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Hey Sex Fans,

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, I have the pleasure of introducing ya’ll to some of my more pervy correspondents and their gift giving quandaries. Nowadays, everyone wants to say “I Love You,” but they want to do it with an EDGE. Thanks to the treasure-trove that is My Stockroom, I’m able to bring you yet another installment of my ever so popular — Sex Toy Awareness feature

Name: Monroe
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Location: Michigan
My wife is gonna get a gang bang for Valentine’s Day. Shes like a total sex freak. I want to get something to bump it up. We tried a blindfold in the past, but it kept slipping down or up when things got heavy. I was thinking about a hood but what kind should I get?

Ahhh, sweet love! Nothing says “Be Mine” like an old-fashioned gangbang. I have to congratulate you,j419.jpg Monroe; you win the best non-traditional Valentine’s Day date award for this year. When other couples are basking in the intimacy of their love for one another, you guys will be sharing the wealth. You go, kids.

I feel your pain about the blindfold slippin’ and slidin’ in all that athletic sex. I mean, how’s a chick to concentrate on all that cock when an ill-fitting blindfold distracts her attention. That simply won’t do!

I concur with your estimation of the situation; a hood would be so much better suited to the goings-on you have planned. And you’re right; there are so many styles to choose from. Of course, one would want the thing to be as comfortable as it is durable for those marathon sessions. But I would think it also needs to be easy to clean. You know how careless some of those gangbangers can be with their spooge.

That’s why I’m delighted to turn you on to this stylish little number — The Spandex Hood with Blindfold and Mouth Hole (J419). This lightweight, non-abrasive, smooth black spandex hood is a simple, elegant bondage accessory that comes with a built-in, padded blindfold and reinforced opening for the mouth. This makes it oh so flexible for a range of intimate play.

It’s easy to maintain too. The hood is resistant to body oils, perspiration, jizz and lotions, and can be washed by hand with gentle soap. Bonus points: the spandex will not catch or pull hair coming on or off (for that, you’re on your own).

Name: Janice
Gender: female
Age: 22
Location: Toledo
My girlfriend and I are discovering our kinky side. We’re both very ticklish and we’ve been playing with that pain/pleasure edge in some of our sensory play. We’re looking to move beyond our homemade sex toys (mostly kitchen gadgets and hair brushes). I want to get her something for Valentine’s Day. I can’t go hole hog like I would like, cuz I’m still in college and my budget is real tight. Suggestions?

kl512.jpgI absolutely love it…”Hole hog”! Were you making a pun, or was that the most delicious typo ever? Either way, darlin, I got to tell you; I’m gonna steal this and use it later on.

To your vexing gift giving concern, I think I may have just the thing for you and the GF. For less than the price of a dozen long stem roses (that will only wilt and fade), you could have this handy (no pun intended) device — The KinkLab Vampire Gloves (KL512).

These soft, sexy leather gloves have a fierce side: prickly metal points on the fingertips. They create an intense ticklish sensation. They’re great for sensory play. And if you also employ a blindfold and some sweet, sweet bondage…well you can have yourself a ball.

These gloves are designed to help you realize your own vision of how passionate, creative, and pervy your private erotic life can be.

Name: Jordan
Gender: male
Age: 48
Location: North Dakota
My new lady friend is so sweet. She indulges my nylon stocking fetish. (My ex-wife would have none of it.) Sometimes she will make dinner in nothing more than an apron and my beloved stockings or vacuum the carpet in stockings and high heels and nothing else. It is so hot I get excited just thinking about it. I want to show her my gratitude and get her something nice for VD. I want to get her something sexy to go with her stockings.b483.jpg Unfortunately we’re here in ND and there’s nothing like that around here. Can you help doc?

I’m gonna guess that you mean Valentine’s Day when you write — VD. Otherwise I don’t know what the fuck!

Listen up, you old dog; you have this whole gift-giving thing backwards. You say you want to reward your new lady friend for her forbearance of your stockings kink. That’s mighty generous of you. But then you go on to say that you want to get her something that will only enhance your fetish pleasure. This reminds me of the guy who went out and bought his wife a pair of waders (in his size) to reward her for letting him go fishing all the time. You men are all alike!

Ok, on the off chance that your lady friend actually likes the stockings thing almost as much as you, I have this for you both — A Black Leather Garter Belt (B483).

This garter belt is made from soft, high-quality, black garment leather. The seams at the front and sides will accentuate the lady’s contours, while the soft, adjustable, black elastic at the clasp on the back and at the legs allows for a snug and sexy fit.

It’s also super sexy, and very comfortable to wear.

Name: Ivy
Gender: female
Age: 31
Location: Calgary
I’m super jealous of my best gay pal who has a penis pump. We were smokin some herb the other night and he showed it to me. I thought holy shit why don’t they make something like that for chicks?

And you wonder why they call that stuff DOPE!vag_cyl.jpg

Girl, simmer down there; don’t be gettin your skanties in a twist. Lookie here, it’s a — Vagina Cylinder (C012). The perfect Valentine’s Day gift for yourself.

The Vagina Cylinder is made of industrial grade clear cast acrylic, just like the male counterpart. The airlock release valve at the end of each cylinder will connect directly to the pump. The device is designed to create extra sensitivity in your pussy lips, don’t cha know. The 2″ deep cup is 3″ wide and 4″ long.

