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Heart THROB

Hey Sex Fans,

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, I have the pleasure of introducing ya’ll to some of my more pervy correspondents and their gift giving quandaries. Nowadays, everyone wants to say “I Love You,” but they want to do it with an EDGE. Thanks to the treasure-trove that is My Stockroom, I’m able to bring you yet another installment of my ever so popular — Sex Toy Awareness feature

Name: Monroe
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Location: Michigan
My wife is gonna get a gang bang for Valentine’s Day. Shes like a total sex freak. I want to get something to bump it up. We tried a blindfold in the past, but it kept slipping down or up when things got heavy. I was thinking about a hood but what kind should I get?

Ahhh, sweet love! Nothing says “Be Mine” like an old-fashioned gangbang. I have to congratulate you,j419.jpg Monroe; you win the best non-traditional Valentine’s Day date award for this year. When other couples are basking in the intimacy of their love for one another, you guys will be sharing the wealth. You go, kids.

I feel your pain about the blindfold slippin’ and slidin’ in all that athletic sex. I mean, how’s a chick to concentrate on all that cock when an ill-fitting blindfold distracts her attention. That simply won’t do!

I concur with your estimation of the situation; a hood would be so much better suited to the goings-on you have planned. And you’re right; there are so many styles to choose from. Of course, one would want the thing to be as comfortable as it is durable for those marathon sessions. But I would think it also needs to be easy to clean. You know how careless some of those gangbangers can be with their spooge.

That’s why I’m delighted to turn you on to this stylish little number — The Spandex Hood with Blindfold and Mouth Hole (J419). This lightweight, non-abrasive, smooth black spandex hood is a simple, elegant bondage accessory that comes with a built-in, padded blindfold and reinforced opening for the mouth. This makes it oh so flexible for a range of intimate play.

It’s easy to maintain too. The hood is resistant to body oils, perspiration, jizz and lotions, and can be washed by hand with gentle soap. Bonus points: the spandex will not catch or pull hair coming on or off (for that, you’re on your own).

Name: Janice
Gender: female
Age: 22
Location: Toledo
My girlfriend and I are discovering our kinky side. We’re both very ticklish and we’ve been playing with that pain/pleasure edge in some of our sensory play. We’re looking to move beyond our homemade sex toys (mostly kitchen gadgets and hair brushes). I want to get her something for Valentine’s Day. I can’t go hole hog like I would like, cuz I’m still in college and my budget is real tight. Suggestions?

kl512.jpgI absolutely love it…”Hole hog”! Were you making a pun, or was that the most delicious typo ever? Either way, darlin, I got to tell you; I’m gonna steal this and use it later on.

To your vexing gift giving concern, I think I may have just the thing for you and the GF. For less than the price of a dozen long stem roses (that will only wilt and fade), you could have this handy (no pun intended) device — The KinkLab Vampire Gloves (KL512).

These soft, sexy leather gloves have a fierce side: prickly metal points on the fingertips. They create an intense ticklish sensation. They’re great for sensory play. And if you also employ a blindfold and some sweet, sweet bondage…well you can have yourself a ball.

These gloves are designed to help you realize your own vision of how passionate, creative, and pervy your private erotic life can be.

Name: Jordan
Gender: male
Age: 48
Location: North Dakota
My new lady friend is so sweet. She indulges my nylon stocking fetish. (My ex-wife would have none of it.) Sometimes she will make dinner in nothing more than an apron and my beloved stockings or vacuum the carpet in stockings and high heels and nothing else. It is so hot I get excited just thinking about it. I want to show her my gratitude and get her something nice for VD. I want to get her something sexy to go with her stockings.b483.jpg Unfortunately we’re here in ND and there’s nothing like that around here. Can you help doc?

I’m gonna guess that you mean Valentine’s Day when you write — VD. Otherwise I don’t know what the fuck!

Listen up, you old dog; you have this whole gift-giving thing backwards. You say you want to reward your new lady friend for her forbearance of your stockings kink. That’s mighty generous of you. But then you go on to say that you want to get her something that will only enhance your fetish pleasure. This reminds me of the guy who went out and bought his wife a pair of waders (in his size) to reward her for letting him go fishing all the time. You men are all alike!

Ok, on the off chance that your lady friend actually likes the stockings thing almost as much as you, I have this for you both — A Black Leather Garter Belt (B483).

This garter belt is made from soft, high-quality, black garment leather. The seams at the front and sides will accentuate the lady’s contours, while the soft, adjustable, black elastic at the clasp on the back and at the legs allows for a snug and sexy fit.

It’s also super sexy, and very comfortable to wear.

Name: Ivy
Gender: female
Age: 31
Location: Calgary
I’m super jealous of my best gay pal who has a penis pump. We were smokin some herb the other night and he showed it to me. I thought holy shit why don’t they make something like that for chicks?

And you wonder why they call that stuff DOPE!vag_cyl.jpg

Girl, simmer down there; don’t be gettin your skanties in a twist. Lookie here, it’s a — Vagina Cylinder (C012). The perfect Valentine’s Day gift for yourself.

The Vagina Cylinder is made of industrial grade clear cast acrylic, just like the male counterpart. The airlock release valve at the end of each cylinder will connect directly to the pump. The device is designed to create extra sensitivity in your pussy lips, don’t cha know. The 2″ deep cup is 3″ wide and 4″ long.

The cylinder fits completely over your gash, and when a Brass Hand Pump is attached and used, it creates a vacuum, causing your sweet lips to swell and tingle. See, now you and your gay pal can pump till your hearts are content.

PS: Dr Dick discourages pumping while stoned!

Name: Dmitri
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Location: Miami
I like to fuck mens and women too. I can go for hours and never get tired. But sometimes my legs hurt after. How do I stop this?

j414.jpgYa gotta love an equal-opportunity fucker! And one that can go for hours…why, that’s almost too good to be true. But you’re right, pal, all that muscle strain keeping your partners’ toes pointin’ to Jesus, can really cramp…literally…your style.

