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I’ll be the judge of that!

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Name: Eddie
Gender: male
Age: 19
Location: Sacramento
I have a pretty big dick, almost 9 inches and if I try I can bend myself till the tip is just touching my lips and then I can shoot right in my mouth.  But I want to get more of my cock in my mouth because I think it’s hot.  Are there any exercises I can do to help me do this?  Thanks.

You go, dude!  Autofellatio, or self-sucking is every man’s dream.  Of course, if all selfsuck2.jpgof us men folk could blow ourselves, there would be no good reason for us to ever leave our house.

What we have here, sex fans, is a guy who can orally masturbate himself. According to the Kinsey Reports less than 1% of males can lick or suck their own cock.  Obviously, suckin’ is more difficult than lickin’, because the guy’s gotta fold himself over a whole lot more to get more of his unit in his mouth.  But it is doable for the lucky few.

Did you know that there is archaeological evidence for self-administered blowjobs in Egyptian hieroglyphs?   That’s right, sex fans!  According to researcher David Lorton, “Many ancient texts refer to autofellatio within the religious mythology of Egypt.  The sun god Ra is said to have created the god Shu and goddess Tefnut by sucking himself off, then spitting out his spunk into the ground.”  Yeah baby, give me that old time religion!

Successful self-sucking depends on two things, Eddie — having a big enough dick and being limber as all get-out so you can pretty much bend in half.  Every guy can do something about his flexibility, but none of us can grow our dick longer.  That’s why this behavior remains fantasy material for the vast majority of us wee willies.

autofellatio.jpgIf you want to suck your own cock it’s a good idea to begin by expanding your range of motion; ya know, working on becoming more limber.  Concentrate on stretching exercises that will help improve the flexibility in your legs, glutes, lower back, upper back and neck.  If you’re not doin Yoga, pup, now’s a good time to start.

Begin by stretching out your legs.  Your quads and hamstrings need to be nice and limber.  While lying flat on the floor, with your legs fully extended.  Lift each leg in succession.  Take hold of your calf or thigh and pull your bent leg toward your chest.  Hold this for 15 seconds, breathe deeply and release.  Repeat five more times.  Once you’re able to do one leg at a time, work on doing both legs at once.  Be careful not to over stretch, you don’t want to pull a muscle.

Next stretch your back and neck. While lying flat on the floor, clasp your fingers together place them behind your head and slowly roll yourself up while your hold your chin to your chest. This will be exactly like doing a crunch, only completely different.  Hold these stretches for 15 seconds apiece, breathe deeply and release.  Repeat five more times.

Once you’ve mastered these stretches to the point you can pert-near fold yourself in half, you should be getting close to being able to lick your own dick…if it’s long enough, that is.

While lying flat on the floor place, roll yourself up, legs to your head and place your knees, one at a time, on either side of your head so you’re looking at your crotch and your pud is pointed towards your lips. Don’t forget to breathe through these stretches.

Now grab your ass and pull your dick closer to your mouth.  If it’s meant to be, this is how it will happen.  If it’s not meant to be, it won’t.

But don’t despair, if ya can’t pull this off.  All those stretching exercises you’ve been doing will make you a much better lover with a partner.  Because you will be much more limber for all the sexual gymnastics, don’t cha know.

Name: Gil
Gender: male
Age: 25
Location: Ohio
I’m bi and I have both female and male lovers.  Right now, I’m in more of a same sex phase.  I’m dating two different guys that I like a lot.  Both are really nice and fun and the sex is pretty good.  But neither one of these guys — one is 23 and the other is 25, knows how to kiss worth a damn.  And I can’t get worked up without kissing.  The 23 year old claims to be mostly straight and says kissing is too queer for him.  The other guy is all like all open mouth teeth.  Yuck!  Is it just me, or is kissing a lost art for gay men?

You are so right on, Gil!  Kissing is a lost art, but not just for gay men.  Women kissing.jpgoften tell me that their straight male partners don’t know squat about kissing either.  Is it just too intimate a thing for manly men nowadays or what?

And yeah, it is queer for one guy to kiss another guy.  It’s supposed to be, for Pet’s sake!  What, does the 23 year old think he’ll maintain his “straightness” if he sucks and fucks another dude, but doesn’t kiss him?  WTF!

In my book, kissing is essential to satisfying sex.  If ya can’t kiss, I’d be willing to bet you can’t fuck either.  Oh, that’s not to say that you won’t be able to bump parts, any monkey can do that.  But real good fucking involves passion and how’s there supposed to be passion without kissing?  That’s what I’d like to know.

Kissing is often the first sexual experience we have.  Whether it’s a light kiss from a friend, or deep sensuous French kiss with a potential lover.  We can express so much with kissing — love, passion, friendship, commitment — and we can do so while fully clothed.

lesbian_kiss.jpg

Kissing someone on the mouth is bliss.  But taking those kisses to other places on your partner’s body is a mighty fine idea too.  I used to think kissing came naturally to us all, but now I’m convinced that’s now so.  It could be we all have an innate ability that just needs to be nurtured before it blossoms.  Whatever the case may be, there are some things the kissing challenged ought know.

Always make sure that your breath is fresh.  There’s nothing worse than kissing someone with bad breath!  This is particularly important for those of you who still smoke.

Kissing not only involves your mouth, it also has to involve body contact, hugging and touching.

  • If you’re all open mouth, teeth and drool, you’re not kissing.
  • If you rush to jam your tongue into your partner’s mouth and down his or her throat, you’re not kissing.
  • If you’re biting instead of nibbling, you’re not kissing.
  • If you’re trying to cover his or her entire mouth with yours like some kind of freaky suction cup, you’re not kissing.
  • If you’re kissing with your eyes wide open, you’re not kissing.
  • If your tongue is poking and prodding in your partner’s mouth like it is searching for lost food, you’re not kissing.
  • IF someone is kissing you and you’re not kissing back, you’re not kissing.
  • If you’re body is stiff, like a frozen slab of beef, you’re not kissing.
  • If your hands are stationary without a thing to do, you’re not kissing.
  • If you think kissing is something ya gotta do just to get laid, you’re not kissing.

kissing02.jpgIf you’re pressed for technique, or you’re simply clueless about where to begin, start by giving your partner a quick peck on the cheek or lips. Then move back a little, look him or her in the eye, then move in again for another kiss with a bit more passion this time.  Slowly build up the passion and excitement with a series of these kinds of seductive kisses till you’re all over one another like a bad cold.

