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Actual things you can do to bridge the orgasm gap in your own bedroom

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By Rachel Thompson

Your sexual partner just jubilantly crossed the finish line, but you’re still running a race with no end in sight. It’s frustrating. And, for an alarming number of heterosexual women, it’s the infuriating reality of sex. Metaphors aside, we’re talking about the gender orgasm gap—the disparity between men and women’s sexual satisfaction, and a struggle that many of us know all too well.

64 percent of men have an orgasm during sex, but only 34 percent of women can say the same, according to the Durex Global Sex Survey which surveyed nearly 30K adults worldwide. Women who identify as heterosexual are the demographic that have the fewest orgasms, according to a study by Indiana University. That same research also revealed something that many women are already fully aware of: penetrative sex alone simply doesn’t cut it for most women. And, that women need oral sex and clitoral stimulation if they’re going to stand any chance of coming.

The reasons for the orgasm gap are multi-faceted, and some of them will take a long time to remedy. Sex education that fails to teach sexual pleasure has been cited as one reason for the gap. A study from University of Wisconsin-Madison found a third of university-age women can’t identify their clitoris in an anatomy test. Communication, or a lack thereof, is one of the biggest obstacles in bridging the orgasm gap, according to the Durex Global Sex Survey. Over a third of people feel they can’t tell their sexual partner what they like. And, others say the reason behind the gender orgasm gap is the cultural prioritisation of the male orgasm.

We might not be able to change these things overnight, but there are a few things we can do. Mashable asked gynaecologists, sex therapists, sex educators, and orgasm equality activists what heterosexual sex partners can do to bridge the orgasm gap in their own bedroom. Here are the pearls of wisdom they imparted that will hopefully bring us all a little closer to that oh-so-coveted finish line.

Don’t fake it

Heather Corinna—founder of Scarleteen, a sex and relationships education site for young people—warns against faking your orgasm, which can cause a miscommunication between you and your sexual partner. “Orgasm tells a partner whatever you did together can gets you off. So, they’re often going to try and repeat those things to get that result again,” says Corinna. “If you faked, you gave them wrong information, and then they think things get you off that might not, or even most definitely DO not.”

Masturbate together

Angela Skurtu— sex therapist and cohost of the About Sex podcast—says couples should masturbate together so they can see see “how each person touches themselves.” “Women masturbate very differently than men do and we can teach each other,” says Skurtu. “You can also make this a competition—whoever finishes first wins something.”

Build arousal slowly

“Slow down,” says Sophie Holloway, founder of Ladies Come First, a campaign promoting pleasure based sex education. “No touching the vagina until you are really really really turned on,” says Holloway. “Your labia should be plump and erect just like the penis when you are aroused.” She recommends staying in foreplay for as long as possible to build arousal slowly and to achieve what she calls a “lady boner.” When it comes to pressure, Holloway says partners should start out “touching the clitoris with the same pressure as you would your eyelid” before applying more pressure.

‘Stay in’

Claire Kim, program manager at sex education site OMGYES, says in hetero penetrative sex, “in and out friction” is what’s pleasurable for the man, but this action isn’t conductive to the level of clitoral stimulation women need. “What’s often much more pleasurable for the woman is his penis staying inside,” says Kim. “So that the clitoris stays in contact with the area above the penis, and the top of the penis stays in contact with the inside roots of the clitoral cluster, which go around the urethra and up the vaginal canal.”

Think about what gets you off alone

We know what makes us come when we’re going solo. The obstacle usually arises when we bring another person into the equation. Corinna recommends examining “what floats your boat solo” and then “bringing it to your crew.” “Whatever that is, bring as much of it into sex with partners as you can,” says Corinna. “Whether that’s bringing the fantasies in your head, showing them how to do what you like with your own hands meshed with theirs, or doing it yourself during sex (or both!), using porn you like together.” Gynaecologist and sex counsellor Dr. Terri Vanderlinde recommends that women practice “alone, comfortably” with fingers or vibrators to learn “her body and how it works.”

Treat this as a learning curve

PSA men: this is gonna take some time. Holloway says men need to know that “until they have the map to their partner’s pleasure” it’s going to be a “voyage of discovery.” “This takes time, and patience, and love, and respect, and placing their partners pleasure and orgasm as their primary goal is a big part of it,” she says.  Partners should listen and learn their partner’s pleasure signals, and be receptive when your partner tells you when something’s not working for them.

