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Raising Sex-Positive Kids

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My daughter is 12 years old, and she has already been groped. It happened at a local water park last summer in the wave pool, the kind of swimming pool where mechanically generated waves simulate the swell of the ocean. As one wave lifted her up, she felt the hand of a teenage boy grabbing her bikinied butt. How strange, she thought. It must have been a mistake; maybe the wave had carried him into her. Yet the same thing happened to her 11-year-old friend who was swimming nearby. Then they heard two more girls remarking loudly that the boy had touched them, too. Apparently, this young man was groping every female buttock in the pool like he was testing for ripe fruit at the farmers’ market. Soon, the two lifeguards on duty were frantically blowing their whistles. The waves stopped and the red-handed boy, standing by the lifeguard station with his father, was told to leave the water park immediately.

While the news that my young daughter had been groped horrified me, I couldn’t have imagined a better outcome. She was with a friend and her friend’s mother, able to share and process the experience and even laughed about it a little. More important, the teenage offender was caught, confronted, and suffered the consequences. He was publically shamed for his stupid and intrusive acts, as he deserved to be. And yet, my girl had been groped. She had been initiated into the world of women everywhere who are plagued by men behaving badly. Or in the words of a recent “Saturday Night Live” skit, “Welcome to Hell.”

The recent spate of news stories about women (and some men) being sexually harassed in the entertainment industry and in politics may be painful to witness, but it’s also liberating. The #metoo movement has broken the code of silence and unleashed a formidable backlash against many men who have unfairly wielded their power. Women and men are talking; mothers and fathers are talking. And many of us are wondering: How did we get here, and how can we stem the tide of sexual misconduct for the generations to come? How can we do things a little more mindfully so that we can raise girls who are empowered and expressive, and boys who are enlightened and empathetic?

A True Yes and a True No

Alicia Muñoz, a psychotherapist and couples’ counselor based in Falls Church, Virginia, sees one solution in the growing trend toward raising sex-positive kids. “Sex positive” is a relatively new buzz-phrase that’s gaining traction in the therapy world and beyond. “It’s about helping your children grow up with a sense of sexuality as a natural, normal, healthy, pleasurable part of being alive, of being a human being,” says Muñoz. “That’s easier said than done, especially in a culture that is so weighted toward sex negativity and gender biases and power differentials that are unfair. It’s a tall order, but an important thing.”

One essential message of sex positivity is that any sexual activity, and any touching of body parts, should be consensual. “Taking the shame out of sexuality is part of what provides a foundation for the awareness of consent,” says Muñoz. “It’s being able to grow up in an environment where you’re not ashamed of your own sexuality, or of sexuality in general. That’s part of what empowers you to have a voice, and having a voice means you’re connected to your right to give a true yes or a true no in different situations, including sexual ones. And on the other side of it, you’re primed to respect another’s true yes or true no when you view sex as a positive, integral, normal part of being human.”

Raising kids to be sex positive is a lifestyle that begins at the onset of parenthood. Many parents worry about when to have “the talk” with their children, but, in a sense, we’re already talking about sex to our kids before they have language. “From the moment they’re born, babies and kids are receiving data related to sex and sexuality and gender—through their senses, touch, longings, hunger, their relationship to their body, and their parents’ or caregiver’s relationships to their bodies,” says Muñoz. Yet the time will come when children want to put sex into words they can understand. And the sex-positive way for parents is to start talking about sex as soon as a child starts asking about it. “When a child asks a question, even if that child is just two and a half or three, you answer it in simple, true language,” says Muñoz. “You call a vulva a vulva, a penis a penis. You don’t call it a wee-wee or a pee-pee or another nickname. You show that, even in the naming of body parts, there’s no need to hide it.”

While the goal is to remove any negativity and evasiveness from sexuality, it’s important not to take the message too far and give your child more than he or she is ready to handle. Talk about sex should be age-appropriate, keeping in mind what young brains need. “Little kids need short-sentence explanations rather than long lectures,” says Muñoz. “For a four-year-old who asks where babies come from, a short answer might be that babies are created by a man and a woman giving each other a special kind of hug.” Yet with sex positivity, the aim is to always expand the lens of sexuality and give a sense of inclusiveness beyond limited cultural norms or biases. So, parents might want to add that some babies are created by a man’s seed that’s put with the help of a doctor into a woman, and then that baby might be raised by two men, or it might be raised by two women. Then no matter which path the child takes later in terms of sexual preference or gender identity, the stage is set for a sense of normalcy and acceptance from the outset.

