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Putting A Ring On It


Name: William
Age: 30
Location: UK
Hi There
I am new to this scene, and I have very little experience in anal sex and I am seeking your help and advice. I am a top but I have a problem keeping my dick hard or staying hard during anal sex. I find it harder to fuck an ass compared to fucking a pussy. Here is the problem: Once I get my dick hard, put on a condom and start fucking, my dick sometimes goes soft on me. Is that normal? How can I keep my dick hard long enough in the ass to enjoy the fuck? Sometimes even when my dick is hard, I find it hard to penetrate an ass. I use lube, so what am I doing wrong? People in gay porn can fuck and fuck like there is no tomorrow. I want to enjoy anal sex too!! Any advice? Please let me know if there is anything I can do to improve in this area?

Boy, you’re in luck, William! One of my most popular tutorials, Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top, is waiting for you.  Check it out! It will answer a lot of the questions you have about butt fucking. You should also know that this is the companion piece to my tutorial for ass fuckin’ bottoms handsomely titled: Liberating The B.O.B. Within. Don’t know what a BOB is? No to worry, all will be explained.

gettin it from behindBut before you disappear to do your homework, I’d like to address one of the specific issues you raise, about keeping your dick hard while fucking. You are right to point out that fucking an ass (male or female) is different from fucking a pussy. But regardless of what hole you’re invading, a nice hard stiffy is essential.

Are you familiar with a cockring, William? If not, I suggest you acquaint yourself with these amazing low-tech wonders. Here’s what you should do. Mozie on over to the Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews site and search for my tutorial, Cockring Crash Course. (The search function in the sidebar will assist you.) Prepare yourself to be sorely amazed at the variety and functionality of these little devils.

Cock rings can create larger, firmer erections. Since blood flow enters your dick through arteries deep inside your dick, and leaves it through the veins near the surface of your tool; wearing a cock ring can help to keep more blood inside your dick shaft. And as all you rocket scientists know, blood is what causes erections in the first place. Also some men claim that wearing a cock ring intensifies their orgasm.armour up04

And while you’re on the sex toy review site, use the CATEGORY pull-down menu in the sidebar and look for cockrings. You’ll find it under the last heading, Sexual Enrichment. This will bring up all the cockrings we reviewed, and there’s a load of ‘em, don’t cha know.

I recommend the flexible and/or adjustable cockrings. These are generally made of stretchable rubber or leather. For the more daring there are the metal variety. These may look pretty, but they can be a bitch to put on and to take off. Here’s how ya do it.

  1. Pull your ball sack through the ring first.
  2. Follow this by popping each of your balls through the ring one at a time.
  3. Now bend your cock down and pull it through the ring.

As you can see, putting on one of these little buggers before you have a raging hardon is gonna make it a whole lot easier. To take the cock ring off, simply reverse these steps, pushing your flaccid cock back through the ring first, followed by each of your balls and finally your ball sack.

It’s absolutely essential that you not wear an inflexible (metal) ring for longer than a couple hours. Make sure you don’t buy one that is too small either. If your dick is turning an angry red or worse, purple, or it is cold to the touch, you’re in trouble. Take that ring off immediately. If you don’t you will risk serious injury to your precious johnson. Remember people, play smart with all your toys!

Good luck

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The Virginity Myth

Name: Tia
Gender: Female
Age: 19
I have a problem. I’m still a virgin, but my bf thinks I’m not. It’s really my fault he thinks this, cuz I told him I was all experienced and everything. We’ve been going together for about 8 months already and I really want my first time to be with him, but how am I going to act all experienced when I don’t know what I’m doing.

That sure enough is a pickle you got yourself into darlin’. You’ve got some ‘splanin’ to do Lucy!

Funny, because I’m more likely to hear from young women who are not virgins, who want to know how they can fool a new partner into thinking, they are. I guess we can chalk up all this deception and confusion to the powerful associations every culture imposes on virginity…female virginity, that is.

virginityLike most things sexual there is a huge double standard between the cultural and personal importance of virginity between the sexes. The cultural expectations about virginity are also tied to age as well as gender. For example, our society expects its 16-year-old girls to be virgins. To be otherwise, at that tender age, would be a scandal in most communities. But a 35year old woman who is still a virgin is considered an old maid — or worse, a dyke — in our society.

