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More SEX WISDOM With Yvonne Fulbright — Podcast #390 — 09/18/13


Hey sex fans! Welcome back.Yvonne Kr

That internationally famous sexologist, sex educator, author, relationship expert, advice columnist, and television and radio personality Dr. Yvonne Fulbright is back with us today for Part 2 of her turn on the SEX WISDOM show. And that means I get to ask her all the questions I didn’t get to last week. So yay for that!

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this show, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #389 and Voilà! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Yvonne and I discuss:

  • Sex coach/sex therapy;
  • Sexual performance concerns for women — preorgasmia;
  • Performance anxiety;
  • Sexual performance concerns for men — premature ejaculation;
  • Masturbation and self-pleasuring;
  • Expanding our sexual repertoire;
  • Sex trends — circumcision;
  • Erection enhancers;
  • The G-spot debate;
  • Sex play;
  • Who inspires her and her sexual heroes.

Yvonne invites you to visit her on her site HERE! Her Sensual Fusion site HERE! Her Facebook page HERE! And her twitter feed HERE!

Click on the book covers below for more information about Yvonne’s books.

YOP cover TMT cover SwEx cover hi res Pleasuring cover HGS cover

 

 

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: SPUNK Lube.

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Down, but not out

Name: Roger
Gender: Male
Age: 70s
Location: Saugatuck Michigan
Hi– linked to your very interesting site via Allkink. My question: last year I underwent radiation on my prostate; it was enlarged and had cancer cells. Apparently it did the job, since my PSA is way down and the Dr. says I’ve shrunk, and am healthy otherwise. But since then I am almost totally impotent (don’t get erect when I want to, though sometimes get semi-erect at random times). I can still orgasm, but don’t ejaculate; sometimes a little clear fluid dribbles out afterwards. Curiously, I could still ejaculate during and right after the radiation treatments, but not now. Also in general a noticeable decrease in libido. Needless to say, very annoying.

I’m gay, solo, in my 70s, celibate since mid-1980s when I tested HIV-, and a dedicated bottom. I knew I was at risk, and “safe-sex” just didn’t turn me on. I’ve been using dildos of all sizes for years. Now, insertion has become a little painful (kinda stings, like the first times way back when), but after several tries they go in OK. Those of larger girth or not-very-smooth texture are really difficult, and I’ve pretty much given up on them (though “John Holmes” still works!). There is occasionally a little blood on the dildo afterwards, but bleeding doesn’t persist, and Dr. says I have no hemorrhoid. The radiologist did warn me that the treatment might produce scar tissue in the colon. Is that a possibility?

I hate to think that I ought to give up altogether on my little pleasures, but would welcome you advice/opinion. I haven’t discussed this with my urologist, whom I don’t know very well, but did bring it up with my (female) GP, who didn’t seem overly concerned and merely suggested lots of lube, which was not news to me.PMB110

Wow, Roger, that was a mouthful. I am so delighted that you wrote in. I love hearing from folks in their 60’s 70’s and 80’s who are still enjoying a rich and fulfilling sex life, even if it is by themselves. I am of the mind that self-pleasuring can be some of the most rewarding sex available to a person at any age. And nowadays, with all the amazing sex toys on the market, one can enjoy solitary sexual pleasure like never before.

I’ve written and spoken a lot about prostate issues including the aftermath of cancer treatments. May I suggest that you take a look at the CATEGORY section on the sidebar of my site? There you will find a category labeled “Health Concerns.” There are subcategories for “Anal Fissures,”  and one for “Prostatectomy.”  I realize that you haven’t had a radical prostatectomy, but your situation is very similar to those men who have. If you click on either of those two subcategories you will find loads of useful information in both written and podcasts form.

In the meantime, let me see if I can address some of your questions in a nutshell. You ask about possible scar tissue from radiation therapy. The short answer is; yes, scar tissue is possible, even probable. And as we all know scar tissue is not nearly as pliable as regular tissue. Scar tissue also MR01034has fewer nerve ending than normal tissue. You could be injuring yourself without even knowing it since the sensations in your ass are considerably less then they once were. I’d be willing to guess that this might be the source of the bleeding you report. Maybe you need to retire the really big toys, like the John Holmes, and enjoy something more modest for the time being. Another suggestion is to try an inflatable dildo.  or a smaller insertable that vibrates.  There are several on the market. You can find several in My Stockroom. The advantage to something like the inflatable dildo is that you could insert something relatively narrow  and inflate to a larger size once inside. This would avoid ramming a big dildo in bum from the get go. And a vibrating insertable would add stimulation without the length or girth.E477

As to your erection issues; yeah, I hear ya. Aging alone will take its toll on the hydraulics that give us wood. When you couple that with the trauma of invasive surgery and/or radiation therapy, well it’s no wonder stiffies elude us. I tell the men that I see in my private practice, who are similarly challenged as you, to use a cock ring  to assist in getting the best boner possible under the circumstances. A penis pump works pretty well too, if you want to go the distance.  I have lots more to say about these devices if you care to hear about it.

