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How Your Penis Exercises While You Sleep

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If you want to maintain your penis size and keep it ready to perform, it is important to know how to exercise your penis. While the “love muscle” is not actually a muscle itself, your member contains spongy tissue and chambers that fill with blood to make it harder and larger; so it’s important to exercise it like any other part of the body.

You can exercise your penis by engaging in activities that increase blood flow into it. And the best way to encourage blood flow and preserve penis length is to have regular sex and/or to masturbate more. Simply put, it’s a case of use it or lose it. The more you have sex or masturbate the better shape your penis will be in. Another thing you may not know is that your penis actually exercises itself while you sleep.

Exercising Your Penis in Your Sleep

Your penis actually gets a workout while you sleep. Those middle-of-the-night and early-morning erections have an important function. They are a way for your penis to pump itself up and get some exercise. These erections are called “nocturnal erections,” and they serve several purposes such as promoting oxygenation and blood flow to the penis and helping prevent erectile dysfunction (ED). Plus, from a biological perspective, waking up with your “little friend” ready to go with your partner nearby helps encourage reproduction. Isn’t that convenient?

This “nature’s little helper” is also a natural penis extension therapy, helping to maintain penis size by continuously stretching the penile tissue. When you have an erection, oxygenating blood fills the penis, making it hard. Having good blood flow is an essential component to achieving and maintaining that erection. All healthy men with normal erectile function have multiple erections during their sleep cycle.

As you get older, you may notice that these nocturnal and morning erections are not as strong or as frequent as you had in your younger years. One of the reasons nocturnal erections reduce as you age is because of decreased testosterone, but their absence and other erectile problems could indicate a larger health problem. If you can’t remember the last time you woke up with a hard-on, or if you have experienced erectile dysfunction while awake, talk to your doctor because erectile dysfunction (ED) can be a sign of heart disease.

The downside to having fewer nocturnal erections as you age is that you stop receiving the extension and exercise benefits they provide. That makes it so you have to start working harder in the non-sleeping hours. If you don’t exercise your penis regularly, your penis can actually shrink 1-2 centimeters. Some of the other risks for loss of penis length include weight gain, aging (due to lack of use and declining hormones), genetics, and prostate surgery.

About 70 percent of the men who have their prostate removed can expect to lose some of their penis length. Prostate cancer patients are often unable to achieve an erection for 6-24 months, so doctors sometimes prescribe penis pumps. A penis pump is a tool that keeps the blood flowing in and out, and it helps prevent permanent shrinkage by stretching the penile tissue.

How to Test for Nocturnal Erections

If you are not waking up with erections and are not sure if you still even have nocturnal erections, here’s a simple nocturnal erection test you can do over three nights in the privacy of your own home. Before you laugh, this is actually a real test used by urologists, and it has a name—the nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) stamp test.

Get a strip of four to six postage stamps (you’ll need a strip for each night). Wrap the strip around the shaft of the penis and moisten to seal the ring. Once the stamp is dry, carefully place your penis into your shorts or underwear to protect the stamps from falling off. In the morning, check to see if the stamps have been broken along their perforation. During at least one of the three nights you should see the ring of stamps broken. If the ring is not broken there may be a physical problem, and you should talk to your doctor.

ED and Heart Disease

If you no longer are getting nocturnal erections or if you have had trouble with your erectile function during the waking hours, talk to your doctor to get your heart checked. A lack of nocturnal erections is one of the signs of ED, and ED is connected with another, scarier ED: early death. So even though exercising your penis is important, you also need to exercise your heart and eat a heart-healthy diet to protect both your heart and your love life.

When Size Matter

If you are concerned about losing your penis length, the best and most enjoyable plan is to use it as much as possible. There are penis-lengthening procedures, but they all have some cautions or drawbacks. One of the interesting penis facts, is that about 50 percent of your penis is actually inside your body courtesy of a suspensory ligament that attaches the penis to your pelvic bone. During surgery, a doctor releases the ligament so that more of the penis can move outside the body. It’s a serious procedure that takes awhile to heal, so you should look into whether gaining that extra inch or so is worth it.

If girth is more your concern than length there are some penile widening procedures as well. You can have a doctor implant silicone, fat, or tissue grafts into your penis. Another procedure that improves girth is to inject hyaluronic acid (a substance found in your body) into the penis. It is said to be painful but effective.