Following Your Child’s Lead

With so much buzz about sexual harassment and assault in the news and popular culture, parents may wonder how to talk about such heavy issues with their children—and how to protect them from the bullying and power imbalances that start as early as elementary school. “Most kids don’t pay attention to what happens in the news, so in terms of discussing something disturbing with your child, it’s best to wait until the child raises up the issue themselves,” says Stanley Goldstein, PhD, a child clinical psychologist based in Middletown and the author of several books including Troubled Children/Troubled Parents: The Way Out 2nd edition (Wyston Books, 2011). The idea is to follow the child’s lead; equally important is to speak with them rather than to them, even when you’re laying down guidelines designed to keep them safe—such as explaining to your teenage daughter why you don’t want her to walk alone at night.

“It’s crucially important not to say to a child or teenager, ‘Do this because I say so.’ If you do that, then you repress the capacity for abstract thinking. Instead, say, ‘Do it because…’ and express your concerns. Explain that the world is generally a safe place, but you have to be cautious. If you feel that they’re not ready to do certain things, tell them no and tell them why.” While many parents believe that the major influence for teenagers is their peer group, Goldstein posits that the major influence for healthy teenagers remains the parents. “They might say, ‘Joey does this, so why can’t I do it?’ They might give you a hard time, but they’ll appreciate it. There’s nothing worse for a child than feeling like their parent doesn’t care.”

In the same spirit, parents are modeling behaviors to their children all the time, without speaking. Empathy is not something that you can inculcate into a child, but they’ll develop the capacity for it through osmosis, says Goldstein. “If the child sees a healthy interaction between the parents, sees them supporting each other and talking about their feelings, they’ll grow up with these kinds of capacities. Empathy is something that really derives from the family experience.” Yet some things do need to be put into words, and in a world where sexual misconduct is rampant, therapists tend to agree about one thing to tell your kids unequivocally: “The hard and fast rule is that you don’t have the right to put your hands on someone else, period. And no one should put their hands on you. Period.”

The Power of Speaking Out

Parents are not the only influencers; cultural messaging is very powerful as well. Terrence Real, a psychotherapist who wrote I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner, 1998) and other books, says that boys lose their hearts when they’re five or six, and girls lose their voices when they’re 11 or 12. “Five or six is when the socialization process starts to really impact boys as they get shamed for doing things they were allowed to do when they were younger,” says Muñoz. “They might be called weak or girly. So, when you have a boy, how do you keep him connected to his heart yet still have him belong in his circle of peers? How do you keep your girls raising their hands in class rather than becoming wallflowers? How do you keep them speaking up when the society says that if you speak up you’re a bitch, or you’re not as attractive?”

Expressiveness in girls is crucial to encourage for two main purposes: their ability to share difficult experiences, and their empowerment in speaking out and defending themselves. “Letting your child lead the conversation, or lead the play when they are younger, creates a space where your child trusts you to share things such as, ‘Oh, one of the boys grabs my behind at school’ or ‘I saw a video with naked people on the internet.'” Parents can practice not reacting in fear or letting their anxiety show, but opening a space to calmly help and guide them. In turn, some self-defense teachers have girls practice yelling on the top of their lungs and using their voice, so if they are assaulted or groped in the subway or on the street, they can call attention to the perpetrator and get help if help is needed.

To raise sex-positive kids requires some work from the parents, and not all of it is easy. If a parent has any sexual trauma or abuse in their own past, it’s essential for them to be willing to face and work through it, not only for their own sake but for their children’s sake. Otherwise, says Muñoz, “In your well-intentioned desire to protect your children, you’re going to be communicating a lot of sex-negative messages to them.” Another challenge for parents is resisting the impulse to impose their power as adults over their children in everyday interactions. “What they learn there is, ‘Oh, I have to obey somebody more powerful than me even if it doesn’t feel good,'” says Muñoz. “Not telling your child they have to obey isn’t the same thing as having the inmates run the asylum. Instead it’s telling them, ‘I’m with you. We work as a team.'”

Complete Article HERE!

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Fun Where The Sun Don’t Shine!

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Hey sex fans!

It’s our first Product Review Friday of the new year. So HURRAY for that!

This week we have another wonderful product from our good friends over at We-Vibe. As you probably know, they have been part of this review effort since 2008 when we reviewed our first product of their line. Since then we’ve happily reviewed several of their others.

To keep track of all our reviews of the amazing products coming from We-Vibe, use the search function in the sidebar of DrDickSexToyReviews.com, type in We-Vibe, and PRESTO!

Back by popular demand, here are Dr Dick Review Crew members, Jack & Karen, to show and tell.