The cylinder fits completely over your gash, and when a Brass Hand Pump is attached and used, it creates a vacuum, causing your sweet lips to swell and tingle. See, now you and your gay pal can pump till your hearts are content.

PS: Dr Dick discourages pumping while stoned!

Name: Dmitri
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Location: Miami
I like to fuck mens and women too. I can go for hours and never get tired. But sometimes my legs hurt after. How do I stop this?

j414.jpgYa gotta love an equal-opportunity fucker! And one that can go for hours…why, that’s almost too good to be true. But you’re right, pal, all that muscle strain keeping your partners’ toes pointin’ to Jesus, can really cramp…literally…your style.

But wait, there may be a quick fix. Check out this sweet puppy — The Deluxe Portable Leather Thigh Sling (J414). Now your bottom can do most of the work keepin’ his or her legs out of harms way.

This Premium Leather Sling is perfect for traveling, or for places that cannot handle a full sling or suspension system.

Simply slide the padded neck brace behind your bottom’s neck, and slip his/her thighs through the adjustable padded loops. The sling cradles the neck and keeps his/her legs open wide for lusty accessibility.

Made of heavy duty leather, this sling will hold up to rough play and extended wear. It has two D-rings at the back of the neck brace to attach wrist restraints for more bondage control. The leg straps each have adjustable steel buckles, and the padded neck and thigh braces are made of softer garment leather with a foam core. Fabulous, huh?

Name: Nina
Gender: female
Age: 33
Location: TX
My husband and I were in San Francisco for a professional conference in September. It just so happened that the Folsom Street Fair was happening that same weekend. We walked down to see the sites. We were completely blown away. My husband is very handsome and keeps himself in very good shape. All the gays down here all think he’s hot.
Anyhow, Jim, my husband took a keen interest in all the leather wear. I thought I would surprise him with one of those things that go on the chest. I’m not sure what they’re called.c489.jpg Nor do I know to get the right size. Do you have any useful information?

Yes, my dear, I have plenty of useful information. I’m sure you meant that in a nice way.

So you got an eye-full, at the Folsom Street Fair, huh? I’ll bet! For those in my audience who don’t know what the FSF is, it’s the culmination of San Francisco’s Leather Pride Week. And there ain’t nothin’ like it no place else, don’t cha know.

So before I move on to your query, I have to ask. What does your sizzlin’-hot hubby do down there in the lone star state that he is the object of so much admiration by the gays?

Ok, that leather thing that goes on a dude’s chest? I think you’re referring to a harness. If I’m right, this should do the trick, so to speak — A Studded Full Frontal Harness (C489)

This here is a brand new take on a great fetish classic — the chest harness. It can be combined stylishly with boots, gloves, a mask, or any other fetish fashion. It is also simply striking and sexy on its own. This will surely show off hubby’s attributes at a party, a club or the local PTA meeting. It well also great for a hot and heavy scene with you at the old homestead.

Black leather 11⁄2″ straps, with alternating silver metal studs, will adjust to fit his chest with chrome snaps which connect to two sets of dual chrome O-Rings. A chrome cock ring is also included with this harness. The harness is strong, sturdy, and oh so masculine.

The 11⁄2” genuine black leather torso-cock strap with alternating silver metal studs, matches the harness perfectly, and can fasten to the front O-ring and to the chrome cock ring, or any cock ring he chooses, for an arousing and secure fit.

You will find a key to buying the appropriate size right there in My Stockroom.

Good luck ya’ll

Merrily We Roll Along!

Hey sex fans,

I hope ya’ll survived the holidays. I did! Although I can’t tell you how glad I am that all that nonsense is over.

Before we begin, I just want to remind you that my podcasts will resume next Monday, January 07. I have a slew of interesting questions that have been piling up over the past couple of weeks. So I can guarantee you it will be a juicy podcast. Don’t miss it!

Name: Fay
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Location: LA
I met this guy on the Internet and he seemed nice and all, but I wasn’t that turned on to him. All I remember is he was pretty nerdy and had really sweaty palms. We went out a couple of time, nothing serious. He just wasn’t my type. So I stopped responding to his calls. Last week I was out at this club with some friends and I saw Mr. Nerdy with this other chic. And I was like, wait a minute, that skank’s hornin’ in on my stuff! I know I wasn’t returning his calls, but still, I saw him first. It was like totally freaky, how they were all kissy-kissy right there in everyone’s face. What should I do?

Seriously? What should you do? How about getting a life. you vacuous twit? And Iwoman_screaming.jpg mean that in the nicest sort of way.

If you could just pull your head out of your ass long enough for you to listen to yourself; your misguided notions about dating and your fundamental lack of respect for the feelings of others would surly grate on you as much as it does me. Your mindless chatter is like fingernails on a blackboard. I mean REALLY!

Think about what you are suggesting here. You’re gettin’ all territorial about some guy you could barely bring yourself to give the time of day to and then blew off like he was excess baggage. You didn’t bother to take the time to look beyond his nerdy-ness and his sweaty palms like this other woman have done. Had you done so, you might have discovered what this other “skank,” as you so lovingly refer to her, has found. But ya didn’t!

Like most nerds, this guy probably developed other means of making himself attractive and interesting to compensate for his nerdy-ness. Maybe he’s got a big ol’ dick, or he’s great in the sack. Maybe he got a big bank account or maybe he simply has a handle on the basic social graces, something that you, dear Fay, have yet to grasp.

