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Product Reviews!

REVIEW #28

Hey sex fans,

It’s Week 4, and the final week, of our Holiday Extravaganza.  Did you somehow miss Week 1, 2 or 3 of this lollapalooza?  Shame on you!  Check out Reviews #25, 26 and 27.  You’ll be so glad ya did.

The Dr Dick Review Crew has been workin’ overtime gettin you these reviews and now all our naughty parts are sore as all get out.  Thank god this is the last week; we need a break, don’t cha know!

This week’s Review Crew include:

  • Jack & Karen — Reviews #17, 18, 25, 27
  • Joy & Dixie— Reviews #6, 12, 16, 17, 18, 23, 27
  • Glenn & Hank — Reviews #4, 16, 17, 18, 23. 24, 27
  • Gina & Kevin — Reviews #4, 13, 16, 17, 18, 23, 24, 27
  • Ken & Denise — Reviews #11, 16, 25
  • Jada — Reviews #14, 16, 20

First up Ken & Denise introduce us to a beautiful wooden insertable from Hans at Hardwood Dildos.  I’m a big fan of Hans’.  He is more than a craftsman; he’s an artist.  He really knows his wood and his woodies!  We have just this one dildo to review, but his site is virtually overflowing with ingenious designs.  When you visit, be sure to tell him Dr Dick sent you.

Apple Wood Dildo $99

Ken:  “I was hoping I would be one of the lucky chosen ones to review one of the great 433a.jpgwooden dildos we’ve featured during our Holiday Extravaganza.  I lucked out!  Denise and I have a real beauty.”
Denise:  “That is so true.  Unfortunately, our Apple Wood Dildo doesn’t come already named, like the ones reviewed earlier in this series.”
Ken:  “Well, it’s only unfortunate if you’re not clever enough to come up with name all on your own.  I’ve christened ours Peter…for obvious reasons.”
Denise:  “I stand corrected.  Maybe I need to be punished.  ;-)
Ken:  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?  Just you wait till we get home, young lady!”
Denise:  “Ohhh, Daddy!”
Ken:  “We seem to be veering off topic.  Back to our beautiful Hardwood Dildo.  It is made of Apple wood, a fine-grained, dense wood, which has a very fair color, kinda like maple or cherry.  Apparently, the wood comes from trees pruned in Oregon.”

Read more of this review here

Gina & Kevin introduce us to a couple of lovable toys for the big kid in all of us. These come from the good people at Big Teaze Toys. Dr Dick gives a bunch of extra points for the delightful names. You go Big Teaze!

I Rub My Duckie Bondage $25.99

Gina: “If a company can make me smile and make me cum at the same time, they win my heart. Now my heart belongs to Big Teaze. I Rub My Duckie Bondage is just one of the great Collector’s Series duckies available from Big Teaze Toys. You have to see the other! Makes me giggle just visiting the site.”irubmyduckie.jpg
Kevin: “I got such a kick out of this. And speaking of kicks; this little bugger is mighty powerful.”
Gina: “Bondage
Duckie has a permanent place in our bathroom. It is always in reach. There is nothing better than a waterproof vibe. I love to get off in the tub.”
Kevin: “It’s a real conversation piece too. It even comes with its own set of
Duckie-sized handcuffs. What a hoot! Guests always comment on our fashionable BDSM Duckie. Little do they know.”

Read more of this review here

I Rub My Wormie Pink Travel Size $22.99

Kevin:  “The I Rub My Wormie we have is the travel sized one.  That makes is a bit irubmywormie.jpgsmaller than the regular size.  It make an excellent butt plug.”
Gina:  “Or Pussy plug! I Rub My Wormie has a, ergonomic bend in his neck to reach your G- or P-spot.  It has an easy-grip body so he won’t wiggle out of your hands.”
Kevin:  “Oh baby, Oh baby, you make me so hot!!  Don’t forget the 3-speeds of vibration.”
Gina:  “It actually is the perfect toy to travel with.  Airport security will think you are carrying a baby’s toy.  If they only knew.

Read more of this review here

Now Jada gives us the finger, as it were. This is a clever first offering from a new Canadian company — Fun To Have.

Fun Finger $20.00

Jada: At first I thought this was some kind of gag. I mean Fun Finger looks like something you’d funfinger-016.jpgfind on one of those prank websites. It’s basically a big golden thumb. Fun Finger is soft and flexible. It has a multi-speed vibrator that is adjusted on the base of the finger. It’s made in China of TPR (Thermoplastic Rubber), which is non-toxic, but anyone allergic to latex will not be able use this. I’m not a big fan of Chinese made products, especially nowadays, but this one seems harmless enough.

I did like the unique shape — the cocked thumb. It’s perfect for G-spot stimulation. I wouldn’t, however, recommend it for prostate stimulation. There’s nothing to hold on to at the base and it could easily slip in your bum and disappear. And that would very unpleasant indeed.

Read more of this review here

Our favorite perv Review Crew members — Joy & Dixie and Glenn & Hank tackle some very interesting devices from Rachel’s Pleasures.