Or try light kissing all over your partner’s face and neck pausing every now and again for a deep sigh and a longing look in his/her eyes.  Whatever you do, don’t suck or slobber.  Save that for when you’re eating her out or sucking his cock.

If you think you need practice kissing, and unless you’ve been told that you are a great kisser, you do need practice.  And you’re too timid to invite a partner to join you for the exercise, here’s what I propose you do.  Make a fist; turn it sideways so that you have the opening between your thumb and forefinger in front of you.  Kiss that.  Stand in front of a mirror and watch yourself.  If you look like they do in the movies, you may be on the right track.

When you think you’re getting the hang of it, move on to the real thing.  Don’t be shy we all have to start somewhere.  You might invite your partner to give you some feed back on how you’re doing.  Remember, practice makes perfect.

Name: Wilson
Gender: male
Age: 58
Location: Lancing MI
I’m a successful entrepreneur, in decent health (I could stand to lose a few pounds.) I have just about everything a man could want in life, but I’m miserable.  I have no energy and I feel like I’m sleepwalking through my life.  I have no sex drive at all; my wife thinks I’m having an affair…I wish.  Even Viagra doesn’t do the trick anymore.  Is this just old age, or what?

Old age, at 58?  I beg your pardon!  Hell, you’re not even technically a senior yet!  older_men.jpgRegardless what we call it, you sound like you’re in the throws of andropause — male menopause — ya know, the change of life!

Never heard of such a thing?  You’re not alone.  It’s only been recently that the medical industry has begun to pay attention to the impact changing hormonal levels has on the male mind and body.  Most often andropause is misdiagnosed as depression and treated with an antidepressant.  WRONG!

Every man will experience a decrease testosterone, the “male” hormone, as he ages.  This decline is gradual, often spanning ten to fifteen years on average. While the gradual decrease of testosterone does not display the profound effects that menopause does, the end results are similar.

There’s no doubt a man’s sexual response changes with advancing age and the decrease of testosterone. Sexual urges diminish, erections are harder to come by, they’re not as rigid, there’s less jizz shot with less oomph. And our refractory period (or interval) between erections is more pronounced too.

While most all of us have heard of a mid-life crisis, and it’s tragic consequences — red convertible sports cars, comb-overs, and the trophy wife or lover — fewer have heard of andropause. A mid-life crisis is essentially a psycho-social adjustment to aging — bored at work, bored at home, bored with the wife or partner — that sort of thing.

Although andropause may coincide with a mid-life crisis, is not the same thing.  Andropause is a distinct physiological phenomenon that is akin to female menopause.

Like I said, the production of testosterone diminishes gradually after age 40.  I suppose you know that testosterone is the hormone that stimulates sexual development in the male infant, bone and muscle growth in adolescent males, and is responsible for our sexual drive, right?  But did you know that by the age of 55 the amount of testosterone secreted into our bloodstream is significantly lower than it was at 45.  And by age 80, most male hormone levels have decreased to pre-puberty levels.

  • Men, are you over 50, feeling weak, lethargic, depressed and irritable? Do you have mood swings, hot flashes, suffer from insomnia and decreased libido, like our buddy Wilson, here?  Then you too may be andropausal.  You need to get some lead back in your pencil!

check-up.JPGAll kidding aside, all us andropausal men might want to consider Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT).  Ask your physician about this.  Just know that some medical professionals resist testosterone therapy, because they mistakenly link Testosterone Replacement Therapy with prostate cancer.  Even though recent evidence shows prostatic disease is estrogen-dependent rather than testosterone-dependent. However, before starting a testosterone regiment, insist on a complete physical, including blood work and a rectal examine.  Mmmm, rectal exams!

Here’s an interesting tidbit; total testosterone, which is generally the only thing that is ever measured in men complaining of andropausal symptoms, is only low in relation to the standard laboratory “normal range” in 13% of cases. However, more detailed blood analysis shows that  bio-available Testosterone, which is the important measure, is decreased in 74% of cases.

Testosterone is available in many forms — oral, injectable, trans-dermal and by way of implants. The oral form is not recommended because of the high risk of liver damage.  But injections, patches, pellets, creams and gels might be just the answer.

I encourage you to be informed about TRT before you approach your doctor, because the best medicine is practiced collaboratively — by you and your doctor.

I just found a swell resource online:  The Andropause Society.  Check it out!

Good luck ya’ll

U. B. Goode

As long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, new dimensions of the soul will not emerge. — Henry van Dyke

Name: Victoria
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: San Diego
I love sex with my boyfriend. It is great but sometimes it can be a real pain. I can’t seam to stay wet for to long even if it feels really good I still tend to dry up. I have tryed lubrication even lotion and it still only helps for a few mins then I dry up again. I can cum but even then after a few I get dry again. It makes it so hard cause my boyfriend tends to think I’m not wet cause he dosen’t please me. When it is not true. He is in fact the best lover I have ever had. Please is there anything I can do to help so I don’t dry up so fast?

Bummer, Victoria, a chronically dry pussy is no fun. First, lets put your boyfriend’s mind to rest.wet_pussy.JPG

Hey Bub, it ain’t you, darlin’. Listen to your woman. You’re pleasing her just fine. The problem resides in her inability to produce sufficient lubrication to make fucking fun and effortless. But lets see if we can get to the bottom of this AACS — Acute Arid Cunt Syndrome — and maybe we’ll find a solution along the way.

Ya know, Victoria, if you’re using the wrong kind of lube for the job it’s gonna dry out, sure as shootin’. And since I don’t know what you are using, I’m gonna employ the scattergun approach. There are several different types of vaginal lubricants available over-the-counter, as well as estrogen-based creams available by prescription. Vaginal lubricants come in tubes, plastic squeezie bottles, and some women swear by the vitamin E vaginal suppositories.