Your jealousy is neither cute nor charming. It does, however, mark you as self-centered and childish. For the most part, jealousy is a byproduct of a person’s lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Here’s a tip: try and develop a healthier sense of self, so that you’ll mature into someone who can interact with others in a respectful manner that is befitting another human being.

Oh, and have a nice day!

Name: Joanne
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Location: Toronto
I’m 25, 5-foot-7 and weigh 105 pounds. I take care of my body by eating right and exercising regularly. My problem is that I hate the way I look. I am actually repulsed by my body. I take very brief showers and avoid the mirror as much as possible. I’m not a prude. Others being nude is fine with me. But my body image issues are hindering my sexual encounters. I always want to wear a shirt or have the lights off.

My current boyfriend says that if I trust him enough to sleep with him I should trust him enough to let him see me naked. He also has told me that we can’t continue seeing each other if this doesn’t improve. But I let him see every part of my nude body — just not all at once. So he knows I’m not hiding some monstrous deformity or anything. I guess I thought my boyfriend would be more sensitive to my fear and let me stay covered up. Do I owe him nudity?

Hold on there, girlfriend, you think your BF is being insensitive because he wants to enjoy your body in the buff…with the lights on? You think that he’s sticking around just to needle you about your phobia? Honey, get over yourself!

Do you honestly think that your body-positive BF oughta facilitate and participatecrystal_pussy.jpg in your pathology? Yeah, like why don’t we all just sink to the lowest common denominator? And here’s a tip, doll: you do have a monstrous deformity. Perhaps it’s not a physical deformity, but it sure enough is a psychological one.

I concur with your boyfriend; your relationship is on the line here. You need to get a handle on your hang-ups, darlin’, or you can just say good-bye to whatever sex and intimacy you may currently be enjoying.

Listen, I have a thing about sex and intimacy being a gift one gives another. So I ask you, how can you give yourself as a gift to anyone if you are disgusted with the gift you’re giving? And you’ll never convince me that your body issues aren’t seeping into and sabotaging the sex you may be having with your long-suffering BF. I’ll betcha you don’t let him get too close to the body parts you begrudgingly expose to him…when the lights are out.

Joanne, like I suggest above, being repulsed by your own body is a sign of a deep psychological problem. I’d suggest you get to the bottom of this with a sex-positive therapist right away.

When I encounter this sort of thing in my practice, inevitably my client and I discover a past body related trauma to be at root of his or her current disgust. Left untreated, this aversion could easily morph into a desire to do yourself harm. It’s a common enough phenomenon; so don’t let that happen.

And to your closing question about do you “owe” him nudity; what the fuck is that? Is your sexuality and the intimacy you share with your BF something to be bid and bargained for, like beads in a bazaar? Sex and intimacy is either a gift freely given or it’s coerced.

If you’re feeling coerced about being naked with the man who loves you, you’d better set him free and get thee to a nunnery.

NEXT, ANOTHER SEXUAL ENRICHMENT TUTORIAL

Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top

Without further ado, here’s dr dick’s long awaited seminar on being a great ass fuckin’ top. This is a companion piece to an earlier tutorial for you novice bottoms out there — Liberating the BOB Within (That’s Big Old Bottom).

closeup1.jpgThis tutorial is for anyone who is considering being a top in butt fucking sex, regardless of whether the meat injection is 100% prime or a beef substitute — like a strap-on dildo, these words of wisdom are for you.

Some people are not open to experimentation when it comes to their precious asshole. They think it’s gonna be painful, or worse…the mere idea grosses them out. First off, you don’t want to try toppin’ one of these folks. A good top should know it makes no sense at all to try to force, or worse belittle an unwilling bottom to give up his or her rosebud if he/she is not inclined to do so. This is simply a waste of everyone’s time. Because if you do succeed in gettin’ the unwilling bottom to relent and the attempted fuck confirms the bottom’s earlier suspicions that this activity is indeed painful and/or gross; you will have won the skirmish, but you will have lost the war.

Second, before a top commences a fuck of any kind he or she oughta considerfemale_buttfuck.jpg whose pleasure is primary in this particular fuck-fest. There is a big difference between fucking for the top’s pleasure, for the bottom’s pleasure, or for mutual pleasure. If a top is trying to finesse a novice bottom into exploring his/her ass, that top needs to resign him or herself to concentrating on the bottom’s pleasure first and foremost.

Start by getting the bottom comfortable being touched where the sun don’t shine. Lubricate your hand and massage the outside of his or her hole. Make some lazy little circles with your fingers and drive your bottom wild with desire. When her sphincter starts to quiver, as it surely will, slowly penetrate your bottom’s butt with a lubricated finger tip. After a few minutes of just hangin’ out down there with your finger in his poop chute, you can begin to slowly slide your finger in and out. When you’re fingerin’ someone for the first time, be sure to take your time. Allow his or her muscles to adjust to being penetrated. You might want to incorporate a thin vibrating dildo and/or some expert rimming to pave the way for bigger things.

fingering.jpgWhen a top fingers a bottom like this, he or she ought consider the width of his dick or her strap-on while doing so. For example, once your bottom can take two fingers comfortably and three fingers with a minimum of discomfort he or she is ready to take a modest sized cock or dildo inside. If you’re very well endowed or you plan to strap on a dildo that resembles a floor lamp, you’d better adjust this finger formula based on the width of your fingers and your equipment.

