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The Self-Sexological Exam

No podcast today; instead there’s this…

The Ballad of Sylvie

Hi, my name is Sylvie. I’m 24 and I’ve been sexually active for three year, but I’ve never had an orgasm…at least not that I know of. I hear my friends talk about their orgasms and I know I should talk to them, but I don’t want them to know. Do you think there’s something wrong with me?

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard this complaint over the years, I’d be a wealthy man. Even in this day and age where sexual messages permeate the popular culture, there are still some women who are unversed about orgasms and their own bodies.

However, I almost never hear this from men. Sure, our sexual response cycle is more obvious. When we’re at attention, we’re at attention. I often wonder what the world would be like if men had as hard a time getting off as some women do.…

But let’s begin with dispelling the notion that there may be something wrong with you. There isn’t. You do, however, fall into a category we in the biz call “pre-orgasmic.” The idea is that you’re going to be orgasmic one day—you’ve just not accomplished it yet.

And I’m gonna assume a couple of things, even though I think it’s really dangerous to make assumptions in this line of work: 1. You’ve never had an orgasm, because you’d sure as hell know it if ya had. 2. You are sexually active with male partners.

I’m going out on this limb because I absolutely never hear from pre-orgasmic lesbians. And it stands to reason—lesbians tend to be more attuned to their bodies, and they certainly know their way around the bodies of their partners. But I digress.

Orgasms don’t come easily for some women. I suppose there are as many reasons for this as there are pre-orgasmic women. A woman’s pleasure center (her clit) is more subtle and less obvious than a man’s raging boner. Women are socialized about sexuality—even nowadays—in a much different way then men are. Men have more cultural permissions to be sexually adventuresome than do women. And, truth be told, men have never needed any permission to get themselves off!

The Ballad of Amy

Case in point: When I was just beginning my practice, a young couple, Joel and Amy, visited me with this very issue. As I’d soon learn, Joel considered himself a top-notch cocksmith. He was fond of saying that he could reduce any woman to blubbering jelly with either his mouth or his magic wand. But Joel was completely flummoxed to discover that the love of his life was immune to his sexual prowess—so he hauled the little woman in for my diagnosis.

Amy, for her part, squirmed with discomfort. I thought she’d absolutely die as Joel detailed the explicit intimacies of their lovemaking. I knew I’d get nowhere with Amy while Joel was there, so I told him to take a hike while she and I had a chat.

I first asked Amy about the early messages she got about her body. She thought for a moment and answered: “I don’t know if this is what you mean, but one of my earliest recollections is my mother teaching me to wash myself. I must have been no more than 3 or 4. She began by telling me I should wash my body like we washed dishes. First and foremost, I was to attend to my hair, my face and my hands—like we would first wash the fine crystal and silverware—because they would be what would attract a husband. Then I was to wash the rest of my body. Finally, at the end of the bath, I should wash my genitals…but only with a different cloth than the one I used on the rest of me…just like we washed the pots and pans.”

This unearthed memory startled Amy. Even though she hadn’t thought about it for years, she realized she continued to wash herself in the same manner to that very day. And she followed that revelation with one equally astonishing. She told me that once she reached puberty, her mother took her aside for “The Big Talk.” Menstruation and all the embarrassment and confusion that came with it added to the “pot and pan” imagery. As to her genitals, her mother said: “You must save that for the one you love and will marry.”

“This dirty part, this thing that’s cursed with a monthly unclean bloodletting was supposed to be SAVED for the man of my dreams. YUCK! Why?”

Poor Amy! She was a tangle of mixed messages. No wonder she was pre-orgasmic. No wonder fucking Joel, despite her love for him, was a teeth-clenching chore. No wonder his begging to eat her pussy was met with, “Oh, please don’t!”

There was a lot of work to be done, but she was eager to begin.