If I had to guess, I’d say you were trying to get the job done by using a water-based lube, right? If that’s the case, I suggest you switch to a Silicon-based lubricant. They don’t dry out as quickly as water-based lubes. They tend to be a bit more expensive. They’re not water-soluble, so clean up can be a bit of a chore. Here’s a tip: you’ll want to avoid using a Silicon-based lube while fucking on the brand new Laura Ashley’s, don’t ‘cha know. But all these minor drawbacks pale in comparison to some mighty fine slippery fucking. Look for Pjur Woman Bodyglide, 100 ml (B305), in Dr Dick Stockroom. Mind as well plug one of my favorite sponsors, right? If that doesn’t work, I’d ask a doctor about an estrogen-based cream.

dry_pussy.jpgBut before we go there, maybe you should be asking yourself what gives with your Acute Arid Cunt Syndrome anyway. Is anything about your lifestyle that contributes to the problem? You know lot of very popular meds interfere with natural vaginal lubrication including:

• Halcion
• Xanax
• Ativan
• Calcium channel blockers
• Beta-blockers
• and especially prescribed and over-the-counter cold and allergy medications.

High levels of stress and depression, as well as a hormone imbalance, can cause vaginal dryness too. If this sounds like you, you can combat some of this by boosting your water intake. If you’re not adequately hydrated — at least ten 8-oz glasses of water a day — kinda hydration, you know you’re gonna have a problem.

Also, many hand and body soaps and a lotta laundry products contain scents and other chemicals that will irritate the delicate mucosal tissues that line your pussy.

A healthy diet and proper exercise is also important to maintaining a healthy level of natural lubrication. Ya know those low-fat, high-carb diets many women are on these days? Well, they literally starve your body of the nutrients it needs to make sex hormones. For example, the estrogen needed for vaginal lubrication is made from cholesterol, something women on low-fat diets are woefully lacking.

Name: LARRY
Gender:
Age: 23
Location: MYRTLE BEACH SC
WHERE DOES SEMEN COME FROM? THAT IS TO SAY WHAT ORGAN (ORGANS) MAKE IT AND WHERE IS IT STORED. WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENS AT CLIMAX? IF YOU CLIMAX WITHOUT CUMING IS THAT SOMETHING THAT SHOULD CONCERN ME

Semen is the technical name for male ejaculate. However, we here at Dr Dick’s Sex Advice like to refer to this man juice as spooge, spunk, jizz or cum. Semen contains sperm, of course, which is produced in your testicles. It also contains a complex “soup” called seminal fluid, which is produced by various sex glands in your body. But, despite its complexity, baby batter is 90% water.

Your most important sex glands, the seminal vesicles, produce 70% of your joy juice. This seminal fluid iscum_shot99.JPG viscous and alkaline. The alkaline quality is very important because it neutralizes the acidic environment of your urethra and a woman’s vagina, which would otherwise kill all your little sperm-letts or at least make them inactive. And what good is inactive sperm?

Seminal fluid also contains a simple sugar, which provides the energy your seed needs to survive and wriggle about like crazy. Oh and precum. the stuff that often drizzles from your man meat while you’re being aroused, comes from the Cowper’s gland, and it too paves the way for a healthy ride for your delicate spermatozoa.

About 25% of the volume of your spooge comes from your prostate gland. This gives your spunk its milky appearance. Your prostate also adds substances, which increase the survival rate of your baby seeds.

On average, a man ejaculates between 2.5 and 5 ml of jizz per wad, which contains about 50 – 150 million sperm per milliliter. Just think of that next time you shoot your business into that dirty sock at the side of your bed. And here’s another thing, if a dude’s sperm count falls below 20 million per milliliter, he’s likely to be infertile, or as we like to call it — shootin’ blanks.

The amount of goop a guy gushes varies greatly, and has lots to do with how long his arousal period lasts before he shoots. Ya see, the longer the arousal period the more time there is for your fluids to build up. That’s why Dr Dick always suggests a nice long foreplay session. The greater the build up of spooge, the more powerful your ejaculatory contractions will be. Which, in turn, makes for a more intense orgasm.

You will notice that I am going out of my way to separate the two events — ejaculation and orgasm. For a most guys they happen simultaneously. But for the lucky few, and those who practice the art of tantra, multiple orgasms are possible before the ejaculation.

crreampie1.jpgYou’ll notice your spunk tends to be sticky and thick right after you blow your load. But soon there after it begins to separate and become more runny. This is pretty normal. It is also normal for the color and texture of your jizz to vary from time to time. Sometimes it can be real milky, sometime it’s clearer with only streaks of milkiness in it. It can also contain gelatinous globules from time to time. A lot of this has to do with how hydrated you are, how many times you’ve cum recently and of course your age. Spooge production diminishes as we age.

Each ejaculation is actually a collection of spurts that send waves of pleasure throughout your body, but especially in your cock and groin area. The first and second convulsions are usually the most intense, and propel the greatest quantity of jizz. Each following muscle contraction is associated with a diminishing volume of cum and a milder wave of pleasure.

Most of us men folk can’t resist increasing manual or thrusting stimulation when we get to the point of ejaculatory inevitably. Which is too bad, because if we practiced some simple edging techniques — that is coming right up to the point of shooting, but then halting direct cock stimulation till the urge to pop subsides — our pleasure would increase. We’d last longer and our expected orgasm would be more powerful.

The typical male orgasm lasts about 17 seconds but can vary from a few seconds up to about a full minute. A typical ejaculation consists of 10 to 15 contractions.cum_drip.jpg

I know that I mentioned this before, but it bears repeating here. A recent Australian study has suggests that frequent masturbation, particularly as a young man, appears to reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life.

If you’re chokin’ the chicken a lot your sperm count will be low and the amount of jizz you produce will be less. But also age, testosterone level, nutrition and especially hydration play a big part in that too. Just remember, a low sperm count, is not the same thing as a diminished volume of cum.

When a guy blows his wad before he wants to, it’s called premature ejaculation. If a man is unable to ejaculate when he want to, even after prolonged stimulation, it is called delayed ejaculation, retarded ejaculation or anorgasmia.

An orgasm that is not accompanied by ejaculation is known as a dry orgasm. And that may or may not have anything to do with semen production, because some men ejaculate into their bladder, and that, my friend, is called a retrograde ejaculation.

Name: Ernie
Gender:
Age: 50
Location: Atlanta
I love to taste cum. However sometimes it is quite bitter. I’ve worried that it’s because someone is taking medicine that comes through in the semen. Am I at risk swallowing some cum if the guy is on heart medication or other meds?