But wait, there may be a quick fix. Check out this sweet puppy — The Deluxe Portable Leather Thigh Sling (J414). Now your bottom can do most of the work keepin’ his or her legs out of harms way.

This Premium Leather Sling is perfect for traveling, or for places that cannot handle a full sling or suspension system.

Simply slide the padded neck brace behind your bottom’s neck, and slip his/her thighs through the adjustable padded loops. The sling cradles the neck and keeps his/her legs open wide for lusty accessibility.

Made of heavy duty leather, this sling will hold up to rough play and extended wear. It has two D-rings at the back of the neck brace to attach wrist restraints for more bondage control. The leg straps each have adjustable steel buckles, and the padded neck and thigh braces are made of softer garment leather with a foam core. Fabulous, huh?

Name: Nina
Gender: female
Age: 33
Location: TX
My husband and I were in San Francisco for a professional conference in September. It just so happened that the Folsom Street Fair was happening that same weekend. We walked down to see the sites. We were completely blown away. My husband is very handsome and keeps himself in very good shape. All the gays down here all think he’s hot.
Anyhow, Jim, my husband took a keen interest in all the leather wear. I thought I would surprise him with one of those things that go on the chest. I’m not sure what they’re called.c489.jpg Nor do I know to get the right size. Do you have any useful information?

Yes, my dear, I have plenty of useful information. I’m sure you meant that in a nice way.

So you got an eye-full, at the Folsom Street Fair, huh? I’ll bet! For those in my audience who don’t know what the FSF is, it’s the culmination of San Francisco’s Leather Pride Week. And there ain’t nothin’ like it no place else, don’t cha know.

So before I move on to your query, I have to ask. What does your sizzlin’-hot hubby do down there in the lone star state that he is the object of so much admiration by the gays?

Ok, that leather thing that goes on a dude’s chest? I think you’re referring to a harness. If I’m right, this should do the trick, so to speak — A Studded Full Frontal Harness (C489)

This here is a brand new take on a great fetish classic — the chest harness. It can be combined stylishly with boots, gloves, a mask, or any other fetish fashion. It is also simply striking and sexy on its own. This will surely show off hubby’s attributes at a party, a club or the local PTA meeting. It well also great for a hot and heavy scene with you at the old homestead.

Black leather 11⁄2″ straps, with alternating silver metal studs, will adjust to fit his chest with chrome snaps which connect to two sets of dual chrome O-Rings. A chrome cock ring is also included with this harness. The harness is strong, sturdy, and oh so masculine.

The 11⁄2” genuine black leather torso-cock strap with alternating silver metal studs, matches the harness perfectly, and can fasten to the front O-ring and to the chrome cock ring, or any cock ring he chooses, for an arousing and secure fit.

You will find a key to buying the appropriate size right there in My Stockroom.

Good luck ya’ll

Loose Change

Name: Tia
Gender: Female
Age: 19
I have a problem. I’m still a virgin, but my bf thinks I’m not. It’s really my fault he thinks this, cuz I told him I was all experienced and everything. We’ve been going together for about 8 months already and I really want my first time to be with him, but how am I going to act all experienced when I don’t know what I’m doing.
HELP ME PLEASE!!!

That sure enough is a pickle you got yourself into darlin’. You’ve got some ‘splanin’ to do Lucy!

Funny, because I’m more likely to hear from young women who are not virgins, but who want to know how they can fool a new partner into thinking they are. I guess we can chalk up all this deception and confusion to the powerful associations every culture imposes on virginity…female virginity, that is.

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Like most things sexual there is a huge double standard between the cultural and individual importance of virginity for women as opposed to men. Cultural expectations about virginity are also tied to age as well as gender. For example, our society expects its 16-year-old girls to be virgins. To be otherwise, at that tender age, would be a scandal in most communities. (Jamie Lynn Spears comes immediately to mind.) But a 35 year old woman who is still a virgin is considered an old maid — or worse, a dyke.

Of course, things are more fluid when it comes to boys and men. On the one hand, a 16year old boy who is not a virgin may raise some eyebrows in some communities. But many others in those same communities would praise him for being a stud. On the other hand, a 35 year old man who is still a virgin is the butt of jokes — or worse, a queer. In fact, he’s also more of a disgrace to his gender than an old maid is to hers. Funny how that works, huh?

I hasten to add that there is a lot to argue with in terms of these arbitrary cultural norms, and I encourage ya’ll to argue away. God knows I do! And you don’t have to buy into them either. God knows I don’t! But till things change, these norms are the norms, like it or lump it.

I’d love to know why you felt the need to deceive your BF in the first place? Do the people you hang with, prize sexual experience over sexual innocence for a young woman of 19? And what are the expectations of your group regarding a 19 year old guy? I’ll bet the expectation is that he not be a virgin. Right?

Well you can see why a lot of people, not just you Tia, find this whole thing just too damned complicated. And rather than add to the confusion or the deception, I encourage you to come clean with the BF about your cherry.

Here’s why I think this is the best policy. First, if the BF is sexually experienced, it will be very difficult for you to hide the fact that you’re not. Besides, like you said in your message to me. “I really want my first time to be with him.” Why not just come out and tell him that, sweetheart? No man is gonna turn that down…ever. Simply put, that is the most sexually charged and treasured sentence in any language.

Begin the big talk with your man like this. “Baby, I got something real special to tell you. You know how I’ve been sayin that I’ve been with other guys and everything? Well that was just my way of keeping all the other guys from pestering me for my junk. Baby, the truth is that I haven’t had sex before now. And the best part of this is I’ve decided that I really want my first time to be with you. My cherry belongs to you, baby”

Like I said, Tia, no man is gonna turn that down. The BF will be so flattered you won’t have to pretend to be something you’re not. Clearing the air like this will also allow you to relax when the magic moment finally happens. And relaxation is the key to enjoying yourself. And you should enjoy yourself.