G–Spotter $16.20

G–Spotter $16.20

Joy & Dixiejp440.jpg

Dixie: “This is our second go around with these sorts of products. Joy and I, Glenn and Hank and others did a whole series on some of the products from Sportsheets. You can find those reviews by searching for the word ‘Sportsheets’.”
Joy: “Dixie and I prefer Rachel’s product line to the other. For one thing, we found them more comfortable.”
Dixie: “I hope this doesn’t sound petty, but we also like Rachel’s packaging better. It’s more fun and it isn’t so blatantly heterosexual.”
Joy: “Basically, the
G–Spotter is a device that one attaches to the bottom’s ankles so the top can maneuver the bottom’s legs with more ease. The bottom can hold the strap herself or the top can hold it and move it from side to side.”

Read more of this review here

Cumfy Cuffs And Cumfy Cuffs Extensions Kit $22.50

Glenn & Hank introduce us to the Cumfy Cuffs And Cumfy Cuffs Extensions Kit .jp125.jpg

Glenn: “Hank and I agree with Dixie. We also like Rachel’s packaging better than the Sportsheets packaging. I guess it’s a gay thing!”
Hank: “In fact, we liked everything about the Rachel’s line better. We agree with the gals, it’s a more comfortable setup”
Glenn: “Not that the bottom is supposed to be comfortable all the time. If ya catch my drift.”
Hank: “Yeah, but Rachel’s line of products, although practical and fully functional, is geared toward the bondage novice, wouldn’t you agree?”
Glenn: “Absolutely! But we all have to start somewhere.” ;-)
Hank: “Do you know a budding kinkster? Maybe you’re one yourself.
Glenn: “Maybe you’d just like to know the thrill of relinquishing control for an itsy bitsy moment or two.”

Read more of this review here

Neoprene Harness $24.30

Joy & Dixie introduce us to the Neoprene Harness.

Joy: “Now this is something I can really sink my teeth into.”
Dixie: “What she means to say is ‘…sink a nice big dildo into’.”jp229.jpg
Joy: “I loves me my strap-ons! I have quite a collection. Some are more comfortable than others, but I love ‘em all.”
Dixie: “I’m not as much of a connoisseur, as Joy, but this Neoprene Harness is very comfortable, I must say.”
Joy: “It is that! It is also reversible and machine washable. I love that part. I hate having to clean lube and whatnot off my leather harness.”
Dixie: “It’s also fully adjustable. It would have to be to fit both Joy and I. We have such different body types.”

Read more of this review here

Rachel’s Bed Spread (w/cuffs) $64.53

Glenn & Hank introduce us to Rachel’s Rachel’s Bed Spread (w/cuffs).

Hank: “Now this is more like it! Rachel’s Bed Spread allows you can create a little bondage magic without the screw anchors and bolts in the ceiling jp514_d.jpgand walls needed for more traditional bondage apparatus.”
Glenn: “I love being restrained spread eagle on the bed. I love relinquishing control to my partner(s) and being ravaged by him/them.”
Hank: “And now we can play like this our own bedroom, or take it on vacation with us.”
Glenn: “These two straps go around the mattress and allow us to attach wrist or ankle cuffs to the straps. The straps are adjustable fitting a twin up to a King Size bed
Hank: “Rachel’s Bed Spread is not the least be threatening. In fact, if you just wanna mess around with some power-play this is just the thing for you.”
Glenn: “But it also works for those of us who are a tad more hardcore.”

Read more of this review here

So there ya have it, Sex Fans.  We hope our Holiday Extravaganza provided you with lot of swell gift giving ideas.  Look for more Product Reviews in the New Year.

Sport Fuck, Part 2

Look for my new Product Reviews!

REVIEW #18

Dr Dick’s Product Review Crew is back with their reviews of the remaining group of intriguing and oh so practical novelties from the pleasure-oriented folks over at Sportsheets.

The Dr Dick’s Product Review Crew introduces you to even more sexy fun products that will liven up even the most ho-hum sex life.

If you missed Sport Fuck, Part 1; look for it here.

Let’s check in with our intrepid reviewers.

The Under The Bed Restraint System $44.95
This turns your bed into a bondage playground. Simply slide the straps under any mattress, and position them around the bed to create various bondage possibilities.

Full review HERE

underbedrestraints.jpg chest_harness.jpg g-spotlink.jpg

Sportsheets Chest Harness with Dildo $59.00
Give your partner a front row seat with this fun harness and dildo set. It’ll spice up your sex life with a little tease and pleasure right in front of your face.

Full review HERE

Sportsheets G-Spot Link $29.95
A black nylon strap with neoprene ankle cuffs that makes hitting the G-spot easier and more accurate than ever before. You can use this to tilt the hips and enter the vaginal canal or anus from a new angle making penetration deeper and more satisfying for everyone.

Full review HERE

Sportsheets Door Jam Cuffs $18.95
Just lay the weighted straps over door, close it shut.  Turn any room into a playground for kinky bondage play!  Tease or please, control or be controlled –– now it’s easy!  Each thick nylon strap is connected to a detachable and adjustable velour-lined Velcro cuff.  You get 2 cuffs in a package.  Buy 2 pairs for total control!