C923Also, several men I know with erection concerns are taking a cue from the women folk and employing a vibrator in their sex play. There are the insertable kind, as I’ve already mentioned, and there are external ones too. Have you given this option a thought? The extra stimulation a vibrator can produce will increase blood flow and thus a more substantial boner. I have a whole lot more to say about this too if you care to write to me for that information.

In the end, it will be desire that will continue to propel you to further enjoy yourself and the pleasures your body has to offer. I wish you continued lust and many more years of healthy and life-affirming sexuality.

Good luck

Bottoms UP!

Name: Chris
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Location: San Francisco
Dr. Dick- Wow, may I say this is a fantastic site. It is good to see sex as an open topic and that its not only an allowable activity, it is a good activity to take part in. I’m 23, gay, and living in beautiful San Francisco (the perfect place for a 23 year old gay boy to be!), and your tutorials have taken my blowjob and power bottoming skills from that was good to wow lets do that again!

If I may make one suggestion: in the Liberating the Big Old Bottom Within guide, I personally recommend that anyone who wants to bottom get to know the fiber aisle at the grocery/drug store. I find that it helps to keep things squeaky clean longer.

But the question I had was about orgasms while bottoming. Is there any technique that you know of that would help me reach orgasm while bottoming without having to touch myself. I almost reached that point last night while experimenting with some new moves in the sac … but I was wondering if there were any, er, exercises I could do on my own to reach there with my partners (playing safely of course).

Yes, you may say this is a fantastic site. You can say that over and over if you like. All kidding aside, thank you for your very kind words.

grab assAnd I’m hoping you are enjoying the site’s new look. While our logo remains the same, I recently reconfigured the pages. Of particular note, is the Podcast Archive drop-down menu. Now you can go directly to each of my four podcast series: The Erotic Mind, SEX WISDOM, Sex EDGE-U-cation, Play With It shows. The Q&A shows are lumped under the general heading, Podcast.

As before, the toy reviews tab takes you to adult product review site. The Video Library tab takes you to Dr Dick How To Video Library, just as it always has. And the About Dr Dick page is also a drop-down menu, which contains the contact page, the Got A Sex Question page, the Therapy Available page and The Buzz page.

Sadly, I had to deactivate the Lick-A-Dee-Split sex advice podcast VOICEMAIL HOTLINE. It was underused and it was very expensive.

You will also notice that the site’s sidebar has been cleaned up considerably. The clutter is gone and I think it looks really nice as is. So ya’ll, go take a look and see what you think. Send me your comments after you’ve had an opportunity to look around.

Ya know, Chris, I was just about your age when I moved to the Bay Area. I finished my undergraduate degree in the spring of 1972 in Washington, DC. Later that year I moved to Oakland to begin my graduate work in Berkeley. I remember thinking to myself back then, OMG, I’ve fallen into a pot of jam. Leaving a very conservative school in the nation’s capitol, I found myself, almost immediately, on the other end of the political spectrum on the other side of the country. The world began to open for me. Berkeley was magical and my life changed immediately for the better.

In 1978, at the age of 28, I moved to San Francisco to begin work on my doctorate. It was like a dream come true. While I was living in Oakland, I would cross the bay bridge several times a week just to soak up San Francisco’s uniqueness. I used to think as I crossed the bridge and approached the city. My god, what a beautiful site! While I thought Oakland was great, I was happy not to have to commute any longer. To finally reside in the city I loved so much felt like I had died and gone to heaven.pegging147

The 70’s and early 80’s were the halcyon days of my youth. Oh to be young and gay and to live in San Francisco at that time. I wouldn’t exchange that experience for all the tea in china. I decided way back then that I would open myself to as many life-expanding experiences as presented themselves. For the most part, I was served very well by this philosophy. Of course, there were plenty of unsavory experiences that I would never want to relive, but even they were full to the brim with helpful information about me, my sexuality, my growing eroticism, as well as and the rest of the world around me. As I look back I have no regrets and lots of very happy memories.

