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What just happened?

Name: Selena
Gender: Female
Age: 37
Location:
I have been with the same man for 17 years now. Although he is not the only man I have been with he is most definitely the best. I suppose mostly that’s due to having years to experiment and practice, etc. Anyway, I have always had amazing orgasms all of which require clitoral stimulation regardless of position but the other night I had a gusher; I squirted a lot! He was inside me and I was using my vibrator. And when I got off, there was only this one big release, but there was so much fluid it made a spot on the bed twice the size of a large softball, maybe even larger. At first, I thought it was him until he asked if I was okay and that’s when I felt this warm honey-like feeling fill me. I have never had this happen before and would like to know if it’s normal or not to, all of a sudden, have an orgasm like that? Quite frankly I am not impressed for the fact that it was only 1 big release instead of my usual orgasm where I often climax for up to 2 minutes. And should I be embarrassed? What if his face had been down there? Thanks for your help

I’m so glad to hear that you have been having lots of amazing orgasms, Selena. Good for you! However, it The Amazing G-spotseems to me that you’ve wandered into some new and uncharted orgasmic territory with the one you describe. In fact, it sounds like you’ve had your first ejaculation. There’s nothing abnormal about it, although it’s not all that common.

And why would you be embarrassed to have had an ejaculation while your partner was eating you out?  Hasn’t your man ever busted his nut on your face?  Isn’t it the same thing?  I say, yes.  And no man ever apologizes for that stunt.

There is a lot of controversy about female ejaculation. Well-meaning people in and out of the sex community continue to debate the topic. Women and men, scientists, clinicians, academicians, scientists, and lay people all have very strong opinions that they don’t mind insisting are that last word on the subject. And yet the debate continues to rage. I find that curious. But so much about human sexuality remains controversial. That probably says more about our culture than about sex, but you I’ll bet you know that already.

Anyhow, I’ve written a bit about female ejaculation on my site, there are some podcasts that discuss the topic too. Use the CATEGORY pull-down menu in the sidebar to your right and scroll down till you find ‘Female Ejaculation.’ It’s near the top under the heading, BODY ISSUES.

This is the sort of thing you will discover.

Name: T
Gender: Female
Age: 46
Location: Canada
Do you have any suggestions about FE, I believe I have one once and it was total bliss. But achieving it again is quite another thing.

FE??? Are you talkin’ Female Ejaculation, darlin’? Ok, let’s start with a little background.female genital anatomy

The G-spot (or Grafenberg Spot after the physician who first wrote about it) or Skene’s gland is a small area of spongy tissue just behind the front wall of the vagina, between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix. This is analogous tissue to the male prostate. In fact, the G-spot is sometimes referred to as the female prostate. But like most things sexual, particularly if it has to do with female sexuality, there’s a lot of debate about whether the G-Spot is the same thing as the female prostate. I intend to steer clear of that controversy as much as possible.

In short, what I can tell you for sure is that during early fetal development all fetuses start out being potentially female. This does not change until a male fetus begins to produce its own hormones around the eighth week of gestation. Only then does the physical development of the male and female bodies diverge. Of course, this necessitates that all fetuses initially have structures that could develop into either male or female reproductive and sexual organs. This means the tissue that develops into the male prostate gland must also be present in females. Get it? Got it? Good!

Many women report that their G-area is more sensitive to stimulation than other parts of their internal genitals. To find your very own G-spot, put two fingers in your pussy and curve them upwards, like toward your belly. Now make a “come here” motion, stroking the upper wall of your vagina with a firm, upward pressure. Feel that? That’s your G-spot, darlin’! How fun is this?

female ejaculationFingering yourself like this will probably be more pleasurable if you’re already aroused. Some women have orgasms and/or ejaculate from G-spot stimulation, but not all women ejaculate and not all women find G-spot stimulation pleasurable…wouldn’t ya just know it!