Maintaining a healthy sex life remains the best natural “sex-ercise plan” you can follow (along with exercise, diet, and lifestyle modifications). There are also other great sex exercises for men that can help strengthen muscles and increase stamina and flexibility for better performance. Most men will agree that having sex regularly to maintain penis size sounds much more inviting than cutting or injecting their favorite—and most sensitive—body part unless there is a serious medical reason for it.

Complete Article HERE!

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How giving up porn could help your sex life

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For many of us, watching porn can be like eating a tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream; regularly done, enjoyable – no doubt – but can also often leave us feeling, well, a tad ashamed…

by Edward Dyson

However, pushing aside those pride-deprived moments spent reaching for discarded socks, could it be true that by indulging our cravings for explicit material on the web – c’mon now, you all know the sites… – we might actually be damaging our mental health? Not to mention our sex lives (you know, the one we’re supposed to be doing… in person?)

Earlier this year pop star Will Young opened up about having a porn problem, sharing with fans that his childhood trauma and shame was at the root of his dependency on several vices. These included alcohol, shopping but – the one that grabbed the most headlines, predictably – was the revelation that he had developed an obsessive level of consumption when it came to pornography, which he believes he used to ‘fill a void.’ And if the rich and famous feel empty enough to be filling their voids with porn, exactly what hope is there for the rest of us – the great unwashed?

Admittedly, most of us probably won’t have thought into the matter too deeply, and while we might not be broadcasting the number of weekly web wanks we’re racking up, neither are we too worried that a cheeky three-minute viewing of a US College Boys video might, in fact, be a reflection of some underlying issue. Most of the time, it’s fair to say most of us have already forgotten about the content we’ve, ahem, enjoyed – before the Kleenex has even been safely disposed of.

But it isn’t just the original Pop Idol winner who began to wonder whether there might be a darker side to viewing all this badly-shot -and even more terribly acted – footage we’re apparently so fond of. Recent research suggests that by watching porn, we could be debilitating our ability to form healthy sexual relationships – in the living breathing world – and could potentially be inflating any pre-existing mental health issues we might already be dealing with, whether or not we’re aware of these threats.

Many psychological experts have repeatedly stated that – despite being laughed off by naysayers for obvious reasons – porn obsession is undeniably real, and forms as a type of process behavioural dependency. The reaction of the brain to this material can be very similar to the stimulation that happens after taking drugs. And in even more limp news, doctors have also reported on the growing trend amongst men who struggle to get an erection with a real-life partner because they’re so used to using explicit imagery in order to help them get off.

And, let’s face it, it’s all very much out there, readily available for the watching. According to the website Paint Bottle, 30 per cent of all data transferred online is porn, and Virginia lawmakers claim that all pornography is “addictive,” can promote the normalisation of rape, can lessen the “desire to marry, equate violence with sex,” as well as encouraging “group sex,” (not necessarily a bad thing… who are we to judge?) and –of course – “risky sexual behaviour and infidelity,” among other effects.

But are they all just taking it too seriously? Perhaps being a little too prude-ish… right in front of our salads?

Sex guru Jerry Sergeant – a self-confessed former sex and porn obsessed himself – believes that one vital component to a healthy sex life is to quit porn and traditional masturbating, and instead follow a tantric path.

Never mind cold turkey. This here is cold jerk-y. (Sorry.)

Speaking about the perils of consuming X-rated content to Gay Times, he warned: “Porn is dangerous, and people do get obsessed with it. I was for many years. At my worst, I was watching videos on the internet all the time, every day, four hours on end. When I stopped, it was like being a heroin addict going clean. It’s just a fantasy, but it means people are no longer looking in the most important places for what they want.”

And the damage it does to us when we are forming our ideas about sex during our younger years is difficult to reverse, he admitted.

“It’s almost a violation,” Jerry says. “I believe meditation, and tantric sex should be taught in schools. Unfortunately, the schooling system takes kids outside of themselves, and just pushes facts, figures and information on them.”

Tantric sex in schools? Well, beats PE, that’s for sure. But now, not only does Jerry not watch porn – (never, not even Justin Bieber’s nude leaks, for crying out loud!) – but he doesn’t even masturbate. No, never. Now that’s a hard one… (so to speak.) He explains: “What a load of people don’t know is, you can have the most incredible orgasm all on your own, without ever putting your hand on your penis. Masturbating tantrically is extremely powerful.”

