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Clueless

Name: Josh
Gender: Male
Age:
Location:
About a month ago I fell in love with a girl in another country and tried the long distance thing. It was not the best relationship. Stupid I know now, but when you’re in love…
I am a very sexual person and well that’s the problem. I enjoy anal, and want to try some BDSM but I have no idea where to look for a girl like this. I want someone who can be wild but knows when to be a good girl. I have no idea where to look for a girl like this. I have tired online sites but I don’t like them. Been having no luck on them and I do better face to face. So any suggestions?

Ahhh, you sound like a real charmer, Josh. I love how you perpetuate the whole madonna/whore dichotomy. You want a bad girl in the bedroom and a good girl in…what the kitchen? Sheesh, it’s no wonder you’ve been striking out.madonna_whore

Before your begin your search for a playmate, learn how to talk to a potential partner about what you want. If you’re gonna continue to be all Neanderthal in your communication you mind as well pull the plug on this endeavor right now. Don’t know the first thing about asking for what you want or getting what you ask for? I have just the resource for you. Pardon the shameless self-promotion, but I think you should check out The Gospel of Kink.  I wrote it, in part, for people just like you. It’s a primer on how to start, build, and maintain kinky and alt culture relationships through effective communication.

When you begin your search for this illusive partner you’ll need to let go of your very outmoded way of thinking about women and their sexuality. No self-respecting woman is gonna even consider hookin up with you if they first get a whiff of your sexism. And this is especially true for sexually liberated women, like those in the madonna:whoreworld of kink and BDSM.

And just in case you don’t think the dichotomous madonna/whore mindset isn’t a put-down, imagine if a woman came on to you like that. I want a big-dicked stud in the bedroom who also makes six figures in the boardroom.

Next I’d want to know what you mean when you say; “I enjoy anal…” Do you mean you like to get butt fucked, or you like fuckin’ chicks in the ass? The answer to this question will determine where and how you look for partners.

Let’s say, just for the sake of argument, that it is you who wants to get fucked. More and more straight guys are gettin off on anal these days, ya know. I guess they’re discovering the joys of prostate stimulation, a thing the gays have known for fuckin’ forever. Anyhow, looking for a woman who knows her way around topping a man is pretty challenging; there aren’t a whole lot of them out there. Besides. it’s certainly not something most women would put in their online profile. You may be slightly more successful in your search if you put it out there. Perhaps you should make it real clear in your profile, that you like gettin’ pegged.

And here’s a tip: when you have special sexual needs, like the ones you have, Josh, you need to offer perspective partners something in return for their indulgence. Here’s where you need to understand the concept of “Give to Get?” You want something extraordinary? You’d better be willing to offer something extraordinary in return.men in pain

Start now by learning how to finesse the fuck you want. Like I said, most women are unaccustomed to being a top. And they’d feel pretty self-conscious with a strap-on. So in exchange for the unusual sex you are looking for, most women will want something in return. Most women would probably feel more comfortable exercising a kink in a relationship of some sort or another. Are you relationship material? Because if you are not the women you seek have little to gain from being kinky with you otherwise. You’re also gonna have to offer to buy your perspective partner the strap-on and/or all the other toys you might need to satisfy your pervy side.

Before you look to satisfying your special needs, I suggest that you first find out what turns your partner’s crank and get her warmed up before you spring your kink on her. Be prepared to do whatever it takes to make a lasting impression that you are not only in this for yourself. If it take some hugging, kissing and lots of oral sex…you’d better take care of business first. It’s the least you can do.

bondageRemember, there are all kinds of relationships — from fuck (pegging) buddies to marriage. Know how far you want to go to get the goodies you desire and then be straightforward with your perspective partner. If you lie or prevaricate just to get what you want; you are bigger asshole than I already think you are.

Now hookin up with the BDSM crowd will also be challenging, especially if you’re a novice and don’t know what the fuck you want. Here’s where I think you would do well to work with a professional dominatrix. Even if you ultimately want to be a Dom yourself, I suggest that you learn the ropes, as it were, at the foot of a pro. And don’t expect this education to be inexpensive. Once you’ve found the dominatrix of your dreams, ask her to introduce you to the local BDSM scene. And if you’re not a complete douche, she’ll probably be willing to do so.

Like I said, you will need an entree into the scene, and there’s no one better situated to help you gain entrance than someone well established in the community. If you play your cards right, you may find what you are looking for.