Full review HERE

doorjamcuffs.jpg lap_dancer_thigh_harness.jpg

Lap Dancer Harness $44.95
Soft neoprene harness adjusts that wraps around your thigh and secures with Velcro.  It holds a soft silicone dildo. Get your dollar bills ready for your private dancer.

Full review HERE



Hard to Heart

Name: Julian
Gender: male
Age: 32
Location: mexico city
What does CBT mean?

Geez, CBT could mean all sorts of things, depending on the context. It could stand for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, something the good doctor knows a great deal about. It could also stand for Computer Based Training, but why in the world would you be asking dr dick about that? Let me see what else…CBT also stands for “Cock and Ball Torture”.

Yeah, that’s it! That’s what you want to know about, huh Julian — you little pervert. Good forcbt.jpg you!

As a matter of fact, there are all manner of torture techniques for your cock and balls — Slapping, Squeezing, Pinching, Bondage, even the use of weights. Tickling can be a form of torture too. A dude’s package can withstand a great deal of torment. But dolling out professional grade torture is not for the amateur. The dominant (as opposed to the submissive) really needs to know what he or she is doing. Carelessness can lead to severe injury.

In some cases, “torture” is really mostly “play”. One’s cock and balls are simply tugged on or stretched out, maybe with some weights. There’s cock and ball bondage too — the family jewels trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey. And that’s just the beginning. Imagine what you could do with your mother’s old clothespins. See, now you’re putting two and two together!

Oh, and the “T” word doesn’t necessarily stand for torture. It can represent a full range of play — from tickling and teasing to torment and torture.

If you’re interested in investigating the pain/pleasure of cock and ball torture for your self, Julian, here’s a safe way to start. Begin by experimenting with different sensations. Look around the house for things you can brush or rub against your cock and balls. Start with something soft like a silk scarf. Progressively work your way to something with a rough texture, like a scrub brush. You will also notice that the sensations are different when your dick is soft, as opposed to when it’s hard.

Try a hollowed-out, cylindrical loofa sponge. Get it good and wet, and slip it over your hardon and try jerkin’ off with it. Rubber bands can be applied to your cock and balls. Not only for the constriction sensation, which is delightful in itself. But you can also snap those puppies for some delicious pain.

Lots of pervs like cock and ball spanking. You could try your hand at this, so to speak. Or you could employ a kitchen wooden spoon or spatula. They work nicely too. Prickly things like a fork can be used to scrape or drag over your cock and balls. Poke them lightly if you like. Be careful though; you do not want to break the skin and draw blood.

wirecocktrap.jpgCock and ball bondage can be a delight. Nylon rope is a good choice for this, but nothing beats 100% cotton clothesline. If you want something a bit more abrasive, try a little something in hemp.

Again, safe play is happy play. Wrap the rope around your cock, and around each of your balls separately. Use the rope to stretch your sac. A little discomfort is desirable, but just don’t over do it. Remember the sensations will become more intense as your dick engorges with blood. Keep this kind of play to less than 10 minutes at a time. Watch for signs of distress — your dick will veer to the color purple and your balls will feel cool to the touch. When that happens, it’s time to loosen the restraints and move on to something else for a while.

If you really get into this you can find loads of more professional torture implements at My Stockroom. Look for the tab at the top of the page. There’s a whole department in my online store devoted to cock and ball toys. You might want to start with a cock and ball harness. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

CBT is great for livening up and extending a ho-hum jerk off session too. And here’s a tip: once you know what you like and how you like it; you can turn on your partner to the practices. Speaking of partners, the novice perv might want to surrender his privates to a professional Dom for some training. A well-versed mistress or master will be able to take you places you’ve only dreamed about. A pro Dom is also a great resource for the do-it-yourself kinda guy. Before you launch into uncharted waters, seek the advice of someone who has made the study of pain/pleasure his or her life’s work. And don’t expect to get this information for free.

Cock and ball play can be loads of fun — alone or with others. Just remember the mantra — safe play is happy play. Experimenting is fine, but if you get in over your head and you don’t know what the fuck you are doing — STOP. Go back to something more suitable to your skill set.

Name: mariana
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Location: washington
i lost my virginity yesterday and i did not bleed why is this?

Are congratulations in order, Mariana? Was your first time enjoyable? Are you happy you’re no longer a virgin? It’s so amazing to me that you didn’t mention any thing about your first fuck other than that fact that you didn’t bleed. I guess, for some young women, that all that really matters.

As you may know, a hymen is a mucous membrane that is part of the vulva, the external part ofhymen_morphologie.jpg your genitals. It’s located outside the vagina, which is the internal part of your genitals. Not all women have a noticeable hymen. You may or may not have had one to begin with. However most women do. Simply put, having a hymen and/or having it rupture during one’s first fuck is not a reliable indicator of virginity.

