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The Erotic Mind with DL King — Podcast #176 — 01/04/10

Hey sex fans,

We’re BAACK!  It’s a brand new year!  And while I enjoyed my brief respite from podcasting, I’m eager to get back at it.  During the break, these last two weeks, I’ve been busy lining up an amazing array of outstanding guest who will make 2010 a banner year.

We open the new year with yet another addition to The Erotic Mind podcast series.  And speaking of outstanding guests, I have the pleasure of welcoming a true master of the erotic short story and novel, the one and only DL King.

If you know anything about erotica, her name will stand out as a beacon of excellence in the genre.  On top of being a world-class author and editor, DL also publishes an erotica book review site called Erotica Revealed.  But don’t let all these high-faultin’ credentials fool you, because she is brilliantly funny and smutty as all get out.

DL and I discuss:

  • Who is DL King?
  • Her site Erotica Revealed.
  • The need for thoughtful criticism about the erotic in literature.
  • Her numerous publications, both hard copy and web-based.
  • The joy of makin’ ‘em laugh and cum at the same time.
  • Joining her writer’s group.

As a special treat, DL will treat us to a mouth-watering selection of the fruit of her Erotic Mind.  You won’t want miss this, people!

For more of DL, be sure to visit her on her website HERE!  Or her blog HERE!

Click on the cover art below to purchase books.


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Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S  — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

drdickvod.jpg

Vanity, Vanity, All Is Vanity

Hey sex fans!

Look, a new edition of Product Review Friday is comin’ your way. This week we bring you a toy from the Jopen Vanity line. This is actually one of California Exotics’ high-end toy lines. And California Exotics is, is as you probably know, one of this county’s oldest adult toy manufacturers.

Let’s check in with Dr Dick Review Crew member, Jada, to see what she has for us.

Vanity Vr15  ——  $170.99

Jada
When Dr Dick asked me if I wanted to review the Vr15, yet another stylized rabbit vibe, I said; “sure, why not!”

Rabbit vibes, both the traditional design and the newish stylized designs, have been a mainstay in the adult marketplace for just about as long as there has been an adult marketplace. I would love to meet the person who first came up with the design. And I would be willing to bet every dollar I have, and every dollar I ever hope to have, that the designer was a guy. Here’s why I say that.

I took it upon myself to do an informal survey of some of my women friends about their masturbation habits. I know we’re not supposed to talk about that, even with our close women friends, but a surprising number of women responded to my little survey. Of the two dozen women who responded, not one of them said that they inserted anything, not even fingers, into their vagina when they masturbate; at least not on a regular basis. It’s always all about the clit! Now I know, I know, this is not a representative sample and I suppose there are women out there who do insert something, fingers included, into their vagina when the masturbate, but I can’t help wondering what the percentage might be.Vanity Vr15

At the same time, if I were to give two dozen guys the task of designing a pleasure toy for women, I’d be willing to guess that the vast majority, if not all of them would design an insertable. Why? Because they have an insertable dangling between their legs and every guy knows where their insertable goes for pleasure. I suspect that most men can’t imagine a woman pleasuring herself without something that either looks exactly like a penis or faintly resembles one. Thus the proliferation of dildos. and their gussied-up cousin, the rabbit vibes. Doesn’t that sound a little weird to you? It sure does to me.

There is also the fact that most men frown on having their women use a phallic shaped instrument on themselves when they are having partnered sex. That doesn’t come as a huge surprise. I guess that’s why toy designers started stylizing the rabbit away from the obvious phallic design to something more like the Vr15.

So what is the Vr15 and what is remarkable about it? It’s an insertable with a “rabbit” arm, but instead of ears, there’s a tiny mouth for clitoral stimulation. It has two motors—shaft and rabbit. It’s powerful, but quiet. It’s waterproof, rechargeable and its skin is 100% latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. All those things are wonderful and add to the pleasure, but nowadays most, if not all, high-end vibes feature the same things.

Unlike other similar vibes, the Vr15 features a shaft that feels like it’s rotating under the skin, as opposed to vibrating. Remember the old rabbit designs that featured rotating beads in the shaft? It’s like that. It’s multifunctional with varying speeds. Again, all very nice, if you like that sort of thing.

It’s almost 5 inches in circumference at its widest point. The shaft then tapers towards the top and at its slimmest it’s about 3 inches in circumference. The tapered head makes for easy insertion while working your way up to that wider circumference. The total length of this toy is 8.5 inches.

I think it is important to add here that the Vr15 would work just as well as an anal toy. And because it is so easy to sanitize, (I’ll get to that later) I say why not?

The minimalist packaging, for such an expensive product, surprised me, but I liked it. It also comes with very nice storage bag.

It’s easy to use. The two-button control panel, in the handle, controls the rotation and vibration. The top button controls the shaft and the bottom button controls the rabbit. To activate the rotating shaft, press the top button once. To increase the speed, just hold it down. Press one more time to turn it off. The same is true for the rabbit, but, as I mentioned, one uses the bottom button to control it. The shaft and arm can be activated simultaneously.