And last but not least, be a gentleman about all of this. You can screw up the whole mess if you don’t have your head in the right space. Power play, and that’s what where talking about when we’re talkin’ BDSM, is more about the mindset than the genitals.

Good luck

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

Name: Curt
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Location: Spokane
Ok, so I’m always self-conscious when I see a big cock. I wish I had a bigger one. I’m a virgin and don’t get girls or guys because I think they will judge me. See I have a 6″ cock and I think that’s small for my age. Should I get a pump or something? I don’t know what to do.

I know what you should do! And it’s not going out and getting yourself a pump either. Here’s what you do. Instead of obsessing about the size of your unit, invest your time, energy and any cash you might be hording away to waste on a penis enlargement scheme in something that will make you a more interesting person. Because that, my friend, is what’s gonna get you laid.big-cock20

Here’s the lowdown — throughout history, men have obsessed about the size of their cocks. And when there’s magnitude of attention paid to something so trivial, you can be sure there’s gonna be an entire industry poised to bilk the shit out of the willie worrisome, like you Curt. Hey, where do you suppose the term “snake oil” originated? Sheesh!

All of this unfortunate big-dick envy creates a never-ending parade of con artists tryin’ to sell a remedy, of one sort or another, to cure guys, just like you, of their “shame.” But, take it from Dr. Dick, the dick doctor; it’s all bullshit. And some of the bullshit is really scary and dangerous bullshit.

For every little peanut out there, (and if you are reporting your size accurately, you’re on the higher end of average) there is some kooky diet, ridiculous cream, bogus massage technique or worthless breathing exercise that is supposed to transform one’s mini-meat into the giant economy size. And let’s not forget the weights you can hang on your thang. Vacuum devices to pump up your thang. And of course the twenty-first century solution — cosmetic surgery — to put a happy face on your thang. The results are dubious if there are any results at all. And each has negative side effects, some of which are more revolting and/or dangerous than others.

Here’s the last word on this — don’t waste your money on any of this crap. Or better yet, send me the money, and I’ll put it to good use. Here’s the very best advice I can offer a guy who is unhappy with the size of his schlong…learn to love what ya got. Learn to use what ya got. And leave what ya got the hell alone.

Good luck

Name: JC
Gender: Male
Age: 40 something
Location: Seattle
Richard,
Here’s my question. You probably have already answered this a couple of times, but here goes anyway. How important is sex in a relationship between gay men? Do you think it’s ok to stay with someone even thought the sex is not good, or if it’s only good for one of the partners?

You’re right, I hear this question all the time, not just from gay men, but from all sorts of people.

sexless-relationshipsThe short answer to your query is; yes, lots of gay men (and folks of any other stripe too) stay together in healthy, loving, long-term relationships, even though the relationship (or marriage) is sexless. Most people in these relationships choose domestic tranquility over sexual tension. And sometimes the partners in these types of relationships give one another permission to pursue the sexual gratification they need and want outside the primary relationship.

That being said, there is certainly a large percentage of gay men (folks of any other stripe too) who could not, nor would they want to stay in a sexless, or one-sided relationship. And so the alternative, or satellite relationship, arrangement would not appeal to them.

To your final point about staying in a relationship when the sex is good for only one of the partners, well that’s a more troublesome. This suggests to me that the dissatisfied partner is frustrated and disappointed and that’s never a good foundation on which to build a relationship. My experience has been that when someone is living in one of these one-sided relationships the frustration will inevitably build to a point when all hell breaks loose. The ensuing explosion, more often than not, destroys the relationship.

I’ve worked with several such couples in the past. Some develop strategies for fixing the sexual problems that have come between them. These couples choose to work on building mutual sexual satisfaction into the relationship. And that can happen lots of different ways. Others couples decide that mutuality can never be achieved and so they choose to amicably end the relationship and move on.

Which kind of person are you? What kind of relationship do you have? I can scarcely say, given the limited information you share with me. I see you write from Seattle. If you want to talk about this sometime, make an appointment for a consultation. I’m sure I can make room for you. And anyone else in a similar predicament, regardless of where you live, my services are available to you too through Skype or by phone. Check out the Therapy Available tab in the header. It’s under the About Dr Dick tab.

Good luck

Nectar of the Gods

Ya’ll know that we’re taking a short break from podcasting, right? Good! This should keep you entertained till we return.