We started her with journaling and a self-sexological exam. I instructed Amy to get a hand mirror and a detailed diagram of female genitalia. She was to familiarize herself and make friends with her estranged pussy. Her exam would entail a touch-test. Every square inch from her anus to her navel was to be tested for sensitivity. I suggested she draw pictures of herself and color them to represent the levels of sensitivity: red being the hottest and most pleasurable areas; blue being more neutral, and all the colors in-between. I encouraged her to try this exercise first with a dry hand, then a wet hand using a personal lubricant. I encouraged her to spend at least 30 minutes a day for three consecutive days. She had a lot of reacquainting to do.

And this was to be private time. Joel was not to be invited.

On the forth day, if she was ready, she could invite Joel to join her. No pressure; just a suggestion. But whenever she was ready to invite Joel, he could only attend as a guest, NOT a participant. Joel was only to receive the royal tour of Amy’s fabulous cunt. She was to show Joel her drawings, and once the show was over, that was it. No fucking, no sucking, no nothing—this was only to be an exhibition.

Poor Joel was beside himself. He couldn’t see the logic of him not being involved. I had to impress upon him that this was Amy’s work—not his. And if he just held on to that magic johnson of his, he’d be back with an orgasmic Amy in no time—but he had to be patient.

When next we were together, Amy shared her artwork with me. I could tell right away from pictures she’d drawn and colored that she’d found her clit. Amy was extremely pleased with her “newfound” pussy. She was eager to take it to the next level.

The following week’s play would include a vibrator. Amy was to buy the one she wanted, take it home and introduce it to her pussy. Using the pictures she’d created, she was to throw it into first gear and start making small, lazy circles around the blue areas, working her way to the bright red areas. She was to do this privately for 30 minutes for three consecutive days or until there was a breakthrough.

I knew this wouldn’t take long, and it didn’t. The very next day, I got the anticipated phone call. Amy was breathless.

“Holy shit, I did it!” She exclaimed. “I saw stars—the earth moved and I made so much noise that Joel came running into the room. He thought I’d somehow hurt myself. He stood there stunned as I threw myself another screaming me-me.” I loved the way she already had a name for her orgasms…screaming me-me’s.

And that’s how Amy went from pre-orgasmic to I totally know how to give myself a big fat juicy orgasm in a matter of a couple of weeks.

The Ballad of Becoming Presently Orgasmic

Now let’s review for you, Sylvie. The basic formula for achieving an orgasm is acquainting yourself with your pussy. Map out all the points of interest. Find out what feels good, and repeat it. The object of this first step is not to stress about having an orgasm—it’s all about reconnecting with your body.

The more you know about yourself, the better you’re gonna be at slamming yourself a “screamin’ me-me”. Knowing your way around your pussy is also helpful in partnered sex, especially if your partner doesn’t know shit from Shinola about your pussy.

Step two is masturbation. You may have tried before without success. This time, thanks to step one, you’ll better know your hot spots. I’m a big fan of full body masturbation. So while you’re diddling, be sure to spread the sexual energy all over your body—tits, ass, feet, mouth, whatever you like—stroke, pinch, pat, massage, and rub yourself all over. Vary your breathing, gyrate your hips, listen to sexy music, rent some porn, watch yourself in a mirror, or throw in some Kegel exercises. Try a wet hand. Play with yourself in the bath. Hell, dance around naked with a jewel in your navel…whatever it takes.

Like Amy, many women experience their first orgasm with the help of a vibrator. I encourage you to experiment with one—or try another sex toy.

Be sure to keep a journal during this exploratory period. This will help you later to bridge the gap in communicating with your partners.

Good luck!

C’est Bonne

Welcome back to Product Review Friday, sex fans. Today we bring you news of a handsome Tantus cockring with a unique design. This product comes to us from our friends and neighbors in beautiful British Columbia, Canada, Trinity Romance.

Here are Dr Dick Review Crew members Glenn & Hank with their thoughts.

