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If it’s not one thing, it’s another…

Name: Malcolm
Gender: Male
Age: 40
Location: Johannesburg
I’m in love with this guy who is as sweet as the day is long. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. What makes him so charming is he’s only recently come out as gay. Before this he was married. He is not jaded like so many other guys I meet. But there’s a problem. He’s real vanilla. I guess that’s the down side of coming out of a heterosexual marriage at the age of 35. He’s happy as a clam fucking me a couple times a week. He thinks anal sex is really adventurous and sexually daring. I on the other hand, am suffocating in the boredom. I know, now I sound really jaded, but I can’t help it. It’s just that there’s so much more to sex than what we are doing. I want to introduce him to some kinky shit, but I’m afraid that I will scare him off. What the fuck should I do?

I absolutely adore messages that start out: “I’m so in love. He/she is everything I ever wanted, blah, blah, blah!” Because I know that only a few words later the other shoe is gonna drop, and drop hard. “But there’s a problem, blah, blah, blah!”

Of course there’s a problem. There is always a problem…even with Mr. or Ms. Perfect, or maybe because your honey is so freakin perfect. Take it from me, sexual dissatisfaction will upset even the most tranquil and rosy apple cart and send everyone into a tizzy. Allow me to share with you something I wrote about this very issue about ten years ago. I think you will find the advice as fresh as the day it was written.

So you’ve met the person of your dreams only you haven’t got around to telling your new honey your dirty little secret. The sweet thing hasn’t a clue that you’re itchin’ for some big time bondage. Or that you’d sell your soul to be dominated like the scum that you are. Or you’re salivating over that dildo you have tucked away in the attic, the one that could be mistaken for a floor lamp. Or you’re craving to be spanked till your shameless ass glows in the dark. Or you want to hump his/her feet like a dog and gobble up his/her toe jam. Or you have this nasty little thing about spike heels, frilly knickers and jungle red lipstick.

Never fear, Dr. Dick has heard it all a million times before. Some sorry pervert’s got it bad for white bread. Dear Dr. Dick, Help! I’m in love with the sweetest guy/gal in the word, but our sex life is all vanilla all the time. I’m bored shitless! I know how to liven things up, you see I have this fetish (you fill in the blank) but I don’t know how to tell him/her about it and I’m afraid s/he’ll freak if s/he finds out. What’s a perv to do?

Introducing your partner to your personal world of kink is tricky; the whole little love match could blow up in your face. But a life of pretense and sexual boredom isn’t the way to go either. Why not just stand tall like the disgusting depraved creature you are and brazenly proclaim your fetish to little Mary Sunshine. After all, unless your boyfriend or gal-pal is as dumb as a post s/he’s already figured out that your mutual sex life limps. Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting an innocent. Who knows, s/he may have secrets of his/her own.

Here’s what I suggest. Casually direct the conversation to the amazing variety of human sexual expression. You could reassure your sweetie that just because some things are unfamiliar don’t make them bad. Tell him/her that you’ve been waiting for your relationship to mature so that you could share the intricacies of your desires with him/her. This can be one of those precious bonding moments that Oprah’s always talkin’ about. This might be a good time to view that special video you picked up in the kink section of the local porn emporium. Invite her/him to explore your fantasy with you. Tell the little flower that your love for him/her demands that you share the fullness of your sexuality with her/him. Then pick one turn-on for the two of you to experiment with — lingerie, toys, dominance and submission, role-playing, whatever.

Decide on a safe-word, an out of context word your partner could use if the experiment is heading in an uncomfortable direction. For example, if the dildo is too big or the lipstick is too red, s/he could say “pickles.” The safe-word, when uttered in the scenario, will let you know that you need to change direction or slow down without completely destroying the built up sexual energy.

If this initiation process doesn’t work Dr. Dick suggests that you cut your losses and dump the white bread. Go out and find yourself a kindred spirit, someone you won’t have to apologize to for being creative in your sex play.

Good luck

The Erotic Mind of Michael Henry — Podcast #316 — 01/16/12


Hey sex fans, welcome back.

It’s the first podcast interview for the new year and I have a twofer in store for ya. How fun is that? We break open the 2012 editions of both The Erotic Mind and the Sex EDGE-U-cation series with one fell swoop as I welcome photographer, Michael Henry, to the show. He is an up and coming talent who is also kinky as all get out. So I thought who better to inaugurate the new year than this fine fellow.

I also have a bit of a hidden agenda. You see, I often hear from avid listeners to my show; they tell me they love the interviews, but they claim that some of the artists I feature are very intimidating. These listeners, some who are aspiring artists, of one stripe or another, themselves feel as though they could never achieve what some of my guests have achieved and so they are disheartened. This bums me out; because I want this series to inspire the creativity in my audience, not stifle it. So Michael is here to reassure us that even relative newcomers have something wonderful to contribute to the art form.