Name: steve
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Location: usa
hey there just wondered if there was a way to produce more pre-cum as my girlfriend really likes it.

Ya gotta love a chick that groves on some sweet precum, don’t cha know! Not everyone loves this nectar of the gods as much as some of us do. The curious thing about this stuff is that some guys have a load of it every time; others have little to none.

Precum, or pre-ejaculate as it is technically known is the product of the bulbourethral gland (or Cowper’s gland). This is part of our reproductive system, obviously. It is about the size of a pea and it sits just under the prostate gland behind a portion of the urethra at the base of our cock. And ya know what? Women have a similar, or holologous, gland called the Bartholin gland. Theirs is located in the inner lips of a their pussy and it provides lubrication during sex.

These glands (both the female and male type) get smaller, and thus less productive, as we age. That’s why the delicious treats, precum and pussy juice, are so hard to cum by (no pun intended) in us older folks.

Basically, these clear liquids are associated with the arousal stage of our sexual response cycle. In us guys, precum lubricates and helps clean out any urine or other foreign matter from our urethra that might impede, or worse, kill our very delicate sperm.

How does one increase precum production, if that’s even possible? Good question! One sure factor is to keep yourself well hydrated, which just makes sense, right? The more hydrated you are, the more liquids you’ll produce. Another factor may be to massage your cowper’s gland. The more you stimulate the gland, the more productive it’s likely to be.

How does one stimulate his Cowper’s gland, you might ask. Well then, I have the answer to that question too. Since our Cowper’s gland is just below our prostate, you stimulate your Cowper’s gland with a nice prostate massager. And guess what? We’ve reviewed a bunch of them on DrDickSexToyReviews.com. Check it out! Mozie on over to my site and look for the CATEGORY pull-down menu in the sidebar. Scroll down till you find the category — Prostate Massage. There are several pages of products and reviews. So knock yourself out.

Allow me to introduce you to a fine line of prostate massagers from the good people at Aneros.

If you’re a guy (or you know someone who is) and you have a butt hole (or the guy you know has one), I’ve got some swell news for YOU! I want to introduce you to three hands-free prostate and perineum massagers that have cum my way. I haven’t been this excited (literally and figuratively) about a line of adult products in a very long time.

Finally, someone got it right! The first thing I want to say about these Aneros products is they areb750.jpg designed and developed by folks who are as serious about prostate health as they are about prostate pleasure. Listen, I’m all in favor of toys that have no other purpose than to dispense a good dose of the jollies. But if a fella can pleasure himself AND do himself some good health-wise…all at the same time; well that just about beats the pants off diddlin’ just for fun.

Before we get down to actually landin’ these babies where the sun don’t shine; I have some general comments to make. Each Aneros product has a unique shape. And there’s a shape for every anal-pleasure experience level — from rank amateur to professional butt pirate.

They’re made of firm, durable, non-toxic plastic. They clean up in a jiffy. Warm water and a mild detergent do just fine. You can also sterilize them by dropping ‘em in boiling water for a couple of minutes. Hell, ya can even pop ‘em in the dishwasher too. What could be easier?

They have an ergonomic elegance about them. They actually remind me of a finely crafted medical device. No surprise there, I suppose; since each Aneros massager is the product of years of research and development. And just so you don’t think I’m pullin’ your leg — these are the only medically patented prostate massagers on the market.

Their Zen-like simplicity is a marvel in and of itself. There are no batteries to wear down, no wires to fumble with. These beauties works their magic in harmony with your body’s own movements. Just lifting or repositioning your leg, tensing your PC muscle, or rolling on your side will stimulate and invigorate your prostate and perineum in a slightly different way. It’s truly amazing. I discovered that if I did a few crunches while my Aneros massager was lodged within; what was previously a workout drudgery became a tingly delight.

Since I had three Aneros products to review, I decided to share the wealth, so to speak. I wanted to find three uninhibited men who were up for an afternoon of prostate pleasuring. I apparently know the right kind of guys, because the very first three fellas I invited jumped at the opportunity. And best of all, we covered the spectrum of anal play experience.

I told my visitors that we had one simple task — to agree or disagree with the Aneros claim that their stimulators increase one’s sexual performance and stamina, facilitate a stronger erection and enhance orgasmic pleasure. Before we set to work, however, I had to remind my friends that we gathered together and dropped our drawers purely in the name of science. So I insisted that they wipe those stupid grins off their faces right away! ;-)

Kevin — single, straight, 25 — was the youngest and least experienced among us. (He’s never had more than a finger in his ass.) He chose the Aneros MGX as his challenge. Despite it’s modest girth, he was still a bit apprehensive.