Well, darlin’, like I always say, we are what we eat…or in this case…what we consume.

facial006.jpegAbsolutely, you can be assured that there are trace amounts of unmetabolized drugs — pharmaceutical as well as recreational — in cum. This is not as much of a concern for jizz lappers, like you, as it is for piss guzzlers. But you oughtn’t fool yourself into thinking there will be no residue.

Here are some fun spooge facts. It’s protein, baby! And It contains only about 12 to 15 calories per cum shot. That’s same amount found in an egg white.

Alcohol, drugs and nicotine will make a guy’s spooge bitter. If you want your spooge to be sweet tasting, void junk foods and have lots of fruits and greens in your diet instead. Fruit juices like pineapple, citrus, and cranberry are also known to make cum taste sweeter. The higher the sugar content; melon, mango, apple, or grape, the sweeter the spooge. Likewise, vegetables like parsley and celery are also recommended. And just so you know, consumption of these things, even 20 minutes before a blow job can effect the taste of the cum produced.

— — And ya know what? The same is true for effecting the taste of pussy juice. How sweet is that? — —

Avoid fish and red meat, they produce a bitter, fishy taste because of their alkaline content. Chemically-processed alcohol can also make your joy juice taste bitter. Naturally fermented drinks are less likely to do so. Garlic and onion are likely to produce strong odors in your spunk since they are high in sulfur; so lay off these. And of course, asparagus is to be avoided pre-blowjob too.

Good luck ya’ll

What’s Gotten Into You?

Name: Janet
Gender: Female
Age: 32
Location: Sacramento
Recently I accidentally discovered that my husband is downloading porn onto his computer from the internet. There’s a lot of it and it all features teenage girls. I feel sick at the discovery. Why in the world would he hide something like this? I don’t get it, and I don’t know what to do about it.

Let’s see, why would your husband hide his sexual fantasies from you? Ahhh, maybe it’s because he knows that if he ever did share this private little part of his life with you, you’d pitch a fit just like you are doing now.

So your husband has a harmless fantasy life. Big deal! Get over it, darling. You want honesty in your marriage, Janet? Then stop being such a prig.

sp-porn-gallery-player-screenshot-large.jpg

Fact is, most straight men groove on young female flesh. (Gay men on young male flesh.) Where’s the surprise in that? The male brain is hot-wired to find youth attractive and alluring. It has something to do with the original purpose of sex — procreation. Youthfulness equals fertility; it’s as simple and genetically programmed as that. Your husband is just bein’ a guy. Why would you berate him for that? You sound like a real charmer.

Even though most mature straight males want to gawk at teenage titties, they are rarely stupid enough to think they can compete with hot and hunky younger men for theporn_cartoon.jpg affections of these nubile vixens. Despite their rich fantasy life, they are more likely to stick with the adult females they’ve married. The guys who are to dense to figure this out, are likely to be absolutely miserable in the pursuit of what will constantly elude them. So give your old man a break, and let him enjoy a little virtual thrill.

Oh and Janet, and all you other people out there who are snooping around in other people’s private affairs — stop it! Do you honestly think that I fell for that “oh, I accidentally discovered downloaded porn on my husband’s computer” bullshit? Shame on you for prying into his private life without his permission. You have no right to do that. Even in a marriage an individual has a right to privacy and you, my dear, violated that trust. If anyone ought to be upset at this discovery it should be him.

Name: Richard
Gender: male
Age: 26
Location: Duluth MN
I’ve been practicing periods of celibacy and the way that I practice celibacy is by not ejaculating. I’ll still have fornication with my girlfriend and things like that but without ejaculation. My question is that I notice that when I end a period of celibacy by finally ejaculating that my energy level is extraordinarily low afterwards. Are there supplements I can take to counteract the sleepy feeling I have after I ejaculate? Basically I would like to have the same focus day to day as when I am practicing celibacy but while I have a sexually active life. Any thoughts or answers would be great.

Before I get to your question. Richard, let’s work on some of your vocabulary, shall we? The sexual practice you describe is not a type of celibacy. Celibacy has a very specific meaning. It is the state of being unmarried. You actually happen to be celibate, not because you’re cock_art.jpgpracticing ejaculation control, but because you’re not married (i.e. the GF). For the sake of clarity, the only thing we ought to be able to say for sure when someone identifies him/herself as celibate is that he/she is not married. Period!

You’re not really being sexually abstinent either, which is a concept that is often confused with celibacy. I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that you’re a Catholic, or you were raised as one. Who else would use the term “fornicate” when talking about having sex with his GF?

While technically you are correct, in “church-speak” unmarried partners fucking is fornicating. This is opposed to adultery, which refers to a married person fucking someone other than his or her husband or wife. The term fornicate has a very pejorative connotation. It’s a word religious people use to describe sinful behavior. Is fucking your girlfriend sinful in your mind, Richard? If it is, stop fucking her right away! If it isn’t, then don’t refer to your sexual relations with her as fornication. If you can’t bring yourself to use the term “fuck” to talk about what you two do together, there are plenty of other less negative euphemisms. For example, intercourse, or even coitus works. Just jettison the fornication, why don’t cha!

Now, on to the very interesting sexual practice you describe in your message. If it isn’t a “type” of celibacy, what is it? I think you maybe talking about a tantric sex practice. You have sex — solo as well as partnered sex — but you avoid ejaculating, right? You don’t really say why you do this other than you seem to believe you conserve energy this way. Tantric practitioners talk about this practice in similar terms — preserving one’s energy or chi. And that’s what leads me to think what you’re doing is a form of tantra.

Tantric sex is very interesting, if for no other reason it distinguishes between orgasm and ejaculation. Although they often happen at the same time for us men, we are capable of having orgasms without ejaculating and ejaculating without an orgasm. Perhaps, you’ve already discovered this.

Ejaculatory control, which is what I think you are doing, is what makes it possible for Tantric lovers to harness and extend the energy of orgasm. By refraining from, or holding off on an ejaculation, men can become multi-orgasmic. Some men achieve this by a practice known as edging or controlling the wave of orgasmic energy without ejaculating.