But in an age where people are too busy to even pick up the phone and order their own takeaway – thanks Hungry House! – can we reasonably expect people to take the time to bring themselves to orgasm with just the power of their mind?

Jerry assures us: “It’s worth it. OK, so what you do is start with something that can be quite tough at first: you have to give yourself an erection without thinking of something sexual.”

Does the men’s rugby team count? Apparently not, as Jerry continues: “Perhaps think about a partner, or someone you know would like to be with, and imagine yourself getting to that state – then squeeze the muscles that are just between your anus and testicles, squeeze them for ten seconds, then release for ten seconds… squeeze again, release again. Eventually you’ll start getting an erection, and the more excited you get, eventually you will come to the point where orgasm happens.”

Blimey. Who needs porn when even the tantric guide is this steamy? “I’ve taught this to a lot of people,” Jerry says, unfazed. “Close your eyes, take long deep breaths, and settle into a space, and combine it with meditating if you can. You can light candles or incense, really relax and enjoy stimulating yourself. And it doesn’t have to be done alone, either.”

Phew. We were beginning to worry that all this tantric malarkey might be so enjoyable it might make the idea of partners redundant… “Another way, which is really cool, is to do this with a partner, sit opposite each other, breathing together, getting into a rhythm and building it up,” he shares. “Tense those muscles, and let them go, continue that process thinking of only each other, not physically touching each other, and then experience it together. The more you practise it, the closer you’ll come to reaching orgasm at exactly same time. It’s a mind-blowing experience – you connect on such a deeper level.”

This may be all very well and good for those who have enough time in the day for hour long sessions of mental self-pleasure. But how does it help with our actual sex lives?

Jerry promises: “Once you’ve learnt to harness and keep that energy inside of you, you’ll never go back to normal orgasms again. It’s like having a big carrot being dangled in front you, then nothing’s there – an anti-climax. It can last for at least 30 seconds, sometimes a minute and a half if you’re doing it and holding it… your whole body vibrates and vibrates. Compared to a ten second shot, which is wasted time, it’s just amazing. This will follow into your regular sex life, and this kind of orgasm will become your norm.”

He adds: “The beautiful thing this is, if you’re on the right frequency, you’ll meet the right person who will also be open to learning all about it.”

It’s certainly a tempting prospect. Jerry admits he’s not only more sexually satisfied now than he was when he was porn obsessed – spending thousands paying for sex and drugs – but he’s also generally happier in himself.

That doesn’t mean the journey is easy though. “I remember when I first found out, to start with – to masturbate while staying in your body and mind took a lot of practice,” he admits. “And I was practising a few times a day and would get it wrong; I was doing it two or three times a day, then once a day, then whenever I felt like it really. But I would suggest not having sex while you’re mastering this technique, then when you do, you can start experimenting, perhaps tantrically with a partner, or friend, in an open relationship, there are lots of options, and it can be really exciting.”

And even if the tantric route is not the right path for everyone, Jerry is adamant that quitting porn should be something everybody at least attempts. Basically, try to give a toss…

“I would suggest not watching anything for a month, first of all. Treat it like Dry January is to alcohol,” he says. “See how much you actually miss it. You might surprise yourself.”

To continue that comparison, highlighting the darker sides to the relationship you have with a certain vice, be it alcohol or porn, shouldn’t mean condemning every beer bottle – or every piece of voyeuristic sex – straight to Room 101. Plenty of people can enjoy a drink in moderation, and plenty of people also have a healthy relationship with porn. Most certainly, not everyone who partakes in a cheeky bit of ManHub or XTube is secretly turning into Michael Fassbender’s character in Shame – giving his tripod todger third degree burns from office computer misuse and compulsive masturbating. However, because watching porn is, by its very nature, a solo activity, rather than a social one – rarely discussed even with the closest of friends – as a habit that could spiral: it’s easy to take your eye of the ball, (or balls…)

Sure, we count the calories of our food, and the number of alcoholic drinks – that we can remember, anyway – largely due to fears that are related to social judgement and obvious physical effects. But usually, unless you’re really quite brazen, regardless of how much porn you’re watching, those around you will generally be none the wiser.

That’s why it remains, and will surely continue to remain, a habit that can only truly be monitored through maintaining a strong sense of self-accountability, and perhaps asking yourself some tough questions. Has your relationship with porn ventured into unhealthy territory?

