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Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me…

Name: John
Gender:  Male
Age: 16
Location: San Diego
My dick is kinda small.  I want to add 3-5 inches.  How do I do that?

Jeez, this is just about my least favorite topic of all.  I keep promising myself that I won’t small_cock1respond to anymore “how do I grow my dick bigger?” questions.  And then along comes a young pup, like you John, and asks the question again.  Here’s a tip, everything I have to say about cock enlargement schemes I’ve already said.  If you want to know my thoughts about this wearisome topic scroll use my site’s search function in the sidebar to your right.  Search with key words like “cock shape”, “cock size” and “jelqing”.  Once you read through all columns and listen to the podcasts you will have all the information you seek.

Here’s a bit of an overview of what you’ll find.  First, you’re not even completely through puberty yet, John.  So if you could just chill out for a couple more years till your growing spurt is complete, you might find that nature itself will resolve your issue for you.  If, by chance, you find that by your 18th birthday your cock is no bigger than it currently is, then it’s time to make your peace with your piece.  Because basically that’s the dick you’re gonna have to work with for the rest of your life.

In other words, you have about as much chance of growing a bigger dick than what your genetics has determined for you as you do growing your feet bigger or adding inches to your height or changing the color of your skin.  It’s simply not gonna happen.  There is no true way of safely increasing either the width or the length of your johnson, short of a small_cock3surgical intervention. And I never recommend that.

Just like there are ways to give the illusion of bigger feet, darker or lighter skin or being taller than you really are, there are things you can do to create the illusion that you’re growin’ yourself a bigger dick.  But all the creams, the jelqing, the pumps, the weights the what-have-you, will only have a short-term effect if they have any effect at all.  In the end you will have spent a whole lot of money, wasted a lot of time, been consumed with a great deal of anxiety and possibly even injured yourself to wind up having what you’ve always had and not significantly more.

May I suggest that you practice accepting what genetics has determined for you in terms of cock size and everything else.  Because that will give you more time and energy to learn how to use what you have to its greatest benefit.  Luckily, our capacity to be a good, and even great, lover has nothing to do with the size of our cock.  Anyone who tries to tell you different is pullin’ your leg.

Name: Laurel
Gender: female
Age: 42
Location: San Francisco
My best friend, someone I truly love, has been really getting into S&M lately.  Some weeks ago she told me she now has a full-time slave.  She says it’s a lifestyle thing, but I still don’t get it.  The problem I have is that this isn’t a private thing between her and this guy. She parades it around and treats him like a slave 24 hours a day.  I find this really disturbing and it’s like she does this just to annoy me.  My husband and I are complete equals in every way.  I can’t get comfortable watching my friend humiliate and degrade someone like this.  My friend says I should just quit being so uptight.  Is this really just a question of me being closed-minded?  Or is there something radically wrong with someone wanting to humiliate and degrade someone else?

How did your best friend’s lifestyle choices, whatever they might be, suddenly become all about you?  If you really cared for this person as much as you say you do, or better yet, as much as you care for yourself and your delicate sensitivities you’d try to look beyond your superficial appreciation of what’s going on with your friend and her slave.

fem-domYou say your problem with your friend is that she doesn’t keep her perversion private; rather she and her man slave “parade around” 24hr a day.  What, you’d prefer she be a dilettante kinkster? Hell I give her credit for taking this thing seriously.  So many others compartmentalize their lives — this is me for my family and friends — this is me for playmates — and this over here is my secret me.

As to your friend, I doubt that she gives a flying fuck if her public antics annoy you.  In fact, that may very well be why she does it.  Let’s try and look at this as dispassionately as possible.  Your friend, by being so public with her kink, has entered the realm of political and sexual theater.  That is not in any way meant to diminish her commitment to her lifestyle.  On the contrary, only someone who is totally into this would have the fortitude to constantly poke a finger in the eye of polite society.  She has a message for you and us. And I suspect that it has something to do with the unfortunate sex-role stereotyping and stultifying gender conventions that plague our buttoned down society.  But best you get that directly from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

I have no way of knowing why your friend does what she does, but she belongs to a very long and venerable tradition of flying in the face of the popular culture.  Sure she risks being cut off by you and ostracized by others.  And that has to hurt on some level even for those way out on the fringe.  Like all political theatrics she draws you into her world, albeit as an unwilling participant. Humiliating her slave in front of squeamish folks, like you, who don’t share her kink is asking for more than tolerance that’s for sure.  One could make the case that her behavior is foolhardy and counterproductive.  What’s for certain is she’s walking a fine line between performance art and alienation.  In the end, Laurel, you may find that it is you who will need to set the boundaries.slave

And I don’t think this is simply a question of you being too up tight.  But I fear that you are using a conventional mindset to try and decipher these very interesting goings on.  That’s simply not gonna work.  Like I said earlier, she’s being this public about what most people, including yourself, think should be private because she wants to make a statement.  I suspect your conventional mindset doesn’t know what to make of consensual power-play, which is precisely what this is.