Glenn — partnered, gay, 33 — was the most experienced among us. He’s pretty smug about his talented ass and proudly identifies himself as a power-bottom extraordinaire. Initially he scoffed at all three stimulators. “Shit, I could take all three of them at once!” He proclaimed. I handed him the Aneros Progasm, the largest stimulator of the bunch, and told him to park his famous ass and shut his pie hole for the time being.

Carlos — married, “mostly straight,” 46 — has experimented with a couple of anal toys and would like to do more. He wants to get his wife involved too. However, he’s been having some prostate problems lately, so he was unsure how helpful he’d be. He got the Aneros Helix.

We shared our initial reactions to each product — how they looked and felt in our hand. We talked about what our expectations were, if any. We took note of the different shapes and the configuration of the Perineum Tab and K-Tab on each.

  • I gotta tell ya, we all were stumped by the K-Tab reference. I actually had to go to the Aneros website for an explanation. “Kundalini or “K-Tab” is supposed to add sensations up and down your spine similar to the sensations you’re feeling through your prostate.” Ok, the “Kundalini” reference is way too esoteric for me. I realize this is some kind of tantric reference, but please! Basically the K-Tab hits below your tailbone or coccyx. Sheesh!

c771.jpgNow that my guests and I are all comfortable and naked; the fun begins in earnest. Kevin realizes that he’s gonna need lube to insert his MGX. (Actually everyone needs lube for ass play of any kind. But ya’ll know that already, huh?) Unfortunately, Kevin was using a dainty amount of lube right on his pucker. I guess he thought that was gonna do the trick. He was oh so wrong! Listen up; ya gotta lube the whole chute, don’t cha’ know.

Glenn leaned over with one of the Marksman water-based lube shooters that came with the Aneros stimulators. He showed Kevin how to pop the top, insert the shooter stem to deep-lube his hole. “Ahhh, much better!” Kevin proclaimed. On his side with his lower leg straight and his upper leg cocked to his stomach, he tired to insert the MGX. But failed. I think he was pretty nervous and there was a fair amount of performance anxiety goin’ on too. It didn’t help that, we his audience, were looking on with great anticipation.

Carlos reached over and held Kevin’s upper leg, so he wouldn’t have to tense to hold the position. Then he said; “relax and breathe deep.” Kevin’s next try was successful. As soon as the MGX slipped into place, with its head knockin’ on his prostate, Kevin’s eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a whimper. “Damn! Holy Shit!”

Kevin was a little nervous about lowering his leg, because that movement slightly altered the position of the MGX. Each time he moved, he got a jolt of pleasure. Finally, he was able to roll on to his back and lowered his leg. I told him to do some Kegel exercises. “Tighten your P.C. muscle (like you would if your were trying to stop the flow of pee) and hold that contraction for a slow count of 3. Then relax. Next, contract and relax your P.C. muscle as rapidly as you can — like a flutter.”

Kevin was oozing precum like there was no tomorrow. He had a rock-hard hardon. Ok, so he’s 25, all his boners are rock-hard. He did say, however, that he was afraid to touch his cock, because he thought he’d shoot his load for sure if he did. And he didn’t want to cum right away. He wanted to ride all these new sensations he was having.

Carlos was next. He popped the top and administered his Marksman lube shooter like a pro. His previous experience with ass toys insured an effortless insertion. Maybe because of his enlarged prostate, the Helix hit home with a bang…as it were, and it took his breath away.

Carlos admitted that the experience was right on the edge of being uncomfortable at first. I reminded him that the good people at Aneros suggest that everyone take his time to acquaint his butt with one of their stimulators. “Ya gotta be patient, darlin’!” I insisted. “Your body needs a chance to get familiar with its new friend.”

Carlos worked through the initial discomfort with deep breathing, Kegels and yankin’ on his balls to move the sexual energy around. He too had a powerful hardon and more than the usual amount of precum. This surprised him. Because of his enlarged prostate, Carlos found that he needed to take a break and remove the Helix every once in a while. This was fine with him, because reinserting it was so much fun.

While Carlos and Kevin were riding their stimulators, Glenn was preparing himself for disappointment. He was sure his Progasm was gonna be a bust. He put on a cockring, because he assumed he would need one. No “little” insertable was gonna challenge his pro-hole or give him wood either…or so he thought.

