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Sobriety & Sex

Name: Gregg
Gender: Male
Age: 40
Location: Seattle
Since getting sober now almost 8 years ago I am very tense about sex and I feel as though I have lost my mojo. I am unable to relax and be intimate with a man and I am thinking I need an intimacy coach or sex coach, or something. Perhaps someone with tantra training who can help me find a comfort level with my body again and being touched and touching another.

Hey, thanks for your interesting question. Sadly, yours is not an uncommon concern. In fact, I just finished an 8-week group for men in recovery who were dealing with similar intimacy issues. A lot of the work we did together was helping one another reestablish a sense of trust.

legs & bootsSo many of us gay men start out our sexual lives with alcohol and/or drugs to help us overcome our inhibitions as well as a means of dulling some of the anti-gay messaging that comes to us from the world around us. Sometimes, the substances take hold of us and instead of we being in control the substances are in control. There was one guy in the group I just mentioned who is in his 5o’s, and he confessed to the group that before he got clean and sober, a couple years ago, he had never had sex sober. And he had been sexually active since his early twenties.

Substance abuse can rob us of more than just our dignity. It often effects our sexual response cycle in ways that diminish our ability to enjoy our sexuality. Men often report erection problems and women report arousal phase problems when they come off booze and or drugs. This, as you suggest, impacts on our comfort level in all intimate situations. If our parts aren’t working like we would want them to, we’d rather avoid intimate contact rather than be embarrassed. So, in other words, when we rid ourselves of the substances that once enabled us, we often need to relearn how to be ourselves, particularly in intimate situations.

Learning to trust others enough to open ourselves to others, even with our “brokenness,” is the key to regaining our sense of sexual self. We need to learn how to overcome our shame, which often gets in the way of reaching out to others. And if some of our shame is unresolved internalized homophobia, well then, we really have some work to do.tit bite

I think you’ve hit upon the perfect solution to your pressing problem. Working with a sex coach or intimacy coach is definitely one way to go. For those challenged, as you are, verbal therapy is great. But there is no substitute for actual hands-on therapy.

I know several people who have been helped by a surrogate partner or a sexual healer. I applaud you for thinking so creatively. Of course, finding the right person to work with will be a challenge. And I should mention that other helping professionals, even some sexologists, do not always look upon these kinds of interventions as legitimate. That’s a pity, but what are ya gonna do.

As you know, there are loads of sex workers out there. Unfortunately, very few have the training needed to provide surrogate partner therapy, or understand the delicate issues that a trained sexual healer must deal with. I hope you find what you are looking for.

If you need someone to discuss this with further, give me a shout. You’ll find my contact information on either the ABOUT page or the THERAPY AVAILABLE page in the header above.

Good luck

My Alien Bunny

Hey sex fans!

Look, a new edition of Product Review Friday is comin’ your way. This week we bring you a toy for the women folk, but guys might like it too. This is our first product review from one of the sex toy industry’s award-winning innovators, Jimmyjane.

Let’s check in with Dr Dick Review Crew members, Joy & Dixie, to see what’s up, so to speak.

Jimmyjane Form 2 — — $145.00

Joy & Dixie
Dixie: “We started the new year off with a bang. Joy and I celebrated our 6th anniversary on New Years Eve. I know, how perfect is that? Anywho, we got a bunch of swell gifts from friends. We have the best friends evah!”
Joy: “Amongst the booty was a Jimmyjane Form 2. And guess who gave it to us? My ex, Barbara! The first product I ever reviewed for Dr Dick was the Share.  And Barbara and I were together back then. She knows my passion for toys and so she got Dixie and me the Form 2.”jimmyjane-form-2-01
Dixie: “I was completely flabbergasted because the Form 2 isn’t cheap; in fact it’s really pricy. Barbara’s a dot-com millionaire, so I suppose plunkin’ down $150 for a sex toy means nothing to her. Don’t get me wrong, I love that she’s so generous. And she’s such as sweetheart on top of it.”
Joy: “Yeah, Barb rocks! So let me take you on a little tour of the Form 2. It’s the cutest little thing. About the size of the palm of your hand, it’s basically a body with two short flexible ears. I call it my alien bunny. It’s made of high-quality, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. And it has a stainless steel base where it recharges in its stylish charger base. Its rechargeable lithium polymer battery takes about two hours to fully charge and runs up to seven hours on a single charge.”
Dixie: “It features five vibration speeds and four modes of vibration, and is operated by a one button controller. Form 2 is fully waterproof and easy to clean. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. But you can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. And it should be shared!”jimmyjane-form-2-luxury-vibrato2_11903_700x700
Joy: “The two flexible ears vibrate, each with their own motor. So when you nuzzle the Form 2 up to your clit, with the ears placed along each side, your whole vulva is stimulated. Love it! It’s super quiet too.”
Dixie: “The ears pulsate with pleasure. Like Joy mentioned above each ear is flexible, but the body is dense. It feels so comfortable in my hand. I like moving Form 2 all around my body. My nipples are particularly sensitive to the pleasure it can deliver. I encourage you to find all your erogenous zones or those of your partner with this joyful toy.”
Joy: “It’s true! The sensations are like in stereo; the motors in each ear create happiness wherever it travels on your body. It’s the ideal toy for the bath. The Form 2 excels in design as well as function. It’s immediately obvious that a great deal of time, effort, and knowhow has gone into making this a pleasure treasure. And ya know what? Guys will like this too.”jimmyjane-form-2-luxury-vibrato2_11904_700x700
Dixie: “Here’s a thoughtful little extra; the controls can be locked in the off position for safe sex toy traveling. There’s nothing more embarrassing than have your vibe come to life on its own as you’re going through airport security. We already mentioned that Form 2 is rechargeable, so obviously it comes with its own charger and detailed product information brochure is included in the packaging. It also comes with a three-year product warranty.”
Joy: “Let’s recap, shall we? Form 2 is body-safe, healthy, GREEN, rechargeable, waterproof, and exceptionally good at what it says it can do. What more can one ask for from a vibe, or any product for that matter?”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Awakening Your Sensual Self Post Cancer