We-Vibe Ditto Vibrating Butt Plug —— $75.42

Jack & Karen
Karen: “Back by popular demand? Well, that one way of looking at it.”
Jack: “We begged and begged, is more like it.”
Karen: “We were so happy to be invited back to the Review Crew after so many years in the wilderness. And to come back just in time to review a marvelous We-Vibe product; well we were over the moon.”
Jack: “Hey, why not tease our audience with some of the particulars before passing judgment?”
Karen: “Sorry! It’s just that I love this little thing; I couldn’t help myself. Let me catch my breath and begin with the packaging, which I love. Whoops, I did it again.”
Jack: “OK, time out for you. I’ll do the packaging. Like all We-Vibe products the packaging is first rate, stylish, but understated. A nice petite cardboard box featuring an image of the Ditto opens to reveal your Ditto and it’s remote. A USB charger cable, a small packet of lube, instructions and a storage bag are nestled under the toy.”
Karen: “Oh My God! I said when I first saw it. It’s a butt plug!”
Jack: “My wife is so freakin’ clever!”
Karen: “This would be my first foray into the world of anal pleasuring and I was a wee bit nervous.”
Jack: “But she persevered!”
Karen: “You’re so funny. Listen, I don’t want to get ahead of myself again. So I’ll slow down. You already know that the Ditto is rechargeable, since Jack mentioned the USB charger cable. Well, it’s super easy to charge and charging it for 90 minutes will give you 2 hours of playtime. The Ditto is made from smooth, seam-free velvety, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone with a matt finish. It’s totally waterproof too. And since this is gonna go where the sun don’t shine, so to speak, the water based lube sample packet will come in very handy. You’ll want to stock up on water-based lube if you don’t have a cupboard full, like we do, because every time you use the Ditto you’ll want to use some. Remember, your butthole isn’t like your vagina; there is no natural lubrication down there.”
Jack: “The Ditto is quite petite. It has an insertable length of approximately 3 inches and a circumference of just over 3.5 inches making it, in my opinion the perfect plug for someone who in interested in investigating anal play. While it was too petite for me, it was perfect for Karen. The Ditto is remote controlled and there’s an app for it too. We downloaded the We-Vibe Connect app from our app store. We then turned on the bluetooth function on our phone, pressed the power button on the Ditto, which is found on the base of the toy, and PRESTO. Once the app finds the Ditto it will buzz to life. The app is fantastic because you can see battery levels, choose patterns and speeds and you can even make your own patterns. The Ditto comes preset with 10 modes so, even if you don’t have a smart phone, you can still enjoy the delightful sensation the Ditto offers right out of the box.”

Karen: “Don’t forget about the remote! The remote is the bomb. It’s what makes the Ditto so much fun to use by one’s self or with a partner. It is a small battery powered remote and lets you move back and forth between vibration modes and allows the user to adjust the intensity of the vibrations. Another thing, most butt plugs on the market have a round or anchor shape base, but the Ditto has this unique L-shaped base. I think the L-shape makes the Ditto more comfortable to use and more secure once it’s in place.”
Jack: “I know Karen has already mentioned this, but it bears repeating. If you’re new to anal play, please use a generous amount of lube. Be sure to lube up both your ass and the Ditto before inserting it. And GO slow. So many people try anal play for the first time, do something wrong, like going too fast, or not using enough lube, and they hate the experience. Thus ruling out all future bum fun and pleasure because they weren’t careful. Don’t let that happen to you. I promise you; do things right and you will be in heaven as soon as the vibrations start.”
Karen: “Yep, that’s what happened to me the first time out with the Ditto. After a few sessions of solo play, I was ready to partner up with Jack. Jack wore a much larger plug and I had my Ditto. It was grand. Jack said he could feel vibrations from the Ditto through my vagina. What fun!
Jack: “Because the Ditto is waterproof and made of silicone it’s super easy to clean. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. But you can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. But get this; we wanted to see how well this thing was made so we dropped it into a pot of boiling water for a couple of minutes to actually sterilize it. It stood up that like a pro. Then we ran it trough the dishwasher and that didn’t phase it either. This thing is made to last.”

Karen: “Remember, you can only use a water-based lube with a beautiful silicone toy like this. A silicone-based lube would mar the finish, and you certainly don’t want that.”
Jack: “The Ditto delivers deep, powerful, and rumbly vibrations. They are amazingly strong for such a small toy. I was actually quite surprised.”
Karen: “The sweet little drawstring storage pouch that is included in the package makes the Ditto perfect for travel. I am so stoked about the innovative design, its power, and how quiet it is. It gets my highest recommendation.”