Further, you ask if there are any drugs that can help you regain your strength, or chi after you finally ejaculate. Rather than seek a chemical solution, why not delve deeper into tantra for the answers you seek. You are already more than half way there. You might want to look into chi power training too. Because, if I’m not mistaken, that’s what you’re actually talking about.

Name: Leila
Gender: Female
Age: 38
Location: Trenton, NJ
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He wants sex way more often than I do. It’s not because I don’t love him, it’s because he’s ballooned to over 85 pounds more than he weighed when we were married and he was a big guy back then. About a month ago, I told him why my libido was low. This hurt his feelings and I got the silent treatment for a week. I’ve been trying to convince him that it’s in his best interest that he slim down. He’d feel better and live longer. I cook healthy food at home, but I have control over how he eats when he’s on his own. I’ve tried getting him interested in exercising, but none of this is working. The best I get from him is an occasional guilty feeling that makes him order a diet soda to go with his giant sized fast food meal. I love the big lug, but he’s grossing me out.

Holy cow, your fat slob of a husband is about to lose the best thing he’s got goin for him, huh Leila?742_funny_fat_men.jpg

Listen up folks; a marriage license does not authorize you to go to seed. People marry each other because they’re attracted to their partners emotionally and physically. When a husband or wife, lets him or herself go to the point of radically changing his or her physical appearance, that person can’t complain when his/her spouse’s libido drops off to nothing, or he or she starts to wander.

Level with your obese husband, darlin’! He’s got to know that he has a choice to make — you or the junk food. You have a right to demand that he not eat himself out of a sex life, or worse eat himself to death.

Here’s the thing; many people, myself included, believe that obesity is the moral equivalent of drunkenness. That’s right, you heard me. Out of control eating is just as bad as out of control drinking. Health risks alone make obesity a national crisis, surpassing even alcoholism.

jabba-the-computer-nerd-1.jpgWould you stand helplessly by and watch your husband get hammered every day? Would anyone be surprised to learn that your libido slipped away because your husband drank himself into a stupor every night? I don’t think so. So why do we tolerate self-destructive food consumption? It’s as damaging to one’s body and one’s sex life as too much booze.

Listen Leila, you need to tell your spousal unit that his current size and shape is a turn-off to you, and that’s why you’re not putting out for him any more. Take my advice and don’t mince your words just to spare his feelings.

And for all you out there who think I’m being heartless bastard. Just imagine how cruel it would be if Leila did or said nothing and her old man suddenly keeled over leaving her not only without sex, but a widow to boot.

Name: Cap
Gender: male
Age: 27
Location: Georgia
I’m an Iraq vet, two tours of duty. I’ve been home now for nearly 6 months and I can’t pull it together. I’m depressed and angry all the time. I even find myself crying for no reason. I love my wife, but I can’t get it up. I get frustrated and embarrassed and the whole thing falls apart. My wife tries to be supportive, but I know she’s not happy. What should I do?

The first thing we all need to recognize is that the young men we send off to war are never the same men who return from war. The experiences you had in Iraq have fundamentally altered you, Cap. You are now realizing that the hell that is war doesn’t stop when one is discharged.
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It’s painfully clear to me that you are suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome. You report all the classic symptoms. Are you not getting any professional therapy to help you readjust to civilian life? If not; why not? You shouldn’t be trying to handle this on your own. Reach out for the help you need. You fellow citizens owe you this much…at least.

Not surprisingly, I’ve been hearing from a number of vets lately, the Puget Sound area is a big military hub. Many vets report difficulty connecting with a spouse upon returning home. Like you, Cap, they continue to have affection for their partner, but for some of these men and women the eroticism has gone out of the relationship. Is this just what happens when one of the partners has been gone for such a long time? Or is there more to it than that? I know some vets are so consumed by their unresolved depression and anger that it is interfering with their sexual response, making it impossible for them to perform. Some vets are turning to drugs and alcohol to numb their psychological torment. Some are simply shutting down emotionally, because their internal turmoil is just too great and there’s no room for anything else. Is this what’s happening to you, Cap?

You can’t expect your long-suffering wife to hang in there indefinitely, especially if you are not actively involved with a therapist to resolve your war-induced nightmare.

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The good news is that many men who have preceded you to war in previous generations have come home as broken and abused as you. But they have, with the help of others, pulled their lives together once again. I encourage you to move in that direction. The longer you wait, the more pronounced the symptoms will become. Left unattended they will destroy your life as sure as if you had been an actual causality of an IED. Don’t let this awful war claim even one more victim.

Good luck ya’ll

Ace In The Hole

Name: Kevin
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Location: Toronto
I’m just out of college and have a ton of bills and no real job prospects at the moment. A friend suggested I do some escorting to make ends meet. Guys tell me that I’m hot and I like sex, but I don’t know if I could pull it off. Suggestions?

You betcha I have suggestions…a lot of ‘em, don’t ‘cha know.

Being hot and liking sex are great assets if you decide to turn pro, but you’ll need way more than that. Being a sex worker is not like having sex for love or even having recreational sex. You will be exchanging sex for money and that makes it a business proposition. Therefore you’d be wise to approach this with as much forethought as you would any other career move. It is, after all, the world’s oldest profession.

abs.jpgIf you do decide to set up shop, so to speak, you’ll need the capacity to have sex with a much wider range of people than if you were looking for a date. And probably just as important, when there’s an exchange of money, the john becomes your customer. And you know what they say about the customer always being right. The truth of the matter is that all pro sex is client directed. It’s not about you even when it looks like it’s all about you.

So let’s say you’re a really great fuck, fun to be with too. You’ll also need the emotional distance and psychological resilience to cope with the intimacy issues this line of work creates. This is precisely the point where most fledgling sex workers flounder. They either give too much or not enough. Some actually resent their clients for renting them. I know, this is totally absurd, but it happens all the time. This lack of clarity will cause you to have trouble establishing healthy boundaries between you and your john.

Regardless if you are a cheap street hustler turning tricks to support a drug habit or an expensive rent-boy who is servicing the rich and famous, the pitfalls are the same. A lot of sex workers are self-destructive or have huge unresolved sex issues that they try to compensate for by making people pay them for what they usually give away.