Name: Mikel
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Location: Seattle
My problem is: I have a fixation on cut dicks, so when I’m having sex with uncut people, I can’t enjoy it. I feel it’s dirty!!! Should I ask my partners their “shape” before having sex? Wouldn’t I sound like a whore?

What a curious concern you have. I mean, not the cut/uncut thing…that I understand. Lots of people have a preference for either natural or snipped meat, so I’m cool with that. Sometimes the preference is even culturally induced. Ok, fine! I also know that some guys prefer what they don’t have. Lots of clipped men like uncut cock, and lots of natural men prefer their partners to be cut. Some people make a big to-do about foreskin, as you suggest, because they think it’s unsightly and/or unclean. Personally, I think that’s complete baloney, but hey, to each his own. Right?

cock-buffet.jpgI also know that most people who have a strong cut/uncut preference want to know in advance if their perspective partner’s dick is to their liking. And obviously, the only way to find that out is to ask outright. Ok, so far so good.

What I don’t understand about your question is that you think it might be whorish to be up-front and ask a guy about the condition of his trouser snake. Like, WHY? Either you don’t understand the meaning of the word “whore,” or you’re too self-conscious about taking responsibility for your personal tastes in tonsil ticklers . Either way it makes no sense.

Think about it this way, say you don’t ask and you discover, to your great dismay, that the guy you’re about to bone has some fine lace curtains. And you get all turned off and this screws up the screwing. You feel bad, he feels bad, and you look like a jerk. Wouldn’t it have been better to save yourself and your unlucky partner the embarrassment of shutting down a fuck by taking responsibility for your predilection before cloths come flying off? Heck, I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer to be thought of as a whore than a complete asshole.

Dr Dick has a hard and fast rule when it comes to sex. If you can’t bring yourself to ask for what you want, then you deserve what you get.

Name: William
Gender:
Age: 30
Location: UK
Hi There
I am new to this scene, and I have very little experience in anal sex and I am seeking your help and advice. I am a top but I have a problem keeping my dick hard or staying hard during anal sex. I find it harder to fuck an ass compared to fucking a pussy. Here is the problem: Once I get my dick hard, put on a condom and start fucking, my dick sometimes goes soft on me. Is that normal? How can I keep my dick hard long enough in the ass to enjoy the fuck? Sometimes even when my dick is hard, I find it hard to penetrate an ass. I use lube, so what am I doing wrong? People in gay porn can fuck and fuck like there is no tomorrow. I want to enjoy anal sex too!! Any advice? Please let me know if there is anything I can do to improve in this area?

Boy, you’re in luck, William! Last week I published my long-awaited: Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top. Check it out! It’ll answer a lot of the questions you have about butt fucking.

But before you take off to read that, I’d like to address one of the specific issues you raise, about keeping your dick hard while fucking. You are right to point out that fucking an ass (male or female) is different from fucking a pussy. But regardless of what hole you’re invading, a nice hard stiffy issex_toys_dj212901.jpg essential.

Do you know what a cockring is, William? If not, I suggest you acquaint yourself with these amazing low-tech wonders. Here’s what you should do. Turn your attention to the Eden Fantasys banner at the top of this page. Click through that link and go to the Sex Toys for Men section. Look for Erection Help there you will see the link to cockrings. Prepare yourself to be sorely amazed at the variety and functionality of these little devils.

Cock rings can create larger and firmer erections. Since blood flow enters your dick through arteries deep inside your dick, and leaves it through the veins nearer the surface of your schlong; wearing a cock ring can help to sex_toys_gef90178bs.jpgkeep more blood inside your dick shaft. And as all you rocket scientists know, blood flow is what causes erections in the first place. Also some men claim that wearing a cock ring intensifies their orgasm.

I recommend the flexible and/or adjustable cockrings. These are generally made of stretchable rubber or leather. For the more daring there are the metal variety. These may look pretty, but they can be a bitch to put on and to take off. Here’s how ya put a rigid one on.

  1. Pull your ball sack through the ring first.
  2. Follow this by popping each of your balls through the ring one at a time.
  3. Now bend your cock down and pull it through the ring.

As you can see, putting one of these little buggers on before you have a raging hardon is gonna be easier. To take the cock ring off, simply reverse these steps, pushing your flaccid cock back through the ring first, followed by each of your balls and finally your ball sack.

It’s absolutely essential that you not wear an inflexible (metal) ring for longer than a couple hours. Make sure you don’t buy one that is too small either. If your dick is turning an angry red or worse, purple, or it is cold to the touch, you’re in trouble. Take that ring off immediately. If you don’t you will risk serious injury to your precious johnson.

Remember people, play smart with all your toys!

NEXT, ANOTHER SEXUAL ENRICHMENT TUTORIAL

Beginning Sex Play — Tips and Techniques

The most frequent questions I get are from your average dick and jane, (or dick and dick, or jane and jane) who want to spice up their sex life. Inevitably they describe the kind of sex they’re currently having. And almost universally the description makes this grown man cry. Jeez, the boredom. How do they stand it? It’s a wonder any of them are having any sex at all.

What is it with the humdrum, run of the mill, we’ve always done it that way mentality? Are ya’ll afraid that if you add a little something new to your sex chore. from time to time, that the sky will fall? Holy cow!

Today’s tutorial is another attempt to motivate you to get off your butts and make something interesting happen in the sex department. We’ll begin with what was once called foreplay.

First off, I hate the word “foreplay” because it suggests that all these really great sex activities are only a lead up to a single — “more important” activity — fucking. It also implies that ya’ll can dispense with the one in order to hurry up and get to the other. And that, my friends, is always a huge mistake.

do-not-disturb.jpgFrom now on I want us to banish “foreplay” from our vocabulary. Instead let’s start using “Beginning Sex Play”. It says it all. It says it’s at the beginning, but there’s no suggestion that anything in particular must follow.

