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Why Bondage Can Be So Much Fun

Whips, chains and blindfolds – oh my! Oh yes!

By Stephanie Weaver

bondage

Whether you’re a woman or a guy, by now you’ve probably read – or at least heard of – the “Fifty Shades of Grey” phenomenon. The fastest-selling trilogy of all time depicts the S&M relationship between virginal Anastasia Steele and young business mogul Christian Grey.

What exactly made these books so appealing to women of all ages? The idea of allowing a man to tie you up and make you submit to all of his sexual desires seems to go against everything feminism and Gloria Steinem ever taught us. But despite the scary descriptions you’ve heard about bondage in the bedroom, a little kink can bring you and your partner endless pleasure and joy between the sheets. Whether you just want to tie each other up, smack one another around, or go all out with nipple clamps and anal beads, bondage can be your new BFF in bed. (Read any dirty books lately? Find out why you should in Beyond “Fifty Shades:” How Erotica Can Improve Your Sex Life.)

 

Complete Article HERE!

Would you try rope bondage for meditation?

The word bondage usually has connotations of latex, domination, and sexual deviancy. But some young Australians are turning to rope bondage for meditation and relaxation. DISCLAIMER: Seek professional advice in the art of Shibari; do not attempt independently.

By Lucinda Kent

Rope bondage enthusiast Teneil Zerbst says it can be practised almost anywhere - even from a tree.

Rope bondage enthusiast Teneil Zerbst says it can be practised almost anywhere – even from a tree.

Teneil Zerbst’s life looks pretty normal from the outside.

Office job, cute pet, happy relationship. She likes art and going to gigs.

But Teneil’s preferred method of relaxation in her spare time is a little… unconventional.

Teneil likes to be tied up (or tie others up) in a style of bondage known as Shibari, based on a centuries-old Japanese practise that Samurai once used for restraining prisoners.

It takes around 30 minutes to suspend someone with Shibari knots, or even hours for more elaborate styles.

It takes around 30 minutes to suspend someone with Shibari knots, or even hours for more elaborate styles.

While there is definitely a sub-culture of rope bondage for sexual pleasure (Teneil’s rope venue The Salon has a stall at Sexpo), she says getting tied up and hung in the air it is much more about relaxation than gratification.

“Shibari has deep origins in utility and practicality, but is also incredibly aesthetically pleasing and over the years has morphed into something of an art form; combining restraint, deep connection and power exchange between model (or bottom) and rigger (or top),” she said.

Teneil Zerbst (right) says passing control over to the rigger is a key reason why many people find suspension relaxing.

Teneil Zerbst (right) says passing control over to the rigger is a key reason why many people find suspension relaxing.

When she is ‘modelling’, Teneil is routinely bound and tied up in elaborately knotted and tied ropes, then suspended in the air for up to hours at a time.

“Being suspended is an incredible feeling. When I first started modelling, I was somewhat nervous about feeling constricted and helpless; claustrophobic even! But as soon as I left the ground, I felt an immediate sense of deep relaxation and a wonderful calm come over me,” she says.

“Modelling is not the same for everyone, but I’m confident that most models at one time or another experience ‘sub space’ – a level of relaxation or high as a result of endorphin release through the body.

“It’s something that is hard to explain to those who haven’t experienced it, especially considering ‘bondage’ and ‘relaxation’ aren’t terms that are usually associated!”

While Teneil was first introduced to Shibari through Brisbane’s BDSM scene, she says the key to converting people to the wonders of the rope is to bring it to a more pedestrian environment.

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She is just as likely to tie up a fully-clothed friend from a backyard tree on a Sunday afternoon as she is a scantily-clad bondage enthusiast in the dark of night at The Salon.

Teneil has introduced people from every part of her life to rope bondage, and has been surprised at how accepting people are of her unusual hobby.

“I’ve tied up my brother in front of my entire family at Christmas-time, and I have even suspended my mother in my family backyard,” she says.

“My family and friends are incredibly supportive of what I do and I’m glad to be able to share it with them.”

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She says she hopes one day rope bondage will be as normal as yoga for relaxation.

“Being tied up is not something most people would think would be synonymous with being relaxing, but to me, there is a freedom in restraint that I have not felt anywhere else; not at yoga, not during traditional meditation, she says.

“I think what makes rope bondage different is that it is pure connection. It’s connection between your mind and your body, and your body and your rigger. It is relaxing, challenging, meditative and intimate, whether you’re tying yourself or being tied by someone else – even when you’re tying someone else.”

“I have two friends that I tie regularly, and I self-suspend every now and again. My passion, however, definitely lies in modelling for others. I love to fly!”

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Complete Article HERE!

Bondage Aficionados Are Better Adjusted Than Most

New research from the Netherlands finds that the psychological profile of people who enjoy certain non-mainstream sex games is surprisingly positive.

By

handcuffs

Is everyone you know unhappy or neurotic? Perhaps it’s time to find a new crowd—a group of open-minded individuals who are happier and better adjusted than most.