Name: Doug
Gender: Male
Age: 58
Location: San Diego
HI: I need some help. I had my prostate removed due to prostate cancer. I feel I have lost my man-hood. I don’t experience hard-ons anymore. My penis is dead. Can you recommend something to help me?

It’s truly uncanny; in the past week alone I’ve received similar email from four different people. Each had a very different presenting problem, but all were experiencing very similar sexual issues. Get this, I heard from a woman in Japan who is recovering from a radical mastectomy. I heard from a guy in San Francisco who is recovering from a serious meth addiction. A young wife and mother in North Carolina whose husband, and father of her two kids, has returned from Iraq a basket case…and now you, Doug.prostatecancer_600x450

Its astonishing that, despite the dramatic differences in each of your life stories, all of you report pretty much same thing — you feel less than whole, disconnected from your sexuality and devoid of any real intimacy or meaningful sexual outlet. It is so amazing how, despite our unique individual difficulties, there are often a universal response to life’s troubling complexities.

Regaining a sense of your sexual-self after prostate surgery, or any of the other problems I mentioned above, is an arduous, but rewarding task. With your self-confidence in the toilet and zero libido to boot, I suggest that you begin your rehabilitation by connecting with others similarly challenged as you. In your case, it will probably be other cancer survivors. More likely than not, they will be a whole lot more sympathetic to your issues and attuned to your predicament. Sometimes, people who have yet to experience a life threatening disease or a disfiguring surgery don’t have a clue about how to interact with those that have. It’s not their fault, it’s just the way things are.

I suggest looking into a support group, if you haven’t done so already. Once you make that connection, you will find, that you are not alone. Other people similarly challenged as you are experiencing many of very same things you are. And to my mind, it’s way much easier to face and handle life’s difficulties when surrounded and supported by others.

AGDD_front coverOne word of caution; my experience is that many disease-based programs and support groups shy away from intimacy concerns. This is a real tragedy, because this is the one aspect of healing that consistently remains unaddressed by the medical profession. That is way I included an entire chapter about the intimacy and sexual needs of chronically ill, elder and dying people in my book — The Amateur’s Guide To Death and Dying; Enhancing the End of Life. I encourage you to check out the book; it’s loaded with amazing sex-positive information.

Next I suggest that you first try connecting with people on a sensual level as opposed to a sexual level. I firmly believe in massage as the best say to accomplish this. Think about it. Imagine the good you’ll be able to do for others, as well as yourself with therapeutic touch. And, to my mind, therapeutic touch also includes sensual touch. It will soothe so much more than the jangled nerves and disrupted muscle tissue caused by radical invasive surgery. It gives the one doing the touch a renewed sense of him/herself a pleasure giver, which is totally important to us all. And when you receive the touch, it will begin to reawaken sensory perceptions you thought were lost for good. And your libido as well as your erection will bloom again. I promise. Here’s a tip: to keep that stiffy goin, I encourage you to use a cockring.

Now if you feel your massage skills aren’t up to par, why not take a class or workshop in massage. You might want to look to something like the Body Electric School Of Massage. They have load of training options. And learning is a hands-on experience. What could be more liberating than that?

If a class is a bit too intimidating at first, you might consider purchasing a book on massage. A great primer is: Male Erotic Massage by Ray Stubbs, Ph.D.  This is a holistic approach to bodywork, including the sexual and the spiritual aspects of Male Erotic Massage. There are over 200 photographs in this volume that reveal both massage techniques and the beauty of the male body embracing the male body. The strength, the joy, the gentleness, the ardor, the tenderness, the equanimity, the pleasure — they are all included.

