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The film making us face the idea disabled people have sex

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‘Yes We Fuck’ is an uncompromising look at the reality that disabled people have sex lives too. We caught up with director and disability activist Antonio Centeno to find out more

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Yes We Fuck

As a society we’re becoming more accepting of sexuality in all its guises and forms – and rightly so. 2015 could be seen as the year when trans issues finally broke through into the mainstream after decades spent on the margins of society, while more and more women in particular are joining the sexually fluid revolution. And yet for all of our talk, there’s one conversation that we’re not having – about how disabled people have sex.

Spanish director and disability activist Antonio Centeno wants to tackle this prudishness head-on. His film Yes We Fuck (which is co-directed with Raúl de la Morena) is a no-holds barred look at the world of disabled sexuality, with uncompromising visuals (of people having sex) and a strong sense of moral purpose. Centeno shows human intimacy in all its forms, and what strikes you from watching the film is that the issues faced by disabled people when it comes to their sex lives aren’t so dissimilar to those faced by the rest of the population.

Watching the film, which recently showed at the British Film Institute’s Flare festival, at times makes for uncomfortable viewing. You’re discomfited by the fact that the sexuality depicted on our TVs and in popular culture almost uniformly represents one experience: that of heterosexual intimacy between two able-bodied, cis-gendered people.

Yes We Fuck is an uplifting, refreshing corrective to the narrative that disabled people are in some way sexless, made noble by the struggles they undergo to assimilate into a society that is in many ways ableist. The film isn’t perfect – sections are too long, and while Centeno wants to depict the reality of disabled people having sex, at times the camera lingers too long or in a way that feels intrusive. It’s clear that this is very much a passion project from the fledging director, and one which could perhaps have profited from tauter editing. Nonetheless, it’s rare to see a film which so profoundly makes you confront your own prejudices to recognize that we all of us share a common humanity and a common desire to express that humanity through the most natural act of all – the act of fucking, of course.

To find why we need to get on board with the fact that disabled people fuck like the rest of us, Dazed caught up with Centeno at the BFI. Below is the transcript of our conversation, which has been edited for flow and clarity.

 

Can you give us a bit of background as to why you made Yes We Fuck? Is this an issue that’s particularly close to home for you?

Antonio Centeno: By background I’m an activist and I’ve always advocated for helping disabled people, or those with functional diversity as we prefer to call them, to lead independent lives wherever possible. For us, this is a political issue. If we want people with functional diversity to have real lives – not merely to survive – then we need to be visible sexual beings. We need to break this infantilised image of us as children, to show that people with functional diversity are sexual beings, people who desire and are desired. So by giving them a sexuality, we politicise the issue.

You depict real-life intimacy in the film in a lot of detail. How did you get the participants to trust you?

Antonio Centeno: Many of the people in the film I’d met as activists throughout the years, so they trusted in me and what I was doing. And they understood that the film wasn’t just entertainment, but a political tool to help the change the realities of our society. I mean, of course it was difficult, to expose yourself and put your body out there. But it was only possible because of the trust I enjoyed from them, and the fact they understood what political message we were trying to put out.

What’s the reaction been like?

Antonio Centeno: In my native Spain and internationally there’s been a huge amount of interest and it’s generally been very well received. Some people find it too direct, maybe  there’s too much exposure, and some people thought there were some stories missing as well. But it’s been more difficult getting it out to a wider audience, outside of LGBT and specialist film festivals. And I think this reflects the way in which people with functional diversity live in our society. You know, we live away from the masses, from the general public. We live in ghettos. And by ghettos, I mean special residences, or with families that look after us. We go to special schools, because we have to. We work in special centres. So basically, we live in a parallel world, segregated from other people.

Would you like to see this segregation broken down so everyone is living side-by-side?

Antonio Centeno: Well, I’m not sure about ‘everyone’. I don’t like most people! [Laughs].