Many girls and teens tear or otherwise dilate their hymen while participating in sports like cycling, horseback riding and gymnastics. A young woman can tear her hymen inserting a tampon, or while masturbating. And it’s possible that the girl may not even know she’s done this. Often there is little or no blood or pain when it happens. The tissues of the vulva are generally very thin and delicate prior to puberty. Like I said, the presence or absence of a hymen and/or bleeding in no way indicates whether or not you are a virgin.

Some hymens are elastic enough to permit a cock to enter without tearing, or they tear only partially, and there is NO bleeding at all. As I hope you know, when you are adequately aroused, you lubricate and your vagina becomes more flexible. It will stretch without discomfort for most women. It’s even possible for a woman to have sex for years without ‘tearing’ her hymen. And, like I said, some women never have much of a hymen to begin with.

Name: Mike
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Hi, my name is mike I’m 20 and I’m a bisexual. And I have an 8 and half inch uncircumcised cock. And I believe my stepmom has been spying on me. Now do I take the opportunity to have sex with her, or do I let it go. She’s extremely beautiful, very thick with a nice hairy pussy and big titties. I’ve seen her spying on me numerous times. What should I do? Should I drill her or should I not? Let me know.

AS IF, Mike! Nice try though.

I have a good deal of experience working with real issues of intra-family sex, so when your message arrived I knew it was sheer fantasy.

There is so much about your story that is completely unbelievable. First, you start out with way too much information about yourself — your bisexuality and your eight and a half inches of uncut cock. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Unless, of course, you’re flashing your boy boner to your unsuspecting stepmother. But then if you’re flashing her, she can’t be spying on you. More likely, she is revolted by your impudence and has yet to confront you about it.

33518098_240×240_front_color-ashgrey.jpgSecond, you don’t give enough information about how the supposed spying occurs. Someone with a real story to tell would have reversed these things. He would have gone into detail about the incident or incidents involving his stepmother and he wouldn’t have volunteered the size and shape of his johnson.

The next mistake you make is the detailed description you volunteer of your super-hot MILF of a step mom — beautiful, thick, hairy pussy, big titties. How would you know she has a hairy pussy unless you’re spying on her? BUSTED!

And say, what’s a 20 year old doing still living at his father’s house anyway? Are you some kind of deadbeat slacker?

Should you drill your stepmother? Indeed, what could possibly go wrong with a bone-head son fucking his father’s wife? In your dreams, Mike. In your dreams!

Even though Mike here is full of shit, there may be others in my audience who are really struggling with issues of intra-family sex. So I’d like to take this opportunity to discuss this very thorny issue a bit. Incest, particularly the heterosexual kind, or the adult to child type, is considered taboo and a serious crime in nearly every culture, both past and present. There’s plenty of good reason for this, not least of which is issue of inbreeding. But the genetic concerns aside, the most devastating thing about incest is the secrecy. No one violates this universal taboo in the open. The secrecy and the inevitable shame and guilt will, sure as shootin’, destroy a family dynamic.

Even when the intra-family sex is not technically incest — sex between blood relatives — like Mike’s fantasy with his fantasy step mom — the secrecy, the violation of the inherent family bond of trust and the inescapable guilt and shame will destroy the relationship between the perpetrators as well as destroy the family.

If you find yourself in a seductive situation with family member, don’t give in to theincesttee02.jpg temptation. Even a seemingly harmless encounter between consenting adults will inevitably have dire consequences for all concerned.

Finally, because the incest taboo is so strong and so universal it also creates the perfect environment for equally powerful fantasy development. Take Mike as an example. This lad’s fertile imagination, coupled with an overactive libido and too much time on his hands, has created the quintessential jack-off material for horny adolescent. He imagines himself man enough to fish in the same waters as his old man. Titillating whimsy for sure and definitely lots of boy juice will be spilt into wadded up Kleenex. But that’s precisely where it needs to say — as a cherished albeit forbidden fantasy.

  • Finally, we have a follow-up question from a fellow with a ball problem. This guy wrote me to tell me he thinks he might have an abnormality in his nut sack. I wrote back to him: “I applaud you taking note of your balls in an inquisitive sort of way. Good for you! But you should also have at least a rudimentary understanding of your testicular anatomy. So that when you do your self-exam, you can have some sense about what it is you are examining.” To that purpose, I offered a medical diagram for him to look at. Despite my promptings to take his huevos to a doctor for a look see, he decided to write to me once again. D’oh!

Name: anoras
Gender:
Age: 47
Location: Northridge CA
Thank you so much for your previous reply and for the diagram. Yes, I’ve seen it before but really didn’t look at it precisely — Ooops. So let’s see, the thing that goes into the testicles and that gangs up to the top of the testicle, that must be what I am referring to. Feeling my balls now I realize that it is at the top and not the bottom. Can I conclude that maybe I did feel it at that time on the top and thought it at the bottom, and/or that at that time maybe I my testicle turned around for some reason? Next, at the area where it is globulous, if pressure is placed on it, would it have a pain feeling rather than applying pressure anywhere else on the testicle? That is the question I’m asking, whether there are any areas on the testicle that you would naturally feel lumps and/or pain with any pressure. The next question would be if there are ways that the testicles can be turned around and when they do can they be readjusted. Thanks in advance for your understanding and great responses.

testicleantomy.jpgSheesh, darling, take your nuts to a freakin’ doctor already, why don’t cha?