If you still think this is a line of work for you, Kevin, be aware that your mind and body are your greatest business assets. Take care of them. Nurture them. Keep them clean, fit and toned. Hygiene, both physical and mental, is a must. Body awareness, not the narcissistic type, and safe-sex practices are your frontline defense against STIs (sexually transmitted infections). Make it your business to be tested for HIV and the other common STIs on a regular (every 3-6 months) basis.

Stay clean and sober while on the job. More sex workers get busted for drugs rather than hustling. Know how to handle a drugged out client. You’ll probably see a lot of those. Know that they can take forever to get off, and can sometimes be paranoid and dangerous.

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Speaking of getting busted; you know this line of work is against the law, don’t you. That of course doesn’t stop lots of people from plying their trade. But the successful ones will have their wits about them, particularly in terms of how they market themselves. Never suggest, in any forum — written or spoken, that you are offering sexual favors for money.

Be fiscally responsibility. Plan for the lean times…and there are always lean times. You’ll probably be a hot property at first; ya know the whole “new meat” phenomenon. Don’t let this go to your head. Count on there being cuter, younger, hotter competitors getting off the bus tomorrow. Try to cultivate a number of regular clients. Have a thought to how and where you will market yourself. And I fully encourage you not to do this full-time, at least not at first. If you find it difficult to meet your financial goals, you’ll be tempted to do more and more risky things just to make ends meet.

Sex work is often more about being psychologically present than a sexual performance. Your clients will often be more lonely and isolated then they are horny. Treat them with respect. Improve your mind. Make yourself interesting. Stay abreast on current affairs and the popular culture. Develop other skills like massage and bodywork.

You should have at least one trusted friend who knows your whereabouts at all times, or who has access to your appointment book. Protect yourself: use a pager or cell phone and never make a date with anyone who won’t share his/her phone number with you. Always make a call back before you head out. Keep an appointment book, in code if you must.

Carry a travel bag or backpack with you to all your “dates”. This should contain the basics: condoms, lube, massage oil, handi-wipes, toys, etc. But you should also have an extra shirt and mace (or other protective equipment). Keep all your belongings — clothing, phone, watch, and wallet — together and near your bag. Know where that bag is at all times and be ready to pick up and leave if there’s trouble.

I also suggest that you connect with other sex workers in your area. There is strength in numbers. Other rent-boys will provide you with essential information about troublesome clients and help you get the lay of the land, so to speak.

Finally, here’s a few of great resource for all sex workers — The Sex Workers Outreach Project, BAYSWAN, AIM and St James Infirmary.

Name: Clare
Gender: Female
Age: 40
Location: St Louis
My best friend can’t bring herself to sever her ties with her ex-boyfriend. Even though their last attempted reunion ended in a very violent fight. My friend has this weird nostalgia for the relationship she had with her ex at the beginning. Back then, before he started drinking and drugging, they did have a couple of good years, but that was a long time ago. I’m very concerned for my friend. She’s often depressed and she is pulling away from her friends. I think she is seriously considering getting back with her no-good, two-timing ex. I know that my role as a friend is to love and support her, but her ex is not to be trusted. I fear as much for her safety as for her heart. What’s a friend to do?

So many things are going on here, Clare. It’s hard to know where to begin. Your friend can’t sever her ties with her ex because she doesn’t want to. Even if she wanted to end it once and for all, it’s not an easy thing to do.

Anyone who has been there will tell ya that quitin’ a bad relationship is as difficult as quitin’ booze or dope…maybe even harder. Most folks in poisonous relationships can’t extricate themselves because they are part of the toxicity. Bad relationships, like the good ones, are completely dependent on the participation of both individuals in the couple. Each one feeds off the other and each one’s bad behaviors rewards and facilitates the pathologies of the other.

domistic_violence02.jpgThere is no such thing as a good, psychologically healthy person in a bad relationship. There may be one in the couple that is less culpable, or less abusive, or less self-destructive, but there is never one that is without blame.

Like all junkies, your friend is hooked. Her depression and withdrawal are outward signs of the pathology. Nothing is gonna change this for her until she acknowledges that she is caught in a downward spiral. Domestic violence — and we ought to label the nature of your friend’s relationship for what it is — will escalate. It always does. Will your friend get out in time? There’s no guarantee. Is there anything you can do? Well that, Clare, is a more difficult question to answer. If you do too much you are at risk of supporting her habit. Or worse, you could be co-opted into the pathological dynamic of the relationship.

The best you can do is to tell your friend how you feel about her predicament. Speak your mind in no uncertain terms. If you decide to confront your friend with an intervention, I suggest that you have some well-considered resources to hand her while you are doing so. For example, you could do some legwork and find a some local domestic violence resources — a hot line, a shelter, counseling referrals and the like. Once you make this intervention and it’s over; drop it. Drop it for good. This is the hardest thing a friend has to do, but constantly badgering someone in your friend’s condition is counterproductive. If you can’t stand to witness the self-destruction, take your leave of the friendship and hope for the best.

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However you play this, don’t hold your breath for a happy ending. They happen sometime, of course, but real life is so not like the movies.

Name: Dena
Gender: Female
Age: 32
Location: NYC
I love my cunt. In fact you could say I have a cunt fetish. I love to stuff my cunt with really big toys. My current BF introduced me to fist fucking and I love it. I guess what I want to know is can this be dangerous?

I love it, a chick who refers to her pussy as a cunt! You go, girl!

But what’s this…you’re just now gettin’ around to askin’ if fisting is dangerous? Not before, but after you’ve had a fist in your cunt? Well, so much for being proactive. I’d be willing to guess that you probably already have some data on the advisability of this form of extreme sex play. You clearly have enough information to declare that you LOVE IT.

hanball2.jpgOk, for everyone in my audience who hasn’t heard of fisting (both those with a cunt and those who are cunt-less), let’s start at the beginning. I trust you know what fingering is, right? Whether it’s fingerin’ a pussy or an asshole, it’s loads of fun to diddle someone’s innards. We already know that fingerin’ a dude’s hole will stimulate his prostate, which even non-gay men are finding to be way fun. And fingering a pussy will stimulate a woman’s G-spot. Ok sex fans; take that fingerin’ concept and multiply that by 5. That’s right, fisting is inserting a whole hand/fist into cunt or asshole.