The title of the film is quite risque…

Antonio Centeno: In Spain, we have a motto which roughly translates as ‘Fuck as you live, and live as you fuck’. Which means that you can only have your own independent life if you have a sex life which is free, which is independent, which is rich. And you can only have a sex life that is free if you personally are free. If you have a free sex life, you can have a good life. You can fight for your freedom, for your independence. So the film is about how you can show, through sexuality, that people with functional diversity want to live like others, independently, not being cancelled out and made to delegate their decisions through family members or professionals.

What I found interesting about the film is that a lot of the sexual issues that people faced, like guilt or shame, are common to everyone, not just those with functional diversity.

Antonio Centeno: Well, our intention wasn’t just just to show weird people doing weird things. We wanted to deal with general issues, like desire, pleasure, our relationship with our bodies. But basically by focussing on this group of people with functional diversity, we produced this magnifying glass effect…I mean, the issues that they have aren’t so dissimilar from those the rest of the population have. But it’s just magnified in this group.

It’s historically very difficult to depict sex on film. Was this a concern for you? Wanting to show sexuality in a way that was honest without being gratuitous?

Antonio Centeno: Well, I want to start by saying that reality doesn’t exist, as such. We were constructing a reality. And that’s the powerful thing about porn, not that it represents reality but that it constructs reality. If we think about what people think about those with functional diversity, they think that we don’t have sex. So we wanted to put images in the heads of the viewers, so that those images were incompatible with the prejudices that they had.

Is there a danger that we risk sensationalising the issue?

Antonio Centeno: It’s a risk we take, definitely. But if the problem before was people with functional diversity being invisible, and now it’s us being sensationalised, that’s okay with me. For me, it’s important that we construct narratives which don’t just place people with functional diversity between two opposite poles. You know, we have the pariahs, the hopeless people, and then on the other end of the spectrum there’s the hero and it’s all very inspiring, but…I mean, no one actually believes that. It’s reductive. So there are lots of stories that have to be constructed in the middle about people with functional diversity. And that’s what I hope to do.

Complete Article HERE!

Sport Fuck, Part 2

Look for my new Product Reviews!

REVIEW #18

Dr Dick’s Product Review Crew is back with their reviews of the remaining group of intriguing and oh so practical novelties from the pleasure-oriented folks over at Sportsheets.

The Dr Dick’s Product Review Crew introduces you to even more sexy fun products that will liven up even the most ho-hum sex life.

If you missed Sport Fuck, Part 1; look for it here.

Let’s check in with our intrepid reviewers.

The Under The Bed Restraint System $44.95
This turns your bed into a bondage playground. Simply slide the straps under any mattress, and position them around the bed to create various bondage possibilities.

Full review HERE

underbedrestraints.jpg chest_harness.jpg g-spotlink.jpg

Sportsheets Chest Harness with Dildo $59.00
Give your partner a front row seat with this fun harness and dildo set. It’ll spice up your sex life with a little tease and pleasure right in front of your face.

Full review HERE

Sportsheets G-Spot Link $29.95
A black nylon strap with neoprene ankle cuffs that makes hitting the G-spot easier and more accurate than ever before. You can use this to tilt the hips and enter the vaginal canal or anus from a new angle making penetration deeper and more satisfying for everyone.

Full review HERE

Sportsheets Door Jam Cuffs $18.95
Just lay the weighted straps over door, close it shut.  Turn any room into a playground for kinky bondage play!  Tease or please, control or be controlled –– now it’s easy!  Each thick nylon strap is connected to a detachable and adjustable velour-lined Velcro cuff.  You get 2 cuffs in a package.  Buy 2 pairs for total control!

Full review HERE

doorjamcuffs.jpg lap_dancer_thigh_harness.jpg

Lap Dancer Harness $44.95
Soft neoprene harness adjusts that wraps around your thigh and secures with Velcro.  It holds a soft silicone dildo. Get your dollar bills ready for your private dancer.

Full review HERE



Basic Sexual Positions For One And All!

I would like to offer another of my Sexual Enrichment Tutorials. This one is titled: Basic Sexual Positions For One And All!