C-Sling by Tantus —— $44.99

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “This perky little thing is the C-Sling by Tantus. As you can see from its design, it is not your ordinary cockring.”
Hank: “I had to do a double take on the package. The packaging calls it a C-Sling. What’s up with that? Were they too timid to call it a cock sling? I don’t get it. I mean, it’s not like you’re not gonna find this thing on a rack at the local Walmart. You’ll only find this in an adult store, so why be so coy? C-Sling doesn’t tell me anything.”
Glenn: “Whoa, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”
Hank: “I’m just sayin’, ok?”
Glenn: “Now that we have that rant out of the way, let’s take a peek at the C-Sling. It’s more than just a cockring; its teardrop shape works as a ‘taint’ (perineum) stimulator. This is not the first cockring of this design that I’ve seen. But it is the first one that I’ve seen that is made of 100% silicone. So that’s totally cool in my book.”
Hank: “I’ve been wanting to get a silver one, but they are really pricy. They make for some beautiful cock jewelry tough.”
Glenn: “That’s true enough, but I like the comfort the C-Sling. There is a little give with the silicone, not a whole lot, but there is a little. The metal ones have no give at all. And I think the black is pretty hot too. It also comes in red.”
Hank: “Ya got me there. The C-Sling is handsome, no doubt about it. My complaint is that it apparently comes only in this one size. That sucks, because there is no way this thing would fit on my cock and balls. One size fits all is not a good idea for a cockring, IMHO.”
Glenn: “Mr Big Meat over here has a point. The C-Sling fits me fine, but I have an average endowment. The cool thing about this kind of cockring is that you can wear it several different ways. There’s the usual position pointing down and back towards your asshole for the promised taint massage. If you point the tongue upward you get this freaky look of the tongue nestled in your pubes. Turn the ring around point the tongue tip outward and it hits ya right in the nuts. I love this. When I’m fisting my meat the C-Sling pushes up on my balls for this really great sensation. Also, when I wear it this way, it lifts my balls some so that I look like a have bigger package. Very hot!”
Hank: “A couple of weeks ago we were in Palm Springs and Glenn wore the C-Sling, in that way, under his skimpy Speedos. It really made his package pop. All the guys were staring at him.”
Glenn: “I got a kick out of that. Stole some of Hank’s thunder, thank you very much. Oh, and I use a bit of water-based lube on the rim of the C-Sling for easy placement. The lube also prevents chafing if you’re gonna wear if for a while. There’s an illustration on the package that shows you how to insert your balls first, then your limp dick. Don’t try to put this thing on with a boner.”
Full Review HERE

ENJOY!

Keep It Clean

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday and we have some clever items from Empire Labs to tell you about.  This is the second batch of their product reviews. You can see the first batch HERE!

Dr Dick Review Crew members Jada and Jack & Karen are today’s presenters.

Body Spa Vibrating Foam Sponge —— $ 19.95

Jada
How very delightful! That was the first thought that came to mind when I was handed the Body Spa Vibrating Foam Sponge. But, as sometimes happens, the concept doesn’t always live up to the expectation. So I decided to take a “wait and see” attitude before I got too emotionally involved with this product.

The sweet minimalist packaging is truly refreshing. It hits all the right notes. The Body Spa Vibrating Foam Sponge package is clean, tasteful and wouldn’t be out of place in even a high-end spa boutique. Inside the package is a teardrop shaped natural sponge about the size of my hand. It is featherweight, just as you would expect from a natural sponge. And hidden inside is a small but powerful bullet vibe.

I could feel the vibe when I scrunched the sponge and with a little fiddling I found the “on” button. I was running a bath for myself at the time and I caught myself in the mirror smiling a Cheshire Cat grin. Oh yes, I thought, this will do nicely.

