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The Erotic Mind with DL King — Podcast #176 — 01/04/10

Hey sex fans,

We’re BAACK!  It’s a brand new year!  And while I enjoyed my brief respite from podcasting, I’m eager to get back at it.  During the break, these last two weeks, I’ve been busy lining up an amazing array of outstanding guest who will make 2010 a banner year.

We open the new year with yet another addition to The Erotic Mind podcast series.  And speaking of outstanding guests, I have the pleasure of welcoming a true master of the erotic short story and novel, the one and only DL King.

If you know anything about erotica, her name will stand out as a beacon of excellence in the genre.  On top of being a world-class author and editor, DL also publishes an erotica book review site called Erotica Revealed.  But don’t let all these high-faultin’ credentials fool you, because she is brilliantly funny and smutty as all get out.

DL and I discuss:

  • Who is DL King?
  • Her site Erotica Revealed.
  • The need for thoughtful criticism about the erotic in literature.
  • Her numerous publications, both hard copy and web-based.
  • The joy of makin’ ‘em laugh and cum at the same time.
  • Joining her writer’s group.

As a special treat, DL will treat us to a mouth-watering selection of the fruit of her Erotic Mind.  You won’t want miss this, people!

For more of DL, be sure to visit her on her website HERE!  Or her blog HERE!

Click on the cover art below to purchase books.


BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

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Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

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Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S  — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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Tricks Of The Trade — Part 4

Today I conclude this four part series that I started back in October. (You can Find the first three parts of this series HERE and HERE and HERE!

As you may recall, a friend of mine, who is writing a book about male sexuality for women, asked me if I could be her go-to-guy for a bunch of questions she had about pleasuring a man which she wants to include in her book. I think it is only fair that you, my loyal audience, should get this information before anyone else does.

SEX TOYS

Have you ever suggested to your clients that they use sex toys for men either solo or during (hetero) partner play?

Absolutely! And yes, for both solo play and for play with a partner.she didn't come

Sometimes it’s difficult getting straight men to warm up to the idea of incorporating toys in partnered play. They can also be resistant to toys for solo play. Some straight men think toys are gay, or only for women. Some haven’t a large enough sexual repertoire to even imagine how toys could assist them or be fun. So generally I have my work cut out for me in this regard.

What are some benefits of using sex toys for men?

First off, they increase one’s sexual repertoire. They increase body awareness. Take prostate massage, for example. It’s fun, it’s healthful, and it’s enriching. The guy becomes less cock-centric and less ass-phobic.

And another toy I often recommend is a cockring. Check out my tutorial: Cockring Crash Course HERE!  This is a low-tech aid for keeping it up and keeping it hard.

What are some of your favorite sex toys for men and why?

Orbit BodyFit Vibrating Stimulator blackGosh, there are so many. Probably my favorite manufacturer of sex toys for men these days is Perfect Fit Brand. Every one of their products that we’ve reviewed over the years is a winner. Want to know more about them? Perfect! Visit Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews, use the search function in the sidebar, type in “Perfect Fit Brand” and PRESTO!

Then there are the granddaddies of sex toys for men, the Fleshlight and FleshJack.   Guys can actually learn how to last longer using one of these. And you know how I keep talkin’ about the mutual joys and the important information shared when a couple masturbates together, right? Well, this is the ideal masturbation toy for him.

The Aneros products are designed and developed by folks who are as serious about prostate health as they are about prostate pleasure. Listen, I’m all in favor of toys that have no other purpose than to dispense a good dose of the jollies. But if a fella can pleasure himself AND do himself some good health-wise…all at the same time; well that just about beats the pants off diddlin’ just for fun.

Check out the Zini Donut for couple play.  It’s shaped like a doughnut or bagel if you prefer. It’s about the same size too. It’s very unassuming when you see it sitting in its box, in fact you’d never guess at its versatility by just looking at it. A closer look reveals that it’s actually an amazing C-shaped vibe and both ends of the thing vibrate with independent motors, but they vibrate in unison.

What’s the correlation between sticking a massager up your butt and prostate health? What good does this do?

Why is massaging any part of the body beneficial? It increases blood flow, relaxes, stimulates, reduces stress, (in the case of prostate massage, it reduces the discomfort associated with prostatitis). prostate_massage_copy.jpgMassage also aids in healthy function of one’s prostate and associated glands, in the same way general massage assists other parts of one’s body in range of motion and overall limberness.

You’ve probably heard of the tee-shirt study that showed women have an attraction to men based on scent/pheromones/immune system variance. However I’m wondering if you can think of any studies where men were shown as being attracted to women on a similar basis.