Get on top

When it comes to positions for penetrative sex, all experts interviewed by Mashable were in agreement: getting on top will help get you off. Dr. Vandelinde says being on top provides open access for clitoral stimulation, which most women need in order to orgasm. It also gives the woman “the freedom to have more control of the movements” so you can get into a rhythm that feels good, according to Holloway. Online sex therapist and host of Foreplay Radio podcast Laurie Watson says “woman on top at a 45 degree angle gives the penis the most contact with the G-spot, and is a good position that she can reach her clitoris.”

Experiment with positions

Getting on top isn’t the be all and end all, though. Vanderlinde says doggy style can be a good position for clitoral stimulation. “Anything that can give direct stimulation to the clitoris works,” says Vanderlinde. Watson recommends lying on your back, hooking your legs around your partner’s elbows with your pelvis rocked up. “To climax during intercourse I suggest a position where their partner or themselves can simultaneously touch their clitoris,” says Watson.

As Corinna points out, women have “incredibly diverse bodies, and even more diverse sexualities.”  They say orgasm can occur with “any kind of sexual activity” and each person over time will find what works for their own bodies. “There are going to be certain positions, angles or other specifics that work best for them. But what those are is so varied, that’s something we all have to find out by experimenting,” they say.

Talk about sex outside the bedroom

Corinna says it’s actually really hard to talk about what you like and don’t like during sex. “It’s just such a high-stakes situation, and people, especially women, are often so worried about how what they say will be perceived,” says Corinna, who suggests building communication about sex when you’re not having sex. “Start by doing more talking about sex when you’re not actually engaging in sex. That can help build trust and comfort and practice that makes doing it during easier,” says Corinna.

Tell your partner when something feels good

We know that faking your orgasm will give your partner the wrong message about what’s working for you. If you feel comfortable doing so, Corinna says you should “voice it when things do feel good” and “show them what you like when you can.” “Don’t be afraid to ask a partner to keep doing what they are doing when you’re into it, or to adjust when something isn’t doing it for you,” they say. “Be explicit and clear and open.”

Add toys to the equation

If you use a vibrator on your own, then it’s worth considering using it when you’re having sex with your partner. “If someone enjoy sex toys alone, why wouldn’t they bring them into sex together at least sometimes? The idea that toys are just for people alone is silly,” says Corinna.

If you want to add toys to the equation during penetrative sex, Vanderlinde recommends using a “cock ring with a vibrator” which will afford “hands free stimulation” as well as vibrators that can fit between your and your partner’s bodies. “Or simply wait ’til he finishes and then he can stimulate her to multiple orgasms,” says Vanderlinde.

Plan to give oral

Sex therapist Deborah Fox says that the “majority” of women won’t come from intercourse alone and that’s simply down to biology. The clitoris is full of nerve endings, while only the outer third of the vagina tends to have responsive nerves,” says Fox.

If the man comes during intercourse, his next move should be to find a way to make his partner come. Skurtu says if the man comes during intercourse, he should plan to perform oral sex afterwards. “If a person finishes first, the next person can perform oral on the first or use a vibrator and/or fingers,” she says.

Don’t fret

Try not to get stressed if you don’t come. Vanderlinde says there are sometimes other things at play that could be standing in the way of reaching orgasm. “There can be interfering medical diagnoses, medications, pain, low desire, hormones, partner issues, prior abuse, trust issues, stresses, worries, depression, that have a major effect on a woman’s ability to have an orgasm,” she says. In these situations, consider seeking advice from a medical professional or trained sex counsellor.

Go forth, explore. And most importantly, have fun.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Pleasuring Pleasure Ring

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Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday once again. And this week we have another product from the German company, OVO Lifestyle Toys.

To keep track of all our OVO Lifestyle Toy reviews, here’s what you do. Use the search function in the header of DrDickSexToyReviews.com, type in OVO, and PRESTO!

Dr Dick Review Crew members, Jack & Karen, are here to show us around.

OVO A1 Cockring —— $28.50

Jack & Karen
Karen: “There sure are a lot of vibrating cockrings on the market these days.”
Jack: “I know, it’s like totally crazy. Just a couple of weeks ago our colleagues, Ken and Denise reviewed the Pivot by We-Vibe.”
Karen: “I guess this proliferation must mean that sex toy designers are finally getting the message that women need clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex.”
Jack: “And they think cockrings are the way to deliver that much needed stimulation. I mean, a guy’s gonna want to wear a cockring to support his erection, right? Why not add some kind of bullet vibe to make the clitoral stimulation hands-free? It would be a win-win for both partners, right?”
Karen: “The problem, of course, is the ring doesn’t stay in contact with the clit during thrusting. Am I right or am I right?”