You point out that you would never humiliate your husband like this.  No kidding?  Of course you and hubby aren’t engaged in consensual power-play, are you?  Because if you were, you’d understand your friend a whole lot better, even if you still disapproved of her public performances.

If you find your friend’s lifestyle so disturbing, you could simply ask her to chill the scene when you’re around.  She may or may not comply.  Another solution might be that you ask her for some alone time, just she and you, without her slave.  Hell, even a slave get a day off from time to time.  Again she may or may not comply.  If no arrangement can be made, then perhaps it’s time to part ways.  Hopefully you guys could do that with as little acrimony as possible.  There’s no need to burn bridges over this.  Who knows this might be a phase she’s going through…ya know trying to show everyone how edgy she is.  In time she might very well find that the fringe is not all that comfortable and decide to keep her kink more to herself.

Name: Jack
Gender:
Age: 52
Location: Milwaukee
I’ve been dating this guy for over a year.  He is the love of my life.  I love him so much, but he treats me like shit.  I met him on vacation in Florida.  He’s 26 a stunning, 6’3” 200lbs, blond surfer Adonis.  And excuse me for being so graphic; he has the biggest dick I’d ever seen.  The first time we had sex I saw stars.  He filled me up like no other person has.
When I got home we exchanged emails nearly every day and even had some hot phone sex a couple of times.  He was down on his luck, because he lost his barista job for coming to work stoned too many times.  I know I shouldn’t have, but I invited him to come live with me.  I flew him up, but I told him that this wouldn’t be a free ride, he’d have to stop smoking so much dope and get a job and he agreed.
The sex was fantastic for the first couple of months, but once he established himself as a star at the gym he found his own friends and now I don’t see too much of him.  He eats my food and drinks my liquor and drives my car.  I pay for his cloths and gym membership.  He has yet to find a job.
I know I should just end it, but I love him and I would really miss the sex.  My friends ridicule me for thinking he loves me as much as I love him.  They tell me they know he sees other guys.  I’m so turned around I don’t know what to do.

Like my momma always used to say:  if it’s got wheels or a dick, you know you’re gonna have problems with it.  And I would add, if it’s got big wheels or a big dick you know you’re gonna have BIG problems with it.

Before we turn our attention to your no good boyfriend, let me make a few quick hot guyobservations about you.  You’re a freakin’ mess, girlfriend! I mean really, you’ve broken all the cardinal rules about dating a hustler.  I know, I can hear you now…oh no dr dick, he’s not a hustler; he’s a good kid who’s just down on his luck and I’m just trying to help.  Bullshit!

Ya see, that’s the first cardinal rule of dating a hustler is never lose sight of the fact that he’s a hustler and you’re his john.  Don’t get me wrong; I have the deepest admiration for hustlers and their johns.  It’s just that this arrangement only works if everyone is clear about the ground rules.   And here are the ground rules — rich older gentleman connects with needy younger hunky stud for mutual benefit.  Rich older gentleman keeps needy younger hunky stud in room and board, booze, cloths, car, gym membership and the like; and needy younger hunky stud buggers rich older gentleman senseless with his big blond surfer-boy dick.  Get it?  Got it?  Good!

Second cardinal rule — what happens on vacation should stay on vacation.  Vacation sex, as wonderful and delicious as it may be, does not transplant very well to your non-vacation life.  You’re more likely to have success transplanting a delicate tropical orchid to your Milwaukee backyard than transplanting a vacation hustler fuck to your work-a-day world back home.

Third cardinal rule —don’t try to gloss a perfectly fine, fully functional and even an affectionate hustler/john relationship with talk of love.  It’s unnecessary, unseemly and untrue.  It’s lust, it’s limerence, it’s love sickness, whatever…it’s just not love.  Because LOVE don’t ever make you feel as bad as you’re feelin’.  Probably your friends would have less difficulty with your mooning over this guy if you were more honest about the nature of this relationship.  They wouldn’t be rubbing your face in the evidence that surfer-boy is pluggin’ other dudes.

Fourth cardinal rule — a size queen, like you Jack, should admit that you are enamored with the guy hose and how it fills you up plain and simple.  To pretend that you would string yourself out like this for a guy with tiny meat is just that — pretense.  Listen, there’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ a size queen, it’s the dishonesty I object to.