I’ve read in a couple spots that men may not be influenced by pheromones/DNA variance because their goal is to spread their seed far and wide and hope for a good crop, whereas women need to be more selective since they will be carrying and ultimately caring for the offspring. This is all biologically speaking of course. I’m not sure if I buy that…do you?

I can’t point to any studies that show pheromones play an equally important part in male to female attraction and bonding. It is a very interesting question though. There’s got to be some studies out there on the effect of a woman’s perfume on men, wouldn’t you think? I mean, imagine if there is no connection at all; the multi-billion dollar perfume industry would be a joke.

I think that male pack animals are, for the most part, only interested in the scent of estrus. Since only dominant males get to breed, they don’t concern themselves with individual females, except in as much as they are part of his harem. Males who pair-bond for life may have other interests. But in that situation it is generally the female who does the choosing of a mate, not the male.

Hers and Hers, Part 2

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday, the final edition of 2014! And, like we promised last week, we go out with a bang with this our last Zini review. Look for all of our Zini reviews by going to drdicksextoyreviews.com, use the search function in the sidebar and type in “Zini.”

Dr Dick Review Crew partners, Joy & Dixie, are back again today to show and tell.

Zini Hua —— $150.00

Joy & Dixie
Joy: “Last week we introduced you to Dixie’s vibe, the Zook.  Today is my turn and this is the Hua.”
Dixie: “You will also remember from last week that we told you that these two vibes are virtually twins in concept—stylized rabbit vibes; the only differences between the two are the contours of the pleasure points and the stiffness of the clit stimulating leaf.”zini hua
Joy: “The Hua is a slimmer version of the Zook, but to be frank, neither one is the least bit intimidating. The Hua has more texture to its insertable shaft then does its sister vibe, but, like its sister, it is sculpted to look like a bamboo shoot. The clit stimulator is reminiscent of a bamboo leaf, but, in this instance, it has considerably less give than does the same appendage on the Zook.”
Dixie: “This vibe, like its sister, is covered in a luscious, high-quality, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. Silicone is our material of choice for insertables. But don’t forget you must always use a water-based lube with a silicone toy the Hua. A silicone-based lube would mar the finish. The Hua comes in four different colors, Joy’s is a scrumptious violet, and the handle is glossy black.”product_hua_02
Joy: “The Hua, again like her sister, has two motors, which deliver five speeds and fifteen vibrating functions. The vibrations are the buzzy kind not the rumbling kind. The three-button control panel that is easy to handle and operate. The “+” button turns on the vibe and accelerates the speed through its five settings. The “-” button decelerates the speed and turns off the vibe. The round button between the other two rotates through the pulsation modes. Every press of the button makes the Hua flash a different color. And it is remarkably quiet.”
Dixie: “The vibe is about eight inches long. The insertable portion is about three and a half inches long. The clitoral leaf is about an inch long.”
Joy: “I’d like to return controller and vibrating functions for a bit if I may. The Hua, like the Zook, will alert you to how much charge is left in the battery, which is pretty cool. Press and hold the round button for two seconds, the vibrator will blink an LED color. The color of the LED corresponds to how much battery life your vibrator has left. I already mentioned that as you rotate through the vibration patterns the light in the controller changes color. All you have to do is remember the color associated with your favorite vibration pattern and you can go to it in a jiffy.”
Dixie: “Two other features make this vibe very appealing; it’s waterproof and rechargeable. The Hua comes with a USB recharging cable. It takes a couple of hours to fully charge the unit and you get several hours of pleasuring on a charge. Another thoughtful feature is the travel lock.”
Joy: “The recharge port seals with a watertight plug, but you have to be sure that the plug is set good and tight before submerging it in the bath or when cleaning.”
Dixie: “The fact that Hua is made of silicone and its fully waterproof makes it so easy to clean. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. But you can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. And it should be shared!”zini-hua
Joy: “Like we said in last week’s review, the Zini packaging is exceptionally nice. Their vibes come in a distinguished looking black gift box and all the components are recyclable. Open the box and find the Hua in a plastic bubble. Under it you will find the recharge cable, owner’s manual, and an chic drawstring storage pouch.”
Dixie: “Last week Joy made a point of saying that stylized rabbit vibes, despite looking similar to one another are not all the same. I want to reinforce that thought again this week. One size or one shape does not fit all! Each of our bodies is different; what will work for me, won’t work for Joy and visa versa. There are so many variables — insertable length, curve of the shaft, length of the clit appendage, and on and on.”
Joy: “Exactly! While I really like everything about the Hua, it doesn’t really have enough oomph to get me off. But then again, I am not the intended audience for the Hua. I’m thinking it’s geared toward a woman, or a couple new to sex toys.”
Dixie: “And like last week, we want you to know that the Hua is just as handy and pleasurable in your butt. So all you folks out there experimenting with anal sex, we bet you will enjoy it too.”
Joy: “Let’s recap, shall we? Hua is body-safe, healthy, GREEN, rechargeable, waterproof, moderately powerful, and super quiet. The sad thing is, it’s not available anywhere in North America that we know of.”
Dixie: “I know! We can’t get over the fact that, for the most part, the wonderful Zini line is unavailable here in the US. I hope that changes soon.”
Joy & Dixie “On behalf of all the members of the Dr Dick Review Crew we want to wish all of you happy holidays and the best in the New Year.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

All that glitters

Hey sex fans!