Below are a few signs that your relationship with sexually explicit content might have got, ahem, out of hand…

So… do you have a problem?

1. Excessive time spent viewing porn

An obvious one, but a good place to start. Now, of course there are no NHS guidelines – like there are with alcohol – as to what counts as excessive. But a helpful question to ask yourself might be: does the time dedicated to this activity impact heavily on your day-to-day life? Signs could be: regularly finding yourself late for work because of watching porn. Watching inappropriate content on work (and not just NSFW gifs, we’re talking extended disabled lavatory visits….) Or cancelling on friends. Put simply, just because you have a wank doesn’t mean you have to be a wanker.

2. Notable negative consequences

Related to point one, but if you can link things that are going wrong in your life to your relationship with porn, then that’s a huge red flag that things might have got spiralled somewhat out of control. Are you left financially struggling because you’re spending so much of your income on explicit websites? Is it causing problems at work or in your relationship? This leads nicely to…

3. Loss of interest in sex

Whether in a relationship or not, if – like the growing trend that doctors have noticed emerging – your dependency on porn is so strong that you struggle to become aroused in real life scenarios, then this is definitely a major problem. Most people seeking a satisfying sex life with a partner – or multiple partners – should be fine to consume porn outside of that, usually privately, but if it becomes all you find yourself interested in, then this habit might just have slipped into compulsive territory.

4. A constant need to go further

Kinkiness is an interesting subject. We all have our little kinks, and it’s sometimes tricky to know how normal – or abnormal – these are. But a tell-tale sign that porn might be having a negative effect on your mental health is if you’re constantly feeling like you need to keep actively seeking more and more extreme, and unusual, content. If there’s material that a month ago was turning you on, and now you’re craving something that takes it on even further – and this is part of a pattern – then it also might be part of a problem…

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The Guybrator Cometh!

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Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews Is BACK!

Hey sex fans!

I got some fantastic news for you.

After a hiatus of nearly three years, I am reviving Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews.

There have been lots of changes in the adult product marketplace over the intervening years and there have been lots of changes here at Dr Dick Sex Advice too.

When our last review appeared in December 2014 the Dr Dick Review Crew and I were plum tuckered out after more than seven years of grueling product testing. We all decided that it was high time to throw in the towel. Despite having the opportunity to sample some of the world’s best adult products we needed a break. Frankly, I thought for sure that when we ended our review run it was the end of it…for good. Well, like they always say, never say never.

Over the years, I’d hear from my loyal readership; they’d tell me that they missed our fun, informative, snarky, and sometimes irreverent reviews. My readers would ask about members of the Dr Dick Review Crew. “What ever happened to Jack & Karen, Glenn & Hank, Joy and Dixie and the others? And when are they gong to return?” I would answer the best I could, but I would always say, “It’s not likely that we’ll revive our product reviews, but I’m delighted to know that our thoughts and comments were meaningful and helped folks make wise buying decisions.”

The intervening years also brought several new potential reviewers. “Hey Dr Dick, If ever you revive your sex toy reviews, I want to volunteer to be on your crew.”

New and innovative products were coming to the marketplace and manufacturers would often reach out to me with offers to send me samples. Again, would thank them for their interest, but declined their offers.

The long and short of it is, I kinda missed the hurly-burley of it all too. There’s nothing like getting a new product delivered to your door, a product that holds out the promise of fun and pleasure.

So, we’re officially back!

We have some new Review Crew members, a hot load of very interesting products, and an eagerness to share it all with you.

Our inaugural product is something very special and here to tell you all about it is a new Dr Dick Review Crew Member, Trevor. I’ll let him introduce himself and what he has in his hot little hands.

Pulse III Duo —— $149.00

Trevor
Hey all! I’m Trevor. I’m 32 years old. I’m originally from the UK, Manchester to be precise, but have been in the US since I was 13. I live with my da. My mom passed away three years ago. I am involved with this great gal. Shelia is her name. We’ve been together for just over a year.