I thought I would reside in the jewel by the bay for as long as I lived. I had surely found home. But as fate would have it, that didn’t happen. I left San Francisco for Seattle in 1999, after nearly 30 years in that amazing place. Now I look back fondly on that transformative time. The life lessons I leaned there continue to serve me well even now. I am immeasurably richer for the time I lived and loved there.

Boy, that got me way off message, huh? Sorry about that. It’s just that your email got me to reminiscing about being young and gay and living in San Francisco.

OK, on to your concerns. First, let me ask you to add your thoughts on the importance of fiber intake for the aspiring BOB (Big Old Bottom) in the comments section of that very posting. Would you do that for me? As much as I appreciate you offering your pearls of wisdom to me, I think all of our audience would benefit. Don’t you agree? The beauty part of a site like this is the cumulative knowledge and insight of all who visit there. I can’t do this all on my own, don’t cha know!  And remember, butt fuckin’ ain’t just for the gays anymore.  Straight men are discovering the joys of their prostate too.

I have a lot to say to your question about prostate orgasms while bottoming. And I would like to begin by saying that, while prostate orgasms are possible for some of us, not all of us will ever experience one. I’m not sure one can actually train himself to have one of these illusive orgasms at will. But what I can say for sure is, that this will never happen unless one is fully prostate aware.

daddy's boysHow does a fella become fully prostate aware, you might ask. Good question. I suppose that would start with an intimate familiarity with your anatomy. Do you know how you are put together “down there?” You sound like a clever lad, so maybe you are. If you’re not, my site has lots of important information. Look for Male Reproductive System in the CATEGORY section of the sidebar.  It falls under the main category — Sex Therapy.

Knowing and loving your prostate is the next step in this process. Prostate massage is where you will begin. You can do this with your fingers, a dildo, or a specialized “tool” like one of the prostate massagers that you can find at drdicksextoyreviews.com. Use the CATEGORY drop-down menu in the sidebar that site. Look for Prostate Massage, and presto!

There’s one final thing you’ll need to master and that is Kegel exercises. If you are unfamiliar with these and/or why you need to practice these exercises, you can read and/or listen to all the posting — written and podcast, I’ve made about this very important regimen. Just look for Kegels in the CATEGORY drop-down menu in the sidebar of drdicksexadvice.com. You will find this subcategory under the main category — Sex Therapy.

I’d be very interested in hearing from you again. I’d like to know how you are cuming along in your quest for the illusive hands-free orgasm. And don’t forget to use the comments section on any of the postings. I want you to share your insights with all of us.

Good luck

This is gonna hurt!

Name: Annie
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Location: Miami
Dr. Dick, My boyfriend and I have been having sex for about a year now. He is the first uncircumcised male I have been with. I’ve noticed that lately, it feels like he’s tearing my vaginal opening. He pulls his foreskin forward to lessen the pain, but it still hurts. While examining his penis looking for an answer, I noticed he has a very common condition in uncircumcised males called ‘pearly penile papules’. The papules are rough to the touch in comparison the rest of the phallus. Could this be the cause of my sex woes? Thanks so much!

I’m having a difficult time putting two and two together here, my dear. The painful fucking you describe; this is a new phenomenon, right? You say that even when he pulls his foreskin over his dickhead, you still experience pain when he enters you, is that correct?

See, that’s where I’m having a problem understanding what’s going on. If his foreskin is covering his dickhead, and thus the papules, how could they continue to be an irritant? Surely, you can’t feel the papules through his foreskin, can you? If you can, maybe we’re not dealing with pearly papules.

lovers0147Listen, I know a lot of men who have developed pearly penile papules. Some of these men have mistaken them for genital warts or sign of another STD/SDI, but they are not.

All men are susceptible to these buggers. But interestingly enough, they are more common in younger uncut black guys. They are small, hard, white, pinhead sized bumps that appear on a dude’s dickhead. They are neither painful, nor are they a sign of disease. And they are not contracted or spread through sexual activity.

If a guy has them, he should LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE. Don’t try to squeeze or pop them. If you break the skin doing this, you will leave yourself vulnerable to other more serious infections. Pearly penile papules are harmless and are simply part of maturing. Thy often disappear on their own later in life.