I’m forever hearing from folks who need a little help with the whole sex positions thing. You wouldn’t think this would be such a bugaboo for so many; but it is. Is it a fear of the unknown? Is it a lack of creativity? Or is it simply a “but we’ve always done it this way” mentality? Whatever the cause of this woeful lack of sexual know-how, Dr Dick is here to spread the good news that you can and ya oughta try something new every now an again.

We will be looking at several positions today — nothing too advanced, mind you, just some basic things you can try that might solve some of the nagging problems I hear about on a regular basis. And here’s the deal — most people are up for at least this amount of sexual experimentation. And who knows where this little adjustment could lead? You may find that if you open the door to change by experimenting with a different position or two, ya’ll could be on your way to lot of other adaptations in the future. And experimentation is the very best way to prevent your fucking from getting boring.

Ok, so we’re all well acquainted with the so-called “missionary position,” right? This is the man on top, woman on the bottom position, just the way god likes it. Or the way the Christian missionaries thought it should be when they discovered lots of pagan folk were having way too much fun with all those exotic positions.

Despite it being much maligned, the good old missionary position is swell if you like face-to-face fucking. And that’s never a bad place to start. This position allows for a lot of physical front-to-front body contact including kissing. Lots of folks like this position because of intimacy it provides. I hasten to add that this isn’t the only position that allows for face-to-face fucking, but I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself.

The downside of this position is it can be a whole lot of work for the partner on top, while being really confining for the partner on the bottom. This is especially true if the guy on top is of the jumbo variety. It also isn’t the best position for the woman if she’s fucking a guy with a big dick. Men obviously love this position because it gives them easy access to their partner’s tits. It’s not so pretty good if he wants to get his hands on her clit. But since most guys have a fairly good idea what to do with a pair of knockers, and are often perplexed with what to do with a clit, this is fine with them. Unfortunately, this position can leave a woman woefully unsatisfied.

A couple could vary things a bit by having the woman sit on the couch, legs spread with her man on the floor on his knees. This way he could happily plug away at her without weighting her down. Also the guy won’t have to balance himself with his hands while looming over his woman, as in the missionary position. This will free his hands to roam all over his partner’s body. Just think; with a little luck he could actually stumble upon the woman’s clit. And wouldn’t that be a red-letter day for all concerned? This position can be hell on one’s knees, however.

The opposite of the traditional missionary position is the “woman on top,” or “cowgirl” position. This is a sweet position for a chick mostly because it allows her to fully control the speed and depth of her man’s thrusts.  All the woman has to do here is climb on her man while he lay on his back. With her legs to either side of his hips, she can easily access his cock for a nice hand job before she guides it home. Since she’ll be able to move up or down his body at will, she can direct his dick at her clit and use it like a dildo. This is also a great position for anyone who wants to experiment with ass fucking. And all the while the man will still have free access to his partner’s boobs, so you know he’ll be as happy as a pig in shit.

There’s also the “reverse cowgirl, which is exactly like the “cowgirl, only completely different. In the reverse cowgirl position, the chick faces away from her man. He gets to admire and slap her ass and pull her hair. The woman, on the other hand, gets complete access to the guy’s johnson and his family jewels. Women, feel free to give you guy’s huevos a nice squeeze and don’t forget to tug on them too. Men generally do this while they’re jerkin off, so he’ll already be familiar with the sensations. Ya see, most men get off on ball play big time. Once the guy is inside of the woman in the position, his wang will hit the back of her vagina as opposed to the front. Lots of women like this because of the very different stimulation it provides.

If you’re lookin to stay with a more traditional style consider the benefits of spooning. It’s kinda like the missionary position, except you’re both on your side. Right away you can see the benefits of that, huh? He can still wrap you up in his big burly arms and even throw a leg over you for that complete sensu-round sensation. You can spoon face-to-face, or back to front. This makes for an effortless fuck. So much so that couples have been known to doze off mid screw in this position. Perfect for when lovers are too pooped for an athletic pop.