I absolutely LOVE sex! I’ve been interested in sex for as long as I can remember. Get this, my da caught me wankin’ away like the little pervert I was when I was just eleven. Embarrassing, huh? Actually it was OK. I think he was as embarrassed as me. Anyhow, after that we’ve been able to talk about sex, which, I think, has been good for both of us. Especially now since my mom’s gone. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Right now, I want to introduce you to the Pulse III Duo. It’s the world’s first Guybrator. It says so right on the classy super-shiny outer box. And this lovely comes from the good people at Hot Octopuss out of London…the one in England. GO Great Britain!!

Inside the box you’ll find a drawstring storage pouch, which has the Hot Octopuss logo on it, a magnetic/USB charging lead and an instruction manual. Then there’s a formed cardboard insert that holds the Pulse III Duo and a round remote control. All the packaging is recyclable. That’s the first item on the Dr Dick Review Crew’ checklist for a GREEN product.

Now let’s take a quick look at the Pulse III Duo itself. It’s basically a palm-sized hammock for your dick. It has these two flexible wings that surround your cock and you can use it with either a limp dick or a stiffy. It’s covered in this beautiful 100% silicone skin and it’s also 100% waterproof. By the way, the Pulse III Duo is the second generation Pulse. There’s also a Pulse II and a Pulse III Solo.

There are buttons on either side of the Pulse III Duo, one for power and vibrating patterns on the left side, and two (+/-) buttons to control intensity on the right side. The Pulse III Duo’s remote activates and controls the independent external vibrator for clitoral stimulation when you use it as a couple. So it’s actually two vibrators in one.

After giving the Pulse III Duo a charge for four hours using the magnetic USB charger, it was ready to go. I used it alone first. I started with my limp dick. I placed it in the hammock with my frenulum, the underside of my cockhead, on the sweet spot of the guybrator, and switched it on. The pulsing piston-like osculation action got me rock hard in moments. This thing is fantastic! I cycled through the 6 stimulation modes and adjusted the intensity with each mode. I couldn’t believe the sensations. I nearly blew my wad in the first few minutes.

Just when I thought I had experienced the full range of sensations I happened upon the “Turbo” button. You just press and hold the (+) button for a moment and it will take your vibrations straight to warp speed. DAMN!! This took me over the top in a matter of a couple minutes. Now, just so you know, I wasn’t actually stroking myself; I was just holding the Pulse III Duo on my dick.

The next time out I decided to add some lube. As with all silicone toys, use only water based lube. A silicone based lube would mar the beautiful finish of the toy. This time I gripped the Pulse III Duo around my dick, folding the wings slightly to embrace my cock. It felt so good I almost forgot to add the vibration. I edged my self for about 20 minutes this way. No mean task, because the pleasure was so intense I had to release my cock several times just to avoid cumming too soon.

The third solo use was in the shower. I love to wank in the shower. And because the Pulse III Duo is waterproof it’s the ideal shower or bath buddy.

I can see where the Pulse III Duo would make a great tool for some guy trying to gain control over his ejaculation response. If you cum too quickly and you want to lean how to last longer, this toy could help train you to do that.

After nearly exhausting myself with solo play I decided to put the Pulse III Duo away till I had the opportunity to show it to and play with it with my gal, Shelia. Luckily, Shelia loves sex toys, particularly the ones that vibrate. In fact, she is the one that originally turned me on to sex toys.

One evening we got a little buzz on with some killer Chardonnay. I whipped out the Pulse III Duo and handed it to her. I didn’t tell her anything about it; I wanted to see if she could figure it out. She handled it a bit and said, “this is a guy’s toy, right?” “Well, it sure can be.” I responded. I told her about my solo play and how I nearly knocked myself out with the powerful orgasms I had with it.

She thought that was all fine and good, but said, “I thought you said this was a toy for couples.” “It IS!!” I responded. That’s when I handed her the remote and showed her how she could adjust the completely independent vibrations on the bottom of Pulse III Duo to stimulate herself while my cock was being stimulated in the hammock.

In no time we were out of our clothes and messin’ around. I put the Pulse III Duo around my dick and positioned the base of the thing on Shelia’s pussy. We were kissing passionately, she was using the remote to cycle through the vibrations, and, within minutes, we both came. Breathless, Sheila simply said, “Wow!”

This is the most fun we’ve had without actually fucking.

One thing to note; the Pulse III Duo is kinda loud, at least comparatively speaking. Shelia and I didn’t care, but you might.

If, for some reason you and your partner, guy or gal, don’t feel up to the old in and out of penetrative sex, this is the toy for you.