Of course, things are more fluid when it comes to boys and men. On the one hand, a 16year old boy, who is not a virgin, may raise some eyebrows in most communities. But many others in those same communities would praise him for being a stud. On the other hand, a 35year old man who is still a virgin is not only the butt of jokes — or worse, a queer — but he’s also more of a disgrace to his gender than an old maid is to hers. Funny how that works, huh?

I hasten to add that there is a lot to argue with in terms of these arbitrary cultural norms, and I encourage ya’ll to argue away. God knows I do! And you don’t have to buy into them either. God knows I don’t! But till things change these norms are the norms, like it or lump it.

I’d love to know why you felt the need to deceive your BF in the first place? Do the people you hang with, prize sexual experience over sexual innocence for a woman of 19? And what are the expectations of your group regarding a 19year old guy? I’ll bet the expectation is that he not be a virgin. Right?

Well you can see why a lot of people, not just you Tia, find this whole thing just too damned complicated. And rather than adding to the confusion or the deception, I encourage you to come clean with the BF about your cherry.Sign-Virginville-VillageOf

Here’s why I think this is the best policy. First, if the BF is sexually experienced, it will be very difficult for you to hide the fact that you’re not. Besides, like you said in your message to me. “I really want my first time to be with him.” Tell him that, sweetheart! No man is gonna turn that down…ever. Simply put, that is the most sexually charged and treasured sentence in any language.

Begin the big talk with your man like this. “Baby, I got something real special to tell you. You know how I’ve been sayin that I’ve been with other guys and shit? Well that was just my way of keeping all the other guys from pestering me for my junk. Baby, the truth is that I haven’t had sex before now. And the best part of this is I’ve decided that I really want my first time to be with you. My cherry belongs to you, baby”

Like I said, Tia, no man is gonna turn that down. The BF will be so flattered you won’t have to pretend to be something you’re not. Clearing the air like this will also allow you to relax when the magic moment finally happens. And relaxation is the key to enjoying yourself. And you should enjoy yourself.

Good luck

Beginning Sex Play — Tips and Techniques

I most frequent hear from your average Dick and Jane, (or Dick and Dick, or Jane and Jane) who want to spice up their sex life. When they write to me they inevitably describe the kind of sex they’re currently having. And almost universally that description makes this grown man cry. Jeez, the boredom. How can they stand it? It’s a wonder any of them are having sex at all.

big funWhat’s with all the humdrum, run of the mill, we’ve always done it that way mentality? Are ya’ll afraid that if you add a little something new to your sex chore from time to time that the sky will fall? Holy cow!

Today’s tutorial is yet another attempt to motivate you to get off your butts and make something interesting happen in the sex department. We’ll begin today with what was once called foreplay.

First off, I hate the word “foreplay” because it suggests that all the really great sex play activities out there are only a lead up to a single — more important activity — that is fucking. It also implies that ya’ll can dispense with the one in order to hurry up and get to the other. And that, sex fans, is always a huge mistake.

From now on I want you to banish “foreplay” from your vocabulary. Instead let’s start using “Beginning Sex Play.” It says it all. It says it’s at the beginning, but there’s no suggestion that anything in particular must follow.amazing sex secrets

I’m of the mind that we’d all be better served if we thought of sex play as a continuum of pleasure with a beginning, middle and an end. If you ask me, our sex play ought mirror our sexual response cycles — arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. That way we’re less likely to overburden one particular activity at the expense of all the others. Get it? Got it? Good!

Experienced sex fans agree; the best sexual encounters include an extended period of sensual play at the beginning of most all sex play. This brings increased pleasure to both partners, and will make whatever else that might follow more satisfying. Just remember, beginning sex play can be a meal in itself.