I’m of the mind that we’d all be better served if we thought of sex play as a continuum of pleasure and pleasuring — with a beginning, middle and an end. If you ask me, our sex play ought mirror our sexual response cycles — arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. That way we’re less likely to overburden one particular activity at the expense of all the others. Get it? Got it? Good!

Experienced sex fans agree; the best sexual encounters include an extended period of sensual play at the beginning of most sex play. This brings increased pleasure to both partners, and will make whatever else that might follow more satisfying. Just remember, beginning sex play can be a meal in itself.

Beginning sex play brings spice to the encounter because it gets our motors started. Even all yousex_toys_rd9613.jpg major sex athletes out there who are perpetually primed for sex will benefit from some hearty beginning sex play. It will help cool your jets and make the encounter last longer than a firecracker. And I know that you know what I mean!

In our hectic rush around world, beginning sex play is particularly important. It helps us transition from the daily cares and woes to the realm of sensual pleasures. The workaholics among us need more time to become fully aroused. Their minds are still filled with the junk of the day, and not yet ready to give or receive pleasure. And pleasuring and being pleasured takes a big attitude shift from that of the rest of the day. In fact, if you’re gonna approach sex and pleasuring with the same mindset you have on the job or with the kids, give it up now and be done with it. You’ll only walk away from the encounter disappointed.

sex_toys_ki0001.jpgBeginning sex play primes us for maximum pleasure. Men will have the time we need to come to full erection and women will have the time they need to properly lubricate. By the way, this is called the arousal stage in our sexual response cycle. But you probably know that already, right?

When we stop thinking of beginning sex play as “foreplay” we realize there is no such thing as spending too much time giving and getting pleasure. If beginning sex play evolves into full-on fucking — SWELL. Both partners will be fully aroused and fucking will flow naturally and effortlessly from the pleasure enjoyed at the beginning of sex play.

Beginning sex play can include everything from chocolate and whipped cream to whips and chains. But let’s not get too far ahead of our selves. Let’s start at the beginning of beginning sex play. Most people miss out on the pleasure of undressing with and for their partners. Stripping out of, or being helped out of our daily wear and into something sexysex_toys_ks0092.jpg or nothing at all can be very arousing. It’s also a visual signal that we’re shifting out of our work-a-day world and entering the realm of sensuality. Stripping is an art form, ya know. We could all learn a lesson or two from the folks who do this for a living, but more about this in a later tutorial.

Creating the right sex environment is important too. Make sure the room is warm. Proper lighting and music will surely add to the mood. Scents are also important. More and more people are incorporating erotica into their sex play — reading a sexy story together or enjoying some hot porn will make the encounter memorable.

Most women complain that their partners don’t kiss long enough and rush the kissing to get at their pussy. Guys, what the fuck? You want pussy? Use your mouth to maximum advantage kiss and nibble all over everything. Literally devour your partner with your mouth. Believe me, if you do this right, by the time you get to her pussy she’s gonna want sex_toys_055337396x.jpgto give it up big time.

Beginning sex play is the perfect time for setting the mood for all that might follow. It’s a time for sharing fantasies, role-playing, dirty talk or some full body massage. Always have some nice lotion available then use your hands, forearms, feet and elbows to knead your partner’s muscles and naughty bits.

Certain areas on the body are more hot-wired than others. It’s your job to find each and every one your partner has. As you massage vary your strokes and touch to stimulate your partner. Roll your fingertips across his or her nipples and behind his or her ears as you kiss him and tease her with your tongue.

If you’re doin things right, your partner will be moaning with pleasure. If she or he starts getting impatient it’s time to bring out the restraints. There’s nothing like some hot erotic bondage to punctuate your beginning sex play.

While your darling is subdued and possibly blindfolded, crank things up a notch. Add differentsex_toys_ss34047.jpg
sensations and stimuli, a warm chocolate sauce followed by ice cream. A fur mitt followed by a Loofah. Introduce some sex toys — a vibrator, tit clamps, or an anal stimulator.

Don’t forget to check in with your partner from time to time. Ask for some feedback and direction. Do you like this? Or do you like this better? Never presume to know what your partner likes simply because he or she liked it before, this is a recipe for boredom and the dreaded bed death. If words fail you, SHOW your partner what you want. Then encourage your partner to do the same to you.

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Beginning sex play is not about pressing the right buttons in the right order. It is about understanding what makes your partner tick and supplying and applying those things to their greatest sensual advantage. There are many ways to give your partner extreme pleasure, and it all begins in your brain. Beginning sex play is as much of an art form as it is a necessity.

Finally, the basic premise behind all of this is that a great lover is one that gives pleasure because it is its own reward, not a means to getting something else.

Good luck ya’ll

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Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered!

Name: Jean
Gender: female
Age: 36
Location: New Haven, CT
I’ve been with the same man for 14 years. We both decided to become Christians about a year ago. Now he’s not interested in sharing the same bed and not interested in having sex with me. It tried to overlook this hoping it was some kind of phase, but it goes on and on and he still doesn’t want sex. He’s the only man that could ever satisfy me sexually. I dated a few guys, four to be exact, before we met. I still love this guy but he won’t acknowledge my feelings. I feel like I’m losing everything, my best friend, my partner, my lover …and my sanity. I’m happy we’re still together, but I’m frustrated to the point of exhaustion without my sex life. Any ideas what I could do to turn this around?

What an unhappy tale of woe you have you have to tell, Jean. The Christian conversion thing didn’t quite work out like ya thought, huh? Well maybe it has less to do with Christianity per se, and more to do with the Joe you converted with.

I’ve heard similar complaints from other people whose partners have unilaterally decided to make a radical life-change for themselves. Often these new zealots fail to appreciate how their life altering decisions impact on the wellbeing of their mate. And because they are so damn single-minded about their new passion — as every zealot is, there is rarely any talking to them.