Glenn’s poop chute devoured the Progasm like it was a snack. It slipped into place with an audible pop. We all giggled like schoolgirls. Sure enough, the girth of the Progasm was like playing house for him. What Glenn didn’t count on was the P-Tab and the K-Tab. These little numbers made all the difference in the world. None of his other ass toys had anything like this.

When Glenn could finally admit that bigger isn’t always better, he realized the potential of the Progasm. As every power- bottom will tell you — the secret to enjoying a big toy and/or a ferocious fuck is pelvic muscle control. If you keep your muscles (including your PC muscle) in tip-top shape, a wealth of pleasure awaits you. If you go loose in the caboose…so to speak, you pay the price in pleasure and sphincter control.

While the Progasm didn’t come close to “filling him up,” it did hit the spot. The P-Tab and the K-Tab riveted the Progasm head to his prostate while adding the additional stimulation of his “taint” (perineum) and spine. This was all new territory for Glenn. He found that he had to work at tightening his PC muscle around the more modestly sized Progasm shank. This exercised his muscles more; delivering more pleasure.

Glenn had to remove his cockring because his wood was gettin’ too intense. “Ok, I’m a believer. This thing is pretty fuckin’ amazing! I’m sold, big time!”

Our afternoon session ended in an explosive manner. After only 20 minutes with his MGX, Kevin couldn’t stand it any longer and popped a wad that hurled well over his shoulder. We all cheered him on as he writhed in delicious agony. (Funny how pleasure and pain register as the same on one’s face.) He pulled the plug from his ass and fought to catch his breath. As his dick softened it continued to dribble spooge into a pool near his navel. “This thing rocks!”

Carlos decided to finish himself off without the Helix in place. He said he liked the butt play a lot; it just became too intense as he neared orgasm. He finally gave up his spunk in three waves of bliss. He was surprised at the amount of cum he produced. He figured it was the prostate massage that milked more cum out of him. However, he reported that his prostate was very tender after the orgasm. He though he needed to take more time with the Helix or maybe try the MGX next time.

Meanwhile, Glenn was edging — playing with his sexual tension as he jerked off. He would come right up to the point of ejaculating, and then he’d suddenly let go of his dick. Its hardness would slap against his belly. When the urge to cum subsided he’d start to handle himself again. He said he could usually delay his ejaculation for an hour doing this. Not today, though. The Progasm altered his edging performance and brought him closer to cuming more frequently, until he finally let fly. He said edging usually makes for a more intense orgasm, but this time, with the Progasm pluggin his happy hole, he felt several mini orgasmic quakes before the big one hit. “Like I said, I’m sold!”

As my guests lay spent on the floor, I asked them to rate their particular Aneros product, on a scale of 1-10 — 10 being the highest. Kevin gave his MGX a 10.0. He was gonna go online and buy his own just as soon as he got home. Glenn was happy to be proven wrong. He gave the Progasm a 8.5. He thought he’d probably buy his own, as well. He asked if he could borrow the MGX for his partner, who never bottoms, to try. Carlos rated the Helix at 9.0, but his experience at 8.0. Like he said, I need more time to work with one of these things on my sensitive prostate. He wanted to introduce his wife to the concept and asked if he could borrow the Helix for some homework.

As for me, I tried all three stimulators, I found the Helix fit me best. I sympathized with Carlos and the trouble he has with his enlarged prostate. I know the feeling. Lots of men our age and older are similarly troubled. However, I am discovering that a regular routine of Aneros prostate massage therapy is making a big difference. It’s assisting me in achieving better pelvic muscle tone and increasing oxygen-rich blood flow. This is reducing the size of my prostate and making my erections firmer. Firmer erections mean more sensitivity. And greater sensitivity means more pleasure. It’s a win-win situation all around.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a fierce advocate for prostate self-awareness. At the risk of generalizing from my experience, I’d say there’s a very good chance that regular use of an Aneros stimulator will facilitate prostate health and vitality in most men. And a healthy prostate, increased blood flow and added muscle control are the kingpins of powerful orgasms, rejuvenated sexual ability, and stamina, as well as a stiffer cock. So, like I said; “if a fella can pleasure himself AND do himself some good health-wise…all at the same time; well that just about beat the pants off just diddlin’ just for fun.”

ENJOY!