Michael and I discuss:

  • The full spectrum of his talent;
  • The Sinsiterbrain moniker;
  • Words of encouragement for the aspiring artist;
  • Rigging some of the scenes he shoots;
  • The sensations and feel of the rope;
  • Making his photographic images believable;
  • Failure, a necessary part of the creative process;
  • David Lawrence & Marlen Boro
  • Talking people out of their cloths;
  • Cultural implications of bondage;
  • Gender and submission.

For more of Michael and his amazing work visit his website HERE! Find him on Facebook HERE! On Fetlife HERE! Also Twitter HERE.

(Michael has prepared this marvelous gallery of some of his work for us to enjoy.)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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Kink for Yuppies

Hey sex fans!

It’s another Product Review Friday. Today we have two LELO products to tell you about.  And, as you know, every time you hear the name LELO you know something up-scale is in the offing.

Today’s reviews are brought to you by Dr Dick Review Crew members Gina & Kevin.

Boa Pleasure Ties —— $80.45
Intima Silk Blindfold —— $59.55

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “We have two LELO Pleasure Products to tell you about today. Generally, we would do separate reviews for each, but in this instance, since the two products are companion pieces; we thought we’d tie them together in one review.”
Kevin: “Tie then together! You’re such a punster, Gina. The two products are the Boa Pleasure Ties and the Intima Silk Blindfold. If you haven’t already guessed these items are sheshe bondage toys.”

Gina: “The Boa Pleasure Ties are two 42” lengths of luscious 100% pure scarlet silk to be used as restraints. At one end of each tie is a lightly weighted pouch, at the other end stylish metal rings. This is divine decadence at its…well most decedent. You use the Boa Pleasure Ties as you would any restraint. Use them to secure wrists and/or ankles to a bedpost, or the like, for some lie-down bondage.”
Kevin: “You can also sling the weighted pouches over a door. When the door is closed the pouches keep the ties from slipping through, allowing for some stand-up bondage.”

Gina: “The Boa Pleasure Ties work like a typical two O-ring belt does. You make a loop around the parts you are restraining; the end is pulled through the two O-rings, then doubled back around one o-ring to keep the restraint in place. The silk moves smoothly and effortlessly over the skin.”
Kevin: “The Intima Silk Blindfold, on the other hand, is designed to offer sensual sensory deprivation along with your sensual bondage. It too is made of 100% pure scarlet silk. I have to say; the concept, craftsmanship and production values of both these products are exquisite. The attention to detail is remarkable. But then again, I wouldn’t expect anything less from the venerable LELO brand.”
Gina: “And while we’re talking about presentation, we should also say a few words about the packaging. Both packages are identical and in a word, elegant. Both the blindfold and ties come in a simple, understated black matte box that is encased in an outer box of glossy cardboard. The outer box features a stunning image of the product and it is embossed with the LELO logo. Inside the inner black matte box, the products are wrapped inside attractive high-quality tissue paper. All the packaging is biodegradable. Congratulations on GREENING your packaging, LELO.”
Kevin: “OK, so that’s all the good stuff. Let’s take a closer look, shall we? The Boa Pleasure Ties are basically extravagant playthings. They are not intended for a real bondage scenario. The oversized O-rings let the silk material slip between them with ease. This will frustrate anyone but the rank amateur or a silly dilettante.”
Gina: “And the Intima Silk Blindfold doesn’t actually work when put to the test. The design is very peculiar. It is a one-piece blindfold that has a tight elastic band in back. It did not fit comfortably on my head; it was way too tight. The curious thing is that the blindfold comes with attached ties that would have served much better for securing the blindfold to one’s head. Why it has both an elastic band and ties is beyond me.”
Kevin: “And although the blindfold is attractive, it simply doesn’t provide the sensory deprivation any true blindfold should. You can see light through it and it doesn’t cover ones eyes properly.”
Gina: “And whatever you do, don’t get either the Boa Pleasure Ties or the Intima Silk Blindfold dirty. Body oils, makeup and perspiration will ruin the silk. And if you should accidentally get lube on either one of these toys, you can forget about it.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

Guess What, Honey? I’m A Kinky Old Perv!

And now, by popular demand, a reprint of an old favorite.

So you’ve met the person of your dreams only you haven’t got around to telling your new honey your dirty little secret. The sweet thing hasn’t a clue that you’re itchin’ for some big-time bondage. Or that you’d sell your soul to be dominated like the lowly little bitch that you are. Or you’re salivating over that dildo you have tucked away in the attic—you know, the one that could be mistaken for a floor lamp. Or you’re craving to be spanked til your shameless ass glows in the dark. Or you want to hump his/her feet like a dog and gobble up his/her toejam. Or you have this nasty little thing about spike heels, frilly knickers and jungle red lipstick.

Never fear—Dr. Dick has heard it all a million times before. Some sorry pervert’s got it bad for white bread.