Since I’m not there, while you root around in your groin, I can’t see what you’re referring to. And even if I were there watching you poke and prod and I could feel what you feel, I wouldn’t hazard a guess about what’s going on with you. I am not a physician!

You ask again about lumps. Here’s a rule of thumb for us all: If you got lumps of any sort see a doctor. You ask again about pressure and pain. Since I have no way of knowing what kind of pressure you are applying, all I can say is, if you’re applying lots of pressure, it’s probably gonna hurt. If your applying only light pressure and it hurts, I’d guess there’s a problem — see your doctor.

And no, I’ve never heard of inverted testicles — see your doctor!

Ok, audience, what have we learned in today’s lesson? If any of us has a concern about what we think might be an abnormality in our naughty parts…or any other part for that matter, don’t write me…more than once…go see the doctor. Get it? Got it? GOOD.

Good luck ya’ll

Guilty Pleasures

Name: Anonymous
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: Phoenix
Dear Dr. Dick, I’m a pretty good looking guy, with a pretty average penis size, with a pretty average ego and confidence level. I am unable to make a first move. Whenever the situation rises, I become nervous as a little girl and the only thing I can think of is the awkwardness of rejection. Its really starting to throw me off balance when I cant get the physical attention I need, you know? It’s starting to make me think I’m gay also, which is totally fucking with my head. Help me out dock, what’s going on?

Well, anonymous, the fact that you couldn’t even bring yourself to include your first name on this anonymous submission form, or even think up a plausible substitute marks you as a world-class wimp. And hey, here’s a tip, stop comparing your total lack of cojones to being a girl or being gay. You are neither — a girl don’t need no balls and gay men have ‘em. You, on the other hand, need to grow yourself a pair, pal

lonely.jpgSo you’re 22, a pretty good-looking guy (or so you report) with an average sized dick (although I don’t see what that has to do with anything), and yet you still are stumped on how to connect with a chick. Holy cow, did you miss junior high?

Is there anything about you that a woman might find interesting? Are you intelligent, witty, fun to be with, a good conversationalist, sensitive, kind, a good cook, romantic…are you rich? Listen chum, you’re gonna need more to recommend you than bein’ pretty good lookin’ and a modestly sized peanut.

“I can’t get the physical attention I need…” I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess you mean you can’t get laid, right? Maybe you oughta work on your presentation. I mean, what self-respecting woman is gonna want to put out for someone as desperatechicksruleboysmakegoodpets.jpg as you.

Start by getting off the pity-pot and learn to handle rejection. Don’t take it personal, rejection is just part of being a grownup. Also, jettison the notion that women are put on this earth simply to satisfy men’s physical needs. That’s so freakin’ Neanderthal.

Put your pride aside and start connecting with women as friends, not as potential fuck meat. , Sex flows from intimacy for most women. If you take the time to get to know a woman first, without that lean and hungry sex-starved look that I just know you have, you’ll find that, unless you are a totally dorky klutz, even you may get laid sooner or later.

Name: Carol
Gender: Female
Age: 28
Location: Montreal
I like oral sex, but my new BF doesn’t know what he’s doing down there. He’s really sweet and I like him a lot. Unfortunately, he thinks he’s like this really great lover when actually he sucks…and not in a good way. I know he reads your column, he was the one that turned me on to your site, so could you give him some pointers on how to orally pleasure a woman. He doesn’t listen to me.

Instead of me, who has no pussy, pontificating on the joys of muff diving, I turned to my #1 friend of the lesbitarian persuasion, Joy. Not only does she have her very own chuff, she sure as shootin’ knows her way around other gravy boats as well. I shared your message with her and asked for her advice. I figure, if you wanna learn how to do something right, ya talk to a pro. Simply put, no one sucks cock as good as a queer; no one gobbles clam like a dyke. Enough said!

Joy’s first comment was…and I quote. “What’s this chick doin’ with a dude? If she wants good head, she should bed a dyke. Once you go lezzie, you never go back.” Ahhh, Joy is such a…joy!v2212-a_30.jpg

Ok, so giving a chick some head is about the most perfect sexual thing you can do for a woman. It makes her feel special. What woman doesn’t groove on knowin’ her partner finds her finger-lickin’ good? And maybe that’s a real good place to start this tutorial. If you don’t like the taste or smell of pussy juice, give up on the idea that you’ll be a fabulous lover. However, if you want to give this whole muff diving thing a try, but you don’t know if you can handle your partner smell, or she’s unsure about you bein down there, because she thinks she might smell, you guys could start off by showering or bathing together.

Many women prefer oral to intercourse, because it has the potential to give her an exceptional orgasm. And for all those gals out there who need loads of direct clitoral work to get off, mouth to clit stimulation is one of the easiest, most enjoyable ways to get make that happen.