A clean asshole is a happy and fuckable asshole. Hygiene is essential for both tops and bottoms. Bottoms need to anally douche beforehand. And tops, once your cock or your strapped on dildo has been inside your bottom’s ass, don’t go puttin’ that thang anywhere else (mouth, pussy, whatever) until you’ve washed it with soap and water. Carelessness in the hygiene department is just inviting a very serious infection.

Tops, be sure to use a good lube and make sure you have your favorite condoms near to hand. Getting your bottom into the right position, one that is comfortable for both of you is paramount. There are way too many positions for me cover here, but when choosing a position, consider —

  • your preference
  • the bottom’s preference
  • your cock and/or dildo size
  • your body type, and the bottom’s body type.

femalebutthole.jpgYou may find that a pillow or two will help support and prop up the bottom in most positions.

Painful fucking is a sign that something is being done incorrectly. It is definitely not a sign from god that ass fucking itself is wrong. In most cases pain is due to a few predictable reasons: the bottom is too tense and is tightening up. The top is being impatient and is pushing too hard. There may not be enough lubricant. Or the cock or strap-on is too big for the bottom’s experience level.

Obviously. both top and bottom should be comfortable and feel at least some pleasure in the fuck. However, it’s perfectly fine, on occasion, to concentrate on one person’s pleasure over the pleasure of the other. Just make sure you both agree on who’s pleasure is gonna be the focus of any given fuck.

Topping is a skill like any other. Practice will improve your technique. And while practicing, invite and then listen to the feedback coming from your bottom.

Ok, let’s review.

  1. Always use a lubricant…and a lot of it. Water-based lubes are latex-compatible and highly recommended.
  2. Stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop. I’m not suggesting that you stop trying altogether; just don’t push yourself onto your bottom when he or she wants you to stop. Find the source of the problem lubrication, position, whatever, resolve the problem, then resume the fuck.
  3. Take it slow. There is no need to rush, especially if you’re experimenting with anal sex for the first time.
  4. A bottom’s desire to be fucked does not insure pleasurable cornhole-ing. It’s nice that he or she might want to surrender his or her ass, but that’s not gonna make it happen on its own.
  5. Always communicate with your bottom. Keep your communication playful and smutty.
  6. Tops, be open about what you want and how it’s feeling. “Oh baby, that’s right you’ve got such a tight hole. You want my big meat in your ass? Yes you do! Open up for daddy…or momma…as the case may be.” Get the picture?

Some experienced bottoms can orgasm with ass fucking alone. Women do so through pelvic muscle contractions, men because of pressure applied to their prostate.

inthehay.jpgOh, and here’s something you need to know. We all have two sphincter muscles. If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your ass and press your fingertip against the side you’ll find them both. There is less than a quarter-inch between them.

The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system, which means you can tense and relax this sphincter at will. The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system making it involuntary. This muscle responds to fear and anxiety. It may cause your bottom’s hole to tense up automatically even if he or she is trying to relax.

Tops, remember the rectum is not straight (no pun intended). After the short anal canal that connects the asshole to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body, sometimes as much as 90 degrees. That’s way some people are anatomically less suited to ass fucking than others.

Finally, the best attribute a top can have is his or her sense of humor about the whole friggin deal. Fucking ain’t as easy as it looks, at least not at first. But perseverance will win the day.

Good luck ya’ll

Been There, Done THAT!

Hey sex fans!

Ya know what? I’ve been writing this sex advice column for pert-near 10 years. That means that I’ve covered a whole lot of ground in that time. I’ve answered a shit-load of questions about lots of sex related things.For your convenience (and to save my fingers from being gnawed down to the bone by this blasted keyboard), I’ve taken the time to categorize all my posting and podcasts, so you can find the information you’re looking for quickly and easily. That’s right, I’ve done most of the work for you. All you have to do is click your mouse on the right spot.

Say you’re curious about a particular topic, or you have a question about a particular issue. Probably I’ve already covered it. I suggest you let your eyes wander on over to the CATEGORIES section just to your right. You’ll find a wealth of information on a big load of common concerns.Say you want some tips on how to give a great blowjob, like Janet below. All you’d need to do is look for “Blow Job” in the category section, click on that and presto! You’ll find just about everything I’ve ever had to say about the topic in both written and podcast form.

Here’s a tip: the little number following the category represents the number of times this topic has come…so to speak.Want to know how come your dick curves, and if the curve will make a difference when it’s time for you to bone a partner, like Slater below? Look for “Cock Shape” in the category section and you’ll find what you are looking for. It simply couldn’t be easier, or more entertaining!

Are you guys gettin the hang of this? I sure hope so. Because there is just so much I can say about some topics. And when I’ve said all I can say, I’ll say no more. Your resourcefulness will also save me the time and effort to direct your attention to the CATEGORIES section when you write, like I do with most of my correspondents today.

Name: Janet
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Location: Reno, Nevada
I’ve never performed oral sex on a man before and now I am with a new man and he sometimes hints that he would like me to go down on him. But I’m scared to do so because I don’t really know what to do or if I’ll be doing it right and I’m scared that he might laugh or something. Can you please give me some advice for a first timer on oral sex??
park-bench-blowjob.jpg

Janet, darlin’, you are totally in luck. Ol’ dr dick has squandered many an hour composing witty postings and charming podcasts on this very topic. Check it out. Look over to your right. See the CATEGORY section? Look for the term “Blow Job” and “Fellatio” in the category section. Got it? GREAT! Click on one or both of those, and you’ll find just about every word I’ve written in the last several years about this scrumptious topic.