Dear Dr. Dick,
Help! I’m in love with the sweetest guy/gal in the word, but our sex life is all vanilla all the time. I’m bored shitless! I know how to liven things up, you see I have this fetish (you fill in the blank) but I don’t know how to tell him/her about it and I’m afraid s/he’ll freak if s/he finds out. What’s a perv to do?

Introducing your partner to your personal world of kink can be a little tricky; the whole love match could blow up in your face. But a life of pretense and sexual boredom isn’t the way to go, either. Why not just stand tall like the filthy pervert you are and brazenly proclaim your fetish to Little Miss Mary Sunshine? After all, unless your boyfriend or gal-pal is as dumb as a post s/he’s already figured out that your mutual sex life walks with a pronounced limp (or perhaps is suffering from a case of the gout). Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting an innocent. Who knows—s/he may have secrets of his/her own.

Case in point. Here’s part of an exchange I had with a young man from Omaha.

Dear Doc,
I’m 23, and I’ve been dating 30-year-old chick for nearly a year now. I come from a very conservative Christian upbringing and I love that she is more experienced than me. My girlfriend likes to tie me up. I’m a college gymnast so I have very defined muscles. They are a huge turn on for my girlfriend, which I guess explains why she likes to see me struggle against the rope. I get real turned on too when I’m tied up. Sometimes she teases my penis and testicles with a feather or a piece of leather, which drives me wild. I’m worried though, because I think this is gonna warp me somehow. Do you think this is perverted? Why is it so much fun?

Ahhh yeah, Jake, I do think it’s perverted. I think your girlfriend is a big fat pervert and I think you’re still just a teensy-weensy little pervert—but well on your way to Big Fat Perverthood (note: Big Fat Perverthood is not a clinical term; just something we toss around the office for fun), just like your girlfriend. And why is this bondage thing so much fun? It’s such a blast because it IS perverted, IS nasty and IS forbidden, silly! One can only guess what your fundamentalist Christian mom and dad would think about their star athlete son trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey while a considerably older dominatrix punishes his family jewels. I fear this apple has fallen a great distance from the tree, right, Jake? I absolutely love it!

Okay, back to telling your partner about your kink. Here’s what I suggest. Casually direct the conversation to the amazing variety of human sexual expression. You could reassure your sweetie that just because some things are unfamiliar to her/him doesn’t make them bad. Tell him/her that you’ve been waiting for your relationship to mature so that you could share the intricacies of your desires with him/her. This can be one of those precious bonding moments that Oprah is always going on about.

This might be a good time to view that special video you picked up in the kink section of the local porn emporium. Invite her/him to explore your fantasy with you. Tell the little flower that your love for him/her demands that you share the fullness of your sexuality with her/him. Then pick one turn-on for the two of you to experiment with—lingerie, toys, dominance and submission, pee, role-playing—whatever your hearts desire.

Decide on a safe-word, an out-of-context word your partner can use if the experiment is heading in an uncomfortable direction. For example, if the dildo is too big or the lipstick is too red, s/he could say “pickles.” The safe-word, when uttered in the scenario, will let you know that you need to change direction or slow down without completely destroying the built-up sexual energy.

If this initiation process doesn’t work, Dr. Dick suggests that you cut your losses and dump the white bread. Go out and find yourself a kindred spirit, someone you won’t have to apologize to for being creative in your sex play. Because, as we all know, the key to fantastic sex is all about communicating – and if you can’t be honest about what you want, then it won’t be long until you’re looking around, wondering how the hell you got to a sex life full of furtive, 2 minute, missionary position encounters. And life is way too short for that crap.

The Sex EDGE-U-cation of Brody James — Podcast #246 – 11/17/10


Hey sex fans,

I have a delightful twist on the Sex EDGE-U-cation podcast series for you today. As you know, in this series I’ve been chatting with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles; we’ve been taking a look at the world of fetish sex and kink. Not surprisingly, this series has generated loads of comments from my audience, mostly from folks new to the scene. You’ve told me how much you are enjoying these conversations and how much you’ve been learning from listening to the masters speak. I feel the same way; I can’t tell you how enriching this series has been for me personally.

So all of this feedback got me to thinking. Wouldn’t it be interesting to interview some relative newcomers to the scene to see how they are making their way? Well that turned out to be easier said then done. Most of the budding kinksters I invited to join me were flattered that I asked them to participate, but all were too shy to actually follow through. That is until I had the good fortune to meet today’s very special guest, Brody James.

Brody graciously agreed to talk with me about his personal journey. And so he is here today to let us know how it’s all going. I know you will be as charmed as I by this marvelous young man and our frank discussion.

Brody and I discuss:
His impressions of Folsom Fringe and The Folsom Street Fair;
Who is Brody James, international man of mystery;
His first foray into the scene;
The learning curve involved;
Opening a primary relationship;
Self-identifying as kinky;
A working definition of power play;
Classes at CSPC with BondageLessons Max;
Is BDSM synonymous with power play;
Defining Dominate/top & submissive/bottom.

If you’re a member of fetlife.com, you can find Brody by searching for his profile: BJK32

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

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