasonably safe to socialize at the Stonewall Inn for them, because when it was raided the drag queens and bull-dykes were far more likely to be arrested then they were.
  • After midnight June 27-28, 1969, the New York Tactical Police Force called a raid on The Stonewall Inn at 55 Christopher Street in NYC. Many of the patrons who escaped the raid stood around to witness the police herding the “usual suspects” into the waiting paddywagons. There had recently been several scuffles where similar groups of people resisted arrest in both Los Angeles and New York.
  • Stonewall was unique because it was the first time gay people, as a group, realized that what threatened drag queens and bull-dykes threatened them all.
  • Many of the onlookers who took on the police that night weren’t even homosexual. Greenwich Village was home to many left-leaning young people who had cut their political teeth in the civil rights, anti-war and women’s lib movements.
  • As people tied to stop the arrests, the mêlée erupted. The police barricaded themselves inside the bar. The crowd outside attempted to burn it down. Eventually, police reinforcements arrived to disperse the crowd. But this just shattered the protesters into smaller groups that continued to mill around the streets of the village.
  • A larger crowd assembled outside the Stonewall the following night. This time young gay men and women came to protest the raids that were commonplace in the city. They held hands, kissed and formed a mock chorus line singing; “We are the Stonewall Girls/We wear our hair in curls/We have no underwear/We show our pubic hair.” Don’t ‘cha just love it?
  • Police successfully dispersed this group without incident. But the print media picked up the story. Articles appeared in the NY Post, Daily News and The Village Voice. Theses helped galvanize the community to rally and fight back.
  • Within a few days, representatives of the Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis (two of the country’s first homophile rights groups) organized the city’s first ever “Gay Power” rally in Washington Square. Some give hundred protesters showed up; many of them gay and lesbians.

stonewall02.jpgThe riots led to calls for homosexual liberation. Fliers appeared with the message: “Do you think homosexuals are revolting? You bet your sweet ass we are!” And the rest, boys and girls, is as they say is history.

During the first year after Stonewall, a whole new generation of organizations emerged, many identifying themselves for the first time as “Gay.” This not only denoted sexual orientation, but a radical way to self-identify with a growing sense of open political activism. Older, more staid homophile groups soon began to make way for the more militant groups like the Gay Liberation Front.

The vast majority of these new activists were under thirty; dr dick’s generation, don’t cha know. We were new to political organizing and didn’t know that this was as ground-breaking as it was. Many groups formed on colleges campuses and in big cities around the world.

By the following summer, 1970, groups in at least eight American cities staged simultaneous events commemorating the Stonewall riots on the last Sunday in June. The events varied from a highly political march of three to five thousand in New York to a parade with floats for 1200 in Los Angeles. Seven thousand showed up in San Francisco.

Finally, HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! all you hot daddies.

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