That is to say, people whose sexual preferences lean toward bondage and sadomasochism.

bondageAccording to new research from the Netherlands, the psychological profile of people who participate in these types of erotic games “is characterized by a set of balanced, autonomous, and beneficial personality characteristics.” Compared to those who engage in more mainstream sexual behavior, such aficionados report “a higher level of subjective well-being.”

“We conclude that (these activities) may be thought of as a recreational leisure, rather than the expression of psychopathological processes,” psychologist Andreas Wismeijer of Nyenrode Business University writes in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

“Overall, a picture emerges of the psychological characteristics of the average BDSM practitioner that, compared with non-BDSM practitioners, is quite favorable.”

Wismeijer notes that, in spite of evidence to the contrary, both public opinion and the psychological establishment tend to equate BDSM activities (bondage-discipline, dominance-submission, or sadism-masochism) with some form of psychological damage. “BDSM is to some degree still pathologized in the upcoming fifth edition of the DSM,” he notes.

Along with statistician Marcel van Assen, he conducted a study at Tilburg University to determine whether there is truth behind this belief.<

Wismeijer created a detailed survey designed to reveal respondents’ personality traits and attachment style: how secure they feel when bonding with others and how they deal with their insecurities. In addition, the respondents rated their subjective level of well-being over the previous two weeks.

The participants were 902 people who “responded to a call posted on the largest BDSM Web forum in the Netherlands,” and another 434 contacted through a popular Dutch women’s magazine. The control group was 70 percent female; the group of people interested in BDSM was roughly half men and half women. (Those in the latter group were also asked if they preferred playing a dominant or submissive role, or regularly switched.)

The results will certainly produce intense feelings, although whether they are painful or pleasurable largely depends on the person.bondge_arms

“Our findings suggests that BDSM participants as a group are, compared with non-BDSM participants, less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, yet less agreeable,” the researchers write. They add that females in the BDSM group had “more confidence in their relationships” and “a lower need for approval” than those in the mainstream sample.

“Finally, the subjective well-being of BDSM participants was higher than that of the control group. Together, these findings suggest that BDSM practitioners are characterized by greater psychological and interpersonal strength and autonomy.”

Why might this be? Wismeijer notes that “BDSM play requires the explicit consent of the players regarding the type of actions to be performed, their duration and intensity, and therefore involves careful scrutiny and communication of one’s own sexual desires and needs.”

In other words, it requires thought, awareness, and communication—all of which lead to happier relationships, both in and outside of the bedroom.

Like sadomasochistic sex itself, these results shouldn’t be taken too far; the differences between the groups were, for the most part, not huge. And there were some differences among members of the BDSM community: “Scores were generally more favorable for those with a dominant than a submissive role.”

Nevertheless, “Overall, a picture emerges of the psychological characteristics of the average BDSM practitioner that, compared with non-BDSM practitioners, is quite favorable,” Wismeijer concludes.

This may be hard for some to accept. But think of it this way: Old prejudices are not something you want to be handcuffed to.

Complete Article HERE!

Learning the ropes, so to speak

Name: Julian
Gender: male
Age: 32
Location: Mexico City
What does CBT mean?

Geez, CBT could mean all sorts of things, depending on the context. It could stand for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, something the good doctor knows a great deal about. It could also stand for Computer Based Training, but why in the world would you be asking Dr Dick about that? Let me see what else…CBT also stands for “Cock and Ball Torture”.

Yeah, that’s it! That’s what you want to know about, huh Julian — you little pervert, you. Good for you!big-balls

There are all manner of torture techniques for your cock and balls Slapping, Squeezing, Pinching, Bondage, the use of weights even tickling can be a form of torture. A dude’s package can withstand a fair amount of torment. But dolling out professional grade torture is not for the amateur. The dominant (as opposed to the submissive) really needs to know what he or she is doing. Carelessness can lead to severe injury.

In most cases, “torture” is really mostly “play”. One’s cock and balls are simply tugged on or stretched out, maybe with some weights. There’s cock and ball bondage too — the family jewels trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey, don’t cha know. And that’s just the beginning. Imagine what you could do with your mother’s old clothespins. See, now you’re putting two and two together!

Oh, and the “T” word doesn’t necessarily stand for torture. It can represent a full range of play — from tickling and teasing to torment and torture.

If you’re interested in investigating the pain/pleasure of cock and ball torture for your self, Julian, here’s a safe way to start. Begin by experimenting with different sensations. Look around the house for things you can brush or rub against your cock and balls. Start with something soft like a silk scarf. Progressively work your way to something with a rough texture, like a scrub brush. You will also notice that the sensations are different when your dick is soft as opposed to when it is hard.

curiosity_WM_1024x1024Try a hollowed-out, cylindrical loofa sponge. Get it good and wet, and slip it over your cock and try jerkin’ off with it. Rubber bands can be applied to your cock and balls. Not only for the constriction sensation, which is delightful in itself. But you can also snap those puppies for some delicious pain.

Lots of pervs like cock and ball spanking. You could try your hand at this, so to speak. Or you could employ a kitchen wooden spoon or spatula. They work nicely too. Prickly things like a fork can be used to scrape or drag over your cock and balls. Poke them lightly if you like. Be careful though; you do not want to break the skin and draw blood.