It’s the black Friday edition of Product Review Friday! And we turn again to Zini for today’s pleasure product.  I believe this marks our seventh review from their line. You are following these reviews, right? If not, I suggest that you do. You can find all our reviews by going to drdicksextoyreviews.com, use the search function in the sidebar and type in “Zini.”

Today we have a vibe designed for women. Here is Dr Dick Review Crew member, Christa, for the lowdown.

Zini ROAE —— $135.99

Christa
I loves me some high-end sex toys. They always make me feel so elegant, and that’s a pretty hard thing to do because I ain’t elegant at all. In fact, I’m kind of a schlub. Don’t get me wrong, just because a vibe is expensive doesn’t make it good. I’ve learned that the hard way.zini_roae_black_gold_size

I know you’ve seen the stuff I’m talking about; stuff that comes in gussied up packaging with fancy-schmancy logos. Stuff that looks so promising, but turns out to be a big fat dud. I hate when that happens. My time on the Dr Dick Review crew has helped me become a little less dazzled with the externals, like packaging and shit like that, and withhold judgment till I get my hot little hands on the thing and put it through its paces. Because, like they say, not everything that glitters is gold.

This gets me to my Zini ROAE, which, curiously enough, is black and gold. BTW, it comes in other color combinations too. Now when I see a vibe doin’ the whole gold thing, I say to my self, “Whoa! Are you trying to dazzle me? ‘Cuz if you are, I’m way ahead of you, buddy.”

So what is the ROAE, you may be asking. Well I’ll tell ya. It is indeed an attractive internal/external vibe, a highly stylized rabbit design if you will, that is supposed to stimulates your G-spot and clit at the same time. It has dual motors and it is covered in luxurious latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. It is beautiful to the touch. It’s also rechargeable, via a USB cable, which is the only way to go nowadays. If you’re still buying battery-operated toys, I don’t even know what to say to you, except GET WITH IT!

zini_roae_gspot_vibrator-02-lrgI was sad to learn that the ROAE is not waterproof. That’s a bummer. I expect all high-end vibes to be waterproof, don’t you?. This spashproof nonsense has got to stop, if ya ask me.

Here’s the thing about the ROAE; it’s a really great design, but it seems like the designers just blew off the recharge port cover. It’s made of this really flimsy plastic that could easily snap off. Had they made it so the port cover was sturdier and created a watertight seal, like their SEED vibe, all would be well.  I mean, why in the world would a company go to all the expense of making something as good as ROAE, but skimp in this very important detail? It’s beyond me.

Anyone who has used one of these internal/external vibes, and there are dozens and dozens of them out there, will know that one size does not fit all. All of us gals have a slightly different genital configuration. Sure everything is in approximately the same place—clit is here, G-spot there—but our uniqueness will either make of break a vibe design for each of us. What works for you may not work for me. I gave up hope long ago that I would ever find precisely the right configuration of an internal/external design to pleasure both my G-spot and clit at the same time. I guess I’m just built weird. But that doesn’t diminish the effectiveness of the ROAE. I don’t mind rocking it back and forth—a little G-spot stimulation, then some more clit stimulation. To tell you the truth, I’m not all that enamored with my G-spot. For me it’s all about my clit. When I jill-off I rarely insert anything into my vagina. I don’t use the ROAE, or any such vibe, internally, even if the designer says that’s how it’s supposed to be used. I’ll be the judge of that, if ya don’t mind. The tip of the ROAE is real good for clit stimulation too and it provides a different sensation than the flat head pad, at the other end of the vibe, the side that is “supposed” to be the clit stimulator.zini_roae_gspot_vibrator-03-lrg

The ROAE delivers a kind of diffuse stimulation, even at its most intense. I chalk this up to the silicone skin. I suspect it mutes a lot of the vibrations. This isn’t a bad thing, especially for women new to vibration. But if you are one of those gals that needs a vibrator that is so intense you need to kick-start it, this vibe will disappoint. The ROAE is remarkably quiet too.

I like the three-button control panel, which is easy to use and understand. The “+” button turns on the vibe and accelerates the speed through its five speeds. The “-” button decelerates the speed and turns off the vibe. The round button between the other two rotates through the 15 pulsation modes.