Two former clients come to mind. First, there was George, a gay man in a 10-year relationship with this other really sweet guy, Robert. Eight years into the relationship Robert had a heart attack. Despite a full recovery and living a much healthier lifestyle after the hear attack, Robert got it in his head that if he were to have sex again, it would kill him. There was no reasoning with him. No sex ever again, period. This otherwise blessed relationship ended painfully. Pity that!

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Another client, Melissa, discovered long-distance running two years into her marriage to Allen. She became like a woman possessed. Running consumed her. Her career, her friends and family, her social life all suffered. But no one took the brunt of her newfound craze more than her husband. At first sex was out of the question because there was no time. Then all that body-punishing running radically changed her metabolism. She even stopped menstruating. Her libido virtually expired. Even the imminent demise of her relationship didn’t alter her running routine. So basically old Melissa just ran away from her marriage. Simple as all that!

In your case, Jean, your partner appears to have bought into the some of the worst sex-negative messages of Christianity. I suspect that there’s no turning this around and, unless you wish to continue to sacrifice your sexuality on this unworthy altar, I’d suggest you make peace with the fact that life will never return to how it once was.And what’s all this about he being the only man who could satisfy you? You’ve had only 4 other partners, for christ sake! And most, if not all, were crummy lovers. Am I right? You’re not the kind of gal that quits shopping for shoes after trying on only 5 pair, are you?There is a whole world of men out there that would be happily give you what you aren’t getting at home and some of them may even be good lovers. If no accommodation can be made with your husband about fulfilling your needs, than I suggest you beat a hasty exit.The longer you stay in this unhealthy environment the greater the chance will be that you will become more and more embittered. God gave us the gift of sexuality for a purpose. It was meant to give us pleasure and enhance life. Your sexuality is in danger of becoming just the opposite of what nature intended. Do yourself a favor and choose life and happiness. You’ll be glad you did…so will God.

Name: Pete
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Location: Ohio
dr dick: I am gay and i have no idea how to break it to my family. and they say all the time when they see a gay guy look at that fag glad he’s not my kid. i would disown him. just wondering if u could help me.

Ain’t it a bitch being surrounded by a bunch of yahoos! Coming out is rarely easy, but doing so to ignorant, fearful, bigoted people is the worst.

Pete, you should know that all bigotry is deeply rooted in the bigot’s own fear about him or herself. It stands to reason, all irrational fears and hatred, like homophobia, are more indicative of the troubled psychological make-up of the one with the prejudice, rather than the people he or she abhors.

Often people will use religion to back up their prejudice. It’s particularly galling when non-religious people do this. But it’s safe to say that authentically religious people don’t need to persecute or ostracize those who do not believe as they do. Any more than authentically heterosexual people need to persecute or ostracize people of other sexual persuasions. Let that be the standard by which you judge the worth of any message coming from a religious dogmatist or a moralizing heterosexual.9e.jpg

Before you start in on the self-disclosure thing with your family, Pete, I suggest you first try to clear a path for that discussion. Begin by challenging those around you who shame or denigrate those who are different. Ask them why they make such ridiculously uninformed and hurtful statements. Ask them if degrading other people makes them feel superior. And if it does, what does that say about their inadequacies. You could suggest that their intolerance of gay and lesbian people proves they have some hidden, unresolved sexual issues that they need to address. I mean — “me thinks you doth protest too much” — and all that, right?

If your family environment doesn’t improve with that tactic, you may find that, at least in the short run, discretion is the better part of valor. Sometimes coming out to one’s family is best done only after you’ve come out to friends and co-workers. This strategy will provide you a bank of support that you can fall back on if the family disclosure things turn out badly.

My counsel to those just starting the coming out process is to reserve the good news about you and your sexuality for the audience best situated for receiving it. Celebrate your queerness with open-minded people first. Nowadays there’s much more acceptance of alternative lifestyles in the popular culture then ever before. Particularly younger people seem to have more tolerance for diversity. But however you choose to handle this difficult but important developmental task, don’t sink to the lowest common denominator. Don’t cave into the bigotry that surrounds you. Don’t let it intimidate you into a life of shame, repression or self-loathing. Live authentically. Pete, and live proud! Because when you do, you are a shining example of a happy, healthy, integrated and well-adjusted human being.

Finally, just remember you are not alone. Sex positive and gay positive organizations abound. If you need help with any of your coming out, if you’re feeling isolated and alone — turn to one of them. They are there to help. And there are even support organizations for your family members too. Turn them on to: PFLAG (parents and friends of gays and lesbians).

Name: Bob
Gender: Male
Age: 54
Location: Laguna Beach
As an older man, I’ve started having performance problems. Unfortunately there’s no decrease in my libido. I think some of my problem is psychological. I’m also HIV+. And I find myself worrying about transmission even with condoms. But some of the problem is physical. I do wear a cock ring and that helps I guess. Is there anything else I can do to increase my performance to match my libido?

Your concern is a familiar one, Bob. Men regularly present this problem in my private practice and I also have a personal familiarity with the issue in my own life.

Diminished performance, at least in terms of a perpetually stiff dick, is a natural occurrence as we age. There was a time when I thought this was a major problem. I don’t think like that now. These days I’m helping my older clients (and myself) appreciate the full range of sensuality that is the unique purview of us more seasoned lovers. I’ve always felt that as gay men we are too genitally focused, especially when it comes at the expense of all the other pleasure zones our bodies have been gifted with.p.jpg

The rushed, hormonally driven sex of my youth has matured into a slower, more relaxed and sensual sexuality that I am thoroughly enjoying. This has been one of the very best gifts of the aging process. It’s even having an effect on my younger partners and they are appreciative.So I no longer equate performance with a stiff dick. For those times when I absolutely need a rock-hard hardon a cock ring does just fine. I’m aware that I may need more time to achieve this kind of erection, but I’m not just twiddling my thumbs while I’m waiting, if ya know what I mean. I am no longer frustrated by this natural phenomenon, because I no longer have unrealistic expectations.