Willie Worry & Willie Pride

Name: Matilda
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Location: Puerto Rico
I’m trying to understand something. All the guys I know are so obsessed with their penis. It’s like the whole world revolves around what they have in their pants. This is so different from how women relate to their genitals. I just can’t understand how men and women can be so different. What gives?

I suppose the short answer is that men have external genitals and women have internal genitals. We also have way more cultural permissions to explore their bodies then women do. That pretty much sets the stage for everything else.

jon-hamm's-hamOf course this is a double-edged sword, so to speak. At every stage of life there’s a potential downside to our pal’s perpetual presence. Familiarity can, and often does, breed contempt. The delicate dance we do with our dick can suddenly go out of balance. Admiration can turn to contempt and pride of ownership can morph into pangs of inadequacy. This predicable human tendency gives rise to as much willie worry as willie pride.

That’s why most men are obsessed with their johnson. But how do we get that way, you might wonder? Well your question got me to thinking about how us men folk form this particular relationship with our unit. So I started to jot down some thoughts on us men and our meat.

Nothing quite captures a man’s imagination like his cock. Its size, shape and general appearance is a source of endless wonderment to each of us. Maybe it’s because our buddy is always right there, just hanging around waiting for a little attention. And let’s face it, we are always checkin’ it out, right? We’re forever giving it a little tug, playing a little pocket pool, adjusting it for a bit more comfort. It keeps us company when we are alone and we never leave the house without it. It’s perfectly natural for us to grab hold of our unit several times a day simply to relieve ourselves. And, who among us, while it’s right there in our hand, doesn’t stop for a moment and admire its many attributes.

Our fascination begins at birth. Hey, did you know that we are born sexually aroused? (Women are too, but that’s another story.) That’s right, our infant stiffy is loaded for pleasure from day one.New-baby-boy-weight-11-pounds

Babyhood is spent figuring out the complexities of our body and gaining control over all our moving parts. We kick our legs, flail our arms, and outstretch our hands and fingers to test their capacities and develop muscle coordination. Then, one fateful day, our spasmodic movements suddenly bring our fingers in contact with our little baby penis. In an instant we make a mental note of this startling connection, how this particular touch equals delicious pleasure, and a life-long friendship begins.

Some social scientists suggest that our desire to purposely reconnect with our penis, to repeat the pleasurable sensations that occurred when first we accidentally brushed-up against our cock, is one of the most powerful motivators for further self-discovery and the development of motor skills. “If touching this part gives me this much pleasure, I wonder what else on my body will do the same?” How innocent we once were!

Babyhood gives way to boyhood and our favorite toy leads the way. We spend hours mindlessly fondling ourselves. Simply placing our hand on our dick can calm us when we are anxious as well as gives us a sense of overall wellbeing. Mastering our pee sessions, which takes quite a bit of clever hand/eye/penis coordination, is cause for great joy among the grown-ups. But negative messages are also beginning to seep in; and some are none too subtle. “Leave it alone!” That’s dirty!” “Put some cloths on!” Someone is always trying to get between our buddy and us.

relievingIn time we notice that we’re not alone, other boys and men have a joystick too. Along with our natural curiosity come the inevitable comparisons. “His looks different.” Wow, that’s big.” But almost immediately, we learn that checkin’ out another dude’s package is not just bad, but it’s real bad. Of course this doesn’t make us stop, we just learn how to do it on the sly. The prohibition against looking, coupled with our natural curiosity make for a potent, but dangerous mix.

Puberty arrives with all kinds of surprises, not least of which is the discovery that Mr. Wonderful suddenly has a mind of his own. His unruly behavior is often an embarrassment: stirring to life and tenting in our pants at the most awkward moments. At the same time, we also discover new and exquisite pleasures. Our gun is now loaded. The incessant build up of sexual tension throws us into a frenzy of masturbation. We begin to beat our meat like it owes us money. We spurt and spew with wild abandon. Well, until we’re busted by the grown ups, that is. In short order waves of repression from everywhere begin layer on guilt and shame. What was once such a natural a part of life has now become this great big conflict.