Some women report that they feel like they need to pee when their G-Spot is stimulated. Therefore, I suggest, that before you go rootin’ around in your pussy lookin’ for your g-spot, that you completely empty your bladder. Oh and make sure your fingers are well lubricated throughout your exploration. Even if you have a lot of your own vaginal lubrication, I always suggest the use of a water-based lubricant to augment your own juices.

As an aside, we all know that post-menopausal women experience bouts of vaginal dryness, but even younger women have dry episodes, especially if they are taking antihistamines or antidepressants.

If ya want to hit your G-spot while fucking, may I suggest you try “the woman-on-top — cowgirl” position or the “doggy” position. These are best because your partner’s dick (or strap-on) will be better situated to hit the front wall of your pussy.

***Guys, most women need firmer pressure to the front of their pussy to have a G-Spot orgasm. This might best be accomplished by quick strokes and a lot of deeper friction. But let your partner be your guide.

Like I mentioned earlier, G-Spot stimulation may cause you to ejaculate a small amount of white or clear fluid. Some women produce more ejaculate than others. Just remember, the gushers…the ones you see in porno movies…are faked for your viewin’ pleasure. I mean, come on; some of these videos would scare the fuck out of Noah!

Enjoy your exploration, T. Like I always say, the more you know about the mysterious workin’s of your own personal pussy the more information you’ll be able to share with your own personal partners.

If you’re looking for a swell ‘how to video’ look to Dr Dick’s How To Video Library. Click HERE to see what I found when I did a quick search for ‘female ejaculation’ in my How To Video Library.

Good luck

Review: The Killer Wore Leather

With the advent of the 50 Shades of Grey movie looming, the interwebs are abuzz; once again calling attention to this deplorable trilogy. (Apparently, the movie isn’t any better than the books. Ya don’t say?) To counteract this virus real alt-culture folks are trying to direct our attention to books and authors that better represent life on the sexual fringe. Why, there’s even a ‘which book should you read instead’ meme springing up amongst those of us who care about good erotica and authentic power play. Here is my contribution.

Just so you know, I wrote this review for a print magazine awhile back, and I thought now would be an excellent time for me to share an updated version with you here.

The Killer Wore Leather is Laura Antoniou’s new murder mystery with a fictitious international leather competition, Mr. and Ms. Global Leather and Bootblack, as its backdrop. Think IML (International Mr. Leather)… no, don’t think IML. Oh forget it; go ahead and think that if you want, because this fictional competition is clearly a very thinly veiled replica of that alt-culture institution.

Full disclosure: Laura was a guest on The Erotic Mind Show. (Look to the Podcast Archive, right here on my site, to find these great shows. You’ll find Part 1 HERE and Part 2 HERE!

These interviews were a great way to get to know Laura and hear the delicious back-story dish on the novel. Laura is wickedly funny and astonishingly subversive. Interestingly enough, these are the very same characteristics that I liked most about her novel.

In Part 2 of our conversation we chat about:

  • James Lear’s quip on the back cover: “A murder mystery with a fresh, funny take on the fetish underground.”
  • I ask if The Killer Wore Leather is her first murder mystery.
  • I ask how she happened upon this genre?
  • We talk about her main character, a lesbian homicide detective, and two of her delightful supporting characters, the boys Jack. They’re adorable.
  • I ask if these characters are based on real people she knows.
  • We discuss the very unique slice of society that is the gay leather/kink subculture and her insider connection to it.
  • I ask if how she was able to add the refreshing comedic aspect to the otherwise hardboiled murder mystery.
  • And how she got away with making light of it all?

The Killer Wore Leather opens at the Grand Sterling Hotel, NYC. Thousands of people are arriving for the annual leather killer wore leather covercompetition and fetish ball. Anyone who has ever attended one of these fêtes in real life will feel right at home. Most of the main characters and all of the supporting characters are right out of (fetish) central casting. There is even an Antoniou-esque, rabblerousing gadfly who makes regular appearances throughout the novel just to stir the shit. So unlike Ms. Antoniou, don’t cha know.