I realize that many men are experimenting with an erection-enhancing medication such as Viagra, but I suggest that this be reserved for those who are truly experiencing erection dysfunction.

I’m also concerned with the alarming rise of younger men, men in their 20’s and 30’s who are using Viagra or another similar drugs recreationally. This is very troubling. If your young body is having difficulty producing an erection, then you need medical attention ASAP, or maybe you just need some sleep. However, if you’re abusing Viagra just so you can have an erection that lasts for hours that’s a real bad idea for several reasons. Not least of which is your body will habituate itself to that stuff and you will find that, in time, you won’t be able to get it up at all without ever increasing doses of Viagra.

This is gonna fuck up your cardiovascular system big time. In fact, you may very well be inducing the very sexual dysfunction the drug is supposed to help. Consider the person who overuses eye drops or lip balm or any number of otherwise innocuous health and beauty products. Their body will stop making the natural substances that these over the counter products are intended to assist. It’s counterproductive and it’s ill advised. If this is a problem with relatively harmless over the counter products, you know you are playing with fire when you’re abusing powerful prescription meds.

Whoops, sorry Bob, I went off topic there for a minute. It’s just that every opportunity I get to put out a message that will dissuade someone from hurting himself or herself, I just launch into it.So back to you. It is clear from what you tell me, your performance problems do, as you suggest, also have a psychological component to them. You have a fear that, despite being responsible in your sex play and even though you play safe, you could accidentally pass on HIV.

It’s true; one’s brain can indeed override almost every function of our body. For example, we draw each and every breath we take without even thinking about it. However, if a situation dictates our brain can and does override that essential pulmonary function and we can hold our breath. The same is true with our sexual response cycle. Sometimes we can become sexually aroused without really thinking about it. However, if for one reason or another our brain assisted by our conscience interferers with or even shuts down the sexual arousal, then that’s pretty much all she wrote.

Your scruples about the possibility that you could accidentally pass along HIV are interfering with your sexual response cycle. No cockring or an erection-enhancing medication is going to change that darlin’!In other words, the problem is not in your cock, the problem is in your head. This is something you’re gonna have to wrestle with and finally resolve. This tension between your head and your dick is actually a good thing. Your body is providing you an opportunity to align your moral values with your sexual performance. How will this resolve itself? I couldn’t say. But I know for sure resolution is possible.

I do suggest, however, that you not try to do this in a vacuum. Reach out to a HIV support group or a sex-positive therapist for the help you need in making peace between your head and your cock.

Good luck, ya’ll

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TOOLS OF THE TRADE

Once again, I have the pleasure of introducing all you perverts and wannabes to some very interesting playthings. Thanks to my inquisitive correspondents and Dr Dick’s Stockroom I’m able to bring you another installment of my ever so popular, Sex Toy Awareness feature.

Name: Amy
Gender: female
Age: 20
Location: Ohio
My boy friend and I are getting bored and want to try toys. I have a vibrator but c030.jpgI want him to get off too. What toys would you recommend for both of us to get off at the same time?

I have just the thing for you and the BF, darling! In fact, if you don’t wind up getting two of these, you kids will be fightin’ over who will get to use it first, that’s for damn sure. I’m getting so much great feedback on this little number, I may have to get one my ownself, don’t cha know. Let me introduce you kids to The Cone (C030)

The Cone is an exciting innovative new vibrating sex toy. It’s constructed of a pastel pink, super soft plastic with a powerful 3 Volt, 3000 rpm gold brush motor. There are 16 different settings, which vary the vibration speed and frequency. The Cone looks like a gently modified version of an infamous medieval torture device known as a “Judas Cradle”, but you won’t find anything excruciating about this cute sex toy.

This vibrating sex toy that stimulates the pussy and/or the butt hole, can be used on the clit or balls. It can be used alone or with a partner. The Cone may be used with any lubricant, and cleans easily with gentle wiping.

Good luck

Name: shayne
Gender:
Age: 44
Location: indiana
Okay this might sound silly but i want to buy a tear drop cock ring, but have no idea how to even measure to get the right size any help would be wonderful.

c937.jpgIt’s important to get an accurate measurement of your equipment before you buy an inflexible cock ring. If you get one that’s too small and it won’t fit, one that’s too big, it will fall off. Measuring is simple. Take a string and slip it behind yours balls and tug it up around the top of your cock (where it meets your body). Mark the string on both sides where it comes together at a snugness that is comfortable for you.

This measurement will give you your circumference. Now take your circumference measurement and divide by pi (3.14.) This measurement will give you your diameter or ring size. I recommended you do this a few times to assure you get a proper measurement.

A properly fitting cock ring should be loose enough to get on and off, with a fair amount of ease, but be tight enough to restrict blood flow once the blood starts pumping into your pecker.

Good luck

Name: Jimmy
Gender: male
Age: 32
Location: Little Rock
I’m really getting into my nipples lately. I have a snake bite kit that I’ve been using to lengthen my nips. Any other gadgets of this sort that you can recommend?

c656.jpgYou betcha! Jimmy! Meet your new best friends, The Tit Tuggers (C656) These babies consist of a pair of erotic nickel plated breast and nipple torture devices specially designed to pinch and pull the tits. The Tit Tuggers are pleasurably painful and playful, and even though they pinch hard they feel good.

The Tit Tuggers work by first clamping the clothes-pin style pincher to the nipple. The clamper is fastened to a stem and together they measure a total length of 61⁄4”. The stem is threaded.

The curved metal arch of the Tit Tugger has an opening in the center for the stem to fit through and a wing nut on the outside hold it in place. The stem can be pulled through and tightened to pull the nipple out up to a total of 11⁄2”. Yowsa!