Our hormones rage and the dictates of biology press upon us with a counter force to the repression. Navigating this minefield is a huge challenge, especially when we haven’t a clue what’s happening to us or how to control it. Sex information is sparse when there’s any at all. And most of what we hear is woefully unreliable. The information we get comes mostly from older boys, who are more knowledgeable than us. They hint at pleasures and intimacies we’ve yet to discover. They boast of their conquests, of bustin’ a nut, of big schlongs and wet pussies. The message becomes clear; the bigger your buddy the happier and more successful you’ll be at baggin’ the chicks.morning-wood

Adulthood is a mixed bag for our dick and us. Being a grownup has its privileges. There are fewer people around to dictate our behaviors, but there is also loads of worry and stress. And we soon discover that our cock is the first to suffer. Pressures to mate, to make money, and compete with rival males for status, power and position take their toll. The privileges of being an adult — fast living, late hours, a poor diet, alcohol and drug consumption soon lead to, burn out, sleep deprivation, weight gain, medical problems and a host of prescription medications.erection comics

Our old buddy is in rebellion. Maybe he’s retaliating for the pressures we’ve placed on him, or the fact that we pay him less and less attention till we call him up for active duty. And then we expect him to perform like he did when we were lads. Fickle and stubborn as always, Mr Wonderful refuses to comply.

Our golden years are marked by more time for ourselves, but there’s also less autonomy. Our body doesn’t respond as it once did, or even like it did a few years earlier. While the pressures of life diminish, and a kind of peace settles in, medical problems proliferate. Happily, our hormones no longer rule us. But despite the quieting of our passions there is always desire.

All our life we’ve equated performance and stamina with virility and potency, but now our once vibrant buddy seems downcast, listless and decidedly unresponsive.

And that’s why us men have such an obsession with our cock, Matilda. It’s virtually impossible not to.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Is there a doctor in the house?

Hey sex fans,

I know I promised you a Q&A podcast for today, but I’m afraid I must disappoint. I’ve been experiencing technical difficulties all weekend long, so this charming exchange between me and a nervous mother will have to satisfy you till I can pull together the next podcast…this coming Wednesday, 12/05/12, I hope.

Name: Nora
Gender: female
Age: 26
Location: Mane
My husband and I are having a little problem with our 5-year-old son. He’s very bright and inquisitive and we encourage that in him. However, we’ve caught him playing doctor with playmates, twice in two months. Once with a 4 year old neighbor girl and most recently, a 6-year-old boy from his school. How do we handle this? We don’t want to stifle his inquisitive nature, nor do we want to send him the message that sex is bad or dirty. We weren’t raised like that and we don’t want to raise our son like that either. At the same time, he can’t continue to do this. If other parents discover this, there could be trouble. What do you think? Thanks.

Ya gotta love the curiosity and innocence of children, but I certainly understand your concern.

Reading your message took me back to one of my earliest memories. I must have been about the same age as your son at the time. A neighborhood boy, who was slightly younger than me, and I were playing in a vacant lot near our homes. We made a little fort in the tall grass. And there, out of the blue, I suggested that he, the neighbor boy, pull down his pants so that I could take his temperature with this little stick I was holding. He was perfectly compliant and, like it was an everyday thing, he bent over and I stuck the twig in his bum. I remember taking careful note of his little peepee in the process. He had one, just like me, which was a totally different configuration than my baby sisters. I had taken note of that when I watched my mother change their diapers. I remember thinking to myself, my god that is so weird. But I digress. The gist of the story is that I was a very inquisitive lad, just like your son. And the opportunity check out the neighbor kid was, just that…an opportunity to satisfy my curiosity.

A couple days later, pretty much out of the blue, my dad took me aside for a little chat. He asked me about my play with the neighbor kid. I wasn’t quite sure what he was referring to. Ya see the “doctor” incident didn’t register with me as particularly significant, or all the memorable. It just was what it was. But it sure did register with a nosy neighbor lady who witnessed the whole thing. Apparently she told my mother, my mother told my father and now he was telling me. You have to remember, this was the mid-1950s, so sexual experimentation at any age was a lot more taboo than it is today, or even when you and your hubby were kids.

To my father’s credit he wasn’t hysterical, but he was very firm. I got the unambiguous message that this sort of behavior was not OK. It’s funny, had no one seen me and the neighborhood kid in our innocent play, the incident wouldn’t have registered with me at all. I probably had the same level of interest in the kid as I would have seeing an interesting bug, or catching a glimpse of a rabbit or raccoon. It filled the moment, and then it was gone.