Don’t think this will spoil the plot, but the reigning Mr. Global Leather, Mack Steel, who is also one of the contest judges, is soon-to-be deceased. He is—how shall I put this—a real dick, and not in a good way. Just about everyone hates him, which makes for loads and loads of suspects once he is found dead in his hotel room. Mr. Steel is stabbed to death with a trident-shaped weapon and left wearing only a pair of frilly knickers. Oh, the delicious scandal!

Enter Detective Rebecca Feldblum and her new partner, Dominick DeCosta. Rebecca is a lipstick lesbian, and Dominick is a hot, straight, black guy. Both detectives are way out of their comfort zone surrounded by all the freaks and perverts. The convention/contest promoters decide the show must go on, so despite the murder, Feldblum and DeCosta have to do their sleuthing amidst the fetish circus.

The Killer Wore Leather is a good, old-fashioned whodunit. And Antoniou lays on the detail; we are treated to a baffling array of characters from the sexual fringe and a barrage of alt-culture jargon. But don’t let this deter you. The two detectives and another surprising character, a savvy newspaper reporter, act as a Greek chorus of sorts. Through them we are treated to a delightful exposé of some of the more fascinating nooks and crannies of the fetish and kink underground. It’s all great fun.

Antoniou’s writing style is sharp, witty, and smart. She lovingly skewers everyone and everything. I hasten to emphasize the word “lovingly,” because there are no cheap shots here. There’s never any doubt that Laura loves this slice of life and those who inhabit it. Her portrayals are hilarious, but respectful. However, she makes no bones about the fact that some of the minorities within this minority are being marginalized, and sometimes that gets ugly. Discrimination is rife, even here.

The thing that struck me most about the book is, as I mentioned earlier, Laura’s brilliantly seditious streak. She’s well known for her biting essays on alt-culture, sexual roles, and gender politics. And I am delighted to say that her keen observations bleed—you should pardon the pun—into her narrative. I loved it! And I know that you will too.

Buy The Killer Wore Leather for the mystery story; stay with it for the subversion.

I want to say another special thanks to Cleis Press, the publisher of Laura Antoniou’s The Killer Wore Leather, who sent me a copy of this book to review.

PS: This book would make a fantastic Valentine’s Day gift for any adventurous reader.

Bottom Wannabe

Name: Bottom Wannabe
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Location: Ocala, FL
Dr. Dick, First of all, I love your site! It’s informative, fun, and funny! My question is related to how to be a better bottom- I’ve read all your forums on this and my question is related to enemas. To be blunt and short, I bought a gay enema water syringe/bulb, squirt water up my ass a few times to clean it out. Sometimes I’m a totally clean bottom and other times, after a good fuck, there is shit that comes out on the guy! :-( It devastates me when this happens, and more often than not it happens. I’ve quit having anal sex and just stick to oral sex. I love getting a dick up my ass, but I’m too embarrassed. What am I doing wrong? What can I do differently? I put probably a quart of water at a time in my ass before squeezing it out. The problem exists if I have sex right away or if I wait a couple of hours.

If you are douching properly before the butt fucking there shouldn’t be much seepage if any. Maybe you’re not taking care of business correctly. Or you’re using the wrong kind of douche. (Check out the Ergo Speed Douche, it gets excellent reviews.) Or maybe you need to douche twice. Or maybe you’re being fucked too hard. I know that a vigorous fucking will introduce a lot of air into the bottom’s rectum expanding it and making for that “OMG, I gotta take a dump” Ergo Speed Douchefeeling.

It appears that your bowels are working perfectly well, so you do not want to mess with that any more than what you are already doing. My guess is that it would be a whole lot easier to alter your mindset about poop than to alter anything else in this equation.

You know the saying; “Shit happens”? Well then, now you know the true meaning of that phrase. Just about anyone who is on the receiving end of a vigorous fuck is gonna have a little seepage. If ya can’t stand that, if it offends your delicate sensitivities, your bottom wannabe days will be numbered.