The Tit Tuggers are sold in pairs.

Name: Cassie & Matt
Gender:
Age: 39, 44
Location: Albuquerque
A couple in our swinger group turned us on to electrical play. We couldn’t get enough. We’re hooked. We want to experiment on our own, but we’re not sure where to begin. Thoughts?c063.jpg

Alrighty then, ya’ll oughta start with a basic PES Powerbox (C063).

This power source unit is designed to activate various Erotic Electro Stimulation devices, which then deliver the energy through conductive electrodes touching the skin.

Erotic Electro Stimulation interacts directly with nerve endings instead of the limited surface stimulation of mechanical vibrators. After reaching the desired power level, the frequency and pulse rates can be adjusted to attain the preferred stimulation.

c190.jpgElectro Stimulation devices merge with electrical body impulses to nerve endings; triggering arousal in excess of the normal orgasmic response. This intensification is an effect mechanical vibrators can’t match.

The PES Power Box can be used with up to four single or two double PES electrodes. Push-button switches allow for the momentary pause of any device, while LEDs visually show the frequency of the pulses. Adjustments are controlled through the use of two POWER knobs, a PULSE knob, and two FREQUENCY knobs, one on the face of the box and a fine adjustment on the side. c092.jpg

Remember, this is just the main unit. You’ll also need to stock up on all your favorite attachments, like the PES-Vaginal Shield (C190) and PES Prostate Stimulator Electrode (C092).

Good luck

Name: Jeremy Taylor
Gender: male
Age: 19
Location: Bangor Maine
I have a problem with my penis size. I don’t think it’s long enough to give a woman pleasure. You keep saying there’s no help for us little guys. What are we supposed to do?

a989.jpgYou may have misunderstood my previous advice about cock enhancement devices, creams, pills and patches. That shit don’t work. But that’s not to say that you can’t augment what you have down there with a little creativity and the help of the Cyberskin Penis Extension (A989). Take a look at this, pup.

The new Cyberskin line of products represents a significant advance in dildos and cock extensions that feel like the real thing. The rubber on the surface of this extension feels hauntingly like human skin. But the inside part of the (11⁄2″ or 3″) extension is much firmer. It is soft and supple on the surface, but hard and rigid inside, ya know like a real cock!

Visually, the shape, texture, and coloration of this extension are designed to create a realistic effect as well. And it looks realistic… and feels more realistic.

There’s a trick to putting this extension on: You roll up the sleeve until it’s all the way up around the (11⁄2″ or 3″) extension. Then place it against the head of your hard dick, roll down the sleeve snugly around your cock, sealing your johnson inside the sleeve. A partial seal will form, helping the extension stay on during fucking.

Wearing this extension will add to both the length and thickness of the dong. It will of course reduce the sensation in your dick during fucking, but that’s not always a bad thing, especially for guys with a real short fuse. Besides, a lot of guys like the feeling of having their cock sealed inside the sleeve.

Good luck

ATTENTION SHOPPERS!

So many people are writing in for information about sex toys — What are they? Where can I get ‘em? How do I work one of these? Can you suggest a good one? Do these things really work? — that I’ve decided to inaugurate a new feature here on Dr Dick Sex Advice SEX TOY AWARENESS. Just like another popular feature — The Sexual Enhancement Tutorials — the STA will be chock-full of swell information while being downright entertaining.

Here’s what I’m gonna do. Thanks to Dr Dick’s Stockroom I have the wherewithal to SHOW & TELL you everything you need to know to make an intelligent decision about buying a quality sex toy. And you can shop at Dr Dick’s Stockroom with confidence. We carry the best quality and widest variety of sex toys for adventurous men and women. The service is prompt, convenient and responsive. We never share information about our customers with anyone, and all orders are shipped in discrete packaging. What more could one ask?

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So, sex fans, I hope you will find my SEX TOY AWARENESS postings helpful (and entertaining) and that you will enjoy shopping at my store.

Name: Tadd
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Location: Arizona
In one of your podcasts you told some guy about a strap on kit he could buy for his GF. Could you repeat that? I’ve been trying to find one.

I think you are referring to my 04/09/07 podcast. I responded to Karol from Poland inquiry about a strap-on kit. I said: “As to your question about a strap-on and what a guy should know about buying one for his female partner. That’s another really goodb664.jpg question. I suspect the overriding concern for the amateur butt pirate is to get his gal a comfortable harness that can accommodate a couple different sized dildos. May I turn you attention to the Dr dick’s Stockroom banner on the left hand side of www.drdicksexadvice.com. Click through there and search for the Bend Over Beginner Harness Kit (B664). The good people at JT’s have painstakingly put together everything you need for your first pegging!”

  • Is there someone in your life who is curious about strapping it on, but doesn’t know quite where to begin? Well, we have the perfect starter kit! Everything a beginning sensuous player would need to strap it on is included in this package (except their favorite water-soluble lubricant – sold separately).
  • This strap-on harness is low-riding with a fuzzy, deep purple velvet front and highly adjustable nylon straps. The kit has 2 color coordinated, shimmery purple dildos. These hypoallergenic silicone dildos are shaped and sized appropriately for those just beginning anal play adventures. The smaller is approximately 4″ long and 3⁄4″ wide, while the larger one is 5″ long and 11⁄4″ wide.
  • A powerful variable-speed mini-vibe sits in a secret pocket behind the dildo to give the wearer an extra jolt of fun. The straps are adjustable, fitting up to 50″ hips. The 11⁄2″ O-ring can be exchanged for play with other sized dildos (sold separately). Washable, smart, and sexy. Bottom line – this is one hot strap-on package!

Good luck

Name: Jordan
Age: 19
Location: Michigan
What is a cockring and how does it work?