Joy says that the biggest mistake a guy can make with a pussy is divin’ in without knowing his way around. And like I always say, ladies, it is absolutely up to you to introduce your partner to your particular beaver. Remember, just because he may have been with other women, that don’t make him an expert on your parts. Get it? Got it? GOOD!

The novice cunt lapper will do well to approach this amazing piece of human anatomy very gently…at first. If the woman you’re eatin’ wants it more vigorous, she will ask for it. So relax and enjoy! If all this licking and sucking isn’t a turn on for you, it won’t be much of a pleasure for her, either. So, if you’re heart is not in it; I say don’t even bother.

Don’t make the mistake that Carol’s boyfriend makes. Listen to the feedback you’re gettin on the job you’re doin’. If you’re not gettin’ feedback, ask for it. Just don’t talk with your mouth full. Once you hit on something that works with the gal you’re with, stick with it for a while. Unless of course you’re trying to drive her wild with some tongue teasing.

Joy insists that a soft tongue and a relaxed jaw works best. And believe me, she knows of what she speaks. She always starts out licking her pal from vaginal entrance up to her 519l051.jpgclit. She follows the outer edges of her pal’s pussy along both sides —slowly at first, then more rapidly. Sometimes she’ll even throw in a little raspberries — you know, the mouth vibration you make when you force breath through lightly closed lips. Joy swears by this technique, don’t cha know! Sounds like so much fun I kinda wish I had me a cooch.

Don’t be caught with idle hands while you’re eating=out-at-the-Y. Gently press her two outer vaginal lips together then run your tongue between the inner and outer labia one side at a time. Try poking your tongue into her vagina. The majority of nerve endings in a typical woman’s vagina are around the opening and within the first couple of inches inside. Target them with a darting tongue motion. Insert a hardened tongue into her hole. Try moving your tongue in and out, as well as in circles around the inside of her opening.

Spread her outer vaginal lips with your fingers. With your tongue pointed, gently flick your tongue around her clit. Feel free to roam around in there, but keep coming back to her clit, because it’s the most sensitive area…just like your dick head, you dickhead!

Some women find the direct approach too intense. If this is the case with your woman, blow a stream of warm breath over and around the clit. This lighter breathy touch might just do the trick. Again, be sure to ask for feedback and then do precisely what she says.

Once your partner is good and hot and juicy wet, Joy suggests you kick things up a notch. Spread her lips, expose her clit and give it a quick little suck. If this hits the spot, you might want to lightly pull back her clitoral hood and repeat the quick sucking motion. Joy assures me that this feels incredible, and it’s just the thing to do if you feelcsmhc5037.jpg like tormenting your partner. Now take her exposed clit into your mouth and gently suck on it, simultaneously flicking your tongue over and around it. This, combined with fingering her vag, will usually produce an intense orgasm.

Keep your tongue and hands busy flicking and massaging, poking and prodding lapping and kneading. In other words, find out what she likes and how she likes it and let her have it just that way.

Finally, Joy suggests you surprise the little woman by having a mint or an ice chip in your mouth while you go down on her. These can create a very intense tingling sensation and will enhance your performance immeasurably.

Name: Jake
Gender: male
Age: 23
Location: Omaha
I’m 23, and I’ve been dating a 30-year-old chick for nearly a year now. I come from a very conservative Christian upbringing and I love that she is more experienced than me. My girlfriend likes to tie me up. I’m a college gymnast so I have very defined muscles. They are a huge turn on for my girlfriend, which I guess explains why she likes to see me struggle against the rope. I get real turned on too when I’m tied up. Sometimes she teases my penis and testicles with a feather or a piece of leather, which drives me wild. I’m worried though, because I think this is gonna warp me somehow. Do you think this is perverted? Why is it so much fun?

Ahhh yeah Jake, I do think it’s perverted. I think your girlfriend is a big fat pervert and I think you’re still a little tiny pervert, but well on your way to being a big fat pervert, just like your girlfriend.

And why is this bondage thing so much fun? It’s such a blast because it’s perverted,bondage003.jpg nasty and forbidden, silly! One can only guess what your fundamentalist Christian mom and dad would think about their star athlete son trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey while a considerably older dominatrix punishes his family jewels. I fear this apple has fallen a great distance from the tree, right Jake? I absolutely love it!

Bondage is fun for you because you have to relinquish all your male privilege — Christian, preppy frat boy control — to this unlikely kinky lady friend of yours. And what’s even better, you let her have her way with you. I have a feeling you’re not telling us everything about what she does to you when you’re all tied up. I’d be willing to guess there is a lot more perversion here than meets the eye. Not that that’s a bad thing, necessarily. I think it can be very therapeutic as well as amazingly hot to be completely helpless and in the control of another.

For a dominatrix, like your girlfriend, there is, as you say, the visual aspect to bondage. I think she’d agree, there’s nothing sexier then young masculine, muscular male flesh wrapped in ropes while having his cock and balls available for discipline. It’s the ultimate form of objectification. And, I might add, that you guys are turning all of balls_blue1963.jpgsociety’s conventions — particularly the sacred “male as top” rule — on their head. YOU GO!