How is this young fella ever supposed to respect you when you don’t respect for yourself?  He probably had you pegged (no pun intended) back on the beach in the sunshine state. He knows you will tolerate his misbehavior, which of course gives him permission to do whatever he feels like doing whenever he feel like doing it.  And now he don’t even have to give up the occasional mercy fuck any more, even though that was surely part of the deal at the get go, right?

So the waif has yet to find a job after a year, huh?  Why is that not surprising?  But even a hustler needs his mad money, besides what is doled out to him by his long-suffering john.  I’d be willing to guess Mr. surfer dude is turning tricks to keep himself in weed and other essentials.

hot_guy2Thing is, this fellow probably would have treated you better if you would have just stuck to the hustler/john script.  Ya see, kids like this need structure.  He may have looked to you for this at one time, but when he realized that he had you cock-whipped, the teachable moment evaporated.  This lad is probably like most other boys with big dicks.  They learn early on that their cock gives them enormous power, because it is the object of desire for so many.  He soon discovered that you were no different than all the other men (and some women) in his life — only interested in owning a piece of his sizeable endowment.  And so he turned the tables on you.  You can hardly fault the guy.  You try to manipulate him with your money.  He outwits you and manipulates you with his dick.

If you’re really serious about reining in the little monkey, you’d better come up with a clear, unambiguous message about what you will and will not tolerate.  And it better be something more than “I expect you to bone my scrawny middle-aged ass on occasion.” Because, until you do, he will roam wherever and whenever he wants.

There are many root causes for his behavior, just like there are many root causes for your behavior.  But since I’m talking to you, not him, I suggest that you get to the bottom of all of this by investing a good deal of time and energy with a competent sex-positive therapist. There’s one thing I can say for certain, if the status quo continues your resentment will boil over one day and there will be violence, the kind of violence that you may not think yourself capable of now.  But violence there will be; you can bank on it!

Is there enough goodwill between the two of you to resolve this unfortunate situation amicably?  Who knows!  If I had to guess, I’d say there was a slim to no chance for that.  If that’s the case, I advise you pack him up and put him on the next plane south.  And no more relationships for you, particularly with unemployed young men with massive schlongs, till you get your head screwed on tighter.

Good Luck Ya’ll

Slip Slidin’ Away

Three lucky members of the Dr Dick Review Crew have been having a gay old time with the new signature line of personal lubricants.

These particular lubes come from the good folks at Fleshlight and FleshJack.

We’re all pretty ga-ga about the fleshlight products here at Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews.  (Check out my review of the granddaddy of male masturbation toys HERE!)

So it comes as no surprise that these wizards have developed their own line of water-based lubes to go with their fine products, or that can be used on their own.

Today we welcome a new Review Crew Member, Madora.  She joins Ken and Dixie, who introduce us to the new lubes.

Fleshlube Elements Pack $24.95large_1441

This Package Includes:
– 1 4oz. Bottle of Fleshlube Water
– 1 4oz. Bottle of Fleshlube Fire
– 1 4oz. Bottle of Fleshlube Ice

Fleshlube WATER

 

Madora

What can I say?  There’s nothing I don’t love about Fleshlube WATER by the makers of the Fleshlight.  It’s super smooth, weightless, light, it’s water based so it’s safe to use with my favorite silicone vibes.  One of my favorite parts about it is that you use a little and then you just completely forget you’re using lube, it’s so natural feeling.

I’m not into putting tons of chemicals on my private parts so the fact that it’s got only five ingredients makes me terribly happy.  The main ingredient is Purified water and it actually contains honeysuckle extract.  Is it just me, or is honeysuckle an incredibly sexy word?  Either way it fits right in.fleshlube_water_2

So far I’ve only used it solo cause, well, I’m single right now and I’m the only one I love enough to get that close to my honeypot.  Feel the love.

Fleshlube WATER is also hypoallergenic so it’s great for people with sensitive skin and it comes in a recyclable plastic bottle with a simple sleek design.  If Fleshlube WATER Lubricant were the only lube I ever used for the rest of my life, I’d be totally fine with that.

Full review HERE!

Now here’s Dixie!

Fleshlube ICE

Dixie
Thanks Madora, and welcome to the Review Crew!