For all you folks who haven’t fainted away, yes, it is anatomically possible, and yes, it CAN be EXTREMELY pleasurable. I hasten to add that gettin’ a whole fist inside a pussy is somewhat easier than gettin’ a fist in an asshole. But for folks like you, Dena, those who are into massive penetration, nothing is a bigger turn-on. Fisting aficionados say that handballing is the most intimate and complete way to touch another human being. This kind of extreme penetration has to be worked up to slowly and gently.

To your question if this practice is harmful…well not if ya do it right. First off, the fisting top does NOT make a fist and ram it home. Trust and communication between partners is as essential as is tons of lube. Some folks swear by Crisco, others the legendary J-Lube — a handy-dandy concentrate for veterinarian use. They believe this product stand apart from the rest because it’s more slippery and gooey. You can find J-Lube in Dr Dick’s Stockroom. See the My Stockroom tab right there at the top of this page. How freakin’ convenient is that?

The fisting top must, of course, respect his/her partner’s limits and pain threshold. Safe fisting is happy fisting. And to that end, keep the following concerns in mind.handball1.jpg

First of all, the fisting top must cut and file all his/her nails until every finger is as smooth as it could possibly be. Your fingers will be in some very delicate places — places that may not have pain receptors. You’ll want to insure that you minimize all chance of causing injury.

Make sure your partner is relaxed, comfortable and turned on. When a woman is aroused, her pussy lubricates, relaxes, expands and lengthens; all of which are very important for accommodating a fist, don’t ‘cha know.

Even the wettest cunt in the world will need lots and lots of lube during fisting. There’s no such thing as too much lube, so prepare for a big fat mess. Lube your hand, the back of your hand, between your fingers. Keep applying lube as you go. Push the lube into the pussy (or asshole) with your fingers. Remember if you’re using latex gloves, oil-based lubes will dissolve latex.

Start with one or two fingers and work your way up to three and then four. Most people need some time to further relax their muscles, and some may require several stretching sessions, over weeks or even months, before they can actually accommodate a whole hand.

Tops, be sensitive to your bottom’s feelings. You are trying to finesse part of her body to open and to admit part of your body deeply inside her. If you take your time, the energy exchange between you and she will move you both into an altered state. Communication and relaxation is key.

handball_self.jpgOnce you’ve reached a five-finger insertion, you’re almost there. But it’s at this precise point that the handballing top needs to be the most attentive. Your partner’s pussy is being stretched to its near limit. Your partner is going to be riding a wave of pain/pleasure. If you find her cunt has reached its limit for the time being, respect that and pull out slowly. But if your partner wants more, then slip your knuckles inside. Be sure to fold your thumb under your fingers, so that your hand will form a duckbill wedge shape. This will allow you to gradually stretch your partner open as you press on. Apply steady but slow pressure.

Your partner should tell you when to push and when to back off. Careless fisting can cause muscle and tissue injuries. If the top goes too fast or too hard there’s gonna be more than discomfort, there will sure enough be injury. Listen to the owner of the pussy; she will let you know the difference between hurts so good and hurts really bad.

Your knuckles are the widest part of the hand and the most difficult part to get past the opening of the cunt. If there’s gonna be resistance to the insertion of the fist, it’ll probably be at this point. Wait until your partner is ready before making the big push. She may be able to help by bearing down (like if she were birthin’ a baby, or taking a big dump). Once your knuckles slip past the ring of muscles around the vaginal entrance, the pressure will ease off. Now you can gently roll your duckbill shaped hand into a fist.

At this point, the owner of the pussy or asshole may want a gentle pumping movement with your hand. Fisting can produce extremely intense sensations; so ask her what feels good to her.

When the session is done, make your hand into the duckbill wedge shape once again, and gently slide it out slowly.

Good luck ya’ll

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OUCH! WHAT? and Mmmm!

Name: Garth
Gender: Male
Age: 44
Location: South Africa
Hi I fissured my butt sometime ago and I think it has healed. I have undergone a Lateral Sphincterotomy twice – inner and outer. Unfortunately the area is now VERY sensitive and when I deficate the area ‘screams’ in pain. It is worse the softer the faecies is. When the faecies is firm, the pain is very low. Will this go? Is there any medication that I can use?

An anal fissure is a common proctological problem, especially for the heavy ass play crowd. An anal fissure is a tear in the anal tissue. The most common complaint is a pain in the ass…literally! during and after taking a dump. There may also be itching and possibly some bleeding. Pain and irritation can cause a spasm of the internal anal sphincter muscle, which sleazes up and further aggravates the condition.

The Lateral Sphincterotomy you mention is a surgical procedure to close theanal-fissure-anterior-chronic-w-papilla.JPG fissure. This operation remains the primary form of treatment for chronic conditions.

All my medical consultants tell me that, if your surgeries healed properly, you shouldn’t be experiencing pain, let alone “screaming pain” when you shit. We all understand that the area will continue to be sensitive, but the pain you describe is not a good sign. You may very well have an infection. You need to have that looked at ASAP. This is nothing to fool around with.

Here’s a tip for everyone in my audience: pain, of any sort, is one way our body talks to us. Its message is— things are not as they should be; get it fixed NOW. Sometimes the pain will subside when we stop doing something…like holding our hand too close to a flame. Some pain will only subside when a condition is fixed…like getting a cavity in our tooth filled. Other pain, like the emotional pain that comes with depression is harder to soothe, but it can be done. Finally, pain like the kind Garth is experiencing means something is very wrong. And if not attended to immediately, things will only get much worse.

Name: Ryan
Gender: Male
Age: 20 something
Location: Lowell MA
A few years back, a friend confided that he contracted genital warts from his ex-girl friend. He had the genital warts on his genitals, anus, hands, feet and in his mouth. His ex-girl friend had it on her hands, in her vagina, mouth, anus and cervix. I can understand having it on the genitals and hands and in the anus, mouth and cervix. I didn’t ask how he got it on his feet.
He went to work in another state, but came back here two years later. He told me16789433_p.jpg he liked a girl he met and would like to bring the relationship into a more intimate level. I asked him about his genital warts. He said he was cured of it. I read that genital warts cannot be cured. That it can be treated, but will remain incurable and contagious although dormant for a while.
Will the girl get it after they had sex? My friend comes to my house very often, drinks beer with me and my girl friend. He uses the bathroom and the hand towel. Even after scrubbing the bathroom and washing the hand towel, can my girl friend and I get the genital warts? As for my friend, was he condemned not to have sex for life? Or, is it safe to have sex if there was no outbreak or external signs?