The promotional blurb for the Body Spa Vibrating Foam Sponge reads in part: “You never knew getting clean could be so dirty! Leave it in your shower; this discreet sponge completely hides the vibrator inside. No need to “de-toy” before guests show up!” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Once I was comfortably settled in my steamy and foamy bath I reached for the Body Spa Vibrating Foam Sponge. The vibrations in this thing are surprisingly strong and exceptionally quiet. As I rubbed myself with the soapy sponge the vibration made me tingle. I have other waterproof vibes that I use in my bath from time to time, but none of the others help me clean and exfoliate my skin while they pleasure me. I think I’m in heaven.
Full Review HERE

Tongue Vibe Dual Pack —— $34.95

Jack & Karen
Jack: “We have two different, but very similar vibes to tell you about today. And we’ll do them one at a time, if you don’t mind.”
Karen: “First up we have the Tongue Vibe Dual Pack. The rather garish and oversized plastic packaging contains a smaller, compact-sized plastic flip-top case that contains two Tongue Vibes already loaded with batteries (thank you very much!) and four extra batteries. Extra points for this thoughtful gesture, for sure.”
Jack: “The vibes are phthalate-free, latex-free and hypoallergenic, or so reads the package. However, I have to wonder since the little plastic bullet vibes are encased in a jelly material. But let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. Each vibe also has a finger/cock/tongue strap. Both vibes are ribbed and glow in the dark. How fun is that?”
Karen: “Each Tongue Vibe has two speeds. Neither speed will knock your socks off. And I found trying to adjust the speed control on such a tiny vibe to be a bit disconcerting. I would have much preferred a stronger single speed vibe.”
Jack: “Ya know what these things remind me of? Hearing aids! Everything about the package, vibes and batteries remind me of that. Which just goes to show you how discreet these little things are.”
Karen: “Since there are two vibes in the package, we each got one to play with. Jack got the blue one, because he’s a boy. I got the pink one, because I’m a girl.”
Jack: “I promptly broke mine. I know; I couldn’t believe it either. I think my big clumsy man fingers were too much for the delicate little speed control. Sorry!”
Karen: “I tried putting my vibe on my tongue using the strap like the picture on the package. It wasn’t particularly comfortable and it kept slipping off. Here’s another thing. I couldn’t get over the feeling that I could accidentally swallow the vibe and have it lodge in my throat. That disturbing thought was a real buzz kill. I realize there was little chance of that happening, because of the strap, but still. Also, having Jack’s penis in my mouth and the vibe was way too much.”
Full Review HERE

Finger Vibe Dual-Speed —— $9.95

Jack & Karen
Jack: “Let’s move on to the other vibe.”
Karen: “This is the Finger Vibe Dual-Speed. Happily it comes in a small package — a bubble on a card actually. It is already loaded with batteries. Again, we really appreciate the that thoughtfulness.”
Jack: “It is exactly the same blue vibe that comes with the Tongue Vibe Dual Pack. However, this vibe is encased in a nubbed jelly casing. I have the same reservations about it being phthalate-free as I did with the Tongue Vibe, but I’ll let that go for now. This vibe comes with a little finger strap. The vibe is ribbed and glow in the dark.”
Karen: “Like the Tongue Vibe, the Finger Vibe has two speeds. Neither speed will blow your mind. Adjusting the speed using the tiny control mechanism is a very delicate operation. Please be careful; it can easily break.”
Full Review HERE

ENJOY

Plan B

Hey sex fans,

Product Review Friday is back again; and today we have a handful of products from our very good friends at SexToy.com.

Dr Dick Review Crew Members — Ken & Denise, Brad and Angie do the honors. So let’s get right to it.

Bsoft Skyblue Rechargeable Massager —— $55.60

Angie
I could hardly wait to get home after Dr Dick handed off the Bsoft Skyblue Rechargeable Massager to me. As he and I talked about the weather, I kept fiddling with the attractive package in my lap. I have to admit, I was completely distracted. Luckily Dr Dick was kind enough to notice and he sent me on my way.

I set the package on the passenger seat as I drove home. I would catch a glimpse of the image of the Bsoft Skyblue on the package and imagine all the fun I would soon be having.