Or you can cut to the chase and read my Sexual Enrichment Tutorial: So Ya Wanna Be A World-Class Cocksucker.Either way, you’ll be smokin’ yourself some fine pole, like a real champion, in no time at all.

Name: slater
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: asia
I am a 20-year-old male. Whenever my penis erects it bents towards left. However I don’t feel any pain. I have noticed this only from a year ago. Will this affect my sex life?
carlos.jpg

Slater my friend; if I’ve heard this question once, I’ve heard it a thousand times. Most of us men folks have some kind of curve to our precious banger. And most of the time it’s just a natural variation on the shape of a cock. Rarely does it have any negative impact on our sex life. In fact, some folks really dig a little curve.

However, maybe you want to know more. Well to satisfy your craving for further information, I invite you to look to your right, find the CATEGORY section and look for the term: “Cock Shape.” You’ll notice that I’ve written and spoken about this very concern several times.

Besides cock curvature, you’ll learn about other cock related issues, like hypospadias, auto-fellatio and circumcision, just to name a few. And each of those topics have their own category too. So you can educate yourself in every widening circles. How fun is that?

Name: alan
Gender: Male
Age: 41
Location: Victoria
I find it takes me for ever to jack off even watching videos it can take 40 minutes an when I do shoot it is only a small amount.

You don’t say, Alan! I’ve never heard that question before. No wait, that’s baloney. I’ve river.jpgheard it before and written extensively about this very thing. Look to your right. See the CATEGORY section? EXCELLENT!

Now search for the terms: “Ejaculate” and “Ejaculation Concerns” and “Cum.” Among these categories you will find all the answers you are looking for.

Here’s a tip: you’ll also want to check out what I’ve had to say about “Kegels.” You’re gonna want to know all about these handy-dandy exercises to tone up your PC muscle. Both men and women need to attend to their PC muscle, don’t ‘cha know. Not sure what the fuck I’m talking about. Not to worry. You have some fun reading and listening ahead of you.

Name: kartick
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Location: Bangalore

How frequently a person can masturbate? Can it be daily?

You betcha, Kartick! You can choke the chicken every day if ya want. Hell, some guys17833-a6571719k9wae4_l.JPG do it several times a day. Can ya stand it?

But here’s a tip: if you don’t know the difference between jerkin’ off and full body masturbation, you have some work ahead of you, my friend. Take the time to acquaint yourself with the benefits of each technique.

Has this peaked your interest? I hope so. Check out the CATEGORY section to your right and search for “Masturbation.” You’ll also find some very important information concerning the connection between masturbation and prostate cancer too. There’s a wealth of information just waiting for your eager eyes and ears.

Name: unkutstud
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Location: wa, usa
I have about a one-inch overhang of foreskin when I’m limp. And when I have a boner my foreskin still covers my cock completely. Even when I skin myself back my foreskin slips back over my cock head unless I hold it back. Do women want me to skin myself back or do they want my foreskin covering my cock before I insert my 8 incher into their pussy? I feel self-conscious about skinning myself back and holding my foreskin back

I love your moxy, mister. “…before I insert my 8 incher into their pussy?” Indeed! How you do go on! You make me blush! But I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that you have yet to dip your wick into any fine pussy…I mean besides the imaginary pussy in your head. Am I right? I thought so.p.jpg

Here’s the thing about chicks. They don’t all share the same tastes about everything. I know, who would have guessed?

So when you say things like: “Do women want me to skin myself back or do they want my foreskin covering my cock…” basically you’re tellin’ me you think all these pussy-owin’ creatures are alike. You’re gonna get you in a whole lot of trouble with that kind of unenlightened mindset . Not to mention you’re never gonna get yourself laid that way, pup.

The womens, at least the ones that grove on men, seem to have less of an interest in what your unit looks like, let alone its size; then they do with you knowing how to use the blasted thing to pleasure them. Consider for a moment that a whole lot of women have never seen an uncut willie. Others have never seen the cut variety. If you want to know how your perspective partner wants your throbbing 8-incher, all you have to do is ask, don’t cha know. Probably they’ll even interpret your asking as a gentlemanly gesture. And that, sir, is how you’ll get yourself laid.

Name: tj
Gender: Male
Age: 41
Location: ma
ever since i was a teen i have had the hots for my dad. i would walk into the bathroom on him, or his room to see him naked and to see his dick. i use to love catching him jack off. i loved to see him in his boxers, and would jack off in his boxers. i even would play with him when he was a sleep get him hard and jack myself off. i thought i was over this till he stayed with me over the weekend. he came out of the bathroom in just his boxers. i was only wearing my boxers also. i became hard and excited. the old thought of playing with his cock came back. that night i went into the guest room took out his penis from his boxers and played with it. till it was erect. i then took a pair of his boxers and jacked off in them. i am 41 now should i have out grown this attraction to my dad?? he knows i am gay, we have talked several times about my playing with him but should this attraction continue??
— lost and confused in dads boxers

This is precious, TJ. You’ve been fondlin’ and jerkin’ off you old man for years, albeit9.jpg while he “sleeps.” (Say, he’s one hell of a deep sleeper, huh?) He knows all about you, your attraction to him and your late night play sessions with his cock and underwear. But he still comes for a visit. And predictably, you set upon him again in his sleep. How may more incredible things could you possibly include to a single paragraph?