Remember only water-based lube with a velvety silicone toy like this.

Now to the issue of clean up. Because the ROAE isn’t waterproof you can’t clean it as well as you might like. Submerging a toy for deep cleaning is optimum, but there’s no submerging this guy. There is an obvious seam between the gold plastic in the handle and the silicone skin. I discovered that I needed to use an old toothbrush, along with the warm water and mild soap, to make sure this area is clean. The owner’s manual says you can’t use chemical or alcohol-based cleaners on it. WHAT? I don’t know why this is so because every other silicone toy I know of doesn’t exclude these types of cleaners. Whatever, this pretty much eliminates the possibility of sanitizing it for sharing. That’s another huge bummer because my butt-boy BF, Alex, sure enough wanted to use this toy in his ass. He reminded me that all G-spot vibes also work on P-spots. “Yeah, Alex, I know. You tell me that every time I get a G-spot vibe to review. I may just wind up giving it to him and forgo using it ever again myself. ;-(

zini-roae-black-gold-boxed-1-850x850I want to call attention to the packaging; it’s signature Zini all the way. It’s elegant without being ostentatious and it’s recyclable.

I was torn about a recommendation. On the one hand, the ROAE has a beautiful stylistic design; it’s made of silicone, and it’s rechargeable. On the other hand, there is the spashproof, not waterproof, issue, which has implications in terms of cleaning and sanitizing. For the longest time I struggled with this. I had to ask myself, could I wholeheartedly recommend a super pricy vibe that has such glaring problems? In the end, the answer was, sadly no.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Holier Than Thou

Name: Jean
Gender:
Age: 36
Location: New Haven, CT
I’ve been with the same man for 14 years. We both decided to become Christians about a year ago. Now he’s not interested in sharing the same bed and not interested in having sex with me. It tried to overlook this hoping it was some kind of phase, but it goes on and on and he still doesn’t want sex. He’s the only man that could ever satisfy me sexually. I dated a few guys, four to be exact, before we met. I still love this guy but he won’t acknowledge my feelings. I feel like I’m losing everything, my best friend, my partner, my lover …and my sanity. I’m happy we’re still together, but I’m frustrated to the point of exhaustion without my sex life. Any ideas what I could do to turn this around?

What an unhappy tale of woe you have you have to tell, Jean. The Christian conversion thing didn’t quite work out like ya thought, huh? Well maybe it has less to do with Christianity per se, and more to do with the Joe who converted with you.

I’ve heard similar complaints from other people whose partners have decided, unilaterally, to make a radical life-change for themselves. Often these new zealots fail to appreciate how their life altering decisions impact on the wellbeing of those around them. And because they are so damn single-minded about their new passion — as every zealot is, there is rarely any talking to them.holier-than-thou

Two former clients come to mind. First, there was George, a gay man in a 10-year relationship with this other really sweet guy, Robert. Eight years into the relationship Robert had a heart attack. Despite a full recovery and living a much healthier lifestyle after the hear attack, Robert got it in his head that if he were to have sex again, it would kill him. There was no reasoning with him. No sex ever again, period. This otherwise blessed relationship ended painfully. Pity that!

Another client, Melissa, discovered long-distance running two years into her marriage to Allen. She became like a woman possessed. Running consumed her. Her career, her friends and family, her social life all suffered. But no one took the brunt of her newfound craze more than her husband. At first sex was out of the question because there was no time. Then all that body-punishing running radically changed her entire metabolism. She even stopped menstruating. Her libido virtually expired. Even the imminent demise of her relationship didn’t alter her running routine. So basically Melissa just ran away from her marriage. Simple as all that!

In your case, Jean, your partner appears to have bought into the some of the worst sex-negative messages of Christianity. I suspect that there’s no turning this around and, unless you wish to continue to sacrifice your sexuality on this unworthy altar, I’d suggest you make peace with the fact that life will never return to how it once was.

And what’s all this about he being the only man who could satisfy you? You’ve had only 4 other partners, for christ sake! And most if not all were crummy lovers, right? Are you the kind of gal that quits shopping for shoes after trying on only 5 pair? I think not!

There is a whole world of men out there that would be happily give you what you aren’t getting at home and some of them may even be good lovers. If no accommodation can be made with your husband about fulfilling your needs than I suggest you beat a hasty exit.

The longer you stay in this unhealthy environment the greater the chance will be that you will become more and more embittered. God gave us the gift of sexuality for a purpose. It was meant to give us pleasure and enhance life. Your sexuality is in danger of becoming just the opposite of what nature intended. Do yourself a favor and choose life and happiness. You’ll be glad you did…so will God.

Good luck

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