Full Review HERE!

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Backdoor Action

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Name: Leonel
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Location: DC
How much wear and tear does anal sex cause to the rectum? Are there long-term hazards other than the chance of infection from poor hygiene?

As we all know by now, ass play is not just for the gays any more. And while there have been strong taboos surrounding anal sex in the past, mainly because ass fuckin’ was associated with homosexuality, these taboos are finally and rapidly breaking down. And not a moment too soon!

It is important to remember that while some people find the idea of cornholein’ repugnant, others find it stimulating, exciting, and a normal part of their sexual intimacy. And since all of us have assholes and each one comes equipped with a load of pleasure-giving nerve endings, people of both genders and all sexual persuasions are discovering the joys of anal play. Be it a finger, a dildo, pegging, a butt plug or a good old-fashioned dick-in-the-ass fucking; ass play all the rage.

Studies suggest that somewhere between 50 – 60% of gay men have anal sex on a regular basis. A slightly small percent of straight folks are now experimenting with butt play. Commercially produced porn, particularly of the straight variety, is now brimming over with back door action. Curiously enough, only a few years ago, this was a relatively rare fetish. Now it’s like totally mainstream. Funny how things like that change so quickly.

In terms of wear and tear and long-term hazards, I’d say that if you treat your hole with the respect it deserves; you can be sure that it will give you a lifetime of pleasure. But be aware that different sexually charged orifices — asshole, mouth, cunt — have different tolerance levels for what they can endure. We’d all do well to respect these individual limits.

The first thing to say about anal sex, particularly casual butt-fucking, is always use a condom and use lots of water-based lubricant. This will be your front line protection against HIV and other STI’s. Your ass is a very receptive place, but the tissues therein are also pretty delicate. It’s not uncommon to develop cuts and fissures that can become infected if a modicum of care isn’t used during ass play — with yourself or another. That’s why Dr Dick always suggests that you get to know your hole and its limits before your share your be-hind with someone else.

A man’s ass has something very unique that a chick’s ass does not have. It’s his prostate. We’ve talked a lot about this in the past, but here’s a brief overview. A guy’s prostate is a small walnut-shaped gland a couple inches inside his hole. When massaged by a finger, dildo or a cock it is the source of incredible sensations. Even though women don’t have a prostate, anal stimulation can be just as pleasurable for them. Some women say they get the best g-spot stimulation through anal play. One word of caution though; gals, be sure to keep whatever you’ve had in your ass — fingers, toys, what have you — out of your pussy. To do otherwise, will invite a yeast infection, like candida, don’t ‘cha know.

Because the inside of our ass and rectum don’t have the same sort of sensory nerve endings that we have on our skin, we can damage our innards by inserting sharp or rough objects in our ass. So always trim your fingernails before playing with yourself or others.

Never put anything up your ass that could slip in and get caught behind your anal sphincter. Your toys should be long enough, have a flared end, or a handle that you can keep hold of. Of course, never insert anything in your bum that could break.

I always recommend that the novice ass fucker start his or her ass exploration with a finger or two. This cuts down on the expense of buying toys, at least until you discover if you like this kind of play or not. Once you’ve got the hang of digital stimulation and you’ve discovered all the joy spots you can reach, you can move on to the vast array of toys and implements that are especially designed for your butt pleasure. If you’re stumped by what toys to buy, check out my Product Review site or my Sex Toy Awareness feature for some ideas. Of course your ass play may include a nice stiff cock, but it doesn’t have to.

Good Luck

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A Mighty Fine G-Spot Pleasure Tool

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Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday once again. And this week we have another product from the German company, OVO Lifestyle Toys.

To keep track of all our OVO Lifestyle Toys reviews, here’s what you do. Use the search function in the header of DrDickSexToyReviews.com, type in OVO, and PRESTO!

Today’s product is reviewed by two of the Dr Dick Review Crew veterans, Kevin & Gina.