And all you want to know is, if it is odd that you continue to behave like this with the guy who spawned you, now that you’re 41 years old. Odd? Yeah, I’ll say it’s odd! AMAZINGLY odd!

Where to begin? Oh skip it! If you and your dad (now somewhere in his 60’s, I assume.) are still playing at this little game, it must be pretty harmless by this time.

Your behavior and attraction continue because you feed it, darling. And so does your old man! No big mystery there.

Good luck ya’ll

The Crotch Report

Name: Gillian
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Location: Paris
Hi Dr Dick, My boyfriend and I are having a long distance relationship. When living together, we used to have an intense sex life … so you can imagine how frustrated we feel now … I don’t know when I’m going to visit him and how we’re going to make it without having sex! Could you help us copping with the distance? Are there some techniques, sex toys, etc … we could use ? Of course I have a vibrator but it would be so much better if my boyfriend could participate in a way, and vice versa … I can’t wait to get your advice!! Thanks!

Long-distance romances aren’t fun! Never fall in love with anyone outside your zip code! That’s what I always say. Of course, when it comes to matters of the heart, most good advice goes out the window. Thanks to the marvels of modern technology I may have the solution to your dilemma. Do you guys cam with one another? I hope so. If not the following advice will still be helpful; you’ll just not have the juicy visuals.

c770.jpgYou’ll both need an iPod (or another music player) and you’ll need one of these puppies: OhMiBod iPod Vibrator (C770). You’ll find these right here in My Stockroom.

The OhMiBod iPod Vibrator is an exciting combination of modern musical and sexual technology. In today’s hi-tech, fast paced world it only makes sense to fuse together two of the most popular forms of technological recreation, listening to music on your iPod and masturbating using a high-powered vibrator.

The OhMiBod iPod Vibrator is very easy to use.

  • Simply plug the universal headphone connector into your iPod (or music player)
  • Plug 1 end of the 3-foot cord into the headphone connector, and one end into the jack in the vibrator’s silver end-cap.
  • Turn on your iPod and use the volume control wheel to increase the intensity, rhythm, and vibe function. The vibration level, and the rhythm it moves to, is determined by the volume and style of the music.

The vibrator is 71⁄2 ” long and has a 1″ diameter. The vibe, cord, and connector are all white, and the end-cap is silver. Smashing!

So here’s what you do…and you can take turns doing this too. Find some music that you know for sure will get you off. Share that music with your BF. Have him load it into his iPod. Then set up a cam date. After you exchange pleasantries, you can get down to business. Insert your vibe into your pussy; your BF will insert his vibe into his ass. Go to the play list you put together and simultaneously start the music. Despite the distance between you, you’ll have all the same sensations. Before you know it, you both will be haven’ screamin’ memes. How fun is that?

And when you guys aren’t camming, you’ll find the OhMiBod iPod Vibrator comes with an extra silver end-cap that can be used without the music player. Imagine what a swell holiday gift idea this will be for all you far-flung lovers.

Name: Terre
Gender:
Age: 54
Location: Nashville
What are some of the newer procedures available for peyronies??

For those not in the know, Peyronie’s disease causes a guys dick to bend or curve dramatically when he gets a hardon. A hard, fibrous layer of scar tissue (plaque) develops under the skin on one side of his dick. When he gets hard, the scar tissue pulls the affected area off at an angle, causing the curve or disfigurement. Sometimes things can get so bad that the pain makes fucking practically impossible.

There are several “therapies” out there; none of which is supported by any hard data as to its effectiveness. So caveat emptor, which is Latin for “Let the buyer beware”!

There are both internal and some external therapies. There is a very expensive enzymes therapy that is taken in pill form. Allegedly the enzymes help break up the scar tissue. It’s a very slow process, if it works at all and it requires a prolonged and consistent treatment. Cha ching!

Some doctors will inject drugs, like calcium channel blockers or interferon, directly into the plaque in a guy’s dick. These drugs are said to break down scar tissue deposits and return the tissue-building process to normal. This therapy calls for multiple injections over a period of months. And the success of this treatment varies considerably. Cha ching!

There are Penile Traction Devices too. These create a gentle continuous tension on a guy’s unit. The claim is that the stretching opens up spaces between penile cells, and triggers growth and healing, thus resolving the issue. This is dubious at best.

Here are a couple of resources for you: The Peyronie’s Disease Society and The Peyronie’s Disease Institute.

crw_5276_rj.jpg

Name: a
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Location: ph
if a male was to get a sex change would a vagina be able to be made to make the operation complete, and if so would having a baby be possible

Yep, a post-surgical Male to Female transexual will have had a “functional” vagina fashioned from the cock “she” once had.

Nope, it takes a lot more than a brand spankin’ new whoha to make babies, darlin’. A post-surgical Male to Female transexual may have a pussy, but she doesn’t have a womb…so no babies.

Name: victor
Gender: Male
Age: 39
Location: LA
I don’t like sex as much as i use to been with the same guy for 15 yrs and could do it all the time now only once a week and he has to initiate it but once we are doing it is great. What can i do about it? Thanks victor

You sound like you’re more bored with, than disinterested in, sex. If you were disinterested in sex, you wouldn’t enjoy it when you actually got around to having some.

Sounds like your sex life needs a little sprucin’ up…and who’s doesn’t? I want you to mozie on over to my online sex emporium — My Stockroom — and pick out something really fun and smutty for you and your old man. Don’t let another day go by without at least trying to get back on track!