Holy cow, Jordan, where to begin. Every man should know about cockrings. Cockrings, in one form or another, have been around for as long as there have been cocks…and that’s a pretty long time, don’t ‘cha know! They are low-tech, but extremely effective means of getting it up and keeping it hard.

Cock rings can create larger, harder erections. Since blood flow enters your dick through arteries deep inside your dick, and leaves it through the veins on the outside of your tool, wearing a cock ring can help to keep more blood inside your dick shaft. And as all you rocket scientists know blood is what causes erections in the first place. Some men claim that wearing a cock ring intensifies their orgasm.

I recommend the flexible and/or adjustable cockrings. These are generally made of

b642.jpg

stretchable rubber or leather. Let’s take a look as some now. First, the Neoprene Cock Ring (B642).

  • This light yet durable cock ring is made of neoprene – an oil-resistant substitute for natural rubber. Neoprene displays outstanding physical toughness and resistance to damage caused by flexing and twisting. It is an extremely versatile synthetic rubber with 70 years of proven performance in a broad industry spectrum.

Next, we have these festive little numbers, Gummy Cock Rings (B170)

b170.jpg

  • Fruity-colored cockrings with multiple soft knobs. When unstretched, it fits snugly around a pinky finger. When stretched, it can expand to a surprising diameter. Once removed, the ring will slowly contract to its original size. One size fits all.

For the more butch among us we have this handsome devil — Leather Cock Ring w/ Pyramid Studs (A413)

a413.jpg

  • This ring comes with pyramid-stud hardware for that extra-macho look. It measures 9/16″ and sports three snaps to adjust the size for a snug fit.

For the more daring there are the metal variety. They may look pretty, but they’re a bitch to put on and to take off. Here’s how ya do it.

1. Pull your ball sack through the ring first.
2. Follow this by popping each of your balls through the ring one at a time.
3. Now bend your cock down and pull it through the ring.

Let’s take a look at some of these. First, the standard Aluminum Cock Ring (A888)a888.jpg

  • This style of Cock Ring is a significant improvement over the standard steel O-ring. Since it is made of aluminum, it is very lightweight and perfectly smooth, as no connector seam is necessary.
  • Sizing hint: Measure the circumference of (the distance around) the erect penis at the place where you want the ring to go. Divide by 3.1 and you have a ballpark number for the diameter of a snug-fitting ring.

b352.jpgThen there’s “cockring as fashion statement” — Teardrop Cock Rings (B352)

  • The Teardrop Cock Ring is worn around the cock and balls, but what makes this cock ring different is that it gently massages the perineum (the spot between the balls and anus) and other erogenous zones. It is made out of anodized aluminum, which is lighter and smoother than its chrome-plated counterparts, and preferable for people who have nickel allergies.

It’s absolutely essential that you not wear this kind of ring for longer than a couple hours. Make sure you don’t buy one that is too small either. If your dick is turning an angry red or worse, purple, or it is cold to the touch, you’re in trouble. Take that ring off immediately. If you don’t you will risk serious injury to your precious dick.

Good luck.

Name: Betty
Age: 22
Location: Fremont CA
I think my roommate is a lesbian. She hasn’t come right out and said so and I don’t know how to ask. Her birthday is coming up and I thought I would get her a sexy toy or something to let her know that it’s ok to talk to me about sex and stuff. Do you think I should get her a dildo? What kind of dildos do lesbians like?

Jeez Betty, how the fuck should I know what lesbians like? I’m pretty well versed on most things sexual, but even I am at a loss when it comes to the mind of a lesbian. I just put in a call to my favorite lesbiaterian, the magnificent Diana, for the 411 on toys for dykes and dyke wannabees.

b367.jpgIf you don’t want to be too provocative in your gift giving, Diana suggests you start out with a — I Rub My Duckie Vibe (B367)

  • These floating, waterproof little guys sit by your bath, jacuzzi, or bed with nothing more than those big innocent blue eyes to give away their real purpose in life!
  • Squeeze their backs and watch your smile grow as they seduce you and massage your tensions away. Waterproof On-Off Switch. Strong but quiet motor. Requires two AA batteries (included).

If you really want to pitch your friend an unambiguous message, Diana suggests a — b193.jpg

Vibratex Rabbit Habit (B193)

  • This vibrator does everything! It has three functions. The shaft gyrates and is bendable with a wire inside to keep its angle. Mid-way down, there’s a capsule of pea-sized pearls that rotate around the shaft for an undulating/ripple effect. And the bunny vibrates for clitoral stimulation.

If this doesn’t do the trick, Betty, nothing will.

Good luck

Name: Gary
Age: 58
Location: Tampa
I’m a widower; my wife of 29 years died a little over a year ago. I’m just now getting back into the swing of thing. The sex I had with my wife was very conventional now I want to try something different. I want to go to a dominatrix. I’ve always had a fantasy about a woman owning and punishing my privates. It’s a big turn on. Is there anything I should know about this?

I love it; another kinkster in the making. Coming out as a perv is better done late than b702.jpgnever, in my opinion. My first suggestion is that you find a better term for your privates than “privates”. You sound like your mommy. I suggest cock and balls, it pretty much says it all very succinctly.

Have you done your homework in terms of finding the right dominatrix? I suppose you have at least a couple in mind, right? Might I suggest that when you make contact with one or another of these professional women that you be very specific about what you want and how you want it.

Here’s a tip…a good submissive, or sub — that’s you, Gary, will want to bring his dominatrix, or dom a little gift to start things off on the right foot. May I suggest this little number: A Male Chastity Kit (B702).

  • It represents the latest design in modern male chastity. The natural flow of lines in this model represents the penis and conforms to the body. The slim, smooth lines permit this device to be worn easily under clothing. It is slightly vented with curving lines and custom openings for comfort and hygiene. The material, a highly durable transparent polycarbonate, is functional and appealing, and its strength exceeds that of acrylic and many other plastic blends.

Good luck

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