This has got to turn your crank, on some base psychological level too. I would so love to know how you and your girlfriend met. How she introduced you to the perv lifestyle. And more importantly, how you came to submit so unequivocally. That’s the real story here.

Jake, you are on the cutting edge. And I think you have some sense as to how radical your play really is, don’t you?  I think it’s the radical nature of your play that gives you pause, right? It’s not the actual bondage, discipline and possible humiliation that concerns you as much as you feel like you are losing your moral moorings. Nothing about what you are currently experiencing at the hand of this woman has any connection to the life you were brought up in. That has to be a bit of a jolt, which makes it all the more enticing. And there is virtually no turning back, is there? Once you’ve tasted the sweetness of surrender, vanilla will never again be enough.

Trust me, none of this makes you a bad person. On the contrary, if you embrace andbondage004.jpg integrate all this new information about yourself and live your life with authenticity and integrity, it will make you exemplary.

I do have one fear, however. I fear that one-day you will begin to second guess this harmless submissive eroticism and cave to the dictates of the popular culture. The worst case scenario would be for you to continue to enjoy your BDSM lifestyle on Saturday nights, then rush off to church on Sunday morning to join the choir of sanctimonious hypocrites who do one thing in private, but publicly endorse and promote a sex-negative message of repression and denial. That, my friend, would be criminal…and a real perversion.

Good luck ya’ll

Heart THROB

Hey Sex Fans,

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, I have the pleasure of introducing ya’ll to some of my more pervy correspondents and their gift giving quandaries. Nowadays, everyone wants to say “I Love You,” but they want to do it with an EDGE. Thanks to the treasure-trove that is My Stockroom, I’m able to bring you yet another installment of my ever so popular — Sex Toy Awareness feature

Name: Monroe
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Location: Michigan
My wife is gonna get a gang bang for Valentine’s Day. Shes like a total sex freak. I want to get something to bump it up. We tried a blindfold in the past, but it kept slipping down or up when things got heavy. I was thinking about a hood but what kind should I get?

Ahhh, sweet love! Nothing says “Be Mine” like an old-fashioned gangbang. I have to congratulate you,j419.jpg Monroe; you win the best non-traditional Valentine’s Day date award for this year. When other couples are basking in the intimacy of their love for one another, you guys will be sharing the wealth. You go, kids.

I feel your pain about the blindfold slippin’ and slidin’ in all that athletic sex. I mean, how’s a chick to concentrate on all that cock when an ill-fitting blindfold distracts her attention. That simply won’t do!

I concur with your estimation of the situation; a hood would be so much better suited to the goings-on you have planned. And you’re right; there are so many styles to choose from. Of course, one would want the thing to be as comfortable as it is durable for those marathon sessions. But I would think it also needs to be easy to clean. You know how careless some of those gangbangers can be with their spooge.

That’s why I’m delighted to turn you on to this stylish little number — The Spandex Hood with Blindfold and Mouth Hole (J419). This lightweight, non-abrasive, smooth black spandex hood is a simple, elegant bondage accessory that comes with a built-in, padded blindfold and reinforced opening for the mouth. This makes it oh so flexible for a range of intimate play.

It’s easy to maintain too. The hood is resistant to body oils, perspiration, jizz and lotions, and can be washed by hand with gentle soap. Bonus points: the spandex will not catch or pull hair coming on or off (for that, you’re on your own).

Name: Janice
Gender: female
Age: 22
Location: Toledo
My girlfriend and I are discovering our kinky side. We’re both very ticklish and we’ve been playing with that pain/pleasure edge in some of our sensory play. We’re looking to move beyond our homemade sex toys (mostly kitchen gadgets and hair brushes). I want to get her something for Valentine’s Day. I can’t go hole hog like I would like, cuz I’m still in college and my budget is real tight. Suggestions?

kl512.jpgI absolutely love it…”Hole hog”! Were you making a pun, or was that the most delicious typo ever? Either way, darlin, I got to tell you; I’m gonna steal this and use it later on.

To your vexing gift giving concern, I think I may have just the thing for you and the GF. For less than the price of a dozen long stem roses (that will only wilt and fade), you could have this handy (no pun intended) device — The KinkLab Vampire Gloves (KL512).

These soft, sexy leather gloves have a fierce side: prickly metal points on the fingertips. They create an intense ticklish sensation. They’re great for sensory play. And if you also employ a blindfold and some sweet, sweet bondage…well you can have yourself a ball.

These gloves are designed to help you realize your own vision of how passionate, creative, and pervy your private erotic life can be.

Name: Jordan
Gender: male
Age: 48
Location: North Dakota
My new lady friend is so sweet. She indulges my nylon stocking fetish. (My ex-wife would have none of it.) Sometimes she will make dinner in nothing more than an apron and my beloved stockings or vacuum the carpet in stockings and high heels and nothing else. It is so hot I get excited just thinking about it. I want to show her my gratitude and get her something nice for VD. I want to get her something sexy to go with her stockings.b483.jpg Unfortunately we’re here in ND and there’s nothing like that around here. Can you help doc?