I have to agree with Madora about the attributes of Fleshlube ICE Lubricant; like the WATER lube that she used, mine is also silky smooth and lightweight.  And of course, it’s water based so it’s safe to use with my silicone toys and latex condoms. So hurray for that!  The “ice” or cooling effect is very nice too.  Nothing overpowering, it’s more of a gentle sensation.fleshlube_ice_2

I took a slightly different tact with my review.  I decided to dig deeper into the ingredients of this product.  Madora mentioned honeysuckle extract.  My lube also has honeysuckle extract.  I had never heard of this additive before, so I thought I’d look that up on the interweb tubes.  I discovered that in traditional Chinese medicine, honeysuckle is used to clear heat and toxins from the body.  Recent studies in China found honeysuckle to be effective in reducing inflammation, fever, and infection.  I think that’s really interesting.

Fleshlube ICE also contains glycerin.  This might be a concern to some.  Even though the vast majority of skin care, hair care and other products marketed as “moisturizing”, “hydrating” or “replenishing” use glycerin as one of their main active ingredients. Glycerin draws moisture from the lower layers of the skin and holds it on the surface.  So some claim that basically you rob Peter to pay Paul, as it were

The ICE or cooling agent is: Menthyl Lactate, which is a cooling agent derived from an ester of menthol and lactic acid.  An ester, I discovered, is a compound formed from alcohol and an acid by eliminating the water.  I’m like getting this chemistry lesson along with my pleasuring.

Full review HERE!

Now here’s Ken!

Fleshlube FIRE

Ken

I have the Fleshlube FIRE lube.  I think it’s great.  It does have a nice warming component to it that kicked up my jerk-off session a notch.  It felt really good on my dick and balls, but also on my butthole.  I’m not big on insertions of any sort.  I know, I know, I’m missing out…maybe one of these days.  But still I do like a nice rim job.  And since I can’t rim myself, this Fleshlube FIRE lubricant is the next best thing when I’m by myself.fleshlube_fire_2

I was all excited about turning my partner, Denise, on to Fleshlube FIRE, but she wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic as I was.  She has really sensitive skin.  I mean you can just look at her crooked and she breaks out with the heebee jeebees.

Once she had a look at the ingredients she nixed the idea of use on or with her.  She was happy to see the lube was paraben-free.  Apparently parabens can be found in shampoos, commercial moisturizers, shaving gels, cleansing gels, personal lubricants, topical pharmaceuticals and toothpaste. They are also used as food additives in some products.

Denise said that parabens can mimic the hormone estrogen, which is known to play a role in the development of breast cancers. It can also adversely affect the secretion of testosterone and the function of the male reproductive system. That pretty much sold me on avoiding parabens in the future, that’s for damn sure.

The next thing that concerned Denise was the additive:  Propylene Glycol.  I guess this is something like Glycerin, because it works as a hydrating factor, but it too draws moisture from the lower part of the skin to the surface giving only the impression of moisturizing (rather than actually doing it!).

Full review HERE!

SATISFIED!

We’ve got some goodies for ya, sex fans, two blissful massagers from the UK.  Emotional Bliss is a new company with exceptional credentials.  Their approach to product development is simple; maximize pleasure.  And in the process they’ve come up with revolutionary designs, which has form following function.

These products are specifically designed with a woman’s body in mind.  However, that doesn’t mean that a man can’t enjoy them, on the contrary.  But let’s let Jada of the Dr Dick Review Crew take over from here.

Femblossom $99.95

Jada

Form does indeed follow function in the two vibes I have before me.  (Each will have its own posting)  First up is Femblossom.

I had to giggle at the name.  Femblossom, what kind of name is Femblossom?  Perhaps it’s a British term, I don’t femblossom1know.  All I can say for sure is, I immediately rechristened it SATISFY.  And you want to know why?  Because, in my book, name should also follow function.

Femblossom is unique, no question about it.  It is a hand-held massager, but it’s unlike anything else I’ve ever seen.   It is constructed of a hard plastic with non-slip surfaces on the control pad and on its underside.  I really liked the non-slip feature on the control pad.  The same on the underside of the vibe, however, made gliding it along delicate skin difficult without the use of lube.  Luckily, the package included samples of water-based lube and silicon-based lube.  Both can be used on this toy.  By the way, that’s a very thoughtful addition, Emotional Bliss; thank you and good marketing!

The stylized shell shape of this vibe is a perfect fit to lie astride my vaginal mound.  The pointed tip easily slips between my vaginal lips to nuzzle my clit.  The vibe is powerful enough to create intense stimulation throughout my whole pelvic area.  I hate a wimpy vibe!

I discovered that if I prop myself up against some pillows, place Femblossom on my vulva, and close my thighs on the vibe, I’m able to send amazing sensations all over my genitals.  The harder I squeeze my thighs together the more intense the sensations.  I can even do kegel exercises this way.  And what could be  better for sexual health and wellbeing?  I found that I don’t really need to use my hands at all, except to reposition the vibe from time to time. It’s brilliant!