Another title is: Erotic Massage, The Touch of Love also by Ray Stubbs, Ph.D.  This is a more inclusive volume of erotic massage. It describes long, flowing strokes for the whole body, including female and male genitals. By the way, this was the very first massage book to explicitly illustrate genital massage. The techniques described are simple and easy to perform. It’s superbly illustrated, and the text is both tender and playful.Massage

Finally, your gift of massage is the ideal way to connect with another human, be it a friend, a family member, lover, or even a stranger. Your touch can be either seductive or non-seductive, or maybe a little of both. You can count on this purposefully touching to open new doors. You’ll discover new pleasures, both subtle and profound, as you give as well as receive touch.

I encourage you to push beyond the isolation I know you are feeling, Doug. Purposeful touching, like massage, will change your perceptions about sex, sensuality, and intimacy. And like I said, it will also resurrect your boner. I know this can happen. I’ve seen it happen. Doug, now it’s your turn to make it happen!

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Tickle & Tease

Hey sex fans!

Here it is Friday again and not only that, but it a Product Review Friday to boot. Today we welcome a new manufacturer to our review effort — Toyfriend.

And here to tell us about her new toy friend is Dr Dick Review Crew member, Jada.

Coney by Toyfriend —— $47.06

Jada
I’m back for yet another year of reviewing with the Dr Dick Review Crew. I joined this effort back in August of 2008 on a bit of a whim. I never thought that I’d continue beyond my first review, which I did as a favor to Richard.

Over the years I’ve learned so much about the adult products industry. And it’s been quite an education, let me tell you. I’ve had the dubious pleasure of reviewing some remarkably crummy stuff, but I’ve also reviewed products that I continue to use year after year. I was even lucky enough to review one of The 10 Best Products of 2012. coney

Not too long ago a woman friend from work confided in me that she was considering buying a vibrator. It was to be her first sex toy. She was absolutely flabbergasted when I launched into my spiel about what to look for and what to avoid. I guess I forgot myself for a moment, because when I stopped blabbing I could see the astonishment in her face. “How do you know so much about this?” She asked. I wasn’t about to blow my cover, so I just shrugged my shoulders a bit and told her I read a lot of women’s magazines. Afterward, I felt a little sad that I couldn’t, or more likely wouldn’t, tell her about this review gig.

Anyway, this brings me to today product, a sweet and somewhat comical vibe from a new toy company called Toyfriend. It’s name is Coney.

Had I the presence of mind, when I was talking to my friend about what to look for in a vibrator, I would have said; “You ought to take a look at the Coney. It’s a really good beginner’s vibe.” It has a lot of the features that I think are important in a personal vibrator. Chiefly among them is it’s make of high-quality, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypo-allergenic silicone. Second, it’s waterproof. Third, it’s moderately priced.

So let’s take a closer look at Coney, shall we? The first thing I noticed was its whimsical shape. It has two long ears that are perfect for teasing and tickling your clit and nipples. When I first open the modest packaging I thought this has got to be some kind of gag novelty toy. The marketplace is flooded with such things. But once I put it through its paces I realized my first impression was wrong. There is nothing cheap or crummy about the Coney.

The vibe is battery operated. I generally prefer a vibe that is rechargeable, but I see where sometimes that’s not a practical option. The Toyfriend people thoughtfully included the first set of two AAA batteries with the toy. Thank you, Toyfriend. That little kindness sets you apart from just about all your other competitors.

The vibrations are of moderate strength; this is not going to knock your socks off. That’s why I call it a teaser and tickler. It’ll help get your motor started, so to speak.

The Coney looks like a stylized rabbit. I already mentioned the elongated ears. The surface of the vibe is silky smooth to the touch. The toy is well constructed; I would say it has to be since it is waterproof. The battery compartment is easy to get to and easy to unscrew. No wear and tear on tired or arthritic hands. It also comes with a Lucite stand to keep it upright between uses. It is so charming!coney-2

A single button on the bottom of the toy controls the vibrations. Press it once to start the vibrations. Pressing additional times will move it through its five vibration patterns. To turn it off, hold the button down for two seconds.

Read Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

Backdoor Basics at Wild At Heart

Hey sex fans!

Particularly those of you who are living in and around the Emerald City. I have some swell news for ya’ll. I’m scheduled to present one of my most popular workshops at Seattle’s very own woman owned sex emporium, Wild At Heart.

The title of the Workshop is
Backdoor Basics

Sunday, December 16, 2012 7:00 PM

Ticket information HERE!

Learn the ins and outs of anal pleasure in this introductory class to backdoor fun. Anal play is a source of curiosity for many, but often surrounded by fear that it’s gonna be painful, or worse- messy. This class will help answer those questions and put those fears to rest.

We’ll cover a wide variety of topics, including:

  • Anal anatomy
  • Preparation and hygiene
  • Lubes, toys, and safer sex
  • Beginner booty play
  • All-important warm-up techniques
  • Anal sex myths and misconceptions
  • Sex Toy giveaways
  • and so much more!

We all have one, lets relax and enjoy it!

This workshop is open to all regardless of gender, orientation, or relationship status.

Workshop attendees also get a 15% discount on any store merchandise while they’re at the workshop.

This workshop is based on my wildly popular tutorials — Liberating The B.O.B. Within and Finessing That Ass Fuck.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

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