As I already mentioned, the Pulse III Duo is covered in velvety, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. And because it is waterproof and made of silicone it’s a breeze to clean. Toss it into the skink with mild soap and warm water, scrub it down a bit, and let it air dry. Or you can just wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing.

I mentioned my da at the beginning of this review, right? He’s in his mid 60’s and has been having some problems with blood pressure. He confided in me some months ago that his blood pressure meds are robbing him of his erections. I felt so bad for him because I can get a boner at the drop of a hat. Once I saw what the Pulse III Duo could do with my flaccid dick I offered to share it with him.

I said, “Look what I got.” “What the hell is that?” He responded. I explained how the thing worked the best I could then showed him the Hot Octopuss website and some of the Pulse III Duo videos on YouTube. I said, “Ya know, you don’t even have to be hard to get enough pleasure to cum.”

I said, “I’m gonna just leave this here. Take it for a spin if ya like.”

He did and absolutely loved it. He went out the very next day and bought one for himself.

Speaking of which, you can purchase the Pulse III Duo through the Hot Octopuss website, or just about any high-end adult products store online will carry it too.

Full Review HERE!

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How To Talk To Your Doctor About Sex When You Have Cancer

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More people are surviving cancer than ever before, but at least 60 percent of them experience long-term sexual problems post-treatment.

By

So you’ve survived cancer. You’ve endured brutal treatments that caused hair loss, weight gain, nausea, or so much pain you could barely move. Perhaps your body looks different, too—maybe you had a double mastectomy with reconstruction, or an orchiectomy to remove one of your testicles. Now you’re turning your attention back to everyday life, whether that’s work, family, dating, school, or some combination of all of those. But you probably aren’t prepared for the horrifying side-effects those life-saving measures will likely have on sex and intimacy, from infertility and impotence, to penile and vaginal shrinkage, to body shame and silent suffering.

More than 15.5 million Americans are alive today with a history of cancer, and at least 60 percent of them experience long-term sexual problems post-treatment. What’s worse, only one-fifth of cancer survivors end up seeing a health care professional to get help with sex and intimacy issues stemming from their ordeal.

Part of the challenge is that the vast majority of cancer patients don’t talk to their oncologists about these problems, simply because they’re embarrassed or they think their low sex drive or severe vaginal dryness will eventually go away on their own. Others try to talk, but end up with versions of the same story: When I went back to my doctor and told him I was having problems with sex, he replied, ‘Well, I saved your life, didn’t I?’ And many oncologists aren’t prepared to answer questions about sex.

“Sex is the hot potato of patient professional communications. Everyone knows it’s important but no one wants to handle it,” says Leslie Schover, a clinical psychologist who’s one of the pioneers in helping cancer survivors navigate sexual health and fertility. “ When you ask psychologists, oncologists and nurses, ‘Do you think it’s important to talk to patients about sex?’ they say yes. And then you say, ‘Do you do it routinely?’ They say no. When you ask why, they say it’s someone else’s job.”

Schover spent 13 years as a staff psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic Foundation and nearly two decades at the University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center. After retiring last year, she founded Will2Love, a digital health company that offers evidence-based online help for cancer-related sex and fertility problems. Will2Love recently launched a national campaign called Bring It Up! that offers three-step plans for patients and health care providers, so they can talk more openly about how cancer treatments affect sex and intimacy. This fall, the company is collaborating with the American Cancer Society on a free clinical trial—participants will receive up to six months of free self-help programming in return for answering brief questionnaires—to track the success of the programs.

Schover spoke to Newsweek about the challenges cancer patients face when it comes to sex and intimacy, how they can better communicate with their doctors, and what resources can help them regain a satisfying sex life, even if it looks different than it did before.

NEWSWEEK: How do cancer treatments affect sex and intimacy?
LESLIE SCHOVER: A lot of cancer treatments damage some of the systems you need to have a healthy sex life. Some damage hormone levels, and surgery in the pelvic area removes parts of the reproductive system or damages nerves and blood vessels involved in sexual response. Radiation to the pelvic region reduces blood flow to the genital area for men and women, so it affects erections and women’s ability to get lubrication and have their vagina expand when they’re sexually excited.