The Vr15 is travel friendly because controls lock. To lock and unlock depress both buttons simultaneously for 4 seconds. That’s a very thoughtful feature.

The Vr15 has a rechargeable premium lithium ion battery. It also features LED charging and power lights.

I had some difficulty using the Vr15 on myself. It just didn’t seem to fit right. Once inserted, the “rabbit” didn’t quite connect with my clit. And if I tried to angle the vibe to attend to my clit, the inserted shaft was uncomfortable. And I don’t think I cared all that much for the rotation sensation. I’m pretty sure I would have preferred vibration.

Because it’s both waterproof and made of silicone cleanup couldn’t be easier. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. After you wipe it down rinse in warm water and let it air dry.

Be sure you only use a water-based lube with a fine silicone-skinned toy like this. A silicone-based lube will mar the finish.”

Here’s my quarrel with the Vr15. Despite the wonderful features the price point is out of this world. There are dozens and dozens of high-end rabbit style vibes on the market. Many, if not all, offer the same features. I mean, just use the search function in the sidebar and type in “rabbit.” You’ll be presented with an array of vibes, some with traditional designs, and some with stylized designs. None of which costs $171.00.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

A Rose By Any Other Name

We’re all back from spring break. The Dr Dick Review Crew is all rested and relaxed. Sadly, I can’t say the same thing about me. oh well, no rest for the wicked.

Doc:

I enjoy your podcast, the frankness and open vocabulary is exactly what I like. No need in beating around the bush, just get to the point. Wish more people would live by that philosophy.

Ok. I am a 45 YO, gay male, very experienced sexually, some say whore… LOL! I enjoy a lot of fetishes; the unusual has always been very attractive to me. The more bizarre the more I will probably like it.

Until I was about 40 I was a DOM top. I started experimenting with the group party world and enjoyed it greatly. Became an experienced fisting top with some formal training, I guess you could call it an apprentice who graduated, or so I thought. Then a few of the FF bottoms suggested I was missing something. Because I didn’t have any experience as a FF bottom I couldn’t realize the true feelings and emotions involved with fisting. I was encouraged to experience fisting as a bottom.

This was a HUGE ordeal for me. The mental change alone was like, wow. The first time I crawled into a sling and had my whole ass on display, legs spread like a woman at her gynecologist…man was I uncomfortable. This was 5 years ago. Now I can hop into a sling and take a fist-fuck fairly easy. I now understand the advice given to me: I finally understand what fisting is all about.

Now my issues.

I have changed. My whole personality has been altered. Changing from a Dominate Top to fisting bottom has created issues with my head and overall sexuality. These changes are now affecting my sex life. I guess I need some help figuring things out.

Thanks,
Jimmy

Thank you, Jimmy, for your message and your kind words about my podcasts.

We really get boxed in with all our self-identification we do, huh? I mean I know why we categorize ourselves and others as gay or straight, top or bottom, sub or Dom. It helps us understand ourselves and communicate in a kind of shorthand with others. But there is a downside to this, as you suggest.sex sling

I believe that human sexual response is a whole lot more fluid than we give it credit for. But this fluidity is often stifled when we overly compartmentalize ourselves or others. Not to mention the fallacy of the binary system — being one thing or the other.  It just ain’t so and you are the perfect case in point.

I’m always talking about how the best tops are those who, on occasion, bottom. The best submissives are those who, on occasion, dominate. Besides the wider range of experience this provides us, we also grow in emotional maturity encompassing both our yin and yang.

Also the words we use to describe ourselves have, over time, become heavily laden with unintended cultural connotations. Top/bottom, sub/Dom are classic examples of this. That’s why I believe that we ought, from time to time, reinvent the language we use to talk about ourselves. In this case, I prefer terms like: giver/receiver over top/bottom. A change in vocabulary can certainly cut through a lot of the cultural nonsense and it can open the door to a more fluid sexual expression; as I believe it ought to be.nekkidbookclub

I hasten to add that at lot of hard-core pervs disagree with me on this. And that’s perfectly fine with me. It’s just that, if our language detracts from our experience, or hems us in, rather than facilitates it, and frees us up, something’s out of whack.

You will pardon the shameless self-promotion, but I’d like to call your attention to my latest book, The Gospel of Kink. It’s a communication and relationship building workshop in workbook form. It centers on the skills us kinksters need to communicate with others, and initiate, build, and maintain the relationships that will serve us well. Learn how to ask for what you want and get what you ask for from the people best situated to fulfill your desires. The book covers a lot of the territory that you raise in your question.

Stay in touch and let me know how this sits with you.

Good luck

Early Spring 2014 Q&A Show — Podcast #413 — 03/31/14


Hey sex fans,rifleman

After a spate of marvelous interview shows, it’s time to turn our attention to the sexually worrisome in our audience. I have a swell Q&A show in store for you today, which just so happens to be our last podcast before our annual spring break. Each of my correspondents is eager to share his or her sex and relationship concerns with us. And I will do my level best to make my responses informative, enriching and maybe even a little entertaining. And I think there will be enough time for us to do some sex science too. So please stay tuned, you won’t want to miss this.