Ovo E3 G Spot Vibrator —— $39.99

Kevin & Gina
Gina: “Here we go again!”
Kevin: “Today we bring you a very nice g-spot vibe from the German company, Ovo. It has the slightly unremarkable name, E3.”
Gina: “Sounds like a model of BMW. Not particularly sexy. But, I suppose a rose by any other name…”
Kevin: “Right! Call a thing whatever you want, just make sure it does what it’s supposed to.”
Gina: “And the Ovo E3 G Spot Vibrator does deliver.”
Kevin: “Before Gina tells you about the vibe itself I want to comment on the packaging. The E3 come in a very nice gift box. There is an outer sleeve, which features a picture of the E3, and an inner light grey box, with the words Ovo Lifestyle Toys on it. This box holds the black and clear plastic clamshell insert, which holds the vibe in place. The box claps shut with magnets. It’s attractive without being ostentatious. There’s also a USB charger cable and an OVO product catalog and ‘quick start guide’ included.”
Gina: “As stylish as the packaging is, that’s only the beginning. Here are some of the highlights of the E3 itself. Like all g-spot vibes there is an enlarged flat head for optimized g-spot massage. It has a powerful motor. It’s made of seamless, body-safe silicone. It features an illuminated, touch-sensitive dial, which makes adjusting the 5-vibe patterns and 3-power levels very easy. It’s completely waterproof and it rechargeable. It even comes with a 15-year warranty.”
Kevin: “The E3 recharges via a USB connection. There’s a pin that plugs into a port on the bottom of the vibe. You have to really push to get it through the silicone, but once it’s in, it charges quickly. When the vibrator is charging, the light in the middle of the controls flashes. When it is fully charged, the light remains static”
Gina: “You press the middle button on the control panel to turn the E3 on; the button will light up. To start the vibrations you press the up button and then you can scroll up or down through the unique pulsation patterns. But as the controls are right where I grip the vibrator to thrust, it’s very easy to inadvertently change the speed or pattern mid thrust. That’s kind of frustrating. While the flat head is great for g-spot stimulation and can also be used externally for clitoral stimulation.”

Kevin: “As Gina already said, the E3 is covered is covered in a velvety, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. And because it is waterproof it’s a breeze to clean. Submerge it into the sink with mild soap and warm water and scrub it down a bit. Then let it air dry. Or you can just wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize it for sharing. And because E3 is also 100% waterproof, it’s the ideal toy for bath or shower.”
Gina: “However, make sure you use only a water-based lubricant with E3.”
Kevin: “I can recommend the E3 for butt play too. There’s just enough flare on the handle or base to make it safe for anal play. So if you don’t have a g-spot, but you do have a p-spot, (prostate) this is a great pleasure product for you.”

Gina: “For some reason there is a huge disparity in the cost of the E3. We looked around the web and saw it for as little as $39 and as expensive as $99. I don’t know why that is, but I encourage you to shop around if you plan to buy.”
Kevin: “Gina and I liked just about everything about E3. It’s a great g-spot toy for newbies as well as veterans, like us. The sleek look, the body-safe materials, it being waterproof and rechargeable makes this product a great addition to any toy collection”

Full Review HERE!

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How sex with a small penis can actually give you more pleasure – and how to tell your partner you have one

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Only a small number of men have a micropenis, and it’s not necessarily bad news for their sex life

By Zahra Mulroy

Penis size is the butt of many a joke, and, wrongly, nothing will elicit a titter more than the mention of a micropenis

With 0.6 per cent of the male population affected, they remain comparatively uncommon, but the physical and psychological repercussions can be serious and the cause of much anguish.

There’s undeniably a stigma attached: “Size matters” , you’re less of a man if you have one, your partner will get no enjoyment out of sex with you – the list goes on.

But having a micropenis isn’t necessarily the dire news it’s assumed to be – at least, according to sex therapist Elizabeth McGrath .

McGrath counsels clients with micropenises, and their partners.

She helps them get the most out of their sex lives and will talk them through “clothed, non-genital touch” the Daily Dot reports.

“I really practice this work and I believe in it, primarily because sex is of our bodies,” McGrath said. “When it comes to sex and relationships, I believe there’s only so much talking can do.

“So much of what keeps people down, makes them feel awful, are these ideas about what good sex is, and it’s a box, a very, very small box,” McGrath adds.

“For somebody with a micropenis or their partner, not fitting in that box is very painful.”

So what does McGrath advise?

“There’s humping, there’s grinding, there’s rubbing the penis on the labia or on the side, and then it expands into ‘What kind of fun things can we do together?'” she explains.

“Look at it as an opportunity to find new things rather than focus on one way of doing it specifically.”

McGrath also goes on to recommend oral sex becomes the “main event” and suggests that toys be used too.

“I think any augmenting toys can be fun. But more importantly, is it comfortable and does it feel good? Are you doing it because you enjoy it or is it because you feel like it makes you more normal?”

As for breaking the ice with a new partner and being honest about having a micropenis, McGrath says a man shouldn’t stress about this, as it only reinforces the idea that it’s something to be ashamed of.

Complete Article HERE!

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