Here’s my suggestion: do the best you can with the prep work and then enjoy the fuck fest. Have a trick towel handy at your bedside to discreetly mop up any shit that happens. It’s not the end of the world. And remember what I always say: There can be some unexpected side effects to rootin’ around in someone’s hole, regardless how fastidious the bottom is about his hygiene. Just ask porn stars.  But, in the end, they are just side effects; so make your peace with that and don’t give a shit. It’s no big deal; you’re just being human.

Good luck

Review: The Ultimate Guide To Sex After 50

Hey sex fans!

2015 is turning out to be a banner year for sex positive books. Here it is still only January and this is my second review of a noteworthy book about human sexuality.

A few weeks ago, January 8th to be precise, I introduced you to Cooper S. Beckett’s book, My Life on the Swingset.  In that review I mentioned that Cooper had been a guest on my Sex EDGE-U-cation Show.

Today’s review features a book written by another guest on my show, but this time it was the SEX WISDOM Show. Today’s book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex After Fifty: How to Maintain – or Regain – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life, was written by the brilliant, Joan Price.

Joan is on the forefront of our culture’s discussion on ageless sexuality. She is the author of Ult+Guide+Sex+50+covertwo other books, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. She is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader. And, if that weren’t enough, she’s also a fitness expert. This woman is a ball of fire, sex fans, and an absolutely charming interview. Be sure to listen to the two-part interview I did with Joan, you’ll find them archived HERE and HERE!

Joan and I talked about some the many myths that surround sex during life’s second half; she covers this topic more in depth in her new book. The misinformation about sex after 50 is so pervasive that even many of us seniors and elders perpetrate it. And, of course, we’re often the butt of jokes.

1. We lose interest in sex as we age.
2. Senior sex is boring.
3. Dating as a senior/elder is depressing and hopeless.
4. Seniors with arousal issues just give up on sex.
5. Sex becomes more frequent as we age.
6. Real sex must involve intercourse and orgasm.
7. Health concerns and menopause will end one’s sex life.
8. If you’re interested in sex after you turn 50, you’re a dirty old man/woman.

The Ultimate Guide to Sex After Fifty is the perfect antidote to the dismissive and degrading way that so much of the popular culture deals with senior and elder sexuality. Joan celebrates not only the existence and appropriateness of sexual desire for seniors and elders, but how sex can and does increase the health and wellbeing of older people.

Joan states her credo in the Introduction.
“…being sexual at this time of life means:
• Enjoying arousal and orgasm, with or without a partner
• Having a zesty, sex-positive frame of mind
• Being open to new possibilities
• Giving pleasure to this body that is capable of great delights
• Making a commitment to myself to be sexually aware and healthy”

Joan invites her readers to join her in conversation. And a big part of that conversation is being aware of what’s going on with our body as we age. Being attuned to that, and being able to communicate that to a partner, is key to great senior/elder sex. (To be frank, it’s the secret of great sex at any age, but I digress.) To that end, Joan includes in her book actual comments from real people that she has encountered in her work. These anecdotes reflect an array of feelings that underscore the conflicts, successes, and complexities of real life situations. And this being the Ultimate Guide, Joan includes the input from many of our colleagues who weigh in with their expert opinion on the topics she is addressing.

I love that Joan often makes the point that having a fulfilling sex life is not dependent on having a partner. Lot of seniors and elders are without a partner, but that ought not be an impediment to sexual enjoyment. Self-pleasuring, with one’s hand, or any of the myriad toys available to us, is the foundation of a rich, healthy, rewarding, and ageless sex life.

Joan also examines a topic near and dear to my life. In my book, The Amateur’s Guide To Death And Dying; Enhancing The End of Life, I took great pains to include a chapter about the sex and intimacy needs of sick, elder, and dying people. Joan does something similar in her chapter — Cancer, Cancer Treatment, And Sex. I am so grateful that Join addressed this timely topic, suggesting, as she does, that people challenged with cancer, or any other chronic condition for that matter, take their sexual performance questions to their doctors. I think we both believe this will go a long way to underscore the notion that wellbeing is not merely about absence of disease, it’s’ about quality of life. There’s also a marvelous section about sex and grief too.

And, just so you know, this isn’t a hetero-centric book. Joan includes all sexual orientations and lifestyles.