What happens, for example, to a 35-year-old woman with breast cancer?
Even if it’s localized, they’ll probably want her to have chemotherapy, which tends to put a woman into permanent menopause. Doctors won’t want her to take any form of estrogen, so she’ll have hot flashes, severe vaginal dryness and loss of vaginal size, so sex becomes really painful. She’ll also face osteoporosis at a younger age. If she’s single and hasn’t had children, she’s facing infertility and a fast decision about freezing her eggs before chemo.

What about a 60-year-old man with prostate cancer?
A lot of men by that age are already starting to experience more difficulty getting or keeping erections, and after a prostatectomy, chances are, he won’t be able to recover full erections. Only a quarter of men recover erections anything like they had before surgery. There are a variety of treatments, like Viagra and other pills, but after prostate cancer surgery, most men don’t get a lot of benefit. They might be faced with choices like injecting a needle in the side of the penis to create a firm erection, or getting a penile prosthesis put in to give a man erections when he wants one. If he has that surgery, no semen will come out. He’ll have a dry orgasm, and although it will be quite pleasurable, a lot of men feel like it’s less intense than it was before. These men can also drip urine when they get sexually excited.

Why are so many people unprepared for these side-effects?
If you ask oncologists, ‘Do you tell patients what will happen?’ a higher percentage—like in some studies up to 80 percent—say they have talked to their patients about the sexual side-effects. When you survey patients, it’s rare that 50 percent remember a talk. But most of these talks are informed consent, like what will happen to you after surgery, radiation or chemotherapy. And during that talk, people are bombarded by so many facts and horrible side-effects that could happen, they just shut down. It’s easy for sex to get lost in the midst of this information. By the time people are really ready to hear more about sex, they’re in their recovery period.

Why is it so hard to talk about sex with your oncology team?
It takes courage to say, ‘Hey, I want to ask you about my sex life.’ When patients get their courage together and ask the question, they often get a dismissive answer like, ‘We’re controlling your cancer here, why are you worrying about your sex life?’ Or, ‘I’m your oncologist, why don’t you ask your gynecologist about that?’ Patients have to be assertive enough to bring up the question, but to deal with it if they don’t get a good answer. Sexual health is an important part of your overall quality of life and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to solve or prevent a problem.

What’s the best way for people to prepare for those conversations?
First, because clinics are so busy, ask for a longer appointment time and explain that you have a special question that needs to be addressed. At the start of the appointment, say, ‘I just want to remind you that I have one special question that I want to address today, so please give me time for that.’ Bring it up before the appointment is over.

Second, writing out a question on a piece of paper is a great idea. If you feel anxious or you’re stumbling over your words, you can take it out and read it.

Also, some people bring their spouse or partner to an appointment. They can offer moral support and help them remember all the things the doctor or nurse told them in answering the question.

So you’ve asked your question. Now what?
Don’t leave without a plan. It’s easy to ask the question, get dismissed, and say, I tried. Have a follow-up question prepared. For example, ‘If you aren’t sure how to help me, who can you send me to that might have some expertise?’ Or, ‘Does this particular hospital have a clinic that treats sexual problems?’ Or, ‘Do you know a gynecologist or urologist who’s good with these kinds of problems?’ If you want counseling, ask for that.

What happens if you still get no answers?
I created Will2Love for that problem! It came out of my long career working in cancer centers and seeing the suffering of patients who didn’t get accurate, timely information. When the internet became a place to get health info, it struck me as the perfect place for cancer, sexuality and fertility. Sex is the top search term on the Internet, so people are comfortable looking for information about sex online, including older people or those with lower incomes.

Also, experts tend to cluster in New York and California or major cancer centers. I only know of six or seven major cancer centers with a sex clinic in the U.S. and there are something like 43 comprehensive cancer centers!

We offer free content for the cancer community, including blogs and forums and resource links to finding a sex therapist of gynecologist. We also charge for specialized services with modest fees. Six months is still less than one session with a psychologist in a big city! We’re adding telehealth services that will be more expensive, but you’re talking to someone with expert training.

What can doctors do better in this area?
For health care professionals, their biggest concern is, ‘I have 40 patients to see in my clinic today and if I take 15 extra minutes with four of them, how will I take good care of everybody?’ They can ask to train someone in their clinic, like a nurse or physician’s assistant, who can take more time with each patient, so the oncologist isn’t the one providing sexual counseling, and also have a referral network set up with gynecologists, urologists and mental health professionals.