Beginning sex play brings spice to the encounter because it gets our motors started. Even all you major sex athletes out there, who are perpetually primed for sex, will benefit from more beginning sex play. It will help cool your jets and make the encounter last longer than a firecracker. And I know that you know what I mean!

erotic talkIn our hectic rush-around-world, beginning sex play is particularly important. It helps us transition from the daily cares and woes to the realm of sensual pleasures. The workaholics among us need more time to become fully aroused. Our minds are still filled with the junk of the day, and not yet ready to give or receive pleasure. And pleasuring and being pleasured, I might add, takes a big attitude shift from that of the rest of the day. In fact, if you’re gonna try and approach sex and pleasure with the same mindset as you have on the job or with the kids, give it up now and be done with it. You’ll only walk away from the encounter disappointed.

Beginning sex play primes us for maximum pleasure. Us men folk will have the time we need to come to full erection and the women folk will have the time they need to properly lubricate. (By the way, this is called the arousal stage in our sexual response cycle).

When we stop thinking of beginning sex play as “foreplay” we realize there is no such thing as spending too much time giving and getting pleasure. If beginning sex play evolves into full-on fucking — SWELL. Both partners will be fully aroused and fucking will flow naturally and effortlessly from the pleasure enjoyed at the beginning of sex play.

Beginning sex play can include everything from chocolate and whipped cream to whips and chains. But let’s not get too far ahead of our selves. Let’s start at the beginning of beginning sex play, shall we? beginner's guide

Most people miss out on the pleasure of undressing with and for their partners. Stripping out of, or being helped out of our daily wear and into something sexy or nothing at all can be very arousing. It’s also a visual signal that we’re shifting out of our work-a-day world and entering the realm of sensuality. Stripping is an art form, ya know. We could all learn a lesson or two from the folks who do this for a living, but more about this in THIS tutorial.

Creating the right sex environment is important too. Make sure the room is warm. Proper lighting and music will surely add to the mood. Scents are also important. More and more people are incorporating erotica into their sex play — reading a sexy story together or enjoying some hot porn will make the encounter memorable.

Most women complain that their partners don’t kiss long enough and rush the kissing to get at their pussy. Guys, what the fuck? You want pussy? Use your mouth to maximum advantage kiss and nibble all over everything. Literally devour your partner with your mouth. Believe me, if you do this right, by the time you get to her pussy she’s gonna want to give it up big time.

Hanky Spanky Gift SetBeginning sex play is the perfect time for setting the mood for all that might follow. It’s a time for sharing fantasies, role-playing, dirty talk or some full body massage. Always have some nice lotion available then use your hands, forearms, feet and elbows to knead your partner’s muscles and naughty bits.

Certain areas on the body are more hot-wired than others. It’s your job to find each and every one your partner has. As you massage vary your strokes and touch to stimulate your partner. Roll your fingertips across his or her nipples and behind his or her ears as you kiss him and tease her with your tongue.

If you’re doin things right, your partner will be moaning with pleasure. If she or he starts getting impatient it’s time to bring out the restraints. There’s nothing like some hot erotic bondage to punctuate the beginning sex play.

While your darling is subdued and possibly blindfolded, crank things up a notch. Add different sensations and stimuli, a warm chocolate sauce followed by ice cream. A fur mitt followed by a Loofah. Introduce some sex toys — a vibrator, tit clamps, or an anal simulator.

Don’t forget to check in with your partner from time to time. Ask for some feedback and direction. Do you like this? Or do you like this better? If you presume that you know what your partner likes simply because he or she liked it before, that, my friend, is a recipe for boredom and the dreaded bed death. If words fail you, SHOW your partner what you want. Then encourage your partner to do the same.002

Beginning sex play is not about pressing the right buttons in the right order. It is about understanding what makes your partner tick and supplying and applying those things to their greatest sensual advantage. There are many ways to give your partner extreme pleasure, and it all begins in your brain. Beginning sex play is as much of an art form as it is a necessity. Finally, the basic premise behind all of this is that the great lover is one that gives pleasure because it is its own reward, not a means to getting something else.

Good luck

The Yin and Yang of Desire

Today I’d like to talk about: The Yin and Yang of Desire — Dopamine, Prolactin and Testosterone.