Then there’s the ever-popular “doggy style,” or “rear-entry” position. This is well suited to both pussy fuckin and ass fuckin. In this position the bottom will be on his/her knees face down, while his/her partner takes him/her from behind. The best part of this position is the freedom you’ll both have to use your hands. If the woman is on the bottom, she can prop herself up with one hand and still have the other free to diddle her clit or grab her man’s nuts between her legs. If the man’s on the bottom, he can take it up the ass with relative ease. If the woman is on top she can grab her partner’s hips and peg him with ease. If the man is on top he can hold on to his partner’s hips with one hand and still have the other to manhandle her hooters. What this position might lack in face-to-face intimacy it makes up for in vigorous fun.

For a sweet gentle fuck a woman could try sitting in her man’s lap. He’s seated in a chair, or cross-legged on the floor, while she sits astride his lap. She can mount him face-to-face, or with her back to him. This position doesn’t allow for whole lot of athletic thrusting, but it’s fantastic for some delicious slow rhythmic rocking. And the top partner will be able to set the rhythm. Both partner’s hands will be totally free to tweak one another’s nipples. Or the woman could guide his hands to her clit and show him what’s up down there.

Lastly, there the good old fashioned stand up position. This is particularly appropriate for those desperately horny moments that allow for only a quick, zip-less fuck. If the man is a strapping lad, he’ll have no problem sweeping the little woman off her proverbial feet and planting his boner inside her. This will take a bit of balance and stamina, particularly on the part of the dude, but these overheated hormonally driven fucks won’t last very long, if ya catch my drift.

Remember, you don’t need to stick to just one of these positions per screw. You can mix and match and change positions at will. You can even make a game of it. One of you could decide upon the position while the other of you determines the type of movement, angle of penetration, rhythm and speed.

Now, go forth and be creative, why don’t cha already.

10 Mind Blowing Ways To Improve Your Sex Life Like You Never Have Before

By Sasha Godman

man & woman

It has never defined me as a person, but my sexuality is a big part of who I am, I’ve always considered myself lucky to be so sexually free, co-workers, one night stands, it was all for fun. No one got hurt and not once did I sense impending danger.

Then that way of thinking was totally obliterated. In saying that, I bounced back so fucking well, people that I’ve confided in ask me if I’m alright and they give me a look of disbelief because I’ve got a drink in one hand, a smoke in the other and a smile on my face. I am doing well. I’m reassessing not only what makes me happy, but what will make 2015 a year of unforgettable sex.

1. Forget porn.

Un-see everything you’ve typed into your pornhub search. You don’t have headphones in, trying to fap as silently as possible, you’re with a living, breathing person, kiss everything, nibble everything, lick everything, in saying that…

2. Communicate.

Your clit isn’t as sensitive as he may assume? The best kind of hand job involves the mouth? We’re not mind readers, orgasms are so much more achievable when we abandon our embarrassments and outline what gets our rocks off.

3. Foreplay matters yo.

As much as I just want to climb on top of my boyfriend the moment I see him after a week hiatus, it’s not only hotter, but healthier (and a higher chance of orgasming!) to lengthily explore each others bodies before undergoing the main event.

4. Embrace lube!

I’m a little bit embarrassed to admit that I was just shy of my 23rd birthday before I even thought about purchasing a bottle of lube, but all I know now is that hand jobs will never be the same again. Just sayin’.

5. Look each other in the eye.

Whether it’s a casual hook-up or the culmination of a long awaited encounter with someone you deeply care about, sex reaches an incredibly intimate level when we forsake our anxieties over the dumb cum faces we’re pulling and we can actually look at the person we’re sharing pleasure with.

6. Sober sex is best sex.

Sure there is an indescribable level of horniness that alcohol seems to boost, but sober sex is 100% more focused and less sloppy.

7. Conjure a fuck-it list.

Why keep things private? Whether it’s a sacred document you’ve created with a partner or you have solo fantasies that you want to embark on, what’s the worst that could happen? Sex in the back row of the Foxcatcher screening* wasn’t as hot as I thought it would be, oh well, we tried! Tick!