Once home I opened the tasteful package. I discovered an instruction manual, the lovely Bsoft Skybluewith it’s space-aged design and the recharger nestled in a formed plastic holder inside a black carton. As I gingerly removed the vibe from its resting place I inadvertently pressed the power-on button. It immediately sprang to life. Glory be; the Bsoft Skyblue comes already charged. How delightful and thoughtful!

There are two other buttons on the face of the vibe; one marked + and one marked -. These regulate the multifunction and multispeed. The unit itself is about 6” long, made of a hard plastic, which is phthalates free, hypoallergenic and latex free. So far, so good.

A serious problem arose moments after I took the Bsoft Skyblue from its package. You see, there is a small rubbery plug that covers (or is supposed to cover) the recharge port. And this plug absolutely will not stay in place. I don’t know if this is a design flaw on all the units, or if I’m the only unlucky consumer. Either way, it is very distressing.

I always apply at least some lube to whatever toy I am using on or around my vulva. I will not compromise on that. The fact that this dang plug won’t stay in place gave me pause about using the vibe. If I get lube, during use, or water, during cleanup, in the port it will probably won’t recharge.

I gingerly use the vibe by softly placing it on my vulva. I love the sensations. The vibrations are very strong, which I really like. I would have moved the vibe around more than I did if I used lube, but I didn’t. This is a huge drawback.
Full Review HERE

7 Super Stretch Sleeves —— $16.59

Ken & Denise
Denise: “It must be silly season in toyland.”
Ken: “You can say that again!”
Denise: “What we have here is 7 Super Stretch Sleeves. Six of them are 1.75” long and less than an inch in diameter. The seventh one is just short of 3” in length and only slightly larger in diameter.”
Ken: “They are made of a clear jelly material and each one has a slightly different configuration of bumps, points and nodules.”
Denise: “What are these things for, you might ask. Good question. Originally I thought they were to fit around a dildo shaped vibrator, or the like. The package shows that as an option.”
Ken: “But the package also says that one shouldn’t wear it for longer than 20 minutes. This suggests to me that these sleeves are supposed to be worn on a guy’s cock.”
Denise: “Well I guess that’s true if the said ‘guy’ has a teensy tiny unit. I couldn’t slip them over two of my fingers with ease. And I have slender fingers.”
Full Review HERE

Men’s Pleasure Wand —— $23.52

Brad
Ok, I get what they are trying to do here with the Men’s Pleasure Wand. It’s designed as an anal insertion toy. Of course a woman could also use this, because they have assholes. But I digress.

Anyhow, the Men’s Pleasure Wand is supposed to massage my balls, perineum and prostate; all at the same time. And it does…sort of. But I’m gettin a little ahead of myself.

The Men’s Pleasure Wand is waterproof and comes with a multi-speed controller that is attached to the part that is planted in your ass by a wire. It also has a ring on the base of the vibe that makes it easy to insert and remove. It’s also a very modest size in terms of girth. It’s no bigger than my middle finger. So if you’ve ever fingered your hole; and let’s be honest, you know you have. The Men’s Pleasure Wand will easily slip in your butt. Always remember to use a lot of lube with any kind of ass play, ok?

The package tells me nothing about the materials used in making the Men’s Pleasure Wand. That sucks! There is also a distinct off-gas smell to the toy once you open the package. This tells me that the materials used are of an inferior quality. It probably also means it’s not phthalates free, hypoallergenic or latex free. I happened to have my favorite silicone-based lube handy, so I used that. Didn’t seem to ill-effect the vibe in any way.

I really liked how easy the Men’s Pleasure Wand inserts. I really like the controller, which cycles four speeds. The controller makes it easy to change the vibration in the vibe without having to remove — adjust — then reinsert. The vibration is strongest in my ass, although it’s not all that strong even there. As for the other areas; I couldn’t feel  much vibration on my balls or taint. DISAPPOINTED!
Full Review HERE

ENJOY

Manhandled

Hey sex fans,

We’re back, and we’re sliding into Labor Day weekend, after a couple weeks off, with a couple of swell reviews. Today’s edition of Product Review Friday will be comin at ya in just a second. But first I want to make sure that you’ve all noticed the totally new look of my REVIEW site. It has a brand-spankin-new magazine format that mirrors this, my ADVICE site.