I’m gonna guess that you mean Valentine’s Day when you write — VD. Otherwise I don’t know what the fuck!

Listen up, you old dog; you have this whole gift-giving thing backwards. You say you want to reward your new lady friend for her forbearance of your stockings kink. That’s mighty generous of you. But then you go on to say that you want to get her something that will only enhance your fetish pleasure. This reminds me of the guy who went out and bought his wife a pair of waders (in his size) to reward her for letting him go fishing all the time. You men are all alike!

Ok, on the off chance that your lady friend actually likes the stockings thing almost as much as you, I have this for you both — A Black Leather Garter Belt (B483).

This garter belt is made from soft, high-quality, black garment leather. The seams at the front and sides will accentuate the lady’s contours, while the soft, adjustable, black elastic at the clasp on the back and at the legs allows for a snug and sexy fit.

It’s also super sexy, and very comfortable to wear.

Name: Ivy
Gender: female
Age: 31
Location: Calgary
I’m super jealous of my best gay pal who has a penis pump. We were smokin some herb the other night and he showed it to me. I thought holy shit why don’t they make something like that for chicks?

And you wonder why they call that stuff DOPE!vag_cyl.jpg

Girl, simmer down there; don’t be gettin your skanties in a twist. Lookie here, it’s a — Vagina Cylinder (C012). The perfect Valentine’s Day gift for yourself.

The Vagina Cylinder is made of industrial grade clear cast acrylic, just like the male counterpart. The airlock release valve at the end of each cylinder will connect directly to the pump. The device is designed to create extra sensitivity in your pussy lips, don’t cha know. The 2″ deep cup is 3″ wide and 4″ long.

The cylinder fits completely over your gash, and when a Brass Hand Pump is attached and used, it creates a vacuum, causing your sweet lips to swell and tingle. See, now you and your gay pal can pump till your hearts are content.

PS: Dr Dick discourages pumping while stoned!

Name: Dmitri
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Location: Miami
I like to fuck mens and women too. I can go for hours and never get tired. But sometimes my legs hurt after. How do I stop this?

j414.jpgYa gotta love an equal-opportunity fucker! And one that can go for hours…why, that’s almost too good to be true. But you’re right, pal, all that muscle strain keeping your partners’ toes pointin’ to Jesus, can really cramp…literally…your style.

But wait, there may be a quick fix. Check out this sweet puppy — The Deluxe Portable Leather Thigh Sling (J414). Now your bottom can do most of the work keepin’ his or her legs out of harms way.

This Premium Leather Sling is perfect for traveling, or for places that cannot handle a full sling or suspension system.

Simply slide the padded neck brace behind your bottom’s neck, and slip his/her thighs through the adjustable padded loops. The sling cradles the neck and keeps his/her legs open wide for lusty accessibility.

Made of heavy duty leather, this sling will hold up to rough play and extended wear. It has two D-rings at the back of the neck brace to attach wrist restraints for more bondage control. The leg straps each have adjustable steel buckles, and the padded neck and thigh braces are made of softer garment leather with a foam core. Fabulous, huh?

Name: Nina
Gender: female
Age: 33
Location: TX
My husband and I were in San Francisco for a professional conference in September. It just so happened that the Folsom Street Fair was happening that same weekend. We walked down to see the sites. We were completely blown away. My husband is very handsome and keeps himself in very good shape. All the gays down here all think he’s hot.
Anyhow, Jim, my husband took a keen interest in all the leather wear. I thought I would surprise him with one of those things that go on the chest. I’m not sure what they’re called.c489.jpg Nor do I know to get the right size. Do you have any useful information?

Yes, my dear, I have plenty of useful information. I’m sure you meant that in a nice way.

So you got an eye-full, at the Folsom Street Fair, huh? I’ll bet! For those in my audience who don’t know what the FSF is, it’s the culmination of San Francisco’s Leather Pride Week. And there ain’t nothin’ like it no place else, don’t cha know.

So before I move on to your query, I have to ask. What does your sizzlin’-hot hubby do down there in the lone star state that he is the object of so much admiration by the gays?

Ok, that leather thing that goes on a dude’s chest? I think you’re referring to a harness. If I’m right, this should do the trick, so to speak — A Studded Full Frontal Harness (C489)

This here is a brand new take on a great fetish classic — the chest harness. It can be combined stylishly with boots, gloves, a mask, or any other fetish fashion. It is also simply striking and sexy on its own. This will surely show off hubby’s attributes at a party, a club or the local PTA meeting. It well also great for a hot and heavy scene with you at the old homestead.

Black leather 11⁄2″ straps, with alternating silver metal studs, will adjust to fit his chest with chrome snaps which connect to two sets of dual chrome O-Rings. A chrome cock ring is also included with this harness. The harness is strong, sturdy, and oh so masculine.

The 11⁄2” genuine black leather torso-cock strap with alternating silver metal studs, matches the harness perfectly, and can fasten to the front O-ring and to the chrome cock ring, or any cock ring he chooses, for an arousing and secure fit.

You will find a key to buying the appropriate size right there in My Stockroom.

Good luck ya’ll

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