Jack: “Right. But before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let’s start at the beginning…with the packaging. OVO packages their A1 Cockring in a handsome minimalist white cardboard box. The box features an image of the A1 Cockring and the USB charging cable. They want you to know from the get-go that the A1 Cockring is rechargeable. Inside the box is the ring itself, the USB charger cable, and an illustrated card showing how to charge and operate the ring. There’s a warranty registration card too. The A1 Cockring has a sleek modern design. It comes in both black and white. Ours is white.”
Karen: “The A1 Cockring is made of soft and somewhat stretchy silicone. Silicone is my favorite toy material. There’s an ABS-plastic covered motor unit nestled on the top of the ring.”
Jack: “The motor unit detaches from the cock ring so you can recharge it. The charging cable plugs into the underside of this motor unit. Once charged the motor unit slips back into the silicone ring. This forms a seal, of sorts, making the ring showerproof, but definitely not waterproof. The tiny light on the motor unit blinks when charging and remains solid when completely charged.”

Karen: “The vibrations are on the buzzy side of things as opposed to the rumbling kind. It also features 7 vibration patterns. You cycle through the patterns by pressing the tiny button on the motor unit. This button also serves as an on/off button. Here’s a tip; turn the thing on and find the vibration pattern you like before you start your play. Trying to adjust the settings while in motion, so to speak, is difficult because the button is so small. And with lubed up fingers…fogetaboutit.”
Jack: “I have one quarrel with the one size fits all cockring concept. Simply put, there’s no such thing!”
Karen: “My Jack is a BIG boy, if ya know what I mean. Watching him trying to fit the A1 Cockring around his willie was painful, not just for him but for me. Even with water-based lube, there was not enough give to the silicone and just too much constriction. But I guess, if you’re more of an average size you wouldn’t have such problems. OK, you already know that the A1 Cockring is rechargeable, since Jack mentioned the USB charger cable. Well, a 60 minute charge will give you about 30 minutes of playtime. That’s not a whole lot, if you ask me.”
Jack: “I wound up not wearing the A1 Cockring on my cock, but I did wear it around a couple of my fingers with ease. Once I did that I could pleasure Karen consistently without the vibe bouncing on and off her clit like if I were thrusting inside her.”
Karen: “Yeah, this was way better than it’s original purpose. I also tried it with a glass dildo I have. I like the filled-up feeling the dildo gave me and I could grind the A1 Cockring against my clit and keep it in place for as long as I needed.”

Jack: “Because the A1 Cockring isn’t waterproof cleaning it is a bit more challenging than if it were. We detached the vibrator part from the silicone ring, like if we were going to recharge it. The silicone ring is super easy to clean. You can submerge it in mild soap and warm water for general cleanup. Or you can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. But you have to be more careful with the bullet vibe part. There’s no submerging it. But you can wipe it down as I just mentioned.”
Karen: “Remember, you can only use a water-based lube with a silicone toy like this. A silicone-based lube would mar the finish, and you certainly don’t want that.”

Complete Article HERE!

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Women ‘turned off’ by traditional porn; demand female-friendly adult films

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The demand for female-friendly porn has increased exponentially, according to the top streaming sites.

By Simone Paget

Popular adult site, Pornhub recently revealed they have seen a 359% jump in women users since 2016. The top search term last year: “Porn for Women.” However, when you factor in male users as well, the search grew by 1,400% from 2016 to 2017 – a sign that perhaps men are increasingly curious when it comes to what pleases their partners.

Could this be a sign that a sexual revolution is underfoot?

Erika Lust, is an award winning erotic filmmaker known for creating unique female-led, sexually intelligent, cinematic adult films. She says she’s definitely noticed a cultural shift when it comes to women feeling empowered to come forward and embrace their sexuality.

“Women have always been told what to do with their bodies and with whom. For years women were told that porn was degrading and that we wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, be turned on by it. But women are sexual beings, we can be aroused by representation of sex on screen just as much as men,” says Lust.

As women’s sexual confidence grows, so does the interest in exploring porn, explains Lust. “This still seems to be a taboo to say aloud, but sooner or later we will all be more vocal about it!”

I’ve always found the act of choosing to view porn on my own terms empowering. The problem however, is that in my experience, a lot of the porn you typically stumble across online isn’t necessarily female friendly – or even a turn on for many women (myself included).