 

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What happens when you find the idea of sex daunting

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Some people find physical intimacy difficult – here’s what to do

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We’ve all been there, feeling shy, bashful or even self-conscious due to a sexual encounter. But for some men and women, the idea of sex can be so daunting they’ll avoid it altogether.

Tara*, a 42-year-old who married young and divorced in her 30s, found herself a ‘practical virgin’ on the dating scene after finding herself single. For years, she avoided dating out of fear that she would eventually have to have sex.

“I simply couldn’t imagine stripping naked in front of a total stranger. I’d be too embarrassed,” Tara says. “My body was okay the last time I was dating, but now I’m older and I’ve had two children.”

Lacking the confidence in bed

Tara isn’t alone in finding the thought of sex incredibly intimidating. Whether it’s due to a bad experience in the past, body confidence issues, sexual dysfunction or anticipation about future sexual encounters, this is a common issue that many of us face.

According to Krystal Woodbridge, a psychosexual therapist at the College of Sexual Relationship Therapists (COSRT), finding sex intimidating can be centred around body image issues, especially for women, and how they perceive their partner wants them to look.

“Many women also don’t have the confidence to initiate sex,” says Krystal. “It’s quite common, particularly for women who struggle in this area, that they haven’t actually explored their own body through things like masturbation or understood their own sexual fantasies, sexual desires or urges.”

Many men feel that they need to perform and this constant worry over their ability in bed can lead to performance anxiety. “Men often feel like they need to act in a certain way, maintain an erection and take charge of the situation – and for some men this can be really intimidating.”

Very often people who suffer with a sexual issue, such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, vaginismus or low sexual desire, will also have problems with sexual confidence.

“Often these issues can put people off getting into a new relationship because when it comes to initiating sex, which would be something they normally do, they hold back because they don’t want their partner to know that there’s some kind of sexual problem,” says Krystal.

6 ways to overcome your sexual fear

Feeling unconfident and daunted by sex can be overcome. We spoke to Tracey Cox, sex and relationships expert about what you can do to turn this around.

1. Only have sex when you’re ready

“Forget any preconceived notions you have about having to climb into bed on date three. Have sex when you feel ready – when you know, trust and feel comfortable enough to sleep with them. Also remember, unless you’re planning on dating an 18-year-old supermodel, your new lover’s body isn’t going to be perfect either. While you’re frantically sucking in your stomach or worrying about how big your bum is, he’s nervous about the light hitting that not-so-well-concealed bald spot or wondering if the arms you’re grabbing on to aren’t as muscular as your ex’s.”

2. Think back to when you were a teenager and take your cue from there

“Start off slowly with foreplay. When you both really like each other, and are both nervous, this is the sexual equivalent of getting into the freezing swimming pool slowly rather than diving in at the deep end. The thought of having full sex after a few foreplay sessions together will feel a lot less scary.”

3. Stick to the basics at first

“Another big concern for people who find sex intimidating is: what if I don’t know what to do? Aren’t people doing stuff in bed I don’t know about? Both sexes worry about this one – and unnecessarily.
The way we meet people to have sex with might have completely changed
but once you’re having it, it’s pretty much the same scenario. After all, there are only so many physical sex acts you can perform and most people stick to the basics first time around. Requests for ‘kinky stuff’, if it’s going to happen, tend to happen a few months in so you’re safe for now. If they do suggest something you’re not comfortable with, simply say ‘I don’t think I’m ready for that now. Can we stick to basics until we know each other better?’.”

4. Explore your body with some solo sex

“If you’re not already doing this, start having some solo sex sessions to get your body used to the feeling of orgasm – perhaps by experimenting with sex toys. There are some good beginners’ toys you can try here. The more you explore your body and know what feels good and what doesn’t, the more confident you’ll be in bed with someone else. Sex toys are a great way to discover how your body works and what it responds to, making you sexually happier and more confident.”

5. Get your attitude right

“Sex isn’t an exam. You’re not going to be graded pass or fail (and if it feels like you are, you’re with the wrong person). So, stop stressing and thinking: ‘this has got to be perfect’. Perfect sex happens to people in movies; normal people muddle through the first time.”

6. Don’t be scared to dim the lights

“Lighting is crucial – especially if you’re body conscious. Don’t be scared to say what you need. If you want it really dark for
the first time, say so. You can start turning up the dimmer switch when your confidence increases.”

Complete Article HERE!

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