I have a dazzling array of products that will liven up even the most ho-hum sex life. Not sure what to buy? Not to worry! Take a look at my monthly ever so popular, Sex Toy Awareness feature right here on drdicksexadvice.com. It’s chock-full of swell gift giving ideas.

Name: garciaf54
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Location: texas
Hi im 23 years old and i belive my packege isnt enough for the girl im dating and probably any. My dick is 6 inches nothing more nothing less but is this normal or i need help?

You’re worrying way too much about your package, darlin’. Your 6” is adequate for getting the job done, especially if you know how to use what you have. Women are generally less concerned about the size of the meat as they are about the quality of the motion.

So yeah, you’re normal, but you may also need some help. I’d suggest you check in with your GF and find out how you’re doin’ in the love makin’ department. I’d be willing to guess that she may have a few pointers for you on how better to use what you got. But you’ll have to ask her nicely.

Young pups, like you, rarely know their way around a fine pussy. Hell, most women don’t know their way around their own fine pussy. Young pups, like you, may also be unaware of all the sexual positions that would best utilize a modest johnson. If this sounds like you, I’d say you have some homework to do.

Name: krishna
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Location: india
i love my cousin sister a lot, i am enjoying sex with her, is that wrong?

I actually had to look up “cousin sister” on the internet. While I came up with some conflicting information, one thing seems clear, the term “cousin sister” connotes a close biological tie — a first cousin, perhaps. Is that what you’re talking about?

If so, most cultures, even yours, frown upon incest. There are plenty of good reasons for this; not least of all is a genetic concern (inbreeding). But often the most devastating aspect of incest is the secrecy. No one violates this universal taboo in the open. I’ll bet this is the case with you too, huh? The secrecy and the inevitable shame and guilt can destroy you family dynamic.

I suspect you may already be aware of this. Why else would you be asking me if it was wrong?

Name: brnwiee
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Location: canada
why does my condom always break? am i too big 4 normal condoms? my size is 7.5 inc long n 6.5 inc girth………am i thrusting too hard?/// n is it possible 4a girl too deepthroat it all?

Maybe you need a bigger sized condom, darling. You know there are different sizes, right? Shop online for extra large condoms. Most online retailers will offer a varietybiggunsampler.jpg pack of the big boys. This way you’ll be able to choose the right condom for you without buying a box full of just one kind from the get-go.

Depending on the “girl” I’d say, you betcha deep-throating 7.5 wouldn’t be a problem. However, finding that particular woman might be your biggest challenge. You may have to turn to a “pro” for that kind of service.

Name: ken
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Location: toronto canada
low sperm count is there anyway of building this up ?

Nope! Despite the myriad products online that proclaim they will build up your sperm count; it’s all baloney. Don’t waste your money!

Name: Paul
Gender: Malebj01.jpg
Age: 21
Location: RI
My gf used to give me blowjobs quite a bit but all of a sudden she stopped and kept telling me she can’t stand doing them. She has always said she didn’t like them but that she did them cause I liked them so much. Why the hell would she stop now?

I guess she’s trying to tell you she doesn’t like you as much as she once did.

Here’s a tip: most chicks dole out the hummers as a reward for being the best little boy in the world. If she’s cut you off, so to speak, perhaps you’ve done something to piss her off. I’d look into that, if I were you.

Good luck ya’ll

Come With Me

Name: Julie
Gender: Female
Age: 38
Location: Boston
I went to Vegas with my best friend and she wanted to be laid in the worst way. Our first night in sin city I told her that prostitution is legal here and we “let our fingers do the walkin'”. Soon a gigolo was at the door. He was not six feet with blue eyes as promised, but he was an aspiring chiropractor and seemed like a nice lad so we let him in. The agency had said that they were registered with the State of Nevada and that they need payment upfront including the tip. Being novices to this we ponied up. I left my friend with the guy for her birthday shag and went for a walk around Vegas. I almost called you, Dr. Dick, so excited was I to be sophisticated. I had employed your advice and hired a pro and all! 20 minutes later I was staring at the Lions in the MGM Grand my cell rings. It’s her. The gigolo had a story about not being able to use her condoms due to a latex allergy and that the “other kind” which he had in his pocket must have dropped out in the lobby. This was a total bummer and the gigolo made off with almost $600 bucks! Can you publish “An idiot’s guide to hiring sex work”? We felt like total rubes and were sorely disappointed. The remainder of the celebrations were fantastic. We saw “The Thunder From Downunder” an all-male revue that was just wonderful. We also met many nice tourists and things looked up.

title.jpg

Thanks for the Vegas travelogue. Sorry to hear you got ripped off by the “pro” you tried to hire for a little pleasure. That bums me out. I’m of the mind that freelance providers are generally a better bet than going through a agency. I know it’s too late now, but a consumer should never pay anything in advance. Ya always want to check out the goods first, don’t cha know! And if someone balks at that, you don’t want to do business with that person.

Not to make light of your situation, but I have a friend who was having trouble with his plumbing. No not that kind of plumbing! He tired to fix it himself, but to no avail. He was frustrated as all get-out. Finally I talked him into calling a “pro”. I don’t know where he found the plumber he called, but like you he got ripped off big time! There are dishonest people in every profession.

I applaud your moxie, girl. Don’t let this one bad apple scare you away from trying again another time. I stand by the Rent-A-Boy concept. Keep me posted on your future efforts.