*I am in no way encouraging sex in Events Cinemas or any other dignified establishment; these expeditions are just the spice of life and are not completely unheard of.

8. You’re not an Olympian.

Some positions work better than others, but it’s not always necessary to incorporate as many switches as possible, you’re not in a marathon. See number 2.

9. We’re all perverted little humans.

Can I take a photo while I’ve got you all tied up? Being attentive to each others desires is key to awesome sex, that and consent.

10. Sometimes sex doesn’t happen.

Sometimes he’s not hard enough, she’s not wet enough, sometimes it’s just nicer to hold hands or dry hump ourselves into bliss.

Sex can mean as a little or as much as you want it to, all I’ll say is that being comfortable within yourself should hit a big, mandatory tick before you embark on your ventures.

Complete Article HERE!

The Dark Heart of Homophobia…redo

The massacre in Orlando necessitates this reposting…

I’m riding the bus when we come to a stop near a local high school. Five teenage boys get on. They’re all jocks—football, probably. Their jackets are emblazoned with varsity letters and they appear to be fresh from practice. Each carries an oversized duffel.

They are boisterous and full of menacing bravado. The bus is immediately overwhelmed with a rush of testosterone. As they move toward the back of the bus, they purposely jostle everyone in their path. They’re rude and crude and every other word is fuck.

The bus lurches forward, and my fellow passengers instinctively know not to make eye contact. The older women clutch their belongings tight to their bosom. Everyone is tense.

The pack mentality emboldens the young men, who are flush with their newly discovered sense of male privilege. Hormones rage in their adolescent bodies, yet there is an awkward childishness about them too. They are alpha, but only in as much as they are part of a pack.

They have off-color comments for everyone around them. Girls are singled out for the most abuse. They make insinuations about their sexual prowess, while pawing at their groins. The women blush with embarrassment.

Despite being loud, obnoxious and brutish, they lack conviction. They giggle too much, indicating self-consciousness. It’s apparent that, at their core, they are still very uneasy about themselves, and have yet to grow into and own the alpha maleness they mimic.

The bus approaches the next stop, and several of us get up to exit. A nerdy boy with glasses and a violin case accidentally trips over one of the teen’s duffel bags. This is the spark. The jocks erupt, lunging at the offending kid. He is easy prey. He’s petrified, but his survival instincts kick in, and he quickly maneuvers further up the aisle. I grab his shoulder and push him toward the door ahead of me. He makes his escape.

Now I’m in the line of fire. The rear door is only a couple steps away, but I stand my ground. The jocks size me up. I’m not an easy mark; I’m older and more dominant than any of them as individuals, but they trump me as a group. I may even be dangerous. In a split-second, the teens reevaluate the situation and instead of coming at me, they try to take me down with their best verbal shot: “You motherfucking fag!”

I move to the door. This could end very badly for me, but I will not show any weakness. Adrenaline courses through my bloodstream. I alight from the bus, holding the door open so I can briefly yell back. “Hey, thanks for the recognition. Oh, and for your information, its father-fucking, brother-fucking and/or son-fucking fag, never mother-fucking. Get it?”

By the time the jocks realize what’s happened, the bus is in motion, and I am safe.

The teens thought better of physically attacking me, so they did the next best thing. It’s what most threatened males do: they tried to diminish the threat by calling into question my masculinity.  And they do it in that time-honored way—by inferring I was a defective male, a queer, and a sissy. Trouble is, I am queer, and I owned it—right in their faces. On top of that, I stood up to them and even had the temerity to publicly shame them. So that had to be unsettling to them on several levels.

How did the derogatory epithet fag become the quintessential means of destroying the male ego? Why has the only somewhat less offensive slur, “that’s so gay,” become emblematic for everything stupid, negative or girly? These questions get to the root of our culture’s deeply ingrained homophobia.