As Lust notes, “A lot of women when watching traditional male and female mainstream pornography feel turned off due to the nature of the films. A lot of these films show the female body as inherently subjugated and passive to men and male sexual desire. Male pleasure is the ultimate goal, the scene typically unfolds through the male gaze.”

“The female character is being used to satisfy others, but not themselves. There is no foreplay, no caressing, performing oral sex on a women is practically non-existent. They are only focused on anatomy, genitalia or body parts bashing against each other,” says Lust.

These are all reasons why, when it comes to my own porn viewing habits, I typically gravitate towards adult content that features girl on girl scenes. Apparently, I’m not alone. “Lesbian” was reportedly Pornhub’s top search term in 2017.

Lust attributes this to the fact that lesbian sex scenes are focused on female pleasure. “Most of the films include oral sex and clitoral stimulation, there is more foreplay, use of sex toys…basically everything that women usually want in sex! Women are looking for porn that satisfies their needs and since a lot of the mainstream male/female porn completely neglects their pleasure on screen it makes sense that they’d look elsewhere,” says Lust.

What’s a woman to do if she’s looking for some hot female-friendly pornography? Lust encourages people to explore indie adult cinema. “Don’t be put off by a lot of the mainstream content you may see on the free tube sites. During the last years there has been a growing movement of female directors who are trying to change the industry from within and create films that are artistic and realistic, that positively mirror female sexuality,” she says.

I can vouch for this. The first time I watched one of Erika Lust’s erotic films, it felt like I had found the Holy Grail of adult cinema. Along with high production values (think gorgeous European apartments instead of the ubiquitous leather couch in the San Fernando Valley) and attractive actors of all genders, the scenes were full of sizzling, realistic chemistry.

That’s why I agree with Lust when she says that explicit films can be a fun and healthy educational tool. “Porn can open your mind about sexuality and help you to discover new desires and fantasies. It can help you discover your body, how to give pleasure to it and to others,” she says.

Not sure what floats your boat? Lust encourages the curious among us to, “take time to explore porn either by yourself or with a partner. Adult cinema that presents people as subjects and sexual collaborators (not objects), offers diversity and represents all the different parts of society, can serve a purpose in enabling people to see themselves in those films and open their minds.”

Complete Article HERE!

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7 Oral Sex Moves That Will Blow Your Mind

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Have you tried the two-tongue technique?

By

What’s not awesome about getting oral sex? All you have to do is sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. But while taking a totally hands-off approach can be blissful, it never hurts to know what you like (or want to try), and actually ask for it.

Oral sex is hot sex—and great oral can take your sex life to the next level,” says Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast.

And, of course, it increases the odds you’ll orgasm—clearly a big perk, says Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a sex therapist and licensed psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida.

Add these new moves to your repertoire (and clue your partner in, ASAP) to dial your experience up a notch.

The Tease

Teasing can be hot AF, which is why Needle recommends asking your partner to provoke you. “A lick here and a lick there, starting slowly and building intensity, can create anticipation, excitement, and increased pleasure,” she says.

The Lip Lock

Have your partner approach your vulva from the side and squeeze the inner lips between their lips, O’Reilly advises. While they’re doing this, they can run their tongue between the groove they’ve created while sucking on the area.

The Two-Tongue Technique

The goal with this one is to make your partner’s fingers feel like another tongue. Blindfold yourself (or have your partner blindfold you) and have them get their fingers soaking wet with lube, O’Reilly says. Then, encourage them to “lick” around your thighs, mons pubis (the fleshy tissue above your vulva), and outer labia with their fingers.

Have them move on to stroke your inner labia gently in an up and down motion with their wet fingers, using their real tongue in the mix, too. They can also use a flat, wet palm to stroke up and down over your vulva as they let out a heavy breath over your clitoris.

The Pocket

Have your S.O. place their palm flat against your mons pubis and bend their fingers down to press against the full width and length of your vulva, O’Reilly says. They can then slowly slide their fingers up and down while maintaining pressure against your vulva and clitoris. Your partner can also get some tongue action into the mix: Have them slip their tongue between the grooves of their fingers to tease your labia while their fingers go up and down.

The Sucker

Ask your partner to suck on your clitoris instead of just licking it. “Sucking allows for more deep pressure,” says Debra Laino, D.H.S., a sex therapist and clinical sexologist based in Delaware. She recommends having your S.O. start out gently and then increase the sucking pressure as you get aroused.

Breath Kisses

Dopamine levels are higher during the anticipation of pleasure than when you actually receive pleasure, O’Reilly says—that’s why she loves this move. It’s super simple: Have your partner breathe kisses all over your sensitive areas down there—your inner thighs, labia, etc. The goal is for them to hover their lips as close to the surface of your skin without actually touching it.