Name: alex smith
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Location: California
I have had this litlle lump in my balls sac since i was a kid it doesnt hurt when i squeeze it and its inside i cant get it off because its attached to theno-freaking-out.jpg skin and im afraid to ask my doctor what do i do?

You’re 22 and you’re afraid to ask your doc about a bump on your nuts? What kind of pussy are you? Come on, grow a pair already, why don’t ‘cha?

This may come as somewhat of a surprise to you, but this is precisely what doctors are for. They look at the things that cause us concern, they tell us what it is, and by doing so, they put our minds to rest. Listen; if you’ve had this bump since you were a kid, the likelihood that it’s anything of consequence is pretty minimal. But go get it checked out so you can stop freakin’ out!

Name: Warwick
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Location: Wyoming
Dear Mr. Dr. Dick, my fiancee was raped by her step brother when she 13. she put up with it and has since repressed it continuing a “normal” relationship with him. how do i deal with this? how can i stand the thought of him or bear seeing him knowing what he has done?

Holy cow! That’s a bummer. But tell me this, if your fiancée repressed this memory (and that’s what repressed means) how did you find out about the incident?

If in fact your fiancée hasn’t repressed the memory, but is trying to get beyond it by not letting it rule her life, then I think you need to do the same. Shit happens! And sometimes the shit is ugly shit, like rape. But if we allow the shit to contaminate our life, crippling our relationships, and us; then the shit wins. Don’t let this happen to you…or your fiancée.

If you guys need help getting past this, seek a sex-positive therapist. A good therapist will not let you sabotage the rest of your life with fear, anger, hatred or revenge.

You can’t do anything about the past, but you do have some control over how you will react in the future. Rise above this! It’s the only way to go, my friend.

Name: Rob
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: New Orleans
doc. im starting to get into stimulating my prostate. i heard it will give you ground breaking orgasms but i just cant seem to do it correctly. could you please give me some tips about this.. cheers

You betcha! I’m a big fan of prostate massage — as a solitary pleasure or as part ofc771-1.jpg partnered sex play. Because it is something every guy can practice and enjoy. I recommend all us men folk be prostate aware. You probably also know I’m a big advocate of frequent prostate self-exams, right? And I figure while you’re down there rootin’ around in your butt hole checkin’ thing out, spend a little more time and give yourself a nice little massage why don’t ‘cha? Fingers work just fine for this, but an insertable vibrator is…well…out of this world. Prostate massage is a wonderful way to expand your self-pleasuring repertoire, especially for all you guys out there who only know how to yank on your dick for joy. Check out: The “Progasm” Prostate Massager in My Stockroom.

And ladies, prostate massage is a great way to please and pleasure your male partners. Perhaps if your let your guy know that a little butt play can be real fun and it ain’t queer, more straight guys would be less ass-phobic. And I can guarantee that the world would be a much better place.

You can feel your prostate gland by inserting a finger a couple of inches or so into your bum. If you are the least bit aroused your prostate will feel like a smooth rounded flat lump about the size of a large almond. Just in back of and up from your prostate is a smaller triangular wedge shaped nodule that is the bottom portion of your somewhat larger seminal vesicles. This, by the way, is where most of your jizz is produced and stored. Underneath the seminal vesicles are the ampullae, which are tiny reservoirs for your sperm that will mix with all the other fluids produced by the vesicles and your prostate when you cum.

male_anatomy.jpg

As you become aroused, ejaculatory fluid and sperm accumulate in these glands backing up behind valves in the ejaculatory ducts. When the fluid pressure reaches a high enough threshold, the valves open and the urethral bulb fills, triggering the muscular contractions of your ejaculation. This empties the glands and you, my friend, have just shot your wad. Naturally, if one abstains from ejaculating for a while and prolongs his arousal stage, say like through edging, more fluids will build up, making for a larger load and a more explosive orgasm.

So with that little anatomy lesson behind us, so to speak, we can get back to prostate massage. Ya don’t need nothin’ fancy, simply insert your well-lubricated middle finger or middle finger and index finger into your butt hole and apply a little pressure. Slowly massage your prostate. Try a nice circular motion. Doesn’t that feel yummy? Some men can cum by prostate massage alone. Hell, you may find that you don’t even need a stiff dick to enjoy an orgasm and/or an ejaculation.

Looking for something more advanced? Male Erotic Massage.

Name: matt
Gender: Male
Age: 37
Location: Seattle
I can’t stop going to massage parlors. I go all the time. HJ only there but lots of touching and kissing. I am married and can’t help the need for the excitement. If my wife found out I think she would divorce me. Is this healthy?

Hand jobs, kissing and touching are all very healthy.

But the guilt and shame aren’t healthy, that’s for sure. If you can’t stop a going to the massage parlors, you’re being obsessive; and that’s not healthy. Living a lie and hiding this from your wife isn’t particularly healthy either.

Name: jon251328494_14815fb5a2.jpg
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Location: ca
hi im 18 and i like to finger my ass and use wieners is that good?

Are these cocktail wieners? Hot dogs? Dinner franks? Polish sausage?

Is it good? Gee, I don’t know. I never stuck any kind of wiener up my poop-chute. Why don’t you tell me?

Oh wait; you want to know if it’s ok for you, or anyone, to do this, right? Yeah, I think it’s ok. Just don’t ever invite me to your place for a weenie roast!
Good luck ya’ll

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