I’ve seen several bad cases of genital warts, but never a case that included hands feet and mouth. Perhaps that outbreak was something else, I won’t even hazard a guess.

You are right; technically genital warts remain incurable, though non-contagious and dormant if treated correctly. And proper treatment is the key. For more information you might consult: www.dph.sf.ca.us.

Casual contact, the kind you describe below — bathroom, towels, etc. — cannot pass on the virus. Transmission is dependent on intimate genital contact. Does your friend (his GF) have an outbreak going on now? Can you see something on his (her) hands and face?

I know my friend is a responsible person and he will not knowingly infect me with his genital warts. But, how can he be sure that the wart is dormant and non-contagious? I am now wary because he told me his genital warts were cured. This makes me wonder whether he was given the wrong medical advice or he was just trying to put my mind at ease. Aside from using the bathroom and towels, he also eats dinner at my home and could infect my dishes, utensils, cloth napkins, etc. and pass the virus to me and my girl friend.
This matter has the potential of becoming a dilemma for me and my friendship with him. I don’t want to ask him details such as who is his doctor, what kind of treatment he is getting (it seems the infected person must be tested periodically and the treatment ongoing) and how is he going to determine when he is not contagious. He is a sensitive person and I know that he will get angry if I asked him these questions. I can make excuses not to see him at my house (this only goes so far). If I ask or make excuses, I’d lose his friendship. I don’t want to lose him as a friend. But, I don’t want him to infect me and my girl friend with the virus either, knowingly or unknowingly
I don’t see any warts on his hands and on his feet (he wears sandals sometimes). I don’t know if he plans to tell the girl he plans to get intimate with.
My girl friend doesn’t know about this. She will freak out if I tell her and that will cause more problems. Help!!!???!!!

If I were you I would ask him about the treatment he received for his warts. That would put your mind at ease. Besides, your friendship sounds like it’s on the brink anyway. And here’s a tip: you probably have lots of casual contact with many other people with genital warts without even knowing it — it’s a very common malady.

Thank you very much. I think he should also tell the girl about his genital warts before having sex with her. She must be given the option to reject or accept it. I also read that the virus can be passed just with skin-to-skin contact when there is a flare up. Is this true?
I feel bad about this. Although my friend is a responsible person, there is still a chance he could get carried away in the heat of passion and throw precaution and caution to the wind.
I imagine it is difficult to enjoy sex when you have to do and think of many things that could go wrong. Giving him my sympathy will not help. He alone has the burden of doing what has to be done before having sex to prevent contaminating his girl friend or spreading he genital warts around.
I will appreciate any additional information/clarification/advice you can give me about this.
Thank you again for your help.

Genital warts, like herpes, are contagious only when there’s a flair-up. Skin to skin contact can pass the virus at that point. Also, like herpes, if the genital wart virus has been treated, the likelihood of passing on the virus is negligible.

I am of the mind that we all ought to be responsible and up-front with our sex partners about any health related issues that might impact on their health.

Name: T
Gender: Female
Age: 46
Location: Canada
Do you have any suggestions about FE, I believe I have once and it was total bliss. But achieving it again is quite another.

FE??? Are you talkin’ Female Ejaculation, darlin”? Ok, let’s start with a little background.

The G-spot (or Grafenberg Spot after the physician who first wrote about it) is a small area of spongy tissue just behind the front wall of the vagina, between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix. This is analogous tissue to the male prostate. In fact, the G-spot is sometimes referred to as the female prostate. But like most things sexual, particularly if it has to do with female sexuality, there’s a lot of debate about whether the G-Spot is the same thing as the female prostate. I intend to steer clear of that controversy just as much as possible.

What I can tell you for sure is that during early fetal development both male and female fetuses start out being physically female? This does not change until a male fetus begins to produce its own hormones around the eighth week of gestation. Only then does the physical development of the male and female bodies diverge. Of course, this necessitates that female fetuses initially have structures that could develop into either “male” or “female” reproductive and sexual organs. This means the tissue that develops into the male prostate gland must also be present in women. Get it?

Many women report that their G-area is more sensitive to stimulation than othersquirtingpic5.jpg parts of their vagina. To find your very own G-spot, put two fingers in your pussy and curve them upwards, like toward your belly. Now make a “come here” motion, stroking the upper wall of your vagina with a firm, upward pressure. Feel that? That’s your G-spot, darlin’! How fun is this?

Fingering yourself like this will probably be more pleasurable if you’re already aroused. Some women have orgasms and/or ejaculate from G-spot stimulation, but not all women ejaculate and not all women find G-spot stimulation pleasurable….wouldn’t ya just know it!

Some women report that they feel like they need to pee when their G-Spot is stimulated. Therefore, I suggest. that before you go rootin’ around in your pussy lookin’ for your g-spot, that you completely empty your bladder. Oh and make sure your fingers are well lubricated throughout your exploration. Even if you have a lot of your own vaginal lubrication, I always suggest the use of a water-based lubricant to augment your own juices.

We all know that post-menopausal women experience bouts of vaginal dryness, but even younger women have dry episodes, especially if they are taking antihistamines or antidepressants.

If ya want to hit your G-spot while fucking, may I suggest you try “the woman-on-top — cowgirl” position or the “doggy” position. These are best because your partner’s dick will be better situated to hit the front wall of your pussy.

***Guys, most women need firmer pressure to the front of their pussy to have a G-Spot orgasm. This might best be accomplished by quick strokes and a lot of deeper friction.

Like I mentioned earlier, G-Spot stimulation may cause you to ejaculate a small amount of white or clear fluid. Some women produce more ejaculate than others. Just remember, the gushers…the ones you see in porno movies…are faked for your viewin’ pleasure. I mean, come on; some of these videos would scare the fuck out of Noah!

Enjoy your exploration, T. Like I always say, the more you know about the mysterious workins of your own personal pussy the more information you’ll be able to share with your own personal partners.

If you’re looking for a swell “how to” look here: Dr Dick’s How To Video Library:

Good luck ya’ll

 

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