The Nose Job

The nose’s cartilage can actually do a lot for your vagina, which is why O’Reilly recommends having your partner rock their head back and forth, and up and down around your vulva. If your partner makes some noise while they’re down there, even better—the vibrations can feel amazing, she says.

Complete Article HERE!

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Pivot to Pleasure

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Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday once again.

This week we have another wonderful product from our good friends over at We-Vibe. As you probably know, they have been part of this review effort since 2008 when we reviewed our first product of their line. Since then we’ve happily reviewed plenty of their other products.

To keep track of all our reviews of the amazing products coming from We-Vibe, use the search function in the sidebar of DrDickSexToyReviews.com, type in We-Vibe, and PRESTO!

Here to show us around are Dr Dick Review Crew members, Denise & Ken.

The Pivot by We-Vibe —— $61.03

Denise & Ken
Ken: “After a very long hiatus, Denise and I are back with the Review Crew.”
Denise: “That’s right, we signed on for more. After we got the word that Dr Dick was going revive the Crew, we wanted back in. But, we were in the middle of a move when he made the announcement and then I got knocked up…thanks KEN!! So this is our first opportunity to post a review.”
Ken: “Today we bring you a product from one our favorite companies, We-Vibe. The last time we reviewed one of their products was way back in May, 2014. Damn, that’s nearly four years ago!”
Denise: “Yep, here is Pivot by We-Vibe. As you can probably tell from just looking at it, it’s a vibrating cockring. These things are all the rage these days. I think the Review Crew has reviewed at least four if not more of these things over the years. If you know anything about We-Vibe, you can probably also guess that they will take the concept of a vibrating cockring and max it out. Pivot is both classy and well made. And like all of We-Vibe’s toys lately Pivot is app controllable. We’ll get into that in a minute.”

Ken: “Pivot is made of a silky blue silicone. There is a little magnetic plate in the tip where the USB charger connects. Silicone, rechargeable, and waterproof, what more could one want? Magnetic charging ports are great if you can iron out the cable. This took some doing at first. The cable kept disconnecting from the port until if figured out that if I weighed down the cable, so it wouldn’t disconnect, I’d get a solid connection.”
Denise: “So here’s the deal; I need clitoral stimulation in order to cum. While fucking is nice and all, penetration alone won’t get me off. That’s why I always have a vibrator near to hand when Ken’s inside me. So when I first heard about vibrating cockrings, I thought, holy shit that’ll be the ideal solution to my vibration needs during penetration. I’d finally get a hands free way to get off; problem solved! Unfortunately, I failed to take into consideration that while thrusting, the vibrating cockring loses contact with my clit. DAMN!”
Ken: “I didn’t think of that either, but don’t lose heart. We’ll have more to say about that in a bit. The business end of Pivot, where the vibe is, is at 3” in length, 2” in width and about 1.25.” thick. The hole of cock ring itself is approximately 1.25” in diameter unstretched. Just so you know, this is the kind of cockring that just fits around your dick, don’t think you’re going to stretch it around your balls too. And if your cock is thicker than average, say more than 5” you’re in for a super snug fit. Despite the fact that the silicone does stretch, I found Pivot too snug for me.”

Denise: “Let’s get back to the app. If you have a smart phone or tablet, you can download We-Connect for free, and use it to control your Pivot. Or your partner can control it, even if they aren’t in the same room as you or even in the same city. That’s the funnest part, if you ask me.”
Ken: “I think the app is absolutely necessary. While there is a button on the ring itself that will turn it on and off and cycle through the 10 different vibration modes, the button is tiny. And lube will make it really slippery so the button is really hard to press. The app, on the other hand, lets you play around with the settings in a more visual way. You won’t have stop the action and try to find the button on Pivot itself.”
Denise: “We’d better remind everyone that you can only use a water-based lube with a silicone toy like this.”
Ken: “Because I found Pivot too snug for me to wear, I decided to use it on a dildo. That way I could pleasure Denise, or she could pleasure herself while keeping the vibration constant on her clit. The vibration is both powerful and rumbly, just like we like it.”

Denise: “Yeah, when I use Pivot attached to a dildo I’m able to do more of a grinding motion as opposed to thrusting, which maintains more constant contact with my clit. And I leave the app manipulation to Ken.”
Ken: “I can slip Pivot over a couple of my fingers when I’m jerking off. And I leave the app manipulation to Denise.”

Full Review HERE!

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