I highly recommend Joan’s new book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex After Fifty, to everyone. If you are a fellow senior or elder, this book is chock full of important and practical information about things we care about. It also provides much needed support and encouragement as we make our way through this season of life. If you’re not a senior or elder, this book is an indispensable resource for you too. Not just so that you will be sensitive to the needs of others, but that you’ll grow in appreciation of the fact that sex is for a lifetime. And hey, you just might learn a little something new from someone who isn’t “new”.

I want to say a special thanks to Cleis Press, Joan’s publisher, for sending me this review copy of The Ultimate Guide to Sex After Fifty.

Kudos to Joan! Your book is a marvel.

Be sure to check out Joan’s websites: joanprice.com and NakedatOurAge.com.

PS:  This book would make a fantastic Valentine’s Day gift.

Sounds…difficult

Name: Pete
Gender: Male
Age: 60
Location: New England
What is sounding the penis and why is it called that?

Sounding is a kind of urethra play. It’s called that because the it involves sounds, a kind of dilator. Why not mozie on over to Dr Dick’s Stockroom and check out the Sounds & Dilators section, you’ll get an eyeful!

Rosebud Urethral SoundsUrethra play freaks out lots of folks, myself included. Most of us would equate having something inserted into our urethra…for any reason…with a root canal by a sadistic dentist. Not something purposely done for the sheer enjoyment of it.

I’m always curious about how folks come to odd fetishes like urethra play. One of my correspondents way back in July 2007, Georgia,  wrote that her urethra play began when she was a child. When she asked her mother where babies came from. Her mother said it’s where peepee comes out. Georgia looked down there and saw this teeny-tiny hole. She knew having a baby was difficult and painful and thought, no wonder! So she decided she’d better try and make the opening bigger. And so it began.

Once a guy told me that he was playing doctor with his older cousin, when his cousin inserted a twig into his urethra, mimicking how he thought a doctor would take a patient’s temperature. This guy said that the moment was so sexually charged, even as boy of no more than 5, that his piss hole became an object of fascination and pleasure from that day onward. When I knew him, he was able to insert the bristle end of a toothbrush into his urethra. That bit of unsolicited information just about made me swoon into a faint back then. Even now, retelling that story gives me the willies.

So ok, this isn’t for me, but I am told by those in the know that because the urethra is such a sensitive organ, stretching it can provide exquisite sexual pleasure.Dittle Sounds

Practitioners of this unique kink often start out young, like Georgia and the other guy. Maybe it’s just a function of some people’s natural curiosity about their body, when one day they discover their urethra. They toy with it, stretch it, and find pleasure. Once that happens, of course, it becomes like most pursuits of pleasure; it becomes a fascination, then a full-blown kink.

If a little accidental stretching is pleasurable, what about intentional stretching with one kind of gadget or another — Q- tips, thermometers or a ballpoint pen? Once these kids are old enough to do some research, they discover there are an array of medical implements available to them like latex or plastic tubing, catheters and urethral sounds and dilators. Well, you can see how this could just grow and grow…pretty much like any fetish. Pleasure is curious that way, spurring us on to higher and higher heights.

Silicone SoundBut like all pleasure related things, practitioners ought to have his/her wits about them when they play with their pee hole. I think it’s ill advised to be stretching your urethra with just any old thing lying around. One’s bladder and urethra are sterile areas and one ought only use sterile equipment and procedures while inserting anything in there. And one ought to take one’s time with this sort of play. Incremental stretching is advised. Please, don’t forget the surgical lube.  The use of mind altering, or body desensitizing drugs is not recommended, for obvious reasons. Like I always say, safe and sane play is happy play.

And here’s something you should know — the male urethra is approx. 10 to 13 inches long and has a “J-shaped” curve to it. The female urethra is much shorter, only approx. 2 1/2 to 3 inches long, and there is no curve. Therefore, a woman can stretch her urethra much easier and to a greater extent than can a man. You will find that gender differences also makes for gender specific toys.

Good luck

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