Cock and ball bondage can be a delight. Hemp rope is the perfect choice for this. And I have a fantastic resource for you, Julian, a novice, as well as for all you more advanced perverts. Check out all the great stuff at Twisted Monk. You’ll find everything you need, including some very informative how-to-videos. Look for the Twisted Monk banner in the V-Style Ball Spreadersidebar.

Again, safe play is happy play. Wrap the rope around your cock, and around each of your balls separately. Use the rope to stretch your sac. A little discomfort is desirable, but just don’t over do it. Remember the sensations will become more intense as your dick engorges with blood. Keep this kind of play to less than 10 minutes at a time. Watch for signs of distress — your dick will veer to the color purple and your balls will feel cool to the touch. When that happens, it’s time to loosen the restraints and move on to something else for a while.

If you really get into this you can find loads of more professional torture implements at Dr Dick’s Oxballs Stacker Ball StretcherStockroom. Look for the banner in the sidebar at the top of the page. There’s a whole department in my online store devoted to cock and ball toys. You might want to start with a ball stretcher or a cock and ball harness. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

CBT is great for livening up and extending a ho-hum jerk off session too. And here’s a tip: once you know what you like and how you like it; you can turn on your partner to the practices.

Speaking of partners, the novice perv might want to surrender his privates to a professional Dom. A well-trained mistress or master will be able to take you places you’ve only dreamed about. A pro Dom is also a great resource for the do-it-yourself kinda guy. Before you launch into uncharted waters, seek the advice of someone who has made the study of pain/pleasure his or her life’s work. But don’t expect to get this information for free.

Cock and ball play can be loads of fun — alone or with others. Just remember the mantra — safe play is happy play. Experimenting is fine, but if you get in over your head and you don’t know what the fuck you are doing, STOP. Go back to something more suitable to your skill set.

Good luck

Is this gonna warp me?

Name: Jake
Gender: male
Age: 23
Location: Omaha
I’m 23, and I’ve been dating 30-year-old chick for nearly a year now. I come from a very conservative Christian upbringing and I love that she is more experienced than me. My girlfriend likes to tie me up. I’m a college gymnast so I have very defined muscles. They are a huge turn on for my girlfriend, which I guess explains why she likes to see me struggle against the rope. I get real turned on too when I’m tied up. Sometimes she teases my penis and testicles with a feather or a piece of leather, which drives me wild. I’m worried though, because I think this is gonna warp me somehow. Do you think this is perverted? Why is it so much fun?

Ahhh yeah Jake, I do think it’s perverted. I think your girlfriend is a big fat pervert and I think you’re still a little tiny pervert, but well on your way to being a big fat pervert, just like your girlfriend. So YAY for that!

bondage236And why is this bondage thing so much fun? It’s such a blast because it’s perverted, nasty and forbidden, silly! One can only guess what your fundamentalist Christian mom and dad would think about their star athlete son trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey while a considerably older dominatrix punishes his family jewels. I fear this apple has fallen a great distance from the tree, right Jake? I absolutely love it!

Bondage is fun for you because you have to relinquish all your male privileged, Christian, preppy frat boy control to this unlikely kinky lady friend of yours. And what’s even better, you let her have her way with you. I have a feeling you’re not telling us everything about what she does to you when you’re all tied up. I’d be willing to guess there is a lot more perversion here than meets the eye. Not that that’s a bad thing, necessarily. I think it can be very therapeutic as well as amazingly hot to be completely helpless and in the control of another.

For a dominatrix, like your girlfriend, there is, as you say, the visual aspect to bondage. I think she’d agree, there’s nothing sexier then young masculine, muscular male flesh wrapped in ropes while having his cock and balls available for discipline. It’s the ultimate form of objectification. And, I might add, that you guys are turning all of society’s conventions — particularly the sacred “male as top” thing — on their head. YOU GO!

This has got to turn your crank, on some base psychological level too. I would so love to know how you and your girlfriend met. How she introduced you to all this pervy stuff. And more importantly, how you came to submit so unequivocally. That’s the real story here.bondage237

Jake, you are on the cutting edge. I think you have some sense as to how radical your play really is, don’t you? And I think it’s the radical nature of your play that gives you pause, right? It’s not the actual bondage, discipline, and possible humiliation that concerns you as much as you feel like you are losing your moral moorings. Nothing about what you are currently experiencing at the hand of this woman has any connection to the life you were brought up in. That has to be a bit of a jolt, which makes it all the more enticing. And there is virtually no turning back, is there? Once you’ve tasted the sweetness of surrender, vanilla will never again be enough.

Trust me, none of this makes you a bad person. On the contrary, if you embrace and integrate all this new information about yourself and live your life with authenticity and integrity, it will make you exemplary.

I do have one fear, however. I fear that one-day you will begin to second guess your harmless submissive eroticism and cave to the dictates of the popular culture. The worst case scenario would be for you to continue to enjoy your BDSM lifestyle on Saturday nights, then rush off to church on Sunday morning to join the choir of sanctimonious hypocrites who do one thing in private, but who publicly endorse and promote a sex-negative message of repression and denial. That, my friend, would be criminal…and a real perversion.

Good luck