Let’s talk about love, lust and desire. But instead of looking at these things as social phenomena, let’s look at the chemical reactions going on inside our bodies that make us feel and behave the way we do.

sex-on-the-brainThere are clear links between certain chemicals and our most basic drives, which explains, for example, why we feel horny one moment and utterly disinterested the next. Or why our sex drive peaks after exercise. At the core of our sexual and affectional interests and behaviors lie the two chemicals — dopamine and prolactin. In many ways they are complimentary to one another; dopamine turns on desire and prolactin turns it off.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter. This is basically your body’s pleasure and reward system. Our brains releases dopamine, to one degree or another, when we see, read or think about something sexy, taste something sweet, puff a cigarette, or come into skin-to-skin contact with another person. When dopamine levels are high, our libido goes into overdrive. Sometimes levels can be so dramatic that a person will neglect other essential bodily functions like eating and sleeping. Some “street” drugs —meth and coke among them — can mimic the body into thinking it’s dealing with dopamine.

Dopamine is critical to the way the brain controls our movements. If there’s not enough dopamine, we can’t move, or control our movements. If there’s too much dopamine, we are plagued with repetitive moments like jerking, tapping and twitching.

Get this; novel situations can increase dopamine releases. For example, hooking up with someone for the first time triggers especially high levels of dopamine. Curiously enough, these same high levels will not occur again during subsequent hookups with that same person. This is called the one-night-stand phenomenon; it’s why you can be attracted to someone at first encounter but not afterward.hormones and the brain

However, falling in love with someone can sustain high dopamine levels for a longer period of time. This explains why physical infatuation is at its peak in the beginning months of a relationship. Also dopamine floods the brain when we get drunk or take certain drugs, which is why drinking alcohol can make a potential partner look more attractive.

Prolactin is dopamine’s foil. It causes dopamine levels to plummet. Prolactin is a hormone, as opposed to a neurotransmitter, like dopamine. It floods the body during orgasm, virtually shutting down the sex drive, which is nature’s way of allowing us to attend to other essential bodily functions like eating and sleeping. Prolactin release in men will temporarily disable our ability to have an erection. This is called the refractory or recovery phase of our sexual response cycle. And prolactin is at least partially responsible for that happy, relaxed state after we cum. This is precisely the release women get while breastfeeding; in fact, the word “pro-lactin” directly indicates its role in milk production.

growing larger and largerProlactin primes the mind for long-term attachment — a role that helps the mother bond with her suckling child as well as lovers to each other. This means that if you stick around cuddling with your partner right after sex, you may actually start to like him/her more and more. This is called the pair-bonding effect. But prolactin’s dopamine-reducing action has a darker side. It cancels the tolerance you may have for your partner’s flaws.

While dopamine and prolactin are good indicators of the immediate workings of sexual pursuit, it is testosterone that best explains long-term changes in courtship. Testosterone is responsible for the masculinization of the adolescent male body during puberty. And it increases the dopamine levels that regulate our sex drive. But testosterone leaves its fingerprint on the body as much as the brain. It’s the catalyst for changes in skin tone, fat distribution, musculature and demeanor, which are signals to others that this individual male is sexually mature and in good health.

However, if you get a fever or become depressed, your testosterone levels can drop significantly. Malnutrition or high levels of anxiety or stress will also interfere with testosterone levels. The most immediate effect of this is a decrease in libido, and a noticeable drop-off in energy levels as well as confidence. There’s no doubt about it; testosterone levels will signal to potential mates that you are in the throws of depression, stress, anxiety or malnutrition. You will appear a little less attractive to people subconsciously. That’s why a confident, dominant male with high-testosterone levels generally enjoy more mating success.tits

Testosterone levels are highest in the morning, then wanes throughout the day. It’s also much higher in men in autumn and lowest in the spring.

However, sexual desire is still more complicated than is known to science, and there may be multiple archetypes of partners we’re drawn to — there is evidence that aggressive high-testosterone men appear sexier to women and gay men for a one-night stand. But softer, more sensitive balanced men are more likely to tug at our heartstrings in a relationship. Scientists reason that the bulkier mate is more likely to be physically powerful and carry good genes to create strong children. While the slimmer guy is a more loving, reliable partner likely to help raise the kids so they survive to adulthood. The effect of this strange contradiction seems to be a biological predisposition against monogamy and sexual exclusivity.