I contend that homophobia is rooted in a fear and hatred of women. It’s no accident that when we want to denigrate a man we call him a pussy—the same word we use to refer to female genitals. In our culture, men are superior to women—it’s the oily by-product of male privilege. A man who falls short of this lofty ideal, or, god forbid, assumes a passive role in sex, cheapens the “privilege” for all other males. This is a particularly sensitive issue for ostensibly heterosexual men.

This prohibition is so deep-seated in our culture, one can trace its roots back to the Bible. Leviticus 20:13: “If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death.” In biblical days, women were nothing more than chattel. For a man to behave like a woman—particularly in a passive, receptive sexual way—back then was an even greater insult to the male privilege than it is nowadays (which explains the whole capital punishment thing.)

Women are also objectified as sexual objects before men dominate them. A woman is not so much a person as she is a collection of parts—tits, pussy, ass, etc. A heterosexual man, familiar with and practiced in this dynamic, will not tolerate another male objectifying him as a sexual object, either real or imagined.

These cultural triggers are exceptionally easy to trip. With very little effort at all, we can debase a man simply by suggesting that there’s a whiff of the feminine about him. In turn, the slandered male is burdened with proving the contrary, which often leads to overcompensation. To deflect suspicion, some men affect a macho bravado so as to appear even more masculine than their peers. And how better to do that than to suggest someone else is a pansy?

Omar Mateen, is this what happened to you?

God will punish those involved in homosexuality': Orlando nightclub shooter Omar Mateen's father Seddique Mateen

God will punish those involved in homosexuality’: Orlando nightclub shooter Omar Mateen’s father Seddique Mateen

I can say for certain that all those boys on the bus had been, at one time or another, accused of being a fag. It’s exceedingly common in sports for even teammates to insinuate a fellow athlete is not performing up to expectations. Each of them must have known the sting of that reproach. Some may even have had self-doubt about their own sexual tendencies. That’s why they hurled at me what they knew would hurt any other self-respecting male the most.

What they didn’t count on was that I had, long ago, inoculated myself against this poison. I own, even revel, in my queer sexuality. An insult doesn’t work if the one insulted self-identifies as the slur.

Institutionalized homophobia, on the other hand, is more insidious. The dominant culture enshrines male privilege and, like the boys on the bus, punishes anyone who attempts to undercut the paradigm. Discrimination is so widespread, ingrained—and sometimes so subtle—that many non-gay people don’t even notice most of it. But those of us on the receiving end of the bigotry are keenly aware.

It’s a particularly acute problem for young people who know they are different, and different in a way that isn’t tolerated of by the dominant culture. They are much more vulnerable because they have yet to developed the emotional resources to counteract the oppression. They don’t yet realize that it’s society’s problem, not theirs. Their peers mercilessly persecute them. And for the most part, authority figures don’t even try to stop the torment. That’s why young gay people commit suicide at a rate of about seven times that of straight kids.

You may have noticed that I’ve framed this presentation in terms of the natural world. Dominant and submissive behaviors in other species often have sexual overtones, especially in other primate species. A dominant male will harass a male subordinate until he submits and presents his rump. This establishes a pecking order in the troupe: a subordinate male is submissive and the dominant male is in control.

Some straight men see gay men as a threat, instinctively fearing a supposed challenge to the established order of things; who is in control. It’s basically a struggle for dominance and troupe status. A gay person who is a productive member of society, who is indistinguishable from his heterosexual counterparts, ups the ante. He’s a threat to anyone who believes what he may have been told all his life—that gays are perverted, miserable, lonely people who live short, desperate lives.

Institutionalized homophobia impacts so many aspects of our culture. It may be obvious how it skews our notions of sex and sexuality, of who can do what to whom and when. But did you know that it is often an underlying cause of much male sexual dysfunction? It also contaminates national policy in terms of public health issues, military readiness and the rights and freedoms we afford our citizenry. The business sector also suffers. Harassment and intimidation of gay workers result in loss of productivity costing businesses millions every year. But the most tragic is the toll it takes on individual relationships. Families are torn apart, friendships end, and people sometimes are killed or kill themselves over a futile and misguided attempt to uphold the status quo.