  • Kennedy, Jim, and Ronald’s lives are being fucked up by meth.
  • Sam wants to know about and share some information about penis pumps.
  • Rebecca has a heartbreaking story to tell of the last days before her husband of 46 years died.
  • Tracy asks about babies and gender. So you know it’s time for some Sex Science.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

We’ve Only Just Begun…

Name: Donna
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Location: Salt Lake City.
I’m turning to you for help, because I don’t have anyone else to ask. My boyfriend, who is 19, and I are very much in love. We plan to marry next year. But we both want to start having sex now. We are both virgins and we think we need help overcoming the natural obstacles, if you know what I mean.

Gee, I’m not sure I know what you mean by natural obstacles. Are you talking about physical things? Emotional things? Maybe you just need a little tutorial on how to get started. I’ll try to at least touch upon all these things, but first I want to thank you for entrusting me with your concerns. I’m sorry to hear that you don’t have others in your community to approach. I guess that says a lot about the family values and community standards where you live.

teen_sexuality.jpgI have lots to say about beginning a sexual life with another person. Curiously enough the information I am about to share is applicable to both women and men and it applies to any and all sexual orientations. That’s the beautiful part of human sexuality. There is so much common ground. In fact, there is way more that we have in common than what separates us.

Ok, so here goes. Be yourselves. Let your natural feeling of affection for one another lead you. Always use a condom (This applies to penis/vagina and/or anal sex.) Be gentle; be curious; seek your partner’s pleasure before your own; and most importantly, have a sense of humor about the whole damned thing.

Just about everyone who is sexually inexperienced will also lack sexual confidence. It can be nerve-wracking not being sure what to do to satisfy your partner. Sometimes this nervousness is contagious. Your anxiety can make your partner anxious. The surefire way to get around this is to not pretend you know what the fuck you’re doing, if ya don’t. The best way to find out what to do is to ask your partner what he/she likes and how she/he likes it. If they don’t know or can’t tell you, then you can find out together with some sex play. And I do mean play, not work.1sexual_response_cycle_male

This is where our natural sexual curiosity comes in. And we all have that to one degree or another. Sexual confidence comes from knowing. Curiosity will bring you knowledge.

There will be no room for curiosity if the only thing on your mind is the old in an out. That’s why I suggest you put off full-on fucking till you get the lay of the land, so to speak. Besides, there are lots and lots of ways to pleasure yourself and your partner that doesn’t involve intercourse.

Like I said, sexual confidence comes with understanding the mysteries of our sexual response cycle. Each one of us is different and the differences are most pronounced between the sexes. If you haven’t discovered at least the fundamentals of your own response cycle through masturbation; then you’re really not really ready to gift yourself to another person just yet.

female sexual response cycleYa see, the more you know about your body; how it works; where your pleasure centers are; the kind of stimulation you need and want to come to full arousal; the more information you’ll have to pass on to your partner. Even if your partner is more experienced than you, he/she will still need to get to know the intricacies of your individual response cycle.

Sexual confidence stems from being able to please your partner. When you know what you are doing you project an air of self-assurance. This is not the same thing as cockiness, mind you, although that might be a very fun attribute to have too.

The best lovers look to pleasure their partners before they expect to be pleasured. Delaying your own pleasure, particularly if you’re a guy, so that you can provide multiple orgasms to your partner will reap great pleasurable rewards for you when it’s your turn. Besides, giving pleasure is often as pleasurable as being pleasured.

Sexual confidence translates into sexual assertiveness. Each partner should take equal responsibility for initiating sex. Trust me, this is not merely a man’s role. And sexual assertiveness translates into sexual creativity. If you’re timid about trying new things, you’re gonna short-circuit a whole lot of pleasure.black teens

Learn to ask for what you want and how you want it. Communication is key to a healthy and vibrant sex life. Never underestimate the your partner’s ability to develop and grow sexually. Check in with your partner on a regular basis. Don’t assume you know what turns him/her on today, just because it turned her/his crank the other day.

Feelings of sexual inadequacy, discomfort with your body, anxiety about your skills will destroy your sex life. If you are plagued with any of these things get help with them before your bring them to a sexual partnership.

sexual confidenceSexual confidence comes down to knowing yourself and being able to communicate your likes and wants to your partner. If you’re simply gonna be passive about your pleasure, you’ll wind up getting only what is dished out to you. And for many women, that is woefully insufficient. Don’t expect your partner to know any more about pleasuring you than you do, even if she/he has had more partners then you.

Allow yourselves the time or space you need to feed your intimacy needs. If you expect to discover sexuality with your partner in the backseat of a car, you’re gonna cum up short. Passion and spontaneity is great, but what I’m talking about is different from that. Think of it as learning to walk before you run.

Being a terrific lover is dependent on know-how. Skill comes through practice. So practice, practice, practice! Keep it fun. When it stops being play and starts being work, put it aside for another day.

Good luck

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