But none of this is carved in stone. A man’s hormone’s levels increase when he is in a competitive environment or carries out acts of aggression, which can explain how guys seem to bulk up quickly when they go to prison or join sports teams. These levels decrease when he feels intimidated or humiliated, which might explain why those who get picked on at school stay skinny and mild-mannered compared to their peers. This in turn made them easier targets and only increased the likelihood of them being bullied.

butt shakeThis is not uncommon behavior among primate colonies that have huge alpha males looming over a population of smaller, submissive males and females. While this is not a perfect parallel to human social groups, it does go a long way in explaining how a social environment can be a precursor to physical body changes. And just so you know, our testosterone levels also drop during long-term relationships, giving the male brain a sense of stability and mellowness, easing off the drive to forage for new sexual partners.

Science alone lacks a moral element, and fails to explain, in a modern context, why we should desire to be masculine, aggressive, potent or dominant in the first place. In nature, the alpha-male is the most likely to enjoy reproductive success, but that isn’t what gives our lives value today. We might have more success being an average male that falls in love and becomes a good provider. And in the modern world it’s probably the more stable and sensitive man who is most likely to sire children.

Still, science gives important clues to what’s going on in our minds and bodies and that of our potential partners. A lot of our basic inclinations are out of our control, but when we know what causes them or what to expect, we can work with them for the best outcome.

What does is all mean?

Name: Jane
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Location: Vancouver. BC
When my boyfriend and I have sex, there’s a 50/50 chance that he will put his penis between my butt cheeks and hump me that way until he cums. (It’s just intense rubbing, no anal penetration). Even though I don’t feel like I’m getting any pleasure from it, my vagina gets wet, and if he touches me down there and feels that I’m wet, it turns him on even more. What’s going on here?
He’s very affectionate and he tells me he loves by my body. He says he’s totally straight, but this whole anal thing confuses me. If he’s not gay or bi-sexual, why is it that it takes him 20+ minutes to cum during vaginal sex, but only 5 – 7 minutes to cum during anal?

Ok, Jane, to start with, your BF isn’t doing anal. Believe me, darling, you’d know if he were. Anal sex, by definition, means anal penetration. There’s a name for what your freaky boyfriend is doing — rubbing his cock in your crack, but not penetrating you. It’s a form of frottage, or sexual stimulation by rubbing. This is the sexual practice of choice for most lesbians, most commonly referred to as pussy-bumpin’. Hey, maybe your BF is a lesbian!analsex joke

Second, your pussy may be getting wet because your boyfriend’s pre-cum and spooge is dripping down your crack, past your “taint” and all over your fine cooch. It ain’t you producing the wetness, which explains why you’re not aroused. I hope that clears up the mystery juice for ya.

Third, loads of exclusively straight men are into anal. Most are into butt fucking their women, but some are into being fucked BY their women. We call this practice pegging — a woman straps on a mighty fine dildo and drives her man insane with a buggering he’ll not soon forget. So you see, fucking is not just for cunts anymore!

Forth, perhaps, just maybe, your vagina isn’t as tight as your what your man is experiencing between your ass cheeks. Maybe, just perhaps, that’s why it takes him less time to bust a nut that-a-way than in a more traditional form of fucking. Also maybe, he’s more turned on with the allure of the forbidden, taboo backdoor action. I guess the only way you’ll know is to ask your BF straight-up, as it were, so to speak.

So let’s review then, shall we? Now that we know for certain that an interest in cornholing a sweet ass is not just a gay thing. You can relax about your BF bein’ queer for wanting to hump your bum. For some guys this is their favorite kind of sex. They love to bust a nut by rubbing their dicks between a chick’s tits, thighs, buns, or feet. It’s anyone’s guess why these dudes prefer this to getting off in, on or around a pussy, but whatever it is, it’s completely harmless.Anal sex

Here’s a tip, Jane. Relax into this with the ‘ol BF, why don’t ya? Once you stop worrying about his sexual orientation because of his fascination with your be-hind, you may actually enjoy the special attention he’s paying your boot-ty.

And hey, if your BF’s freak with your ass crack isn’t gettin’ you off, you don’t have to just lie there and take it, ya know. While he’s grinding away back there, you could be spending some quality time with little miss clit with say a swell vibrator. Soon you’ll be enjoying things as much as he.

Good luck

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