Location: Kansas City, KS
I’m with this boy and his penis is too big. Like it literally hits the end of my vagina and there’s still an inch or two hanging out. I’m not sure why, but when he want to go all the way in it hurts. It hurts like virgin hurts. It’s not fun at all. But when he doesn’t go all the way in and keeps those couple of inches out, it’s the best sex of my life. But then he always ruins it by shoving the whole thing in, if you know what I mean. I’m just wondering if you have any advice on how he could control himself, or help me tolerate his thrusting. I’m just wondering if there is any help for this.
PS: I love your podcasts!
Aww shucks! Thanks for your kind words about the podcasts, darlin’. I really appreciate it.
As to the issue you raise about your horse-hung BF, I have a whole lot to say, don’t cha know. I have suggestions for him, suggestions for you, and suggestions for the both of you. You’ll also find one of my Sexual Enrichment Tutorials: Basic Sexual Positions For One And All, very helpful.
First, here are my suggestions for your BF. I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that he is a young thing like you, and he has yet to learn how to handle that big pipe of his. So many guys, regardless of their cock size, think that they are givin’ their woman some mighty fine pleasure by slammin’ into them like a wild stallion. These guys probably picked up this unfortunate information through watching porn. And if there is one thing that we all can say for sure it is, if a guy gets his sex education from porn, he’s gonna be poorly equipped for when he encounters a real woman who’s gonna let him jump her bones.
In your BF’s defense, he’s only doin what comes naturally. Here’s the thing; as he gets closer to cuming he will increase his thrusts and try to smash deeper inside you. Nature programmed us men folk to do this to insure the spunk we’re about to spew will land as close to the female’s cervix as possible. After all nature’s only concern is insuring successful impregnation of female, not insuring her pleasure. Bummer that, huh?
I guess you realize, as I do, that this brutish natural tendency needs to be tamed if there’s gonna be any pleasure in it for you. And guess what? There’s no one better situated to subdue the beast in your BF than you. Probably neither you, or you BF knows all that much about your internal anatomy. Am I right? Thought so. That’s why I think you both might benefit from a remedial anatomy lesson. Did you know a vulva is made up of the same tissue as a penis and scrotum? In other words a cock and balls are simply a pussy on a stick. And pussies come in a variety of sizes shapes, just like cocks & balls.
Ok, so we’re clear on that point, right? Excellent. Now the variation in size and shape of the external components of female genitalia, the vulva, vaginal lips, clit, etc., are only a preview of the amazing capacities of the internal components, the vagina itself. A vagina is best understood as a potential space. It’s very expandable. It has to be, since whole babies come pushin’ through that space from time to time. I’m just gonna hope that you both are clear on that concept.
Again if you follow where I’m going with this you’ll realize that just about any adult female vagina is able to accommodate even the really big boys. However, being able to accommodate and wanting to be impaled by a giant johnson are two very different things.
This brings me to my suggestions for you, Sam. I wholeheartedly recommend that one day real soon you have a nice long talk with the BF about you and your parts. But you have to familiarize yourself with them first. It’s beyond me why the men folk don’t ask to be introduced to a new cunt before they start pokin’ at it. Like I said earlier, everyone’s is different. I mean, most guys will take some time to figure out what all the buttons, gizmos, gadgets, and levers do when he gets behind the wheel of a new car, right? Why they don’t to that with an unfamiliar pussy is beyond me. But I digress.
Take your BF by the hand, literally and show him around. It’ll be your job to point out all the really exciting points of interest in your neither regions…and there are plenty of ‘em, don’t cha know. I’d be willing to guess that you both will be sorely amazed. Most guys think their dick is talented. But let me tell you, it pales in comparison to a cooch.
Let me introduce you both to a little exercise called: THE AT HOME SEXOLOGICAL EXAMINATION. I use this exercise frequently in my private practice.
This exercise is designed to facilitate communication with your partner about what each of you likes and dislikes about genital stimulation. You will need a good anatomically correct diagram of both the female and male genitalia — internal as well as external. You will also need a speculum, hand mirror, and a flashlight. I suppose you know what a speculum is, right? It’s a medical device designed for investigating body cavities. You can get an inexpensive plastic disposable vaginal speculum online for around seven bucks. Believe me it’s well worth the price. You probably could get one from your doctor or your local Planned Parenthood clinic too. All ya gotta do is ask.
How to proceed:
- Look online for a really good diagram of both the female and male genitalia. Make sure the diagrams you choose label all the parts, inside and out. Print these out if necessary. You’re gonna want to have the diagrams close to hand for this exercise.
- Take turns examining and being examined. It’s gonna be just like playing doctor. First, look for and then touch to all the parts of your external genitalia — he touches you and you touch him. This is touching for information as opposed to touching for pleasure, but it’ll be pleasurable nonetheless.
- Give each other plenty of specific feedback about what you are discovering. Be honest. Try different strokes on all of the parts. Use some agreed upon system for designating pleasure, like a scale of 1-5. 1 = discomfort, 3 = neutral, and 5 = hot, hot, hot. You could use colors just as well as numbers; it’s up to you.
- Once you have the parts down, so to speak, allow the person being examined (person A) to guide the hand of the examiner (person B). The examiner (B) allows the one who is being examined (person A) to be in charge for a few minutes. Person A guides person B’s hand in the areas, strokes, rhythms, pressures she or he prefers.
- Person B then takes over without guidance from person A. Person B spends some time giving the strokes he or she enjoys giving. Person A provides specific feedback — “I like that! I don’t much like that!” Use your fingers, hands, and mouth.
- Once you are familiar with one another’s external genitalia, you’ll want to use the speculum to take a peek inside your vagina. You, Sam will need a hand mirror and the BF will need the flashlight.
- With the speculum in place and open, see if you can find your cervix. It should be pretty obvious. I believe it is your cervix that your BF is bumping into with his deep manly thrusts. And that, as you well know, is pretty damn painful. Once he has an appreciation of how things are situated inside you, he will have a much better appreciation for how to pleasure you, without hurting you. And you will know what to do to help him get off without hurting you.
- If you feel like having sex when you’ve finished your exam, I encourage you to wait at least a couple of hours before you do. This way you can better focus on the educational aspects of this exercise as opposed to having it be just seductive foreplay. Sometimes, information gathering can be really sexy too.
Finally, as I said earlier, check out that sexual positions tutorial. You may find that all you and the BF need to do is come up with a new position for the fuck, like you on top, or doggie style.