Like I said, despite my father’s mild manner, I did get the clear message that what I did crossed some line, a line that I didn’t even know existed beforehand. My father’s talk managed to instill a sense of shame where there was none before. And I remember realizing that my behavior wasn’t just wrong, like if I had hit someone, but it bad, like sinful. And even at that age, I understood to some degree what sin was. I had visions of Jesus and his blessed mother up in heaven crying their little hearts out over my indiscretion. So now, along with the shame I began to feel guilt.

Of course, even if my “doctor” play hadn’t been discovered at age 5 there certainly were dozens of subsequent opportunities for me to get the hardball message that sex was dirty and sinful — not just touching but even dwelling on the subject was enough to send one to hell. There simply was no escaping that fifty some years ago. Are things fundamentally different today? Probably not fundamentally! There are, no doubt, more parents these days who, like yourselves, are more enlightened than when I was a kid. But let’s face it; the predominant culture is still very sex-negative.

One of the biggest mistakes parents make when they are faced with the kind of situation you refer to, Nora, is they impose adult motivations onto their kid’s behavior. For the most part, young children don’t have a sense of shame about their bodies, nor do they have a highly developed sense of the personal space of another person. When their curiosity about their body and the bodies of others, both children and adults, turns to touching and exploration, it has no sexual connotation like we grown-ups understand.

Some years ago, I said much the same thing at a church sponsored workshop for parents. A mother in the audience stood up to tell me that I was all wet about this. She said she knew for sure that her pre-adolescent son had a sense of guilt about fondling himself, because when she caught him doing it one day he looked very guilty. Well, duh! But when we discussed the occurrence further, we were able to discover the truth. I asked her, to describe the situation. She said, “I happened to see my son, through the partially open door to his room. It was just after his bath. He was sitting on his bed touching himself impurely.” I had to chuckle at her vocabulary, but I asked her to proceed with her story. She said, “naturally, I threw open the door and said; ‘what in the world are you doing?’” I said, in a somewhat mocking tone; “Yes, naturally!”

I wasn’t hard to imagine the scene she was describing, because she was pretty agitated by just retelling the story. I could visualize the bedroom door flying open, her stomping into the room, hands on her hips, eyes glaring, nostrils flared, her voice pitched high. What she saw in her young son’s face was not shame; it was fright. I told her that she was the cause of the panic in his face. I explained that if she had barged in to his room that way, with her threatening body language and her “what in the world” screech while he was on his knees saying his bedtime prayers, the kid would have had the same look of alarm, which she interpreted as guilt. I also confronted the woman about the issue of privacy. Listen parents, even young children need and deserve their privacy. You don’t want to see embarrassing things? Avoid the temptation to walk in on your kids without knocking first.

The reason I tell you all of this, Nora, is I want you to realize that the way you address your son’s behavior is probably more important than what you actually tell him. If you approach the discussion all worried, or distressed, or alarmed, or agitated; you can be assured that your body language will tell him all he needs to know, even before you speak your first word.

If your son’s behavior doesn’t course correct all by itself, which it probably will, my advice is schedule a little family meeting. The key here is that you’ll want to talk about several things besides the bothersome behavior. You might bring up school, putting away his toys, playing doctor with the neighbors, and helping with some of the household chores. You’ll notice that the more difficult subject is couched between more mundane concerns. This will help keep the sexual issue properly situated…as part of everyday life.

When you ask him about his “doctor” play, and if you do it in a casual sort of way, he will probably tell you all about it as if he were telling you about his other play. My guess is he is not yet made the distinction between types of play. You might ask him why he’s playing this particular game. Maybe even ask him what he discovered, if anything. Once this part is over and you have some information about his motivation, you could add your perspective…the adult perspective. Here’s where you get to explain that some parts of our bodies are private. And now that he’s getting bigger he needs to understand the difference between public and private. You could make the distinction between bad and inappropriate — his play is not bad, just out of place. I’d be willing to guess that he already has a grasp on this concept.

You may not even have to tell him not to do it again. You could tell him that if he thinks he wants to play “doctor” again, he should ask for your permission. In the same way he would have to ask your permission to cross a busy street or stay at a friends house for lunch.

If after the family meeting you think you and your husband didn’t get it precisely right, just let it go. If the behavior continues you’ll have another opportunity to get it right. Here’s a tip, if you guys casually talk about body things, like personal hygiene…particularly if your son is uncut…on a regular basis you’ll have a foundation on which to build more complicated sex related discussions in the future.

Finally, keep all sex related talks firmly grounded in every day life. One good way of doing that is use examples from nature and apply it to human behavior.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

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