All the functions of the old site — search-ability, your favorite reviewers, the Categories section and Tags are still there, just like on this site. But now you can quickly scan a thumbnail image and a blurb for each review without having to scroll through the whole damn review. There is also a Headline review and a handful of featured reviews. Pretty gal-darn sweet, huh?

Today’s products come to us courtesy of our good friends at Adult Sex Toys .comDr Dick Review Crew members include — Jack & Karen and Greg.

Anal Invader With Cock Cage —— $15.35

Jack & Karen
Jack: “Probably ya’ll know I’m still pretty new at the whole butt sex, right? I’ve been experimenting with several toys and I am discovering that I really like butt plugs.”
Karen: “I got a very nice strap-on that I get to use on this man’s tush every now and again. And I have to tell you, it is a fuckin turn on.”
Jack: “It’s true; she gets off on being the top. I mean, who could blame her? So when I’m in the mood to get pegged, I warm myself up with one of my plugs and it’s pretty much smooth sailing from there.”
Karen: “He can wear a plug for hours prior to my ass-ault.”
Jack: “The newest addition to my growing collection is the Anal Invader With Cock Cage. It’s made of black latex. (If you have a latex allergy, this toy is definitely not for you.) It’s 4.5″ long with an insertable length of just over 3″. A super-sized bullet vibe slips into the base and it is powered by one AA battery. (Battery not included.) A dial on the base of the vibe controls the vibration intensity. This dial setup is only ok; it isn’t the ideal controller for a butt plug.”
Karen: “Tell them about the cock cage part.”
Jack: “Oh yeah! Honestly, I couldn’t get into this…both literally and figuratively. It seemed to me to be a completely unnecessary addition to the butt plug. Besides, it’s one of those, ‘one size fits all’ set ups and it was both awkward and uncomfortable. In the end, I wound up cutting the cage doohickey off and just using the plug.”
Karen: “You also said that with the cage attached, the plug pointed the wrong way in your bum, right?”
Jack: “That’s right! The plug is supposed to hit my prostate, but with the cage attached, the head of the plug pointed away from my P-spot. But the gradually increasing sized bumps on the plug are great for warming yourself up for the full insertion. And once you have it fully inserted it stays in place nicely, as any good butt plug should. I love walking around with a plug in my ass. It makes me super hard.”
Full Review HERE

Naughty Boy Blue —— $68.41

Greg
I have the pleasure of introducing you to a fantastic toy, the Naughty Boy. Made by the same people who gave us the Rude Boy. Look for Dr Dick’s review of that puppy HERE!

The Naughty Boy is officially my new favorite ass play toy. Mine is blue, but it also comes in black. It has a very masculine design; it provides a very nice prostate massage as well as perineum massage. The one-speed bullet vibe in the base is powered by a couple of those small round watch batteries (the first set comes with the toy). They do a pretty good job delivering the sensations I am looking for in an anal toy. It has a very modest insertable length of just over 4″ with a slender diameter that starts out not bigger that your middle finger. This flairs slightly to a bulge of just over an inch. It’s great for an ass play beginner. But it also works for me, and I’m no novice to anal insertions, I can tell you.

The things I like most about the Naughty Boy is that it is made of 100% silicone and it is waterproof. Both of these features are really important to me. I don’t like sticking anything in my ass that is not of the highest quality. So silicone is the material for choice for me. It is soft and pliable, phthalates free, hypo-allergenic and latex free. And since this is a toy that goes where the sun don’t shine, it is essential that I have the ability to clean and sanitize it. I’m able to do this with soap and hot water, and then wiping it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.

Be sure to use a lot of lube for anal insertions of any kind. And in this case, only water-based lube will do. A silicone-based lube will degrade this beautiful silicone toy; and you don’t want that.
Full Review HERE

ENJOY!