The Femblossom also warms up with use; not so much so that you’ll feel uncomfortable or have a sense that the unit is over heating.  I was trying to concentrate on the warming sensation, but I couldn’t really discern if the warmth of the Femblossom was due to the heating element or my own body temperature.  What can I say; I’m hot blooded!  But then again, I wasn’t using the vibe on high speed.

After using Femblossom on my own several times and liking it a whole lot, I thought it would be nice to introduce it to partner play.  My husband took to it right away.  He’s not one for vibes that look like a penis.  I don’t suppose I can fault him for that.  And, I’m not one of those gals that get off on vibe penetration.  That’s why we like the Femblossom so much.

My husband liked how the massager fit in his hand.  The controls are very easy to manipulate, even with lubed up femblossom2fingers.  Femblossom has nine distinct massage modes.  I think that’s the greatest variety of pulsation I’ve ever seen in a vibe.

During our play together, my husband also used the vibe on himself.  He placed the Femblossom tip on his perineum and cupped his testicles in the shell form.  The handle reached up and touched the root of his penis.  He was surprised by the intensity of the sensations and he really liked the warming sensations. He was running it on high speed.  This thing has a very powerful motor.  And the hard plastic material seems to conduct the vibrations more effectively than do my silicone vibes.

Full Review HERE!

Drum Roll Please! Dr Dick Is Expanding

Hey sex fans,

As most of you know, I’ve been reviewing adult products on this site for well over two years.  These reviews grew out of the frequent requests I got from visitors for additional product information and buying assistance and advice. I am delighted to learn that my opinion, as a Clinical Sexologist, carries a good deal of weight for a perspective consumer.  That, and I make ‘em laugh.

Unfortunately, this site wasn’t the optimum vehicle for these reviews.  I was able to post teasers on my home page well enough, and these linked back to the Product Reviews Page.  But in a matter of months, the Product Reviews Page became unwieldy.  One had to do endless scrolling to find the review one was looking for.  And there wasn’t a search function for the Product Reviews Page.

Since this site’s update and facelift in January, I’ve wanted to spin off the reviews to their own site.  Finally, after six weeks of labor intensive effort that dream has been realized.  Allow me to introduce you to Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews.

ddstr

You’ll immediately see how much better this stand-alone site serves our purpose.

  • Now each product has it’s very own posting.
  • One can search for a product by name.
  • There are expanded Categories and Tags to bring things together.
  • Now all the adult product links on this site refer a visitor to this new site.

Some people in my audience have come to identify with one or another of The Dr Dick Review Crew — my fellow reviewers (women, men and couples; gay, bi and straight) who are helping me with reviews; especially for gender specific products.  With this new site, you can now search the site for reviews posted by your favorite Crew member.  How sweet is that?

I hope you take a moment of your precious time and take a look around.  Your comments and critique are always welcome.

There is one final thing.  I’ve also recently launched a stand-alone podcast site too called Sex Advice With An Edge.

sawe

The Dr Dick Review Crew is all geared up to start posting new reviews again next Friday, 05/15/09.

The Erotic Mind of Jesse Fox — Podcast #117 — 04/27/09

Hey sex fans,jfox

I have a really swell show in store for you today.   My guest is an award-winning erotic author who represents a very popular strain in erotic fiction.  Her work is rooted in the romance tradition and it represents a departure from the more hardcore erotic fiction penned by of some of my other guests.  I am so pleased to welcome Jesse Fox.  And in doing so I also introduce you to a mighty-mite of and online publisher, Dark Roast Press.

In my quest to bring you diverse perspectives on The Erotic Mind, I’ve been chatting with erotic artists of every stripe from all over the world.  Our aim, as you know, is to uncover something of the creative process involved with this specialized art form.

To that end Jesse represents the fascinating world of Slash.  Don’t know “slash-fic” from a hole in your head?  Well, neither did I.  At least not until the renowned author, James Lear introduced me to the topic back in February.  (Be sure to check out Part 1 and Part 2 of my conversation with James HERE and HERE.)

mainlogo2

You’ll also want to visit Jesse online HERE!

Jesse and I discuss:

  • Her nom de plume.
  • Her writing career and how it began.
  • Fan-fic, Funny-fic, and Slash-fic.
  • The birth of Dark Roast Press.
  • Writing erotic fiction that comes out of the Romance genre.

Jesse will also treat us to very delectable selection from the fruit of her Erotic Mind.

lumiere shadowsbeneath

adarkroastedxmas darkroastval

(click on the thumbnails to get more information about these volumes)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe.  I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by:  Fleshlight & FleshJack.

Fleshlight Sex Toy

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