Allow me to repeat myself. Since this is such a common thing in younger men, I can’t see how this is the cause of your discomfort during sex. Either your man has something other than pearly penile papules, or your discomfort comes from another source.

Let me ask you this. When you masturbate, do you insert anything in your pussy? If you don’t maybe that’s a good place to begin to get to the bottom of this mystery. If you can insert a couple of fingers or a dildo into your vagina without discomfort, then we’ll have more information to work with.

If, however, you experience pain in your solo play, then you have something goin on in your pussy that needs immediate attention. You could have an infection or vaginismus.painful-intercoursejr

Do you know what that is? Vaginismus is caused by the involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor muscles, especially the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle group. This will cause discomfort, burning, and painful penetration. That sure sounds like what’s goin on with you, right?

Not to worry, vaginismus is easily treatable. Treatments include a combination of kegel exercises and insertion or dilation training. Why not get back to me with your thoughts on this.

Good luck

Show him around, why don’t cha?

Name: Frankie
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Location: Juneau
Dr. Dick, I have been married for about 6 years and my husband and I have a great relationship. But I’m unsatisfied with our sex life. Here’s the thing. When I masturbate I cum, but I don’t when I have sex with my husband. When I was in college I had a NSA (no strings attached) sexual relationship with this guy. Neither one of us had an emotion attachment to the other, but it was great sex. Is it possible the reason I can’t cum with my husband is a breakdown between my emotions and my orgasms?

I think you’re asking if it is possible for a person to get off with a relative stranger (a NSA kinda connection), but have difficulty fully enjoying sex with someone they truly love. Is that about the size of it?

If I’m on target here, than the answer is yes, absolutely. This is more likely to be a bugaboo for women than men, but a lotta people experience a disconnect between sex and intimacy for one reason or another. If you can get off on your own and/or in a zip less fuck, but not with your old man, then I’d say you might be experiencing such a rift.bound_male.03

Sometime this has to do with upbringing. If you were socialized as a girl to believe that sex is dirty, or at least not particularly wholesome; then you may find it difficult putting love and sex together. Or if you were taught as a girl to think that women who enjoy sex are whores; then you may find it difficult putting devotion and passion together.

Of course, your problem might simply be that your college beau was a much better cocksmith than your hubby. He may have had the key, so to speak, to unlocking your orgasm.

Let’s start here. On the scale of 1-10, 10 being “World-Class Lover,” how would you rate your husband? If he is less then an 8, you’re gonna have to show him how to become a 10. Since many women require direct clitoral stimulation to get off, I suggest you have your old man stimulate your clitoris with his mouth, fingers or a vibrator. Have him do this before, during after, or even instead of fucking. Also, you gotta let him know precisely the way you like and need to be touched. This will go a long way towards increasing your sexual pleasure and satisfaction, which is the foundation to having orgasms. He will benefit too and become a much better lover.

restraintsThis is why I’m such a big proponent of mutual masturbation, even…or should I say especially…for folks in exclusive and long-term relationships. I like to think of it as a way of checking in with one another about the all important arousal stage of our sexual response cycle, which changes with time. Do yourself a favor and invite your hubby to a little show. If you think you might be a wee bit shy for just dropping trou and jilling-off for him, make this part of your sex play. Try a little erotic bondage; have him sit up in a chair or lie back in bed. Restrain his hands and arms and possibly his legs and feet as well using a belt, necktie, or silk scarf.

When you’re certain he won’t be able to use his hands to reach for you while you’re doing your show and tell, let the tour of your lady parts begin. Straddle his chest or lap, and bring your pussy up close to his face. Start by pointing out all the amazing features of your own unique vulva. Make this part instructional, but also naughty too. Stick your fingers in your hubby’s mouth and get them all slick with spit, then finger yourself. Get your own juices flowing and diddle your clit. It’ll be the most fantastic lap (face) dance he’ll ever have.

This is the ideal time for some dirty talk or reading erotic aloud. The more tuned on you are the better it will be for him too. Show him how you bring yourself to orgasm. Feel free to include lots of lube and a toy or two. Remember, this is all about you, but for his benefit. I can assure you it will be instructive for him and liberating for you. And most of all it will be hot, steamy fun for you both. And it won’t involve fucking. Once you’ve gotten yourself off a time or two, undo his restraints and let him do the same to and for you. Who know what wonderfully erotic doors will open for you both through this exercise.

Good luck

Take a look at all the interesting and smutty stuff I’ve collected on my new Tumbler page HERE!

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